It's a one time thing that just happens a lot
by Starlight8
Summary: *S/OC* Severus Snape has the DADA and there's a new Potions Professor; one which Snape just can't leave alone. Fully updated and edited... and now *COMPLETE* Finally!
1. Default chapter

**_Please note that I am updating each chapter; editing for spelling, grammar, you name I need to change it. I will not, however, touch the notes at the end of each chapter, just the main body of the text._**

Oh and I guess if anyone is reading this for the first time… this is set in Harry's last year and is completely AU. COMPLETELY AU!!!!!

I do intend to finish this story… ;-) But it really needs polishing first. March 2008.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing to do with HP or the HP universe. I am making no money from this; it is purely for enjoyment.

* * *

Professor Snape had realised a long yearned for ambition; he had finally ascended to the position of Defence Against Dark Arts Master. He was magnanimous in his victory and was more than willing to condescend in relinquishing his Potions Classroom to the New Potions Mistress. He was not, however, willing to give up his own personal rooms down there; which was just as well really. He was still the Head of Slytherin and as such needed to be near the student's dorm rooms to be able to keep control.

Megan Kincaid, the new Potions Mistress was quite happy to be accommodated in the staff quarters; and Snape had given up one of his precious store rooms, albeit grudgingly, for the study she would need near the classroom. He had been quite unwilling and indeed, completely uncommunicative, when Professor Dumbledore had tried to prise him away from his own study to the one situated in his new classroom.

And so, here she was now, Megan Kincaid, looking around the rather dreary, cold room that was to become her new study.

"Something is wrong, Professor?" Snape asked Megan as he watched her looking around the room he had cleared for her. It was dark, damp and smelled of some sort of potions all mixed in together; it was unpleasant and he knew it.

"No." She smiled up at his dark, unsmiling face. She watched his lank hair fall forward slightly, it black as night, no hint of brown at all; just like those eyes of his, black and bottomless. Like a shark.

She looked away still smiling, an uneasy feeling washing over her. She felt as if he could look into her soul and know everything about her which was a very unsettling feeling for her.

"Please, call me Meg." She breezed across to where a solitary desk stood up by one wall. "This is perfect! Thank you very much for letting me use some space down here." She was speaking to him as she placed her small box on the tale and began to pull her possessions out of it.

Snape stood in the doorway watching, his half shut eyes, as an amazing array of items were pulled out and sent to different locations in the room. He could take it no more when she pulled a twelve foot Persian rug from the two foot box and with a flick of her wand had it settled on the floor.

"Professor Kincaid..." he began, completely ignoring her request for him to call her Meg. "Your box is unusual; most people pack in trunks."

"Oh, I know." She looked up at him quickly, her grey eyes flashing with humour. "But I've always been a sucker for Disney films, and Mary Poppins just has the most amazing carpet bag. Just a little spell and, while it's not as nice as a carpet bag, it does." She grinned impishly at him and carried on.

"I have no idea what your talking about," he stated coldly.

She looked up and he thought for one second she was taken aback before once again the closed expression covered her face.

"You don't? Oh no… you wouldn't, would you. Never mind. Who knows, one day." She shrugged absentmindedly and slapped her hand over her stomach as it gave a very unladylike growl.

"Darn. Sorry." She had the grace to blush, rolling her eyes "Starved; is.." she cleared her throat, "dinner, anytime soon?" she asked hopefully.

Snape didn't bother to hide the sneer that crossed his face. He opened his mouth to reply something sarcastic but closed it again. After all, he could be gracious in his new position.

"We will up now." He stood back and watched as she straightened up; the delight showing on her face clearly.

"Wonderful!" She beamed and swept out of the room regally, starting down the passageway happily.

"Professor Kincaid!" His cold voice stopped her dead, she turned and grinned.

"This way." He pointed down the other corridor, a sneer curling his lips.

"It was a long time ago that I was here last, and then I didn't frequent these dungeons more than necessary." She swept past him, her head high, just a little embarrassed that she'd almost got lost.

Snape's lip curled in derision. Just what he needed; another professor that was flighty. He thought they'd seen the back of flighty teachers when Lockhart lost his memory. Ah! What a day that was. Probably the only thing that Weasley boy ever did that Snape could grudgingly say he approved of. Shaking his head, his features resumed their normal dark glare as he followed her.

Meg was seated at the staff table; her eyes wandering over the multitude of children all waiting, all talking at once. She looked down at her plate and covered her stomach quickly as a low rumbling could be heard. She was seated between Professor Snape and the tiny teacher Professor Flitwick..

"Not long, m'dear," he whispered winking at her. "Just have the first years sorted and then we eat!"

Meg blushed and grinned at him

"I'm sorry. Awfully rude of me, but I haven't eaten since breakfast, which seems like years ago now."

"Not to worry, won't be long."

"I hope not. Or I might just end up eating the tablecloth," she laughed and heard Professor Snape snort.

"Pardon?" She turned to him, her grey eyes large and innocent in her face.

He regarded her as if she was a bad smell under his nose.

"I didn't say anything Professor Kincaid," he snarled, not caring that she'd heard him.

"Oh, I know you didn't," she said artlessly. "But you definitely snorted." She smiled widely at him, but he caught the traces of mockery in her eyes.

"Do you have a problem? Here, it's completely clean." She drew out a tiny square of fabric from the copious sleeves of her robes and pressed it into his clasped hands on the table.

"Er... no… I don't.." Snape began to say something but Meg waved her hand airily and turned back to Professor Flitwick. She caught Minerva McGonagall's eye and winked, Minerva's eyes twinkled and she hid her grin by turning to Dumbledore who was beside her.

He suddenly stood and began to speak and Megan watched in total awe as the first years came in. She remembered her own sorting with fondness, but it was certainly different watching it from this end of things.

Her hunger was momentarily forgotten as she watched. Each house reacting when a student was assigned to them, she watched as the last one was sorted and then listened to Dumbledore's beginning of year speech, and then finally, the food.

"Ah!" She cried in glee and picking up her knife and fork tucked in with relish.

She had finished and became aware of Snape's completely untouched pile of toast.

"Er..." she eyed it and looked at him. "Er.. not to your liking?" She caught his eye and nodded to his toast.

He arched an eyebrow at her but remained silent.

"Have you finished?" she asked again. The same hopeful tone in her voice that he'd heard in the dungeons.

"And if I have?" he asked slowly, deeply, his face giving nothing away; except for a slight distaste of her.

"Well... it seems such a waste," she pointed out.

He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Do you eat this way all the time, Professor Kincaid?"

"Good Lord no," she cried. "I haven't seen food this excellent since… well... since I used to be here." She beamed at him and pounced on his toast just as the headmaster announced her name as being the new potions teacher. She choked on a crumb of toast and desperately tried to stifle a cough as she smiled at the sea of faces all looking at her. The result was her face went red and she looked more like she was grimacing than smiling. Dumbledore saw her discomfort and immediately called their attention to other things.

Megan was trying hard to cough quietly; Professor Flitwick pressed a glass of water into her hand.

Professor Snape took great delight in giving her one solid whack on the back, which worked; although painfully. She recovered, drinking the water and thanked the two professors. Snape had what could only be described as a look of innate pleasure at her discomfort.

"Go ahead... say it," she husked; her eyes watering profusely.

"Hum?" he arched an eyebrow at her, looking very aloof and cold.

"It serves me right for being an absolute pig." She grinned and winked at him, her eyes still watering.

"Well it does," he agreed.

"Humph!" Flitwick eyed Snape with obvious distaste.

"Oh come now, Severus," Minerva murmured. "Poor girl hasn't eaten since this morning."

"And now won't have to eat again for at least a week. Judging by what has been packed away," he observed with dislike; he got up and swept away from the table.

"I'm sorry. Severus is... "

"A law unto himself," Megan cut in quickly and shook her head, her grin still in place "Don't worry... doesn't affect me one little bit." Meg hid her true thoughts excellently. Something she had been doing for a very long time now.

She looked at the empty seat Snape had been sitting in and repressed a sigh. Meg had heard a lot about Professor Snape. He hadn't been teaching at Hogwarts when she'd been a student. She'd left just before he'd started teaching. But still his reputation was well known; cold, calculating, aloof. They certainly fitted the man well.

Meg was glad that he hadn't been there when she had. If he had any idea about what lay in her past she knew he'd have the upper hand over her. At least this way, they started off evenly.

Meg decided to keep well out of his way as much as possible; if that was possible at all.

* * *

A/N: Just the start, please keep trying... 


	2. Defending Neville

Author's Note: The Title for this story comes from the very excellent Song "Cracking" by Suzanne Vega.

It'll actually make more sense later on in the story. I hope you're enjoying this story...please let me know if you like it. How I can improve it, etc, etc...I'm not a teenager anymore...(not even close) so Meg is written completely from a twenty something's point of view...hopefully she'll be acting like a twenty something and not a schoolchild herself...anyway, here goes! 

03/03/08 Good grief, it's been so long I'm now a thirty something!

As always...J.K.Rowling rules (and owns the lot!)

* * *

Meg surveyed her class and sat herself down behind her desk.

"I've looked through all your past work grades and found that, well, all is not as it should be, with the exception of a rare few." Her gaze went to Hermione Granger who was watching her with a look of complete attention. Meg had already heard of this student, now she knew what they'd all been saying.

"But… this is a new year and so we'll all start with fresh clean sheets. Pardon, Mr Malfoy?" Meg had heard his whispered "Bed sheets?" to the pasty faced girl beside him that Meg knew to be Pansy Parkinson. 

Nine tenths of the staff had warned her about the four Slytherins sitting towards the back. The tenth professor being Snape who had remained tight lipped about anything regarding his previous position.

She looked down at Malfoy now; her face perfectly blank. Malfoy looked up at her and coughed.

"Just a cough, Professor," he lied smoothly, smiling nicely at her.

Meg kept her blank stare on him. If Snape was the master of the sneer, then Meg was mistress of the unreadable expression.

"Really? Well it is rather cold in here and damp." She looked around her and raising her wand, gave a quick flick and a command. The fire shot into life and clouds of smoke billowed out into the room, making everyone start coughing loudly.

"What the... Did the man never light a fire in here?" The words left her mouth before she could think; instantly cursing herself for saying such thing in front of her students.

"Stand back!" She called in a sharp, controlled, voice and waving her wand dispersed the smoke, but not before Snape who had been in his office beside the classroom came out to see what was going on.

"Is this a new potion I haven't heard about?" His calm, silky voice spoke from the doorway where he stood; arms folded to hold each elbow inside his robes.

Meg felt her skin prickle with annoyance, damn the man for living in an ice-block and damn him for arriving now of all times.

She turned to him, a tiny smile on her face, her eyes wintry.

"Not at all, Professor Snape, just a little smoke from a fireplace that hasn't been used in a long time." She smiled politely at him and returned to her class. The tight grip on the back of her chair the only give away sign that she was uptight.

Damn him if he tried to undermine her here, in front of her first class.

"I see." He swept the room with his black eyes; glaring at Harry, Ron and Hermione "I was rather expecting to hear Longbottom had made an idiot of himself again," he intoned coldly, his black gaze swept to Neville who visibly shrank back in his chair.

"Mr. Longbottom?" asked Meg innocently, while seething inside "No. Mr. Malfoy was having trouble with a cough; I thought we'd have a bit of heat in here. I'm not used to Arctic conditions after all, thank you for your concern, Professor Snape. Now class, turn to page 49 of your books and read the list of materials required. Ten points to anyone who can figure out a better substitute for arrowroot." Meg had dismissed him and was smiling warmly at her students, well aware of his cold eyes on her; but Meg continued to teach not looking back at the door until it was almost the end of the lesson. When she did glance quickly at the door, Snape, as she had figured, was gone.

Meg watched the class file out of her classroom; her eyes twinkling warmly at the ones who said goodbye to her. Finally Neville shuffled past.

"Mr. Longbottom, I'd like a word please," she said softly and saw the look of abject horror on his face; she mentally cursed Snape and gave the boy a wide warm smile.

"Right then, Neville. Let's get a few things cleared up here, shall we?"

"Pardon, Miss?" he managed, losing all the colour in his face.

"Well, you're not doing an awfully good job in potions, are you?" she asked kindly.

"I… er...I...No!" he finally admitted.

"Well, that's perfectly alright. After all it's what I'm here for; no point teaching people who already know how to brew potions, is there?" she said quietly.

He seemed to cheer-up slightly at that.

"You're quite a way behind, and that just won't do, Neville. Basic potion brewing isn't hard, not at this level; it does get more complicated, especially when you have to combine charms with it. Then it gets more advanced and you do actually have to be able to wave your wand and get it to work. But these potions are about mixing and combining ingredients. Follow your lists and you can't go wrong."

"But I do miss," he said sadly.

"Yes, well, I have my theories on that; but what I'm trying to say here, Neville, is quite simple. When we try the colour-changing potion tomorrow, you'll be starting with that blank sheet we spoke about earlier. I have no preconceptions about you, so relax, enjoy yourself and try your best. It's all I ask from you."

Neville smiled shyly at her and left leaving Meg sighing. He was so like her; or how she had been. She clicked her tongue as she looked around the drab, still chilly dungeon classroom. She had work to do; a dungeon to make habitable, and more importantly, another class to teach.

* * *

Snape made his way down to the dungeons; his feet making no noise on the stone floors despite the boots he wore. He stopped outside the classroom and shuddered as he looked around his former sanctuary.

"What have you done?" he asked in horror, stepping into his beloved classroom. His classroom! And she had destroyed it, desecrated it and without as much as a "by your leave". 

"Hum?" Megan looked up from a cauldron she was stirring and arched an eyebrow at him. Inwardly she sighed, couldn't he go and terrorise another part of the castle, and then she remembered; his rooms were down here.

"What's up, Professor?" she asked blandly, her tone inferring she didn't really care if he told her or not.

"My classroom," he sneered and walked in. His eyes taking in the white- washed walls, the posters now hanging showing a mixture of potions and... cake recipes? He stared again.

"What have you done?" he stared in horror at the desk which had all been changed from wooden tables to brightly coloured desks; each holding all the equipment needed.

A bookcase stood on one wall, holding all of Meg's considerable collection of potion books.

"Cleaned up," she stated and taking the ladle from the potion took a sip and winced.

"Hot!" she muttered, fanning her mouth.

She picked up a vial of white powder and shook it over the cauldron, she hummed and hawed and added another shake.

"Oh, what the heck, it won't hurt none," she muttered before stirring it one last time.

Snape came forward and sneered down at her; his arms folding inside his sleeves.

"I suppose this is your way of putting your mark on my dungeon," he stated coldly. "Brewing Black Current Cordial and putting obscene posters about cakes on the wall!"

"Nope!" She shook her head, still not looking up at him as she ladled some of the purple mixture into some clean bottles. "It's been my experience that children learn more when they feel comfortable and not threatened; or as if they were in prison."

"Humph! You had one year teaching science at a Muggle school, not experience in my world, Professor." Snape peered into the cauldron. "Half the students who pass through these corridors aren't worth the effort you're going to expend! A lot of dunderheads!"

"Why, Severus," Megan looked up at him and pinned him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "You sound just like a grumpy old man; and it was eighteen months actually."

To say Snape was shocked was an understatement; he couldn't recall anyone ever treating him with so little respect. He was well aware that below her calm exterior she was laughing at him; having fun at his expense. How dare she! He drew himself up straight and glared at her. The look on his face was usually enough to have the best of students cowering under his gaze. But not her; she was looking up at him with wide grey eyes that were filled with laughter. Damn her!

"Professor Kincaid, I.." he started to speak but she interrupted him with a wave of her ladle, narrowly missing spraying him with contents.

"Oh, go on with you," she grinned and went back to her cauldron. "It's my classroom now. You have that rather nice one on the eighth floor, overlooking the lake. Give it up, Severus; you can't have it both ways, Defence Against Dark Arts, which I am sure you will teach exceptionally well, or Potions. You choose!"

Snape hissed in fury, not at her attitude, not at her lack of respect in him, but her words.

"And why do you say I will teach Defence Against Dark Arts exceptionally? What are you implying, Professor Kincaid," he snapped, his voice whipped her like an icy wind.

"Well...!" she looked up at him, understanding in her eyes, but her face blank. "Surely, Headmaster Dumbledore wouldn't have chosen you if it weren't the case."

He stared down at her, dislike clear in his face.

"Don't think you can smart mouth me," his hissed. "Keep out of my way and we'll get on just fine." He swept towards the door.

"Don't want any then?" she called after him, holding out a ladle with the blackcurrant cordial.

He didn't look back, although she knew he'd heard; he just swept down to his room his robes billowing out after him.

"It is rather good! Even if I say so myself," she called out again as he slammed his door shut on her clear, mocking, voice.

Her face hardened as his door slammed. She'd met his kind before and she could only agree with the keep out of his way bit; but then so far, it'd been him who'd trespassed onto her land! She wouldn't let him bully her; she wouldn't let him ruin the chance she had here.

It was true she had no experience of teaching in a magical school, but she hadn't wanted to leave the country and go abroad to teach. She was qualified to teach here; she had graduated highest in her year for potions and she had gone on to work hard for her Professorship before having to take the muggle job in order to pay bills. It had been better than her wildest dreams when, not only had this position opened, but that she had been accepted to teach here. No, she wasn't going to let Snape ruin this for her.

* * *

Meg sat down wearily in the chair by the fire, curling her feet under her; her boots lying in a heap beside the chair. She closed her eyes and let the other professors voices wash over her. The staff room was probably her favourite place to be after her own rooms; she liked company, easy company that didn't require a lot of effort, talk revolved around school and nothing personal, which is how she liked it. She was beginning to drift when a curse filled the room.

"Who left these... Oh, I might have guessed," came an angry voice. She opened her sleepy eyes and looked straight up into Snape's cold black ones.

"Problem, Severus?" She refused to give him any other name; it would give him a superiority over her that she wouldn't allow.

"Your boots," he hissed and dropped them into her lap. They were heavy, black boots, steel toecaps, army issue, the last present her brother had ever given her; she loved them, but they hurt her now as they dropped into her lap.

"Hey!" She pushed them of her lap, rubbing her stomach where they hit. "You don't have to beat me up!"

"Hardly," he sneered and sat himself in the chair opposite her. "Of course, if you didn't leave them lying around..." he let his words fade.

She sneered back at him in perfect imitation of him, making Minerva chuckle and quickly hide it with a cough.

Meg winked at Snape and shut her eyes again, determined to sit and relax till she had to return to her classroom.

"You should sleep at night, not here," he stated coldly, his hands wrapped around a mug of tea. She opened her eyes and blinked.

"I'm not sleeping, Severus, just meditating, balancing myself. Might be able to resist the urge to hex the entire class of Slytherins I have next." She smiled icily at him, while her voice dripped saccharine sweetness.

"Giving you trouble?" asked Minerva, coming to perch beside Meg on the arm

"Oh no. Trying though! All of them, except one lad, not at all certain why he was put in that house."

"Martin Coulding," Minerva agreed instantly, Meg was aware of Snape listening to them.

"Yeah, I'd have thought Ravenclaw; on intelligence he comes a close second to Hermione Granger, the only one worth any effort." She shot Snape a sly look.

"And here was me thinking the artistic changes were going to free the intelligence in these brats," Snape said dryly, mocking her.

"Oh it has; Neville Longbottom has improved. It's just that with my next class, short of brain and heart transplants, nothing can help them, guess that's why they were put in Slytherin," she mused, knowing the impact her words would have, and had to admit it was below the belt.

"Are you implying Slytherin is for idiots? A kind of Dunce house?" Snape asked coldly, only just keeping his temper in, but not even trying to keep the nastiness out of his voice.

Meg sighed and her shoulders sagged slightly, she regretted her words now, that last statement was totally unfair.

"No." She shook her head and looked him dead in the eye. "I'm sorry, Severus, that was totally uncalled for. Completely forgot about insults being the death of an argument. Slytherin isn't a dunce house. On the contrary; it has some of the sharpest, most devious minds I've come across..…" she stopped at Minerva's hand on her shoulder.

"Ssh! Quit while you're ahead," she whispered and Meg realised that once again her words were insulting.

"No, that's not, well; yes I do mean it. What I mean is… oh blow it, Severus, you know what I'm saying!" She jumped up and swooped up her boots and left the staff room, huffing and puffing. She always put her foot in it, not that she wasn't correct about the devious bit; you only had to look at half of their parentage to see that. What was it she'd heard some Gryffindor saying yesterday; Death Eaters Youth Brigade? But even so, to pre-judge a child by their parents was uncalled for and unkind.

"Professor Kincaid." The cool voice stopped her with a huff of frustration.

"What now? What did I do this time? Did I offend you again? Shut the door too loudly? Not loudly enough?" Meg was aware she was being childish even as she spoke, but something about this man brought out the worst in her.

"I was going to say I accept your apology about Slytherin," he said and sounded mildly amused.

She turned and stared up at him. He was a good six inches taller than her, so he really did look down his slightly hooked nose at her, a half sneer, half smile on his face. It made him look like he was laughing at her, which she didn't really doubt for a minute anyway.

"Oh good," she breathed. "Now I can sleep tonight." She said it sweetly, but her eyes flashed at him. She turned and carried on, still clutching her boots in her hand.

* * *

Megan looked down at her empty plate and gave a sigh of satisfaction.

"Enjoyed it, my dear?" asked the diminutive Professor Flitwick.

"Oh...wonderful!" She grinned at him.

She looked up as hundreds of owls came swooping in bearing the mail to their respective owners.

She heard Snape give a chuckle and turned to him in astonishment.

"What is it?" she asked watching his sneer grow as he turned to look at her.

"Longbottom has received a 'howler'," he said darkly, the malicious glint evident in his eyes and voice.

"Oh dear!" she said, her eyes went to Neville as he stared in despair at the red letter on his plate, even from here she could hear Ron and Hermione telling him to "open it and get it over with", she felt sorry for the lad.

"Oh, what a shame," she whispered.

Snape snorted and a rush of anger went through her.

"Severus, really, how can you be so heartless? He's just a child, and a very unhappy one at the best of times," she hissed at him. His response was drowned out as Neville's grandmothers screams of disgust at his school grades, reports and general lack of skill were heard throughout the great hall.

Meg watched the lad in pity as she saw him rush from the hall, bright red with humiliation. She was slightly appeased to see his friends rush after him.

"Well, look, Professor Kincaid, the three musketeers to the rescue," Snape drawled sarcastically watching as the trio joined the other Gryffindors in rushing to Neville's aid.

She turned to him, angered again by his apparent cruelty.

"How can you be so cruel, so unfeeling, he's a child!" She said to him heatedly.

Snape regarded her quietly for a moment before replying.

"He's a budding wizard and no longer a child; he his almost an adult, Professor Kincaid, and as such he has to learn to become one. Things may have improved drastically with the defeat of the Dark Lord, but if the same thing should ever happen again, how on earth would he be able to protect himself when he can't even spell his own name properly," he said it quietly, smoothly, but his tone was dark.

"You miss the point, Severus, being able to spell ones name has no bearing on ones character. And besides, Neville has a problem with his confidence, not his literacy! I'm certain if he was helped and not bullied he'd improve considerably," she replied, unaware that most if not all the staff table were now straining to hear their conversation. None of them could recall anyone ever taking Snape to task over his treatment of the children.

"You are the eternal optimist, Professor Kincaid, and I might add, heading for a fall if you think Longbottom will ever get higher than a "Useless" on his final exam paper."

"Really, Professor Snape? Well, we'll just have to wait and see won't we!" she hissed at him totally outraged with his attitude. Her grey eyes blazed up at him, her cheeks slightly flushed with temper.

"I don't have to wait to see! I know." he intoned silkily, his black eyes flashing at her.

He stood up and muttering a goodbye to the other professors he stalked out of the hall.

"Oh the… infuriating… infernal... know it all!" She slid her chair back and swept out after him.

She caught up with him outside the door to his rooms in the dungeons.

"Professor Snape!" His name left her lips on a hiss of pure rage.

"What now, Professor Kincaid?" He turned towards her, his face a mask of boredom.

"You...you...how dare you sit there and be that boys judge and jury before he even takes his exams!"

"Let me remind you who has been trying to teach him for the past six years," he said icily, his voice low and level, the same tone that told anyone who knew him to back off. But Meg was too annoyed to notice and too fired up to back off.

"I know you've been bullying him for the past six years. To say you teach is a bit far-fetched!" She riled, her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing pure rage.

Snape drew himself up at the insult and glared down at her.

"Enough!" He commanded, he rose one hand up palm facing her.

"No, it's not enough!" She rushed on. "You treat him and the others like him as if they were completely brainless, and they are not, cowed, I think is a better word! I've met your type before Snape! I had my own hellish Professor who treated me exactly the same way, and at potions! I won't let you do the same!" She saw the flash of rage in his eyes too late. He took one step towards her, his hand shot out and gripped her shoulder tightly.

She backed away straight into the wall, a fission of fear slid down her spine, but she refused to be cowed by him.

"Professor Kincaid, You are treading very dangerously. I suggest you give up while you still can," he whispered, his face a mask of fury.

"Then back off Neville and all the others like him," she whispered back; still refusing to back down even though she had real fear coursing through her veins now.

"I will back off when, and if, he ever shows any true courage." He stepped closer again, till he was evading her space; so close she could feel his breath on her face, warm and sweet with the toast and marmalade he'd had for breakfast.

"I don't appreciate having some snooty nosed upstart, fresh from playing at teaching in some Muggle school, trying to tell me how to teach."

His face came closer and Meg dragged in a ragged breath, but it was more than fear she was feeling now; a strange expectancy filled her, her eyes went to his lips.

He watched her and cursing, he dropped his head closer and brushed her lips with his. He gripped her shoulder tighter, as feelings shot through him that he hadn't expected.

Meg gasped, her mouth opened under his lips and before she could react his tongue had slid between her lips. Her hands moved to his chest, her fingers curling into his robes as fire raced through her, she returned his kiss as he deepened it. He pressed her body back against the wall and slid his other hand into her hair and gripped a handful, his fingers digging deep into her scalp.

He lifted his head finally when the need to breath was too great, and realisation washed over both of them.

He jumped back from her as if she'd struck him. Meg sagged against the wall, her fingers going to her thoroughly kissed mouth. She stared at him in shock.

"What…" he took another step back, shaking his head. Disgust crossed his face, before it hardened.

"That was a mistake! A one time thing, that won't be happening again," he hissed and turning swept into his rooms, slamming the door shut so hard she felt the shake through her body still pressed to the wall.

"Yes, Severus," she whispered still in shock. "A one time thing!" 


	3. Points meansmore arguing!

DISCLAIMER : Everything is still J.K. Rowling's...unfortunately...if only it had been my idea!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Katheirne aka Star and EmpressSarah for reviewing so nicely...I hope you continue to enjoy it!

* * *

How dare she!

Severus Snape paced in his room, aware that the 'she' in question was next door with a class full of students. The fingers of one hand drummed against his hip as he paced back and forth. The other hand was covering his mouth; he could still feel her lips on his, the sweet taste of her…

Stop it, Severus!

He almost howled aloud in anger. She had to be at least ten years his junior and she had the gall to stand there and judge him. Tell him he was a bully!

He had no doubts that she knew he'd been involved with the defeat of Voldemort, and he also didn't doubt that she knew his past history before that. He couldn't, however, say for sure if she knew he'd been a Death Eater. But it stood to reason the annoying woman was holding his past against him. She couldn't honestly be objecting to his teaching methods. It wasn't his fault if Longbottom and the others were so spineless they didn't know how to stand up for themselves.

It was his experience that if you didn't get hard quick you were in for an almighty shock when you left the schools protection. Couldn't she see that? Longbottom had to know how to defend himself now or never learn. He'd always be the one to be stood on by others, people who truly didn't care about him.

He stopped pacing and stared without seeing at the fireplace, cold and lifeless. Just the way he liked things.

He would ignore her, not talk to her unless it was absolutely necessary… but that kiss, that kiss.

His fingers traced over his lips unconsciously, and then he straightened with a snort of derision, she was a witch after all. She probably spelled him; knew she didn't have a leg to stand on where Longbottom was concerned and resorted to a little spell casting to save herself from admitting it. Merlin knew that must be the only reason she had responded the way she had.

She was nothing more than an annoying glitch in his life. He could put up with glitches, could ignore them. He was Severus Snape, Defence Against Dark Arts Professor. He'd stood against Voldemort, and was still alive to try and forget it. One small annoying glitch was nothing to a man like him. He raised his head; his face proud. He left his rooms and swept out of the dungeons to his own classroom. Everything had been sorted neatly into compartments in his head, everything was right again. Severus Snape was, as usual, right and she, Professor Megan Kincaid was wrong. As for the kiss, he would brush it away like an annoying piece of lint from his jacket.

* * *

Meg stood up from the wall; her fingers still on her lips. She could hear the cacophony of noise that only a classroom of children heading her way could make. She slipped into her room and ran her hands through her strawberry blonde hair, it had come loose from the braid it had been in before Severus had gripped a handful and...

Meg bit her lip, she could still feel his hand on her shoulder and his hand in her hair, still feel the cool pressure of his lips.

Stop it! She commanded herself silently.

Severus Snape was nothing more than an egotistical man that was so conceited he couldn't see when he was wrong. He had used kissing her to shut her up when he knew he was cornered in his arguments. Just like a man, never admitting when they were wrong.

"Miss?"

She looked round as her class were sitting down and looking at her. Hermione Granger was looking up at her with surprise on her face.

"What is it, Miss Granger?" she asked, dragging her mind away from the most annoying of men.

"What is that?" She pointed at the simmering cauldron in the corner and the trays of vials filled with a pale violet liquid.

Meg immediately brightened and resolutely pushing Snape from her mind she looked at her class.

"That is your assignment for today. You'll get together in groups of four. I'll hand around vials of the potion and then by studying it closely, smell, colour etc, I want you to have a go at identifying it, no tasting it!" She gave them a stern look. "Neville, Hermione, come and help me hand this lot around!" She pointed at three trays of the vials.

Meg watched Neville carefully, his face had gone pale at his name and she could see his hands shaking from here. She took a tray and decided the only way around it was to let him get on with it.

She saw it happen, plain as day, as Neville went past Malfoy he moved slightly and nudged Neville's arm sending the vials sliding across the tray. Ron quick as lightening caught the edge of the tray holding it to stop it slipping completely.

"Careful idiot!" Malfoy growled at Neville.

"Please, Professor Granger... Malfoy nudged Neville!" Hermione immediately spoke up quietly.

"Sit down, Hermione, I know what happened!" Meg said strongly. "Now, Mr. Malfoy care to tell me what you thought you could accomplish from deliberately nudging Mr. Longbottom?" she asked him icily, pinning him with her grey, hard eyes.

"I didn't touch him," Malfoy said innocently, a gleam of defiance in his eyes.

"Are you calling me a liar? In much the same manner you called Mr. Longbottom an idiot?" she hissed at him, furiously cold.

"No, Miss." He looked up at her calmly.

"Well, apologise to Mr Longbottom please," she commanded him.

"What?" Malfoy stared at her now as if she'd grown another head.

"Now, please, Mr Malfoy. I'm just wondering whether to take a hundred points from Slytherin for your behaviour or fifty, the choice is yours." She was aware the whole class was watching them both closely; it was clearly Malfoy's way of trying to get the upper hand, except Meg was no fool.

He glared at her and muttered an apology.

"Pardon, Mr Malfoy? It's Mr Longbottom you're apologising to, not your robes. Speak up lad!"

Malfoy went bright red and glaring at an equally red Neville he said quite clearly he was sorry, although it was also clear to the entire room he was not sincere.

"Right then, and let me make it quite clear once and for all; you are all no longer small children, most of you are sixteen almost seventeen, and in that case I expect you to act as young men and women. Not reception children! Everyone has to show respect in my class or they will be asked to leave. Is that clear?"

The class gave murmurs of yes and she grinned again. The icy atmosphere cleared.

"Oh and five points to Gryffindor for quick actions." She winked at Ron and went back to the front of the class.

* * *

Snape looked at Malfoy and repressed a sigh, things were so difficult still. Even though Voldemort had once again been defeated it didn't mean his followers had all been destroyed as well. A lot of them were now in Azkaban but some had wangled out of trouble again. And they were still with some power; but, as usual the Ministry buried their collective heads in the sand and announced all was well with the world.

Snape, still kept up appearances that, for the most part, were no longer just appearance but a way of life. And as such he still favoured his own house, but then again, he was pretty certain he'd favour them anyway.

Snape stared at the grinning idiot that was Lucius Malfoy's son. A grinning idiot, but one that was most certainly dangerous if not treated with care. He was never quite sure where Draco's loyalties lay. He had been saved from committing one way or the other once before and he was certain that Lucius had a big influence over Draco. But at the same time he knew there was no love lost between father and son and he was inclined to think that perhaps, with a miracle, Draco could turn out alright. But obviously not today.

Snape turned away from Malfoy to prevent the boy seeing the look of hate cross his face. Malfoy Senior had wormed his way out of it again, along with half of his friends. And as such would remain a danger and was part of the reason why Snape remained the way he was. Malfoy had fingers in a lot of pies and a lot of people in his pocket. He was and always would be a dangerous man.

Lucius, and a few others had been able to convince the Ministry that they had never returned to Voldemort's service. But Severus Snape wasn't fooled and neither had Dumbledore been. It was the money that each family had possessed that had really saved their necks; which on the surface was what had appeared to save his neck as well.

"Professor Kincaid then took fifty points for Longbottom's own stupidity and clumsiness!" Malfoy whined behind him.

Snape picked up a pile of scrolls that needed grading and turned back to Malfoy, his face hard and dark.

"I will look into it, Malfoy," he said softly, his face giving no emotion away.

Malfoy smiled cockily at him.

"I knew you would Sir. Fair play and all that." Malfoy tipped his head at him and sauntered out of the classroom his hands in his trouser pockets under the robes he wore.

Snape watched him go and clicked his tongue. Shaking his head he swept out of his classroom and down to the dungeons to his rooms. There was still an hour before tea. Professor Kincaid had better come up with a good excuse.

* * *

Meg was marking scrolls when the classroom door was banged open and Snape swept inside at high speed. The door slammed shut on itself as Meg jumped and dropped her quill.

"Good grief! Where's the fire?" she cried out jumping to her feet, gathering her robes around her.

"Fire? What are you talking about?" he sneered and came forward to lean against her desk, in much the same manner as he did when it used to be his classroom.

"Well?" Meg stared at him startled. "Is there a reason you come barging in here, without knocking I might add, like some sort of delinquent?" she asked him coldly, sitting down and picking her quill back up.

"Fifty points from Slytherin for Longbottom's mistake, doesn't seem like a good teaching method to me, Professor Kincaid," he said softly, glaring down at her.

"Ah!" She put her quill down, folded her hands on the pile of scrolls and prepared to do battle.

"I see Malfoy has been snivelling to you," she remarked coolly, she kept her eyes on his hands which were gripping the sleeves of his robes.

"Care to explain?" he asked silkily, ignoring her last comment.

Meg chose to misunderstand him.

"Well, snivelling is when someone who has no good reason..…"

"I'm well aware of what snivelling is, Professor Kincaid, and that wasn't what I was asking, as you well know," he cut her of darkly.

"Oh, you mean why would I take fifty points from Malfoy who..." She began to tick off her fingers. "Deliberately nudged Longbottom, insulted Longbottom and then suggested I was a liar when he didn't have the guts to admit what he did." She looked up into his eyes and shuddered; his eyes were so black she thought of ink, there was no brown in them, only hard, cold, black.

"So, take your pick which part of that list deserved the fifty points? He was fortunate, it would have been a hundred if he hadn't stood down and apologised to Longbottom." She refused to let him intimidate her; although he was doing a pretty good job of being intimidating.

"I see you're a teacher who picks favourites," he said quietly, knowing there was no way he could dispute her decision to deduct points.

She sighed and sat back, watching him closely.

"Severus. I don't have favourites, I just dislike seeing bullies. And I will not stand to have some upstart trying to undermine my authority in this classroom. You should understand that."

"I seriously doubt Malfoy was trying to undermine your authority," Snape said smoothly.

She stared at him in disbelief.

"You're joking, right? Surely you're not that blind, Severus?"

"I just wonder to myself if it had been anyone other than Longbottom, whether your reaction would have been the same," he said it softly, clearly, enunciating every word.

"Professor Snape!" She stood upright her chair scraping across the stone floor.

"How dare you, I would react that way to… to... oh! Get out of my classroom!" She hissed.

"Don't get all riled up, Professor." He was mocking her now. "The truth hurts sometimes."

"Right!" She slammed her palms down on the desk. "You want favouritism? I'll give you favouritism. Your beloved Slytherin house! You have some of the worst bullies I have ever had the misfortune to meet right under your nose and you chose to ignore their actions!" She frowned at him. "Or do you condone them? After all, you do tend to be a bit of a bully yourself," she accused.

Anger flashed across his face, he drew himself up facing her.

"I am not a bully!"

"Really? Then what do you call the way you treat children like Longbottom, Potter, Weasley and Granger? Not to mention what you're doing here now?"

"Troublemakers. The lot of them!" he hissed. "Potter thinks he can do whatever he likes. He's a rule breaker and breaking rules requires punishment, even you can not argue against that." He chose to ignore her last comment.

Meg shook her head and sank back down into her seat

"And Malfoy is different?" she questioned him and then shaking her head again she answered her own question. "Yes, yes, of course he's different. He's Slytherin for one thing, seems to automatically make them exempt from rules in your book, doesn't it? But the main difference between Potter and Malfoy is that when Potter breaks the rules he does so for the good of others."

"He's just arrogant, thinks he's set aside from everyone else," Snape snorted.

"Then I would imagine you'd get on better together," she said smoothly.

"Tsk! Tsk, Professor, forgotten your own rule of insults in an argument?"

"It's not an insult when it happens to be the truth. You are extremely arrogant, Severus!"

"As you are annoying," he returned and glared at her.

"Why did you come here?" she suddenly asked him. "Apart from to whinge about Malfoy and his fifty point business."

"I do not whinge," he stated darkly and narrowed his eyes at her. "And don't think you can spell me again."

"Spell you?" She looked at him startled. "Now what are you on about?"

"This morning, when you kissed me," he spat.

"Excuse me! You kissed me!" She said hotly. "I did not spell you... you... you... toad!" She got up from her desk and began to pick up the scrolls; she would have to get out of here before she really considered murdering the arrogant idiot.

"I beg your pardon?" he spat, moving to stop her escape; he stood in front of her and glared down at her.

"Please let me pass, Professor Snape!" she hissed.

"No. Not till you admit you're wrong, on all counts," he demanded arrogantly.

"I am not!" She cried. "And if you didn't have your head buried so far into the sand you'd see for yourself what kinds of people reside in your house!"

"I know what kind of people they are. I'm not as blind as you think," he said dangerously softly. Damn she was too close, he felt that stirring again, and if he was truthful, he knew she wasn't spelling him. He wasn't so old, or bitter that he had forgotten what attraction felt like. And it would appear that he was attracted to her.

She wasn't particularly beautiful, not even pretty. Her eyes were a slate grey that could hold warmth or be incredibly cold, her hair was a mismatch of colour, her bone structure was petite he could see that from the size of her hands, but she tended slightly towards being rounded, not plump, not curvy, just pleasantly round. But then he had always leaned more towards the more feminine form. Thin women held no attraction for him. And he had to admit that his body and his mind were finding this woman very attractive.

He looked down at her, her face flushed with anger, those eyes hard as flint now. He had observed that her face was kept as expressionless as she could make it, but her eyes weren't so easily controlled and he could see anger and something else in them now. Desire. She found him attractive too.

Anger and lust were flip sides. And lust was something that could quite easily be sated and put behind them. That thought was enough to make him swoop down on her.

Once again Meg found herself being kissed passionately by Professor Snape. And once again she felt the sparks.

The scrolls dropped to the floor between them. She stepped forwards her arms going around his neck as his hands gripped her waist; his mouth possessing hers completely.

He trailed kisses down her throat and then buried his face into her neck, breathing deeply as Meg clung to him.

"What's happening?" she asked raggedly. "I'm not spelling you, honest!"

"I know," he muttered, his hands went round her to hold her closely. "I know your not," he admitted and stood back from her.

"Severus, I..." Meg stepped back from him and bending began to pick up her scrolls; her cheeks flaming.

"Professor Kincaid, we have to discuss this," he said softly, bending to help her. "We seem to be attracted to each other," he said calmly, not giving away just how attracted to her he was. "I think it's best if we get it out of our systems," he spoke softly, a tone to his voice she had never heard from him before.

"What?" She looked up at him, her mind in a whirl, confusion filled her at his words.

"Well, we have to work together, Professor Kincaid. If every time we disagree we end up in each others arms things are going to be very difficult."

"Are you saying.. " Meg jumped to her feet backing away from him quickly, horror on her face, as his suggestion sank in.

"I realise I'm not an attractive person, Professor Kincaid. You don't have to make your revulsion of me quite so plain, but as we've both become aware, the basic instinct is sometimes stronger than logic." He stood up slowly setting the scrolls down on her desk.

He looked down at her, sneering at her, his eyes black and bottomless.

"Come now, Professor Kincaid. It's not such a ludicrous suggestion, and I'm sure it would work."

I...I... I don't think I've ever... please just go!" She backed away from him again, feelings and emotions swirling through her so strong, she could feel tears close to the surface. Where was her ability to be so calm now? The ability to hide her emotions? Around this man everything just crumpled. But then she didn't think she'd been so blatantly propositioned before.

"As you wish." He backed up slightly, his dark eyes still watching her closely.

"Severus." She said his name before she could think. Gathering every last part of her pride she stood up straight and faced him.

"I will not go alone with your idea. We are both adults, now we've faced up to these, these, er..."

"Desires?" he offered dryly.

"Yes, thank you, these desires. We're both adult enough, I hope, not to act like teenagers. We will simply put it behind us and carry on as if nothing has happened which it hasn't, not really, it's not like we've done anything. Heat of the moment!" She began to pace as she spoke, trying to clear things up in her own mind as she spoke, if she could convince him, she could convince herself!

"Yes, that's it, heat of the moment! Like you said this morning. A one time thing!" she nodded, happy with her explanations. She looked up at him.

He was standing by the door, he'd moved silently while she had been talking and pacing without her even noticing.

"It strikes me, Professor Kincaid, that this IS a one time thing, it just seems to happen a lot!" He bowed his head slightly at her, his dark eyes never leaving hers. "But, we will play it your way." He turned and left the classroom, leaving Meg staring at the door open-mouthed.

Confound the man!

Meg slapped her hand down on the desk in annoyance.

How dare he treat her like that? Suggest she sleep with him like some common slut he'd picked up on the street!

She swept the scrolls into her arms and stomped out of the classroom, a dark frown on her face.

What a nerve!

She huffed her way to her private rooms, almost crushing the scrolls in the process.

She'd a good mind to curse the man.

She flung the scrolls down on her study desk and flung herself down on her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, but saw only Severus' face. Her fingers went to her lips; he could kiss alright!

She closed her eyes annoyed at her errant thoughts. But even behind her eyelids she could still see his face.

She had to admit to herself she found the man incredible attractive and she had no idea why; or did she?

She knew he had been a Death Eater. That he still bore the mark of the Dark Lord. But she also knew the great personal risk he'd taken when he became a spy for the ministry. Dumbledore had told her that much when he first accepted her application for the position. She had been very unsure about having to work along side Severus Snape, but Dumbledore had taken the time to allay her fears.

She knew the man was inherently good. He'd made some major mistakes in his life, granted, but then everyone had done things they were ashamed of. Goodness she'd walked that road too!

She detested the way he treated his students, especially the ones who weren't as bright as the others, but still she found him incredible attractive; his long slim hands, graceful, capable, gentle. She sat up quickly, she would not go there.

She would act like an adult, even if he didn't make her feel like one. She began some deep breathing meditation exercises. She would not think about him, or his offer. Her mind immediately fed her a picture of them together in his rooms.

She swallowed deeply and shook her head. No! Those were thoughts she would steel herself from.

She could do it! She would do it!

Snape took his mean temper and self-revulsion out on a poor, unsuspecting first year that had got in his way.

"Watch where you're going! Fifty points from Ravenclaw," he hissed and swept past the frightened girl who hadn't even been moving when Snape had swept round the corner headlong into her.

Snape sneered at anything and everything that he set eyes on.

How could he have said such a thing to her? She wasn't that type of woman; he'd have to be blind not to see that. Certainly completely different from the women he'd bedded in the past; and far more self respecting than to hop into bed with him. She may have been momentarily thrown by the attraction they both felt, but he sincerely doubted that she felt enough attraction to sleep with him. He was aware of what he looked like. He knew he was sallow from not enough sunlight, and his hair was long, an appearance he'd used to keep people away from him. He was naturally a solitary person. But even if he hadn't been, his history and his actions now made him one. He'd made some decisions in his time that would make Professor Kincaid's hair curl if she ever found out! He'd been a fool to even mutter those words, to even think them.

He growled and two fifth years immediately jumped out from behind the pillar they'd been kissing behind, thinking they'd been caught.

But Snape didn't even register their presence; he swept past, his face dark and angry.

He slammed his way into his classroom, his temper so foul, that even his favourite Slytherins got points deducted.

* * *

Meg sat in the staff room, resolutely avoiding the frowning Professor Snape.

Dumbledore came in and beamed around at them.

"I have an announcement to make. I will be telling the school at tonight's meal. But I will tell you all now! Professor Trelawey has had to leave us unexpectedly, family business."

"Which, just as it happens, didn't appear in her crystal ball. How odd," came Minerva's cool voice, making a few of them chuckle.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he came further into the room.

"So, of course, we had to find a Professor for Divination pretty quickly, and I'm pleased to say we have. Professor Dean Rider will be joining us for rest of the year."

Meg's stomach dropped straight down to her toes. It couldn't be him! Surely not!

"Professor Rider joins us from Divyners Research Institute of Divination. He has very kindly agreed to stay for the rest of the school year as he was due a Sabbatical anyway."

Meg's face went white as a ghost. She swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat and seriously thought she was going to be sick. How on earth had that happened? Dean here, at Hogwarts, what were the odds of that? The one place she had assumed she would be safe. She looked up, straight into Snape's curious gaze. He had seen her reaction and was clearly wondering why. Meg fumbled to her feet.

"Please, excuse me. I think I made my cordial too sweet," she muttered as she dashed from the room.

She ran down to her study in the dungeons and locked the door.

She was shaking with emotion. It had been seven years since she'd heard his name. And another two before that since she'd seen him last.

She slumped down next to the fire, grateful there were no more classes today.

She summoned her 'special' cordial and began to get seriously drunk.

A/N: Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it.


	4. Sinking Soufflé

Usual Disclaimer; Updated March 2008.

* * *

Dean Rider sat quietly; his hands folded in his lap. He was sitting at the other end of the table to Snape and Meg. Well, where Meg should have been sitting, except it was half way through breakfast and there was still no sign of her.

Snape watched Rider closely but he seemed content with just a goblet of juice and a slice of toast, which was half eaten. Madam Hooch was talking animatedly to him; Dumbledore was listening and nodding along to her conversation.

Snape picked up his goblet of juice and raised it to his lips, never taking his eyes of the new professor.

He heard the swish of wings and knew that mail had arrived, he took his eyes of Rider as he watched the students receiving their mail; half of him was hoping that Neville had received another 'howler'. His eyes went to Potter and Weasley, who were pouring over a copy of the Daily Prophet. His lips curved into a sneer.

How he longed for the end of this year; he could finally see the back of that little trio.

A plop broke his thoughts as Meg's owl dropped a letter onto her empty plate.

He narrowed his eyes and picked it up, slipping it inside his robes. His eyes going back to Rider who was now watching him; Snape kept his face cold and unreadable and stood up.

He would take Professor Kincaid's letter to her; it would give him a chance to snoop a bit. See what the great mystery was. He'd also show her who the adult between them was. He would make no mention of what had gone before. Besides, his curiosity was up. Rider seemed normal enough; although Snape found the continual smoothing back of his hair annoying. But he figured it could be a sign of nerves. Goodness knows the thought of a class full of dunderheads was enough to make any man nervous. Any man except him, of course.

He left the great hall and made his way up to the staff quarters till he was outside the door that led to her rooms. He drew his robes around him tightly and knocked firmly.

There was no answer.

He knocked again and tried the door handle. It was locked still, from the outside.

His eyebrows went up, this wasn't right. Meg never missed the chance of food.

For an instant he wondered if perhaps her cordial had been too sweet, perhaps she was too ill for food. It would serve her right! He'd never met anyone who could eat the way she could.

He turned and went down to the dungeons; he didn't have a class till after lunch today, he would just make sure she was okay. No, not okay, he didn't mean okay; he would just make sure she was... about.

He stopped outside her classroom and stared. It was full of first year students who were enjoying the finer points of paper dart making. He slammed the door back on its hinges and glared at them. They hastily made it back to their seats and sat there.

He snorted; the ability of children to be able to look as if they had never even thought of playing up never ceased to amaze him.

"Where is, Professor Kincaid?" he demanded coldly.

No one moved, not one word was uttered as they all stared at the most feared Professor in the school. Fear evident on their faces.

"Well, come on, you there, Devlin, isn't it? Where is she?" he asked a lad from his own house.

"Er, she hasn't shown up yet," he stumbled on his words.

"Stay exactly as you are. One movement, one sound and points will be lost," he ordered and swept out of the room.

Stupid woman what was she doing now!

He crossed to her study door and knocked hard, trying the handle, but this time it was locked from the inside.

Losing his patience, he drew out his wand and unlocked the door; he went inside and shut it behind him.

"Kincaid!" He didn't bother with formalities. His dark gaze swept the room and both eyebrows went up as he saw her curled up in her chair, sound asleep.

He clicked his tongue in impatience and went forward to her, he reached down and roughly shook her, but she just moaned and sunk further into the cosy armchair.

He spotted the empty bottles on the floor and shook his head.

"Drunk," he muttered. "You're drunk!" He drew his wand out and muttered a spell that would revive her enough to wake up.

She opened bleary eyes and glared up at him.

"What are you doing here?" she slurred.

"Finding out why you have a classroom of completely uncontrollable brats," he spat at her and stood well back from her.

"What?" she frowned and coming to a bit more, she looked at her clock on the fireplace mantle and gave an cry of shock at the time.

"Oh, good grief," she cried out and stumbled out of the chair to fall flat on her face at his feet.

She looked up at his legs and from an abstract point of view admired the rows of buttons that went half way up each trouser leg.

Snape stared down at her, refusing to help her up, refusing to even touch her. He was actually enjoying seeing her so helpless. She was an annoying woman and it was giving him much satisfaction seeing her floundering on the floor at his feet.

"No need to grovel, Professor Kincaid," he muttered gleefully.

She stumbled to her knees and glared up at him through a tangle of hair.

"I am not, and I can assure you never will, grovel at your feet!" She mustered up some pride, trying to ignore the pounding in her head, and the unsettled feeling in her stomach.

"I've missed breakfast, haven't I?" she asked quietly, trying to stop the room from swaying.

"Good lord woman," he spat. "Is your stomach all you can think about?" he demanded. "Look at you, you're in no fit state to be teaching!" He shook his head and his black hair swayed about his face.

Meg looked around for something to grip a hold of while she tried to stand up, the only stable thing in reach was Snape and she'd rather stay down there than ask for his help.

She crawled towards her desk and hoisted herself up, taking several deep breaths to ease the nausea filling her.

"I will be perfectly fine... Just give me a moment," she muttered and Snape watched impressed as her face turned a pale shade of green; he was loving every minute of this and she knew it too.

"The only thing you need is a hangover potion. Honestly, getting drunk on a school night! Did no one ever tell you the answer to your problems do not lie in the bottom of a bottle?"

"No! Severus, the answer to my problems lies in you getting the hell out of here," she muttered, clutching her stomach. She took several more deep breaths and stood up straight, the room immediately started to spin. She clutched her desk frantically.

"Oh, for pete's sake," he spat out and came forward to grip her arm. He lifted her clean of the floor and set her down in her chair again and then quickly backed up.

"Stay here! There is no way you're in any condition to teach potions this morning. I don't think it would go down too well if, in your current inebriated state, you blew half of Hogwarts up!"

"That won't happen," she huffed at him, secretly glad to be curled up again, resting her head back.

"No! It won't! Because I will take your classes this morning," he hissed at her and swept out of the room, banging the door behind him, knowing full well it would hurt her head.

Meg groaned and shut her eyes... of all the people to find her like this. It had to be him! Damn the man!

Snape turned and with a malicious grin on his face looked up to see Professor Rider stood in the open doorway of Meg's classroom, talking to the students.

Snape stood perfectly still, the grin faded as he listened.

"So, you're Potions teacher hasn't turned up yet! Oh well, I'm sure it will turn out okay... probably be along any minute now! Sit quietly like good children now."

Snape rolled his eyes and groaned, not another Lockhart, please no! He'd rather been killed by Voldemort than have to go through another year of that.

He silently took in the other man's neatly styled blonde hair, his robes that were just this side of being navy blue; they trailed behind him slightly ending in a point. His head was bare.

He heard a ripple of noise from the classroom and stepped forward silently till he was directly behind Rider.

"I'm fairly good at potions y'know… I won a prize once!" he was smiling, even though Snape couldn't see his face, he could hear the smile in his voice. His sneer deepened, the man may be annoying but he couldn't see a reason for getting totally drunk... unless! Unless she was in love with the man and it wasn't returned.

The thought hit Snape hard, wiping the sneer right from his face. He stepped back and cleared his throat, recovering himself quickly.

Rider whirled around, a wide smile on his face, but his eyes didn't reflect the smile.

Snape didn't even bother to smile; he just sneered at him.

"How can I help you, Professor? Are you lost?" he drawled coldly.

"Lost? What? Oh yes," he beamed at Snape, his hand going to his hair as he smoothed it down.

Snape bit back a snarl and contented himself with striding past Rider into the room of talking students.

"I thought I told you lot to keep quiet! Ten points from all four houses, Now, You boy, Devlin on your feet." Snape turned back to the astonished looking Rider.

"Devlin take Professor Rider where he was going and get straight back here,Ten minutes, no more." He half smiled, half sneered at Rider and turning back to the class, told them all to get out their books.

"I thought...er... aren't you the Defence Against Dark Arts Professor?" Rider asked Snape from where he still stood in the doorway.

Snape looked across at him, clearly annoyed at being interrupted.

"Yes I am," he answered. "Now... You boy, what potion did you do last?" Snape pounced on a poor Hufflepuff who in a stammering voice told him it had been a colour-changing potion.

"Child's play," Snape spat coldly.

He knew Rider was still there, Devlin hovering uncertainly beside him.

"What is the problem?" he hissed, his temper being to grow.

"Where is Professor Kincaid?" Rider asked again, his voice calm and friendly, but Snape didn't miss the icy coldness in his eyes.

"Indisposed! Now if you please...I have a lot to do here!" Snape dismissed him with a wave of his hand and set the class to do a boil-removing potion. He knew half of them would fail it terribly, and the other half probably wouldn't even know where to start.

"Please sir, isn't that what the third years are doing?" asked a timid voice that grated on Snape.

He whirled on her and was disappointed to see it was a Slytherin that spoke. He'd already taken ten points from his own house, something that would be remedied as soon as Devlin got back, but he wouldn't take any more away, no matter how much her question irritated him.

"Indeed it is!" was all he said before turning towards Meg's potion cupboard.

This would give him a perfect opportunity to have a look at her idea of storage.

He nosed round her cupboard, a little bit annoyed to see it was perfectly laid out, in a logical order; that was until he saw the extra shelf at the back.

He stared at the packets and bottles.

"Flour... Spices...what is she doing here?" he muttered and shook his head. He supposed it stood to reason that a woman as obsessed with food as she seemed to be, would have ingredients to make some sort of food items; he remembered the posters of cake recipes on the walls in the classroom. He bit back a smile and setting his usual sneer on his face drew out the several ingredients he would need and went back into the classroom, just as Devlin came back in.

Snape motioned him to sit down.

"Ten points for getting back in less than ten minutes," he hissed quietly, aware of the outraged looks on the faces of the Gryffindor students. So what? He was the teacher here; he could do what he damn well pleased!

He crossed to Meg's cauldron and began.

He was interrupted more times than he cared to count by the endless mistakes from the first years. He'd expected that; but it was the Hufflepuff he'd spoken to first who surprised him. Quite by accident he'd made a cold remedy potion.

He stood over his cauldron, sneer in place.

"This isn't a boil removing potion, Slater," he spat, he stirred the thick dark liquid and glared at him.

"Er, no sir," he fidgeted with his robes, going bright red with shame and fear.

"However, this is a cold remedy potion; get a couple of vials, and fill them up with this. Madam Pomfrey will be surprised." He swept away to the next desk and then stopped to half turn.

"Five points to Hufflepuff, for sheer luck," he whispered it so quietly, he wasn't even sure he'd said it himself. But he had and it would register.

* * *

Meg heard someone come into her study and struggled to sit up, the pounding in her head not much better despite the sleep she'd had.

"Drink this!" A goblet was pressed into her hand.

She looked up to see Snape looming over her. She sniffed it and recognised a hangover potion. She gratefully drank it down, feeling the effects work pretty quickly.

"Thank you," she muttered, getting to her feet, glad to find the room no longer spun around.

"Humph!" Snape snorted at her and turned back to the door, he stopped and drew out the letter from his robes.

"This came for you this morning," he snapped and threw the letter onto her desk before going out and closing the door behind him.

Meg sighed and sagged slightly, only to stand straight again when the door opened almost immediately again.

"Oh, by the way, Rider has been sniffing around here. I thought you might like to know." Snape's head poked round the door and then disappeared again as quickly.

Meg groaned; her worst nightmares were coming true. It was the Dean Rider she'd known and he was here.

Meg sagged back into her chair, just as the door opened once again. Snape appeared right around this time.

"You won't get drunk again will you? I really can't teach two classes at once y'know," he sneered at her.

She stared up at him and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry about that, really I am. Things, well.. I don't usually get drunk and it won't happen again." She frowned; this was harder than she thought. "And thank you for taking my class. I hope they weren't too bad for you."

"Completely useless," he replied. "But I didn't expect anything else."

She bristled at that.

"They are only first years," she defended and was surprised to see a genuine smile appear on his face. But if she was surprised, Snape was shocked and it was quickly rearranged into a sneer.

"Of course they are! Heaven help us," he sneered and turned to go.

"Severus!" she stopped him and stood up.

He watched her warily.

"About yesterday... " she began, and burned a dark red in embarrassment.

Snape had the grace to blush slightly himself.

"I would prefer if you would forget what I said to you. I am sorry if it sounded cheap." He didn't break eye contact with her, although she could see it was costing him a great deal to say that to her.

"We won't mention it again." She nodded her head, shifting uncomfortably.

There was something else she needed to know.

"Did.. er did Rider say anything?" She was bright red and very uncomfortable.

Snape regarded her and was convinced then and there she was in love with Rider.

"He said he was lost, a bit confused at to why I was teaching your class." He saw the red creep out of her cheeks to leave them white. With a last sneer he backed out of the room; his bad temper back with a vengeance.

For some reason the thought that she was in love with Rider made him very irritable. Why he didn't know, and he wasn't about to think about it either!

* * *

"Right then, Neville, now add the sugar and go careful!"

Meg and Neville were sitting in the kitchens. Meg had asked the house- elves if she could use their equipment to help Neville.

She was convinced if she could get him to produce a well-risen Soufflé with out sinking in the middle; he could brew any potion he wanted. It was all a matter of confidence on his part.

That and the thought she couldn't bare to have to admit Snape had been right!

She watched the boy now as his hands shook.

"Nev, Nev, what is the worst that can happen here?" she sighed, crossing her legs and clutching her robes to her.

"It could sink in the middle," he said softly and then added, "Or I could burn it, or burn the entire kitchens down,or the school for that matter!"

"Nonsense!" she laughed. "It could sink or burn! But it won't! Why not?"

"erm... magic?"

"No, Neville!" she admonished him. "It won't sink because you'll do it right!" She guided him through the remaining procedures and then they sat waiting.

Dobby brought them both a cup of tea and biscuits.

"Thank you, Dobby!" Meg smiled at him. She was a regular visitor to their kitchens; sometimes she would come down in the middle of the night for something to eat. They liked her and would always feed her well.

Finally the soufflé came out and, as Neville predicted, it sank.

"There, see." Neville and Meg stared down at it in sorrow.

"Oh well," Meg sighed and then brightened. "Listen Nev, Rome wasn't built in a day! We'll try again tomorrow."

"But Miss! I've been potion brewing for five years now! Rome wouldn't even have a foundation at the rate I'm going!"

Meg smiled at him, she'd got to know him well over the last several days and she'd discovered he had a dry humour that matched her own.

"Come on, Nev, you can't give up after one failure. I think maybe it's my fault anyway." She poked the soufflé with her fork and sighed.

"How so?" asked Neville dejectedly.

"Expecting a soufflé when you say all you've ever cooked before is popcorn," she shrugged and regaining her wide smile, she looked up at him.

"Never mind, Nev, tomorrow night, same time, we'll try a simple cake recipe! Carrot cake!"

Neville smiled at her and picked up his bag.

"I do appreciate what you're trying to do here, Miss, really I do. But I'm not sure it'll work."

"It worked for me," she told him. "I had the lousiest potions master going, makes Professor Snape look like a fluffy bunny in comparison. He took my confidence in potions and ground it up in his mortar. He suffered a heart attack in my fourth year and was replaced with another teacher; Professor Jones, he was a sweet old man." She smiled softly as she remembered the small gray haired wizard.

"He tried to get me to improve, but it turned out my confidence just didn't want to know. So he figured if I could bake a successful cake, learn to lay a table correctly and cook and serve to a dinner party I could brew potions! His wife, Janus Jones, took me every night to the kitchens and taught me. With each success I realised I could do it. If I believed I could!"

Neville listened quietly tugging on the tie around his throat; he undid it and let it hang around his neck.

"I want to learn Miss," he said and scratched his face.

"And you will." She smiled at him. "Now, off you go, don't want Mr Filch catching you." She watched him leave the kitchens, her mind on the past and her lessons with Mrs Jones. She sighed and turned back to the soufflé.

"Oh well, doesn't make it taste any different," she muttered and stuck her fork into it and scooped out a bit.

Neville was miles away, his mind on creating a successful potion that would get him a good grade, and his grandmother was beaming proudly...

"What are you doing out of your common room?" came the slow drawl of his most hated Professor.

Neville gulped, he half wished it had been Filch he'd bumped into.

"I... I've.. been in the kitchens," he stumbled over his words.

"Eating again!" Snape mocked. "Really Longbottom, your broomstick has enough trouble getting you off the ground as it is, don't make matters worse!"

Neville coloured up and he felt the familiar tears prick his eyes.

"No, I was with Professor Kincaid," he muttered and clutched his bag to his chest.

"Professor Kincaid? I might have guessed," Snape sighed. "Get to your bed, Longbottom!"

Neville didn't need any further telling; he shot off at top speed.

Snape watched him and then turning headed of towards the kitchens.

Meg sucked on her fork, it may have sunk, but it still tasted good.

She heard a noise behind her and thought Neville had returned.

"Hey, Nev!" She said without turning. "It may have sunk, but it sure tastes good, get a fork and try some. I think maybe not enough air... " She faded out peering down at the soufflé, she stuck her fork in again and lifted more out.

"Don't you want some?" she asked and looked up at who she thought was Neville, to see Snape watching her, his face dark, his eyebrows raised high.

"Oh!" She dropped her fork in surprise, soufflé splattered onto the side.

She watched as he took a fork from Winky who had appeared at their sides with another cup of tea for Snape. He lifted some soufflé out and tried it; his eyebrows drawing together.

"Longbottom, made this?" he asked slowly.

"Yes, good, isn't it?" Her heartbeat had increased, she picked up her fork and using a cloth wiped away the mess she'd made.

He didn't reply, but his fork going back for more told her everything she needed to know.

"Shame he couldn't get it to stay risen," he mocked dryly.

"Oh Severus, not so hard on the boy, this is his first soufflé, not to mention first attempt at anything slightly culinary. My first soufflé exploded, covering half the kitchens in goo!" She grinned as she remembered Mrs Jones face. She'd been shocked. Meg had prepared herself for a good telling of, but Mrs Jones had burst into laughter, telling her it was the first exploding soufflé she'd ever met!

"That doesn't surprise me at all. I wasn't aware we were giving cookery lessons here now as well."

"Well, we aren't. Not strictly speaking." She watched as he polished of most of the soufflé while drinking his tea.

"So, dare I ask what is going on here?"

"Well…" Meg looked at him, could she tell him, he was still intent on the soufflé, his expression calm, no hint of mockery in his face at all.

She drew a deep breath and began to tell him about her own experience and how she'd learnt the art of potion mixing by learning to bake.

She waited when she'd finished, biting her lip, waiting for his laugh.

Snape set his empty cup down and rested the fork beside it.

"I can see how it might help," he mused. "And so you are going to turn Longbottom into a chef to teach him potions." He almost smiled at her, his eyes were definitely sparkling.

"Yes, that's the idea; although starting on a soufflé wasn't a good idea."

"And what will you be making tomorrow night?" he asked standing up slowly.

"Carrot cake." She hid a grin, wondering if she'd see him again tomorrow night; it seemed as if she wasn't the only one who had a liking for food; despite how he mocked her about it.

"Goodnight, Professor Kincaid," he muttered and swept out of the kitchens, leaving Meg chuckling quietly.

* * *

Over the next several weeks a routine established itself. Meg spent her days teaching and avoiding Rider, and her evenings teaching Neville to bake. He became good very quickly and he enjoyed it. Neville would leave and Meg could guarantee ten minutes after he left Snape would come wandering in, declaring he'd come to see what mess Neville had created this time.

Snape never remarked on how good Neville's baking was, but the empty plates told Meg all she needed to know.

Sometimes the entire time Snape spent in the kitchens would pass without a single word being said by either of them. Sometimes he'd ask her about her time in the muggle school, sometimes they would disagree heatedly on the art of teaching; especially if she thought he'd been unfair to someone, or she'd taken points from his beloved Slytherin house.

He never spoke about himself and she never asked. She knew enough about Snape to know if he wanted her to know about him he'd tell her.

Meg found herself growing increasingly attached to Snape. She looked forward to the time they would spend together. Even when neither of them spoke, time passed comfortably.

Snape was having similar feelings. He too enjoyed their time together, although he'd rather pass through fire than admit that to anyone. Most of the time he convinced himself it was only the cakes and things he was going for, but soon it became her company that drew him down there.

The weeks passed and Meg was lulled into a sense of security. Dean had made no effort to talk to her. He acted perfectly normally and Meg began to wonder if he'd forgotten.

But how can you forget something like that? She hadn't and never would.

It was the day before Halloween that Rider finally spoke to her.

She was sitting outside, watching Quidditch practise between some Ravenclaw and Gryffindor players. She was in the stands; her scarf wrapped around her neck several times, her winter wool robes clutched in her gloved hands.

"Megan Kincaid," came a soft voice that made her turn sharply.

Dean came up the steps and sat beside her.

"Dean," she said his name calmly.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to speak to you," he said it softly, his eyes watching the Quidditch players.

Meg bit her lip and absently noticed Hermione and Ron holding hands, they were there to watch Harry.

"What do you want, Dean?" she asked softly, fear clutching at her heart.

"Want? Why do you think I want anything?" he laughed softly.

"I remember the last thing you ever said to me," she replied, her heart had began to speed up in fear.

"So do I." He drew his wand out of his sleeve and Meg shot off the seat and stood facing him, her own wand in her hand.

"Calm down, Meg," he said it quietly, without even looking at her he flicked his wand and a small fireball appeared he held out his hands to warm them.

Meg could feel herself shaking. She lowered her hand but didn't put her wand away.

"I'm feeling cold, reckon we'll have early snow this year?" he asked her, looking up at the white sky.

"Dean!" His name came out on a hiss. "What are you going to do?" Her voice was low, filled with fear.

"I'm going to tell you that nine years is a long time!"

Meg sank down onto the seat. The memories she'd tried to suppress washed over her.

"Yes... it is."

"Some people told us that time would heal the pain, y'know help it fade." He flicked his wand and the fire disappeared.

"Dean... you know, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know." He studied the end of her wand. "But it doesn't make any difference. The people who said time heals, they were lying. It never gets any easier." He turned to her then and the ice in his eyes froze her heart.

"I.. don't know what to say," she muttered.

"Don't say anything! It's not why I'm here! I'm not here to listen to your apologies. After all, apologies won't make things right again, will it?"

"No!" She shook her head, guilt heavy on her heart.

"The one thing that has always goaded me; any idea what that is?" he asked quietly, his eyes on her hair that curled out the sides of the hood that covered her head.

She shook her head; speech had failed her now.

"How you got of scott free. Free to live your own life the way you want to." He narrowed his eyes and hissed. "Saved again, Miss Kincaid! You're shadow has arrived." He stood up and quickly left the stands.

Meg stared after him wondering what he was on about. A sound behind her made her whip round.

She saw Snape coming slowly up the stands to join her on the seats.

"Severus," she said his name softly, relief flooded through her.

"Professor!" He nodded curtly and sat down pulling his robes around him. "I'm sorry if I frightened away your friend." He spoke mockingly and Meg knew he didn't mean a word if it.

"Hum...What brings you out here?" she asked in a vain attempt at gathering her senses again.

"I'm suppose to be refereeing this lot tomorrow," he said darkly.

Meg nodded not really taking in his words; her mind was still firmly on Dean.

"I didn't realise you liked Quidditch," he said, his eyes not leaving the students zooming around on their broomsticks.

"Well I can watch it," she said, dragging her mind to the conversation. "Can't play it to save my life. To be honest with you, flying on a broomstick terrifies me, but to zoom about like that!" She pointed out at Harry who was doing a vertical dive, practising for catching the snitch. "Pointless, if you wish to die a horrible death...just..." Meg stopped as an unbidden memory came into her mind; she bit her lip hard, drawing blood.

Damn Dean, she had got herself under control, it had taken years of meditating and displaying an exterior that didn't really exist, but now; all her defences were down.

"Excuse me." She jumped to her feet and hurried down the steps.

Snape startled at her sudden departure stared after her.

"What's biting her now?" he muttered before turning back to watch Harry.

He had to admire the boy, he'd never tell him so, but even Snape knew an excellent Quidditch player when he saw one.

Disgruntled he huddled into his robes against the biting cold and stared up at the sky. There was definitely snow on the way. It was going to be a long hard winter.

Halloween fell on a Saturday that year, so the feast in the hall went on for much longer.

Meg hadn't dressed for the occasion at all. She stayed in her usual robes and hat.

She might have felt a little under-dressed as most of the teachers had taken the opportunity to dress in less formal attire. But two of the teaching staff were dressed exactly the same as usual, so Meg didn't feel too bad till it dawned on her, that it was Hagrid and Snape.

She sipped at her pumpkin juice and unable to stop; she pulled a disgusted face.

She discreetly spat her mouthful back into her goblet watched by Snape.

"Don't like it?" he asked her. He turned and let his eyes wander over the students; some of them were dressed as ghosts; some of them stayed in uniform and some of them he couldn't really tell what they were supposed to be, except a right mess.

"No!" She pushed the goblet away. She reached for the jug of water and taking her water glass filled it up.

"No late night cookery lessons this weekend I suppose," he said quietly, his eyes on the top end of the table. If Meg didn't know better, she wouldn't have realised he was talking to her.

She smiled softly, amused at how he put it.

"Not for Neville no, although there is a new recipe I found last week for fudge, if you're interested."

He turned to look at her; his dark eyes giving nothing away.

"Fudge? I haven't had fudge since I was a child," he intoned silkily and pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen across his cheek.

Meg's eyes went to his hair. The urge to reach out and gently touch it was strong.

Alarmed at her own desires she blinked. She hadn't felt any of the stirrings he'd previously unearthed in her since… since Dean had made an appearance.

Her eyes flicked to Dean, who was watching her. He raised his goblet to her with a smirk. It was as if he could read her mind.

Startled and unsettled she sat back to avoid his gaze and knocked over her glass of water.

"Damn!" She caught the glass before it could fall on the floor, but not before the water cascaded over both her and Snape's lap.

"I'm so sorry!" Meg got extremely flustered as she tried to dab at her lap with the napkin.

"Please calm down, Professor Kincaid. It is only water; it'll dry and not stain!" Snapes' calm voice seemed to soothe her tattered nerves slightly.

He soaked up the excess water on his lap and with a flick of his wand had them both dry again in seconds.

He turned and his eyes locked with Deans'; who was smirking at her clumsiness.

"Tell me, Professor Kincaid. What is it about Professor Rider that reduces you to a gibbering wreck?" his words were low, calm and clear.

"W..What?" she stammered, her hands fluttering over her now dry robes.

"You heard me." Snape turned and pinned her with his black unfeeling eyes.

"N..Nothing! I'm just clumsy." She tried to laugh but unfortunately it came out more like a squeal.

"In my experience of you, Professor Kincaid; you are many things. Clumsy isn't one of them though."

She wilted under his stare, her self-defence struggling to come to her aid.

"I.. please excuse me." She stood up and left the hall with minimum fuss.

* * *

Meg was resolved.

She was perfectly sure Snape wouldn't come within fifty meters of the kitchens tonight. So while she was waiting for her fudge to set she sat with her chin in her hands and gave herself a good mental talking to.

She had no idea what Dean was doing here. Divination wasn't even his strong point, but then it had never been Professor Trelawnys' either!

She wasn't fifteen anymore. She wasn't a girl. She was a confident woman. She had made a huge error in her past, one she would pay for every day that she lived. But she wouldn't, couldn't, allow him to undermine her sanity. She'd come too close to that nine years ago!

She idly poked at her fudge with a knife.

"Poking it won't make it set any faster," came Snape's cold voice from behind her.

Meg sat up and looked around at him.

"Didn't think you'd come," she said honestly, watching as he sat down beside her.

"Why would that be? You're relationship with Professor Rider has nothing to do with my liking of fudge." He was as always, completely confident and calm.

Meg frowned at him, for some reason it was important to her that he knew there was no relationship between her and Dean.

"There is nothing between Dean and myself," she muttered it quietly but he heard.

"So, care to tell me how Longbottom is fairing in Potions?" he asked the question smugly, already knowing the answer.

"He's better," she immediately defended

"Really? So how come he managed to melt yet another cauldron today?" He smirked at her.

She attacked the fudge with a knife and cut it into chunks.

"I suppose your spy Malfoy gave you that little information," she hissed angrily. She was annoyed he'd found out. She'd been hoping he'd never find out! She was naive if she truly thought Malfoy would keep that information to himself.

She shoved several chunks towards him, praying they'd stick his teeth together indefinitely. He took one and began to chew it smugly. Unfortunately praying didn't work.

"Malfoy is not my spy Professor Kincaid," he smirked. "Besides half the class were sniggering about it as they came into my class!"

"Yeah, the half being the Slytherin half I suppose!"

"Dear ,dear," he tutted. "You really do dislike Slytherin, don't you?"

"Not at all, just 98 of it." She looked up at him. "Neville melting his cauldron was...unfortunate." She struggled to find the right word.

"Really? It's always struck me that everything Longbottom does is unfortunate."

She clicked her tongue. She was getting annoyed with him.

"Severus, what exactly do you have against students like Longbottom?" she bit the words out impatiently.

"They waste my time," he said simply glaring at her. "Longbottom will never be any good at potions. It just isn't in him to start with. His father was exactly the same, his strength was in duelling, the same way Neville Longbottom' is in Herbology. I firmly believe that with students who are so clearly inept as Longbottom is, they should be removed from the classes they have no hope to succeed in and given extra tuition in the areas they do excel at."

Meg regarded him silently; thinking over what he'd said.

"But surely... there is always a chance. I mean I thought I was useless at potions till Professor Jones stepped in."

"With some students there is a chance. Just not Longbottom."

"Are you sure you're not judging the boy by his father?" she asked him carefully, and saw the flush of temper flare on his face.

"Of course I'm not!" He bit out. He folded his arms on the table and leaning forward slightly cocked his head to one side and raised one eyebrow.

"Are you sure you're not trying to recreate yourself in Longbottom?" His words were even, slow and deep.

Her eyebrows shot up; her hand going to her mouth with fudge stopped in mid air.

"Myself in ... Neville?" she frowned at him, startled by his question.

"There is such a thing as flogging a dead horse," he whispered and reaching out took the piece of fudge and popped it into her open mouth.

Meg blinked at him, unable to speak around the fudge. She chewed it quickly and swallowed, looking down at the table blankly, his words sinking in.

Neville's cooking had definitely improved, his potion making, however, had not.

"It's a very noble thing what you've been trying to do here, most teachers, including myself, wouldn't bother. Carry on teaching him cookery, who knows, in ten years he could be a master chef. But he'll never be any good at potion brewing. The sooner you accept that, the sooner Neville will accept it himself."

Snapes' words were so softly spoken that they flowed over Meg who was staring stricken down at her fudge.

"But I really want him to do well," she said quietly.

"He will, I believe, and this pains me to say, that in Herbology, he is far advanced his age, just don't expect him to do well in potions. You won't have failed if he does."

Meg looked up startled at the man in front of her. This was a side of Snape she'd never seen before. He was almost gentle, as gentle as he could get anyway. His eyes were still like black, bottomless pools, but they held a touch of concern too, and something else. Something she couldn't fathom.

"You're right," she whispered. "Arrogant, annoyingly arrogant; but right," she sighed deeply. "I've been a fool!"

"No, of course you haven't!" He said a touch of impatience back in his voice. "You weren't to know, this is a whole new year to you. A whole new school, a new way of teaching."

"You told me." She reminded him. "And I have to admit that a, not so small, part of me wanted Neville to do well just to prove you wrong. I still disagree firmly with the way you treat your students, but…" She shrugged.

"I think, Professor Kincaid, we will always disagree about my teaching methods," he said it dryly.

A noise behind them, that most definitely wasn't a house-elf, made Meg and Snape whirl round. Professor Dean Rider stood leaning against the open doorway; a smirk on his handsome face.

"Ah! How sweet. The former potions master and the new potions master." He grinned cockily at both of them and came in.

Meg stiffened and unconsciously moved slightly closer to Snape; a movement that wasn't lost on either man.

"Ah, Meg! Still making your delightful toffee?" he asked reaching out for a piece.

It took all of Meg's self-control not to stab the knife into his hand.

"It's fudge," Snape drawled coldly. "Not toffee."

"Eh?" Dean looked at Snape and raised an eyebrow. "All the same to me! Did you know it was snowing outside?" he asked casually. "The lake is frozen over as well."

He looked directly at Meg and winked before heading back to the door.

"Oh, well! See you folks later. Don't make yourselves sick." He strode out of the kitchen, whistling a happy tune.

Meg slowly sank forward till her forehead was resting on the table.

"Professor Kincaid?" Snape voice in her ear brought her sitting upright quickly, momentarily she had forgotten he was there.

Megs' hands were shaking badly as she set the knife on the table and took several deep breaths.

"Oh well... said it would snow," she laughed, but it was high and false.

"What's going on?" Snape asked with no preamble. His tone dark and cold, the same kind of tone he used on his students.

"Nothing!"

"Don't lie to me," he hissed and caught her shoulder to turn her slightly to face him.

She could feel his breath on her face; his mouth set in a firm line, his eyebrows drawn together.

"I can't tell you," she whispered. "I can't tell anyone!"

"Don't be so melodramatic," he hissed. "If you're in any kind of trouble..."

"Severus, please, just leave it!"

"No!" He took her other shoulder now. "No, I won't just leave it! That man breezes in here and you freeze up like its subzero. You get drunk over the man and are unable to fulfil your obligations. What's going on?" his voice dropped lower and lower with each word, till it was a menacing whisper.

"I told you I wouldn't do that again," she cried, angry with him now, angry for making her face up to things she'd rather ignore.

"Professor Kincaid! Is that man threatening you?"

"No, no, he's not." She shook her head. His grip on her shoulders hurting her. She put her hands on his chest to try to push him away.

"He said he knew you before. From where?" he hissed again; his grip tightening on her.

"We went to school together. Severus, you're hurting me," she cried and tried to shove him away. He pulled her against him till her face was buried in his chest.

"If he hurts you, or so much as lays a hand on you," Severus growled.

"Severus, I can't breathe," she muffled against his chest, her mouth and nose stuffed against the black waistcoat he wore under his robes.

He pulled her back slightly looking down at her. His eyes glistened with anger.

Meg felt the familiar rush of feelings for him and with a soft moan she was back in his arms, her mouth crushed to his. He held her tightly, his arms slipping around her to cradle her gently as he kissed her thoroughly. Her hands wound themselves into his hair; it was slightly greasy, like it was oiled. But Meg wasn't thinking of his hair. She wasn't thinking of anything except this was what she wanted. Him. She wanted him.

A soft clearing of a throat brought them apart reluctantly.

Meg gasped as she saw Dumbledore standing in front of the table, his eyes on the fudge.

"Would you mind if I try a piece of this delicious looking fudge?" he asked. He raised his head to look at both of them, a twinkle in his eyes that made Meg flame with embarrassment.

"Er, yes, please do," she stuttered and looked at Snape sideways. He was looking as horrified as she felt.

"Headmaster, Sir... what you…"

Dumbledore cut Snape off with a wave of his hand.

"I didn't see anything, Severus," he chuckled. "And even if I did, it's not my business." He winked at Meg and taking some fudge went out humming quietly to himself.

Meg sagged once more and leant her head on her arms. She looked up sideways at Snape, who appeared to be truly shell-shocked. His hair was ruffled more than usual, and his cheeks were flushed slightly.

"Just be relieved it wasn't Minerva," she said quietly. "Or we'd be carrying her out on stretcher by now."

Snape looked down at Meg. His face was once again controlled, even his sneer was back in place.

"You haven't got out of it that easily," he remarked.

"What?" she asked and sat up again frowning at him

"What did Rider do to you that has you having an apoplexy every time he appears?"

"You know something, Severus? You're like a dog at a bone! You won't be content till you hear every last gruesome detail, will you?" she demanded angrily.

"No, I won't," he spat. "It's what made me such a good Death Eater," he hissed at her.

"I know what you were, Severus," she said it softly; he'd worn her down with that one sentence. In telling her what he'd been, he was telling her that it was okay to let him know what was so bad in her past.

"So what did he do then?"

"It wasn't what he did." She replied sadly and got up. "It was what I did."

"Which was?" he asked quietly.

"I murdered his sister."


	5. Confession

A/N: I think I'd better clear some things up that aren't quite apparent in my story. I'm not sure if anyone is reading this out there, but I need to explain this for my own benefit as well!

This is set in Harry's seventh and final year.

I have supposed that Snape is about thirty-seven,

Meg is twenty-eight and with Harry being 12 when he entered Hogwarts, that made Snape 25, when he began teaching. So Snape started teaching the year Meg left, so they would not have come into contact before now.

* * *

"So, now you know, Severus," she whispered it, too scared to look at his face.

He made no sound whatsoever; there was only the noise of house-elves working in the background.

She drew in a deep breath and made her mind up instantaneously.

"I'm sorry, Severus, truly sorry." She backed away and then turning on her heel she left the kitchens.

She was only a little way down the corridor when Dean stepped out in front of her. She stopped, her heart bet increasing, but a sudden resolve in her mind.

"Meg." He nodded his head slightly, his eyes narrowed.

"Dean, why are you here?" she asked quietly, her heart beating madly in her chest. Fears and emotions she had kept locked away for years were so close to the surface she felt as if she were drowning.

"I see nothing has changed," he said quietly, a small smirk playing around his lips.

"Still believe the whole world revolves around you!" He shook his head and motioned her to walk with him. She was uncertain at first, but he turned to walk away and Meg didn't want to leave things unresolved any longer so she fell into step with him.

"Why would you imagine I was here for any reason apart from Dumbledore requesting a replacement for your Divination professor?" His words were measured carefully, a hint of mockery colouring them.

"Come of it, Dean, the chances are remote, you don't even teach Divination. Dark Arts, maybe, but not Divination."

"Possibly, but the position has been filled by the very capable Severus Snape hasn't it? I see your getting friendly with him. You do know he was a Death Eater." He didn't look at her at all, he had his hands clasped behind his back as he walked, his head high, his eyes on the passageways ahead.

"Yes, I know, but that has nothing to do with our conversation," she replied frostily, she didn't want to drag Severus into this if she could help it. She had her hands buried deep in her robes, her right hand clutching her wand very tightly.

"I know." He nodded. "It just struck me as funny! You, getting all buddy buddy with Snape, former Death Eater, with still dubious intentions. That's probably the closest you'll ever get to meeting yourself!"

"What?" Meg couldn't believe what he'd said.

"Well, come on lets face it... your both murderers." He stopped short to look out of the window over the lake.

"Leave, Severus out of this," she hissed beside him, staring unseeingly over the lake.

"Don't expect to get a 'happy ever after ' with Snape. He isn't the type to settle down... and I doubt he'd settle for someone who had the same scruples as himself!"

"Dean, stop playing games and tell me what you're here to do!"

"I already told you, teach Divination; to think anything else is extremely arrogant and self-centred! But like I said earlier nothing's changed in you." He sighed and brought his hands forward to rest on the ledge. "Nine years ago I told you I'd come after you and kill you!"

"I remember," she whispered, her head began to hurt. She was tired, weary and her heart ached.

"Keep it in mind," he whispered softly.

"So, you are going to hurt me." Her voice was weary too.

"Nope!" He laughed and stepped away from the wall. "You're going to do that all by yourself!" He smiled at her, but it wasn't a kind smile. It was the kind of smile that would freeze hell over.

"Megan Kincaid, I want to see you go to hell this year. I want to see you suffer what we've suffered for the past nine years!"

Anger flooded through Meg completely unbidden.

"You think I haven't suffered? If I could go back and change things I would!" She hissed furious with him now. "But I can't! For nine years I've lived with the knowledge that I killed someone, and not just anyone, my best friend. For nine years, every time I look in the mirror I remember. I'd give anything for that time again!"

"My heart bleeds for you!" he spat at her. "You've had to suffer? You make me laugh! You say if you went back you'd change things, but you wouldn't. Essentially you're the same person now you were then; over bearing, opinionated and self-righteous. No one is ever right according to you. Your ways, your rules, that's all you've ever cared about and all you ever will care about!"

"No!" She shook her head, his accusations ringing in her ears.

"Yes!" he hissed. "You're doing it still... that boy, Longbottom, he'll never ever get potions right, it's not in him! But you? Oh no! You say he will do it, so you'll make damn sure he does, even if you have to beat him senseless to do it. You can't begin to accept that maybe you're not the be all and end all, that maybe, just once in awhile you're wrong! Very wrong!" He drew a breath, his voice raising. "You insist that things are done your way, according to you, Snape is a lousy teacher! Did you never stop to consider that every year for goodness knows how long, 98 of his class get through their finals? Not one Professor here can attain to that. You sure as hell won't! But you..." He stepped back and drew out his wand.

Meg froze; every nerve in her body stretched to screaming point.

"You waltz in here with your fancy ways and your fancy airs, while it should be you rotting in the ground and not Sarah!" His voice faded away and his wand lowered, his face distraught.

"I had no idea you taught here," he whispered. "When I first heard your name at breakfast and you weren't there, I was sure I had it wrong. Life couldn't be that cruel; but it was you, laughing, smiling, looking happy, and getting friendly with our resident greasy haired git. You don't deserve any of this, none of it. You shouldn't be allowed to smile when Sarah will never smile again, you shouldn't be allowed to laugh when she can't! I could kill you for that alone. She had everything to look forward to. She was young, beautiful, clever…. She was the most amazing person alive and you killed her!" He was spitting pure venom at her and she knew she deserved it. Knew she had no defence.

He shook his head. "Nine years," he whispered. "And it still feels like yesterday!"

Meg hadn't realised she was crying till she felt tears running down her chin soaking the front of her robes.

"Dean, I'm sorry," her voice cracked, sounding hoarse.

"So am I," he whispered and turning, walked away, his wand hanging limply by his side, his shoulders hunched. He looked like a ninety-year-old man, instead of a twenty four-year-old.

Meg watched him till he disappeared round a corner; then very slowly she sunk to the ground silent sobs racking her body.

He'd attacked her with everything he had and every last word had hit home hard. He was only repeating what she'd thought many times over; but to hear it now, after so many years of being able to cope.

She couldn't do it, she couldn't get up every day knowing he was there, knowing that every time he saw her, he'd be reminded of what she'd taken from his family. She got to her feet and wearily made her way to her rooms. In everything that had passed she completely forgot that Snape now knew what she'd done.

* * *

Meg appeared at breakfast the following morning, looking like hell. She'd slept fitfully; her sleep punctuated with nightmares of that day nine years ago.

Professor Flitwick watched her silently as she picked at her food.

Snape sat on her other side, surveying the students, his cold eyes narrowed, his brows drawn together.

"Not hungry, my dear?" Professor Flitwick finally asked.

"What?" she stared at him and then smiled hastily. "No… no... don't seem to want much today, must be the snow!"

"Oh probably." He smiled at her and went into a long discussion on how one of his great aunts was able to taste the air to see if snow was on the way; and then another one who would be sick for three days before snow fell and then three days after.

Meg listened with half an ear; her chin resting on one hand as her other hand chased a sausage around her plate; grateful for the small professor who chattered on pleasantly.

He finally came to a halt when mail arrived and a book was dropped onto his plate. He gave a cry of delight and picking it up, excused himself and left the table.

"Thanks goodness for that. I was beginning to wonder how many aunts he has," came Snape's dry voice from beside her.

"He's nice," she said quietly.

"Diminutive I think is the word you're looking for," he drawled sarcastically.

"Vertically challenged," she corrected with a ghost of a smile.

"Thank goodness, a smile. I was beginning to wonder if you'd done a Professor Binns on us," he snorted and stood up. "Care to follow me to the dungeons? I don't have a class till after lunch and yours is not for another hour yet!"

"Got a copy of my schedule, have you?" she asked slightly waspishly, aware that he was asking her, merely telling her to follow him.

"Imprinted on my memory; seeing as it's the same one I was teaching for eleven years."

"Point." She shrugged and stood up, she followed him out of the hall and down to the dungeons; knowing the inevitable was about to happen.

She waited till they were sat in her study.

"I suppose you want explanations and everything," she said tiredly.

"No. I was going to suggest a sleeping potion if you're having trouble sleeping," he drawled, studying her.

"Yeah, right, and next year I'm going to be Quidditch captain and win the cup!"

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit..."

"And you, Severus, taught me all I know on that subject," she cut him off and sank back in her chair, her eyes staring unseeingly at the fireplace.

"I'm allowed to be sarcastic, it suits me," he replied his voice a low rumble that seemed to smooth over her skin.

"Yes, it does." She looked over at him, his face was set, his mouth a firm line, his eyebrows drawn together.

"So, fire away, what do you want to know? How a murderer walks about in daylight and in a school of unprotected children?" Her tone was bitter and twisted.

"I wish you'd stop with the melodrama. Are you running for Drama Queen of the Year by any chance?"

Her eyes snapped to his but his sneer was still firmly in place.

"Am I really a self centred, spoilt brat?" she asked him huskily; knowing that from him and only him would come the truth.

"Sometimes," he answered and she shrugged, already knowing the answer.

"I was so certain about Neville..." she faded of.

"That wasn't one of your self-centred moments," he said curtly. "We've already discussed that one."

"I don't know what to do," she finally whispered and sitting up slightly drew her booted feet under her.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on." Snape sat back in the chair and crossed his legs. He rested his elbows on the chair arms and steepled his fingers under his chin.

"Dean Rider is in pain; more pain than ever I realised. Every time he sees me he's going to be reminded about Sarah. I can't be responsible for any more pain!" She didn't even stop to think that he had no idea what she was talking about. She shook her head and looked directly at him. "I shouldn't stay here, surely you can understand that!"

"When you arrived here, I was furious, you messed up my classroom, you came in with weird ideas about teaching; but you had fire, conviction and, according to Dumbledore, a good previous teaching record." He arched an eyebrow at her. "That last point I hold in judgement over how your classes perform in the end of year finals." He shook his head at her snort. "Sometimes I want to put you over my knee and spank some sense into you; sometimes you make me want to laugh; sometimes you make me want to spit in anger. But, and again held in judgement, I have come to I respect the way you've brought out good in some of these idiots. Children I gave up on years ago; have discovered a mediocre amount of intelligence. I am not referring to Longbottom mind; I refuse to attribute anything to that boy except idiocy." He sat forward on his chair, his hair swinging forward slightly, his hands moving to grip the arms of his chair, his legs uncrossing. "If you left now, half way through a term, the children would suffer. Albus would have to replace you; not impossible by any means; but a nuisance this far into term. It might be hard on you and Rider; it might even be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But you must to do it, obligation and duty call for it."

"But what about Dean... "

"Rider is a grown man, he can handle himself." Snape's eye flashed.

"Sometimes... "

"Go on," he commanded when she ground to halt.

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just gave up, crawled into a hole and died somewhere."

"That's because it would be easier. It's also the coward's way out, and of the many, and varied things about I find annoying about you, I don't think cowardice is one of them."

"You're an amazing man do you know that?" She stared at him shaking her head slightly.

"Amazing now is it? Yesterday it was arrogant," he said dryly.

"You don't even know what happened," she said, ignoring his last comment.

"Well, inform me then; we have more than enough time."

Meg drew a breath; she'd refused to think about it for the past nine years. How was she supposed to talk about it now; vocalise something she'd tried to bury. To give it words would make it real again.

"How old were you?" Snape's silky voice came softly, encouraging her to talk.

"We were seventeen; it was the winter after we graduated from here. We had a couple of months to get through and then in the January we were going back to learning. Sarah wanted to be a mediwizard, I wanted to teach. She was beautiful, long dark hair, green eyes, a really lovely person inside and out. We were like chalk and cheese…" her voice faded out and then grew stronger again.

"I was the more headstrong, arrogant of us and I knew it all," her words were bitter and derisive. But now she'd begun to talk it was like a damn opening, she couldn't stop till it all came out.

"She was the complete opposite of me, quiet, sweet, easy going. We used to go everywhere together, and she would never say no; not even if she didn't want to do it. Of course that was usually because I wouldn't let her say no. I see myself in Malfoy sometimes." She turned to him then, looking for signs of judgement; but his face was impassive, only his eyes showed his attention was intent.

"I was arrogant like he is; strong willed, a leader. Except the big difference between us is Sarah. Crabbe and Goyle are no better than Malfoy. While Sarah was always miles better than I was. Sometimes I was a little jealous of her. She was cleverer, prettier; she didn't have to work hard to get good grades. While I, if I wanted to get anywhere past a C, had to work really hard. But even so, we were friends, right from our time here and right through till we left." She faded out again; her eyes had glazed slightly, seeing the past rather than her study.

"I... we were staying with an aunt of mine in the West Country. She has this huge old place that had a boating pond. It was a hard winter, a bit like this one, early snow that hung around. I was adventurous, she wanted to sit indoors and read. I should have left her there. She was happy! Once again I insisted we got out, I wanted to skate on the pond. I'd done it several years before, the pond wasn't that deep, so when it froze, it really froze. Sarah came out with me and wanted to sit on the edge and watch, but once again I got her to join me. It happened before I could blink, the ice cracked and she disappeared beneath it. I tried to get her, tried so damned hard; she was smaller than me, hardly anything of her. She died of shock and hypothermia!" Meg stopped; pain evident in every line on her face. "I told them what happened and they called it an accident." Her voice broke on a sob but she kept going, determined not to break down completely.

"But it wasn't, not really, if I'd left her alone; if I'd let her just watch." She drew in a ragged breath and closed her eyes, refusing to let the tears fall.

"If only," he broke the silence with his deep voice. "They are the two saddest words in our language."

She looked at him and was surprised to see he was still sitting impassively, he'd leant back again, his fingers steepled in front of his face again.

"Tell me," he sat forward again. "Did you hold her head under?"

"No!" His question shocked her.

"Did you crack the ice for her to fall through?"

"No! Severus..."

"Shut up and listen," he commanded. "No theatrics! Just listen to me!"

She nodded wordlessly, staring at him.

"I'm confused as to how you think you murdered her. I can understand Dean thinking that, people in grief always need a channel for their pain, the obvious choice would be you. But you, you're a relatively intelligent young woman, given to fits of melodrama maybe, but still relatively speaking, you're not that silly. How can you possible think you murdered her?" he waited, one perfectly black eyebrow rose.

"I made her go on the ice," she whispered.

"Ah!" He nodded. "So, were you holding a wand to her head? Twisting her arm behind her back?"

Meg pulled a face and frowned at him.

"No!"

"Well then."

"There is more than one way to make people do things, Severus, you can mentally twist someone's arm! You of all people should know that!"

"I do know that," he agreed. "I know that very well. In fact, not only do I know it, but I'm rather accomplished at it. You say you're like Malfoy, but you missed one major difference."

"What?"

"He doesn't care, you do. Did you charm her?" he asked again softly.

"No!"

"Then at any time she could have said no, turned and walked away; even stayed in the house."

"She wasn't like that though, she was.."

"Stop." He raised his hand. "Don't canonise the girl! Rider is already doing a good job on that one. She could have said no. The only way you would be responsible for her death is if you charmed her to go on the ice, cracked the ice with your wand and then physically or magically held her under."

"But..."

"There are no buts!" He shook his head and once more his hair flew about his face.

"The only thing you were guilty of is ignorance and perhaps arrogance." He stopped "Most children of that age are guilty of the same thing. The belief that there is nothing they do not know or can do. I see it everyday here." He waved one long, slender hand dismissively and changed the subject. "Is the only reason you don't wish to be here because of Rider?"

She nodded, swept away with his logic, she knew deep inside her, perhaps had always known, that he was right; but nine years of self loathing and convincing yourself of guilt doesn't disappear with one lecture.

"I have to tell you this; now don't get all emotional and out of hand! I caught up with you both last night and overheard some, well, the last part of your conversation; I think Rider is out of step on finding you here; but he's a grown man and will have to get use to it. You must not let it interfere with your teaching." He sat on the edge and reached across to touch her chin gently before standing up and walking briskly to the door.

"You have class in ten minutes, compose yourself, go in there and teach. And don't stop annoying me; I seem to have grown accustomed to it." He opened her door and swept out, leaving Meg out of breath and washed out emotionally.

Meg wasn't sure how she got through the rest of the day. But time has a way of passing no matter how much pain you're in. So it was with a bad headache that Meg left her last class of the day and headed into her study.

She locked the door, and sat on the rug in front of her fire; she huddled into a ball staring at the flames in the hearth. She really didn't know how to get over this. She felt as if she were in a dark room with no way out.

Snape had made it quite clear to her that her obligation to the school demanded she carry on as if nothing was wrong. But her whole world was coming apart at the seams. If only he could leave again. Go back to Cornwall. Out of sight...

But Meg knew that wasn't strictly true anymore. She'd never allowed herself to think of that day. She'd caught the flu from the being in the icy water, so she'd missed the funeral, so she'd never had any kind of closure.

She'd recovered and gone straight into her Professorship. Buried herself in work and had refused to think of that day ever since... until now. But now it seemed to occupy almost every thought she had.

She got up from the floor, sitting and brooding wasn't going to help. Dean had said he'd take her through hell this year. This was one way. She had to get back on track; had to stop thinking of it. She crossed to her desk and sat down, she began to pick up her first years students work scrolls and began to flip through them. She forced herself to concentrate and was soon immersed in their work. So much so that even the occasional smile crossed her face at some of their more inventive ideas of potion brewing.

* * *

She was at the table, her fingers tapping beside her empty plate as she waited for the food to appear.

"Professor Kincaid." Snape sat beside her. "Professor Flitwick, Professor McGonagall." He nodded curtly to the Professors closet to him.

"You missed the staff room meeting," he said coldly to Meg, disapproval evident in his voice.

"Yes." She clasped her hands in her lap. "I fell asleep in my study," she admitted and went bright red.

"Not to worry," Professor Flitwick said cheerfully. "We've got an outing, apart from that not much." He smiled at her.

"An outing?" she asked in surprise. "Hogsmede?" The hope in her voice was evident.

Snape snorted and shook his head.

"No, so don't get any hopes up of stuffing yourself silly with sweets," his tone was icy and Meg almost shivered.

"Really, Severus, Honeydukes isn't the only shop in Hogsmede," she said waspishly.

"Really? You could have fooled me. It's the only shop you went into last visit."

"That's not strictly true," she said, annoyed. "I went into the Three Broomsticks!"

"Ah, yes, for lunch," he said smugly.

Meg opened her mouth to defend herself just as breakfast appeared on their plates.

"Saved from starvation, Professor Kincaid," Snape said smoothly and began to eat his own.

"You know how annoying you are?" she said conversationally as she began to cut her bacon up.

Snape ignored her and continued to watch the eating students.

"I think on a scale of one to ten, definitely an eleven," she replied and winked at Professor Flitwick, who was used to their daily arguments now and even enjoyed them.

"That's not possible," Snape replied smoothly. "Perhaps a brush up in Arithmancy is required?"

"Humph!" she snorted. "You know what I mean!"

"Do I?" He lifted his cup of tea and smirked.

"Well, if you got your nose out of the clouds you might," she said sweetly.

He turned to look at her, scorn on his face.

"Pardon?"

"Your nose." She tipped her head back and looked down her nose condescendingly; a very good imitation of his scowl on her face.

"I do that much better." He arched an eyebrow at her.

"Of course you do, Severus, you invented it." She turned and smiled at him, feeling quite settled with the man beside her.

Snape regarded her quietly, his sneer faded slightly and a twinkle lit his eyes.

"I see you took me up on my advice of being annoying," he said it so softly, only Meg heard him.

"Well, I'm so good at it." Her smile slipped slightly.

"Oh, you are; probably the best I've ever met." His sneer returned full force and he went back to watching the students.

"Anyway, what is this outing, if it's not Hogsmede?" she asked.

"Listen and you'll find out," Snape said curtly, just as Professor McGonagall tapped her glass to get attention. The hall went quiet and Dumbledore stood up.

"As well as the annual visit to Hogsmede this year, we will be taking the last week of term to visit Diagon Alley in London." He was interrupted by a huge shout of excitement from the students.

"As usual, you will need your parent's consent; so I advise you all to send off your owls and quickly as possible." His eyes twinkled at the excited children. "We will be splitting the years up. First and Second years will be going on Monday. Third and Fourth on Tuesday and so on and so forth!"

He waited while more excited chatter erupted, till McGonagall frantically tapping her glass and almost shattering it in the process, managed to get their attentions again.

"More will be announced as the time draws nearer; I warn you though, any bad behaviour between now and the visit…" His eyes automatically went to the known troublemakers in each house. "And your right to go will be forfeited!"

He sat back down with a wide beaming smile and everyone once again began to chatter excitedly.

"I suppose I missed who will be supervising who as well," she said quietly.

"Yes." Professor Flitwick nodded. "I'm doing the Monday and Tuesday visits with Minerva, Dean and Severus!"

"Who has Fifth, Sixth and Seventh?"

"Professors Hooch and Sprout will do Wednesday with Hagrid!" he supplied.

"And the seventh years?" she asked wondering if she was doing it.

"You, Severus, Dean and myself," he beamed. "I'm only tagging along to go to the bookshop with not having to worry about supervising students..." Meg didn't hear anything else; she was still stuck on the reality that she'd have to spend an entire day with Dean.

She put her fork down, as her hand had begun to shake.

"How are we getting there?" she asked shakily.

"Flying to Hogsmede, and then using a portkey to get to Diagon Alley." Professor Flitwick was oblivious to her state.

"Flying... as in broomsticks?" she stammered in an effort to get in control.

"No, flying as in on the back of our owls," snapped Snape. "Of course it'll be by broomstick!"

"All right," she snapped back. "No need to get yourself all worked up; I was only asking," her tone was snappy and sharp.

"Asking a stupid question," he clarified. "As I've come to expect from you."

It was too much for her. She couldn't cope with him being nasty to her.

She placed her napkin on the table with as much composure as she could muster. To go storming out of the hall would only draw attention to herself.

"Please excuse me, I still have marking to do before afternoon classes." She got up and left the hall quietly.

She went straight down to her classroom and sat at her desk. Her hands were still shaking. She couldn't do this... just couldn't do it! She picked up her quill and pulled the last of her papers towards her.

She marked the papers, refusing to think beyond the comments written on the scrolls.

Half an hour later her seventh year students came strolling in and sat themselves down.

Meg stood up and looked around the class. Her face was white, dark rings around her eyes.

Malfoy was whispering to Crabbe. She turned her gaze on him sharply.

"Anything you'd care to share with the rest of us, Mr. Malfoy?"

"No!" He shook his head, that cocky half grin on his face.

"Anymore whispering and you can leave," she told him sharply and turned back to her desk.

"What's biting her?" came Malfoy's stage whisper.

"Out, Mr. Malfoy!" She turned, furious at his flagrant disobedience and his disrespect.

"Pardon?" he gaped at her, obviously he hadn't bargained on her following through.

"Out!" She pointed at the door, her face unreadable.

She gave the first pupil the scrolls she'd marked.

"Pass them back please," she said to him and then went to sit behind her desk.

Malfoy hadn't moved.

"Are your legs not working?" she asked him quietly.

"I'm not leaving!" He glared at her. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You disobeyed me, what more do you need? Now get out please, Mr. Malfoy!" She refused to back down.

He stood up and grabbing his bag stormed to the door.

"Wait till I see Professor Snape about this," he hissed at her and slammed out.

"Right now then..." Meg carried on her class as if nothing had happened.

But half an hour into a particular tricky potion, her door was opened and Snape came in with a grinning Malfoy behind him.

"I found Malfoy, wandering the corridors," he said quietly, everyone in the room froze, including Meg.

She forced herself to remain calm; her nails bit into her palms as she looked up at him with an impassive face.

"Oh?" she sounded very unconcerned.

"He tells me he should be here, but you threw him out!" Snape glared at one of the students who had whispered to her friend.

Meg looked over her students.

"Right... carry on you lot I won't be long!" She strode to the door.

"Perhaps we can talk about this outside," she said to Snape as she swept past him.

He told Malfoy to sit down and glared at everyone before following Meg out the classroom.

She shut the door and cast a spell to prevent them being overheard. Knowing that most if not all of them would be straining to hear.

"Well?" She turned to Snape and crossed her arms.

"Why did you throw Malfoy out of the classroom?" he asked the question silkily, his own arms folded so he could grip his elbows.

"I wasn't aware I had to answer to you now?" she said frostily.

"Professor Kincaid, if you can't control your classroom, perhaps this isn't the best job for you," he intoned darkly.

Meg was stunned by his attack. Tears came to her eyes but she refused to shed them. Her chin came up and she glared at him.

"If you have nothing constructive to say please go," she said, her voice wavered slightly. "And you can take Mr. Malfoy with you! The boy has no idea of respect and I can't teach him, perhaps you'll fare better!" She turned and placing her hand on the door handle and started to turn it.

"Stop!" He put his hand on her shoulder making her tense up.

"What?" she asked still facing the door.

"You've got to keep it together," he said in a hard voice. "Over-reacting to Malfoy that way is exactly what he wants."

"Really?" She turned back to him, shaking his hand of her shoulder, her eyes blazed at him.

"He certainly looked taken aback to me when he realised I wasn't joking! Every lesson I have to put up with him playing potentially dangerous pranks. I've given him detention; which thanks to your interference usually ends up with him doing something he enjoys! I've removed points from his house which, again thanks to you, seem to be topped up again by some mysterious act that you deem is worthy of points. I refuse to have him in my classroom when he behaves in such an irresponsible way. If he can't do as I tell him to, I can't have him in there!"

"Am I to understand that he is no longer allowed in your class, or is this just today?" his voice and face gave nothing away, not even his sneer was present.

"That very much depends on him, don't you think?"

"I can't agree with this Professor Kincaid," he spoke softly. "Malfoy is... ah... difficult, but you can't... "

"Difficult?" she cried... "He's a nightmare!"

"Calm down Professor," he commanded, his voice dropped lower and became intense.

Meg narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm well aware you think the boy can do no wrong, but please, let me run my class in my way! How I teach is my affair!"

"I couldn't agree more," he intoned coldly. "It's just a shame you don't practise what you preach." He stood to one side and opened the door.

"Malfoy, come with me," he called coldly, his eyes never leaving Meg's face.

Malfoy, who clearly thought Professor Snape was going to put her in her place, was surprised, but the cold sneer on Snape's face didn't make him hesitate in getting up and going across.

Snape waited till Malfoy was out the classroom and stood beside him. He looked from Malfoy to Professor Kincaid.

"Come with me." He indicated Malfoy to go ahead, he waited till Malfoy was a little in front before turning to Meg and leaning forward, his hair brushing over her face.

"He WILL be back in your classroom tomorrow, Professor Kincaid. I have my own class to run. I really don't have time to keep running down here to sort out your messes." He stood back and walked away his robes sweeping out behind him.

She heard Malfoy laugh and realised that he'd overheard what Snape had said to her.

Meg gasped in shock and outrage. Of all the nerve! She wouldn't let him get away with that!

A/N: Hope you liked it… thank you for reading.


	6. It's Inevitable

Updated: march 2008.

A/N : Thanks to everyone whose reviewed my story so far. I'm glad you're enjoying it! I just hope you continue to enjoy the story!

As always… usual disclaimer! Own nothing… having nothing!

* * *

Meg had to wait till after tea before she could confront Snape; it had given her most of the day to work herself right up. It hadn't even occurred to her that not once had she given thought to Dean as she's seethed over Snape.

She'd told Neville that she wouldn't be able to make it tonight; but he has asked to go to the kitchens and try by himself anyway. Meg had been pleasantly surprised to think he enjoyed cookery that much, so she'd agreed readily.

Now, it was with quick sharp footsteps that she made her way down to where she knew he was in his rooms.

She banged on his door and waited, impatiently, her foot tapping on the stone floor, her arms folded.

His door opened and he sneered when he saw her there.

"What?" He sounded very bored, refusing to step away from his door.

"You can start by apologising," she hissed, furious now the object of her anger was standing in front of her.

"I beg your pardon?"

"For that business about running down to clear up my messes." She was practically spitting fire at him she was so mad.

"Come in before you self-combust," he drawled and stood to one side to let her in.

She stepped inside and before he could even move away from the door she turned on him.

"I don't ask for you to keep running down, you seem to like sticking your nose where it's not wanted. If that bothers you, try and keep it out for once!" She put her hands on her hips and let fly at him. "And for your information, they are not messes, invariably it involves some reprobate from your house; but as for your involvement, it is neither asked for nor required!"

"Are you finished yet?" he drawled coldly, standing directly in front of her, his sneer didn't impress her now.

"No! I'm not! So please don't interrupt," she said hotly. "If Malfoy, sorry, when Malfoy comes crawling to you whinging about how unfair I've been, I'd be grateful if you kept your nose out of it and told him to get on with it. You say Neville should learn to stand up for himself, but you don't seem to mind sticking up for Malfoy." She drew a deep breath finally coming to an end.

"Now have you finished?" he asked her coldly.

"Yes!"

"Good." He turned, opened his door and gripping her arm all but threw her out.

"Good night then, Professor Kincaid," he snapped and shut the door in her face.

Meg found herself staring at his door, a shocked look on his face.

"Well, of all the..." she almost stamped her feet she was so mad with him.

She banged on his door and waited. But he didn't answer her. So she banged again.

The door flew open and he stood there glaring at her.

"Are you going to stand banging on my door all night?" he grated out, cold fury on his face.

"You... you threw me out," she said and even to her it sounded pathetic.

"Good observation," he said curtly and started to shut the door.

"Severus!" She did stamp her foot this time. He stopped incredulously, even as she began to blush furiously at her childish behaviour.

"Did you just stamp your foot?" he asked her, an amused sneer on his face.

"It's your fault," she defended herself. "You get me all... uptight." She folded her arms and tried to glare at him while still blushing like a schoolgirl.

"I get you all uptight?" He arched an eyebrow at her. "Well, I've been accused of many things, but never that," he sounded almost amused.

"Don't laugh at me," she said quietly.

"Well, don't do things to make me laugh at you," he replied smoothly. "What was your purpose in coming here?"

"To get you of my back over Malfoy," she said quietly. "And because you insulted me."

He regarded her quietly and stepped aside once more to let her come in.

"Shall we try again then? You can come in and this time; please let me draw breath before you attack me."

She stepped past him, her head high.

"I apologise if I went a little mad there." She almost choked on her words. "But you seem to have this uncanny knack of driving me mad."

"Goodness, uptight and mad now? What else am I capable of doing to you?" he asked smoothly. Meg went bright red; glad her back was to him. She didn't think for one minute he had meant it quite the way she had took it. But the thought of what he could do to her was... dangerous. She kept her back to him and went to stand by his fireplace. She heard him lock the door with his wand but she wasn't frightened. She knew he'd never hurt her physically, Severus Snape was many things, many things she disliked, even loathed, but she knew she was safe with him.

"I'm not going to apologise for insulting you. I felt it was necessary at the time," he began. "However, you really need to rethink your strategy with Malfoy, his father has a lot of connections."

His words made her turn to him with a frown on her face.

"His father? I thought we taught the children..."

"Don't fool yourself, Professor Kincaid. Malfoy can and probably would make your life very difficult if he were to mention anything to his father." He crossed to sit in his armchair, motioning her to sit, but she didn't, she stood there staring at him, digesting his words.

"Are you telling me that Malfoy senior has the last say on how we teach here?"

"Only with his son. Don't underestimate the Malfoys, they are a dangerous breed."

"But... but..." She sank into the chair. "What's the point of teaching if we have to let children like Malfoy get away with everything just because we're afraid of what his father could do? That's just wrong!"

"The point is, that while we have Malfoy here, were we can see him; monitor his behaviour, we have a chance of teaching him more that just spells and potions."

"Yeah," she drawled. "We're teaching him that he can get away with just about anything because of whose son he is! Real smart politics there, Severus!"

"No!" he shook his head. "Despite what you think and feel Malfoy doesn't get away with everything, I don't let him."

Meg arched her eyebrow clearly doubtful.

"Severus... I just..."

"Let me deal with Malfoy." He cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"And in the meantime let him run riot in my classroom or have to deal with you sweeping into my classroom, letting him know he can disobey me because you back him all the way!"

"No." He shook his head in impatience "Has anyone ever told you that you can be extremely slow?" he snapped.

"I let him overhear me today. Do you really want Malfoy going to his father? His father just might remember things you'd rather have left hidden in your closet."

Meg realised in that instant he was trying to protect her.

"Oh!"

"Yes, oh." He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure the staff here will not have a problem with that. But I imagine if the students were to hear gossip; life could be rather unpleasant for you. Think about it."

"I'm sorry," she said reluctantly. "But it drives me ..."

"Just don't go overboard with him, try to pretend you don't hear most of what he says!"

"But it goes..."

"Against everything you've been taught." He nodded his head. "I know, I do understand. But I also understand that until the Malfoys can be caught and discredited they are in a position to do a lot of damage. So you see I'm not quite the ogre everyone says I am; well, yes I am, but not in this instance."

"I know you're not!" She cried out quickly. "I've never thought you were. Annoying, arrogant, intimidating maybe, but never an ogre."

"Thank you," he said dryly arching an eyebrow at her.

Meg realising she'd probably just insulted him even more shrugged

"Well, you know what I mean," she sighed.

"Fortunately for you; yes I do." He stood up and Meg thought it was her cue to leave.

She jumped to her feet. But he moved to stand in front of her staring down at her, a dark frown on his face, his eyes holding hers.

Meg stared back up at him, her breath caught in her throat.

"Severus I... " He placed a finger on her lips and half closed his eyes.

"I thought you were younger, had you pegged for twenty two." He took another step forward, his eyes hypnotising her. His finger on her lips making her legs goes weak.

"But it made no difference, nothing makes a difference; nothing you could tell me about yourself would make me feel any different about this." It was almost like he was talking to himself, not her, his voice was low and deep. Sending shivers down her back.

"Severus." She spoke against his finger.

"That time, when I asked you to sleep with me, I still want to." He stepped even closer, his free hand slid inside her robes to creep round her waist.

"Severus, did you not listen to a word I told you yesterday?" she demanded, although her voice gave away her desire for him. His hands just touching her was enough to make her breath catch in her throat and her mouth go dry.

"What of it?"

"I told you what I did and here you are, doing... doing... this!" She stepped backwards and broke contact with him. She moved towards the door but his words stopped her.

"You think I'm taking advantage of you?" he asked her slowly, his tone dark and smooth.

She turned to face him and was disconcerted to see him directly in front of her.

She swallowed deeply and bit her lip nodding. She was certain that with Snape it went no further than physical desire.

"You're right, I am." He nodded and his hair fell forward across his face slightly. "If I was to keep playing your game, Professor Kincaid, I'd be still waiting for you to admit this desire when we're too old do anything about it." He stepped forward making her step backwards once more; he backed her right up to the wall and then stopped when he was inches from her.

He was so close she could feel his breath on her face. Her eyes were pinned by his; the black in them sparkling with a desire that made her shiver and her knees go weak.

"Severus, how can you possible be doing this, after I tell you that I've committed the worst sin possible." She gasped, trying to back further up the wall away from him.

"There are many sins worse than ignorance and arrogance Professor Kincaid." He narrowed his eyes and Meg was reminded of a snake before it struck. "I have met many people in my time, not only as a teacher, but also when I was a Death Eater." He shut his eyes at the thought of his past and then they flew open. "I can spot a person capable of murder. You are not one!"

"You have a great deal of faith in your abilities, Severus. You'd better hope you're right!" Her breath caught in her throat as he placed his forefinger on her forehead.

"I'm not wrong! I'm not wrong about this either, am I?" his voice was so slow and dark that Meg felt her heartbeat increase; certain he'd be able to hear it.

He drew his finger down over her nose and onto her lips moving it slowly across her lips, tracing their outline gently. His finger pulled her bottom lip down slightly, his eyes on his finger as it carried on down over her chin, down her throat and into the top of her robe.

Meg had stopped breathing roughly about the same time his finger touched her forehead.

"Breathe," he commanded softly as his finger slid from side to side over her collarbone, opening her robe wider with each sweep.

"I want to kiss you, but not to resuscitate you."

She drew in a ragged breath and gripped the wall as his eyes drifted back up to hers.

A slow smile crossed his lips as his eyes flashed at her.

"Will I be your first?" he asked her quietly and Meg blinked rapidly.

"Now hold on a moment!" She tried hard to keep hold of her senses, although she couldn't think why she should.

"Just answer the question," he murmured, his fingers had slid further down her collarbone to brush across the top of the jumper she was wearing under her robes.

"I… er... yes." She flushed, and not just because of his question. He raised his other hand and gently pushed her robes apart.

"Step forward," he whispered and Meg obeyed without thinking, probably because coherent thinking was now beyond her.

He pushed her robes down over her shoulders till it fell to the floor with a swish.

His fingers drifted down her arms and across to inch under her jumper. He trailed his cold fingers across the bare flesh of her stomach and watched through smug narrowed eyes as she shuddered under his touch.

He slid his other round her waist and supported her as her knees started to buckle.

"Look, Severus, uh! I... " She licked her dry lips, becoming increasingly aware of him

"Just shut up," he murmured. And leaning his head to hers, he let his lips brush across hers.

Meg's hand slid up his robe covered arms to his shoulders.

"We weren't going to do this again," she husked.

"It's inevitable," he whispered between brushing her lips, making her lean up trying to get better contact with his lips.

"You're very arrogant, Severus," she husked. He might be turning her to jelly but she still had to tell him.

"Maybe," he whispered as his lips travelled down her throat. "I can see what I look like in the mirror. I know what others see. I still don't understand why I affect you the way I do. But I'm not going to question it, just act on it." He dipped his tongue into her ear and Meg groaned as sensations swept through her, her knees gave up.

Unwilling to let her go, he just let them slide to the floor in a kneeling position, she was still clinging to him, his mouth by her ear.

She wound her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. Despite the way he was making her feel, some small part of her was scared. Scared of the feelings, scared of what would happen. And not a little scared of how it would be after.

They'd built a tentative relationship, one that swung from comforting to infuriating on a regular basis.

She wasn't sure she wanted to sacrifice that relationship. It hit her then, she needed Snape more as a friend than as a lover. Especially if the lover bit would amount to a one time only affair; she wasn't sure she'd survive that.

Using every last strand of courage and strength she possessed she pulled away from him. He was surprised into letting her go; he hadn't seen it coming, he'd never have let her go if he had.

"What is it?" he asked, he studied her face. It took everything she had to keep the blank look she was usually so good at on her face. Snape had the amazing ability to see straight through her, but she couldn't risk this here.

Meg got to her knees and moved away from where Snape was still on his knees.

"This isn't right," she whispered and drawing out her wand unlocked the door. "I can't do this, Severus." She closed her eyes and sighed before opening them.

"It just isn't right!"

"You just said that. Strangely enough it didn't convince me the first time either."

He got to his feet in one fluid motion, but made no move towards her. His face had reverted to its usual dark, hard look. Even the sneer was back in place.

"I have to, work things out…" She frowned, it sounded lame to her own ears and Snape was a smart man!

Snape sighed and turned away from her.

"Forgive me, Professor Kincaid. I seem to have trouble keeping my hands of you when we are alone." He crossed to his desk and sat down.

"Severus... Why hasn't it bothered you?" she asked the question that had been niggling her without realising it.

"What?" he pulled out a quill and began to flick the end in an effort to keep himself from getting up and dragging her into his arms again.

"When it happened, another friend of ours wanted to know how it happened. She came to see me in hospital and I told her; she hasn't spoken to me since," she said it softly

Snape didn't reply at first and then he looked up at her with cold hard eyes.

"How can I let it bother me? I've done things than you can't even imagine about! I've seen things and participated in things that make nightmares seem like pleasant daydreams." He dropped the quill and straightened up. "How can I sit in judgement on you when one act of ignorance doesn't even begin to compare to what I have done, intentionally." His words were cold, chilling even.

"I don't care what you've done," she whispered and saw him arch his eyebrows at her.

"Then why should I care what you're supposed to have done?"

Meg looked at him, biting her lip.

He stood up again slowly; he didn't want her bolting away again. But Meg wasn't going anywhere, because it just dawned on her; she loved Severus Snape.

She looked at him, his face no longer hard; with the sneer gone he looked almost vulnerable. But she knew he could be nasty, knew he could be arrogant, mean and a bully. But she still loved him. She valued his friendship, maybe she could have both. Have her cake and eat it!

She really doubted that. In her heart she knew that Dean had been right that night. Snape would never settle for anyone like her. Snape would never settle period!

But this was too hard. He'd affected her the moment his dark eyes had looked at her all those weeks ago. He'd said it was inevitable, maybe he was right. Maybe there was no point in fighting it. She wanted him, badly. Why not just accept it?

Knowing exactly what she was doing she walked towards him and raising on her toes she put her hands on his face, pulling his head down to hers slightly.

Their faces almost touching she stared deeply into his eyes and smiled.

"It's inevitable, right?" she whispered.

His hands slid around her waist to draw her against him closer still.

"Completely," he returned softly, one hand slid up her back to draw her shoulders closer to him. His other hand slid to cup her hip; pressing her to him.

Meg brushed her lips against him and then drew her head back as he tried to deepen the kiss.

"Severus?"

"Hum?" he caressed her back gently, working his hand inside her jumper to caress bare skin. She shivered and he smiled smugly.

"Is this going to be a one time thing?" she asked him, her breath caught in her throat. She had to know, had to know what he wanted from her.

"Yes, but just like before, it will happen a lot! Now shut up and let me kiss you, Megan." It was the first time he'd ever called her by her first name. She was surprised enough to pull back slightly.

"I've never heard you say my name before," she said softly.

"Really?" He arched an eyebrow at her. "Would you prefer me to call you, Professor Kincaid? Even while I'm going to..."

She cut him off hastily, blushing.

"No, no! I like hearing you say Megan."

He narrowed his eyes and pulled her back against him.

"Megan," he muttered her name and began to kiss her deeply.

* * *

Meg woke to see strange drapes above her head. She blinked sleepy eyes and realized her arm was pressed up against something warm. She turned her head and looked at Severus lying beside her.

He was flat out on her front; his head turned towards her, his face was softer in sleep, younger and less strained.

A slow smug smile crept across her face as she remembered last night. They'd started off in his study and ended up here, in his bedroom. The candles were almost burnt to their end so she knew it was morning, even though it was windowless in the dungeon rooms he had.

She wondered if she could slip out without waking him. She needed to use his bathroom. She shifted carefully, till she was out of the bed; he hadn't even stirred. Shivering in the cold air she reached down, and plucked his robe from the floor, shrugging into it before heading towards the bathroom.

Half an hour later she came back into the room fully clothed and clean, but the bed was empty. His clothes had been removed from the pile on the floor, but she could hear nothing to indicate where he was.

"Severus?" she called his name, her voice shaking slightly.

"In here."

She turned and saw him sitting fully dressed at his desk in the study adjoining the bedroom. Relief flooded through her, quickly followed by embarrassment and surprise.

"Was I that long?"

"Well, I just celebrated my eightieth birthday," he said dryly not looking up from the magazine he was looking through.

"Really? And you don't look a day over fifty," she said sweetly, a blush coloured her cheeks as he looked up at her.

Passion in the heat of the night was one thing; but to suddenly be confronted with the object of your passion in the cold light of day was quite another. Especially as he was sitting looking at her with a dark unreadable expression on his face.

"Come here and say that, Professor Kincaid," he drawled and sat back throwing the magazine down.

Meg crossed to him, uncertain of his reaction to her.

She was suddenly assailed with doubts. Was he about to kick her out with a 'thank you and let's not refer to it again'?

A slow malicious grin spread across his face as he reached out and caught hold of the waistband of her skirt. He tugged her closer till she was standing directly in front of him and then he moved round slightly and pulled her in between his legs.

She looked down at him, her bottom lip between her teeth.

"If you're so determined on severing your bottom lip, let me do it," he whispered and catching hold of her shoulder her pulled her down to face level as his other hand let go of her skirt and slid inside her jumper to caress her back.

"Severus, I think…"

"Really?" He cut her off with a frown. "Still able to think? That's not good," he muttered and slid his hand in ever bigger circles, causing her to shudder, his mouth claimed hers, his teeth worried at her bottom lip, making her groan as sensations filled her once more.

He chuckled into her mouth before letting his tongue explore her.

She pulled back from him, gasping for air. Her hands had found their way into his hair.

"Severus, I….."

"Still talking?" he mused and arched an eyebrow at her.

"Yes." She grinned at him. "I'd better go and get some fresh clothes."

"Sneaking up to your bedroom?" He let her move away from him.

She shook her head and picked up her own robe.

"Better not let Minerva see you emerging from the dungeons," he muttered with an evil chuckle.

"Oh. She's quite used to it; I sometimes end up sleeping in my study!"

Snape regarded her with a small frown.

"I didn't know that," he said slowly.

She looked at him, one eyebrow rose.

"Contrary to what you would like to believe; there are a lot of things that get by you."

"Really?" His frown deepened. "Sometimes things are best ignored."

She opened her mouth to say "Yes Malfoy, for one!" but thought better of it and shut her mouth again.

"You're thinking of Malfoy aren't you," he said silkily his face still giving nothing away.

She straightened up glaring at him.

"Do you read minds?"

"Only yours," he smirked. "You may be able to keep your face perfectly straight and fool everyone else, but your eyes give you away every time."

"Oh, that's good to know." She couldn't help but smile at him. "I'll remember if I want to put one over on you I'll cover my eyes first."

Snape stood and crossed to her slowly.

"You'll never be able to pull one over on me," he said arrogantly. "I can read you like a book."

He caught her hair in one hand and gripped it tightly but not painfully.

"Severus!" She moved closer to him to take the pressure of her hair.

"Are you cooking with Longbottom tonight?" he asked her ignoring her cry of protest.

"Yes."

He slid his hand through her hair till he was cupping the back of her head.

"Have you talked to him yet?"

"What about?" she frowned

"His stupidity in potions," he intoned. He brought his other hand up to trace her features with one finger. A tiny smug smile played round his lips as she shivered under his touch.

"Will you stop that!" she snapped, irritated with his comment about Neville.

"No." He shook his head. "I like it." His finger traced around her ear and she jerked in response.

"Pack it in!" She tried to pull back but he wasn't letting her go. "We've got to get to breakfast yet."

"So we have," he drawled and lowered his head till his lips were centimetres away from hers. "But I'm hungry now," he whispered before taking her lips in a deep kiss that had her clinging to his shoulders, totally swept away by the man who was so thoroughly kissing her.

A loud banging on the door had both of them jumping apart startled.

Snape frowned, annoyed at being interrupted.

"Who is it?" He demanded as he banged the door open.

Meg had dodged behind the bedroom door not wanting to be seen.

"Severus, we have a problem; someone has let all the Boggarts out. They're everywhere! The first years are in hysterics, along with half the second and third years!"

Meg recognized Minerva's high voice and realised it was probably the only time she'd ever heard Minerva flustered.

"Boggarts? Who let the Boggarts out?" he demanded, angry now.

"I have no idea, would you fetch, Professor Kincaid? I tried her room but I expect she'd fallen asleep in her study again. I must go back to Dumbledore." She hurried of before Snape could say anything.

"Boggarts?" Meg came forward slowly.

"Apparently," He snapped and held the door open for her to leave.

* * *

A/N : I'm going to try and get this downloaded before the chapter becomes to huge.

I was toying with the idea of writing a separate piece to fill in the missing scene above. There a few things which should really be addressed between Severus and Megan which I didn't want to put in this story because of the rating.

Anyway… let me know what you think… Should I write it or let 'em have their privacy!

By the way… a few quotes and one song kinda slipped in this chapter… can you spot them?


	7. Boggarts

Updated March 2008.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story! I never thought so many of you would like it! I hope you continue to enjoy it!

* * *

"The students are in their common rooms, so everyone is safe, we just need to spread out and catch them all," Dumbledore addressed everyone gathered in the staff room.

"We need to contain them in one area and then box then up again," came Sprouts eager voice.

"Gotta catch 'em all." Meg said in a funny singsong voice.

She received several strange glances from the others.

"What?" Minerva frowned at her

"S'okay, Meg's been watching too much Muggle Television again," Dean said helpfully.

Meg shrugged and muttered an apology; her glance went to Snape who just rolled his eyes at her.

"Well, it's quite right though; we do have to catch them all," Dumbledore said musing. "I haven't seen so many spiders since my last trip with Hagrid into the forest."

"How do you propose to catch them?" asked Snape from where he was leaning against the fireplace staring into the flames.

"We spread out. Cover as much ground as possible; fortunately Boggarts aren't the cleverest of creatures, they will in fact come and find us," Dumbledore replied stroking the hair on his chin.

"We can't let this continue past a couple of days," Minerva said sharply. "We have the outings and the Yule ball coming up. Not to mention Christmas!"

"Call off Christmas," Snape said suggested in his silky voice.

Meg snorted with laughter.

Several of the teachers were crying out in protest at his suggestion. He didn't raise his head but his eyes met with Meg's and she saw the glint of humour in his eyes. She grinned and looked away, not wanting to give his secret away.

"I think perhaps that might be a little drastic, Severus," Dumbledore rumbled, his own eyes twinkling, he did know Snape better than anyone in that room.

"Really? What a shame!" Severus stood up straight and sighed.

Minerva almost overloaded on that last comment. But Dumbledore cut of any reply by stating quite firmly that the sooner they got on the quicker it'd be accomplished.

He sent everyone off and Meg was unhappy to find she was with Dean and Snape.

They were sent down to the dungeons, as Snape knew that part better than anyone.

The three of them set off with a strained atmosphere.

Meg avoided both men and walked slightly behind them.

"Keep up!" Snape snapped as they entered the dungeons.

She pulled a face behind his back and felt slightly better at the childish response.

"Right, it splits into three here; Professor Rider you go right, Professor Kincaid left I'll take the centre one. Anyone gets into trouble, shout," he ordered and set off before they even had time to think about it.

"Is he always this dominant?" asked Dean looking sideways at Meg who was staring after Snape's disappearing figure in disbelief.

"I wouldn't know," she remarked quietly.

"How are you anyway?" he asked, obviously not caring, he just liked to see Meg squirm.

"Fine…." She didn't look at him just set off down her own passageway.

It grew darker as she got deeper; there were no windows here, only lit torches that hung on the walls at intervals. It was damp, dank and musty smelling. Meg would rather have been given anywhere than here.

She walked past storeroom after storeroom, all of the doors locked.

She could hear the others calling out Riddikulus several times. There was obviously Boggarts down here, but Meg hadn't come across any.

She tried the last storeroom in the passageway; it wasn't locked so she opened the door and went in.

"Luminos," she whispered, raising her wand to look round the room cluttered with boxes and packing cases.

Her eyes caught a form in the corner that, when the light hit it, rose up to full height. Meg froze, unable to move, unable to do anything as her wand picked out quite clearly the Boggart. But it was the form it took that made Meg freeze.

Sarah was stood in front of her, her face and hands deathly white, her skin bloated with water. Strands of weeds intertwined with her hair. Her eyes were open and staring, lifeless. Her hands were outstretched towards Meg.

She was floating a couple of inches of the floor. She was dressed exactly the way she'd been when she'd died. Meg couldn't move a sob tore from her throat.

"Help me!" Sarah's mouth moved slowly, water trickling from the corner.

The sudden words broke into Meg's fear and loosened her mind.

"Riddikulus!" she called out, but her voice was a squeak and not strong enough to have an effect.

"Found anything, Professor Kincaid?" came Snape's voice from outside.

Meg stumbled backwards slightly, just as Dean and Snape came in.

"Sarah!"

Dean went to move forward, stopped by Snape gripping his shoulder tightly.

Snape took control, he pulled Dean out of the room and raising his wand, went back in to shout 'Riddikulus', before gripping Meg by her collar and yanking her out.

He slammed the door shut, locked it and turned to the two stunned professors.

Meg was backed up against the wall; her eyes fixed on the door, her face white as a sheet.

Dean wasn't much better. He was shaking and had dropped to his knees.

Snape muttered angrily and crossed to Dean; he took his robes and pulled him to his feet. The movement brought Dean to his senses and he shook Snape off him. He glared at Meg and then turning walked back out of the dungeon.

"I'll get the box," he called over his shoulder, his voice like ice.

Snape moved slowly to where Meg was still staring at the door.

She felt so cold; she was shivering despite her thick robes.

"Look at me!" His dark voice seeped into her frozen mind.

Making herself respond to it was like crawling out of a very deep sleep. She finally dragged her eyes from the door to his. And the moment she looked into his eyes she felt safety wash over her, she felt his strength.

He stepped forward till he was right in front of her, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Professor Kincaid!" He spoke her name and she seemed to sag. He caught her shoulders and held her up.

"You need to get it together," he whispered, but she heard every word clearly, could hear them in her mind. It was almost as if he were inside her head.

"Rider will be back, possibly with others."

She nodded her rational thinking and teacher training kicking in. She straightened up and nodded, she shook her head slightly, refusing to think about what was behind the locked door.

"Yes, Yes, of course." She moved away from him and ran a hand thorough her hair still struggling to get it completely together.

He watched her as she moved away from the door slightly and took a deep breath.

"Sorry, I lost it a bit there," her voice still quavered.

"Why don't you go on ahead, I'll wait here," he said softly, his eyes narrowed at her.

She didn't really hear him her mind was racing. Her thoughts went to Dean; it must have been a shock for him. He'd been miles away at the time of the accident. He'd only seen her coffin lowered into the ground. He hadn't seen… she shook her head again harder.

"Right, go up and… yes, right," She wandered away from Snape, half of her forgetting he was even there as her mind fought to regain control over her thoughts.

By the time she'd got out of the dungeons and back into the main school, her composure had returned. Her thoughts were completely under control as she rejoined the others who were all gathered round at the foot of the main staircase.

Dumbledore greeted her with a big beaming smile.

"That went better than I hoped," he smiled. "Once the Boggarts in the dungeons are rounded up we can all get on with our lives."

Meg looked up at him sharply, but he'd looked away towards where Professor Sprout and Hagrid were carrying the boxes towards the dungeons.

"Well, much quicker." Dumbledore was very happy. "Let's all go to the staff room and wait for lunch. Classes can resume after Lunch."

Meg followed the others up to the staff room, on the surface she looked perfectly normal but underneath she was still hollow.

* * *

Having classes certainly helped keep Meg's mind busy. The time seemed to fly and it wasn't long before she was making her way down to the kitchens with Neville.

"Did you catch any Boggarts, Miss?" he asked as they began to set out his equipment.

Meg looked up at him quickly, but he was intent on setting his scales up.

"Not really, I had Professor Snape and Professor Rider down there; they seemed to find most of them." She turned to take the tea that Dobby had brought up, she thanked him and turned back to Neville.

He began weighing out ingredients and sifting them into his bowl. He was accurate and confident.

"Neville, what are your plans on leaving Hogwarts?" she asked sipping her tea.

"Um.." He shrugged. "Not a lot really… I was going to try and get into the Ministry if they'll have me!"

"What would you do there?" she asked quietly, maybe now would be the right time.

"I don't know!" He sighed and looked up at her. "There's not a lot I can do really; make their tea and cakes?" He grinned good-naturedly.

"Nev… have you considered becoming a chef?"

"What?" He looked puzzled.

"Well, I've never tasted food like yours. It's excellent! You could try and get into one of the cookery colleges and become a chef."

"A chef?" He looked astonished. "You mean a muggle job?"

"Well, yes," she nodded. "Nev, I really thought this would work, but to be perfectly honest with you, Potions isn't your thing is it?" She tried to be as gentle as she could.

"No, miss." She had expected him to be upset but instead he grinned at her.

"Galling, isn't it?" he laughed as he began to mix.

"What is?" She grinned back at him relieved he'd taken it so well. Neville really was growing up.

"Having to admit Snape… er, I mean, Professor Snape is right."

"Galling?" She laughed. "Impossible!" She winked at him.

"A chef? Do you think I could do it?" he asked uncertainly.

"Do you think you could do it?" she returned, watching as he set his spoon down to look at her.

"Yes, I do." He nodded. "I don't know the first thing about how to get in."

"Leave that to me, I have a friend who can get you a place somewhere, it wouldn't be anything like here, Nev; anything you do, everything you work at you'd have to do without magic. It would be your efforts, you wouldn't be able to rely on magic to help you out," she warned him, feeling very pleased for him.

"I think that'd be a relief," he muttered. "I've…. I've always resented being a wizard." He stopped blushing.

"Go on, Nev… what you say won't go any further," she prompted him.

"I know I'm no good. Things which are second nature to the others are very hard for me. You've tried really hard with me these last few months and I'll always appreciate that. But it's proved to me that I'm not supposed to be a wizard. Oh I'll always have that in me, I'll always be good at Herbology, but I'll never be like Harry or Hermione…"

"Nev, Nev, the world only needs one Hermione," she said dryly.

"You sound like Professor Snape then," he laughed and Meg glared at him.

"Well just watch yourself lad, I can glare just like him too," she mocked.

He put his rack of cakes into the oven and stood up.

"You know what, Nev?" she said reaching forward to scoop some of the cake mixture of the side of the bowl.

"What?"

"You're a great guy. A really nice person. I reckon you could be an outstanding chef. Or you could go far in Herbology, maybe even teach it one day? If there were more people like you in the world, Voldemort and the kind of people he attracts wouldn't have a leg to stand on!"

"But I wouldn't contribute much if something were to happen again," he said sadly

"You would; in your own way. Look at me. What could I possible do? If I tell you something Nev, don't repeat it."

"Of course not, miss!"

"I did find a Boggart down there today. But I was unable to fight it. If I can't fight my own imagination, my own fears, I won't be helping much either!"

"But you're a teacher," he stated obviously surprised at her admission.

"And?" She looked at him. "What about it? Nev, it' not what you are on the outside that counts, it's what you are on the inside. Be true to yourself. Know yourself! Do what you want to do; not what others tell you to do. Don't become a chef because I say so, do it because you want to; if you'd rather stay with Herbology then do that. But do what you want to! If you end up doing what others want you to you'll never be happy or any good at it; because your heart won't be in it!" She grinned at him "There, lecture finished."

He laughed, but she could see he was thinking hard about what she'd told him.

They were both still sitting there eating the cakes when Snape walked in.

"Longbottom, isn't it a bit late to be out of bed?" he snapped.

Neville jumped to his feet, all his earlier confidence drained away.

"Know yourself," hissed Meg into his ear as she stood up and leaned over him to reach another cake.

"Sir, I…." He swallowed hard, and picked up his bag.

"I was just leaving," he almost whimpered and then straightened up. "Thank you, Professor Kincaid," he said more strongly.

"No, thank you!" She grinned at him and patted her tummy.

He went passed Snape with his head high.

"Good night, Professor Snape, Professor Kincaid." And he left the kitchens.

Snape stared at the retreating back of Neville and then turned on Meg.

"What is in those cakes tonight?" he asked, sweeping his robes out to sit down.

"Nothing." She grinned and then winked at him

"What did you tell him?" he asked suspiciously.

"Only that if he ever felt intimidated by you, he should imagine you were completely naked."

"I beg your pardon?" he spluttered over a mouthful of cake.

"Relax, I was joking."

"I should think so!" he retorted glaring at her.

Meg sat back and watched as Dobby brought him his usual cup of tea.

Snape waited till the house-elf had gone again before looking intently at Meg.

"You surprised me today."

"How?" she frowned at him, wondering what he was going to say.

"I thought the Boggart would have taken Rider's form; not that of your friend." He watched her closely.

Meg paled slightly, but she was much firmer under control now than earlier.

"Why Dean?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light and even.

"Well, I would have thought that was obvious; he did mention killing you."

Meg looked at him and sighed.

"He said that nine years ago as well and he hasn't killed me yet. He was really distraught when you heard him talking to me."

"Defending him?" he queried; his head slightly to one side, his hair falling softly over his cheeks almost hiding his face completely.

"No," she shook her head. "If Dean had meant it I don't think he'd have taken nine years to do it."

"Probably not," Snape agreed and contemplated his empty pate.

"Cookery seems to agree with Longbottom," he remarked grudgingly.

Meg smiled slightly and slid another cake onto his plate.

He looked up at her and smirked.

"Trying to fatten me up?"

"I've come to conclusion that's impossible," she retorted, eyeing his thin frame.

"Yes," he agreed softly. "Although I've never quite eaten as much before as I have done in the last couple of weeks." He frowned at her. "I hold you totally responsible!"

Meg laughed and began clearing the plates into a pile for the house-elves.

"Leaving?" he asked quietly.

Meg looked up at him. He was watching her very intently with his eyes narrowed.

Meg swallowed. She suddenly felt very nervous. What was going to happen next? Would he want her to go back with him? The thought of repeating last night made Meg shift in her seat slightly, a blush covered her cheeks as she remembered with clarity just how easily he affected her, how quickly she lost control with him.

She was scared, uncertain. She slid everything into one area and with a shaky hand pushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I have… some marking to do." She stood up avoiding his gaze.

"So do I," he replied and stood up

Well, that was that, thought Meg, feeling disappointment race through her. She wasn't sure what she'd hoped he'd do. She should have known better than to expect him to ignore her, sweep her up into his arms and stride of with her. She was no romantic heroine, and he was certainly no Heathcliff.

She stepped back from the table and straightened her robes.

"Good night then," she said quietly, still avoiding his eyes.

"Good night, Professor Kincaid," he replied smoothly.

Meg turned and left the kitchens with as much dignity has her shaking body could muster. She felt like crying. She knew that,being an adult, if she'd wanted him she should have made it clear. He'd told her last night that it wasn't a one of thing. But then, she reasoned, that was before the event, maybe she'd disappointed him. Sure, it had been good for her. More than good. It made her knees weak just thinking about it. But she'd been no expert. Unlike him. She shivered as she remembered how he seemed to know exactly where to touch her, and how to touch her that had her whimpering in seconds.

It had been a first time for her. Not for him, which she had not been surprised at. He'd been extremely reluctant to talk about it though, which hadn't mattered at the time because talking had been beyond her anyway, but he'd insisted the lights remained out, he'd been very insecure about her seeing him which had suited her fine. Not that confident with her own body, she knew where he was coming from on that one.

By the time she gone from the kitchens to the study she had herself convinced it was all her fault. She'd been no good, something he'd rather not repeat. She sighed, sitting herself down and drawing the scrolls to her; she began to mark.

She sat quietly staring into space. She'd just marked Neville Longbottom's paper, which once again, smacked strongly of Hermione Granger's interference.

She'd have to talk to him about that. She didn't care how bad his work was, as long as it was his own. Getting help with spelling and grammar was one thing, but having help on the actual theories themselves was quite another.

She shook her head, sighed and set his paper to one side, separate from the others.

"Longbottom is surpassing himself I see," came Snape's cold voice from behind her.

Meg jumped, her quill splattering ink all over her desk.

"Severus!" She drew out her wand and cast a quick spell to clear up the ink. "I didn't hear you come in; did you even knock?"

"And I see Granger still can't help but interfere," he continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Did no one ever tell you it's rude to read over someone's shoulder," she hissed pushing another paper over Neville's to stop him reading any further,

"Ah! Protective as ever," he smirked and moved around to stand in front of her desk. He leant against it, leaning forward till his face was close to hers. His hair swung even further forward, almost completely covering his face.

"Wouldn't you rather come back with me," he whispered.

Meg looked up at him; her mouth drying up instantly. She swallowed and lowered her eyes to her desk; she began to fiddle with her quill.

"Well, er, I have all this marking…" He silenced her with his finger on her lips.

"Not embarrassed, are you?" he whispered, smirking at her.

Meg blushed bright red and drew back quickly from his finger.

"Don't," she whispered, he was laughing at her, she could see it in his eyes.

"Don't what?" he murmured and ran his hand over her hair. He tugged at the band that held it back from her face. Pulling it loose he tangled his fingers through her hair.

"You have beautiful hair," he murmured.

"Severus… " She cleared her throat.

"Give it up," he muttered. "That's what you told me once; to just accept things." He ran his fingers down over her cheek and watched as she leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Accept this, Megan." He brought his other hand to her face and cupped her cheeks. "You can't control this anymore than I can." He leant forward and kissed her gently.

"Severus, I…"

"Insist on talking all the time?" he groaned and stood up straight. He took the quill from her limp fingers and placed it on the table.

He came around the desk and taking her elbows he drew her to her feet and began to lead her from the room.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, letting him lead her anyway.

"Taking you to my room, it's too late for marking." His hand slid down her elbow and caught hold of her hand firmly.

"Oh." Meg smiled and blushed all at the same time, making Snape grin evilly at her.

She wasn't going to let her mind or brain think too much about this. Just let it go where it was going and then deal with the results. A sudden thought had her stopping short with a cry of horror.

"What is it?" he demanded, his other hand going for his wand instinctively.

"I don't want to get pregnant!" The words flew out of her mouth.

He rolled his eyes at her and put his wand back before opening his door and pushing her gently inside.

"You won't," he murmured as she passed him.

"But, last night, I didn't even think about it!"

"No, you didn't," he smirked. "Fortunately one of us is more responsible."

"Hey!" She backed away, annoyed at his arrogance, "Now hold on just a moment!"

"What now?" he sighed, recognising she was about to get all riled up.

"Don't say I'm not responsible!" she snapped. "It's your fault!"

"How do you work that out?" he demanded incredulously.

"Well… you… if you weren't so…" She began to blush. "If you didn't… get me all worked up I might have thought; I think." She was confusing herself so she didn't think for one minute he'd have any idea what she was on about.

He smirked at her, advancing on her slowly; he knew exactly what she was saying.

"What you're trying to say, is that I get you so excited you can't think."

"All right!" She couldn't get any redder. "No need to be so arrogant about it!"

"Megan, Megan," he muttered her name. "It works both ways."

She stared up at him completely taken aback. Of all the things she thought he would say that hadn't been one of them.

He caught hold of her hands and drew her to the armchair; he sat down settling her on his lap.

"You have the same affect on me. If we're alone I have trouble keeping my hands of you. I have trouble keeping my hands of you full stop."

She turned slightly on his lap and wound her arms around his neck.

"But you were with it enough to protect us," she whispered.

He shifted suddenly, looking a little devious. He shook his head and, the usual sneer that played around his lips appeared. All signs of slyness had disappeared and had been replaced with arrogance.

"I cast a spell."

"When?" She frowned and slid her hand into his hair. She wound a strand of his hair around one finger.

"When you came back into my room the second time."

"Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you?" She arched an eyebrow at him.

He smirked and pulling his head to the side, freed his hair from her finger.

"I think you're a smug, arrogant, annoying, irritating, sexy man," she said completely honestly.

"Sexy?" his eyebrows almost disappeared. "Now I think you're under the influence of that damn cordial of yours!"

"Haven't touched a drop since, well, since that time you so gallantly came to my rescue!"

He snorted, his hands sliding inside her robes to search out the warm flesh of her back.

"Don't kid yourself, Professor Kincaid, the only person I was rescuing was me. The thought of teaching any more classes in that mess you made of my classroom was enough to make me willing to brew you anything to get you back on your feet and sober." He smirked slightly as his hand connected with her skin making her jump as his fingers began tracing patterns on her.

"Although I have to admit, the sight of you sprawled at my feet was very… ah… pleasing. You have no idea how annoying you can be."

"You're such a sweet talker, Severus," she pouted at him, her own hands creeping around to the top of the high necked coat he wore beneath his robes.

"I try," he replied dryly. "And what do you think you're doing, Professor Kincaid?" His voice had taken on a light teasing note, but his face was still very set and dark.

"Well, seems to me the reason you're so uptight is because you wear too much!"

"Oh, really?" His hands stilled on her back as her fingers began to nimbly undo the buttons on the coat.

"Megan," his voice became even darker and huskier than usual as her fingers brushed against his throat as she worked the black tie loose and began on the high necked white shirt under his coat which had most of it's buttons undone now.

"What?" She looked up at him.

"I'm not uptight. You are."

"Nah." She shook her head. "Nasty rumour." Her fingers stilled on his buttons and she looked up at him, emotions flickering across her face.

"Severus, I meant what I said; I think you're incredible sexy."

"Don't patronise me," he muttered, bringing his hands out of her robes to push them down her shoulders.

"What's this then?" she asked irked at his attitude. "Why would I be sitting here?"

"I've asked myself that same question already," he murmured, his face was controlled, his eyes narrowed.

"You can be incredible stupid, for such an intelligent man!" she huffed, her hands gripping his shoulders now.

"You've just contradicted yourself," he pointed out smoothly. "Besides I do own a mirror and I am capable of looking in it!"

"Oh!" She understood now, understood very well. "Severus, do you know what I see when I look at you?"

She could feel him withdrawing from her mentally and emotionally. She had no idea of what kind of past he'd had. She knew he was a Death Eater and had spied for the headmaster, but other than that, she knew nothing about the man whose lap she was sitting on.

She cupped his face, her hands curved around him gently.

"I see black hair that I'd like to wash." She let go of his face to run a hand through his slightly greasy hair.

"Makes no difference," he replied smoothly, coldly.

"Ssh! Don't interrupt me." She laid a finger on his lips and smiled at him.

"I like running my hands through your hair just as it is. It feels like silk. I see dark, dark eyes that sometimes can freeze me, and can sometimes make me feel scared. But sometimes, just sometimes, I see warmth and humour in them. Your eyes can make me want to loose myself in you completely." She traced her finger over his eyebrows and sighed softly, she really did love this man. Whoever he was, whatever he had been; unconditionally.

"I see a nose that's hooked." She traced her finger down over it. "I've always had a thing for your nose. I'll tell you why someday. And your mouth… " Her fingers traced over his lips down to his chin. She cupped her hands back around his face and looked into his eyes, which at the moment were regarding her very coolly.

"Your mouth… I just want to kiss your mouth." She leaned forward and brushed her lips over his very softly.

"I see you, Severus! And I find you very, very, attractive," her words came out on a sigh.

"I think…" He drew in a ragged breath. "I think you're delusional, but, like I said last time, I'm not going to question why you chose to be with me."

"Severus?" She bit her lip as his hands once more found their way into her robes and onto her skin.

"You know you said you had trouble keeping your hands of me? Don't try!"

He closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again her breathing hitched at the desire she saw there.

"I need you just as much," she whispered as her fingers once more began their task of undoing his buttons. "If not more."

"I doubt that," he muttered before kissing any rational thoughts from either of their heads.

* * *

Meg was on her way to the hall for breakfast when she heard crying. She imagined it was Peeves at first, but as she got closer to the source she realised it was a girl crying. She followed the sounds, all thoughts of her hungry stomach disappearing.

She'd left Severus at his desk, busy marking the scrolls he should have done the previous night, muttering about eating at lunch time.

She frowned as she found the source of the crying.

"Miss Weasley?" She watched as Ginny jumped, startled she'd been found.

"Prof.. Professor Kincaid!" She hastily began to scrub at her face with her sleeve.

"What's wrong?" Meg went to her, but didn't touch her.

"No… nothing, miss," she whimpered, before getting better control.

"Nothings don't usually make a person cry, Ginny," Meg pointed out softly.

"I… fell!" It was obviously a lie, but there was nothing for Meg to do besides accept it at face value. Unless Ginny was willing to talk about why she was crying; Meg had no right to pry.

"Do you need Madam Pomfrey to take a look?" she asked, noticing Ginny favouring her left arm.

"No, miss, just bruised."

"Bruised? Let me see." Meg caught a glimpse of bruising on her wrist before Ginny hid her whole arm in her robes.

"It's fine, I'm just feeling a bit upset."

"Where were you going?" she asked her kindly.

"Er… breakfast."

"Oh, so was I, come on then." She waited for Ginny to walk ahead. She knew something was more wrong than just a fall before she couldn't force the issue.

"Ginny!" She stopped her as they reached the door.

"Yes?"

"If you need to say anything, about anything, you know where my study is."

Ginny looked at her and Meg saw the tears fill her eyes again.

"Thanks," she muttered and almost ran into the hall.

Meg followed frowning slightly.

There were few people here at this time of the morning, but Meg liked an early breakfast, it meant she could always slip back in later if she wanted any more. She went to the staff table pleased to see she was the only one.

She helped herself to bacon and eggs and sat watching Ginny as she slid into a seat by Hermione, who as usual was sitting studying. She watched the older girl slip her arm around Ginny in concern.

The doors opened and Meg watched as Draco Malfoy came in. He was looking for someone that much was obvious. He looked over at Ginny and Hermione who hadn't noticed his arrival. He took a step forward, seemed to think better of it and turning went back out the hall.

Meg's eyebrows rose. What was Malfoy up to now?

She frowned, concerned now, if Malfoy was upsetting Ginny and she wasn't saying why…

"You're early Megan, my dear," came the headmaster's voice as he sat beside her and helped himself to some breakfast.

"You know me, can't stay away from the food," she laughed, all thoughts of Draco and Ginny put from her mind.

"Are you going into Hogsmede this weekend?" he asked her conversationally.

"Probably." She nodded. "There's a few things I need." She sipped at her goblet.

She made small talk with the headmaster as slowly, students and professors started arriving for their breakfasts. Snape entered the room last and slipped into his seat beside her.

"I hope you left some for the rest of us," he remarked coolly, his eyes on her already empty plate.

"Nope, ate your share already. Should have got here sooner; instead of being lazy and not getting up earlier," she teased him gently, winking at Filius Flitwick.

Snape snorted and began to fill his plate.

Meg looked up and watched the students, her mind went back to Ginny as she saw the girl get up and leave the hall. She watched in concern as a couple of minutes later Draco stood and left too, without his friends.

Meg was alarmed. She set her goblet down a bit hastily and spilt some,

"Please excuse me, I forgot something," she muttered and left the hall quickly. She walked through the corridors, knowing it would be sheer luck if she caught up with them. But then coming from one of the empty classrooms she heard crying and someone whispering quietly. She walked forward and stopped in the doorway, completely unprepared for the scene that greeted her.

Draco was sitting on one of the desks and Ginny was between his legs, crying hard into his robes as he held her tightly. His face was buried in her hair; her arms were wrapped around his waist.

Draco's head snapped up and his eyes locked with Meg's. He froze, his eyes narrowed, but he didn't let Ginny go.

"What's going on?" Meg asked quietly, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind her.

Ginny jumped back slightly, but still Draco didn't let her go.

"Miss, oh dear," Ginny started crying fresh tears.

"Gin. Come on, crying isn't going to help," Draco whispered, his hand rubbing her back softly.

"Draco?" Meg sat on the edge of one of the desks and waited. If she didn't sit on something she thought she might just collapse at the sight of Malfoy being gentle with someone.

"I love Ginny," he said, his chin rising slightly almost as if he was daring her to challenge him.

"And I love Draco," Ginny sobbed, her red rimmed eyes fixing on Meg.

"So, where's the problem?" Meg asked, crossing her legs and folding her arms, covering the fact that, at the moment, she could be knocked over with a feather. Malfoy certainly looked genuine, but she knew better than to judge by face value.

"There is no problem," Draco snapped.

"Right, so you reduce all your girlfriends to tears then, Mr. Malfoy!" She couldn't keep the sharpness from her voice, although her face was perfectly blank.

"I have not made her cry!" He declared hotly, as more tears came from Ginny.

"Pansy,!" muttered Ginny.

"Ah!" It became very clear to Meg with just that one word. "And I take it she gave you that rather nasty bruise?"

Draco looked alarmed; she'd obviously not told him that.

"She hurt you?" he demanded.

"Not much." Ginny pulled away completely. "She was just warning me away from you." She rubbed her eyes.

"What did she do?" he demanded, both of them forgetting Meg who was quietly watching the drama unfold.

"She just caught my wrist, that's all; just leave it Draco, please!"

"Why not talk to her?" Meg suggested speaking up. "If you explain that you …"

"It doesn't work like that!" sneered Draco. "There's the whole Slytherin/Gryffindor thing going, no one will accept it!" He crossed to stare out of the window.

"I'm well aware of the whole inter-house hatred thing that goes on here," Meg said clearly. "I was a Hufflepuff here for seven years."

"Then you know; it's just not done! House mixing, especially our two."

"Oh, for goodness sake," Meg snapped. "It annoyed me then and it annoys me now! This isn't Romeo and Juliet! If you two kids want to get together, ignore everyone else, who knows it may start a few more mixing. You've got the Yule Ball coming up. Draco, you pretty much lead Slytherin, you're head boy! Set the lead!"

"There's Ron too!" Ginny said softly.

"Yes, Ron," Meg mused slightly, she could see big problems ahead there. It was no secret how much Malfoy and Weasley hated each other.

"Well, whatever you decide, Pansy has to stop hurting you."

"Let me sort it out." Draco stepped in. "I'll talk to her."

"Do that Mr. Malfoy, because if it doesn't stop, I'll step in. Got it?"

"Yes, miss."

Meg stood up and walked to the door.

"Don't be late to class!" She called back as she left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Meg didn't trust Draco, not one bit. But what else could she do for now? Both of them had seemed genuine in their feelings. She considered telling Snape. It was probably worth his while knowing what Pansy was up to; he'd be able to keep an eye on her.

She went to the staff rooms, knowing he'd be there by now, coffee in one hand, head buried in a copy of the Daily Prophet in a vain attempt to stop from talking to anyone.

He was exactly as she thought he'd be. He was trying to stay out of a particularly heated conversation between McGonagall and Hooch about the Quidditch game coming up. She slipped into the seat beside him.

"Severus, can I have a word?" She asked quietly.

"Certainly, which particular word do you want?" He didn't lift his head from the paper.

Meg sighed in frustration.

"Not now, Severus," she snapped. "It's about some of your Slytherins!"

Snape sighed this time and closed his paper eyeing her with dark hard eyes.

"What have they done this time?" he sighed.

"Nothing, well, nothing I know, I think!"

Snape frowned and drained his coffee.

"As usual you're completely understandable," he sneered crossly.

"Just listen," she snapped, not seeing Dean come in.

"I am, so far I haven't understood a word you've said," he pointed out coolly.

"And you probably won't!" Dean sat opposite them. "I've known Meg a long time and I don't ever recall her saying anything sensible."

Snape snorted, a smirk played around his lips.

Meg stood up, her chair scraping across the floor.

"Fine!" She snapped. "I should have known better than talk to you about your blasted Slytherins anyway!"

She marched out of the staff room, aware the whole room had heard her outburst. But she really didn't care. Snape had been his usual annoying self, right when she needed him to listen to her. Then when Dean had arrived and made that nasty comment. She didn't really expect him to stand up for her. But it had still been nice to think he might. But he hadn't, he'd all but agreed with that infernal smirk of his.

She swept down towards the main area, intent of walking of her frustration before she went into her first class. She rounded a corner and smacked straight into Malfoy.

"Professor." He watched as she fell back, sprawled on her back at his feet.

"Malfoy," she snapped. "Watch where you're going!" she hissed.

"Sorry." He smirked and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her to her feet.

"Malfoy, if I ever hear of you hurting, Miss Weasley, you'll regret the day you ever entered these walls! Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." He smiled, revealing even white teeth. "I won't hurt her ever."

"Good! Make sure it stays that way!" She swept around him.

"Professor?"

She turned back to him, her eyebrows drawn together in a frown remarkably like Snape's.

"Thanks, for trying to help, Ginny. She likes you."

His words took her completely by surprise. He turned and sauntered of, hands in his pockets, whistling. She watched him still frowning, before she carried on to her classroom; thinking hard about what had happened. His last words had been spoken in a tone that made it clear he didn't trust her; but then she didn't trust him either. Time would tell; it always did.

* * *

"Hello, Angel of Death," came Dean's cold voice as she went into her classroom.

She hissed when she saw him sitting at his desk.

"What are you doing here," she snapped.

"Came to find out how your flying skills are these days."

"My flying skills? Why?" She was confused now.

"This outing, wouldn't want you falling off half way there, it can get kinda high."

"I can assure you, Professor Kincaid will not be falling off her broomstick on the way," Snape's cold voice came from behind Meg.

Rider laughed as he stood up slowly.

"That's good to know!" He moved past Meg, his eyes on Snape. "You really annoyed Snape up there, did you know that?"

"There's nothing unusual with me annoying, Severus, it seems to be a daily occurrence," Meg sighed wearily. She couldn't face having to battle with Dean; her head was really starting to hurt her

"Yeah, right." He laughed and ran his hand over her shoulder as he passed. "You were really good at annoying as I remember!"

"You'd better go before you miss your first class." Snape stepped forward.

Dean shrugged and with a wave of his hand left the classroom.

Meg kept her legs till she was by her desk. She sank into her seat and then looked up at Snape who was still stood by the door.

"Can I help you?" she asked him wearily, before turning to draw her outline toward her.

"What was all that about upstairs?" he asked her, his voice chilly and full of disapproval.

"I left you to it," she replied picking up her quill.

"I thought I'd seen the last of your amateur dramatics," he sneered.

It was enough to make Meg snap. She raised her head and gave him her own sneer.

"You'd better go before you miss your first class." She threw his earlier words back at him. "And shut the door on your way out please," she added and went back to the outline on her desk, her eyes unseeing.

Her headache was getting worse. She had seventh year potions followed by advance potions; enough to give her a headache on a normal day. She heard the door click and she sagged, resting her head down on the desk.

"Why did he have to come here?" she moaned, the coolness of the desk easing her head slightly. She was unsure what to do about Malfoy and Ginny. She could see things getting really out of hand if Ginny's hot-headed brother found out. The thought of Dean and the constant reminder of Sarah was always at the back of her mind. And now, he'd threatened her, granted it was very vague, but it was there; the threat that he might make her fall. She knew he probably wouldn't. He was too intelligent to risk his whole career and life for vengeance! But then he'd told her he was going to make her life hell. And he was. Give her the seed of doubt, plant it and let her do the rest of the work. She couldn't be absolutely certain he wouldn't try anything and that made her scared. More scared than she'd been able to admit to herself before.

She lifted her head wearily as the door opened and her students came in talking.

She stood and began the hard task of keeping them all quiet and working.

* * *

Lunch time saw Meg pouring a goblet of headache cure and downing it in one go. She was waiting for Neville to return after he finished Advanced Herbology. He came in as the potion began to work.

"What's up?" She could tell instantly he wasn't very happy.

"It's snowing again," he replied as if that answered everything.

"Don't you like the snow?" she asked him getting up from her desk to cross and lean against the one he'd sat down at.

"It's okay."

"Nev, what's up?" she repeated her question.

"I heard that the visit to Hogsmede might be called off because of the snow."

"Really?" That surprised her; it must be very heavy for them to cancel the outing.

"Yeah, and this, look." He handed her a single piece of parchment and Meg took it, realising this was the true source of his unhappiness.

She read it through quickly:

_Dear Neville,_

_I'm writing to say that I'm not able to have you home for Christmas this year, your great uncle Bob has come to visit and we need the extra room. I'm sure you'll understand. I'll be sending your present by owl. Be a good boy and try to work harder._

_Grandmother._

"Oh, Nev," she sighed and handed it back to him. "I'm so sorry!"

"I'm okay really. It just came and it took me by surprise more than anything!"

"You'll be staying here then, with us?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "What did you want to talk to me about anyway?"

She sighed again and sat down at the opposite desk.

"Don't get me wrong, Nev. I'm not being hard on you; but you have to start writing some of these papers yourself. I'm not against getting help with spelling or grammar, but you really must try and work some of these theories out without Miss Grangers help. If you're hoping to get any kind of grade in your finals you're gonna have to rely on yourself only."

Nev bit his lip and nodded; for one heart stopping moment she thought he was going to cry, but he straightened up and smiled at her, albeit it was rather a watery smile.

"Yes, Miss." He sat back in his seat. "I get a bit unsure of what I'm doing sometimes."

"I'm not gonna line you up against the back wall, and hex you if you get a paper, or even if you get all of them wrong! As long as you try yourself; that's all I ask from you, Neville, that you do the best you can, not the best Hermione can do!"

"Sorry."

"Okay!" She stood up and grinned at him. "Let's go and see what kind of snow we're dealing with then, shall we?"

"Well, last time I looked it was the cold, white kind, Miss!" He grinned back at her.

"Cheeky brat!" She laughed and they headed out of the dungeons, unaware of Snape watching from the corridor.

* * *

"Ever made a snow angel, Miss?" came a first years excited cry as she came out onto the grounds.

"No, show me." She laughed and watched as seven or eight first years all got down on their backs and began waving their arms and legs, making snow angels.

They stood up and Meg was impressed.

"That's very good." She nodded.

"You try," they cried but Meg just laughed.

"If I got down there I'd never get back up I'm so old!" She laughed and moved away towards the courtyard. Neville said goodbye to her and walked of to find his friends.

There were a few kids having snowball fights and one or two were making snowmen.

She sat on one of the benches after clearing the snow off and sat and watched, vainly wishing for her own childhood again.

"I would have thought you'd be in eating lunch!" came the chuckle of Filius Flitwick.

She smiled at him as he settled himself on the bench beside her.

"Not hungry today," she replied, looking back at the children.

"Must be the snow," he agreed. "So how are you enjoying your first teaching year?"

"More than I thought and not as much as I thought," she replied softly.

"I know exactly how you feel, although I have to admit to it being many years ago now; but I felt the same. Some things I thought would be hard weren't and the things I thought I'd sail through I didn't!"

"Exactly!" She grinned. "I have to admit Slytherin is my biggest problem. They're a bunch of hooligans just waiting for me to slip up!"

Flitwick chuckled.

"It's never been any different!" He scratched his chin in thought. "I have never doubted why Severus Snape is Slytherin Head of House!"

"Too much alike?" she laughed quietly.

"Oh no, on the contrary, he's the only one who can understand them!" He looked at her and smiled. "Oh well, better be off." He slipped down on to the ground and then turned back to look up at her.

"I think you're coping admirably, especially with everything!"

"What do you mean?" she asked, feeling a coldness settle around her heart that had nothing to do with the snow.

"Well, the memories of Sarah for one thing, and having her brother here as well. Terrible shame that accident!" He shook his head and wandered off leaving a shell-shocked Meg in his wake.

* * *

Meg didn't know what to do, so she hid in her study. She locked the door and settled herself down on her chair with a blanket and her memories.

She had second year after lunch followed by the third years, but that wasn't for another hour yet.

Someone knocked softly on her door and Meg huddled deeper into her blanket, if she kept very quiet, they might go away.

She began to think they'd given up after the third rather louder knock, but then she heard the lock unclick and the door opened. Severus Snape glided into the room and shut the door behind him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded, annoyed he'd just barged in.

"I was about to ask you the same thing!"

"You can't just go round unlocking everybody's door like that!" She jumped to her feet, her blanket falling to the floor.

"I don't," he replied and crossed to stand by her desk. "I only unlock yours."

"Severus!" She was close to stamping her foot again.

"Stop whinging," he ordered coldly. "I was just making sure we weren't going to have a repeat performance with the cordial."

Meg's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish, she was overwhelmed with anger.

"How dare you!" she squeaked, she was so annoyed her throat had constricted.

"Well, I assumed that after Rider's little act you'd be feeling very sorry for yourself."

"You assume too much!" she hissed. "Get out!"

"No!" He shook his head. "I want to know how much of a threat you consider Rider to be."

"Severus! Just stop!" She was almost hoping from foot to foot in irritation now. "I'm not one of your students you can bully into complying! Rider… I mean Dean, is just trying to get me all worked up. But with you around he needn't bother, because you do the job all by yourself."

Snape glared at her before advancing slowly.

"That wasn't a harmless comment in your classroom earlier," he barked. "Just how badly do you fly anyway?"

Meg shook her head at him and put her hands on her hips.

"He was just getting a rise out of me!" she hissed. "Do you really think he'd be silly enough to risk his whole life just to get back at me?"

"Do you?" he countered her quickly.

"No, I don't!" she said firmly. "He's many things, Severus, but he's not an idiot." She sighed and turning went to sit back in her chair, her head aching again. "He gets enough revenge out of seeing me hurt," she whispered.

She sank down and picking up the blanket began to fold it carefully.

"And for that alone I could kill him," Snape hissed before crossing to hunch down in front of her.

"Megan. I don't want you hurt, in anyway." He took her hand and held it in his own.

"I'm fine." She reached out and stroked his cheek.

"You've always been volatile," he murmured. "But you really lost it in the staff room this morning."

"I'm not volatile!" Her eyebrow went up. "I just… I'm just tired that's all. And the snow gets me down."

"Have you considered a pensive?" he asked her softly.

"A pensive?"

"For your memories."

Meg frowned and shook her head, no she couldn't do that, watch them all again, see them all, have them somewhere where anyone could see them.

"I don't need that." She smiled at him and tried for distraction. "Will you kiss me?"

An eyebrow went up sharply at her request.

"You were spitting fire at me just a minute ago, and now you want me to kiss you?" he smirked at her. "Has anyone ever told you you're as changeable as the weather?"

"I'm a woman! It's my prerogative to be changeable!"

"Can't argue with that," he said and leaning forward kissed her softly.

"What about your lunch?" he asked her quietly after a minute or two.

"Severus, you're not my mother. I can look after myself." She grinned at him.

"I've seen no evidence of that myself yet," he snorted and sat back on his heels.

"Oh really," she drawled, slightly irritated.

"Relax," he instructed and stood up. "Are you going to hide in here or come for a walk with me?"

"Are you going to make me a snow angel?" she asked lightly, standing up and reaching for her woollen robe.

He snorted and didn't even bother to reply as he opened the door and waited for her to join him.

They were walking in the grounds when Snape spoke again.

"What were you going to talk to me about before you did your dying swan bit?"

"Severus, can I just say you don't have a great bedside manner. If you want someone to talk to you it's best not to insult them first."

"Bedside manner?" he snorted. "You never seem to complain."

She blushed red as she realised he'd picked her up wrong.

"That's not what I meant," she hissed. "I mean you're quite…"

"I know what you meant, so please; less of the character assignation and just tell me what Malfoy has done now!"

"How do you know its Malfoy?" she demanded. He flummoxed her at every turn and it annoyed her.

"It's always Malfoy with you," he smirked.

"Well, yes it is Malfoy… sort of. It seems he and Ginny Weasley are rather fond of each other." Snape stopped short in his tracks to stare at her as if she'd grown three heads.

"Malfoy and Weasleys' little sister?" he grated out in total disbelief.

"Yes, although Ginny isn't really so little; she's almost. And I can't believe that I know something about your precious Slytherins that you don't! Oh Happy Day!"

Snape was completely taken aback and ignored her sarcastic humour.

"The problem is Pansy," she carried on. "That and the fact that I trust Malfoy as far as I can throw him. And I've never won any weightlifting competitions!"

"Parkinson?" he looked down at her and frowned. "She knows?"

"Apparently, I'm not sure what happened; but Ginny ended up with bruising around her wrist. Malfoy says he's going to talk to Pansy. But I can see huge problems coming from this."

"If it gets out it'll be all out war between the two houses," Snape said quietly. "I suppose you gave them your blessing," he sneered mockingly.

"It's not mine to give," she corrected him. "However I think the rivalry between the two houses is a bit dated. I did say that maybe with Malfoy being head boy that things might change."

Snap snorted again

"How naive are you?" he demanded. "You attended this school, you know the hatred between the houses."

"Yes, but don't you think it should stop; but that's beside the point. The issue here is Pansy, I don't want Ginny getting hurt."

"A precious Gryffindor," he mused.

"Oh for goodness sake, Severus," she snapped. "Parkinson is built like a brick outhouse! She'd flatten Ginny and you know it!"

Snape snorted again in humour at her choice of words.

"If Ron finds out we can expect a few out of class duelling." Meg added.

Snape nodded and taking her arm turned her to lead her back in.

"I'll keep an eye on Parkinson. I can't do any more than that without making the situation worse."

"That's all I ask," she sighed. "Thank you."

"Should be amusing actually," he remarked as they entered the school again. "Interesting to see what kind of hexes we'll have to sort out. Might even let Potter and Weasley stew for a bit if the curse is particularly inventive."

"Severus Snape, you can be so heartless," she remarked coldly.

"Never suggested anything else," he replied dryly and turned to walk towards his classroom. He suddenly stopped, turned and came back to her. He leaned in very close till his mouth was beside her ear.

"My room, tonight, 7.30," he whispered and without looking at her walked off, his robes sweeping out behind him.

Meg's mouth dropped open. She quickly shut it and shaking her head walked to her own classroom.

"Insufferable!" she muttered.

* * *

A/N: A few more quotes slipped in, sorry! Thank you so much for being so nice about this story and, for asking me to write the "missing scene". I'm going to do the "missing scene" in a separate posting. I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get it done. Not long hopefully! Have fun!

P.S. I really wanted to add "and bring a friend" to the last words Sev says in this chapter, but I restrained myself! (Ah! Alan Rickman rules as Severus, but he knocks me out as the evil Sheriff of Nottingham!) ;-)


	8. Man of many syllables

Updated: March 2008. Usual Disclaimer.

* * *

Severus Snape stood at the front of his class, eyeing the seventh years in front of him.

His temper was mean today. He'd woken up with a headache in the early hours of the morning and he'd been annoyed, and disconcerted, to find Meg no longer in his bed.

She'd slept with him each night now for nearly three weeks. She'd come to his rooms and stay till morning. It annoyed him to admit it, but he had grown accustomed to her being there when he woke, curled into a ball beside him, the only part of her touching him would be her feet, which she would tuck against his leg.

After the first time she'd seemed to accept that he didn't like unnecessary contact and didn't ask him to hold her again, instead she'd let him turn away from her.

But this morning she wasn't there and he didn't know why.

He let his gaze wander over the class of Slytherins busy writing an essay on ways to identify and combat vampires.

His gaze fell on Malfoy's bent head and once again he found himself wondering about the whole Weasley/Malfoy business. It had been two weeks since Meg had informed him of their relationship and nothing more seemed to have happened. Pansy appeared to be taking Draco seriously and kept away from Ginny. Neither had openly admitted their relationship, and as it stood, it was still a secret from the rest of the school. How long for though?

He still couldn't get over why he hadn't noticed anything. How had Meg stumbled on that one? He was the head of Draco's house and he'd been blind to it.

His eyes narrowed on Malfoy, it seemed in the art of deception he took after his father. He hoped for Miss Weasley's sake that was the only thing he'd inherited from him.

His eyes went to Pansy who was as usual sitting behind Malfoy; her eyes were on his back now, the quill in her hand motionless.

He watched her silently for a few seconds, not liking the look on her face, or the expression in her eyes.

"Miss Parkinson, the inspiration for your essay is not on Mr. Malfoy's back," his sneering voice made a few students who'd been immersed in their essays' jump.

Pansy looked at him quickly, her face flushing before she lowered her head to her scroll and began to hastily scribble.

Snape's eyes went to Malfoy. He was looking at Snape with a funny expression on his face.

It struck Snape that he was probably wondering if he knew about his clandestine affair with the Weasley girl. He raised an eyebrow at Malfoy who gave him a half grin before returning to his own scroll.

Snape narrowed his eyes, he had sixth year Gryffindors next. He might sound out the girl; see what kind of reaction he'd get from her.

Part of him was loath to admit that something as big as this escaped him. Meg had told him he didn't know everything that went on round here, obviously not, but he knew most things and this had completely escaped him.

He became aware of the restless disturbing of his students and realised the lesson had finished and they were waiting for him to dismiss him.

"Scrolls on my desk!" he ordered and swept to his desk to sit down and watch each student leave the scrolls as they filled out.

The last student went out and he had ten minutes before the next lot would file in.

He went to the windows and looked down over the grounds below.

"Interesting?"

He turned and saw Meg leaning against the doorway.

"Not really," he replied and went back to sit as his desk. He watched as she crossed to stand where he'd just been.

"I envy you this view," she remarked and he could hear the tiredness in her voice. It was only just apparent and anyone else would have missed it. But not him; in the last two months he'd got to know her quite well. His past dealings as a Death Eater had given him certain skills and so, even when her face was perfectly blank he could still tell roughly how she was feeling. He found her eyes could be expressional and tended to give her away if you knew what you were looking for, which he did.

"What do you want?"

Meg turned at his cold voice; he was watching her through narrowed eyes.

"Can't I just come for a chat?" she asked him sharply, it bothered her a lot when he was so cold to her. She knew he'd never be any different. Knew it wasn't the same with him as it was for her. But it still hurt.

"Not when I have a class in ten minutes; you could have chatted all you wanted to this morning, in fact you usually do," he said dryly, watching for her reaction closely.

She raised her eyebrow but kept her face perfectly straight and under control; but her eyes were frosty, maybe even resentful. He frowned, wondering what had brought that on. She should be used to his frequent bouts of sarcasm; she knew that it was impossible for him to utter more than three sentences without one of them being derogative. It was how he protected himself. A shield that he'd developed and honed since his early childhood. He couldn't, no, wouldn't, stop just for her.

"I'm aware you find my talking annoying," she replied softly. "But actually I came to ask you a favour." She moved to perch on one of the desks. Her hands tucked under her thighs.

"What?"

"I need to get a few plants from the forest, Hagrid is indisposed. The only students on detention at the moment are some first years, could you come with me this evening please?"

The smile that curved his lips wasn't a nice one; it was more a contemptuous sneer than a smile.

"Frightened of the dark, Professor Kincaid?" he mocked her.

She kept her face straight, her voice even.

"What would you say if I said yes?"

"I'd laugh," he retorted quickly and he meant it and she knew it too.

"You really are heartless aren't you," she sighed almost sadly.

He didn't reply, just arched an eyebrow at her and picking up his quill, drew a scroll towards him.

"Six, in the main entrance. Don't be late."

She'd called him heartless before, maybe she was right. What did she expect? Sudden declarations of devotion? That just wasn't in him. He had to admit, but only under Veritaserum, that he felt more than just lust for her. He suspected that he liked her quite a bit, when she wasn't being annoying or irritating or just plain silly that was. But anything over that? No, he'd just grown accustomed to her. He found her intelligence regarding potions adequate, and found himself enjoying the discussions they would have over certain potions or properties of plants. He'd even grown accustomed to her being there when he woke up, some days she'd still be asleep curled up beside him, others she'd already be awake and he would hear her singing muggle songs in the bathroom; all be it slightly off key. But it had never jarred on his nerves; if anything he found it quite soothing, knowing that for now, if not forever, there was someone who didn't find him utterly repulsive. He wondered when she'd wake up and realise she was sleeping with Severus Snape, greasy haired, sallow skinned, hooked nose, scrawny bodied former Voldemort supporter?

He knew she'd seen the dark mark on his arm, had insisted the second night she came to him that the lights would remain on. (Seemed she really was scared of the dark.) So it had been inevitable she'd see it, but she'd made no comment, no move to touch it. For that he'd been grateful, he wouldn't have been able to stand her glibly telling him it didn't matter, when he knew differently.

She knew what he was, what he had been and she still made her way to his room night after night. A sneer spread across his face. It was amazing what lust would do to you. What it would bring you down to.

"Thanks," her soft voice broke into his thoughts. He looked up quickly, but she was already out the door.

He stared at the open doorway and frowned. What would he do when she finally did realise what she was doing? He realised it was something he didn't want to think about.

Meg started down the stairs not really watching where she was going. Her mind was on Snape as it so often was these days.

The staircase took a turn and she realised with a cry of annoyance she was headed in the wrong direction for the dungeons now.

Tapping her nails on the wooden banister she huffed in annoyance as it stopped on the fourth floor. She walked off and made her way quickly to the next one that would take her down to the bottom floor.

"Caught you out?" came Hillary Hooch's friendly voice. She came striding down onto the staircase with Meg.

"Yup. They seem to know when I'm not concentrating and change. I'm sure it's deliberate!"

"Of course," she laughed.

"Hillary, I was wondering…" she trailed off, feeling foolish.

"Want to brush up your flying skills?" Hooch asked kindly.

Meg looked at her and stopped as they reached the main entrance hall.

"You know?"

"Professor Sprout let it slip." She winked at Meg, her yellow eyes glinting. "And I'd be delighted; I have this afternoon free, we could go outside on the lawns, no one would see us there"

Meg grinned at her in relief.

"Thanks, I would really appreciate it. The last thing I need now is to fall of half way to Hogsmede and give all the students a laugh."

"Do you expect Severus would let you fall?" Hillary winked at her again.

Meg's mouth fell open, before she remembered herself and shut it quickly, but not before a blush coloured her cheeks.

"Don't be alarmed. It's nice to see you two getting on better, Severus could use a friend."

"I don't know about that, in fact I think the more I get to know him the less he can stand me," Meg said quietly.

"Oh don't mind, Severus! He's an old bully as you well know. He may never tell you he likes you, but believe me he does. We all do."

To Meg's utter relief she realised that Hillary hadn't guessed they were sleeping together as she'd thought; just that they were close friends. The thought made Meg want to do her best Snape Snort, as she mentally referred to it. She was glad Hillary didn't know that they had got to know an awful lot more than shoe size about each other.

"Yes, well, he may put up with me, but I can't guarantee he'd stop me from falling on my face and making an idiot of myself," she laughed. "So I'd love to meet you this afternoon."

"Good." Hillary smiled and walked off waving goodbye.

Meg smiled and hurried down to her classroom, already five minutes late.

* * *

"Flying badly, is a bit of an understatement, wouldn't you say?"

Meg glared at Snape from where she sat on his bed, cross legged with just her robe wrapped around her. She was cataloguing in her notebook the plants they had managed to get in the forest. She'd enjoyed herself with Snape; he knew exactly where to get the harder to fine plants.

"You didn't follow me?" she demanded, watching him sitting at the small table by the lamp, busy marking.

He snorted and shook his head.

"Why would I bother doing that? I was just getting some air."

"Air?" she spat at him. "I wasn't aware you breathed!"

"Ouch," he replied lazily without even looking up.

"Hillary says I've improved," she informed him airily.

"Improved compared to what?"

"Well, if we were meant to fly we'd have wings!" she spat back, knowing he was correct. Her flying lesson had been disaster from start to finish. Hillary had spent the better part of an hour re-teaching Meg the basics, even calling the broomstick into her hand was hit and miss.

"Give it up and just ride with me," he suggested. He sighed and drew three long red lines through one unfortunate's scroll. "Totally incompetent," he muttered.

"Ride with you?" She got up from the bed and crossed to see which pupil just had their entire evening's work destroyed.

"Yes." He glared at her before pointedly turning the scroll over.

"Neville I presume?" she muttered and went back to the bed; she cleared off her quill and notebook and pulled the covers back.

"Well understandable conclusion to the word incompetent but in this case, no."

"I can't ride with you, what would everyone say?"

"That you're useless at flying on a broomstick?" he offered. "Besides, you won't be the only one hitching a ride. You don't seriously expect me to allow the likes of Longbottom their own broomstick? We want to get there in a reasonable condition."

Meg sighed and slipping out of her robes climbed into the now warm bed.

"My dad used to say that sometimes a tongue could be so sharp it would cut the owner of it one day!"

"And has it?" he asked softly.

"You know something Severus Snape, one of these days you are gonna fall flat on your face. And I really hope I'm there to see it," she cried and buried herself right under the covers, briefly wondering why she was still here.

"Oh you'll be there, because if I fall on my face it will be because of you," came the silky reply.

"Humph!" Meg snorted under the covers, her eyes tightly shut.

She heard movement and assumed he was packing away his writing stuff. The man was a neat freak; everything had to be in its place.

She sighed, her face completely covered by the sheets.

"And will you be staying this time? Or will you be sneaking off early again?" came a soft whisper as the sheets were lifted away from her head.

She opened her eyes and saw him looking down at her a dark frown on his face.

"Oh!" She wondered how long it would take him, if at all. At first she thought he hadn't cared enough to wonder.

"Don't you think it's going to look rather odd that I don't spend any time in my rooms anymore? Minerva knows that I fall asleep in my study sometimes, but not every night."

He didn't say anything, something was telling him she was lying; probably the way she wouldn't meet his eyes, but stared at his mouth instead.

"I don't give a damn what Minerva thinks," he replied truthfully.

Her eyes snapped up to meet his, fire in their depths. Now he'd got a reaction.

"Oh, yes, you do!" she replied hotly. "Don't tell me that you'd be willing for the staff to know exactly what goes on here at night."

"No, not exactly," he agreed. "Certain things should remain private."

"That's not what I mean and you know it!" She sat up, pulling the sheets up around her, one hand brushed her hair out of her eyes.

He sat back on the bed and watched her, a slight frown between his eyes.

Meg slid out of the bed and grabbing her clothes went into his bathroom, locking the door behind her. Tears were threatening now.

She told herself she wouldn't do this. If they didn't tell anyone they were sleeping together, there was nothing left to tell about anyway.

All they had was sex, nothing else, a certain friendship maybe, but what's to tell about that?

She dressed quickly, refusing to let the tears fall. She scraped her hair into a tight bun and wiping her hands down her robes nervously, opened the door and went back out into the bedroom.

Severus was still sitting where she left him.

She moved to the table that sat beside the bed and gathered her stuff together.

"Thanks for helping me in the forest tonight," she whispered and not looking at him turned to the door.

"Don't go."

She stopped, her hand stretched out towards the handle. His voice was very low, hardly audible.

"Why should I stay?" she asked, her heart beating very fast.

She heard a movement behind her and then the pin was slid from her hair. She began to shake as she felt him lift a handful and bury his face into it.

"I want you to stay," he muttered into her hair, his breath blew across her ear, making her shiver in reaction.

Her shoulders sagged; she'd lost again. One touch from him and she was helpless.

She had tried to convince herself that she could accept it was physical with him and nothing more, but it was getting harder. The more she fell in love with him, the harder it got to know that all she was to him was available, useful, there.

"Come to bed, Megan." His hand slid round her waist to take the books from her hands. He let them drop to the floor and brought his hand back to hold her waist.

He stretched her back slightly till he could kiss her neck. He rained kisses up and down her neck. His other hand let go of her hair and slid down to cup her hip.

"Severus," his name came out on as sigh of submission. She heard him growl in delight as he picked her up and took her back to the bed. Damning herself she slid into his touch, giving herself completely, knowing she was getting nothing in return.

* * *

"Will you come with me?" she asked Snape as she wrapped her long black scarf several times around her throat before slipping into her long woollen robes.

"No." He didn't look up from the coffee he was drinking at the staff room table.

"Okay." Meg kept her voice even, desperate to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She bent and made sure her boots were done up tightly and then straightened.

"Well, do you want me to get you anything?" she asked cheerfully; forcing herself to react normally.

"No," came the dry reply, he was more interested in watching his coffee swirl in the cup than look up at her.

"A man of many syllables!" came Minerva's sharp voice.

Snape raised an eyebrow but didn't look up.

Meg looked across at Minerva and winked.

"See you later then." She called and left the staff room, her heart heavy.

She began to walk to Hogsmede, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her robes. Last night had been awful. She'd had to leave again; after waking in a cold sweat.

The images of her nightmare receding but leaving her shaking and scared. She had needed him to wake with her, hold her and tell her it was okay. That it was just a dream and that nothing could hurt her. But he hadn't even disturbed, lying so far away from her that if she nudged him he'd fall off the edge.

She'd crept out of the bed and dressing quickly had returned to her own rooms to curl in her chair and cry softly. Crying for the Sarah that haunted her dreams, and crying because he wasn't there for her; knowing that he was too lost in his own nightmares to help her. She'd stayed in her chair till dawn and then she'd gone to the staff room for coffee.

He'd come in several hours later. He'd seen her sitting there but had ignored her, not even bothering to sneer at her. And that hurt, knowing that she rated so low on his list of important things that he couldn't even be bothered to find out why she left.

She sniffed against the cold, suddenly aware tears were tracking down her face. She had to think this through. She couldn't go on destroying herself just for the few crumbs he sent her way. She had to stop this before it got too far, before she got to hurt.

"Professor?"

A voice brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up and saw Ginny Weasley coming towards her, bundled up in some many clothes it looked as if she was a ball of black.

"Hello, Ginny." She smiled, hoping the girl wouldn't notice the tear tracks.

She grinned, her red hair contrasting against the black of her hood. Ginny was quite pretty, no wonder Malfoy had fallen for her.

"No Mr. Malfoy today?" she teased her gently.

"I'm going to meet him there, would you mind I walk with you?"

"I'd like that." Meg smiled. "I take it Miss Parkinson is no longer a problem."

Ginny sighed audible and stuck her hands further into her robes.

"It's so difficult miss, he's told her that there's nothing between us, that she got it all wrong. I know it's the best way. We lie low, meet in secret, but it's hard!"

Meg felt sorry for the girl; this was no way to experience the joys of a first love.

"Yes, it must be hard, what are your plans then?"

"I don't know, it's just so awkward, everything is against it; everything, his father, my family. Draco leaves at the end of this year and he says he's going to sort something out, so we only have to wait till I leave next year. But…" she faded out.

Meg thought about it and realised the odds weren't good for them. Even if they managed to keep it a secret till they both left. They would still have to face their families who would most definitely be against a relationship.

"Do you really love him?" she asked her softly.

"Yes, miss." She grinned shyly. "I hated him at first, couldn't stand him. He was so arrogant and pig-headed; he'd call me horrible names."

"So what changed?" Meg was intrigued as far as she knew Draco was still the same.

"He did," she laughed. "I don't know when or how, it just seemed to happen. He'd stare at me an awful lot, I thought he was trying to get me annoyed, but then if he was alone and he saw me in the corridors he was nice, asked me how I was…" She shook her head. "Lame eh?"

Meg thought it was a relationship that probably wouldn't stand the test of time, but then she was biased against Malfoy. She looked down at the younger girl and smiled softly.

"I hope it works the way you want it to."

Ginny grinned at her as they entered Hogsmede.

"I'm going this way." Ginny laughed and waved goodbye as Meg headed for her favourite shop, completely unaware of Pansy behind them.

She entered Honeydukes and sniffed appreciatively, Harry, Ron and a few other students were already there.

"Hello, Miss," they called happily as she moved between the rows of coloured glass bottles, searching out her favourite sweets.

She waved back at them, grinning widely; she could always rely on the smell of this shop to make her feel better. Meg spent a happy afternoon flitting from shop to shop; she spotted Flitwick and Hooch and waved at them.

She walked towards the three broomsticks laden down with her shopping; she'd managed to get a bit of her Christmas shopping done. She found the perfect present for Snape, she just hoped they were still talking long enough for her to give it to him.

She opened the door and stepped inside, it was warm and full of students and teachers all laughing and chattering loudly.

She searched the room first to see if there was an empty chair. Her eyes fell on a window table, there was only one person sitting there. Snape.

She closed her eyes against the pain and biting her lip went back out quietly. He'd come down then. That hurt more than anything, he came to Hogsmede after telling her he wouldn't go with her. How blunt did he have to be?

"Does it hurt?" whispered a soft voice in her ear.

She turned quickly; Dean was shutting the door after coming out behind her.

"Didn't want to come down here with you. Can't blame him of course, you hang all over him. Sickening really." He smiled pleasantly at her, but his eyes were chips of ice.

"I do not," she whispered, her face paler than the snow around them, he was only saying aloud what her heart had already figured out.

"Come of it, Meg," he laughed and linking arms with her lead her back towards the road to Hogwarts.

"I know what you two are up to at night, can't see why, mind you but, well, takes all sorts I suppose."

Meg pulled away from him and stopped.

"Leave me alone Dean…"

"But it's such fun watching you make a fool out of yourself!" he laughed and this time it wasn't pleasantly. "He's going to hurt you, he's going to destroy you because you love him don't you?"

"Let it go," she hissed backing away from him now

"I'm not doing anything, just watching you. He'll never love you. It's just not in him. Megan, he's a Death Eater. He used to eat little girls like you and spit them out afterwards. Why will you be so different? Ask him about his Dark Revels, get him to tell you what he used to do for fun."

"Shut up!" she cried and then lowered her voice realising they could be overheard if anyone passed them. "Severus isn't a Death Eater anymore, hasn't been for a long time. He spied on Voldemort, Dumbledore trusts him!" She was fighting a losing battle against the pain in her chest.

"Maybe…" Dean shrugged. "But once a Death Eater always a Death Eater. He may have conveniently changed sides when the going got tough, but does that really mean his true nature has changed? But then, you're as cold as he is! Anyone who can take someone's life doesn't have a heart to break, do they?" He mock bowed to her and turning walked back into Hogsmede leaving Meg staring at the spot on the ground at her feet.

She closed her eyes; the pain was so great she felt as if she was on fire with it. He knew nothing about Severus. Nothing!

Turning blindly she began to walk back to Hogwarts, lost in her misery, in her pain.

She was halfway there when she heard the shouts. She looked around her and saw two third years shouting and waving beside the river. She went through the trees to see what was going on.

"Goodsbury, what's going on?" She demanded in her best teacher voice. "You should either be in Hogsmede or on the path to Hogwarts."

"Miss…" breathlessly they turned to her, looks of identical fear on their faces.

"What?"

"Tim's stuck!" they cried and pointed to where another third year was perched rather precariously on a tree branch that leaned over the river.

"What on earth? Timothy Drew, what are you doing up there? Get down at once!"

"We were just mucking about, his hat's up there, got caught on the branch." One of them, a girl, looked ready to cry.

Meg went forward to stop under the tree. Timothy was about ten feet above her head.

"Keep still I'll levitate you down!" She called and drew out her wand, but before she could say anything the branch broke and Tim fell into the river below him. The branch fell down on top of her, glancing a blow to her forehead and knocking the wand from her hand into the river.

The edges of the fast flowing river had frozen over. Tim had fallen half on and half into the river. Meg watched in horror as her wand slid across the ice and disappeared below the water.

"Give me a wand!" she yelled at the third years.

"We don't have them!" The girl began to cry in earnest now.

Meg swore and turned back to where Tim was hanging on the edge yelling for help.

"Go and get help from Hogsmede, quickly!" She ordered and struggling out of her robes she slid down the bank to the edge of the river.

"Tim, grab my hand!" She inched out onto the frozen ice holding out her hand. But he couldn't let go of his hold and not be swept into the river.

She got down onto her stomach and lay over the ice, holding out her hands to him, she grabbed a handful of his robes and began to haul him towards her.

"Climb over me!" she ordered him, her breathing heavy as she held his full weight.

He inched up the ice, but their combined weight was too much for the thin ice and it cracked under her.

She gasped in horror and shock as icy water covered her and pulled her downwards. She struggled under him, her head below the surface; her eyes wide open in the murky water. She felt his weight lifted off her as she went under completely; praying he'd crawled up the bank.

She could feel the weight of the water in her clothes pulling her down, her legs kicked frantically. Arms trying desperately to get her head above water. For an instant she lost it, it was nine years ago and it wasn't Tim, it was Sarah. She struggled harder; she had to get to her.

Hands gripped her hair and she was pulled upwards, gasping for air as she broke the surface, she clawed at the ice that was beginning to refreeze.

"Sarah…. Where is she? Did you get her?" She was trying to yell, but her voice came out as a squeak.

"Keep still!" barked a voice that even in her panic she knew to be Snape's.

She was hauled by her hair, till hands came under her arms and she was dragged out of the water and onto the bank, where she lay flat on her back, spluttering the icy water she'd swallowed in shock.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" came an angry voice. "What's wrong with using your wand?"

"Gone…" she spluttered and struggled to her knees. "Is Tim okay?" she demanded, between racking coughs, spluttering more water onto the bank.

"Yes, thanks to you."

"Professor Snape…" she heard another voice and then her robe was flung over her and she heard him conjure a stretcher.

"Come on, get on it!"

She thought he was talking to Tim and didn't move.

"Today, Professor Kincaid, I need to get you back, make sure there's no water in you still!"

Meg looked up; she was so cold now, her teeth were chattering together. She struggled to her feet, aware of his hands on her arms.

"I can walk thank you," she said stiffly. "Where is he?"

"Hillary has taken him on, you really ought to let Severus take you up." Meg saw Filus Flitwick looking very concerned. She blushed profusely; aware of the way she'd lost it and started yelling for Sarah.

"I'm fine really." she coughed again.

"Don't make me use Imperio," Snape growled softly in her ear and all but hauled her on to the stretcher himself.

Meg lay there, huddled onto the stretcher as they began to go back to Hogwarts.

She had to get Snape to stop twice for her to be incredible sick. Each time he had held her till the retching had stopped and then helped her back on to the stretcher.

She was aware of Snape and Flitwick talking quietly to someone else, but she was so tired it was all she could do to keep her eyes open. And then even that was impossible, so she gave into the peaceful darkness that claimed her.

A/N: so what do you think?… I'm not sure if I got a bit carried away there. Hope you enjoyed it though.


	9. Holding

Updated: March 2008.

A/N: Usual disclaimer. I owe nothing, not even my "Harry Potter" books, as technically they're my mums!

* * *

Meg opened her eyes and moaned as pain shot through her forehead. She frowned, raising her hand to her head. Where was she?

"Megan?" a soft voice came somewhere from her right.

She knew that voice, she struggled to remember why she knew that voice. Then it came to her, everything; all at once, where she was, why she was there.

"Madam Pomfrey?" She tried to pull herself up, but a hand gripped her left shoulder gently and prevented her from getting right up.

"Tim? Is Tim alright?" she gasped.

"Yes, child, he's just fine." Poppy Pomfrey's face came into view.

Meg frowned, unless Poppy was extremely long armed, it wasn't her hand holding her down. She looked at the hand on her shoulder and followed the tight, buttoned black coat sleeve, up into black robes and up to Snapes' face.

"Severus!" She blinked, he was sitting beside her in the chair.

"Megan." He arched an eyebrow. "Glad you decided to join us again."

"How long… where is Tim?" She fought against his hand to sit up.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance; but he helped her to sit up against the headboard.

"Tim is doing just fine, he went back to his common room with nothing more than a chill that we dispatched very quickly." Madam Pomfrey was very cheerful as she stood smiling down at Meg.

A slice of irrational fear shot through her that made her heart beat faster, for a few seconds she had thought he was dead.

"He's not…" she shook her head unable to say the words.

"He's not what?" asked Madam Pomfrey frowning in confusion. But Snape knew what she was trying to say.

"No, Megan, he's not, although he would be if I could get hold of him. Stupid damn trick to pull," he snorted. "Which brings me to your rather fool hardy exploits."

Meg closed her eyes, not wanting to hear the verbal bashing she was sure he was going to give her.

"Please, Severus, just go," she whispered.

Snape's hand left her shoulder instantly and he stood up quickly.

"As you wish," he murmured and clutching his robes to him he swept out of the room.

Meg bit her lip hard. She didn't want him to go she wanted him to pull her close, stroke her hair and tell her that things were okay. She was caught in her nightmare, with no way out.

"Is your head hurting?" asked Poppy softly.

"Yes… no… yes… I sent him away," she groaned, talking more to herself that Poppy.

"Yes, you did." Poppy sat on the edge of her bed. "Severus has been here since you were brought in early this morning. He hasn't left your side once."

Meg stared at the older woman in disbelief.

"I tried to send him away but he wasn't having any of it."

"Why would he do that?"

"I think that's something you should ask him," she smiled and then stood up.

"Let me get you one of your own potions…" She grinned and disappeared out of the ward, leaving Meg still staring at where Snape had sat.

She was struggling with her thoughts and emotions. Half of her wanted to bawl her eyes out, the other half wanted to get out of the bed and go and find him, demand why he had sat with her. She was confused, so confused. He gave no indication that he felt anymore than a mild liking for her. Had never even suggested anything else; so why had he sat with her?

Her thoughts were broken by Poppy coming back with a glass of headache cure.

She thanked her and drank it down.

"Can I get up and go to my rooms yet?" she asked, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Not yet." Poppy pushed her back, but Meg needed to see Severus.

"I have to get up and…"

"Listen to Poppy," came the soft voice of Dumbledore.

Meg looked up to see the headmaster coming into the room, closely followed by a very annoyed looking Snape.

"But I feel fine," she muttered, letting Poppy draw the covers back over her.

"Just for tonight; you did get a blow to your head from the branch," Poppy said and left the ward once again.

Meg kept her eyes on the edge of the blankets, unable to meet either man's eyes.

"How are you feeling?" asked Dumbledore quietly, he stood at the end of her bed. Snape was just a little to his left and behind him.

"Fine, thank you," she replied, her voice even and under-control.

"You were very brave yesterday," he continued, Meg gave a very impressive Snape Snort, making him chuckle.

The headache cure was kicking in and Meg was able to bring her head up slightly, her face an impassive mask.

"Any of the professors would have had the foresight not to get right under the branch before trying to get him down," her voice was cool and aloof, her resolve and control firmly in place.

"Maybe, maybe not. Everything has resolved itself," he nodded his head.

Meg shook her head, and just covered herself by sitting higher in the bed; she didn't need either man to notice just how badly she was coping.

"Will you be okay for tomorrow? Severus has informed me he's willing to cover for you if it's needed," Dumbledore watched Meg closely.

"No, thank you… I'll be fine," she said quickly and then making herself look at Snape she tried to smile and failed badly.

He regarded her with cold black eyes.

"Right, well then, get some sleep and we'll see you tomorrow." Dumbledore rubbed his hands together and left the ward, Snape on his heels.

"Severus…" His name left her lips before she could stop herself.

He stopped and turned; Dumbledore carried on and shut the door behind him leaving them alone.

He didn't say anything just watched her with those fathomless eyes of his.

"I… um… I was wondering…" Meg cleared her throat. Damn the man! Why did he have to have this affect on her; how could he make her feel like some silly teenager again?

He made no move towards the bed and no move to help her with what she was trying to say.

"Er… that is… thank you for hauling me out of that river. Even if it was by my hair," she couldn't help but add. She could still feel the slight pain from where he'd pulled her so hard.

"You're welcome," he nodded his head slightly, his eyes half-closed.

"Oh, hell!" Meg shoved the covers back and tried to sit on the edge of the bed.

"What the…" Her legs were weaker than she thought and she felt herself slide to the floor in a heap of nightgown. She gripped the side of the bed just as Snape appeared beside her.

"Grovelling again, Professor Kincaid?" he smirked before reaching down and hoisting her to her feet and then dumping her not too gently back onto the bed.

"I do not grovel!" she informed him haughtily.

"Of course not." He sat on the chair again and folded his arms. "You just love sprawling on the ground at my feet."

"Flatter yourself much, Severus?" she asked him sweetly and then sighed as the potion began to make her sleepy.

"Go to sleep, Megan. Your brain can't cope with it all."

"I don't have one," she replied her eyes closing… but she had to say something.

"Severus…"

"I'm here," came his voice from far away; she could feel the covers being tucked in around her, a gentle hand sweeping her hair away from her face.

"Stay with me?" Her brain all but switched off. The softly spoken words seemed like a dream. But they lay there in the air between them.

"For as long as you want me."

* * *

"You didn't even try!" It was a sharp scream. "You just watched… you just watched him drown… like you watched me!"

"No!" Meg tried hard to get away from the clawing hands of Sarah, but no matter how hard she tried she could feel the icy cold hands pulling her towards the frozen lake. She was forced to her knees, her head shoved downwards towards the hole in the ice. The ice changed… cracked and floated wide before reforming.

"Severus!" He was floating face upward under the water, his eyes wide open, his face contorted in pain.

"You killed him… you killed us all!" The words rattled around her brain.

"No…" her own scream woke her, cold sweat dripping down her body, her eyes blind in the darkness made her sit up quickly, her hand stretching out for her wand. She had to save Severus.

Her hand connected with a water jar and she sent it flying of the table onto the floor.

"Gods… what?… Luminos!" Light filled the small space around her bed and Meg stared round her in wide-eyed fright.

She had to get away… go now. She tried to get out of the bed, but got tangled in the sheets.

"Megan!" A sharp voice made her look round again, her face pale in fear, her hair soaking, hanging limply over her face.

"Severus!" She realised he was alive and she'd just been dreaming again; she began to sob. It had been a dream, just another damn dream. She clambered over the covers and onto his lap, not caring if he didn't want to hold her. She needed to feel him, make sure he was alive. She wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face in his shoulder and cried noisily.

"Sssh." He stroked her back and her hair, holding her tightly. "You'll wake Poppy."

Meg didn't register his words, just the tone of them, and the soft movements of his hands. It took her several minutes to calm down as she lay in his arms, soaking up his warmth, his strength.

"I suppose I'm soaking wet now, too?" came a dry voice that held a touch of humour in it.

"Just a little…" She sat up sniffing. "I'm sorry, used you like a giant hanky…"

"I've been used for worse things," he replied and reluctantly let her slip of his lap and back onto the bed.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked finally, after several minutes of quiet hiccupping.

She sat cross-legged on the bed, her nightgown drawn down over her knees. She shrugged.

"It's just the usual, nothing to write home about." She felt silly now, silly and childish; all she wanted to do was close her eyes and forget everything that had happened.

She heard him snort softly and looked up. He was sitting with his knees wide apart, his elbows resting on them, hands hanging limply between his legs. It was probably the most relaxed pose she'd ever seen in him while he was awake. His hair hung forward as he kept his head down slightly; but his eyes were still on her.

"Megan! When are you going to stop fooling yourself and admit it?"

"Admit what?"

"That you can't cope."

"I can too!" she replied hotly.

"No, you can't." He shook his head. "If you could cope you wouldn't still be having nightmares, wouldn't be leaving my room at some ungodly hour to get away from them."

"I don't leave to get away from them," she denied instantly and then regretted it, biting her lip she sighed.

"What do you run from then? Me?" He arched an eyebrow at her.

"Sort of," she admitted.

He didn't register anything on his face; his eyes gave nothing away but he sat back, his earlier relaxed attitude disappeared and he sat stiff, arms folded.

Meg shook her head, it would probably be the last thing she should do, but she had to say it, had to tell him the truth.

"Severus, I leave because if I stay…" She sat up on her knees, begging him to understand with her eyes. "I'm clingy, Severus. I won't deny it; and when I wake up terrified, all I want to do is creep into your arms, hear you tell me things are gonna be okay, I want for you to just hold me…" she faded out and sank back.

"So, why don't you creep into my arms?" he asked her, still sitting stiffly with his arms folded.

Meg snorted and shook her head.

"Severus, you can't bear me to touch you; can't bear anyone to touch you. You lie on the bed so far apart from me that I'm pretty certain if I moved too quickly you'd fall right off!"

Snape stood up, not saying a word, he leant forward and scooping her over the bed slightly he sat down beside her and then lay down.

"I won't fall off tonight I promise you," he said softly and settled her down till she was lying on her side curled with her back against him, every part of her melded to his body.

He drew the blanket up over her and then muttering quietly the light went out. He slipped one arm around her waist, pulling her closer, his other hand he tangled into her hair gently, aware it was still painful where he'd pulled it.

"Go to sleep, Megan, I won't let you go."

Meg lay in his arms, feeling safe and secure. She tucked her hands onto his arm around her waist and stroked his arm.

"I thought you didn't cuddle." She couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"I don't. I'm holding you," he replied, his warm breath stirring her hair.

"Thank you." She snuggled closer and closing her eyes drifted to sleep easily.

* * *

Poppy came breezing into the ward quite early. She stopped short as she saw them spooned together on the small bed, both of them fast asleep still.

She pursed her lips; she shouldn't really allow that to happen. She took a step forward.

"Leave them, Poppy."

"Albus!" Poppy turned and saw the headmaster in the doorway, a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face.

Poppy raised an eyebrow and followed him back out of the ward, shutting the door softly.

"I had no idea he'd come back in."

"He never really left," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "And about time too."

Poppy smiled and nodded towards her office.

"Tea, Albus?"

"Wonderful idea," he replied and followed her in.

Nothing was said to either of them and neither of them spoke about it to each other. But after that night Megan spent her nights with him, staying till morning and when her dreams haunted her as they often did, she crept across the bed and shake him gently.

He'd turn, sometimes still asleep, sometimes he'd wake, but every time he'd wrap her into his arms and hold her till morning.

Megan opened her door and went in smiling.

"Morning everyone," she called and went to her desk to look out over the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins.

"I know we've only a few days till the long awaited trip into Diagon Alley and then the Yule ball and then of course the holidays." She grinned at the excitement on their faces.

"So I don't suppose there's much hope of expecting any decent work to be done."

They laughed; even the grouchiest Slytherins gave a few snorts.

"So instead of trying to drive potions into your festive stuffed heads, you're going spend the afternoon outdoors."

She waited while the cries of delight died down. She reached for her woollen cloak.

"There is a catch of course; I need several supplies from Professor Sprout. She'll have them already for us, so all we have to do is collect them and bring them back here, right come on then you lot, up you get."

She watched the children file ahead of her as they left the dungeons. They were half way out the main doors when Dean came down the stairs.

"More Boggarts, Professor Kincaid?" he said slyly as he caught up with her. He fell into step with her.

Meg bristled, but outwardly remained impassive.

"Supplies from Sally actually," she replied smoothly, her eyes on the laughing students in front of her.

"Hope you didn't get any chills from the other day," he said softly, a wide beaming smile on his face as he waved at several of the students who had turned to say hello to him.

"No," she shook her head, the familiar feeling of heaviness settling in the pit of her stomach.

"Shame." He began to whistle tunelessly under his breath.

"I was just in time to see Snape doing his heroic bit and drag you out by your hair! I actually winced, had to hurt." He looked sideways at her, a little crack beginning to show in her usually impassive face.

"Mind you, just as well it was Snape and Flitwick that showed up; I'd have waved as you went under."

Megan stopped, breathing hard, any composure gone now.

"And that what's makes us so different, Dean," she snapped and hurried on ahead, leaving him laughing after her.

Meg struggled to get herself under control, her temper high.

She herded the students down to the greenhouses and then back to the dungeons; once the supplies were all put away she dismissed them and went in search of a strong coffee in the staff room.

She was the only one there; most classes still had five or ten minutes to run. She briefly wondered what kind of chaos her own class would be wrecking, but figured they'd probably head back outside into the snow.

She was on her third cup of coffee when the other professors started to come in.

"Roll on the holidays," Hillary Hooch sighed as she came in with Minerva.

"Meg, you're early," Minerva said sharply but not unkindly.

"Let them go early; to busy dreaming of snowball fights than potions."

Hillary laughed and sat down beside her.

"Good job on Tim by the way," she said lightly and quickly before pouring coffee for her and Minerva.

"Yes," Minerva replied and reached down to the pile of magazines stacked on the coffee table in front of the fire.

"Look…" she cried. "Can you believe it? Gilderoy Lockhart," she laughed and held out the copy of witch weekly.

Gilderoy was smiling and waving at them, while preening his hair. His robes were a brilliant pink.

"I thought he'd lost his memory," Hillary sniggered.

"Listen… "My amazing brush with death"" She flipped the magazine open and found the right page, which was filled with lots of pictures of Lockhart in varying stages of posing, each picture he wore a different colour of robe.

"It began when I found myself in a highly dangerous situation… "

"He'd lost his hair rollers," Hillary whispered, making them all laugh.

"Listen… I fought bravely as only I can…'how true'…. But even I, brave and strong with many years' experience in the Dark Arts couldn't stand against the terrifying experience of a rock fall deep under ground Hogwarts. Risking my life I had unselfishly entered the underground lair of a Basilisk to save three students… but… I was caught in a rock fall and my memory was severally impaired."

"Shame it wasn't our memories of him that was removed too," came a dry voice.

Meg looked up to see Snape coming in with a look of utter disgust on his face.

"Oh how true…" Hillary agreed. "Mind you, you have to admit, the man was an excellent way to have a good laugh… that was a bad year."

"Only made worse by his presence," Minerva agreed.

"It had to be Valentine's day though…" Hillary went off into peels of laughter.

Snape made a face as if he was in agony.

"Horrendous," he shuddered and sank down into a chair by the fire.

"I missed that," Meg said regretfully. "I would love to have seen it."

"You missed nothing, believe me. You are in the enviable position of not being haunted by images of red hearts floating…" he shuddered again unable to go on.

"Oh come now, Severus… it was fun. Three quarters of the female student body fell for him."

"Which just goes to prove how idiocy is inherent in woman," he murmured, dodging the magazine which was aimed at his head by Hillary.

"Professor Hooch, please restrain yourself," he snapped.

"Insulting git," she laughed, not in the least bit fazed by his words.

"Well, I wouldn't have fallen for him." Meg announced retrieving the magazine to go back to the page.

"He lectured on one of our seminars on how to teach unruly students," she sniggered at the memory. "He was so preoccupied with his hair that he didn't see Evan Caskil put an inflating charm on his robes; he went up like a balloon, right up in the air, squealing like a stuck pig. Don't think I've ever laughed so much."

"Now that's something I would like to see," Hillary laughed.

"It took them ages getting him down. He was so worried he'd fall and damage his robes that they had to wait for the charm to wear off, he just came floating down like an oversized lemon; he had these horrendous robes of sunshine yellow." She shuddered as she remembered. "Made our year, I don't think I've seen so many drawings of floating lemons appear in such a short space of time, complete with hair in rollers and ludicrous grin."

Minerva was laughing into her coffee cup; even Snape had a tiny smile flittering across his mouth.

"Happy thought," he remarked dryly.

"Don't suppose you have a copy?" asked Hillary.

"I don't know, it was a few years ago now, well before this memory loss business. It's taken him a while to get his story in about regaining his memory, hasn't it?"

"No, this is a revised version; the same information just rehashed and re- arranged with more pictures." Minerva informed her.

"Sunshine yellow not your colour then?" Hillary asked Meg innocently, but her eyes twinkled.

"Heavens no… if he ever had any success in fighting off evil, it was because they'd run at the truly terrifying site of him brandishing curling tongs." She shuddered again.

Snape snorted in amusement and got up to get another cup of coffee. The door opened and Dean came in, looking a bit worn out.

"Bloody tower room is so hot I end up asleep quicker than the bloody kids," he moaned and headed straight for the coffee.

Meg stiffened and hid her head in the magazine, pretending to read about Lockhart.

"Trying putting out the fire," suggested Snape silkily, a hint of mockery in his voice.

"I have! I think the woman has the damn room charmed to produce its own heat," he whinged and taking his cup came and sat beside Meg.

"Drooling over, Lockhart?" he said slyly. "Didn't know you still liked him."

"I never did," she mumbled, not raising her head.

"You met him too?" asked Hillary, they were all aware of the awkward atmosphere in the staff room, although Minerva was the only one who remembered the incident that caused it.

"No, my sister had the hots for him; he was only a couple of years older than her, he liked her as well. Might have gone somewhere given the chance."

Meg knocked her cup in her haste to get to her feet.

"I left my cauldron…somewhere," she mumbled and headed out the room so fast it looked like her feet were on fire.

"Stop baiting her," she heard Minerva's sharp voice as she opened the door.

"Megan…" she heard Snape's deep voice but she just had to get out.

Meg shut the door and started down the staircase.

"Don't run away, it's what he wants," came a deep voice from behind her.

She stopped and turned to see Snape coming towards her.

She closed her eyes briefly and plastered a cheerful smile on her face.

"What? I'm not running away… have to get..."

"You can't pull one over on me, remember?" he cut her of. "Come with me."

"Where?" she asked but fell into step with him as he began to go down the staircase.

"You'll see," he replied.

Meg frowned but followed him towards the dungeons.

He led her into his study and sat her down. She watched him go to his cupboard and draw out a box. He set it on the table in front of her.

"Use it, Megan," his voice was soft, but booked no argument

She reached into the box and brought out an unused pensieve.

"I don't…" she pushed it away, but he merely pushed it back again.

"Use it! I'll go out, or I'll stay with you, whatever you want. But use it."

Megan bit her lip, and looked up at him pleading.

"Don't make me do this," she whispered.

He sat down opposite her and linked his fingers together on the table.

"Albus recommended one for me…" He shifted uncomfortable about saying it out loud. "You'll still have your memories, they just won't be in the front of your mind all the time. They won't loose the ability to make you hurt, but they won't be the first thing you think of when you wake up, or the last thing you think of before you go to sleep." He waited for her.

She drew her wand out with a shaky hand, looking up at him.

"Stay with me, please?" she asked, her voice wavering.

He nodded his head once and she sighed, it was all she needed.

She pointed the wand to her head and a thin stream of wispy thread came away.

She placed the thread in the bowl and watched as the memories of that day and the days that followed swirled around and around.

She was shaking hard and sweating when finally the threads settled.

"Do you want me to look after this?" he asked her, indicating the bowl.

"Please," she sighed and sank her head down on to her arms as he put the bowl carefully into the cupboard.

"Severus, thank you," she muttered.

"You're welcome. Feel up to going to lunch?" he asked her quietly.

"Oh, yeah." Her smile was watery but there.

He smirked and went to the door.

"I'm relieved to see that your appetite is unaffected," he said dryly

She laughed and stood up, her legs a bit shaky, but he was right, it was the first time she felt free, light-hearted. She followed him to the hall and just before they went in she put her hand on his arm, he stopped looking down at her, one eyebrow rose.

"Severus, I have to tell you this; I'm sorry if it bothers you, but the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up is you. Has been for quite a while now."

She half smiled, shrugged and went on in.

Snape stared after her, his brows drawn together.

He frowned deeper, was she saying what he thought she was?

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story.

Thanks also to everyone who has read this story regardless whether you review or not.

Helena Darjeeling for reviewing twice. Thanks for coming back to read more.

Grizziestar : Thanks for suggesting they have a cuddle… I still can't see Snape being the demonstrative sort but I hope you liked how he handled it. He will be getting a tad more open with his affections later. I hope.

I


	10. Running

Updated: March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer…… Don't own anything from the Harry Potter world, just like to play with Severus occasionally, but then who of us doesn't ;-)

* * *

_She wakes up and thinks of me?_

Snape didn't move from the doorway, he just watched as she made her way up through the tables, stopping to speak to a third year student briefly before going to sit down.

_She wakes up and thinks of me?_

He shook his head and snorted in self-derision.

_Probably because I'm usually lying on her hair._

He smirked slightly as he thought of how she'd woken him up the other morning with a squeal. She'd tried to sit up, but his arm had been lying on her hair, pinning her down.

He began to walk forward thinking hard.

_But then, she said I'm the last thing she thinks of before she goes to sleep_

He frowned at his thought process; another snort escaped him without him even realising it.

_But then that's probably because most nights before going to sleep, we do quite a lot of damage to each others self-control. Well, I seem to have trouble with mine anyway_

He snorted again as he sat down beside her.

* * *

Meg was chewing a mouthful of sausage as he sat down snorting and it made her sigh inwardly, why did she have to go and ruin it?

He was probably now sitting there wondering how to let her down gently. She sighed again. He probably wouldn't even try and be gentle…

"I'm supposed to be watching around the Quidditch pitch after lunch." He spoke without thinking, a very rare thing for him to do. His own eyebrows rose as he wondered what possessed him to say that. Might as well go the whole way and ask her to go with him.

"That's nice," she murmured her mouth still full.

"Would you…" he stopped and set his knife and fork down with a clatter, annoyed at himself, annoyed with her for putting him in this ridiculous situation

"Would I what?" she asked looking at him in surprise.

"Would you come with me?" he finally asked, his face dark and unreadable.

"Don't fancy facing all those horrible kids alone?" She couldn't help but tease him. It seemed a part of her was surely masochistic; why else would she leave herself open to his sarcasm.

"Would anyone in their right mind?" his lips quirked slightly.

"You do realise that you've just admitted you're not in your right mind," she grinned, pleasantly surprised to see him nearly smile.

"How do you work that one out, Professor?"

"Well, you chose to become a teacher, therefore, by that choice, you're not in your right mind, else you'd be doing something else, somewhere else away from these horrible kids."

He did smile this time, albeit very briefly, but it was there. It crossed his mind to tell her that he'd rather have her in his rooms for several hours than do anything.

She set her own knife and fork down.

"C'mon then, I'll guard you." She grinned and stood up, taking a bread roll with her.

"Can't I eat lunch either?" he asked dryly, only half way through his food.

"Of course you can," she smiled. "I just need to get something from my rooms." She backed away from the table, pushed along by some devil on her shoulder she stopped and winked.

"One, main entrance, don't be late." She did her best impression of his voice and grinning swept out of the hall.

He chuckled as his eyes followed her all the way. Anyone else who tried to blatantly take the mickey like that would get an ear full of his most biting sarcasm.

He smirked down at his sausage as he remembered how even his most biting sarcasm had never put her off. The very first time he'd kissed her, there had been fear in her eyes as she'd defended Longbottom. He'd scared her, but she'd stood up to him.

Maybe that was part of the attraction he felt for her, the fact that she didn't easily knuckle under. Although he'd quickly figured out exactly where on her neck he could kiss her to get her to forget what she was saying. He smirked arrogantly at that thought.

He finished the last of his tea and sat staring down into the leaves at the bottom. He didn't try to read the leaves, just watched them swirl. He didn't and never would have much faith in that area of magic.

He thought back over everything that she'd let him see in her pensieve. He had seen nothing to even consider it being anything other than an accident.

She hadn't been much different to look at; her hair was shorter, her figure still clinging to the adolescent stage and even then he'd found her attractive. He wondered what she'd be like today had that accident never happened; if time could be turned back and events changed.

That was something he, of all people, knew just wasn't possible. The things he'd change. But it was all with hindsight. He knew that if time went backwards Sarah would have died just the same, and he would have still gone into Voldemorts service.

Only if he could go back in time with the same knowledge that he carried today would events change. If Megan as the person she was now went back then Sarah would be alive. But the seventeen year old she'd been then wouldn't change anything. Just like him, she'd been blind to her own faults. With him it had been the darkness in him. He'd thought he could control it and he couldn't. With Meg it had been the arrogance of youth, the unswerving faith in her own immortality and those around her. The inability to see danger until it was too late.

He had done far worse things, knowing ahead of time what the outcome would be. He'd brewed potions knowing the effect they would have on someone. And he had still gone ahead and brewed them. He'd attended Dark Revels, participated in a few… knowing how they would end. His hands were covered in blood. Innocent blood. He'd never be able to atone for what he'd done. Never.

So do I mention it?

Snape was walking, or patrolling, as he preferred to think of it, the Quidditch pitch area with Meg beside him.

He wasn't listening to her prattling on about something or other.

"So you see if I can get a couple of days….."

"What did you mean earlier?" Snape cut her off mid sentence not even registering she was actually saying anything in the first place.

"Well it's this place that sells some pretty near the mark potions that are a little, well, illegal…."

"No… before we went into the great hall…" he stopped suddenly, glaring down at her "What's illegal?" he demanded as her words sank in.

"I didn't think you were listening to me," she said softly and carried on walking, her head bowed slightly.

He watched her walk on frowning, not at all certain he should be pushing this. Not certain he wanted to know her answer anyway.

"Professor Kincaid…" he called her name and watched her stop.

He caught up with her and stood there, his hands buried deep in the sleeves of his cloak, his mittens not doing much to keep his fingers warm.

"Severus, I'm sorry. Sometimes I could cut off my tongue," her voice was low, sorrowful.

"Why would you say that," he asked her slowly, deeply.

Meg didn't say anything; she kept her eyes on his cloak and scarf.

"Tell me… please." He didn't understand why, but now he had to know. He looked down at her; she was short enough to fit just under his chin. He studied the way her hood hid most of her hair. He liked touching her hair, it wasn't oily like his, in comparison it was quite dry, and he'd seen her picking at what she called split-ends. Even the colour was odd, stuck somewhere between red and blonde. But it felt and smelt wonderful. He liked to bury his face in her hair and just hold her…

"Did you hear me?" she was looking up at him now, a slight frown on her face.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I was…"

"Miles away," she smiled.

He raised his eyebrows at her, and nodded slightly, he looked down at her mouth and wanted to lean down and kiss her. It didn't seem to make any difference how many times he made love to this woman, how many times he kissed her, it was never enough; and this made him vulnerable and guilty. She may have no idea what kind of man he was, but he knew. Knew he had no right to ask anything from her, least of all to be as intimate as they had been.

He had no right wanting her. No right expecting her to stay with a man like him. A man with his past. But he was selfish as well. He wanted her and while she was willing, he would make no move to stop it. He couldn't hope for more than that, he wouldn't hope for more.

"Severus… why do you insist on asking questions when you won't listen to the answers?" she cut in again impatiently.

"Why do you let me touch you?" he asked her bluntly, his face hard, cold. His eyes dark and unreadable.

"What?" she was taken aback by his question, he could see that.

"Why do you let me touch you?" he didn't blink as he watched her face closely. "Do you know who I am? Who I really am?"

"Severus… what are you doing?" she asked and he heard the slight tremor of fear and uncertainty. Damn him for asking her that.

"Severus, you're scaring me," she whispered.

"You should go in," he replied and turned. "I can manage on my own from here," he said curtly and walked away towards the Quidditch pitch.

Meg stood staring after him, her face showing her confusion and her hurt.

* * *

"Draco Malfoy sat with his back to the wall, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arm around Ginny. She was reading a muggle children's book to him. Hermione had given it to her when she'd found out that Ginny had never heard of it. Ginny had loved it, every word of it.

Draco had never heard of it either. His father did not allow muggle books in the house. So Ginny had told him to sit and listen to her…

"… _and even if my head would go through," thought poor Alice, "it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin."_

"Are you sure this girl isn't on some sort of illegal potion…" Malfoy snorted dryly, his eyes shut against the afternoon sun.

"Alice isn't… but I'm not sure about the writer though," Ginny laughed. "Do you want me to read this to you or not?"

"Do I have a choice?" Malfoy opened pale blue eyes and looked at his girlfriend of nearly six months.

"Of course you have a choice… everyone does," she said softly, closing the book in her hands.

"Some people don't," he disagreed closing his eyes again.

"You did… you choice to be with me," she pointed out.

"You bewitched me," he replied softly. "I fell for you hard without even knowing it. There were no choices. Same as I have no choice in keeping it quiet."

"Draco, it doesn't matter really, things have a way of working themselves out." She rested her head against his shoulder. "There's that muggle saying that Hermione keeps using "It'll all come out in the wash"

Draco laughed, opening his eyes again to kiss her quickly on her head.

"Yeah, but will it have shrunk or changed colour in the meantime!" he chuckled.

"You're impossible. Now shut up and listen to the story."

Ginny opened the book and carried on in her low gentle voice, reading softly for several minutes.

"…. ._However, this bottle was not marked "poison," so Alice ventured to taste it, and…."_

"And then realised, when her nose fell off, that drinking unknown substances is an extremely stupid act; even if the word poison isn't to be found on the label. Nice reading, Miss Weasley," came the slow mocking drawl of Snape.

Ginny jumped, the book going flying. Malfoy got to his feet pulling Ginny up with him.

Snape bent and picked up the book, turning it over and over in his hands, his black eyes boring into them both.

"Didn't realise you liked children's stories, Mister Malfoy," sneered Snape at them. "Want to tell me why both of you are out of class early?" he suggested in a tone that didn't allow for them to say no.

"Professor Kincaid, let us go early… again," Malfoy said slyly.

"And so did, Professor Rider," Ginny managed to stammer

"Really? Fell asleep again I suppose," he said quietly, his black eyes glittering dangerously. "And is being allowed out early a common occurrence with Professors Rider and Kincaid?" he asked silkily.

"Yes, fairly regularly," he replied, keeping his tone light and even, really hoping that Snape would go and give them both hell instead of him and Ginny.

Snape didn't comment on that just folded his arms still holding the book. He narrowed his eyes at them both.

"Five points from both houses for cluttering up the pathway, now get inside."

Malfoy opened his mouth to complain but saw the dangerous glint in Snape's eyes and wisely shut it again.

"Can I have me book back please sir?" Ginny managed, her face now matching her hair.

Snape sneered at her and held out the book.

She took the book as Draco caught her other hand and they all but ran back inside.

"Two points from Slytherin Miss Parkinson, for eavesdropping," he replied silkily without even turning. He heard the girl approach a couple of minutes ago, trying to keep out of sight.

"I didn't mean… to… eavesdrop."

He turned and saw her standing by the wall, looking even pastier faced than usual.

"Is he seeing… is…"

Snape watched the play of emotions across her face, disbelief, hurt and then finally anger.

"He lied to me…" She turned and went back the way she'd come, almost stomping.

Snape couldn't help grinning nastily. He could envisage all hell breaking out when this little bit of news got out. He turned again and headed towards the staff room.

Dean Rider was sat at the table, coffee cup in hand, when Snape walked in. He looked up and rolled his eyes before going back to the paper he had on his lap.

"Ah there you are Severus!" Hillary looked up from where she was working out Quidditch practise schedules. "Looking forward to next week?"

"Taking a load of completely unruly children into Diagon Alley is not my idea of fun," he replied as he helped himself to some coffee and sat in his usual seat by the fire.

"Well, you know the best of it, don't you?" she laughed.

"I dread to think," he intoned.

"You'll have to referee the day I'm going to Diagon Alley."

"Whose playing?"

"Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff so you won't even have a chance of playing the favourite," she said sweetly.

"I don't have favourites," he replied, dragging a stool closer to him and propping his feet up onto it, he settled back in the chair.

"No, of course not, did I mention I'm joining a convent next week?" Hillary replied innocently. Snape gave a quick laugh.

"The day you enter a convent the world will have ended."

Hillary threw her ruler at him, which he caught and tossed straight back at her.

Dean watched the whole thing quietly. He'd been mistaken. He'd assumed that because Snape was an evil bastard inside the classroom that he'd treat the staff the same. But he didn't. He still wasn't Mister Friendly and obviously kept himself to himself, but the others obviously respected him and thought of him as their friend.

He didn't like Snape. Not at all. He knew that he and Meg were more than close. He suspected that half the staff, if not all of them, also knew, which was a testimony to the man. In his school they'd have come in for quite a bit of ribbing by now. But then again, they didn't have any Death Eaters in their school. Maybe they were just too damn afraid of him. He didn't think that was the case though.

He decided to test the waters slightly… couldn't let his Meg have all the fun.

"How's Meg?" he asked casually. Hillary froze, cup half way to her mouth. She looked across at Snape.

"I haven't seen her…" Hillary jumped in quickly recovering herself. Snape didn't moved besides sipping his coffee. He looked totally unmoved.

"No… but you see her quite a bit, don't you?" Dean said to Snape directly.

"Yes." Snape nodded. "But I have no idea where she is," his voice was cool, impersonal.

The door opened and Meg came in, her cloak in one hand, her bag in her other.

She didn't see Snape sat in the high backed chair facing away from her.

"Hey… oh Dean," she stopped, slightly flustered and then got herself under control quickly. "Anyone seen Minerva?"

"In the hall trying desperately to organise this outing next week." Hillary said and went back to her schedule.

"Right… um… okay… see you Monday then!"

"Going somewhere?" asked Dean softly, he knew she had no idea Snape was sat there.

"Er… home. I need to sort some things out." She backed up slightly and smiled brightly. "Well, I'd better get going, I'll miss the train otherwise."

Hillary's head shot up, her eyes full of concern and a little bit of horror.

"You're not flying to the train station are you?"

Meg laughed and shook her head.

"Heavens no… I want to get there in one piece! I'm gonna walk outside of Hogwarts and then apparate, which is why I have to get going now. Have a nice weekend"

"Anyone going with you?" asked Dean casually, he gave Snape a furtive glance, but his face gave nothing away as he stared into his coffee.

Hillary began to clear her throat widely, trying to get Meg to realise Snape was sat in the chair.

"No." Meg frowned puzzled by his question; she gave Hillary a quick glance who seemed to be choking on something.

"You okay?" Hillary shook her head from side to side, her eyes still frantically trying to communicate to Meg to look to her left.

"I'd have thought Snape would be going with you," he said slyly.

Snape whipped his head round to glare at Dean, but he was looking at Meg still.

"Why would you think that?" she asked coldly. "Severus doesn't exactly come across as the type you take home to meet your parents, does he? Oh look I haven't got time for your games now!" She went out banging the door behind her.

"That was too much Dean," Hillary hissed, her eyes on Snape who was still sitting impassively.

"Why would you think it would upset me, Rider?" he asked silkily. Dean felt a tremor of uneasiness go over him, but he shrugged it off and sat up straight.

"I wasn't trying to upset you," he said honestly, he didn't care about Snape, all he cared about was making Meg pay.

Snape stared at him and frowned.

"Don't do anything you may regret," he whispered before standing up smoothly.

"Are you threatening me?" asked Dean in mock horror.

"No, just advising you." He walked to the door and went out closing it quietly behind him.

Snape was livid, absolutely livid. He swept down hallways, growling at anything that moved. Single-handedly he removed a total of two hundred points from unsuspecting students.

He banged his way into the great hall where Minerva sat with Dumbledore going through the last minute details of the trip.

"Ah! Severus," Dumbledore smiled at him. "She's just left, if you're quick, you'll catch up with her before she gets too far."

Snapes eyebrows rose, but he didn't waste anytime wondering how, once again, the headmaster seemed to know everything that went on.

He thanked him and left the hall quickly. He didn't stop, just headed straight out into the snow. It had started to fall again and although it was warmer now it was snowing, he still felt the cold. He conjured his cloak with a flick of his wand and kept on walking as he put it on. He headed down to the gates that ended the apparating barrier. Meg was nowhere to be seen so he figured she was at the station already.

He walked quickly and the second he was over the barrier he apparated.

Meg sat on her bag in the middle of the platform. She was ten minutes early but that was just fine. She put another chocolate raisin in her mouth and sighed. She had to get away; couldn't face the thought of seeing Snape. She'd told Dean and Hillary she had some things to sort out and she did; her mind.

She had to give it serious thought. Decide if she was willing to let him hurt her. Or decide to call it a day. She shoved a few more raisins into her mouth and stared dolefully down at the almost empty bag. She'd had a full bag five minutes ago. Oh well. Nothing lasts forever.

"Do you ever stop eating?" came a dangerously low voice. "I'm inclined to think you have shares in the food industry!"

She jumped, the few remaining raisins spilling onto the floor. She screwed the bag up in anger.

"Severus! They were all I had left," she cried out, she stared at the raisins and felt as if her whole world had collapsed around her.

"I'm quite sure you'll be able to get some more on the train." He came to stand beside her. "When exactly where you going to tell me you were going away this weekend?""

Meg felt anger well up inside her and spill over.

"I wasn't aware I answered to you!" she spat, refusing to look any further than his scuffed black shoes.

"You don't. I was referring to that little thing you seemed to know nothing about; courtesy." His voice was so cold, she was sure he could freeze the lake all by himself.

"Courtesy?" she laughed nastily. "That's rich coming from the man who all but told me to get lost." She refused to get up, refused to look past his shoes. Abstractly wondering why he didn't clean them more.

She heard him sigh but still refused to look up.

"I didn't mean it quite like that," he said softly, his voice like black velvet. But Meg wasn't going to let him win again.

"Don't lie, Severus, you very rarely say something you don't mean. That's why you're the hardest man I've met. When you say things to hurt; you really mean it."

"I'm not lying. I don't lie!" he huffed, sounding offended.

"What are you doing here? Making sure I get on the train okay?" She bit her lip. Her form of self-defence was likely to get him quite annoyed. She risked a quick glance at his dark hard face and sighed as she realised he was already annoyed with her.

"Sometimes, Professor Kincaid, the urge to put you over my knee is very strong." His voice was so deep and slow that Meg knew he was at his most dangerous. Self-preservation alone should make her tread carefully, but she'd never been one to be able to keep her mouth shut.

"I'd like to see you try," she spat and was instantly shaken into regretting it as he gripped her arm and hauled her to her feet.

He forced her to look up at him, his fingers biting deeply into her chin.

"If you continue to act like a child I will be forced to treat you like one," he hissed. "I asked a simple question which you refused to answer; so let's try another. Why are you running away?"

"I am not running away."

"I thought you were an adult, you have a problem with us then you talk to me about it, don't run at the first sign of…"

"Us?" she cried at him. "Us? Since when has there been any bloody us? You blow hot and cold Severus, I have no idea if I'm coming or going with you, and don't you dare get crude on that last bit," she hissed.

He stepped back, letting her go instantly.

"I'm not sure I can do this anymore…" she shrugged, the fire going out inside her, leaving her cold and very alone.

Severus nodded and took another step backward.

"I see!" He closed up like a book, right in front of her, if he was ever open to her that was.

"Have a nice weekend, Professor Kincaid." He walked off the platform his head high, his cloak dragging on the floor behind him.

"Severus! No… I …" but he was gone; it was too late.

A/N: I hadn't intended it to happen like this. I had this image of Severus getting all manly and make her go back to Hogwarts with him. But it just didn't happen; he's got so many insecurities and hang-ups that he just isn't ready to let Meg in yet. Sigh

Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to read this little story. I really hope you enjoy it. Oh by the way… any suggestions on how to take the whole Draco/Ginny thing would be received gratefully. I didn't plan on them being a part of this, but Draco and Ginny just seem to keep popping up.

Grizziestar: Your thoughts of 'Mean Dean' ending in the lake have been duly noted and file away for future use! HeHeHeHe! Might wait for it to warm up just a tad first, don't want her to be responsible for killing off the entire Rider clan. Thanks for being nice to me.

TheChicaChic : Thanks for the use of your stuff. I'm hoping to work it in later!

Mally: Thanks for saying such wonderful things. I feel so happy now! As for another steamy scene..HeHeHe! I think that when Severus finally admits he loves Meg and she admits she can't live without him then it'll happen. I'll add it onto the other one as I don't want to adjust this rating.

Thanks everyone…. And apologies for my errors, many as they be. I re-read my work over and over, think it's good, upload and spot hundreds in the first paragraph! Thanks for putting up with it!

Oops. Almost forgot… quotes are from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Sorry I'm reading it to my little girl at the moment and I couldn't resist!


	11. Coming back

_A/N: 05/03/08. I have deleted the scene of Harry and Hermione from this chapter. I was just wasted words really and didn't mean much to the story in general. I also want to spend longer in building up the Dean/Meg part that comes next. I hope this hasn't ruined it for anyone who may be re-reading. Thanks._

* * *

Severus Snape apparated back to the school entrance; his face dark and meaner than ever. His eyes narrowed as he saw the school ahead of him. He stayed by the gates, his hands stretched out to open them.

Damn her!

His face twisted in anger. How dare she work her way into his life, disrupting his routine, desecrating his classroom? How dare she question his teaching methods? How dare she run out on him, without telling him where she was going?

He slammed the gates back on themselves in anger. She was making a fool out of him. He knew that it was common knowledge to the staff they'd been sleeping together. Knew that it was something that had surprised them, that someone like her, would be attracted to someone like him. Hell, they probably wondered how anyone could be attracted to him. He wondered why she'd even given him another look, let alone access to her body. But she had and he wasn't sure he could give her up now.

"Not the kind of man you take home to meet your parents." The words had hurt him. If he was truly honest, and he'd never tell her, but they had hurt him deeply. Not because she'd said it, but because it was the truth. How did you introduce someone like him anyway?

_"Hello Mister and Misses Kincaid, I'm Severus Snape, former Death Eater, responsible for several deaths, hundreds of attacks on muggles and, generally causing mayhem and terror for nearly three years. Oh, and by the way, I've been teaching your daughter several different ways of making love; some of them still illegal in several countries."_

He snorted, that wouldn't exactly get him a handshake and a clap on the back. More like several broken bones and a kicking out of her house.

He had wondered when she'd wake up to him. He ran a hand through his hair and realised that he hadn't washed it for several days. He didn't care. He couldn't be bothered. He'd started to make a bit of an effort when it seemed she was going to hang around. But even that bit of effort hadn't lasted long and he'd soon slipped back into going days, sometimes even weeks without washing it. He didn't like standing under a shower with water and soap blinding his vision. It unsettled him that for several minutes he was completely vulnerable. But she'd never complained, hadn't flinched from touching it.

He liked the way she'd come and sit on his lap sometimes and play with his hair absently, while she chatted about something trivial. Never remarking on the state his hair had to be in. Never reminding him about the time he'd coolly told her that washing his hair didn't make a difference!

Even when he tried to remove her from his lap, complaining about having marking to do…

He stopped in mid track… surely not.

She'd yelled on the station something about not knowing if she was coming or going; he hadn't really listened to her, too mad with her for running off like that. But he thought she was happy with what they had.

He frowned, trying to think what they actually did have. Great sex, no point denying that. They could hold a relatively decent conversation on potions. Even if she did have some funny ideas on it. He liked knowing she was around…

He sighed, turned and the moment he was outside the gate, apparated back to the station.

Meg could hear a slight noise behind her, like a rustling of paper. The wind probably. She slumped further down onto her bag, her knees drawn up to her chin, her arms wrapped protectively around her.

A small paper bag was dropped onto the floor at her feet. Startled she looked up, but there was no one in front of her.

Reaching forward she opened the bag and saw some Mints.

She stood up quickly, her robe catching in her boot. She fell onto her knees giving a cry of pain as she landed heavily.

"Trying to fly without a broomstick?" came a slow amused drawl.

"Severus?" She turned, still on her knees to see Snape leaning against the wall, his arms folded.

"Couldn't get raisins so mints will have to do."

"Why?" she was confused and certain she was dreaming.

"They were all I could get," he replied smoothly, not moving from the wall.

"No… I mean why are you here?" she got to her feet awkwardly, making sure her robe was free this time

"Making sure you get on the train," he intoned lazily.

Meg bit her lip hard, refusing to cry.

"Damn you, Snape!" she spat and threw the bag at him. He caught it and put it back in his robes.

"Already been done," he told her quietly. "I damned myself twenty years ago."

She stared at him, tears in her eyes, but she refused to let him see them.

"And I'll be damning myself again if I let you get on that train without finding out why first!" He stood of the wall and crossed to her slowly, his dark eyes never leaving her face.

"I have to go home… things to sort out." She bent and picked up her bag, holding it against her, as if it was her last line of defence.

"I heard that in the staff room," he remarked and stopped close enough for her to have to look up to see his face.

"You were in the staff room?" she asked startled. "I didn't see you!"

"I'm surprised. Hillary Hooch nearly fell of her chair trying to get you to look in my direction."

"Oh… I…Oh…" Horror dawned on her as she remembered what she'd said to Dean.

"Oh, dear!" She sagged slightly. "I didn't mean it quite like that; that is to say, I would take you to meet my parents. If I thought you'd want to go, of course there is the problem that they've been dead awhile now, but I could always take you to their graves. I go quite frequently, although why you would want to see…."

"You're rambling, something I've come to expect, but not now Megan. Will you stay here, with me this weekend?"

He reached out a finger and touched her cold cheek gently.

She shut her eyes and sighed, her heart felt torn in two. She so badly wanted to say yes, let him take her back and give in. But she wasn't sure how much she could take. He pushed her away with one hand and drew her back with the other.

"I think we need to talk, Megan," he said softly, his whole hand cupping her cheek now. She felt so soft to his touch; he only had to touch her to feel some sort of peace settle in him. He needed her to stay.

"You don't talk, Severus, you growl, or you spit, or sneer, or you say nasty things. You don't know how to talk if it doesn't involve the word cauldron or potion…" He cut her off in the only way he knew would work. He pulled her to him and kissed her. One hand gripped the bag between them and tugged it from her hands to drop to the floor.

He slid his hands to her upper arms and pulling her up slightly, pressed her close to him.

Meg groaned; her hands clutched at his cloak. Her head spinning, the taste of him in her mouth, the feel of his tongue against hers, was enough to make her lean into him, demanding as much from him as he was demanding from her.

"Stay," he muttered, his lips sliding down the column of her throat, intent on getting to that place just below her ear. He felt her resist slightly; he tugged her to him closer, not allowing her any movement.

"Stay… please," he breathed into her ear and felt her sag; he'd won.

"Okay…" her voice cracked on that one word, but it didn't make him feel the usual elation that he felt when he'd seduced her in the past. He heard that weary tone again; as if she'd given in under enormous pressure. He moved his head back slightly to look down into her eyes, but they were closed.

"Open your eyes, Megan," he whispered, blowing on her face slightly. She opened them and glared up at him.

"Damn you, Severus Snape," she muttered. She would go back with him; would give in to him again, knowing that it made her cheap, made her feel more like his possession than his…, she closed her eyes again, burying her face in his cloak. She would just have to find a way of accepting that, for him it was merely physical, nothing more.

She took a deep breath, sniffing the musk, purely masculine smell of his cloak, and stood back from him.

"Come on then," she muttered and picked up her bag.

"Thank you," he replied, with none of the usual sarcasm that usually laced his voice.

"Yeah, well, you'd better make it worth my while," she reached forward and began to pat over his robes.

"What on earth are you doing now, Professor Kincaid," he asked dryly, watching her hand roam over his robes.

"Looking for those mints," she muttered, and locating them, slid her hand into one of the many pockets in the robe and drew out the bag.

She pushed her bag against him and couldn't help but grin as he took it arching his eyebrow at her.

"I wasn't aware I was your lackey!" The sarcasm was back.

"I get the feeling you'd be nobody's lackey," she replied, popping a mint into her mouth, she held one out for him, but he shook his head, she shrugged and popped it into her mouth as well.

"You resemble a chipmunk," he pointed out, a mint in each cheek making them puff out slightly.

She took her bag back from him and turned to wander off the station. He hadn't moved, just watched her, she turned and sighed.

"Are you coming or not?" she asked around a mouthful of half chewed mint, making her words sound slurred.

"Did no one ever tell you it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" he watched as she swallowed quickly, wincing as a sharp bit caught her throat.

"And did no one ever tell you that you can be a complete and utter bastard?"

"Frequently," he replied honestly and slid his hand over her cheek before starting off the platform.

"Come on then, Professor Kincaid," he called casually over his shoulder.

"Watch it, Snape! I can still get back on that train," she muttered, it hadn't taken him long to revert back to his normal, less than nice self.

He turned, his eyebrows drawn together.

"Yes, you could," he seemed to murmur to himself. "Perhaps I should just…" He didn't finish what he was going to say, because he stepped up to her, caught her round the waist and muttering the spell, Apparated them back to the gates of Hogwarts.

"Oh Merlin's…" she gripped hold of his arm as nausea washed over her. She disliked Apparating at the best of times; but with someone else it was always much worse.

"Looks like you don't Apparate well either, Professor Kincaid," he smirked, his mouth by her ear as he held her close, feeling her shaking in his arms.

"I can just about manage on my own, but with someone else, it just turns my stomach," she muttered into his robes.

He slid his hands down over her back, till he held her hips.

"Were your parents magical folk?" he asked her quietly.

He felt her stiffen in his arms, but he held her tightly, preventing her from backing away from him.

"My mum was a muggle, my dad a wizard, why? Does it bother you that I'm not pureblood?" she frowned, her eyes reflecting uncertainty and fear.

"Why should it bother me?" he asked his face dark and unreadable.

"Well… I mean…" She placed her hand on his left arm and shrugged.

He let her go so quickly that she almost fell before righting herself.

"I was merely referring to the fact that some muggle born witches tend to have trouble mastering things like flying and apparating," he snapped, he grabbed her bag from her and opening the gates, stood back to let her go in.

"All right, all right, calm down," she muttered as she passed him to go through. "I was just wondering; a logical question considering your past tendencies."

"You know nothing about my past!" He caught up with her, gripping her arm.

"I know nothing about you full stop!" she snapped angrily, wrenching her arm free. "You won't let me!" She snatched her bag back and marched up the path that lead to the front entrance.

She went in and without looking back made her way to her rooms, annoyed with him for being difficult, annoyed with herself for not being stronger.

* * *

She sat awkwardly at the table; aware of several glances from the other staff that had known she was going home for the weekend. Snape sat beside her, back ramrod straight as usual. His black eyes watching the students like a hawk.

Meg ate her food quietly; glad for the easy going chatter Filius was keeping up that didn't require much work from her. Eventually even Filius dried up though and the awkward silence became too much for her.

"Severus…" she murmured his name softly. "I apologise for what I said earlier, I should have known better."

He turned his head slightly and regarded her; he arched an eyebrow and went back to watching the students, not saying anything.

"Look." He gave a tiny nod down at the Slytherin table and Meg looked.

Pansy Parkinson was sitting beside Malfoy, her arm around his shoulder, her mouth against his ear, clearing whispering something to him. Meg looked over at Ginny, who was also watching the couple, her face giving away every feeling in her.

"Oh dear," Meg muttered. "What is she up to?"

"Probably blackmailing Malfoy as we speak, interesting to see if he really cares enough to handle this."

Meg sighed, why did everything have to be so hard.

"It's a damn shame she can't keep her poisonous claws to herself," she spat, setting her napkin down on her plate. Instantly her dirty plates were removed and her place setting was clear.

"Professor Kincaid," his tone dripped icy disapproval.

"Oh for goodness sake, Severus, if you can't see that girl is going to make trouble then you're blind as well as biased!"

He snorted disdainfully and pushed his chair back.

"If you've finished, would you care for a walk?" he asked coldly.

She nodded and got up to follow him out, Filius had stood as well, declaring the food to be excellent. She let him go first, but he held back.

"Thanks you, Filius, ever the gentlemen! Shame not everyone has such good manners," she said loud enough for Severus to hear.

"Quit whining, Kincaid, it doesn't suit you," his icy voice floated back to her, making her stick her tongue out at him, just as he turned to wait for her by the door.

He arched an eyebrow at her. As she passed him, he leant down to whisper in her ear.

"I have a much better use for that tongue of yours if you're interested." She flamed bright red and rushed by hurriedly. She knew no one else would have heard, but the silky voice he used sent shivers down her spine.

"Need anything from the forest? I thought we could just take a walk on the edges," he said to her as he came to stand beside her.

"I could use some more Delphi Roots," she murmured as she mentally scanned her store cupboards.

"Let's go down and fetch some gloves then." He indicated for her to go ahead of him and the devil that sometimes resided on her shoulder made her turn to him and wink.

"I see you've dredged up some manners!" She said sweetly and then swept on ahead, she heard him snort behind her as he followed.

She went into her study and began rummaging in her supply box for some dragon hide gloves.

She heard the door shut and then click as the lock was slid into place.

"You told me I'd better make it worth your while coming back here," came a deep, slow and slightly husky voice from behind her.

She sat back on her heels smiling, when it came down to it, really came down to it, and if she was honest with herself, she knew she wouldn't have been able to stay away all weekend. She was a martyr to masochism and she might as well admit it. If she couldn't have anything else with him except this, she'd take it and ask no questions. Refuse to acknowledge the hurt she felt when he would turn his back on her afterwards. Refuse to acknowledge that she was truly alone, even when he was beside her. She could keep kidding herself this, and she would believe it; right up to the point where he would roll away from her without a word.

She shuddered as his cool fingers slid under her chin to the clasp that held her robes together.

"I need those Delphi Roots," she husked, her voice gave her away instantly.

"I expect they will still be there tomorrow," he breathed against her ear as he leant down to kiss her neck.

"Hum…probably…" she agreed as his fingers traced a delicate pattern down her throat to the top of her cardigan.

She turned on her knees and pulled his arms till he sank to his knees in front of her.

He slid her cardigan off her shoulders, his dark eyes glittering with desire as they followed the path his fingers trailed over her.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you…" She needed him to know that she didn't doubt him, that she trusted him.

"Ssh!" He placed a finger on her lips, his face closed slightly. "Don't talk," he muttered and leaning forward took her lips with his; his tongue seeking and gaining entrance to her mouth.

Meg closed her eyes and wound her arms around his neck. Pushing any doubts away firmly.

* * *

Monday came and went quickly, the fist and second years came back relatively unscathed, and completely over excited by their trip.

The Professors looked hassled and ragged.

"Fun?" she asked Snape as he slumped onto the bed, fully clothed.

"Hell," he corrected. "Running around after hundreds of screaming brats, this isn't one of Albus' better ideas!"

"You're just getting old…" she stopped as she saw he was asleep.

Smiling, she covered him with a blanket and got ready for bed herself. She crept in beside him careful not to wake him up. She lay on her back, listening to his even breathing. Somehow she doubted he'd been running around after the children. She couldn't imagine him running everywhere. He wouldn't need to; one icy look and biting sarcastic comment from him would be enough to stop any child from crossing him.

He mumbled something in his sleep about children acting like monkeys and the potions just weren't strong enough. She smiled again and reaching out placed her hand on his arm.

He grumbled loudly and pulling away, he rolled over to face away from her.

Meg turned away from him and let the pillow soak up her tears as she cried silently.

* * *

The anger on his face was apparent as he glared at the man standing before them in the staff room.

"What's he doing here," he growled so darkly, Meg felt a shiver of unease ripple through her.

The look of hate on the other man's face made it apparent that there was no love lost here.

"I'm here to see Harry," he spat back at Snape.

"Harry doesn't frequent the staff room Black, so get out!"

"Severus…" Meg said his name before she thought. It unsettled her to see so much anger and tension.

Snape turned and glared at her, the hate in his eyes not wavering once and she actually took several steps backwards as the full force of his glare hit her.

"Oh!" She felt Minerva's hand on her arm steadying her.

"Come on now gentlemen please," Minerva's sharp voice did nothing to affect either man.

The door opened and Dumbledore came in with Harry.

Black saw Harry and the change over him was considerable; his face cleared of the ugly expression, leaving him look much younger.

He moved past Snape and took Harry into his arms.

Harry was very happy to see him. He hugged him fiercely before letting go and standing back slightly to look at him better.

Meg watched Snape sneer in contempt and sweep out the door.

"Oh dear!" Minerva sighed. "There goes the thought of a quiet Christmas!" She shook her head and settled into a chair.

Meg wondered what to do, whether she should follow Snape or let him go.

She didn't have to think much before excusing herself and heading out of the staff room. She found Snape deep in the restricted section of the library.

"Brooding?" she asked lightly sitting down opposite him.

"I don't brood," he replied icily, not even bothering to look up from the book he was reading.

Meg arched an eyebrow and bit back the word "much" that sprang to her lips.

"Who is he?"

"A bastard," he intoned, slamming the book shut so hard it complained loudly and sent a flurry of dust up into their faces. Meg sneezed, and grimaced at Snape.

"So do I call him bastard? Or does he have a nickname I can use?"

"If you've any sense you won't be calling him anything. You'll stay away from him."

"Wow!" She sat back. "I never pegged you as another Dean. What did he do to you?"

Snape's head shot up, he glared at her. His black eyes like chips of ice.

"I am nothing like Rider… this situation is nothing like yours!"

"So, you do have a past, funny I was starting to think you were born fully formed at eighteen."

"Did you come here just to annoy me? Because I can tell you that you're doing an excellent job of it," he snapped and, with a flick of his wand the book was back on its shelf, behind the chains that kept them in place.

"Sorry," Meg sighed. "I came here 'cause I figured you could use a friend. That man obviously upset you badly, I just thought you might be…" he cut her off with a mocking snort.

"Don't feel yourself under some misguided obligation to try and help me," he remarked icily and Meg snapped. Something in her just gave; she rose to feet, her hands planted firmly on the desk. Her face a mask of fury.

"How dare you… How dare you insult me like this? What did I ever do to you to make you such a damn bastard to me? I wanted to help you Severus, not to repay you for …for… for… I don't know… for helping me with Dean. I appreciate the pensieve; it worked. But that's not why I'm here now. I am not misguided, just an idiot!" She was close to tears now, but he just stared up at her as if she'd gone completely insane.

"I thought we were friends, Severus, I thought that at least I could lay a claim to that much. But no! You, mighty, bloody, Severus Snape doesn't need friends do you? And certainly not me! What is it? Not pure-blooded enough for you? Only good enough for one thing I suppose; well you can shove it right where the sun doesn't shine! I've had it. Totally had it! I won't play your whore anymore. You won't let me in one inch and it's just not enough for me! You can find someone else to keep your sheets warm 'cause I resign!"

She turned and left the library, totally ignoring Madam Pince who had come to find out what all the commotion was about.

She made it to her classroom, her temper still high. She should never have given into him. She knew what sort of person he was; knew he was probably the most self- absorbed person she'd ever met, besides herself that was. She snorted and slammed the door shut behind her. He had far more hang-ups than she did and that was saying something!

She shook her head as she sat down. She'd never met such a foul-tempered, cold-hearted person before. His mean spirit sometimes overwhelmed her. But she still loved him and she didn't know why.

She'd seen a side of him that told her that maybe he wasn't completely without a soul. The evenings they spent together, either in the schools kitchens or in the library were times when he'd let her see a little of what he may have been like under different circumstances. She knew he had a hard past; knew that things must have driven him to the Dark Lord. What things, she might never know. She could guess at what kind of things he'd have done for the Dark Lord, she'd heard the reports and read the papers. Remembered the terror that would fill her soul every time she went home; just waiting and praying that she wouldn't turn the corner and see the Dark Mark hovering over the house.

Her family had been particularly at danger. She'd heard horrific tales of what Death Eaters would do to muggle born witches and muggle relatives.

She didn't know exactly what happened at the Dark Revels, but she didn't need to be told that innocent people had died horrifically and painfully, at the hands of people who wore the same mark that lay under Severus skin.

She didn't want to know what he'd done, but she knew that if he were ever to tell her, it wouldn't change how she felt for him. It was in his past, who he used to be. Dean had accused him of changing sides when the going got tough and, for all she knew he could be right. But if cowardice had motivated his moves then, nothing would have convinced him to become a spy for Dumbledore when Voldemort began to rise again. He had spied, at great personal risk, when he could have merely melted away into the background.

Meg sighed wearily, knowing that even though he had succeeded in pushing her away, it wouldn't make her stop loving him. If he never spoke to her again, she would always love the man who'd sat with her in the kitchens, the man who'd sat with her as she'd watched her memories go into the pensieve. The man he was underneath the thick layer of hate and sarcasm that he wore around him. He may never change, she wasn't sure she wanted him to. But whatever he did, it wouldn't change her love for him. She was doomed either way.

She was perfectly in control. Her face gave no indication of her internal turmoil. She looked round at her class of 7th Slytherin and Gryffindors and smiled.

"So, with just this week to go, there's no point in learning new stuff, so now's your chance. Any of the potions or lectures that didn't make sense we can go over now. Anyone?"

Hermione Grangers hand shot in the air. Slightly surprised she called on her.

"I'm a bit worried about my paper for the Memory Regain Potion."

"Which part?" asked Meg.

"I only got 89," she replied and the class groaned. Meg sniggered, the rest had scrapped a 60 and under.

"YOU'RE BLOODY DOING WHAT?"

Meg just had time to see Ron launch from his desk at Malfoy.

She hurried down to where Ron and Draco were scraping quite viscously on the floor.

"Mister Malfoy, Mister Weasley, contain yourselves!" she shouted and tried to pull them apart.

A miss-aimed hit from Draco caught her nose and sent her backwards into Neville Longbottom's desk.

The class froze as she lay sprawled on Neville's lap. Blood poured out of her nose, covering her and Neville.

"Miss!" Neville caught her arms and helped her to her feet, looking very worried. He handed her his hanky.

Meg was furious. She stuffed the hanky to her nose, her eyes spitting fire at both boys, who now stood limply staring at her in horror. Draco has a split lip and a bruised eye. Ron's nose was bleeding a hard as her own.

"Fifty points from both houses!" Her voice muffled through the pain and blood. "Weasley, Malfoy get yourselves up to the infirmary now. Sort yourselves out and then get yourselves back down here immediately. Anymore fighting and I'll have you both expelled!"

She sat on Neville's desk and tried to stop the blood flow. She gave up and used her wand.

"I think it's broken!" Hermione stated.

"Thank you, Miss Granger, please sit down. Miss Parkinson, I presume you had something to do with that little scene." She turned on the smirking girl quickly, blood still dripping of her chin. She wiped it and glared at her.

"No, miss," She lost the smirk straight away at the sight of her furious Potions teacher.

"Miss, look." Hermione gave her a scrap of paper, which she took and read silently.

"Another fifty points from Slytherin for trying to incite violence, and detention the rest of this week!"

She turned and went up to her desk, her nose was indeed broken and agony to boot.

"Miss. I'll miss the trip!" Pansy wailed behind her.

"You should have thought about that before putting quill to paper in a nasty letter!" she muttered her voice reflecting the pain she felt.

"But…"

"SILENCE!" Meg turned on the girl and saw the look of utter hatred pass her face.

"Get out your books, read quietly until I get back, you two," she spoke to Draco and Weasley who were still hovering, sending each other nasty looks.

"I don't think I can trust you to get up there by yourselves… come on!"

She swept out the door the two boys shooting each other evil looks followed.

"You slimy greasy bastard…" She heard Ron's hissed whisper behind her. "You touch my sister and I'll…"

"You'll what?" Draco spat back. "I'm shaking in my shoes!"

Meg stopped on the stairs and turned to them.

"Shut up the pair of you!" She spat coldly. "You both should know better!"

"Problem Professor Kincaid?" came the icy cold voice of the last person she wanted to run into.

"No, all under control!" She turned and waved the boys to go on.

His eyebrows shot up at the sight of her nose, the blood starting to dry now, all over her chin, and the top of her robes.

"What the…" He took one look at her and swept down past her to her classroom.

She heard the boys up ahead, starting to get very vocal again. She sighed and hurried after them. Confident Snape would be sticking that large nose of his into what had happened.

She hissed at the two boys and it was enough to silence them.

"Get up these stairs and if I hear another word from either of you, you'll being doing detention right up till the Leaving Feast. Now move it!"

Neither boy had ever seen her quite so rattled and neither wanted to chance how serious she was. They hurried on ahead, with Meg telling them both how immature they were. She lectured them all the way up there. She left off briefly for Poppy to clean all three of them up, and then started again on the way back down to the classroom.

She was still giving them both an earful when she opened the door to her classroom and motioned for them to go in.

Snape was sat at her desk. His fingers linked together as he rested his elbows on the desk. His black eyes sweeping over the classroom, daring anyone to move out of place.

He looked up as she came in. But she hadn't seen him there; she was too busy glaring at the boys.

"Right get back to your seats, and you can report to Mr. Filch tonight, right after you've had your tea!" She still hadn't seen him as she crossed to Neville.

"Did I break the desk? I thought I heard something crack?"

Neville shook his head, his eyes flicking back and forth between Snape and her.

"Hermione fixed it…" he muttered.

"Thank you, Miss Granger, What's up Neville? Did I hurt you?" She was peering anxiously at the boy who had paled considerably, his eyes still flicking between the two of them.

"Mr Longbottom is trying to tell you to look behind you," came the slow mocking drawl of Snape.

Meg whirled, her hand going to her heart.

"I forgot all about you," she muttered and then collected herself.

"Thank you, for watching them." She kept her eyes on her desk, rather than look at him.

She was grateful when the bell sounded. And the students all stood up and hastily made their way out, all whispering.

"Not you, Mister Weasley!" Snapes cold voice rang out. "Or you, Mister Malfoy!"

Meg frowned; she could handle this without any of his help.

Ron and Draco stopped, and waited nervously by the door.

"It's all your fault, Malfoy!" hissed Ron.

"Professor Snape there really is no need for you…"

"There is when it's a boy from my house who hits another teacher!" he snapped, glaring at the three of them.

"It was an accident," Meg began, and motioned the boys to sit down for a moment. "It wasn't intended for me"

"I should hope not!" Snape hissed and rising to his feet came to stand in front of the desk.

"Could I… speak with you outside please Professor?"

He narrowed his eyes and nodded. He swept out of the room, with Meg behind him.

"I really don't need you to interfere here, Severus!" she said firmly, her eyes on the classroom door as she shut it.

"Malfoy is in my house… you would have been informing me of this, wouldn't you?"

"Yes I will… I mean I would. Same as Minerva will be informed."

"If I chose to deal with this now.."

"Is fine by me, but you deal with Malfoy only. Minerva won't appreciate you having a go at Weasley without her knowledge!"

He snorted and slightly inclined his head.

"Fine!" He opened the door. "Weasley get out of here! And if I ever catch you fighting you'll be expelled!" He didn't shout, but his cold, hard, dangerously low voice had more effect than yelling. Ron was on his feet and out the dungeons before he could blink.

"May I borrow your classroom?" he asked her coldly.

"Certainly." She nodded. She was tired now, her head was aching and despite the pain potion Poppy had given her, her nose was feeling very fragile. She was so relieved that had been the last class of the day.

She watched him go into the classroom and shut the door, sighing she went to her study. No doubt he was going to pat Malfoy on the back and tell him what a good boy he was, smashing a Gryffindor up.

* * *

Meg was sitting with her head resting on her folded arms at her desk, when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." She didn't bother sitting up, she could see the door from here.

She wasn't surprised to see Snape standing there. He frowned, came in and shut the door behind him.

"Do you need any pain potions?" he asked quietly.

"No, Poppy dosed me up just fine." She sat up slowly. Now they were alone, with no students around, Meg began to feel very uncomfortable. She recalled quite clearly what she'd said to him in the library.

"This is the first chance I've had since break to talk to you, Megan." He sat down opposite her and folded his arms on the table.

She risked a quick look at his face and wished she hadn't; the cold sneer was present. His brows drawn so low he looked quite dangerous.

"I resent what you yelled at me in the library," he said softly, smoothly, the anger evident in the silky quality of his voice.

She shrugged and sat back in her chair, her face as blank as she could make it.

"I'm sure you'll get over it quickly," she said carelessly.

"Megan!" He slapped his palm on the table hard, making Meg jump. She bit her lip, trying hard to maintain her act of 'couldn't care less'.

"Don't be so bloody facetious," he growled at her. "You made some pretty sweeping accusations in there. Don't I get a chance at self defence?"

"If you're going to hurt me with it, then no, I guess you don't."

"It was never my intention to hurt you," he said softly, almost regretfully and Meg just managed to suppress a snort.

"It makes no difference to me what type of blood runs through your veins," he continued, his voice rumbled deeply, but he enunciated every word clearly.

Meg stood up, unable to sit still while she was feeling so much pain.

"It may…." He stopped, drew a breath and let it out on a sigh. "You know what I was," he muttered finally. "But you're missing the "was"."

"I lashed out at you. I'm sorry. I know you don't feel that way anymore, if you ever truly did. I'm sorry. It's wrong of me to keep harping back."

"How do you know what I feel about bloodlines?" he queried. "And if you say Albus wouldn't have hired me otherwise, can I just point out first that he's not infallible."

"Because the only students you differentiate between are your own. It doesn't matter if they're muggle born or not, they all get treated the same," she sighed. "You dislike one, you dislike the lot."

"Hardly sound reasoning," he remarked with a snort.

"Look, if you came here to say something just spit it out will you!" She rounded on him, her eyes large in her face. Her hands clenched at her sides.

"All right then, I'll spit it out as you so eloquently put it." He sat back and crossed his legs; completely composed. "I have never intimated that you're a whore. Never! I have not used you anymore than you have used me."

She hissed, fury building in her head. She felt like screaming at him, throwing things; anything to wipe that arrogant smirk from his face.

"I have not used you," she yelled at him, it was making her more annoyed to think he was sitting there quite impassively, nothing giving away his feelings, while Meg was almost levitating she was so angry.

"Then tell me how I've used you. I don't ever recall hearing you say no," he sneered at her. "If fact several times you've initiated it!"

Meg blushed furiously. She crossed her arms in an attempt to get control.

"Come on, I'm waiting," he spat coldly. "You've accused me of something, now back it up!"

"It's how I feel," she hissed right back at him. "It's how you make me feel."

"How?" it was a demand, a very angry demand.

"You really want to know?" she asked him, her anger making her breathing shallow and fast.

"Dammit, Megan!" He lost his control; he shot up from the chair and gripping her shoulders he thrust her backwards into her own chair.

"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't be here! Now stop asking stupid questions in a futile attempt to avoid the subject!" He was shouting now; his face reflecting pure anger. His eyes so hard and black that Meg abstractly thought they were chips of coal.

"Okay, you want to know, I'll tell you; but don't you dare shout at me for saying it." She tried to stand up but he just pushed her back down. He stood over her, his hands on his hips, his feet apart.

"You make me feel cheap; I feel cheap. I entered this knowing what I was doing. I really thought it wouldn't matter, but it does, and it's getting harder. I can understand why you don't like certain things, and I have never questioned you, never pushed you. But it hurts."

He sat down in the chair opposite, confusion mingling with the anger now.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." His voice was lower now, his temper firmly under control again, but his voice was still cold and hard.

Meg took a deep breath and ran a hand across her face.

"When… when you…" she ground to a halt and stood up again to pace slightly, he made no move to stop here this time.

"You know I was a virgin; I have nothing to compare things with." She took a quick glance at his face and winced at the look of anger he gave her.

"You enjoy it just as much, so don't you dare tell me otherwise," he snapped.

"No!" She shook her head, frustration creeping into her voice. "Just listen, please."

"I am, but you're not saying anything that makes sense!"

"The sex we have is wonderful, Severus, I feel like I'm in heaven. You make me feel like… I can't explain it; but it's like pure bliss. But that's all it is; sex." She stopped pacing and stood by her desk, her hands clasped firmly together. "I thought, after that first time, I thought that I could handle the way you just…"

"Just what?" he asked, the anger still apparent, but something else coloured his voice now.

"I don't know how to say it without being crude," she whispered, her cheeks flaming.

"Just say it, Megan," he ordered.

"After we've… after you've… well, you just turn away from me. You just roll off me and turn on your side away from me. You don't cuddle me, don't kiss me, you don't even talk to me. It's so cold, Severus. It makes me feel like you've just picked me off the street. I feel as if I'm just a convenient body to you. I really thought that it wouldn't matter. I know you're not a very tactile person. But I'm not that way; I grew up in a family that always overdosed on affection. It was just natural for us to touch, hug, kiss and talk to each other. I know that you're not that way, I don't know why and I never will unless you tell me, but that's not the point. The point is I thought I could handle it. If I had nightmares I knew I could roll over and touch you and you'd take me in your arms, if you were awake or not. It was okay, I could tell myself it was just you, and you dislike physical contact. I don't understand it, but I can respect it. But it's not just in bed, Severus, it's in everything. You push me away as a person but you're willing to have me in your bed. I just can't do it anymore. It's not enough." She sighed, her eyes filling with tears, the pain in her head was worse.

"It's all my fault really. When it first started with you it was just sex. I'd had boyfriends before; some even tried to get close. But none of them ever hit the right buttons; but you, you just have to look at me and the word 'no' just doesn't exist. I can't, I'm sorry, I love you too much…"

Meg realised the moment the words left her mouth what she'd said. She clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at him.

He stared at her, a look of total shock on his face.

"I… I… " Snape for probably the first time in his life was at a loss for words.

"It's okay… I'll never say it again." She stumbled to the door and wrenched it open. Snape reacted instantly, his senses back in control. He stood up, his wand raised and the door slammed shut again instantly; this time he locked it.

"Open the door please," she muttered, her hand on the door handle.

She heard him moving towards her, but she didn't look up or turn around. She was too frightened to see his reaction. She couldn't stand his pity, or worse, his revulsion.

"No," he spoke softly but firmly. He was right behind her now; she could feel his breath stirring her hair.

"Please…" she begged, silent tears ran down her face.

"You've never said that before," he muttered more to himself than her. He reached out and slid out the pins that held her hair in a loose bun. She heard the pins fall to the floor as he dropped them.

"I can't…" her voice cracked, but still she didn't turn around.

He caught her hair and she felt him bury his face into her hair, sniffing deeply. He wound a hand round her waist till his hand splayed on her stomach possessively. He pulled her back against him, till she fitted against his entire length.

"I don't want to…"

"Neither do I." He cut her off, his mouth by her ear, and she realised, pressed so close to him that he wasn't aroused; this wasn't about sex now.

"There are so many things I can't promise you. I can't promise that I'll ever tell you what I've done. I can't promise that I won't ever push you away again. It's been a part of my life for so long that it's like a second skin. I don't have words to say what I want to say to you… I'm not even sure I could say them even I did." He took a deep breath; his other arm crept around her waist to hold her tightly.

"I'm thirty seven and I have never touched a woman unless it was for physical release. I have never spent longer than one night with a woman; until I met you. I'm not certain if I love you. I don't think I'm truly capable of loving. I've seen and done things that you can't even imagine. I'm not worth loving, Megan. There's nothing in me that deserves to be loved; but I'm selfish and I won't let you go. I can't offer you much; I can't offer you anything. But please, don't walk out on me. You'll probably never hear me say this again; but I've got used to you. I…" he stopped, shifted on his feet slightly and then began again. "I like waking up knowing you're there. I like seeing you sleeping, or hearing you sing those muggle songs of yours. I like watching you when we make love." He stopped and took another deep breath.

"Do you really mean it?" Meg's voice was half hopeful, half scared.

"Yes." He turned his head slightly and kissed her ear gently. "I don't know how to be what you want. I'm still a dark hearted bastard, nothing will ever change that." He loosened his hold on her.

She turned in his arms, winding her arms around his neck.

He stepped forwards slightly till she had her back against the door. He looked down at her, his eyes dark, but gentle. He wasn't sneering or frowning at her; he almost looked uncertain.

"I can't promise that I'll be walking down to the great hall tomorrow holding your hand," he drawled.

Meg snorted with laughter, the tears drying on her cheeks. He didn't love her, but he didn't hate her.

"Can we be friends?" she asked quietly, looking up at him.

"I thought we already were. I know that sometimes I say things that are a bit harsh."

She arched her eyebrow at him unable to let that pass.

"Sometimes?"

"I never mean to hurt you. Well, yes, sometimes I do. You annoy me so much at times. It annoys me how much you've disrupted my life. I have tried to push you away. I'll probably try again; it doesn't sit right that someone like you, clever, loving, beautiful…"

"Now I know you've been at the cordial," she snorted. "I didn't ask you to lie to me; I'm also very capable of looking in a mirror. Seriously though, I don't want you holding my hand or whispering sweet nothings in my ear, that isn't you, and I want you. I'm pretty desperate here, Severus, I'll take you anyway I can get you, as long as I know you feel something for me, even if it is only friendship."

"I'll always feel something for you," he spoke softly. "So you'll stay."

"I'll stay, one thing.." She had to have this, if he gave her this, she could stand anything else he threw at her.

"What?" he asked, the frown starting to reappear.

"Could you, would you, when we… after… just one kiss, hold me for a bit, maybe?" she blushed and he immediately knew what she meant.

He nodded frowning and then his face cleared and his sneer reappeared.

"Why don't we practise that now?" he smirked at her, the vulnerable Snape gone, replaced with the usual arrogant one.

"Because tea is in ten minutes, and as much as I want you, my stomach wants food more!"

He laughed a clear deep laugh that she'd never heard from him before. It made her smile happily at him.

"One thing I can always rely on is that stomach of yours," he smirked.

"Works like clockwork," she agreed.

"Works over time if you ask me." He stood back from her and using his wand unlocked the door.

"Megan." He stopped her before she could step out of the room, she looked at him questioningly. "If anything bothers you again, talk to me about it. Don't run off."

She nodded slowly and smiled at him.

"Okay, but one thing though…" she grinned impishly at him.

"What now?" he sighed mockingly.

"My father always said that my mother was allowed to talk until she was understood. Would you do that for me?"

"With the riddles you tend to talk in I'll probably have to!" He smirked. "I take it you take your ability to say in five hundred words, what the rest of mankind can say in three, from your mother?"

She swatted his arm playfully, feeling happier now than she had done in a long time.

Snape snorted and pushed her gently into the corridor. He locked her room and they walked towards the great hall arguing quietly, both of them unaware of Pansy standing several feet away, hidden behind one of the pillars; a very sly look on her face.

* * *

"Oh! Isn't he adorable?" She hunched down and began stroking the big black dog that had come into the staff room with Remus Lupin.

She ruffled it and kissed its nose. It yelped and started to jump up slightly before starting at her fingers and licking its way up her arm.

She giggled and grinned at Remus who was looking very bemused at her.

"He's gorgeous… is he yours?"

"Um…" Remus coughed slightly as Minerva began to laugh.

"What?" Meg looked up at them "What is it?"

"That's Sirius licking you!" Remus said.

"Yes…" Meg laughed as the dog began to nuzzle under her chin.

"He is seriously licking me, aren't you, boy."

"No, it's Sirius," repeated Remus, looking at Meg as if she'd lost her marbles.

"Why's it serious? He doesn't have anything I could catch does he?"

That was obviously too much for Minerva who doubled up laughing.

"No… it's S I R I U S!" Remus helped her out a little by spelling the name.

"Isn't that a star constellation… did you name him after a constellation?"

Remus stared at her in shock. Minerva couldn't stand it anymore and had to leave the room.

"You're kidding me aren't you!" Remus laughed finally.

"Oh… I don't know…" Meg frowned now; something was going on that she had no idea about.

The door opened and Snape and Rider came in. Snape looked fit to kill, while Rider was laughing.

"We just met Minerva in the corridor," he laughed, and came over to pat the dog on its head.

The dog growled and turning its head he snapped at Rider's hand, narrowly missing his fingers.

Meg got up; the look on Snape's face as he looked at the dog was enough to tell her all wasn't as it seemed.

"Seems as if Black doesn't like you much!" Snape said dryly to Rider.

"Black?" squealed Meg and jumped backwards away from the dog so fast she fell and ended up sitting on the stone floor.

Dean glared at Snape before backing out of the staff room.

Meg watched in amazement as the dog slowly changed form and became the man she'd seen with Harry. He laughed and catching her hand pulled her to her feet.

"Oh!" Meg felt stupid, extremely stupid, she glared at Snape.

"Thanks for telling me," she spat.

"I just did," he replied smoothly and glaring at Black, swept past him to get a coffee and sit in the corner, furthest away from Sirius and Remus.

"I apologise on my friends behalf," Remus grinned at her.

"I don't apologise for anything," Sirius laughed. "I enjoyed every minute of it!"

Meg grinned despite herself.

"I have to go and find a corner and die of embarrassment," she laughed as she went to the door.

"Anytime you feel like repeating the experience, just let me know," called Sirius as she opened the door.

Meg laughed and went out shutting the door. She turned to go down the stairs...

"All set for tomorrow?"

Meg suppressed a sigh as she heard Dean's voice behind her.

"Sort of," she relied, trying to keep her voice light and easy.

"I'm quite looking forward to it. That is if Ron and Draco can stop killing themselves for five minutes."

"Hum!" Meg walked faster, but he just kept up.

"Are you flying to Hogsmede?" he asked innocently and pleasantly, but it was enough to make Meg snap.

"What do you want?" she snapped, not looking at him as she hurried faster down the stairs.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Slow down in case you trip… oops! Too late!" He laughed as he stuck out his foot, catching hers. She pitched forward before she could react.

The scream in her throat cut off as her head banged on the stone steps. She frantically tried to catch something to stop her fall. But her hands grasped fresh air as she slipped, tumbling head over heels down the long flight of stairs.

She crumpled at the bottom, blood seeping down the side of her face. She tried to stand, but the pain was too intense. Every part of her was in agony.

"Do you need help?" Dean leaned over her, his face contorted into worry, but his eyes belied his words.

"Don't worry Professor I'll get help soon." He stood up. " You really should look where you're going next time you might not be so lucky!" He grinned down at her. "Hold still, this shouldn't hurt a bit, Obliviate," he murmured.

Meg sobbed, everything went black.

A/N: Severus still can't quite get it into his thick head that he loves Meg, but he'll be forced to admit it soon! Even if I have to beat him senseless first!

Monday sees the release of "Truly, Madly, Deeply" on DVD and, my better half has promised to buy it for me! Happy, happy me!

Thanks to everyone who's taking their time and effort to read my ramblings. I still find it hard to imagine that anyone likes this. But I just want to thank you for taking the time to write such nice things.

I've re-uploaded the first two chapters as I really wasn't happy with the way they looked… and I made a few errors in consistency (oops!) well hopefully it's all sorted now!

P.S. P.A.R. Thanks for your very helpful and flattering review!

I've only just logged on quickly to post this, so I just read it through quickly, and came straight back to add this before posting it.

I'm going to spend some time to really look it through and think about what you're saying. You have some really helpful and thought provoking comments there!

By the way… just a quicky. Neville does have a part in it, but I had to spend some time building up his and Meg's relationship. He does have a quite big part to play later on! That and the fact I'm quite partial to him… he seems so sweet and undervalued that I couldn't resist using him instead of someone else. (Plus the whole hate thing he has going with Snape is important too!) Did that make sense? Probably not!

Another quicky. Spelling and grammar… I've forgotten most of what I've learnt (and that wasn't much to begin with). So help and advice on that is always gratefully received. I honestly don't know my comas from my semicolons! (I rely on Word's grammar check for a lot… but even then it only says something isn't right… not why it isn't right!)

Anyway enough blathering… Thank you!

Hope everyone has a good day/night wherever you happen to live!


	12. Enlightened

A/N: Updated and re-posted March 2008. Usual disclaimer of owning nothing here but a cold sore! ;-(

* * *

Snape sat quietly by her bed, his arms resting on the back of the chair he was straddling; his chin propped on his arms as he watched her sleeping. He'd taken off his robes earlier, now he sat with just his black coat on, still buttoned to the neck despite the warmth in the infirmary.

Meg lay flat on her back, a black and purple bruise decorating her right temple, under it was a nasty gash; closed now but still looking sore and angry. Her lip had split and although Poppy had cleared off the blood that had dried there, it was still very sore looking and slightly swollen. Her eyes were closed, the lashes lying against pale skin. There was no hint of colour in her face, just a very light smattering of freckles standing out across her nose.

Snape didn't move, didn't take his black eyes off her; and he no intentions of doing so until she woke and told him what the hell she'd been playing at.

She'd been found by some first years that had immediately panicked and starting screaming that she was dead.

At first it had looked as if she was dead, she had been lying on her front, her face half turned in a pool of blood that had seeped from the gash. Her leg had broken as was bent under her at an awkward angle.

The first years had screamed enough to alert Mr. Filch who had come quickly; and it had taken him only seconds to call the Mediwitch

Snape had been the last to hear. He hadn't known anything till he'd gone down to the staff room after the last class of the day, two hours after she'd been found.

Remus was there, Hillary and Sally Sprout; they were talking quietly, with none of the usual laughter or cheerfulness that could be found in the staff room. Hillary had looked up when he'd come in and asked him how she was.

"How is who?" he'd replied, frowning in puzzlement.

"Meg. She fell down some stairs…" Remus started to speak, but at the registering of the name Meg and falling he'd turned and left the room without another word.

He'd come straight up and listened to Poppy telling him exactly what had happened, how she'd been found and that she was still unconscious. He'd moved across to sit silently by her bed, and he was still here now several hours later.

He knew every aspect of her face, knew the outline of her lips, the feel of her skin under his fingers. He had seen her so angry she'd looked capable of self-combustion. He'd seen her sad and crying. He'd seen her laughing and joking. He'd seen her spitting sharp witty retorts back at his own sarcasm. He'd seen her acting childishly and spoilt. He'd seen her when she was mean and crabby; but he had never seen her this silent. Even when she was quiet, she wasn't this silent; if she were marking she'd hum her way through the scrolls. If she was eating, little sighs of satisfaction could be heard; but he had never seen her this quiet and it unnerved him.

Snape was a solitary man. He disliked invasions of his privacy but most of the time she'd seem to know when he needed to be alone and she'd take herself off to the library or for a walk. Or else she'd kidnap Longbottom and whisk him off to the kitchens telling him she needed him to cook for her.

That was something he couldn't understand; the relationship she'd built up with Longbottom was completely beyond him. He'd asked her once what she got from being Longbottom's friend, she'd joked at first, saying that when he owned a string of restaurants she'd never have to worry about where to eat again. But then she'd just smiled sadly at him and stroking his cheek she'd said; "I'm not his friend for what I can get out of it, friendship doesn't work like that, Severus, I'm his friend because I enjoy his company. Neville has friends, but he has no one who can understand…" she'd closed up then and he'd known there was more, but she'd refused to carry on, instead she'd very neatly distracted him by nibbling on his ear.

He watched her now, carefully, his dark eyes scanning for slight movement or improvement. Poppy had told him it was just a matter of time and she'd wake up. Her body was using the shut down of her brain to recover itself. Her bones, although Poppy had knitted them together, would take a while to settle back and while she slept it helped her faster.

He frowned and stretched the aching muscles in his back. In the last four or so hours, he'd gone from concern to anger back to concern again; he'd told himself he was just used to her, but it was more than that, it was more than being used to her. He couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life not having her there to annoy and infuriate him. He didn't want to imagine waking up each morning and not have her moan about how cold his rooms were.

He still couldn't accept she had meant it when she had let it slip that she loved him. He couldn't accept it and to some degree he even resented it. He didn't want to be loved, not by her, not by anyone. And he didn't want to love in return; he fought it, every step of the way, but as she lay there now, so close to dying on him, he realised he did love her. And that made him resent it even more.

For a long time now he'd been in perfect control of his life, perfect control of his feelings. His years as a Death Eater had left him with more than nightmares and self- loathing; they had left him preferring his own company and resenting the happiness of others. Then Voldemort had risen again and once again his nightmares had become reality. He knew what he had to do. He remembered those events as if they were burnt on his brain; the same as the Dark Mark was burnt into his skin. Remembered Potter lying in that bed, that idiot Fudge from the ministry refusing to accept Voldemort had returned. Dumbledore's expression when he'd asked if he was ready.

He hadn't been ready of course; nothing could ever get you ready for something like that. But he'd gone, and willingly, knowing that even if he had died it wouldn't atone for his sins. But he'd remained alive and things had pretty much rolled on the way they always had, life carried on.

He lifted his head and reaching out a hand he carefully brushed a lock of her hair that was lying on her forehead. He did love her. He'd realised that the moment he'd seen her lying here so motionless, so pale, no signs of the life force that usually ran through her.

He'd almost panicked, almost. He'd just stopped himself from grabbing her and trying to shake her into waking up. The flow of emotions that he couldn't ever recall having to deal with before had swept through him. He'd had to ask Poppy to repeat everything she'd said to him. His brain had at first refused to comprehend anything past her lying so lifeless.

And then anger had hit him. He'd been angry that she had affected him in this way without him even realising it. Angry with himself for feeling this way. His anger had swung back and forth for quite a while. Until finally, as time crept past and there seemed no difference to her state, he had realised that this time she might be leaving him for good. Desperation had kicked in slightly, his usual logic fled as he contemplated life without her.

He was selfish. He knew it and he wouldn't deny it.

"Not his friend for what I can get out of him…" her words echoed around his brain, he knew that the start of their relationship had been built on friendship, but even then he'd been selfishly planning her downfall. He wanted her and he was going to have her. But it had backfired painfully. He'd fallen into his own trap; he'd fallen for her.

She'd crept in when he wasn't looking and staked a claim on his heart. And it annoyed him as much as it scared him. He didn't for one moment think he deserved her love; he didn't deserve her friendship either. But it scared him to think that he felt for her something he didn't even know he was capable of. And it scared him because he was vulnerable now. Love wasn't an emotion he knew anything about. He didn't know how to control the feelings that assailed his senses; not the physical ones, those he could deal with easily. It was the emotional feelings that made him feel weak. That he'd been reduced to this; sitting by her bed because he was scared he'd loose her. Scared that maybe she'd see him for what he truly was. Scared he'd loose her so soon after finding her.

And it took her nearly breaking her neck for him to realise.

Damn the woman!

Meg cracked open painful eyes; her mind and brain were foggy as she tried to remember where she was.

She saw the ceiling first, a white ceiling. She blinked and winced as pain shot through her head. She turned her head slightly and tried to moisten her dry lips. But she couldn't get her tongue past her lips; she was so dry. She frowned, what was she doing here, where was she anyway?

Her vision cleared and she saw Severus sitting beside her, his head resting on his arms, his eyes were closed as he slept.

"Sev…" she tried to say his name but only the first three letters came out on a dry cracked whisper. But it was enough; he'd heard her. His head snapped up, his eyes opened, they looked slightly out of focus from lack of sleep.

Meg tired to speak again but this time nothing came out.

"Don't move," he instructed firmly and got off the chair to call for Poppy. She came out instantly, and bustled down the ward towards him.

"Awake?" She stopped by Meg and felt her forehead gently. She reached round for the water and taking a tiny bit on a spoon she slid it over Meg's lips, it seeped through and Meg groaned in relief. She gave her a few sips now Meg's tongue could move again.

Meg looked up at Severus, who was standing very still, his arms folded as usual.

"Why am I here?" she asked finally.

"My thoughts exactly," he intoned softly. "Seems you took a flying leap off the stairs, do you recall?"

"Flying? Was I flying? I can't fly, not very well!" Meg tried very hard to think clearly.

"Don't worry too much yet, it'll come back to you," Poppy said kindly. "Do you want a pain potion?"

"Yes, please." She nodded, she felt so confused, so disorientated; as if her mind had a black corner that she couldn't see into.

"Can you remember anything?" he asked again, he turned the chair round the right way and sat back down.

"Um…" Meg fought hard, but it was too dark, too black.

"Some first years found you at the bottom of the stairs. You'd fallen," he supplied when he saw she was struggling. Relief was flooding through him, making his voice sharp.

"Fell?" She raised her hand to the bruising on her head and winced as she caught the cut. He reached out and took her hand.

"Don't fiddle with it," he commanded, but he didn't let go of her hand. She curled her fingers around his and smiled as Poppy brought back the pain potion.

He didn't let go of her hand; it seemed silly to try to deny anything when Poppy knew he'd been sitting here all night.

"Thanks… I fell then?" she drank the potion down, making a face at the foul taste.

"Broke your leg and hit your head. You were very lucky, it could have been much worse!"

Meg's eyes opened wide.

"Lucky? Could have been worse?" She had felt something flicker through her at that.

She was aware of Poppy saying something about head injuries, but she was frantically trying to catch hold of the image that had appeared. Her grip tightened on his hand, till he thought she was going to break it.

"Relax, you don't have brain damage, well, none that we didn't already know about."

"Severus, please!" Poppy glared at him, and he shrugged. He couldn't stop the way he spoke; it wasn't something that he even thought about. Insults just slipped out without any premeditated effort on his behalf. He looked down at her, but she hadn't even acknowledged he'd spoken.

"Megan?" he spoke her name softly. He frowned in concern she was staring at the ceiling so intently.

"I remember now," she muttered. "I came out of the staff room, I was in a hurry and my robes got caught in my boot; I tried to grab something, anything but…" she stopped, closing her eyes, weariness washed over her. The potion had taken effect and she was feeling woozy.

"Go to sleep child, it's okay, you took a nasty fall but it'll be okay now." Poppy's kind voice made her smile as she drifted to sleep, her hand still curled tightly round his.

* * *

"Yes, well, if you didn't insist on flying without a broomstick you wouldn't have missed the outings!" Remus and Sirius sat on the end of her bed, both grinning like idiots at her.

"You've heard of wandless magic; I thought I'd try broomstickless flying." She grinned back; watching Sirius stuff one of the chocolate frogs into his mouth before it hopped away.

"It's been too long," he sighed as inspected the card to see who he'd got.

"What has?" Remus asked casually.

"Eating chocolate frogs and sitting in here, mind you, it used to be James in the bed. Although you're a darn sight better looking than James was!"

Remus patted his friend's shoulder.

"Who's James?" asked Meg, grabbing the last remaining Chocolate frog before Sirius.

"Spoilsport, they weren't bought for you, every one knows that this sort of stuff is bought for visitors only!" Sirius pouted at her, making her laugh.

"James was Harry's dad," Remus answered her question.

"I'm surprised Snape hasn't told you about it," Sirius said quietly looking at Remus.

"Told me what?" she asked, stuffing the frog into her mouth. She'd been here for three days now and was almost completely better. She still suffered from headaches every now and then, and her leg was still stiff, but the worst had passed.

"All the fun and games we had with Snape," Sirius laughed, and it wasn't a nice sound.

"You were friends here?" she asked doubtfully, it seemed odd that he'd react so badly to his presence if they'd been friends.

Sirius snorted and nudged Remus before helping himself to a handful of toffee that Neville had made especially for her.

"You tell it…" he said round a mouthful of the sticky sweet.

"Severus was a lonely boy," Remus began awkwardly.

"Damn ugly too, still is," Sirius interjected, his mouth still full.

Meg blushed slightly. Didn't they know about them?

"He was a typical Slytherin. And they took any chance to get us into trouble, so we defended ourselves…" Remus shifted, very uncomfortable now.

"Naturally," Sirius added.

"How?" she asked softly, already getting a picture in her mind.

"Oh just silly childish stuff, jokes, pranks, exploding ink pots, silly stuff." Remus cleared his throat. "But that's in the past…"

"You're forgetting the good part, Lupin; wouldn't want her to miss that, would we?" came the silky soft and extremely icy tones of Snape.

Meg looked up to see Snape standing in the doorway, his face black as thunder. She shivered; he looked so angry, so dangerously angry.

"Severus, didn't see you there." Remus jumped up, as if he'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Obviously not, well come on then, don't keep the young lady in suspense; enlightened her with your more daring acts of humour."

Meg frowned and looked at Remus who was genuinely looking upset; she looked at Sirius who was just smirking quietly.

"I think we've tired you out enough!" Sirius jumped off the bed and took his dog form.

"That's very convenient isn't it, always was good at leaving you to pick up the pieces." Snape sneered at the dog, but spoke to Remus.

Remus didn't say a word just headed out the door, the dog in front of him.

Snape watched them go and then turned to Meg; his sneer still very much present.

"What did they do?" she asked, her earlier good humour disappeared.

"I didn't come here to discuss Black or my past," he informed her curtly, and came forward to sit on the chair by her bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and his tone was softer, kinder and Meg sighed.

"Feeling much better; I'm allowed out tomorrow, on good behaviour mind." She grinned at him and offered him a toffee.

"Good behaviour? You'll still be in here when you retire, Longbottoms?" She nodded and he took one.

"Have most of the students gone now?"

"Yes, fortunately Malfoy has gone home. The Weasley's unfortunately, have not. Neither has Potter or Longbottom." He sighed, making Meg laugh.

"You know, it never ceases to amaze me why you chose to take up teaching."

"Who says I chose to?" he asked darkly and took another toffee.

She stared at him, puzzled.

"But if you didn't, how did you become a teacher?"

"A very long and boring story I can assure you. Now tell me, what are your plans for the holidays? Will you be going home too?"

"No." She shook her head as she rummaged through the bag of Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans, hoping she wouldn't get anything too disgusting.

"Staying here?"

"Yeah… eew! That's disgusting… I have no idea… oh!" She spat the bean out into her hand, making him grimace.

"Do you have too? If you don't like them, throw them out." He shuddered in distaste at the sticky mess in her hand.

"I can't!" she cried horrified. "Ginny Weasley brought them up."

He shook his head frowning.

"Well, eat these then." And he drew out of his robes a bag of chocolate covered raisins.

"My favourite, thank you!" she cried and sitting forward threw her arms around his neck.

He didn't think, just reacted, he enclosed her into his arms and held her tightly. He buried his head in her neck and whispered softly, "I thought I was going to loose you."

It was the only reference he'd made to how he'd felt and it made Meg's heart jump happily.

"It'll take more than flying lessons off some stairs to get rid of me!"

He held her tightly for several minutes, just breathing in the sweet smell he'd come to associate as all her own. Not even realising he'd missed it, till he smelt it again.

"You'd better not be wiping that half chewed bean down my robes," he muttered, suddenly feeling out of balance, out of control. He needed to get his emotions in reign; he was getting scared.

She laughed and drew back slightly.

"Not your robes, just your hair." She lay back against the bed.

"Wouldn't show up in all the filth anyway," came a hard cold voice.

Meg looked up and saw Dean standing at the bottom of the bed, eyeing them both nastily. She froze, a feeling of unease settled over her heart.

"What do you want?" Snape demanded, his voice silky soft, like velvet covering steel.

"Just to see how she was." He shrugged. "Could have been much worse, or so I've been told."

He turned and left the infirmary. Meg sighed, refusing to let him bother her.

"Insufferable bastard," she muttered.

"That's my nickname, remember?" Snape lent forward and brushed his fingers down her cheek.

"Nah, your nickname is Sexy Sevvy," she said perfectly straight-faced, his touch relaxing her.

His eyebrows shot up, a glint of humour in his eyes, his lips twitched slightly and then he smiled at her properly.

"Hum, no permanent damage to your ability to be a brat then I see!"

"Nope, none at all. Besides you should be flattered; I don't bestow that nickname on many you know!" She winked. "Come to think of it, you're the only Sexy Sevvy I know."

"Shut up woman!" he growled, the humour still evident in his eyes, even though his sneer was back.

"Nope, I've got four days worth of bugging you to catch up on!"

"Merlin help me," he sighed and leaning forward pressed his lips to hers.

A/N: I'm not sure if I should be putting a disclaimer at the top of each chapter… sometimes I remember, more often I don't!

I hope I haven't gone over the top again! Probably, but it just kinda came out this way. He has to realise sooner or later that he's fallen for her (what's the point of a romance otherwise? I'm a sucker for romances!) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!

I know Sirius and Remus just seem to be thrown in for the fun of it, and they probably are. It just seemed to make some fun at the time. They'll pop up occasionally I hope… ;-) They're just a side show so it doesn't matter much to the plot. (Plot? What plot?)

Dean starts to come into his own now that it's blatantly obvious that Meg is happy with life.

Thanks for such lovely reviews! I can't get over the nice things you're all saying! It makes me so happy!!! I love writing about Severus. He's such a mean old goat that it's impossible for me to leave him alone, tweaking with his character is a lot of fun! Plus I have an unhealthy obsession for all that black he wears! And those eyes…. and hands… yeah well! Gotta go post it now!

Have a happy day!!

P.S. P.A.R. I can't find any of your stories… can't find anything under P.A.R. Please can you leave me your pen-name! Thanks!!!

P.P.S What's this Beta-ing business I keep reading about in other people's reviews… Now you know I'm over the hill… when I went to school computers were a luxury… and programming was in BBC Basic!!! There you go! Old!

If anyone can inform this old maid I'd be very happy! Thanks!


	13. Diagon Alley and Ice Cream

A/N: Updated 2008

A:N/ I just want to apologise ahead of this for my rather lame attempt at making up words for curses and spells. My Latin is a good as my ability to leave the biscuit tin unopened!

I hope you enjoy it all the same.

* * *

"Christmas," he snapped, "Is a highly over-rated holiday. It's not even as if half the kids here know what it's all about," he settled himself into the armchair, a huge volume of Potion Brewing in the Middle Ages' on his lap.

"Bah! Humbug!" Meg scoffed with a grin. "We should rename you Scrooge..."

"I'm not saying anything about the giving and receiving of presents..."

"Giving? Have you got me a present?" Meg's ears pricked up hopefully. "Is it edible?"

He sent her a particularly scornful sneer and carried on speaking as he turned the pages.

"The true roots of Christmas is, of course, the Pagan Festival of Saturnalia."

"Sun worshipping," she nodded. "Yes, I know that Severus, but you can't begrudge the children their fun."

"Why not?" he grumbled, he hated Christmas time. It was just another reminder of everything he could never be, or hope to have.

Meg rested her chin on her hand and gazed out of her window, she could just make out the edge of the lake from here.

"You're just being grouchy," she sighed. "Christmas means a lot to them, let them be for once!"

"It doesn't mean anything to me, just another chance to spend a lot of money and get truly grumpy after!"

"Oh, you really are a scrooge aren't you," she cried out laughing at him. "Besides it's not like you need an excuse to be grumpy! You're doing a fine job now and it's still four days to Christmas Day!"

"I am not," he denied, his eyes snapping with anger.

"You are! Bet you wouldn't complain about being swept under the Mistletoe!" She slid of the seat and pattered over to him, her hand subconsciously rubbing her thigh were her leg had been broken. Even though it was more than a week since Poppy had let her go, it still hurt her occasionally.

He watched her come over and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you going to do? I want to read this!" He eyed her warily as she perched on the edge of his chair.

"If you wanted to read it, you wouldn't have been moaning about Christmas for the past ten minutes, are we acquainted with Mister Dickens' A Christmas Carol?" she asked him as she plucked the unopened book from his hand and slid down onto his lap.

"I am not and never have been like Scrooge and I take great offence in you suggesting otherwise!"

"Are you sure you're not like Scrooge?" She slid her finger nail down over his cheek making him narrow his eyes at her.

"Positive!" Despite his annoyance with her, his hands slid round her waist.

"So what have you got me then?" She leant her head on his shoulder and looked up at his face.

"I am not going to tell you," he smirked. "You can wangle all you like, you can irritate as much as you like; I will not tell you, if indeed I have bought you anything. Brat!"

"Spoilsport!" she laughed and slid her hand round his neck. Her eyes closing, she was comfortable and secure sitting on his lap, with his arms around her. He didn't always like it, and sometimes she had to accept that he just didn't want her touching him, but now, he was relaxed and so was she. She snuggled her head under his chin and sighed.

"Severus?" she felt him sigh under her.

"What now?"

"Can we go to Diagon Alley before the shops all shut?"

"No."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I have no desire to go there again anytime soon. I still bear the mental scares from trying to control hundreds of excitable students!"

"Oh, okay!" She leaned up and kissed his cheek before slipping of his lap and handing him back his book. "Do you want me to bring you anything back then?" she asked casually.

"You're going?"

"Yup! I was really looking forward to going. Well, I wasn't looking forward to a whole day with Dean, but to go to Diagon Alley; I had this huge list that still needs doing!"

She crossed to the window and sat on the sill, looking out of the window. She saw Harry and Ron crossing the Quidditch pitch, broomsticks in hand.

"You're not going alone," he snapped.

She felt a flash of anger go through her.

"Severus, I'm nearly twenty seven, not seven. I'm quite capable of going alone if I want to. I won't be using my broomstick so..."

"I'm not letting you go alone." he cut her off firmly.

She turned to stare at him incredulously.

"You're joking!"

"I don't joke!" He set the book on the side and stood up to come towards her.

"Give me one good reason," she demanded standing up to give her a bit more height. He was still a lot taller than she was and he used it to intimidate her. He stood now, glaring down at her, that infernal sneer on his face.

"You seem to have developed an accident streak," he pointed out softly, his face dark, his eyebrows drawn together in a mean frown.

"I fell down some stairs; that was ages ago!" she cried out.

"Twelve days ago," he corrected her making her huff at him in annoyance. "Have we forgotten our little dive into the frozen river at Hogsmede? And how about yesterday? What happened yesterday? You seemed to have developed an accidental streak."

Meg scowled; yesterday she had almost caught her classroom on fire when she had left a cauldron lit unattended. Problem was she didn't remember lighting the fire or even needing to use that cauldron; if it hadn't been for a first year Slytherin who just happened to chance that way… She pushed it from her mind and looked up at him innocently.

"Wrong time of the month?" she shrugged.

"Again?" he raised an eyebrow at her. "Yes, you do tend to get scatty and not to mention extremely ill-tempered, but the timing is wrong." He sighed and gripped her shoulders.

"Is going so important?"

"Yes!" She nodded her head. "I wanted to get my wand checked, I'm sure it's been playing up." She frowned and suddenly felt very unhappy, she needed to feel him holding her. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, gripping him tightly, burying her face in his chest.

He didn't hesitate, as he would have done once, he slid his arm around her waist. His other hand went to her hair, sliding his fingers in and gripped a handful quite tightly; his thumb brushing over the strands.

"Tomorrow, we can go tomorrow. But I do not intend spending the day traipsing round sweet shops, understand?"

"You think I'm a pig, don't you?" she muttered into the warmth of his coat.

He chuckled softly before sliding his hand down from her hair to cup her hip.

"I know you are," he smirked and pressed her close to him.

"What made you change your mind?" she asked him quietly.

"The thought that if we set you loose on Diagon Alley alone, it could only result in mayhem."

"You really know how to flatter a girl, don't you," she huffed, her hands creeping up his back to grip his shoulders.

"Flattery is pointless."

"Flattery will get you anywhere," she corrected smiling, her cheek pressed into his coat.

"Really? Perhaps I should test it; have I told you lately that you're still as annoyingly irritating as you used to be."

"I think your dictionary must be different from everyone else's!" She lifted her head to glare at him.

"Oh?" he mocked her softly. "Was I suppose to lie?"

"Damn you, Snape." She tried to be annoyed, but his hand began to roam, seeking out the warm flesh under her jumper, he trailed his fingers across her skin and chuckled smugly when he felt her shiver under his touch.

"I thought you wanted to read "Potion Brewing in the Middle Ages!" She smiled unable to stop herself from wriggling under his insistent touch.

"It's waited a thousand years, it can wait a bit more."

"You're impossible!"

"I think the word is insatiable," he murmured with a wicked grin.

* * *

Meg sat with the students as she ate her breakfast. Ron, Harry, Neville and Ginny were the only Gryffindors present.

Ginny was quiet and paler than usual. There was a noticeable gap between her and Ron who was sitting slightly turned away from her. Meg's heart went out to the girl; she looked lost and very unhappy.

"What are you all up to today?" she asked then casually. She was waiting for Snape to finish getting ready and then they were going to set off.

"Quidditch practise." Harry smiled,

"Ginny?" Meg looked at Ginny who was pushing her toast around on her plate with one hand, her other hand she was leaning her chin on.

"Nothing much," she replied quietly.

"Come and watch us?" offered Harry. Meg didn't miss the look of distaste that crossed Ron's face.

Ginny looked at Ron, but he kept his eyes on his plate.

"Ron?" she asked quietly, waiting for him to speak.

"What?" he looked up then, his face set and hard. "You can do what you want, free country and all."

Ginny made a choking sound before getting up and rushing out of the hall.

Meg set her toast down with a sigh and stood up to go.

"Ron, I know you're hurting, but some things are not worth losing your family over."

"She's seeing that git, Malfoy!" he cried. "How can I get over that?"

"By being her brother. By trying to see past your own dislike of him and trying to see how much Ginny is hurting right now," she said, kindly, quietly.

"She should have thought about that before she said yes to that...that..." he huffed, his own toast abandoned now as his face became as red as his hair.

"Ron. Love doesn't make life easy, it isn't about logical choices. It can happen without you realising it. She firmly believes she loves Draco and he believes he loves her; only time will tell if it's more than just puppy love. But even if it is just puppy love and nothing comes from it, it feels just as strong and hurts just as much as the real thing. If anything she needs your support now, one way or the other she's going to have to know that you're there for her. It's unconditional, Ron, if you love her; you love her faults and all!"

He swallowed convulsively, his face reflecting his unhappiness.

"You think she's betrayed you, don't you," She whispered and sighed when he nodded.

"She hasn't you know, not intentionally." She picked up the toast still lying on her plate.

"Think about it, Ron, sometimes in life things can get out of control. If you have a family around you that loves you and supports you no matter what, nothing else can ever matter! You may need her support one day. Don't destroy it now for something that just isn't worth it!"

Ron blanched and fidgeted under her gaze.

"But his father, he's a Death Eater, everyone knows that. Except the ministry of course!" he spat angrily.

Meg had to be careful here, careful not to speak slanderously.

"Your father works for the ministry, correct?"

"Yes."

"So you work for the ministry right?"

"No… I... No. But this is different; Malfoy has always been a nasty piece of work. He hates mixed bloodlines, he's just a Death Eater in training."

"I admit sometimes Mister Malfoy has his moments. But everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone! He's lived differently to you; been exposed to different ideals than you. He appears to be changing slightly; time will tell if it's temporary or permanent. In the meantime, maybe we should offer him the benefit of the doubt. Ginny could just be the person to make a difference."

"And if she gets herself hurt?" he demanded. "Seriously hurt?"

"It's still her decision," Meg said sadly. "I know it's hard, Ron, it can be really hard standing by someone and watching them do something that you know can harm them. But if you love them, you have to let them go, just make sure they know that you're there no matter what the outcome." She smiled wistfully at him "The only life you can control is your own."

He nodded slowly, obviously thinking over her words.

"Now, if I don't get a move on my mode of transport will go without me!"

"Where are you going?" asked Neville, who hadn't said a word the whole time.

"Diagon Alley, I missed the outing; you guys want anything? Within reason!" she warned, but they shook their heads and she left smiling. She didn't see Dean sitting some tables away. He watched as she left the hall, his eyes narrowed in hate. He waited for five minuets before getting up and wrapping his cloak around him and leaving the great hall quietly; a determined look on his face.

* * *

Snape was waiting for her by the front doors, his arms folded, his face dark and impatient.

"There you are, did you loose yourself in the pile of toast again?" he asked her scornfully.

"A healthy appetite is nothing to be ashamed of Severus!" She grinned at him.

"Humph!" he snorted. "Even if you could do with staying away from food for several days?"

Meg stopped suddenly, a thought suddenly cross her mind. Did he consider her fat? Granted she was no willowy thing, she wasn't skinny, not even slender. She'd been a bit unsure at first, about her body, knowing it was "Cuddly". But he'd never seem to mind before.

She followed him to where he had his broomstick leaning against the wall.

"Ready?" he looked at her, just standing staring at the broomstick, her face blank, her eyes cast downwards. All thoughts of her weight gone at the sight of the broomstick; she had assumed they would apparate.

"What now?" he demanded. "Don't you dare tell me you've changed your mind," he snapped impatiently.

"I... Nothing!" She stepped forward and perched sideways on the broomstick, he got on behind her and slid his hand round her waist.

"Can't we just apparate?" she asked quietly.

"You've just eaten, I don't want you throwing up all over me!"

"I may be sick on this thing," she pointed out.

"Well, just lean over and don't you dare throw up on me or my boots. Got it?" He held the broomstick tightly and kicked off the ground.

She closed her eyes, as they got higher and higher; her hold on the broomstick tighter than a death grip.

"Relax, I won't let you fall," he murmured into her ear.

She shuddered and turned her face to bury it into his neck. His hold on her waist tightened. It seemed to last forever but it must have only been ten minutes or so; and then they were back on the ground.

"One of my better landings!" she quipped in a shaky voice.

"What?" he stood back to look down at her.

"It's a film... a Disney film... can't remember the title but it had a bird in it that was taking some mice to rescue this orphan kid and it couldn't land very well... or take off for that matter!" She saw his look of confusion and sighed. "Never mind, I know what I'm talking about."

"I'm come to conclusion that you are the only one who does."

"Not true. My mother used to know exactly what I was on about," she defended herself and allowed him to lead her to where the train was waiting at the platform.

He directed her onto the train and into an empty compartment.

"And your father?" he asked as she sat down opposite him so they both could look out of the window.

"He tried, bless him." She smiled as she watched the people on the platform milling up and down.

"How long have they been dead?"

"You know?" she asked in surprise.

"You told me, in one of your fits of rambling," he smirked and took off his cloak.

"Oh." She vaguely remembered waffling at him. "They died about four years ago now."

"Same time?" he asked casually, his eyes intent on a woman outside who was having trouble with a screaming child.

He was prying, but he was doing it in the way he was best at. The way he could guarantee that she would give him the answers without even knowing she was telling him.

"Yes, well almost, my mother died first and my father died a couple of months after."

"How did they die?" he asked quietly, his voice so low and deep it curled round her like velvet, relaxing her, lulling her into speaking without thinking.

"My mother had degenerative brain decease. She was diagnosed in the August and died the following year. It slowly reduced her to a vegetative state; she was unable to do anything for herself in the end. My father did everything for her. He died three months after she did. She was his whole world; I guess when he didn't have her anymore, life wasn't worth living." She spoke softly, her own eyes fixed on the woman who had managed to restrain the child long enough to try to get on the train.

"He committed suicide?" Snape asked surprise evident in his voice.

"Heavens no!" His question startling her. "They told us it was a heart attack, but we think he just gave up."

"We? I'd always thought you were an only child."

Meg looked up from the magazine she'd picked up from the seat beside her.

"Why?" she asked, her face had resumed its blank features. She was glad that he wasn't making any sympathy noises. But then she knew he would never coddle her, never coat things in sugar to try and make it feel better. It just wasn't in him.

"It would explain why you are such a brat at times," he remarked coolly, he looked at her intently, without blinking.

"A brat eh?" She frowned at him. "I take it then that you were an only child too."

"No, as a matter of fact I was not."

"Well, neither am I," she returned equally coolly. "So I think we can safely say that shoots that theory down in flames!"

"Apparently so," he smirked.

She turned her nose up at him and hid behind her magazine.

"See? Brat; and a very snooty one at that," he murmured, but she refused to rise to his bait.

She kept the magazine in front of her face, although she was looking out the window. The train set off and soon they were racing past some of the most beautiful countryside Meg had ever seen.

She set her magazine aside and concentrated on looking at the scenery. They were silent till they were passed Shap and then the scenery became flat and monotonous.

"Severus, do you consider me to be fat?" she asked him suddenly, breaking him from the book he was reading.

"Do I what?" he asked, his tone of voice showed his surprise.

"Do you think I'm fat?"

"Why would you ask that?" he demanded and shut his book.

"I just wondered, the things you say sometimes." Her face blank again, but her eyes revealing her insecurity.

He sighed and leant back against the headrest.

"No, I do not consider you to be fat, I won't tease you again."

"Oh I don't mind, it's just, well I'm no "Witch Weekly" model!" She held up a picture of a stunningly beautiful witch who had a flimsy robe on and was smiling seductively at him now and winking.

"For which I am extremely grateful," he retorted. "All skin and bones, and I'm not saying that's bad if you were designed that way, but to deliberately starve yourself to resemble a wand?" he shuddered. "Megan, you suit me fine. It's nice to hold someone that I'm not worried about hurting."

"Oh, thanks, I think." She frowned at his choice of words.

He sighed and tapped his fingers on his knee in impatience.

"You are sensitive today!" he snorted. "I'll say it clearer for you. I like the fact that you're curved where you should be. I don't have to think about what damage I might do were you thinner than you are and I am on top of you, clear?"

She nodded and shrugged, going back to her magazine, before looking up again.

"I just wondered that's all." She shrugged again.

"Megan, I've been commenting on your eating habits from the first day I met you; why has it taken you this long to question it? You haven't been worrying have you?"

"No, no, I haven't. It's... I don't know... it just kinda popped into my head."

"Hum, well don't let it stay there. And don't stop eating like a horse just for my benefit," he intoned lazily. "I like you as you are."

He sat there, watching her as she began flipping through the magazine. She had looked so insecure for a moment; insecurity that he had never seen in her before. Even when she revealed her history with Rider, even when she'd accused him of making her feel cheap, even when he'd insisted that he didn't love her. He hadn't seen insecurity in her at all. Maybe he should just tell her, three little words that by saying them out loud would change everything.

Tell her that she could wear sackcloth and ashes and he'd still think her the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. Tell her that even when she was feeling like hell, smack in the middle of her period, when she had a row of little spots that cropped up on her nose, that she was still the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

He did love her, he was certain of that. But if he told her, he was afraid he'd loose control of the situation. He'd sworn when he'd left Voldemort's service that he would never again let another person dictate to him. Never let another person have that control over him. He was afraid that if she knew, it would change everything, which it would. As things stood, he had the upper hand over her; he was in control of what happened. He wanted to keep it that way; so he would keep quite. Things suited him this way and, being essentially self-centred, he saw no reason to change things. He had other ways of showing her he thought her attractive. Ways that were far safer; ways that wouldn't need to be discussed in the plain light of day. Ways that wouldn't inflict any lasting damage should she ever realise who she lay beside at night.

A/N: This and the next chapter were one originally. I've had to make two chapters along the way just to keep the right number of chapters.


	14. Christmas Day

Usual Disclaimer: Updated March 2008.

* * *

The interior of the shop was dim, and dusty. The walls of the shop were lined with hundreds of wands in their boxes, just waiting for the right person to come for them.

Meg sniffed deeply, loving the smell of the shop. It reminded her of the first time she entered here with her father to buy her wand.

Mr Ollivander came through from the back of the shop. He surveyed them quietly as he came forward, waiting for his memory to supply the girl's name. His memory was flawless; give him a face and he could remember exactly what wand he'd sold them. Meg was no exception.

"Hello, Professor Snape. Professor Kincaid. I see you're teaching at Hogwarts now. Congratulations."

"Thank you." She smiled brightly at him and getting straight to the point she laid her wand on the counter.

"Mr. Ollivander, it's my wand."

"A nice one too, I remember you getting it." He smiled at her. "Ten inches, ebony with a heart string of Dragon. Ah! You've looked after it. Has it treated you well?"

"Yes, well, up till now; I think something's wrong"

" Really? Why?" He picked it up, surprise on his face.

Meg saw Snape drift towards the windows as she replied.

"It's doing strange things. About a week ago I wanted to transfigure something and it didn't work; nothing happened." She told him, folding her hands in front of her.

"Really?" His eyebrows went up as he peered at her over the top of his glasses.

"Yes, then the other night I tried Luminos and it didn't work either. Nothing happened at all."

"Curious," he murmured and held it out to her.

"Turn my book into a lamp please," he asked her, she muttered the spell and watched as the book slowly turned into a lamp.

"And back again, please." Snape had come across now and he stood at her elbow watching. The book re-appeared and Ollivander frowned.

"Very strange indeed." He took the wand from her and held it up, balancing it on one finger.

"Wingardium Leviosa," he muttered and the wand rose slightly, holding perfectly still and perfectly horizontal.

"Hum, its balance is perfect; Revealto Imperfecto." He shook his head when nothing happened.

"I can find no fault." He rubbed his fingers across his chin.

"It took a soaking recently when it fell into a river." She blushed slightly. "But I had it cared for and I was assured that it was fine."

"Wendoline's Wands in Hogsmede was it?"

"Yes. Wendoline saw to it herself. She had it for three days, gave it a complete check over and she said it had done no damage at it."

"Wendoline knows what she is saying," he murmured, fingering the wand carefully. "The river outside Hogwarts I suppose?" He watched her nod at him. "If it had been salt water I would be inclined to think the heart string might have shrunk; but fresh water wouldn't do any harm at all. How strange."

"Don't over-react to this, Professor Kincaid, but is it possible you merely said the spells incorrectly?" Snape waited for the outburst he was sure to get at suggesting she was using incorrect charms.

"No." She shook her head frowning. "That's what I thought. But it kept on happening." She shrugged. "Maybe I'm in need of a few hours tutoring in "foolish wand waving"." She nudged Snape and winked at him; but he remained frowning down at her wand.

"Have you been under any tension recently?" Mister Ollivander asked kindly.

"She fell down some steps recently and took a blow to her head." Snape informed him before Meg could say anything. She glared up at him but remained silent.

"That could be it; do you still suffer with headaches?"

Meg shifted uncomfortable, wishing Snape a million miles away now. He'd often asked her if her head was troubling her but she'd always lied and told him no. She didn't want to make a fuss.

"Er, um, occasionally, not blinding ones; just ordinary run of the mill ones that every teacher gets, including you I'm sure, Professor Snape."

"Quit covering your lies, we'll talk about that later," he told her coldly. He looked at Mr. Ollivander, who was watching them with interest.

"She was supposed to inform Madam Pomfrey of any pain, apparently she hasn't."

Meg rolled her eyes and sighing took her wand back.

"So it's that is it?"

"I can't say for sure." He was frowning. "You've had it a while, it would be attune to your moods." He shook his head in regret. "If it still acts up, come back and we'll find you another."

"Thank you." She smiled at him and tried to prolong leaving the shop; but eventually Snape almost dragged her out.

"I'm waiting!" He caught her elbow and steered her into The Leaky Cauldron'. He sat her down at a table and ordered some drinks.

"Care to explain now?" He sat with his arms folded on the table in front of him, his black eyes daring her to lie again.

"It's nothing, I used to get headaches before I fell; I can't keep hopping up to Poppy every time I get a twinge." she sighed.

"Megan. You can be so incredibly stupid. You knocked yourself out. You have a bruise which can still be seen in certain lights; a headache in these circumstances isn't to be taken lightly."

"I need to go the ladies!" She abruptly stood up, and walked out to the back of the Inn. She heard his angry hiss; knew he'd be livid with her when she got back. But for a minute she just wanted some peace and quite, her head was beginning to throb and she really didn't need to hear a lecture.

She went into the corridor behind the main counter and started towards the bathrooms. She was just outside the ladies when the lamps went out and she was plunged into darkness.

"Oh great," she muttered and drew out her wand.

"Luminos." But nothing happened.

"Damn wand!" she hissed and shook it up and down.

"Luminos," she repeated, but still nothing happened.

"Is there a problem with your wand, Meg?" came a low voice from behind her as the lamps suddenly lit again.

She turned sharply and saw Dean leaning casually against the wall arms folded.

"What are you doing here?" she squeaked, surprise making her voice high.

"Having a drink and something to eat; are you feeling all right, you seem a little flustered."

"I'm fine! Now go away," she hissed.

"I saw you with Snape; what were you so intently discussing out there?"

"Quidditch!" she spat. "Now back off!"

"Why do I doubt you'd be talking about Quidditch?" he laughed and pushed himself away from the wall to come towards her.

"It's none of your business what we were talking about," she said tightly, she felt very uncomfortable with him so close. She clutched her wand tightly.

"Now that sounds more like it," he laughed stopping just in front of her.

She instinctively raised her wand at him.

"Don't come any closer or I'll blast you into next week," she hissed at him, more scared than she cared to admit.

"I'd really like to see you try, Meg." He stepped closer a smug look on his face.

"Stupify," she cried, and nothing happened.

He clapped his hands together mockingly.

"Excellent." He stepped forward again his hand snaking up quickly to grip her round the throat, he thrust her backwards into the wall with force. Her breath was knocked out of her.

"How's your classroom?" he hissed, his voice and eyes full of venom. "I heard you nearly burnt it down, that wasn't very clever was it. Are you beginning to loose it? Forgetfulness is one thing but that was just plain dangerous."

"Get your filthy hands off me before I scream," she hissed, trying to drag his hand away and get her breath back.

"Oh, dear, then I'll just have to do this." He pointed her wand at her throat and Meg felt it seize. She tried to scream but no sound came from her throat.

"And I would so love to hear you screaming," he murmured. He kept his hand around her throat and drew his other one down her arm till he reached the edge of her robe. He slid his hand up her arm inside her jumper till he was gripping her forearm painfully.

"Does Snape make you scream?" he muttered.

Meg grew cold with fear. Her whole body screamed in fear and pain as his fingers dug deeper and deeper. The wand pressed deeply into the skin of her arm.

"Would you like me to make you scream?" He let her go and she slumped to the floor, her legs refusing to hold her up.

"Let me think, what can I do that won't look too obvious?" he pointed his wand at her.

She tried to get to her feet, but he brought his booted foot into her stomach, making her cough in pain, holding her down.

Hum, perhaps when you're back at school, another fall? Another broken bone? Shame you didn't get burnt by that potion, never mind, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" He laughed and in that instant she knew he was a little mad and it frightened her more than anything ever had.

"I can't wait till then though; you need to feel pain don't you. Pain purifies the soul. You should really suffer; taking a life is the worst sin you can commit. It's going to take so much pain before you're even close to being purified. But you'll thank me in the end."

He drew his wand down to her stomach.

"Agonortus," he whispered and Meg screamed silently as the pain twisted her insides into knots. He stepped backwards and smiled watching her writhing in pain.

"That should do," he muttered the counter curse and she slumped into a heap, sweat breaking out over her forehead.

"Obliviate," he whispered and bending over her he whispered quietly in her ear "You fell over again and you really don't want Snape to find out." He freed his vocal cords with a wave of his wand before he moved quickly away, waiting for the curse to take effect.

He watched from where she couldn't see him; a malicious grin curving his lips.

Meg rubbed her head; a black cloud hovered over her vision. Where was she? She felt as if she was just waking up from a very deep sleep, her head was aching slightly and she felt slightly nauseous. Her stomach felt as if it was on fire; a sob escaped her throat as the pain racked through her. She curled up, her knees tight to her chin; she just wanted to die.

She could hear the noises of the Inn behind her, and slowly her thought process kicked back in. Severus had been angry with her, she remembered getting up and walking away before she ended up slapping him.

What was she doing on the floor? Why did she feel so bad?

Did she trip again?

She had vague thoughts about falling, must have banged her stomach on something; the pain began to ebb away gradually leaving her feeling more cramped than painful. She got to her feet glad no one had witnessed this latest clumsy act. She took a moment, bent double, her arm protectively around her middle. Then she straightened up; a wave of nausea hit her and she just made it into the bathroom in time.

Snape glared at her as she sat down still feeling very disorientated. The pain had faded to a dull ache in her stomach; but she was still very foggy in her head. She couldn't remember falling; not this time, but it was there in the back of her mind; a whisper that she'd fallen again. She stared down at her drink, completely unaware of Snape's concerned gaze on her white face. She picked her drink up and sipped it slowly; the hot tea helped to settle the sick feeling that still hovered slightly.

"Care to explain why you stormed out again?"

Meg valiantly fought to get her mind under control, but the cotton wool that seemed to be her brain didn't want to comply.

"I'm fine, Severus. Please trust me. If I felt something was wrong I'd go and see Poppy." She couldn't meet his gaze. The accusation LIAR!' went through her mind. She'd realised that recently she'd become very clumsy, but it wasn't that that worried her.

It was the times like this, when something happened and she couldn't really remember it; except for a hazy hint of a whisper. It was strange and frightening because she'd seen something similar before; with her mother. She'd told Snape about her mother, but she hadn't told him everything. She hadn't told him how her mother had started to get ill. How she'd forget things, places, her own name sometimes. Then it got worse, as she regressed back into her childhood. Meg shook her head to clear her mind of those images. She wasn't going that way. It wasn't hereditary; it was just a gruel twist of fate. It wasn't possible for either her or her brother to inherit it from her mother; all the professionals had told them at the time. But that knowledge didn't take the cold fear away from the corners of her mind.

"Megan, do you want to go back?" his deep voice cut into her thoughts and she sat up, looking up at him quickly.

"Sorry? I was miles away."

"What is wrong? Do you have a headache?"

"It's fine really Severus. It's just a niggle, I always get headaches after travelling on trains."

"Convenient," he sneered and reached forward to touch her forehead.

"You're sweaty, but you're not running a temperature."

"I ran some water over my face out back. I'm fine can we please get on with ... whatever."

"If you have a headache maybe you could try and use your wand."

"Good idea," she agreed and slipped it from her sleeve.

She bit her lip and a ghost of a smile crossed her face, just before she tried to charm Severus nose into a melon. Nothing happened.

"He was right," she whispered and put her wand back, she took up the cup of tea and sipped it.

"Apparently so; I'm glad to say," he was aware of the charm she'd uttered. He reached forward and quickly stroked her cheek. She looked up in surprise at the public display of affection.

"Go and see Poppy about your headaches," he said it quietly, none of the usual arrogant sneer present.

She studied his face and saw concern in his eyes; it made her feel good, made her feel safe and secure.

"I'll go tomorrow," she promised him.

"Good." He sat back and the concern was replaced with the sneer.

"Did you have anywhere else in mind today?"

"I need the Apothecary, and Flourish and Blotts," she mused looking out of the window. "And of course the most important stop of all..."

"Ice-cream I suppose," he said dryly and smirked at her

"Do you like ice-cream?" she asked ignoring his mocking.

He nodded and finished his ale.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" she asked and stood up. Her stomach twisted in pain and it showed on her face before she could mask it.

He caught the look straight away and stood up quickly.

"What's up?" he demanded. "Are you in more pain?"

"No, relax will you, I caught my knee getting up," she improvised wildly, realising with a sinking heart how many lies she was starting to tell him.

"I think you need a good sleep, would you take a draught tonight?"

"Living death?" she asked in astonishment. "I don't have any troubles getting to sleep," she pointed out. Her stomach had settled again much to her relief.

"I think it would do you good, twelve hours of sleep that would be heavy enough for your body to mend itself. You underestimate how hard you hit your head."

"If Poppy was in any doubt she'd never have let me out."

"Poppy doesn't know how devious you are; I, on the other hand, do."

"Severus, I am not devious. Take it back!" She went through the door he held open for her.

"Certainly not. You're becoming adept at hiding the truth, or so you think."

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly, as he fell into step with her.

"You've lied several times about your head recently, haven't you?"

"You knew?"

"I knew," he replied; they made their way slowly to the Apothecary.

"You never said."

"You would have just denied it even more," he pointed out

"You make me sound like a liar," she whispered sadly.

"In this instance you are." He heard her gasp of breath but remained silent.

"Everyone has headaches, Severus, and they don't all go trotting up to Poppy. Besides I can brew my own potions, thank you very much."

"Suit yourself, it is after all your body. You are free to abuse it in what ever way you wish."

Meg stopped and glared at him but he kept walking till he was outside the door to the Apothecary. He turned to see her standing in the street; he clucked in impatience.

"Are you going to stand there all day?"

"Sometimes I really don't like you," she hissed as she drew level with him.

"Heavens, no," he mocked her. "How will I live through the night knowing that?"

"Shut up or you might not live through the night, I can brew poison too, y'know."

"Now I'm scared." His tone was bored and cold, making Meg almost spit in annoyance.

"It's nice to know something's never change; your bad attitude for one," she spat at him coldly.

"And your flair for the dramatics," he returned dryly as she stepped inside the shop, her back stiff with resentment.

He moved away before she could come back with some sharp witty retort, not that she could think of any.

She rubbed her hand across her sore stomach and went straight to shelves she wanted. She chose several items from the shelves and took them to the counter to pay. Usually she could spend hours in here, just browsing, studying the jars, packets and other strange items that littered the shelves. But today she just wanted to get out, back into the cold winter sunshine. She received her change with thanks and swept out of the shop, not even waiting to see if he'd finished.

Meg was in dire need of a pick-me-up. Chocolate flavoured with sugar glazed sprinkles. She made her way to the shop and setting her bags down at an outside table plopped down and waited for one of the waitresses to come out and serve her.

She sighed, her mind in a whirl, her thoughts tangled. Sometimes she felt as if she could cheerfully strangle him, he treated her so badly, said some wicked things to her but she always went back for more. He was like a drug that she couldn't free herself from; in truth, drug that she didn't want to be free from. Most of the time she was able to give as good as she got from him; knew that underneath it all he must feel something for her, even if it was just friendship. She knew that Severus was not the sort of man to spend as much time as he did with her if he didn't even like her. He'd even admitted that he did feel something for her. But she didn't feel up to it these days. She felt tired, so very tired; as if she was constantly on the go. As if her brain was working over time, even while she slept. For the last several days she had woken up feeling as if she hadn't gone to sleep at all.

But recently things had changed again beyond the tiredness.

If she was truthful she would have to say it had started with falling down the stairs. Little things had happened that she couldn't understand. Over heated a potion that had she'd been too close would have badly burnt her and the time she left a lit cauldron unattended. She was doing things that ordinarily she wouldn't. And it was making her tense and nervous. Her brain felt like it was a sieve, letting parts of her mind drip out slowly. She hadn't told anyone else, not even Severus, but with everything that happened, she couldn't actually remember it taking place. The same had happened in the pub just now and it frightened her; unsettled her, made her second guess herself, question her sanity.

Snape was just made things harder. She knew it was his way of caring; in that nasty way that he was so good at. She knew when he bullied her, spoke cruelly to her it was to get a reaction. If he didn't care he wouldn't bother at all. He was not a man given to kindness. She doubted he'd ever been kind in his life. Not unless he was getting something for himself. But then she figured, in this instant it was because he wasn't getting anything that made him react to her. Several nights now she'd gone to his rooms as usual. She'd make herself comfortable in his chair while he worked at his desk for a while. She usually read, but several times now, she'd fallen asleep before she'd finished the first page. She'd wake up in his bed the following morning, curled by his side with no recollection of how she got there.

Meg ran a hand through her hair and pulled the hood of her cloak up over her head. It had stopped snowing, but it wasn't melting yet, suggesting more was on the way. She gave a sharp laugh as she questioned the sanity behind eating ice-cream when it was just below freezing and snow still lay under her feet.

She shook her head to clear the tangle of thoughts. Ice-cream would help; chocolate ice-cream would make it all better. At least it had worked when she was a child.

She was half way through a giant tub of double chocolate fudge ice cream when a very annoyed Snape sat down opposite her.

"You really have this amazing knack of walking out on me, don't you. Did your parents neglect their duty in teaching you manners?" his voice was icy cold and dripping with contempt.

Meg bit her lip, her stomach was protesting against the coldness of the ice-cream. Her hands were freezing and her nose was red and runny; she wiped it on a hanky refusing to look at him

"If you really can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all please," she whispered, none of the asperity in her voice that he usually inspired. The chocolate ice-cream wasn't working quite as well as it had.

"Nice?" he spoke the word as if she'd sworn at him. He reached forward and dug a spoon into her tub; she sat back in the chair, pushing it towards him.

"Finish it," she muttered flatly. She had no energy to fight with him.

"I'm concerned." He sat back, the tub resting on his crossed knee; the spoon dangling from long fingers. His black eyes were watching her very closely, keenly.

"Don't be," she replied, watching the passing people with no interest. "I won't inconvenience you."

"What is that suppose to mean?" he asked sharply.

"It means that I'll deal with this myself without you having to worry yourself."

"Deal with what exactly?" he wanted to know his eyes narrowed.

She shrugged and carried on watching the passing people.

"Megan, don't shrug me off, talk to me," he commanded curtly, impatience edging with something else.

"There's nothing to tell. I'll get Madam Pomfrey to check the headaches. Satisfied? Now will you leave me alone?"

"No." He slammed the tub down on the table, causing a few people to look over in interest.

Meg flamed red at the attention and glared at him.

"Now who's working for the Oscar," she spat at him, getting up, brushing some sprinkles from her cloak. Some of her spirit refusing to stay completely down.

"What?" he frowned and then shrugging it off he caught her wrist in an iron grip.

"Don't you dare walk away from me again," his voice was dangerously low.

He drew her back down mercilessly, his fingers biting painfully into her wrist.

"Then don't be so bloody horrible to me," she snapped, painfully aware of both his fingers biting into her wrist and the strange looks people were giving them.

"Shut up, eat some ice-cream and quit whinging," He ordered.

"I'm not one of the students that you can just order around and bully," she informed him, her voice oddly flat.

He stared at her and released her wrist.

"Tell me what's wrong. You promised me once you'd talk to me, not run out," his voice was low and soft, but Meg wasn't fooled.

"I'm just not in the mood for having insults slung at me."

"I insulted you?"

"You called me a liar," she pointed out knowing she was grasping at straws with that one. She watched as more snow began to fall softly from the sky; it landed on his jet back hair, sprinkling it with white before it melted.

"You are," he stated quietly. "You lied to me very time you denied you had a headache, Megan, do I really have to treat you like a child to make you understand?" he shoved the ice-cream to one side and leant forward, completely ignoring anyone who still happened to be watching them.

She still refused to meet his eyes, not ready to see the anger that would be there.

"I do understand. I just wasn't that concerned. Everyone has headaches, now I know for definite it affects my wand I will pay Poppy a visit and get it sorted. Happy?" She still refused to meet his eyes.

Long, hard fingers gripped her chin.

"Look at me," he commanded, tilting her face upwards.

She looked into his black eyes and was taken by the surprise. There was no anger in them; just concern and the depth of it shook her to the core.

"I don't want you hurting," he whispered. He slid his fingers over her chin and cupped her cold cheek.

"Severus, people are watching you, don't you care?" She was wide-eyed, surprised at his show of concern in public.

He arched an eyebrow and smirked at her.

"Why should that concern me? Unless it concerns you; being seen to be intimate with me?" He let go off her instantly and Meg shook her head quickly.

"I don't care about other people. It's just I didn't think you'd..."

"Nobody is watching. They are too wrapped up in their own lives to worry about ours," he remarked and stood up.

"If you are finished I think we'd better get back to the train station."

"Why?" Meg looked up disappointed.

"Because you're paler than the bloody baron, it's snowing and I don't want to get stuck here and... I want to get you home." He held out his hand on the last few words making Meg's eyebrows fly up in surprise. She gathered her bags together and stood up. He reached for her hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. He took her bags with his other hand.

"I did need to go to Flourishes..."

"Is it essential?" he asked her quietly, looking down at her with dark unreadable eyes.

Meg shook her head, her eyes large in her pale face. He was almost being nice and it unsettled her.

"What do you want?" she asked him warily as they headed back to the station.

Severus chuckled but it wasn't a nice sound.

"I suppose I deserve that question," he murmured. "What makes you think I want anything?"

Meg walked beside him, her hand warm. She shrugged, she had enough of lying to him today, beside the fact he seemed to know anyway.

"You're being nice to me," she said quietly.

"Okay, I'll admit it. I do want something," he smiled darkly, his eyes on the path in front of them.

"What?" she asked warily

"I want to get back to Hogwarts without any more insults being thrown and without you storming off to sulk."

"I do not sulk," she denied.

"Hum..." He arched an eyebrow at her. "But you are very accomplished and running off when the going gets tough."

"That's probably because with you the going is always tough," she snapped.

"I see I'm not going to get what I want," he mused dryly.

"You always get what you want, Severus. I've never met a man quite as skilled at getting what they want as you are."

He looked down at her briefly, his eyes narrowed.

"Are you going to chatter all the way home?"

"Probably; especially if it really annoys you," she replied sweetly.

"I'll have to think of a way to shut you up then, hadn't I?"

She settled down next to him on the seat, glad they had an empty compartment again. She reached down and undid her boots, slipping her feet out with a cry of relief.

"I have no idea why you wear those things."

"Comfortable," she replied, indicating the thick soles, as she rubbed her sore feet.

"Clearly," he mocked watching her rub her feet.

"I don't usually walk around Diagon Alley in them." She sat up and curled her feet under her, leaning against him.

She brought her bag up and dug into it and began rummaging through the things she'd bought. It was only a couple of days to Christmas and she had now got all the presents she wanted. She drew out a book "Herbology in your Kitchen by Delilah Smythe" and began to look through it, careful not to crack the spine.

"Longbottom, I suppose," came a dark sarcastic drawl.

"No, a book funnily enough," she replied, not looking up.

He snorted and shifted his position slightly, careful not to dislodge her from his side.

"Sharp tongued witch!" he growled.

"Who learnt from a master," she replied softly setting the book back in the bag and letting it slip to the floor.

"Have you got all the students gifts, or is Longbottom the only one?"

"Neville is the only one," she said quietly.

"Why are you his friend?" he asked her quietly, he moved slightly, his arm was going to sleep, so he raised it up, letting her cuddle down onto his stomach, his arm going around her shoulders. It felt odd to him at first, he felt awkward; but she was warm and he could see she was sleepy. The bruise on her forehead standing out on her pale skin; he ran his finger across it gently, but she didn't wince. He laid his hand on her arm; his other hand strayed to her hair by its own accord. He freed one of the combs that kept it off her face and ran his fingers through the tangles, till it flowed like silk through his fingers. He could smell the wafts of Apple and Cinnamon shampoo. It sent a shudder through him, right to the pit of his stomach. He lifted a handful away from her face and let her hair run through his fingers; it drifted down over her face, making her grimace as it tickled. He brushed it away from her face and stared down at her.

It knocked him sideways, that he was so comfortable with her curled up on him like this. At first he'd wanted to push her away. But it felt good; it made him feel content. Something he rarely ever felt.

"Earth to Severus, y'know, you're getting this nasty habit of asking a question and then zoning out when I answer it," her amused voice floated into his thoughts, bringing him back with a jolt.

"Tell me again," he said curtly, not about to apologise to her. It was her fault after all for having hair that distracted him.

"I like him," she repeated. "I know he annoys you, but then anything that breathes annoys you," She pointed out. He swatted her back gently; his hand crept round her waist to lie across her stomach.

"Are you aware of his parents?" he asked her quietly.

"Yes, I didn't know if you knew; not many people do. He's spoken about them a few times. I guess with my mother we have something in common." She closed her eyes, his hand running through her hair making her very sleepy.

"There's more to him than meets the eye. You think that because he's a gibbering wreak in your classes that he has no uses, no brain," she mumbled against his stomach.

"The boy is a walking disaster Megan, nothing will change my mind about Longbottom."

"He's a walking disaster around you," she pointed out. "I have no problems with him."

"He's melted three cauldrons this year," he pointed out smoothly.

"Two of those with the helping hand of Draco Malfoy," she reminded him, fighting to keep her eyes open

"Go to sleep Megan, and give me some peace," he muttered; aware by her breathing she was already fast asleep.

He stared down at her. She was so pale with dark smudges under her eyes. He knew she was still suffering with her headaches. He could tell just by looking into her eyes. He snorted softly; her eyes always gave her away. Usually they were bright, but when she was in pain they seemed dull, the grey a darker colour than normal.

He ran a finger down her cheek lightly and watched her nose twitch. He ran it down again and she flinched, her face burying deeper into his stomach. He stopped; his finger in mid air, he'd better not do that again.

He settled back slightly, looking out of the window.

Tomorrow he'd make sure she went to Poppy, even if he had to put her in a full body bind and drag her there; which he suspected he'd have to do.

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this one posted.

I'm not sure of this chapter at all. This is the third attempt at writing it. I'm still not sure though. Any constructive advice would be very grateful.

This reason I've written it so many times and not been happy is that it seems to be getting out of hand a bit. I kinda lost it a bit here, or so I think. If you really hate this chapter I'll delete it and have another crack at it. I know where it's all going it's just getting hard doing it in the PG-13 rating.

I know how Dean is going to progress and I'm really not sure whether I should be upping' the rating. He's a nasty piece of work that really feels that Meg should be held accountable for his Sister's death. I think this chapter is okay and I'll keep posting in PG-13, but if anyone feels that it needs to go up please say so.

Thanks to P.A.R. for another thought provoking review. You were half the reason why this chapter got re-written first time around. I suddenly realised that Snape was OCC in a big way and it just didn't follow. I'm still not sure if he's reacting how he would in true form. I just feel that although he's acknowledged to himself he loves her, he's in no hurry to announce it. He's scared stupid of how it's going to change things. Plus being the self centred bully we all love, he's not exactly going to suddenly declare it from the roof tops. HeHeHe! Interesting scenario!

Thanks to everyone who is still battling their way through this and stopping long enough to review... I probably would have given up ages ago if it weren't for you.

P.P.S. Just a quick nip back before posting to say thanks to Mally... that was really encouraging!


	15. Retreating Slowly

* * *

A/N: Updated: March 2008

A/N: Once again, please excuse rather lame Latin curses! I've put a few notes at the end as well. Disclaimer as always…. And I want to credit P.A.R. for making Remus a counsellor and not just wallpaper!

* * *

Meg was comfortable; she was hugging her pillow, warm under the blankets. She was in that wonderful state between sleep and waking, when everything was alright. Only good existed in the world and it really didn't matter if she stayed there forever.

Something brushed over her nose, making it itch.

"Getorff," she mumbled and brushed her nose with her fingers, not opening her eyes.

Fingers prodded her shoulder this time, gently but firmly.

"Will you clear off," she snapped, her eyes opening this time to stare up grumpily. Snape was kneeling by the bed, his face level with hers; black eyes staring at her impatiently.

"I was beginning to think you were hibernating in there."

"I was… am… so clear off and bug some students," she grumbled and turned over presenting him with her back as she snuggled down again.

"You've slept right through breakfast and lunch; you aren't sleeping the entire day away. Poppy will see you in an hour, so get your lazy body out of that bed before I do something drastic."

"Go get a life and leave me alone," she mumbled, trying hard to ignore him prodding at her back with his finger not so gently this time.

"I have a life. You, however, seem determined to sleep yours away."

"And this concerns you because?" She gave up with a groan and sat up, pushing the hair out of her face with one hand, while glaring at him.

"Well, for one thing it's my bed you're lazing in. And while I'm not averse to having you in my bed," he grinned evilly at her. "I'd much rather you were awake and I was in there too."

"Well I'm awake now." She arched her eyebrow at him and patted the covers beside her.

"So you are." He leaned forward and gripped the covers she was holding up around her. With a quick flick he had the covers completely off her; the cold air making her cry out in shock.

"Now get out and get dressed. Poppy won't like it if you're late." He got up from his knees and without a backward glance crossed to the door that led to his study.

"I don't have a headache today, in fact I feel absolutely great; maybe all I needed was a good sleep," she called after him, getting up onto her knees.

"All you need is a good spanking; now get up before I get you up," he growled back at her darkly.

Meg grumbled and slid off the bed, wrapping his dressing gown round her, fighting off the chill from the room.

"I wouldn't feel the need to hibernate if it wasn't below freezing in here," she called to him, watching him sit at his desk.

"Just get dressed and quit stalling." He didn't look up from whatever he had on his desk.

"I'm not stalling, merely pointing out that I'm probably suffering from hypothermia. People who get too cold just end up lying down and slipping away in their sleep."

"Rest assured, Megan, that would never happen to you. You produce too much hot air from your mouth to ever run the risk of freezing to death."

"Remind me why I love you again," she huffed as she slammed into his bathroom.

He looked up at the closed door and frowned.

"I have no idea," he muttered and went back to making sure her present was exactly as he wanted it to be.

* * *

Meg sat on the edge of the bed her feet dangling inches from the floor.

"See the thing is, Poppy, Mr. Ollivander has suggested that my wand may be playing up because of the headaches."

"And why haven't you come back sooner?" Poppy asked, frowning down at Meg, who felt like a first year student being told off.

"Because I really didn't think it was that serious, just annoying. I've always been prone to headaches if I'm under stress." Meg was so relieved that at least Snape had not stayed. He'd walked her up here and then left her with Poppy saying he'd see her in the hall for tea.

Poppy began examining her eyes with a light.

"This is your first full time teacher position in a magical school, isn't it?" Poppy asked as she marked something down on a chart.

"Yes, up till I came here it's just been theory and the primary. But I've enjoyed it very much."

"Have you been eating properly?"

Meg nodded, neglecting to mention that she might have missed a few meals. It wasn't like she was starving to death, was it?

"I can't find any internal bleeding around the bruise site; fortunately you had bruising this side of the skull and not on the brain itself."

"Any other symptoms?" asked Poppy, turning to mark something else on the chart.

"No," Meg lied smoothly, her fingers crossed inside the pockets of her robes.

"None at all, no dizzy spells, nausea?" Poppy turned back, a sharp gleam in her eyes. Meg bit the inside of her lip and shook her head.

"Hum, well. I think that maybe we'll err on the side of caution and give you some pepper-up potion. I really don't think its do with your fall; I've only checked for physical signs though connected with the fall."

"What do you mean?" asked Meg quickly, her heart rate increasing. Could it be a sign of her mental stability?

"It's quite possible you need glasses, but you'd have to see an ophthalmic mediwizard."

"Oh!" Meg hadn't considered the possibility of needing glasses; she mulled it over, it was certainly possible. It didn't however, explain her memory lapses, but it might explain the falls; Meg felt happier.

"Is there one in Hogsmede?" she asked brightly.

"No, you'd have to go to Diagon Alley for that. I don't suppose they'd be open now till after the Christmas break." Poppy began to put away the chart after she'd finished signing it.

"Well, thank you!" Meg jumped down off the bed.

She waved to Poppy and left the room with Poppy's call to take Pepper-up potion ringing in her ears.

She was going down to the hall; she was hungry, as she hadn't eaten all day. She walked slowly, her mind going over what Poppy had said about glasses. Did she need them? She hadn't noticed anything that would indicate that. She could see things okay, didn't need to draw a book closer to her, or further away to read it. She frowned; it was certainly worth checking though. And it would certainly explain why she kept falling over, especially tripping over her feet.

But did it explain how her memory just refused to work sometimes?

"Going somewhere?" She was so lost in thought she almost smacked straight into Dean who was standing in the middle of the corridor.

"I've been looking for you. Didn't realise you were up with Poppy the whole time. Nothing trivial, I hope."

"What?" Meg felt a rush of uneasiness go through her. His eyes were so blank. But it wasn't the same blankness she saw in Snape's sometimes. With Snape she knew it was deliberate. But with Dean, it was almost like he had no soul; like he was empty. Not necessarily stupid; she absently remembered, a saying her mother often used "The lights are on, but no one's home" somehow it seemed to fit. As if he was alive, but he was hollow.

"Just wanted a quick chat…" he smiled at her and held out his arm to her.

She rose her eyebrows and snorted. It was her very best Snape Snort and she was proud of it.

"Yeah, right, Dean," she snapped. "Just tell me what you want?"

"What I want? Let me see, I'd like a house on the Med' somewhere, a harem of pretty girls; but that's wasn't what you meant was it?" he laughed and Meg instinctively backed up.

"Come here!" He held out his hand this time; but she refused to move.

"Not very trusting are you?" he laughed again and stepped forward quickly. But Meg was faster; she drew out her wand and aimed it at him.

"Tell me what you want…"

"Hey!" He held up his hands in mock surrender. "I mean no harm, well nothing lasting or noticeable anyway."

"What?"

"Well see it goes like this, you must be wondering now why you can't seem to remember things? Yes?" he watched as she paled.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh it's okay! You don't have to be coy with me. See, certain parts of your memory seem to be… er… how shall we put it? Not there!"

"What are you doing to me?" Meg raised the wand in horror as she realised in that instant that he was playing games with her.

"Me? Nothing, absolutely nothing; well, that's not strictly true!" He grinned, his eyes narrowing at her in hate.

"You… "Stupify!" she cried and nothing happened.

"You really must learn a few more curses! That ones getting old!" he tutted.

"What?" Meg looked down at her wand in fright and then back at him. "But I don't have a headache," she whispered, confused and scared.

"No? Never mind, maybe this will make up for it. "Frigidtus"" he muttered and Meg felt herself growing rigid, she tried desperately to move her arms but nothing would work.

"I'll say one thing for this, it doesn't half give me a chance to practise some curses!" he laughed as Meg froze so completely, she couldn't even blink. She tried to cry out but her vocal cords refused to move.

"Ah!" he moved closer to her and ran his hand down her cheek.

"You really need to loosen up slightly," he whispered into her ear as he moved around behind her. Meg had never felt so frightened in all her life, she was certain she was going to die and there was nothing she could do.

"Finite Incantatem!" he murmured and Meg crumpled to the floor, her legs unable to support her. He leaned over her and whispered softly.

"Having fun?" he muttered. "I have to admit it was a lot of fun at first, but now, it's getting kinda old. It'd be so much better if you could remember our little healing sessions. But then I guess you'd be tapping on the headmasters door so fast, I wouldn't even have time to pack before I was shipped off."

Meg was shaking; her fear was so strong she was sweating. But even so survival instincts kicked in and she brought her hand up backwards, the wand still clutched in her hand; she jabbed him sharply in the eye.

He cried out in pain, and stumbled backwards clasping his hand over his eye. He raised his wand and cried out "Imperio" before she could even get to her feet.

She tried so hard to resist the lethargy that took over her limbs. But she couldn't.

"Get to your feet!" She heard his voice inside her head, she tried desperately to stop herself, but slowly and clumsily she got to her feet.

"Right, bitch!" he spat, his hand still clutching the now swollen eye. "Walk!" She started to walk towards him

He took her by the elbow and shoved her backwards roughly.

"The other way!" She turned and her feet began dragging. She was silently screaming, her mind unable to counter the curse. He walked her clear over the other side of the school into the rarely used classrooms and then got her to sit at the desk.

She tried so hard to fight the curse, her mind was screaming but no matter how much she tried to fight, she had no control over her body. She was scared, so frightened her teeth were chattering together. Her hands were clammy and she could feel sweat running down her face. She could feel him bending over her and she felt sick. His breath on her cheek made her shut her eyes tight. She was so vulnerable; so utterly helpless.

"Happy Christmas," he whispered.

He moved back slightly and released the curse. He muttered "Obliviate! What are you doing here? You've just left the infirmary, maybe you're going mad." And then keeping perfectly quiet he slid out of the room.

Meg slumped forward onto the desk the moment the Imperio was lifted. For several seconds she knew exactly what had happened. And then it was as if someone had switched off the lights in her brain. She was suddenly staring face down at a desk. She sat up quickly and regretted the movement; her vision swam a bit and then cleared.

Her mind was hazy; she didn't even recognise the rooms. She frantically tried to think of what had happened, why she was sitting at a desk in a classroom? She'd just left Poppy, she could remember it perfectly, and so what was she doing the other side of the school with no recollection of getting there?

She was covered in sweat, her hands shaking and her teeth chattering still, but she didn't know why.

Meg sobbed and sank her head back onto the desk. What was happening to her? Why couldn't she remember? She frantically sat there and recited her name, age, birthday, favourite foods and colours. She could do it perfectly; she went through her Latin and French verb tables, no problem. But she couldn't think why she was sitting here. A memory came back suddenly to her of her mother. She'd come home one day and found her mother sitting in the dark under the stairs. She'd brought her out and asked her what she was doing there. Her mother had looked at her, and Meg had seen the fear in her eyes, when she realised she couldn't answer the question. Her mother had actually said to her "I don't remember".

Meg stood up quickly, scraping her chair across the floor; she slammed her fist onto the table. She wasn't going the same way, stress, it was all stress. She hurried out of the classroom intent on getting back to the great hall. She had no idea what time it was; fear crept back into her mind. How long had she'd been sat there? With her mother it turned out it had only been a few minutes.

She refused to think about that. It most certainly wasn't what was wrong with her. If there had been the slightest chance it was hereditary they'd have told her. She refused to think about it anymore. "You're mad," a whisper slid through her mind but she shook her head violently, refusing to let it take hold.

Meg made her way down to the hall, her earlier hunger gone. She went in quietly and was relived to see Severus and Remus were still eating, although it looked like most of the students had finished. She went to sit by Severus and began to fill her plate.

"You've been awhile," he remarked. "I went up to get you but you'd gone!"

"Yes." Meg said brightly, she pushed the carrot around her plate. "I went for a quick walk, just to think."

"Outside?" he asked in surprise.

"No, inside." She forced a carrot down her throat.

"Poppy mentioned the glasses. As soon as Diagon Alley opens again we'll go in and see," he remarked, pushing away his half eaten plate. It was beef stew and he'd never been very fond of it.

"Not hungry?" Remus was sat next to him and winked down at Meg. "Shame, you could do with a few pounds."

"Where's that dog of yours?" Snape asked silkily. "We could throw the scraps to him."

"Sirius is with Harry." Remus smiled benignly down at his plate.

"When do you leave?" he asked pointedly.

Remus just chuckled and helped himself to more stew.

"Sirius leaves next week."

"And you?" Snape was so pointedly rude that Meg had to interfere.

"Severus. That's rude."

"No it's not. It's a question. Saying Sirius was a black hearted bastard that would be considered rude," he said smoothly. "Of course, I consider it to be the truth."

"You haven't let it go, have you?" Remus asked softly, looking sad and tired suddenly.

Meg watched the two men quietly, waiting to see what Snape would say.

"Remus…" Snape sighed heavily and for a moment Meg saw a flash of regret in his eyes. "You know I don't hold you responsible. We sorted all that out four years ago." Snape spoke so softly; Meg had to strain to hear. But Remus had the added bonus of having better than average hearing.

"Then you won't be upset to hear that I'll be staying for awhile."

"In what capacity?"

"Counsellor."

"What?" Snape stared at him in surprise.

"Counsellor, apparently Albus thinks I'd be rather good at listening to the students, especially the seventh years; final exams can be so stressing."

Meg sat forward, her curiosity in Remus piqued.

"Good idea," she exclaimed. "Some of these kids could do with someone to talk through their problems; Muggle schools have had them for years."

"Problems?" snorted Snape, completely unimpressed. "What problems do these kids have? Apart from spots and bad grades in my classes."

"It's supposed to be all sorts of things, not just academic." Remus explained with a grin.

"It's a great idea. It can be a scary thing growing up."

"I don't recall that!" Snape snorted dryly.

"That's cause you're too old," she replied smartly, making Remus laugh.

"Don't get carried away, Lupin; she's just insulted us both seeing as there's six months between us!"

"Remus wears it well don't you?" she added quickly. "You're just stuffy."

Snape didn't even bother replying he just arched his eyebrow at her. "Excuse me; this old man has papers to mark" He got up and left the hall as Sirius and Harry came in.

"Well I'd better crack on too." Meg got up.

"You haven't eaten a thing," Remus pointed out staring at her plate.

"Not hungry," she replied cheerfully and went waving at the other two as they sat down.

She went straight down to her study and wasn't at all surprised to Snape sitting in her armchair staring into the fire.

"Old eh?" he said quietly as she shut the door behind her.

"Positively ancient," she agreed.

"Come here and say that!"

She went across and sat on his knee. She looked down into his eyes and smiled at him.

"Where's my present?" she asked him.

"Not till tomorrow!" His voice was even lower than usual; each word enunciated perfectly, it made her shiver.

"Ah come on, just a quick peek?"

"No." He shook his head and his hair slid across his face, hiding part of it.

She reached out and pushed it back off his face, surprise registered before she could hide it.

"What?" he asked, already guessing at what had caused her surprise.

"Nothing." He arched an eyebrow at her "Well, it's just you've washed your hair."

"While you were with Poppy," he supplied and reaching out curled his hand into her hair.

"It's nice." She leant forward and buried her face into his neck, sniffing the masculine scent of ….. apples?

"You used my shampoo," she cried out sitting back up.

"Actually…" he shifted suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"What?"

"I picked up the wrong bottle without noticing." He glared at her. "Your fault of course."

"Of course," she replied. "Mind you, it might help if you learnt to read."

"Never needed it up till now," he chuckled and Meg stared at him a smile on her face.

"Well I'll be damned!" she thought. "Severus Snape laughing at himself!" Although there was no way she'd say that out loud.

"Well, if I can't unwrap my present, can I unwrap you?" she asked him cheekily.

"Why would you want to do that?" he asked her mockingly.

"See what's underneath," she replied and looked into his eyes.

"You won't like what you find," he said it quietly and Meg knew instantly he wasn't referring to his body.

"Why don't we find out?" she whispered and pressed her face into his neck, her heart hammering in her chest.

He didn't reply, he just wound his arms around her and held her tightly, his face buried in her hair.

Meg shuddered and clung closer; she refused to think of anything except the man who was holding her so tightly, as if he never wanted to let go.

"I do love you," she whispered into his neck.

He shuddered and held her tighter. It was enough.

* * *

"Open it then," she said as soon as she handed him the small black wrapped package.

"Can I just ask why you felt the need to wrap it in black paper?"

"Well, you don't come across as being the sparkly, ribbons and bows wrapping sort of guy." She was kneeling on the floor at his feet, her fingers itching to help him unwrap it.

"Come on, the suspense is killing me!" she cried, as he turned it over and over, without moving to undo it.

He looked at her, a small smirk on his lips. She sat back on her heels in frustration.

"How can the suspense be killing you, when you know what's in it. I presume you do know what you bought me?" he was mocking her gently.

"Severus, stop being annoying and open it!" She slapped his knee and earned a glare from him.

"Stop that Kincaid, you're getting to free with your hands!" He slid a finger under the edge and slowly and carefully opened the gift.

"This is your proper present." She had inched back to his knees again and he was reminded of an over eager child.

"My proper present? What's an improper present then? Nothing dirty I hope," he remarked dryly.

"As if you'd need it," she snorted. "No I've got you another one but it's a joke; well I thought it was funny at the time… erm… just open it will you?"

He slid the last piece of paper aside and couldn't stop the look of utter delight that crossed his face briefly before it resumed its normal unreadable expression.

"I wasn't aware you were sufficiently well off to be able to afford this."

Meg sat back satisfied; she'd seen the look of delight no matter how brief. She'd got it right. He slid his hands over the cover of the first edition very rare potion book.

"I'm not. I had to sell everything I own, including my body, to get you that!" It had taken Meg weeks to track one down and she wasn't joking when she said she'd had to sell some of her own belongings to get it for him. But she'd known it was something he had wanted and, that was good enough for her.

"That had better be a very bad attempt at distasteful humour," he remarked, still not taking his eyes from the cover.

"I would have written inside…" she began before he cut her off with a horrified growl.

"You haven't!"

"Relax, I'm not that stupid!" She grinned at him and slapped his leg when he raised his eyebrow at her in disbelief. "I figured you'd remember it was me who gave it to you anyway!"

"Thank you," he spoke softly, his eyes lifting from the book to look into hers.

"You're welcome, besides I figure if I got you that one, you wouldn't kill me when you open this one!"

She handed him a roundish object, this time wrapped in luminous pink paper.

He arched his eyebrows and took it; he set the book carefully on the table beside the armchair and proceeded to turn over the present in much the same manner as he had done for the book.

"Good grief!" she exclaimed hotly. "Why not go the whole hog and shake it!"

"One of these days I wouldn't at all be surprised to hear you say "It just isn't cricket, you know!"" he mocked her slightly posh accent.

"Ouch," she winced at his barb, making him chuckle.

"You can be very unkind, Severus."

"And I don't even have to work at it," He replied, finally unwrapping the gift. He brought out a mug, and stared at it in horror.

It was a mug that she'd found in Hogsmede. It was white with a drawing of a wizard in black robes and twisted pointed hat. Black lettering ran around the outside rim, declaring "World's Sexiest Potion Brewer"

"They didn't have any Defence against the Dark Arts mugs, probably because the title is too long, look on the other side." He turned the mug around and saw the same wizard was drawn inebriated, bent over a cauldron with his hat slumped over his eyes and an empty potion vial in one hand. A speech bubble rose over his head with "Why else do you think I took Potions, if not for the good stuff!" written in it. Snape actually laughed at this and Meg nearly keeled over.

"You do realise this is more for you," pe pointed out. "You and that blasted cordial of yours."

"Once!" she cried. "Once I did it ,and will you let me forget? I'll have you know that was the first and last time I've ever got drunk since… well, since years."

"Shut up and open this then!" And he drew out a box that he threw at her. She only just caught it in time.

Her indignation gone she sat cross legged at his feet and ripped off the paper.

"Philistine," he muttered. "I took at least twenty seconds wrapping that! Have you no respect?"

"Nope!" She slid out a long black box covered in velvet and with a shaky hand opened the lid.

"Oh!" Meg stared down at the bracelet that lay in one line across a bed of blood red silk. It was gold and worked in a series of Gaelic knots; hanging off the bracelet was a single charm. A tiny serpent curled in a coil. Meg had never seen anything more beautiful, each time she moved the box, the firelight would glint off the gold, making it sparkle like fire itself.

"Don't you like it?" he sounded bored and distracted.

She looked up, expecting him to be pouring over his book. But he wasn't; he was staring down at her intently.

"It's beautiful, Severus," she whispered her voice cracking slightly with emotion.

"Not as beautiful as it's owner," he whispered. She looked up at him tears shining in her eyes.

"It's… It's…" She tried to find the right words and failed; she brushed a stray tear from her cheek and laughed.

"If I'd known that buying you jewellery would render you speechless. You'd have a drawer full by now," he remarked dryly, but he reached out his hand and caught her chin in his fingers.

"It really is beautiful, Severus, thank you; far to expensive…" She got to her knees and leaned forward on to his lap, the box clutched in her hand. She drew the bracelet out and held out her wrist for him to put it on for her.

"Well, unlike you I didn't have to sell my body to get it. Which is probably just as well, or you'd get it on your eightieth birthday," he remarked as he did up the bracelet and turned it so the snake lay curled on her arm.

"I'd buy you," she told him earnestly, making him smirk.

"You have dubious tastes; look who your friend is," he remarked mockingly. "Talking of which have you given him your present yet?"

"No, I never got chance yesterday." She blushed slightly and set the box on top of the book. She turned her wrist this way and that, watching the light dance off it.

"I would have purchased you a mug had I known."

"World's Worst Witch?" she grinned, sliding her hands under his waist coat.

"No," he chuckled and pulled her up further to rest on his chest. His eyes locked with hers.

"World's Biggest Pest," he told her with a smug grin.

"Hum… pest eh?" She tried to pull back but he wasn't letting her move.

"I was going to give Neville his book now," she lied.

"Later… You haven't thanked me for your bracelet!"

She arched an eyebrow at him and gave him one of her best smirks.

"And I haven't thanked you for my book," he smirked back.

"Can't it wait?" she asked innocently, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

"No!" he growled. "It can't!" He hoisted her right up onto his lap.

"You are beautiful, you know," he spoke quietly, his eyes softer than she'd ever seen them.

"Thank you," she spoke quietly

"You don't believe it though, do you?" He slid is hand over her hair and down her back.

"Well, the mirror and all." She shrugged. "But when you say it like that; I feel it."

"So you should!" He touched her nose with his fingertip and narrowed his eyes.

"First day Diagon Alley opens we'll go and get your eyes checked."

"What made you say that?" she asked, linking her hands round his neck, her eyes drawn to the bracelet that shone on her arm.

"I don't like it when you hurt," he murmured and slid his finger down her cheek gently.

"I'm fine, really Severus!" She bent forward and buried her face in his neck, knowing if he saw her eyes he'd know something wasn't right.

She felt his hands creep under her jumper to stroke the bare skin of her back. She shuddered and lifted her head to find his lips.

"Can I thank you for my bracelet now?" she asked her lips still pressed to his.

"We both have some thanking to do," he replied, his voice low and husky.

* * *

Meg ran a hand over her face and sighed. She felt so confused; so lost.

She'd wandered again without remembering anything about it. She'd just suddenly come to and found herself standing beside the still frozen lake. She'd been on her way to the library, she remembered starting up the steps and then it just went black; no matter how hard she tried to think, rack her brains, nothing came back to her. She rubbed her face wearily, she felt so tired and cold.

She looked over the lake and shuddered. Hogwarts Lake was much bigger than her Aunt's boating pond, and deeper. The edges had frozen though and she knew Dumbledore had cast a spell to stop the entire lake freezing across because of the creatures that lived in its depth. She stepped forward and looked down into the murky water below the ice. So long ago and yet it was like yesterday.

Maybe she was being punished. Maybe this was retribution for Sarah's death.

Meg sighed and stepped back again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath making herself look at it objectively.

Her mother had started with small things, forgetting where she'd put something, things that had been easily dismissed as just forgetfulness; everyone is at some point guilty of putting the kettle into the fridge instead of the milk.

Then it had progressed into bigger things not so easily dismissed. She had gone for 'walkabouts' without telling anyone where she was going and then arriving back home with no memory of what she'd done.

Meg groaned aloud, she struggled to clear her mind; she couldn't let this get to her. It was just coincidence; nothing more, nothing less.

She turned and gathering her robes around her she started back up to Hogwarts refusing to think about it. She had spent eleven years refusing to face her past. Meg knew everything there was to know about denial.

* * *

"Thank you!" Neville's face beamed as she handed him the wrapped book.

"I bought you this." He thrust a small wrapped box at her. "It's not much."

Meg opened her box while Neville tore the paper of his book.

"Oh!" Meg lifted a tiny pewter cauldron out of the box with delight.

"Thank you, Neville." She smiled widely at him.

"Not very imaginative…" He blushed and stared open mouthed down at the book.

"Oh, this is excellent."

"Good, I'm glad you like it, now I really must fly; literally. Getting my eyes tested in Diagon Alley." She looked at Neville, but he was pouring over the recipe contents. She smiled and patting his shoulder left him at the Gryffindor table.

She went to find Snape and was surprised to find him sitting patiently in her study.

"Oh I thought you wanted to go straight away."

"I've sorted out a Portkey from Hogsmede straight to Diagon Alley," he told her, thumbing through a book on his lap.

"Portkey. Those I can do," she announced pleased. She crossed to stand behind his chair, she leaned over his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"That surprises me," he remarked, and closed the book with a snap.

"Severus!" She reached forward and snatched the book from him, her breath caught on a gasp.

"You left it lying on this chair," he said quietly.

"So?" she took the battered book from him and turned away to her desk. She was angry and disappointed with him, but she felt something else; embarrassed. Embarrassed that he'd pick up her diary and read it. It didn't matter that it was an old one, one she'd written soon after her parents died. There were things written in there that she didn't want anyone to know. For a few brief seconds she suddenly realised how he felt every time he thought she was prying into his past; but her own indignation soon sent that thought out of the window.

She crossed to her desk and sat down on the chair and stuffed the diary into her drawer, her face whiter than a sheet; her eyes bright with tears.

"I wouldn't have picked it up if I thought you'd get this upset," he remarked softly. "I wasn't actually reading it, it was just there and I flicked through." He stood up and came towards her, but Meg shrugged and refused to look at him, she felt betrayed somehow.

"Megan." He stopped behind her and lifted her hair up from the back of her neck; she plaited it away from her face today thinking they'd be flying to Hogsmede.

"I hate this, makes you look about twelve," he remarked and began to undo it. Meg bristled and pulled away from him, she stood up, pushing the chair back into him.

"Stop it," she cried. "Don't do that."

"What?" he looked surprised his face, for once, unguarded.

"That! You can't come in here, and…. and… read my private things and… take over." She hastily redid her plait and snatched her cloak up from the chair.

"I'm going now." She went to her door and went out, leaving it open.

She knew she was over-reacting; knew that she shouldn't be this silly. But seeing him sitting there; quite possibly reading the things that she'd wrote about her parents. He may have seen how her mother went; how her father had slowly changed, despite the fact that he loved her devotedly. The woman he had cared for at the end wasn't the woman he'd married and loved for so long.

She'd written in there private thoughts, thoughts she'd never revealed to another person alive. Thoughts that made her feel guilty; like how her feelings towards her mother had changed towards the end. She had never stopped loving her, but somehow she had grieved for her mother a long time before she'd died. The woman who had slipped away in her sleep had just been a shell; an outward appearance of her mother. She felt betrayed by him.

She walked quickly now, not knowing if he was following and not really caring. She had dug that diary out yesterday, hoping to be able to banish her fears once and for all. Instead she had got more and more confused; and more and more scared. She didn't want him or anyone knowing. She didn't want to see the look in his eyes if he ever found out that she would degenerate the same way her mother had; she didn't want either pity or regret.

Her fingernails dug so deep into her skin that she was drawing blood, but the pain was more welcome than sitting down on the floor and screaming in despair.

"Megan…" She hadn't reached the top of the stairs when she felt his hands on her shoulders.

"I apologise. If it's any consolation I truly wasn't actually reading it, just flipping through. I swear on everything I know, I did not realise what I had. I'd only just come in before you." His deep voice in her ear made her stop and turn to him.

"It's very rude you know," she managed lamely.

"I know." He looked down at her, his eyes dark and filled with concern, but his face was set as usual.

"Don't do it again," she snapped, her fear taking shape in her hitting out at him.

"I won't," he whispered and slid his hand down her arm to take her hand. He frowned and brought her hand up, seeing the crescent shaped rings of blood.

He caught her other hand before she could pull it away and studied that palm too.

"I was angry." She tried to snatch her hands away but he wasn't letting go.

"And if you hadn't drawn blood, what would you have done?"

"Slapped you probably," she said quietly, watching his reaction.

"I'd have deserved it," he spoke quietly and let go of her right hand to get his wand out, he muttered a charm and Meg felt the skin heal and the blood disappear.

"Shall we go now?" he asked her and watched her nod.

"Clearly you have missed your calling in life," he pointed out as they began to walk up the stairs.

"What?" she asked warily.

"On the stage; you should have been on the stage; definitely one of the tragedies." She looked up at him and snorted, he was mocking her again, but not unkindly, those black eyes of his glittering down at her.

"I'll have you know; you bring out the worst in me."

"I'd noticed," he replied gently and putting his hand on her lower back, steered her across the main entrance way to the doors.

Meg repressed the desire to stick her tongue out at him and let him lead her outside.

"By the way, we really need to talk about this habit of yours."

"What habit?" she asked frowning up at him.

"Your habit of just walking out on me when things go wrong."

Meg arched an eyebrow at him and kept her head high.

"What do you propose?"

"That we schedule our day accordingly."

"Pardon?"

"We arrange when it is we want to have a fight and I'll tie you to the chair before we start!"

She looked up at him and was just a little relieved to see the slightest glimmer of humour in his eyes. Meg grinned wickedly and decided to give him a run for his money.

"Why, Severus, if you wanted to tie me up you don't have to suggest it like that."

"Tying you up, and gagging you, I might add, has appealed on many occasions, but never when I want to make love with you."

She glared at him before bursting out laughing.

"You old goat you!"

They arrived at the gate leading out of Hogwarts. He opened it for her to go through and then followed her.

"We may as well walk as we don't have to wait for a train."

"Who sorted out the Portkey?" she asked, linking her arm with his, glad when he didn't draw away.

"Albus."

"What did you tell him?"

"That Poppy suggested you have your eyes tested."

"Oh….What did he say?"

She felt Severus shudder and looked up.

"He merely asked for a quarter of Lemon drops from Honeydukes; are you two related by any way?"

"You have an aversion to sweets, don't you?" she dug his ribs with her fingers and he glared down at her.

"No, I just have a liking for my teeth," he said pointedly.

"Hey!" she held up her free hand. "These are all my own and I'm proud of them!"

"They are certainly sharp," he agreed; his voice held a touch of humour.

She gnashed her teeth together at him.

"Considering the work they do, it's remarkable they're as sharp as they are."

"Wanna find out how it feels to have yours knocked out?" she asked him sweetly.

"I'd like to see you try," he growled and letting go of her hand on his arm he stopped and turned her to face him.

"Hey, you two," came a cheerful voice. Snape's hands dropped from her shoulders quickly, leaving Meg feeling vaguely disappointed. Snape sighed and then curse softly under his breath.

"Severus, please," she laughed before turning to see Remus Lupin coming down the track, his robes dragging behind him slightly.

Meg smiled at him; she liked him a lot. He was always so pleasant and easy to talk too. Neville had nothing but good to say about him.

"Hello, Remus." She waited till he had caught up with them and then started walking again, aware of the distance between her and Snape now.

"Lupin." Snape nodded curtly at him.

"Are you going to Hogsmede too?"

"Diagon Alley," Meg said cheerfully. "I need my eyes checking."

"Ah!" He nodded and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Mine's just a quick trip to get some things; can't believe school starts next week. Holidays never last long enough do they?"

"Not nearly long enough," Snape agreed dryly. "It should in fact be reversed. Two weeks of school term and four months of brat free holidays."

"You love it, Severus," Remus laughed winking at Meg.

Snape didn't bother to reply to that. He just looked at Meg and frowned slightly.

"Are you pleased to be back?" Meg asked Remus.

"Yes," he replied carefully. "I didn't want to leave in the first place…" his gaze went to Snape who merely snorted.

"Oh yes, I heard about that." Meg studied the ground as she walked, remembering Neville's blow by blow account of how Severus had let slip Remus was a werewolf.

"These things happened, besides it would have come out sooner or later," Remus replied in his easy going manner.

"So how have things changed if it was a problem then?"

Again he looked at Severus and then shrugged in surprise.

"I'm surprised, Severus didn't tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"He worked on a potion for nearly three years. It's based on the Wolfsbane, but it negates the effect altogether, well not quite. But I don't change once a month any more; just get incredibly bad headaches."

"Really? How incredible!" Her mind automatically switched to going over the possible ingredients that would do that.

"Will you tell me about it later?" she asked Snape quietly. He nodded at her and remained silent.

"So why are you going to Diagon Alley, Severus?" asked Remus quietly, a glimmer of mischief in his eye. He was almost certain why, but he wanted to see Severus squirm slightly.

"Flourish and Blotts, seemed silly to waste a Portkey," Severus returned.

Meg bit her lip and refused to allow herself to think about that reply. She could understand why he didn't want to talk to the rest of the staff about them. She personally felt that if they didn't know by now anyway, they never would. But it still hurt slightly, knowing that he wasn't prepared to be open about being together.

"Sensible," Remus said, trying hard to keep his voice even.

"We go left here." Severus all but barked at Meg and she threw Remus a sorry glance as he caught her upper arm and steered her down another track that lead to the station.

Remus waved and kept on going, an obvious smile on his face.

"That's the end of my peace in Hogwarts for definite. Between the pair of you life will never be the same again," he muttered thoroughly annoyed.

A sharp stab of pain went through her making her glare at him.

"You only have to say the word and life will be exactly as it was," she hissed.

He caught her hand and squeezed it gently. She heard him sigh and then he leaned down to press his mouth to her ear.

"Sorry. I seem to be saying that a lot to you today."

"You've never said it before today," she pointed out.

"Haven't I?" he looked down at her, his eyes glinting with mockery.

"Let's just go, Severus," she sighed and gripped his hand tightly as he reached forward and picked up the Portkey.

A/N: Right here come the apologies! Sorry for the spelling and grammar errors. I try had but… shrugs pretty useless there!

Now for the credits.

I want to say a big thank you to P.A.R., for giving me the confidence to keep going with this and for giving me a few ideas!!

Remus as a counsellor idea came from your review! I hope you like the way he's included. He's not actually gonna do a lot yet, he'll come more into his own when Meg finally realises that things may not be as they seem. And you have given me the confidence to keep going with Meg's "memory problems" I was beginning to feel that maybe , I'd started something I couldn't finish!

Thank you for helping me. I've credited you at the top for your ideas!

Martha: Hope you're happy with their presents, sorry if they seem a bit lame. And thanks for coming back for more each time!

Wyltk: Thank you so much for a great review, and for pointing out some enormous errors! I'm going to change them as soon as I get chance. Thanks!!!!

Abra: Thank you for reviewing! I've given it much thought over cooking tea, and I reckon Sean Bean would make an excellent Sirius…. Anyone else agree or disagree? By the way, this story will not be turning into slash, wouldn't even know where to begin on that one!

Scented Hairpin: HA! You pointed out what I was praying nobody would notice!! I'm working on Artistic license here and pretending that Poppy wouldn't be looking for anything untoward; just something related to her hitting her head! Thanks for putting up with my glaringly obvious error! By the way, I don't actually know much about the "Obliviate" curse as I don't have my books handy… so again with the artistic license!!!

Everyone who has taken the time to review more than once…. Thank you for not hitting the back button.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this story, whether it's reviewed or not!!

I hope you carry on liking this story.

Have a nice day everyone!


	16. Spiders

Updated, March 2005. Some changes along the way now, but nothing too drastic.

Usual disclaimer, which I usually forget:-)

* * *

She stared up at the man in confusion. 

"You mean I don't really need glasses, but my eyes are affected?"

"Yes." He nodded and watched as she got up from the chair and crossed to the window.

"You are very slightly longsighted, but it's such a slight difference that glasses aren't really needed."

"Would it make me trip and fall at all?"

"No, I wouldn't think so."

"How about memory loss?"

"Not at all." He frowned and scribbled something down.

"I can give you a very slight prescription for your right eye, but it seems pointless."

"Would it stop the headaches?"

"I can't see that it would cause the headaches to be honest." He stood up and walked across to the stand of glasses. He picked out a round gold rimmed pair and touched his wand to the lenses.

"Try it," he offered and she went to him, taking them.

"I can't see a difference," she admitted, but realised that they would work very well in shutting Snape up. "Would it be for reading?"

"Yes." He nodded and shrugged. "Try them, take them away on a trial, if you still continue to get headaches then bring them back."

She smiled at his kindness and shook her head.

"No, thank you, I'll buy them now."

"Are you happy with the style?"

"Yes, thanks."

He nodded doubtfully and took them back to find a box.

Meg paid for them and leaving the shop, crossed to Flourish and Blotts.

"And?" Snape was waiting outside for her, a bag of stationary in one hand.

"Glasses," she sighed and took the box out, feeling the slight twinges of conscience.

"All the time?"

"Close work," she replied and kept her head down, busy getting them out of the box to show him.

"Nice," he remarked when she slid them on. "Makes you look almost intelligent."

"For that you can buy me an ice-cream," she snorted, taking them off again and sliding them away carefully.

"Only one? Are you dieting?" he asked slyly and avoided the slap she gave his arm by catching her hand and holding onto it.

They didn't stay long in Diagon Alley after that, just long enough for them to eat a whole tub of ice-cream between them. They used a return portkey and were soon walking back to the castle. The sun was just dipping below the horizon; brilliant red and orange streaks ran across a pale purple sky.

Behind them, away from the setting sun, the sky was already a deep purple almost black colour. Meg loved sunsets and stopped briefly to watch the sun disappear from view.

They were soon back at the gates to Hogwarts. Meg stood back as Snape opened them for her and then keeping his hand on her lower back, led her through. She looked up at the castle; her bubble of happiness was burst and heaviness settled over her heart. She was back. For once, probably the first time she'd ever experienced it; Hogwarts didn't make her feel welcome. She didn't feel the usual tingle of security. Struggling with an almost overwhelming urge to turn and run back the way she'd come; she began to walk very slowly up the path. Snape still beside her, a respectful distance between them now, his hands by his sides, clutching the bag. He was only feet away from her, but Meg felt as if he was several miles away; completely detached. She was all alone. Her feet dragged slower and slower, until Snape stopped impatiently and turned to her.

"I would like to get back today."

"You go on," she told him quietly. "I want to go and see if Sally has left the plants I asked for." It was a lie, but she just couldn't face at the moment how he was making her feel; to be so close and yet so far from him. She kept her eyes on the castle as she spoke, knowing full well that if she looked at him he'd know straight away. He knew anyway.

"I see." He turned and carried on walking, his footsteps fast and hard on the stone path. He kept his head high and he didn't turn back.

She sighed and turned, crossed the lawns towards the back of the castle were the greenhouses were kept.

Sally, has she had thought, was curled in one corner; eating a snack, her eyes fixed lovingly on a pot that didn't appear to have anything growing in it.

"Hey, Sally!" Meg moved forward closely and sat down on the spare chair.

"Hello, Meg. Your plants have already gone down. Neville Longbottom took them this afternoon." She beamed at Meg and offered a rather earthy looking sandwich.

Meg refused politely and Sally laughed.

"You get used to the added bonus of earth after a while."

"I'll take your word for that!" Meg grinned, the warmth of the greenhouses making her feel a little better.

"What are you growing?"

"An experiment, we crossed two Dillberry plants with a Mangowart last year and this is the resulting seedling… I hope!"

"You know that saying a 'watched pot…" Meg teased Sally gently, staring down at the pot.

"Yes, yes I know… I find it rather relaxing though." She grinned at Meg who stood up and patted Sally on the shoulder gently.

"Happy pot watching!" she laughed and waving goodbye left the greenhouses.

She shivered as the cold air hit her after the warmth of the greenhouse. She shivered and wrapping her cloak around her; made her way back to her rooms. Her earlier unhappiness settling around her again like a cloak.

* * *

The chatter of children filled the halls now, the constant stream of boots clicking on the corridor floors. Term had started and Meg was relieved. The castle had seemed dead without the children, and now they were back life had returned. It was also a good way for Meg to completely ignore her fears. She buried herself in the lessons and resulting scrolls that would need marking. 

She pushed it firmly to the back of her mind, and instead, concentrated on her students. It was the evenings or when she was alone that Meg's mind would drift. She would sit and try hard not to think about what was happening to her, but it was unavoidable. She'd sit curled in her chair, staring into the fire. Completely oblivious to Snape's concerned gaze.

He asked her a few times what she was thinking off, but her replies were always vague, followed with her getting up and going off to get something or other. Several times she hadn't returned and he wouldn't see her again till the morning. He had asked her only once why she hadn't come back to him. She'd looked at him frowning and replied that she didn't feel like it. He'd never asked her again.

Meg was scared, she was scared that she slowly going like mother. She was scared because she didn't know how to deal with it. She couldn't say anything to anyone because talking about it, saying it out loud would make it real; take it past something she could ignore and deny, into something that had to be dealt with in the open. Something she would have to face.

She couldn't say anything to Severus. He would look at her with those black bottomless eyes of his, and she'd see pity, or revulsion or even both and she couldn't handle that as well. She knew he wasn't easily fooled, would soon know that something wasn't right. He already knew something was off, judging by the questions he'd asked. All she could do was stall, respond vaguely, and run from him.

He had always accused her of running out on him when it got tough. And he was right, she knew that. But Meg always had been a coward. It was just easier for her to deny everything, stick her head in the sand and try to keep ignoring it. Maybe it would go away.

Severus watched her closely and repressed the sudden urge to shake her senseless. She was sitting with her legs curled under her; the glasses perched on the end of her nose. She was staring into the fire; an unopened book lying on her lap, the flames reflecting in the red hints in her hair. She hadn't said a word in nearly an hour and no amount of prodding by him had made her tell him why she was so quiet and pale. He had tried every tactic he knew. But short of using force he saw no way of getting it out of her.

He lowered his gaze to her hands folded on the book, but he couldn't see if she was wearing the bracelet under the fluffy black jumper she was wearing. As far as he knew she'd not taken it off since he had given it to her. That had pleased him no end; the thought that she had liked it; wanted to wear it. He was certain the symbolism of the snake charm hadn't been lost on her, but she had never referred to it. He had plans for that bracelet, a new charm to be added every Christmas. Although he had to admit that he wanted to give the Badger charm to her on her birthday. He liked the thought of their two house symbols lying together on her skin. It suddenly struck him he didn't know when her birthday was.

"When's your birthday?" he asked quietly, watching her eyes. They didn't leave the dancing flames, didn't loose the far-away expression in them.

"October 12th," her voice was so soft; he had to strain to catch it. She wasn't as lost in thought as she appeared.

"Oh!" It occurred to him he'd missed her last birthday.

"Why?" she asked and finally turned her head to look at him, her eyes were still hazy, as if she'd just woken up from a long sleep.

"I realised I didn't know," he replied looking at her, his eyebrows drew together into a frown. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"No, thank you." She looked back into the fire and he repressed another sigh; so polite, like total strangers. It suddenly reminded him of a play he'd had the misfortune to read once. About a woman who had realised her husband was having an affair with a friend by one piece of information: How she reacted when he gave her a drink at a party. She had merely taken the drink without any acknowledgement, no thanks, not even look in his direction. An act of familiarity.

He was experiencing the opposite and he wasn't happy.

"Chess?"

He wasn't used to initiating conversation or activities with her. That had always been her side of things. She'd be the one to jump on him and ask him to walk with her, or play chess, or just sit and talk about a potion paper she'd read.

He had never excelled at the art of conversation, or even communication for that matter. But up to now it had never mattered. He remembered her accusing him of not being able to talk unless it involved the word cauldron or potion. She had been right.

"No, thank you." Her polite reply made his frown deepen.

"Okay, enough games, what is going on with you?" he asked sitting forward in his chair so fast he made her jump. Her eyes cleared and he saw the gleam of annoyance in them and, something else; resentment.

"Going on?" her voice was imperious, the slight hint of a posh accent that usually would make him tease her, but not today, today he didn't even notice.

"Yes. Going on, as in why you're suddenly so closed up."

"I'm just not feeling talkative." Her face was blank, her eyes were cold and it unsettled him.

"Megan, tell me what's wrong."

"There is nothing wrong." She stood up in one fluid movement, setting the book on the table beside her and walked to the door.

"I'll see you later," she said as she opened the door and went out, shutting it quietly behind her.

"The thought of tying you up is getting more and more viable," he growled to the empty chair and slammed his fists down on the arms of the chair.

She was so damn stubborn. He didn't think he'd ever met anyone quite as stubborn as she was. And it irritated the hell out of him.

It had crossed his mind that perhaps she had suddenly woken up. Suddenly realised just who he was. That she was, in effect, sleeping with a murderer. It struck as funny how they had both been involved with people dying; funny how the circumstances couldn't be further from each other.

Since they had come back from Diagon Alley over a week ago now, she'd spent about an hour each day with him and that was all. He'd waited till midnight on the first night but she hadn't slipped into his rooms like she usually did. He'd been in two minds as to whether to go to her; but he hadn't.

He knew that the better part of the remaining holidays she had been spent with Lupin and Black as they'd watched Potter show off on his new broomstick. He'd resented that strongly. Jealousy had hit him hard. He didn't know how to deal with jealousy; he'd never loved anyone enough to be jealous.

He was also aware of the type of knowledge they could give her about him. Both of them knew quite a few things that would undoubtedly colour him blacker than he already was. She already knew how he'd let slip about Lupin being a werewolf. Which in hindsight had been utterly motivated by revenge and anger; anger, that had he the ability to go over again, wouldn't be acted upon. It had been revenge on an innocent man. He almost felt sorry for Lupin; he always got the sticky end of the stick. And he had always been the only decent one among them.

Longbottom had given her that information, no doubt with glee that he could inform her what an evil black-hearted bastard he was. He wondered when Longbottom had told her, he reasoned that it had to be fairly recently, probably prompted by seeing Lupin again.

It had also occurred to him that she might be hearing things that were making her doubt him. He couldn't really blame her, but it didn't stop the cold, hard anger shoot through him.

He had known it wasn't going to last forever. Logic told him that a girl like her couldn't possible want to stay with him for long; that it had always just been a matter of time.

But it still seemed wrong somehow. It just didn't fit. It didn't fit what he'd found out about her over the months. She sulked, he knew that, but this was more than sulking; this was withdrawing. She was backing off from him. Slowly maybe; but backing off all the same

Megan wasn't the type to sit back on her heels and let it slide. No, he knew that if she'd heard something that annoyed her, she'd be down here, banging on his door, demanding to know why he'd been such an evil git. She'd never backed down on him, never. Granted, he had his ways of getting round her, but when it came to it, he'd only ever managed to put it off. Eventually she'd get back to the point she'd been trying to get across; which was usually that he was an overbearing bully, that treated his students no better than a piece of dirt on the road.

But she was definitely backing away from him and he could only assume it was because she was learning things that repulsed her.

If that was the case, what could he do? Apart from rip Black limb from limb. How could he fight the truth?

* * *

He opened his eyes and rolled over hoping to see her lying beside him. The bed was empty. He listened carefully, hoping she was singing in the shower. But only silence greeted him. He growled in anger and disappointment as he slid out of bed and quickly got ready for breakfast. 

It was Saturday and he half expected her to be here, demanding he got up so they could go into Hogsmede. They usually spent Saturday mornings in Hogsmede and then they'd come back, collect some gloves, borrow Fang from Hagrid and take a trip into the forest for whatever ingredients she'd need. She hated the forest, always keeping very close to him and Fang. Not that Fang could do much if it came to it. But he made sure they never went too deep. If they weren't in the forest then they'd be brewing some potion or other in the classrooms. That was probably when he was at peace most; when they would both be intent on the potion. Meg was easy to work with and intelligent enough not to drive him to distraction. But then he reasoned that if she hadn't been up to scratch, then she wouldn't be teaching here.

Sundays were his favourite day. They would take it easy, sometimes play chess, or walk in the grounds, when he would delight in taking points from any errant students they'd come across. This was done much to her annoyance; which was sometimes more fun for him than the actual point taking itself.

But she wasn't here this morning, hadn't been here all night. He'd waited again till midnight, reading the book she'd given him, half an ear open, listening for the sound of her coming in. But she hadn't come down. Eventually with anger and resentment filling him he'd gone to bed. Telling himself that it made no difference to him; but he was wrong and he knew it. He lay awake for ages, debating whether to go up to her, but it was her reaction to him that had put him off. He wasn't sure if she'd welcome him or shout at him to get out. He wasn't even interested in the carnal side of things. He just wanted to know she was there, beside him, in his arms. But she wasn't and he was terrified he'd loose her, knowing there wasn't a single thing he could do about it.

He swept out of his room, his black robes flapping around him as he made his way to the great hall to see how many students had crawled out of their pits long enough to stuff their faces. Maybe he could take a few hundred points for eating with their mouths open. That might make him feel better.

Potter and Granger were laughing over something they were looking at. Draco and the Weasley girl were conspicuous in their absence. He swept past the table and stopped behind Potter, his black mood making his sneer look extremely cruel.

"As intellectual as always I see, Potter," he sneered down at the Witch Weekly they were laughing over.

He watched in satisfaction as they both stiffened and shut the magazine, but not before he'd seen the article about valentine's day: 'How to get the witch you desire'.

"Ah! How sweet," his voice dripping icy sarcasm. "Perhaps we should use out next lesson in making a love potion."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but the glare he gave her was enough to make her shut it again quickly.

"Let's face it shall we? It's the only way anyone would be silly enough to consider you two. Unless of course, Potter, you are relying on your celebrity status to win the unlucky girl." He glared down at them once more before giving an evil grin. He turned and carried on to the staff table, quite aware of the word "bastard" being uttered. He stopped and turned slowly.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for insolence, from each of you." He turned back still sneering.

Meg wasn't sitting at the table; where in hell was she?

He sat down and attacked his toast with a knife, aware of Remus watching him closely.

"Wow," he grinned, moving down a chair to sit beside Snape.

"I thought I was the only one up this morning." He brought his plate of porridge with him and helped himself to another spoonful of honey, letting it dribble over the top of his porridge.

Snape snorted and began to eat his now mangled toast.

"I see you woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Remus chuckled, and avoided the evil glare he earned.

Dean came into the room from the side door and sat the other side of Remus, still yawning, he glared at Snape and nodded curtly to Remus; he sat next to Remus and poured a cup of coffee.

"Another person got out the wrong side?" asked Remus; he could sense the tension between the two.

"Shut up, Remus," Dean snapped. "I'm never a morning person."

"Perhaps you should have stayed away then," Snape said coldly.

"Perhaps you should get your ugly noise out of it!" Dean snapped back hatefully.

"Hey boys…" Remus held out his hand. "Remember the students."

"There's only five in the room Lupin, and all of them are as deaf as they are stupid." Snape snorted and pushed the half eaten plate of toast away.

"It's so encouraging meeting a teacher as devoted to your students as you are," Dean cut in mockingly. "Such an inspiration to us. We all aspire to reach your height of arrogance."

"Aspire to reach some intelligence first," Snape bit back, his mood getting blacker by the instant, he really didn't want to sit and fence verbal swords with this idiot, but if he insisted who was he to deny the man?

"Come on you two…" Remus looked at them worriedly, he knew there wasn't much love lost between these two and he guessed Meg was at the centre of it.

"Back off, wolf!" Dean snapped and Snape growled.

"You really ought to be more careful who you insult around here."

"It's okay, Severus, really." Remus wasn't offended, he'd heard it to often, and he was inherently a gentle man, who tried to see the good in everybody. It was his weakest point and his strongest.

"No, it isn't," Snape snapped, his voice so low and cold that any normal person would be backing of quickly, but not Dean.

"Oh, so you have the monopoly on bad manners and arrogance, do you?" Dean was fired up now, and feeling extremely annoyed.

"Yes," Snape retorted and leaned back in his chair, his face dark and unreadable, but the sneer and his eyes clearly showed his hate.

"It's a wonder you're allowed in this school, Snape. Of course it's common knowledge how you got the job in the first place. Who better to teach Dark Arts than you? I just wonder how many parents are really aware of your, how shall we put it, former occupation! I was always under the impression the Death Eaters had no mind of their own; just the ability to cause pain. Which doesn't really take that much skill does it? Are you worthy of the job?"

Snape leaned forward and pinned Dean with a black gaze, his eyes hard as stone.

Remus began muttering something desperately trying to get both men to see reason.

"You seem to have forgotten it is _Defence_ Against the Dark Arts that I teach, it's one thing to know a few curses but another to be able to defend yourself against them. Which I have no doubt you would be completely inept at. It would appear you can't stay awake long enough to teach divination, perhaps you'd find yourself cursed before you'd opened your eyes."

"I assume you think you're better than the rest of us," Dean laughed coldly.

"You should never assume anything; except for the occasional air of intelligence," Snape spat back, his eyes hard and glittering with pure hate.

Remus had given up trying to stop them and was instead trying to beam around at the children, trying to fool them into thinking this was perfectly normal and friendly. He saw both Harry and Hermione staring, aware of the two teachers going head to head. He shook his head sadly and sat back and just listened along with everyone else.

"Intelligence? Oh, I think I'm intelligent enough. Intelligent enough to see straight through you that is. Why don't you put your wand where your mouth is?" Dean was smiling still but it was a nasty smile; his eyes narrowed and cold.

"What do you suggest?" Snape asked softly, his voice low and chilly. Remus had to step in here.

"Come on guys, there's no way Albus will let you two loose." He tried to appeal to Snape's sense of reason and failed.

"He couldn't object to a little in class demonstration, could he?" Dean suggested slyly.

"Clearly you have no idea when to admit to superiority," Snape laughed coldly.

"Bloody hell you're arrogant!" Dean exclaimed hotly staring at Snape.

"Yes, but then I have reason to be. What is your excuse?" he set his knife down.

"I wouldn't have thought being a Death Eater was anything to be arrogant about."

"Now, hold on!" Remus held out his hand. "Severus is no longer a Death Eater and even when he was, he was spying for our side."

"Thank you, Remus, but I do not need anyone to fight my battle for me. Rider has expressed a desire to test my skills in the Defence of Dark Arts and I find myself not only obliged to answer, but indeed looking forward to watching Rider while he has several hexes covering him."

"Well for goodness sake don't use Stupify!" Dean laughed evilly. "I must have heard that one so many times now I could spell it backwards."

"And where would you have heard that one?" Snape snorted sarcastically.

"You'd be surprised; perhaps you've underestimated me."

"I doubt it. There's nothing to underestimate, except perhaps at one time I thought you must have been fairly intelligent to being teaching at Hogwarts. Now I see you were just lucky; dumb lucky," Snape sneered at him. "But then again how skilled is divination? Although I have to admit you are rather skilled at falling asleep in your classes."

Dean hissed at him and scraped his chair back across the floor.

"We'll see, Snape. We'll see if your skills are as sharp as your tongue."

"Well, why don't you grace us with your expertise at my next class." Snape smiled and it made shivers run down Lupin's back.

He really doubted that Dean knew what he was getting himself into.

"I'll see you there." Dean nodded at Snape.

"I really can't wait," Snape said, his voice was heavy with sarcasm. He got up and swept out of the hall.

"I really don't think that's good idea," Remus started on Dean. "You have no idea what Severus is capable."

"And he has no idea what I'm capable of," he retorted and leant closer to Remus.

"Maybe Snape has met his match." He smiled arrogantly and running a hand across his hair he stood and faced the few students who were still watching avidly.

Remus noticed a Ravenclaw with a forkful of food poised in front of his mouth. He absently wondered if the food had grown cold.

"Well, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that I've agreed to help Professor Snape in his next class. Give Professor Snape a run for his money shall I?" he smiled pleasantly at them. A ripple of laughter made Remus shake his head and stand up to leave the hall. He was more than concerned; if Dean was as useless as he would appear then Snape would be papering the walls with him. However, if Dean really did know a thing or two, they just might kill each other. Remus ran a hand through his greying hair and sighed. If anyone needed counselling it was that two. Severus for his attitude problem and Rider for… well, his attitude problem. He shrugged tiredly. Maybe they'd beat the hell out of each other and both loose the arrogance in the process. Then again maybe the moon would stop affecting him once a month.

* * *

Snape tapped his foot in annoyance. He'd tried the kitchens, the library; both sets of studies, her rooms, his rooms and still he had no idea where she was. 

Meg didn't want to be found, it was plain and simple and he'd have to accept that. So he did. He went back to his rooms and buried himself in the marking that waited for him. Slashing long red lines across practically every scroll he marked; his ill-humour even giving Hermione Granger an 80 mark on a scroll worthy of at least 90. He knew she'd come whinging to him, and he knew he'd delight in bringing her down to size with a nasty comment tailored especially for her. He almost looked forward to it.

Meg opened his door softly and slipped in shutting it behind her.

He looked up from his scrolls and then lowered his head back down, his hair swinging forward to hide his face; he slashed a long red line through someone's work.

Meg crossed to sit in the chair; she reached forward and undid her boots, easing out of them.

"Had a nice day?" he asked her coldly.

"No, not really," She sighed. "You?"

"Wonderful," he replied dryly and set his quill down.

"What did you do?"

"I woke up and realised once again you weren't here, so I went up for breakfast, thinking you might be there. You weren't. I took twenty points from Potter and Granger, which made me feel much better. I spent an hour trying to find you after breakfast, gave up and came here to start on this lot. I've been here ever since having a wonderful time with my pot of red ink."

"Oh!" She looked at him but he was intent on tidying up the scrolls.

"Where were you?" he asked, his voice showing no interest at all.

"I went for a walk," She said quietly.

"Where?"

"Er, just about." She shifted and avoided his eyes.

"Really." His voice so dry she winced.

"Okay, then, I went into Hogsmede."

"Hogsmede? Why?" He was surprised, he hadn't expected that.

"For the walk; and a quick visit to Honeydukes; thought I try to cheer myself up a little."

He pushed his chair back and crossed his legs.

"It wasn't quite what it used to be though. You know what I mean?" She hitched her feet under her and watched him through misty eyes.

"Explain."

"Well, y'know, chocolate ice-cream could pretty much cure all ills. Or it used to anyway. I miss the things I took for granted, parents that could make everything right, no matter how badly I screwed up. When the only things that mattered was my grades and if I had spots that noticed, or if the boy I'd spent two terms mooning over, even knew I breathed; which of course he didn't."

"People grow up," he said quietly, his eyes loosing some of their hardness.

"I know. And it's not fair."

He stood up and crossed to her, he reached down and picking her up, sat himself down on the chair and curled her in his lap.

"Life isn't fair."

"No, but it bloody well should be!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder.

"You have those memories Megan, some people can't even lay claim to that."

She knew instantly that he meant himself, but she knew that it wasn't an invitation to ask him about it.

She nodded against his shoulder and closed her eyes, refusing to think past him holding her, his hands on her back and his slow, even breathing.

"Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?"

"I'm not," she whispered

"You've just got all nostalgic; that tells me you're feeling sorry for yourself. Why?"

"I don't know, just a bit down; must be the start of the term again, post Christmas blues." She fidgeted with his top button, easing it in and out of the buttonhole.

"Goodness, it doesn't bode well for you if you get depressed now on your first year of teaching. What on earth are you going to be like in ten years time?" He slid his hand inside her jumper to touch the smooth skin of her back.

"Probably like Professor Binns." She smiled.

"If you mean boring and tedious; I believe you're half way there," he mocked her gently but there was no cruelty in his tone.

"Hey, take that back. I am not boring or tedious. I have never had anyone fall into their cauldron because they fell asleep." She knew he was teasing her to get her to smile and it had worked.

He ran his fingers down her spine and round to her side where he knew she was ticklish. She squealed and jumped as he slid his cold fingers over her side.

"As for falling asleep at least my students aren't scared of me." She wrenched his hand away and dragged it round to her stomach.

"A healthy does of fear is good for quiet lessons," he responded and promptly slid his hand back again. He mercilessly tickled her until she was crying with laughter. She'd slid from his lap to the floor trying to get away from him, but he'd just slid down with her, tickling both her sides; pinning her to the floor easily.

She couldn't talk for laughing and tears were running down her cheeks. He leant over her, his hands sliding to grip her hips. He stared down at her for several seconds before leaning closer and brushing his lips over hers. He kept his eyes open, looking down into hers.

She blinked a few times and lifted her head to return his kiss.

His eyes closed moments after hers as he kissed her with all the passion she roused in him.

* * *

Snape stood up and sighed as he crossed to the door.

"What's up?" she asked, looking up from her book. She'd heard the funny sounding noise and looked round to see what had caused it.

"Trouble in the common room, I won't be long." He left the room and crossed to the common room.

Snape didn't announce his arrival in the common room; he stayed unseen by the door and watched. He wasn't surprised to see Draco Malfoy standing over another boy, blood dripping from Draco's nose. The other boy twitching with the hex he'd had flung at him.

"Anyone else care to challenge what I say?" he hissed looking up at where Crabbe and Goyle were both nursing black eyes.

Several of the kids shook their heads and disappeared up the stairs to their rooms.

Pansy didn't, she moved out from behind the chair she'd hid behind and faced him, her pale face proud.

"You're a traitor Malfoy, why the hell should we listen to you?"

"Because I tell you too, that's why! Who I see and don't see is none of your damn business," he growled and stood up from the boy to cross to stand in front of Pansy.

"Does your father know?"

"He does now, thanks to you."

"I'll bet he beat you black and blue," she spat.

"He slapped me on the back and told me I was doing a fine thing." Draco omitted to mention the fact that his father, thanks to Professor Snape was under the impression that Draco was merely stringing Ginny along to have some fun at her and her family's expense. He'd even told Draco that he'd loved to see Arthur and Molly Weasley's faces when they found out that he'd been 'playing' their only daughter.

Pansy couldn't get any paler as she turned and hurried up to the girls dormitories.

Snape smirked and left without getting involved or being noticed. Draco had to stand up for himself here; and it seemed as if he was doing just fine. He'd seen a side of Draco, since he'd started seeing Ginny, that up till now he'd only hoped the boy had. Considering his parentage he'd been very doubtful that Draco was seriously interested in Ginny. It had come as a surprise to him when he'd taken him aside after he'd broken Megan's nose, to learn he was serious about Ginny. So serious he was willing to give up everything that his father could provide for him. Snape had told him to let him deal with Lucius, which he had. He'd told Draco there was no use in showing his hand now, when his father would disown him. He told him to wait till he had left Hogwarts and could strike out on his own. He'd spoken to Lucius in person, hinting at what boys were like with a pretty face, that once Draco had his fun he'd move on. Lucius, who wouldn't have considered his son genuinely liking a Weasley in a hundred years, had swallowed the lot and had even taken it further in his own imagination. Until eventually Draco was deliberately stringing Ginny along to get back for the unjust accusations that had been thrown at his beloved father. Snape had stood by, nodding in the right places, hiding his smirk long enough to get out of there and back to Hogwarts. He'd informed the headmaster of everything and then promptly put it to the back of his mind.

Snape mused over Draco and Ginny as long as it took him to get back to his rooms. He let himself in and froze. Meg wasn't in the chair. He strode forward quickly and went into the bedroom; she wasn't there either. Then he heard it, she was singing as she showered.

Relief flooded through him. He stayed still and listened to her words.

"I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.. la….la, la, la," He smirked at the way she never knew all the words. He didn't think he'd ever heard her sing a complete song from beginning to end.

His smirk faded as he listened to her sweet voice, the high notes all off key the low notes husky and …. was she crying in there?

Snape had never walked in on her when she was in the bathroom. She had never walked in on him. It had been an unspoken agreement between them, a respecting of privacy.

She began singing a different song and he stepped closer to the door. It was ajar so he could hear her quite plainly.

He heard her hiccup, her voice cracked on the last note and he reached out his hand to the door. Damn the unspoken rule. He pushed the door open and stepped inside. She was sitting in the bath, her back against the side facing away from him; the water cascading down over her shoulders.

"Megan.." he stepped forward and sank to his knees beside her.

She gave a cry of shock and turned to look at him.

"What's up?" he asked reached around her and switched off the taps. She looked away and brought her knees to her chest, arms hugging herself.

"Nothing…" she was shivering now the water had been turned off.

"You always cry in the shower?" he asked, one eyebrow raised. He took the towel from the side and draped it over her shoulders; giving her modesty and warmth.

"Damn you," she muttered. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself okay?"

"What again? I thought we'd gone through all that earlier."

"Please don't start on me." She stood up and wrapped the towel around her before stepping out of the bath. She went passed him into the bedroom mumbling, but he caught her words all the same.

"Are you the only one allowed to brood?"

"Yes." He nodded and stepped right up to her. He took the trousers from her hand and threw them across the room.

"Hey my…"

"You stand less chance of running out on me if you're naked," he hissed. "When I ask you what's wrong I don't expect to be insulted."

"Why can't I feel sorry for myself?" she demanded.

"Because it makes you miserable and I don't like seeing you miserable."

"So let me get dressed and I'll go be miserable elsewhere," she snapped at him.

"Bloody hell, you're annoying! I don't want you being miserable anywhere. I don't want you to hurt. I want you to tell me what's going on so I can help you."

"I don't need help," she said quietly.

"No, you need a slap," he insisted and sat her down on the edge of the bed.

"Megan, tell me what's going on. It's more than just wishing you were a child again isn't it?"

She looked at him; it would be so much easier, to just tell him everything let him deal with it. Let him handle everything why she just sat back and watched him. But she couldn't do that; couldn't take the risk that he would take care of her. He'd probably take her to see the headmaster, they'd assess her, realise she was totally losing it and ship her off to St. Mungo's. She'd loose her job; she'd loose him and her sanity. She'd rather die.

"I'm just a bit grumpy. Nothing much. I… need…"

"What?" he asked frowning, he didn't believe a word of it, he'd almost seen the wheels turning over in her brain. Deciding whether to let him in on whatever it was. Obviously she'd decided not to.

"I need a hug," she whispered. "Nothing else; just a hug."

He blinked and then stood up quickly. He stripped off the robes and stood in front of her with just his shirt and trousers on.

He lifted her and moved her further on to the bed, before climbing on beside her. He drew her back into his arms and lay back, cradling her head on his chest. She almost wrapped herself right round him. Her arm went round his waist, her legs crossed over his.

He sat forward slightly to reach the blanket; he drew it up over her and felt her cuddle closer. He rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes.

He was confused. It didn't happen often, but it was happening now. If she had started to doubt him and their relationship, then why was she wrapped around him now as if her life depended on it?

If Black and Lupin had disclosed some of the things he'd done to them and their friends. If they'd told her some of the things that Death Eaters did would she really be here? Would she really let his hands rest on her bare skin? Would she let him hold her so close?

He doubted it greatly; but then if it wasn't that, what was it? And why couldn't she tell him? Resentment shot through him; he resented the fact she was making things hard. Resented that she didn't trust him enough to talk to him. But he'd still hold her, still do what she asked; because he was scared of losing her.

Meg stayed with him that night. Stayed in his arms; letting his warmth and security lull her into feeling safe.

She stayed with him every night after that. Outwardly nothing had changed, but inwardly she was retreating from him further and further and he knew it.

Several times between the Monday and the Thursday, things had happened to Meg. Once she'd lost her entire terms lesson planner. She could have sworn she'd left it on her desk in her study. She'd searched everywhere, to find it, several hours later; on her desk, stuck under some other papers.

Twice she'd found herself down by the lake with no knowledge of how she got there.

Each time she'd felt the fear inching closer, the feeling that she was drowning, loosing control. And each time she wasn't able to convince herself quite as much as she had the last time; that everything was fine and normal. That she was just a victim of stress and not insanity.

A/N: Disclaimers and credits: The lines of song are from "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart.

Snape's thoughts about the couple who were having the affair isn't from a play, it is in fact from a film called "The Tall Guy", I watched it years and years ago and for the life of me I can't remember much about the film other that one scene. I can't see Severus spaced out in front of a film so I made it into a play… Sorry!

The line "Never assume anything except for the occasional air of intelligence" is sadly not mine. It came from a TV show in the eighties "Robin of Sherwood" with the delicious Michael Pread. I loved that show and that line uttered by the Sheriff of Nottingham to Guy of Gisbourne had to be the best line in the entire series. I'm not sure if this ever aired outside of Britain. You missed a great show if it didn't.

Martha: You can never review too many times. I live for them! It gives me encouragement that I'm not making an idiot of myself. Well not too much of one anyway!!!

P.A.R. The whole one on one thing with Dean and Snape had been playing around in my mind, but I wasn't sure whether to go ahead with it or not. I couldn't imagine Snape ever getting violent, and no doubt he'd have to fight verbally, which scared me a lot. I hope that you like what I've done. Thanks for giving me the encouragement to carry on.

Scented Hairpin: Here's another mention just for you!!! Thanks!

Bdwrm: Dean blames Meg for his sisters death, in his eyes he's got a pretty good reason. Thanks for reading and reviewing. It makes me so happy.

Thanks to everyone else who leaves me a little note to cheer me up and tell me I'm not alone in my obsession with Snape!

And thanks to everyone who reads but doesn't leave any notes, but are still with me in my obsession!

Have a great day where ever you live!


	17. It's Nothing to do with trust

Updated 2008

Okay! Disclaimer and all! Here I go on more insane ramblings!

* * *

"It would appear that our Divination teacher, Professor Rider, knows a thing or two about the Dark Arts," drawled Snape, his voice lazy with sarcasm. He glared around at his most disliked class; Seventh year Gryffindors. 

"He has very kindly agreed to sit in on this class and indeed, offer a few pearls of wisdom." Snape looked across at where Dean was standing; his hands were clasped together and a huge false smile was plastered across his face. Snape sneered and looked back out at the class. They were all well aware of the exchange in the hall; it had spread like wildfire.

Snape stood up from his desk and folding his arms turned to look back at Dean.

"Everyone on their feet, push all the desks to the back of the classroom. With the least possible noise," he snapped, his hard eyes not leaving Dean's face. Snape had briefly wondered how much Dean actually knew about the Dark Arts. He was certain that underneath all the exterior show and friendliness that Dean wasn't as stupid as Lockhart had been. He could still see that idiot go flying off the stage, with half the girls anxiously looking to see if he was alright. His eyes flickered to Hermione Granger, but she was whispering to Harry, not looking adoringly at Dean. He was relieved about that; he might just remove every single house point from her if he had to face that as well.

"Granger, ten points from Gryffindor for whispering."

She looked indignant but kept her mouth shut; at least after seven years she'd finally realised when to keep quiet.

"Well, Professor Snape, it looks like we're ready, how would you like to proceed?" Dean inquired politely.

Snape heard someone whisper for Dean to use the killing curse on Snape; but he ignored it and instead turned to face Dean.

"Come now, Professor Rider, no need to be shy, we're so honoured to have someone of your knowledge. Please, inform us how you want to proceed," his voice dripped with sarcasm, his black eyes hard as stone as they bored into Dean.

"Well, why don't we ask the students; any of you want to see a particular curse or spell? And please, don't say the Killing Curse," he laughed and smoothed his hand over his hair.

Several hands shot up and Snape felt almost cornered, he knew that every single one of them would just love to see Dean wipe the floors with him. But he just sneered and kept his eyes open; he didn't trust Dean one bit.

"Hermione?" Dean beamed at her, she went slightly pink.

"I've been reading about a curse called "Frigidtus" and I wondered what the effects in relation to Stupify were?"

Snape snorted, trust her to come up with a curse that probably hadn't been used for fifty years. His eyes swept back to Dean who had seemed to pale. Interesting, Snape thought, he watched Dean closely through narrowed eyes. Perhaps he didn't know as much as he claimed. Or had he been a victim of that particular spell?

"Which…er…. Where did you read about that? It's a very old, seldom used curse."

"One Hundred and One Curses," she replied.

"A little light reading, Granger?" Snape sneered nastily and stepped forward ready to take his class back now. "Well, Professor, surely with your level of expertise that's a perfect one to start on. Perhaps someone, other than Miss Granger, can tell us what they know about the curse?" he looked around and saw a few hands; Longbottom's seemed to be quivering half up and half down as he always did when he knew the answer but didn't really want to speak out loud.

"Mr. Longbottom, regale us with your knowledge do," he drawled and arched an eyebrow as Neville's legs gave out and he plopped down into a spare seat.

"It's almost identical, except it's…" he dried up swallowing noisily.

"Do go on, we're riveted," Snape drawled.

"It can't be countered by will power," he finished in a rush, going bright pink with effort.

"Well done!" Dean exclaimed clapping his hands. "Ten points for that Neville."

Snape glared at Dean and drew himself up to his full height.

"Do you mind." He enunciated every word. "This is still my class!"

"Sorry!" Dean smiled. "Got carried away." He winked at Neville who was smiling, bright pink still.

"As Mr. Longbottom pointed out so eloquently," he sneered at Neville. "It doesn't matter how much you try to overcome it, you can't. Only ending the spell will break the effects." Snape stepped forward and drew his wand from his sleeve.

"Shall we, Professor Rider?" He raised his wand and before Dean even had time to react, he had been hit.

"You didn't even give him a chance!" Harry cried out and immediately regretted it.

"I'm sorry, Potter, I wasn't aware that if someone wanted to attack you with this curse or indeed any curse, they were going to let you know ahead of time," his voice was full of mockery. "Perhaps I have the wrong class, this is Defence _Against_ the Dark Arts isn't it? Perhaps you'd care to take over from here, Potter? Seeing as you already know how to defend yourself," he sneered at Harry who glared back, going pink around his ears.

"If you're expecting your opponent to be wearing a sign announcing his intentions, then your intelligence isn't as low as I thought, it is completely non existent; or perhaps you think you're indestructible?" He glared at Harry, watching the boy colour up. "Absolute idiot, Potter, absolute idiot."

Snape advanced on Dean, a disdainful sneer on his face as he circled him. He was enjoying this immensely. Dean had annoyed him from the moment he'd smiled that wide toothy smile. He was extremely suspicious of people who smiled too much, especially when their teeth were a white as his; it just wasn't natural in Snape's view.

"Professor Rider can hear every word that is being said, but he is completely unable to move, he can't even swallow," Snape sneered nastily and stood to one side.

"How would you try and defend yourself against this?" he barked and wasn't surprised when only Hermione's hand went up.

"Go on then Miss Granger, seeing as you're trying to reach the ceiling again. Enlighten us."

"Expelliarmus!" she answered and looked pleased with herself.

"If you were quick enough it might work. Why don't we try it?" He turned and ended the spell on Dean who sagged and gulped.

"By the way, did it hurt at all?" Snape asked mildly.

Dean had recovered himself and stood up to his full height and beamed around at the students.

"No, I'm perfectly okay, didn't hurt a bit."

"Shame," muttered Snape, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Perhaps Professor Snape would be good enough to show us how to defend ourselves?" Dean smirked at Snape who merely nodded.

Rider squared himself up and began to take the customary duelling position, he raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" Snape roared and Dean's wand flew from his hand, he flew backwards knocking a couple of students over with him.

Snape ignored then and turned to the others.

"I knew what was coming; I was aware Professor Rider was about to curse me. To truly be able to defend yourself you'd need second sight." Snape sent Dean a nasty smile. "Seems Professor Rider must have left his behind in the Astronomy Tower."

Seamus Finnigan's hand shot in the air.

"Yes?"

"How do you defend yourself when you don't expect it?" he asked frowning.

"Very good question!" came Dean's mild voice just before he cursed Snape with the Frigidtus curse. It hit Snape who hadn't even been looking at Rider.

"Unfortunately…" Dean circled Snape who was rigid in much the same manner as Snape had before. "If you're not aware, you will be caught out. Like our dear Professor Snape here."

"So what do you do then?" Seamus insisted, beaming at the rigid form of Snape, this definitely had to be the best class they'd attended this year.

"Can he stay like that?" Neville whispered to Ron who snorted with laughter.

Dean turned to them and half bowed in arrogance.

"One: never turn your back on someone you don't trust. In fact, never turn your back on someone full stop. Two: Try not to be in a position where you'd need to defend yourself. I know that "you know who" is dead and gone, but that kind of element," He looked directly at Snape and smirked. "will always be with us. Unless you plan to pursue a career in the ministry, stay away from places you know to be a danger." He circled Snape once more and then ended the spell.

Snape jerked once and then glared at Dean in pure undisguised hate.

"Thank you, Professor Rider, of course you forgot the most important point of all. Never underestimate your opponent." Snape had a tickling charm on Dean before he could blink. "And never over estimate your own abilities." He released the charm and watched Dean drop to his knees. "There is always someone who knows more than you do, always. And there is always someone who won't care about the niceties of duelling. If you really want to defend yourself trust no one."

"Any questions?" he looked round at his student, taking note of the undisguised dislike directed at him.

Once again he sneered as Hermione stretched for the ceiling.

"Yes?"

"Surely you have to trust someone, saying to trust no one would make for being paranoid."

"Quite right!" Dean interjected fully recovered. "But being paranoid is always better than being dead."

"What Professor Rider is trying to say," Snape glared at him. "Is that you shouldn't just accept things on face value. Most of you should be aware of that now."

Ron nodded wisely and whispered something to Harry who grinned.

"Care to include us Mister Weasley, don't deny us your intellect please," Snape drawled, not even looking at Ron, but still keeping a wary eye on Dean.

Ron coloured and shifted slightly

"I was thinking about what my father told us once."

"Is this pertinent or just another of your rather rabid ramblings?"

Ron glared at the floor before clearing his throat and speaking up.

"We were at the Quidditch world cup and the Veela turned nasty when they lost…" Ron cleared his throat and began again in a clearer voice. "My dad said that was why we should never judge by looks alone."

"Spot on, Ron!" Dean beamed and Snape rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"I think perhaps we've wasted enough of your time today, Professor Rider, there must surely be a cup of tealeaves waiting your attention somewhere," he drawled sarcastically.

"Not at all, it's not often I get the chance to actively participate in one of your classes. Your skill in the Dark Arts is well known throughout out the wizarding world. Not many can attain to your level of experience."

Snape stared at him, his face black as thunder, his eyebrow drawn together in a deep frown. He looked extremely dangerous.

He heard the collected sigh of relief when the bell for end of class rang.

"Have I been saved by the bell?" Dean grinned at the students.

"Two scrolls of notes on today's lesson and one scroll of suggestions in defence against the curse you saw today," Snape barked.

Everyone cleared the room in record time, leaving Snape to set the desks and chairs back with a flick of his wand. He watched Dean going out in the middle of students laughing about something; him no doubt. He slammed the door shut on them; glad it was the last lesson of the day. He was feeling decidedly unsettled, as if he should know something and he didn't. He crossed to his desk and sat down, he laced his fingers together on the desk and stared out across the classroom; his eyebrows drew together in a frown as he marshalled his thoughts. He was missing something and he had a feeling it was important.

A knock on the door broke his thoughts making him curse under his breath.

"Come in," he growled and watched the door open.

Remus stuck his head around and smiled; his face was pale and tired looking.

"Just wanted to make sure you were still breathing in here."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," Snape drawled and stood up, waving Remus to come in.

"I have no idea how Dean is in flinging curses about, but judging by the excited chatter I've just heard it was pretty impressive in here."

"I hit him with Frigidtus." Snape watched Remus cross to sit on the edge of a table and inspect his scuffed boots.

"Did you? Who suggested that one?" Remus looked up in surprise. "I didn't think that was used anymore."

"Hermione Granger in a little light reading came across it," he snorted in derision.

"Ah! Hermione; she's going far that girl," he chuckled fondly.

"As long as it's far from here, I really have no interest," Snape retorted and taking his cloak from the back of the door slipped it around his shoulders.

"But?" Remus prompted. "There's always a but with you, Severus."

"I got the impression it startled him."

"It startled me… where did she find that one?"

"One Hundred and One Curses." Snape watched Remus chuckled. He frowned, it was getting close to the full moon, and although the potion negated the full effects he knew it still drained the man.

"Nothing if not studious," Remus murmured and rubbed a hand down his tired looking face.

"Annoying, you forgot annoying," Snape pointed out quietly. He would have to watch Remus closely this time, see what kind of effect it had on him. He'd never had the advantage to see the effects first hand and he was pretty certain that when he inquired Remus played it down. Well now, he'd have the perfect opportunity, maybe he could alter the ingredients, try to make it easier on him.

"So how did it go?" Remus ignored his last comment and slid down off the table to cross to the door with him.

"He's not quite as ignorant as Lockhart." Snape opened the door and allowed Remus to go through. "But just as arrogant."

"Where are you going now?" Remus asked.

"Down to my rooms for a bit of peace and quiet," he said.

"And is Professor Kincaid going to be there?" asked Remus innocently, although the twinkle in his eyes gave him away; that and the fact that Snape knew him quite well.

"How should I know?" snapped Snape, eyeing Remus coldly

"Just wondering," Remus chuckled, he'd been told by a few of the staff that they were involved. It had surprised him; in all the years he'd known him through school, he didn't ever remember Severus dating a girl. Not for long anyway, and always a fellow Slytherin, but as Remus understood it, Megan was a Hufflepuff. He had watched at first and was now convinced that Severus had done the unthinkable and fallen in love. He was also aware that Severus wouldn't admit this even if he was at wand point. He wondered if Severus even knew himself. He grinned and decided to test the waters.

"I take it then that if I were to ask Professor Kincaid if she wanted to go to Hogsmede for a meal one evening, you'd have no objections?"

Snape looked at him his face completely blank, just a touch of his usual sneer on his lips.

"I would have no say in it," he said his voice devoid of emotion.

"Are you sure of that?" Remus laughed softly.

"What Professor Kincaid does in her own spare time is up to her. I fail to see why you are under the impression it would make a difference to me," he snarled and turned to sweep away, his head high.

"Of course, Severus, and who are you kidding more I wonder?" Remus laughed and carried on.

* * *

Meg sat with her legs crossed doing some deep breathing exercises; she'd had a tough day. She'd come down here to relax and wait for him to come in. 

There was a potions paper on his desk that she wanted him to look through. It had been sent to her this morning by owl from a research professor her father had known well. She knew it would interest him as well.

Snape opened the door and came in. She sat up straight quickly and looked at him.

"What are you doing?" he snapped, his temper still high from Remus' teasing and the lesson with Dean.

"Decorating your room in lurid pink, what does it look like?" she snapped back equally short-tempered.

"Try it and I'll make you wash it off with a toothbrush," he snapped and swept into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

"Nice to see you too dear," she yelled sarcastically at the top of her voice and jumped to her feet. She stretched and crossed to his desk. She heard the bathroom door open but she didn't turn around.

"Sorry," his voice was low and awkward.

"Me too," she replied softly and turned from the desk. "You had a lousy day too?"

"You could say that." He leaned in the doorway, his arms crossed.

Meg sighed and turning leant back against the desk, taking the papers in her hand.

"What have you got there?" he asked quietly, his eyes on the papers.

"Persona Mundatus Potion Theory." She waved them around slightly, seeing the spark of interest in his eyes. "I was gonna have a bath at some point. Let me use your bath and I'll let you read my potions paper! It has some excellent ideas on changing personal features that would just knock Polyjuice Potion off the shelf. That is if the theory stands the test. He hasn't done any practical work yet, just these theories." She bribed him smiling.

"Shall we save on water and have one together?" he asked her, one eyebrow rose suggestively. "That way we can discuss the paper in comfort."

"Severus!" she exclaimed laughing.

"Makes sense, don't you think? Especially seeing the bath is big enough for an entire Quidditch team to fit in!"

"I'll take your word for that," she snorted and stood up to cross to him.

"Don't make it too hot please," she murmured and stretched up to kiss him gently.

He wound his arms around her waist and he pulled her closer till he could bury his face in her neck.

"You smell good enough already," he murmured.

Meg smiled against his shoulder, the papers clutched to his back.

"I see your learning the whole meaning behind flattery."

"It's the truth. Flattery has nothing to do with it," he muttered and picking her up took her into the bathroom, closing the door behind him with his boot.

* * *

Meg couldn't sleep. 

She lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. The candle in the corner making dancing patterns across the ceiling.

Meg sighed softly and slid out of the bed. She wrapped her robes around her and sat in front of the dying fire.

Her eyes fell on the Persona Mundatus papers they'd spent most of the evening going over and arguing about. Meg could see no reason why it couldn't work. Snape on the other hand had no doubt in its failure. They'd spent several hours going over the paper from several angles until it was late. Then he'd taken her bed, asking her to stay. And she had.

Her eyes strayed to the vial beside his bed. She knew that to be able to sleep he had to be either physically exhausted or he'd have to take a sleeping draught. While she could help in the physical exhaustion area she was powerless to help him sleep otherwise. She knew he had his own demons to battle. It seemed that everyone had their own demons to fight.

Megan had experienced insomnia quite a few times. When her mother had been sick it had been hard to get any sleep, even when she wasn't giving her father a break at nights and wouldn't be disturbed she still found it hard to sleep through.

When Sarah had died it had taken her years to get past the nightmares and the guilt that would keep her awake night after night. Her father had refused to give her a sleeping potion on a regular basis. She wiped her hand across her eyes and was surprised to feel tears on her cheeks.

She'd worked herself hard at gaining her Professorship, and slowly, exhaustion had won over. Time, as it always did and would, had kept on going. She didn't recall when she had been able to sleep without first working herself into a stupor, it just happened. Things had slowly got better. She had slowly got control over herself and her life.

She had been so excited when she was offered the position of Potions Master here at Hogwarts.

She looked up at where Severus lay, his black hair splayed over the pillows, his face cast into shadow by the candle light. She didn't want to loose everything she had gained; she wouldn't loose everything she had. She got to her feet and crossing back to the bed, slipped in beside him. She refused to give in.

She lay back and gripped the sheets; she jumped as Severus slid his arm over her stomach.

"Megan," he mumbled and she realised he was still asleep. She stroked her hand over his arm and closed her eyes. Sleep still wouldn't come, so she made herself go over the papers again. Made herself think over the formulas that he had insisted wouldn't work. She must have drifted at some point close to morning.

She felt something tickle over her face and hair. She moaned and grumbled.

"Wake up." He drifted his finger down her cheek and watched as she mumbled and turned over, burying her face in her pillow.

"Don't you want to watch the Quidditch game this morning?" he asked her softly.

"Can I take the bed out onto the stands?" she mumbled, coming too with heavy gritty feeling eyes.

"I'm sure Minerva would love to see you sleeping in my bed. It would probably finish her off," he chuckled and then remarked quite coolly, "Which would leave the position of deputy head free, mmm, perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all. Hold on and I'll levitate you out."

"Severus Snape you mercenary toad!" She sat up and regretted it immediately as the room spun dangerously, she slumped back down groaning.

He leant back over, his earlier teasing gone.

"Megan? Are you unwell?"

"Not enough sleep and too much analytical thinking last night."

"Breakfast will help. I never thought I'd see the day where I would actually encourage you to eat," he snorted, but it wasn't unkindly.

"Food?" she grinned at him. "What an excellent idea. One of your better ones!"

"All my ideas are excellent," he replied dryly; watching her slide out of the bed and make her way into the bathroom.

"That's debatable," came her clear voice as she pushed the door closed.

"Hurry up. I'm refereeing today," he called back.

"Who is it?" came her shout, and he could tell her toothbrush was in her mouth as she shouted.

"Slytherin and Gryffindor," he called back grinning maliciously.

"Oh you mean a bloodbath then!" She smirked as she reappeared in the bedroom and crossed to pick up her clothes from the chair.

"Not at all." He looked offended. "I'm most fair."

"You look the other way you mean," she corrected and went back into the bathroom to dress.

"You just don't understand the rules," his voice was condescending.

She came back out fixing her hair into a ponytail.

"The way Slytherins play I wasn't aware there were any rules."

"Brat!" He opened the door and they left for the great hall.

* * *

Meg turned the corner clutching the pile of books. She felt one slip and the whole lot went tumbling to the floor. Swearing softly she knelt and started to gather them together.

"Clumsy."

She looked up and saw Dean coming down the corridor.

She ignored him and picking up the books stood up and went to move past him. He side-stepped, blocking her way. She went to move the other side just as he did.

He laughed and reached out, gripping her shoulders tightly.

"You stand still and I'll go round you." The smile slipped from his face.

"Let go of me," she hissed, preparing to drop the books again if need be.

"Oh, don't get all defensive on me, you're no fun Megan, no fun!" he laughed.

She wrenched backwards, the books tumbling to the floor again.

"Why don't you just levitate them?" he asked quietly. "Easier than carrying them surely?"

"What do you want Dean? I have to get on!"

"I wanted to know how you're feeling?"

"What?" she stared at him.

"You look dreadful, as if you've had a few sleepless nights! Snape keeping you busy is he?" he smirked. "I suppose considering the amount of rape and pillaging he must have done. He'd have quite a lot to show you."

Megan reacted instantly; she cracked her palm across his cheek. The sound ringing out in the corridor like a whip crack.

She stumbled backwards but not before he'd gripped her wrist in a painful grasp.

"Let go of me!" she hissed in pure fury.

"How dare you hit me," his voice was pure ice; his eyes hard and narrowed. "You just changed all the rules of the game."

"What rules? What game?" she snapped. "You're mad! Do you honestly think you can get away with hurting me?"

"I have up till now," he told her quietly, his voice low and even, almost a whisper. "And I will make you pay; I will make you break, Megan."

"What are you on about?" she brought her free hand up and slid the wand out of her sleeve. "I'll hex you if you don't let go."

"Go ahead," he muttered and letting of her wrist he stood back and mockingly bowed to her.

She muttered a charm to bind his wrists together; but nothing happened.

"Bloody wand!" she screamed, slightly loosing control. Fear cascaded over her. She shook it violently, aware of him laughing at her. She backed up, trying again but still nothing happened.

Megan realised she was in real danger now. She turned and ran, her legs went limp as he hit her with a curse and she fell forwards, onto her hands and knees.

She heard his boots clicking on the stone floor as he came towards her. Slow deliberate footsteps that made her wretch in fear. Bile, hot and painful rose in her throat. She gagged and it went down again, burning her, making her gasp.

She opened her mouth to scream and gagged as something wound around her face, keeping her mouth open.

She groaned and struggled to face him, her legs refusing to do as she asked.

"Women!" he muttered as he crouched beside her and adjusted the gag he'd slipped around her. "Don't you want to know what's going on?" he stroked her hair out of her eyes and watched with a sneer as she jerked away from his hand, her eyes filled with hate and fear.

He chuckled and reached out to take her now limp hands.

"Oh, now this is nice," he remarked and unclipped the bracelet from her wrist. He held it up and examined it before smiling at her.

"No prizes for guessing the serpent charm came from a snake?" he chuckled and slipped it into his pocket.

"I could do so much damage to you with this."

Meg fought so hard, trying hard to resist the hex that covered her legs and arms making them useless. She was terrified and so very angry at the same time. How dare he take her bracelet, how dare he treat her like this?

She could no longer move. She had never experienced anything so scary; nothing came close to the overwhelming feeling of fear filling every pore. She had no control, no way of protecting herself. Tears slid from her eyes. Tears she couldn't stop.

"Oh don't cry, sweet." He wiped her tears away with his thumb and sat beside her properly.

"You want to know what's going on don't you?" He nodded and made himself comfortable, he settled his hands in his lap and Meg realised with sickening clarity he was mad, not just angry mad, he was mentally deranged. He had lost his grip on sanity and as such was probably the most dangerous thing she could think of. There would be no reasoning with him, not that she could speak, but someone that had no balance in their mind was unable to be reasoned with. She frantically tried to think how she could help herself. What she could do that would give her a chance to survive this. But there was nothing. She was helpless and extremely vulnerable. She was victim to his whims and there was nothing she could do except pray someone would come along and find them.

"I know you think that I'm mad, but I'm not. Not at all." He shook his head. "In fact I'm extremely clever. So clever that I can make you go mad and no one will ever find out why. I can make you hurt so much that death will be welcome for you!" He grinned evilly, his eyes blank as a slate.

"You think your wand is malfunctioning, don't you?" he laughed. "That is probably the best thing I ever thought of; I've enchanted your wand. It won't work if I am close by you, twenty yards I think I made it." He chuckled and reaching out took her hand in his.

Meg's felt more tears leak from her eyes.

"Oh I know; you had it checked, I saw you coming out of Mr. Ollivanders. For one moment there I thought the game was up. But it's incredible how people don't see the obvious. They don't see what they aren't looking for. I was banking on Ollivander thinking along the lines of malfunction and not enchantment. Why should he? There is no danger at Hogwarts! And certainly not to a teacher." He laughed and let go of her hand; it thumped to the floor.

Meg processed the information slowly, her mind finding it hard to work over the fear.

"And of course, there's the whole business of you losing patches of your memory."

He smiled down at her and stood up…

"But the fun is just beginning." He laughed and stood back slightly.

He released the spell holding her, the gag slipped from her mouth.

"You won't.." her voice cracked as it sank in she'd been screaming silently.

"Won't what? Enjoy seeing you hurt? How wrong," he stood back and obliviated her. Once again he watched as her memories slid into blackness.

Meg stumbled to her feet and saw the pile of dropped books.

She shook her head, trying to free her thoughts from the cotton wool that seemed to be tangled around them.

Had she tripped up? She crossed slowly to the books and bent down.

Her limbs felt so heavy as if she'd been asleep for a long time.

She gathered them into a pile and picking them up stood up.

She frowned; she had that blackness creeping into her mind. She didn't remember dropping the books, didn't remember falling over them; but what had happened if she hadn't fallen.

"Meg?" she looked up sharply and saw Remus coming down the corridor.

"Hey, Remus." She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked as he drew near to her. "You're very pale."

"Hum?" she tried for vague and was more successful than she hoped.

"I was just heading to the staff room for some tea, care to join me?"

"I was…" she frowned. "I was just going…" she stopped; she couldn't remember where she was going. She panicked blinking rapidly.

"To come and drink some tea with me," finished Remus, a slight frown puckering his forehead. He took her elbow and drew her along the corridor, leading her firmly to his office.

He let them in and watched as she sat in a chair letting the books slip to the floor again.

"I thought you said the staff room."

"Did I?" he smiled at her and busied himself getting them some tea.

"This is your first teaching position isn't it?" he asked, his voice was kind and easy on Meg's frayed nerves.

"Yes," she sighed the word.

"Not quite as easy as they try to tell us, is it?" he laughed and handed her a cup of hot tea.

"No," she replied staring down at the steaming brew. He settled into the opposite chair and watched her.

"You look tired."

"So do you," she replied, the heat of his fire and the sweetness of the tea calming her. Her rational thoughts came kicking back in; another silly fall, that was all. It was nothing, nothing at all.

"I am; but then you know why." He smiled at her. "The potion Severus has given me does help though."

"Good." Meg couldn't drag up the energy to make small talk. She was feeling so very tired.

"Who are you teaching this afternoon?" he asked, watching her eyelids fluttering open and shut.

He didn't get a reply; he leant forward and took the cup from her hands.

He stood up and covering her with a blanket he left his study. Whoever she was teaching this afternoon would have to put up with him. She looked like she could sleep for a fortnight and still need more. And he knew what that felt like.

* * *

Meg was mortified. She'd fallen asleep in Remus office' missed her last class and now felt like hell. She entered the staff room hoping to find Remus.

"There you are," she gasped when she saw him sitting in a chair. "Why didn't you wake me?" she demanded. She heard a few gasps and some chuckles. She looked round her in confusion and then realised what her words sounded like.

She shrugged and slumped into a seat.

"I didn't mean it like that," she groaned shaking her head.

"Well, you were either asleep with Lupin or you weren't," came Snape's cold voice. The staff room went deathly quiet; Meg felt her heart sinking like a stone. Trust him to be here and to get the wrong end of the stick.

"She fell asleep in the chair, Severus," Remus said quietly.

Meg looked up and saw Snape sneering at them both. Hillary by his side with a Quidditch sheet in her hand, looking quite concerned.

"You don't have to clarify anything for me, it doesn't concern me," he intoned icily before taking the sheets from Hillary.

Meg felt as if he'd skewered her heart with a red hot poker. She didn't say anything; she just got to her feet and walked calmly to the door. She wouldn't bolt, wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing he'd hurt her.

"Megan." She heard Snape's voice behind her but she didn't stop.

He caught up with her easily and fell into step with her.

"I apologise."

"Again," She said. "Besides you spoke the truth, why apologise for the telling the truth." She stopped outside her rooms and opened the door.

"It wasn't the truth," he admitted, his voice low with regret.

"Really?" she looked up at him. She felt so tired and abused. "Shame because I don't care anymore." She went in and shut the door on him, locking it behind her.

She crossed to her bed and slumped down on it, staring up at the ceiling blindly.

Her door was unlocked and he came in, closing it and relocking it behind him.

"You really have to learn when you're not wanted somewhere," she intoned blankly.

"Why did you fall asleep in his chair?" he asked her ignoring her comment.

"Oh, let me think, I was bursting with energy." From somewhere deep inside she managed to dredge up some sarcasm; defensive sarcasm.

"Enough!" he snapped. He strode over to her bed and gripping her arm he pulled her up. She cried out in shock, but he didn't let her go.

"I've had enough of you pushing me away," he hissed, angry with her and angry with himself. "I won't tolerate you lying to me."

"I am not lying," she cried out, he let go off her arm.

"You are! Every time I ask you what is worrying you shut me out and lie." He stepped back to pace in front of her, his face a mask of fury.

"Leave me alone!" she cried angrily. He took one step towards her and gripped her upper arm painfully.

"No. I've left you alone too much. You've been backing away from me for awhile now and I want to now why!"

Anger hot and vicious shot through her.

"Well, there really nothing wrong so I guess you're all worked up over nothing."

"Don't treat me like a fool! It's not Longbottom you're talking to now." He let go of her arm and gripped her shoulders instead. "Megan. I want to help you." The anger left him as he looked down at her tired face

"You can't," she said, the fight leaving her at the look on his face. "There's nothing to help me with."

"When are you going to stop lying to me?" he asked exasperated. "Is it too much for you? Albus would give you an assistant if you wanted one."

She bit her lip but didn't look at him.

He crossed to her fireplace and grabbing a handful of dust he threw it into the fire.

"You know where I am if you decided to let me in," he said sharply and stepped into the fireplace, muttering "my study" as he went.

Meg watched him disappear with a 'pop' and slumped back onto the bed.

She looked down at her wrist and saw a ring of bruises around it. She slid her robes up higher. Finger prints lay on her skin like brown roses; he'd bruised her. He'd never done that before.

She traced a finger over one of the bruises; but he hadn't gripped her wrist so he couldn't possibly bruise her. So how did she bruise her wrist? Confusion filled her and then something occurred to her that cleared everything from her mind; her bracelet was missing!

She stood up and searched on the floor frantically. Where was it?

She crossed to the fireplace and taking a handful of dust she called Remus' name.

She went back to the bed and began searching again.

"Megan?" Remus head was in the flames, looking concerned.

"Did I leave a bracelet in your study?" she asked him crossing to the fireplace quickly.

"Hold on!" He disappeared and she waited, chewing on her nails.

He reappeared and shook his head. "No, there's nothing down here."

"Okay, thank you, oh and, Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Don't mention it to Severus, will you!" She shrugged apologetically to him.

"Not a word," he assured her and disappeared again, the flames return to their normal orange colour and Meg hurriedly left her room.

She searched everywhere for it, her study, her bedroom. She even waited for Snape to go out before sneaking into his rooms and searching from top to bottom. But it was nowhere to be found.

She was on her hands and knees looking under his bed for one last time when the door opened and he came back in. She jumped and hit her head on the struts under the bed.

"Megan?" he came forward frowning as she emerged from under the bed, rubbing her head and cursing.

"I was looking for something," she began, and blushed bright red.

"Clearly," he stated and slid out of his cloak. "What?"

She cursed again and slumped. She had to tell him.

"Well, see…" she ground to a halt and got up rubbing the dust from her robes.

"No, not yet…" he shook his head. "It may help if you explain in more than two words and then I can help look." His tone was tinged with a hint of sarcasm; he was still annoyed with her. She bit her lip thinking that annoyed would soon turn too furious.

"It was an accident. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was an accident."

He groaned and sat down in the chair sighing.

"Well, now I can rest easier knowing it was an accident. Just one small question; what was?" his tone dripped sarcasm now.

"Erm…wellI'vesearchedeverywhereandIcan'tfinditanywhere.I'msosorryIlostyourbracelet."

"Pardon?" He stared at her. "Was that English?"

"I've searched everywhere and I can't find it. I'm so sorry; I've lost your bracelet," she repeated herself no louder than a whisper. And then waited for his anger; she kept her eyes on the buttons of his frock coat, cringing.

"You lost the bracelet." His voice was completely flat, it didn't give away any of his feelings and she knew to gauge his reaction she'd have to look at his face. Or to be more exact, his eyes.

She slowly raised her eyes, keeping her head down. But his face was as expressionless as his voice.

She lifted her head and looked him in the eye. She was surprised to see no anger in their depths, only… she frowned.

"You're not angry with me are you?" she said quietly.

"Do you want me to be?"

"What kind of question is that?" she asked, he was confusing her.

"It's not my bracelet. It's yours," his voice was so deep it sent shivers down her spine.

"I don't know how it came off."

He arched an eyebrow at her and then frowned.

"You didn't take it off and leave it somewhere?"

"No." She shook her head. "I haven't taken it off since you put it on my wrist." She held out the bare wrist to him.

He didn't look down just frowned at her; but he wasn't angry. She lowered her wrist again and sat down on the bed to look up at him.

"Why aren't you mad with me?" she asked him quietly.

"It's a bracelet, just a bracelet; inanimate, replaceable," he enunciated every word, his voice deep and low.

She clasped her hands together and shrugged, she was upset. So damned upset.

"But I loved it," she managed on a sob. "And I went and lost it."

He looked at her in concern, was she about to loose it? Just for a bracelet? Granted it'd had been expensive, but it was after all, only a bracelet.

"I can buy you another if it means that much." He came to stand in front of her.

"I don't want another one! I want that one," her voice cracked and she jumped to her feet and ran for the door.

"Oh for Merlins…." he muttered a spell and locked the door before she could even put her hand on the handle.

"Stop running out on me; it's frustrating and very immature," he intoned darkly. "Now come back here, sit down and let's discuss this like adults."

She turned to stare at him.

"I want to look for my bracelet," she replied shaking her head at him.

"Megan." He stood up and crossed to her quickly. "I know you haven't been sleeping. I know that it's your first magical teaching post. So much has happened to you in such a short space of time. It won't be failing if you need help."

"I can cope," She denied. "I really can. I just want to find my bracelet."

"You fell asleep in Remus chair and ended up missing a lesson."

"It won't happen again." She shook her head, a strong sense of déjà vu filling her.

"We've had this discussion before." She sighed "And I have never got drunk since have I?"

"You're exhausted, Megan. It's in your eyes, under your eyes." He lifted a finger and gently traced it across her cheek bones. "It's not going to mean you're a failure if you request an assistant for the rest of the term."

She sagged slightly and then straightened once more, she wouldn't give in. If she took the assistant, heaven knows what would happen if they found her in one of her blackouts…

"I'm fine really, Severus, there is no need to worry." She smiled at him and copied his earlier actions and used the powder to go back to her rooms.

Severus watched her disappear, a fit of rage took him and he swiped his fist across the mantelpiece sending everything crashing to the floor.

Why wouldn't she open up to him; why wouldn't she trust him?

He stopped and closed his eyes. He had no reason to expect her to trust him. How could he expect her to trust him, with the things she knew about him. She'd heard from Longbottom first hand how he'd betrayed Lupin in a fit of anger. She probably was weary of receiving the same treatment. He also had no idea what Black had told her when they'd all been so cosy together.

He swept out of his rooms; intent on getting this cleared up once and for all.

"Remus, do you have a minute?" Severus Snape stuck his head around Remus study and was relieved to find only Remus in there.

"Come in." Remus watched Snape move in to the room and sit himself down on the chair; he crossed his legs and rested entangled fingers on his knee.

Snape remained silent for several minutes, his eyes on the parchment in front of Remus.

"What did Black tell Professor Kincaid about me?" he asked finally, his tone dark, the tone of voice he used on errant students.

Remus was taken aback by the question.

"Nothing… why?" He sat back in his chair, his face clearly showing his surprise.

"Are you certain?" Snape pinned him with glittering eyes that made Remus frown.

"Why do you ask, Severus?"

"I find it hard to believe that Black would turn down the opportunity of blackening my name."

Remus rubbed his nose thoughtfully

"He did try but she wouldn't listen." He watched Snape for any reaction, but his face and eyes were carefully guarded.

"Is she okay?" asked Remus. "She was extremely tired in here earlier."

"She's fine," Severus snapped, his mind still working over the fact she hadn't wanted to listen.

"Severus, it may have completely slipped past you, but the girl worships the ground you walk on." He shook his head. "Why I have no idea." He grinned softening his words.

"I hardly think she does that," Snape snapped back darkly.

"Open your eyes, Severus, she's in love with you; how do you feel for her?"

"Mind your own business," he retorted nastily.

Remus cleared his throat and sat forward to look Severus in the eyes.

"You do feel something though, don't you?" he continued, ignoring the warning in his eyes.

"Lupin, stop now while you still can."

"You must feel something. Your face when you knew she'd fallen down those stairs," he mused, watching his face flush with anger.

"We have become friends…" Snape allowed.

"Friendship is a good place to start any relationship." Remus nodded and wrote something on the parchment.

"What are you writing?" he snapped.

"Nothing to worry about." Remus set his quill back down. "So you're friends. Why are you here?"

"I…" Snape stopped and focused on the parchment, trying to read upside down. But he had the distinct impression that Lupin's handwriting was illegible either way up.

"I.." Snape stopped again and glared at the bemused face of Lupin.

"What?" he snapped.

"I don't think I've ever seen you lost for words."

"I am not lost for words," Snape growled. "I am merely here because I was concerned, as one would get for a friend, that Professor Kincaid was so exhausted she would fall asleep in here."

Remus nodded again and picking up his quill began to scribble.

Snape reached forward and snatched the quill from his hand.

"I refuse to be a pet subject with you."

"Relax, I was merely putting down key words. Helps to focus the mind."

"Well, don't!" Snape held onto the quill. "Find another way!"

"Have you tired talking to her?"

Remus question was unexpected and Snape was startled into replying.

"Well, of course I've spoken to her; but she's so stubborn she wouldn't tell me anything."

"I was just considering the difference of asking and demanding." Remus grinned at him and watched as Snape squirmed slightly in his seat before gripping the chair arms and stiffening up.

"I asked her nicely and…" He suddenly shot up from the chair. "What am I doing here anyway?" he muttered.

"Severus…" Remus stood up. "I'd like to think we are friends; or at least getting that way. I would like to help you."

Snape regarded his face closely and sat down.

"I never could understand why you got yourself so mixed up with Potter and his gang," he muttered.

"Thank you." Remus accepted Snape's acknowledgement of their friendship and sat back down too.

"She's changed." Snape sat back in his seat and crossing his legs allowed himself to relax enough to think clearly.

"In what way?"

"She was always stubborn, always a royal pain in the neck," he mused, his eyes on the far corner, seeing the months that had gone past.

"She's quieter," he finally acknowledged and heard the scratch of the quill again. He gave up and concentrated on his thoughts instead.

"I would have thought this would be better for you," Remus finally remarked after several minutes of watching Snape stare into space.

Snape didn't speak just grunted. His fingers took up a tapping rhythm on the chair arm.

"I'm missing something, Remus and I know it's important, but I can't put my finger on it."

"Something missing?" Remus was lost now.

"In her attitude, she's quieter; more subdued and moody." He frowned and tapped harder.

"Is there…" Remus cleared his throat, wondering how to ask a question that would horrify Severus.

"Is there what?" he was demanded.

"Is there a chance she could be pregnant?"

WHAT?" Snape nearly levitated off the chair he was so startled.

"Pregnant. It does happen." Remus watched the dawning horror in his eyes and sent up a quick silent prayer that she wasn't.

"I suppose it would explain the mood swings, her exhaustion. I remember Diana my sister…" Remus spoke again and wished he hadn't.

"She's not pregnant," he muttered stonily. "I have made certain…." He stopped and cleared his throat

"It does happen though and I really don't think you should ignore the possibility." Remus waited and then added softly. "If she is and she knows…" He left the rest unsaid but Snape got the message very clearly. If she knew, she'd be terrified to tell him because of his reaction. He thought back to earlier, when she'd been so scared to tell him about a simple thing like a lost bracelet. She'd been certain he'd be angry with her.

He stood up and left the office without another word. He walked quickly towards the staff area, intent on finding her.

He had no idea how he was going to go about this. But one thing was certain, he wasn't father material. Never had been and probably never would be. So what would he do if she was? He clicked his tongue in annoyance. No need to jump to conclusions just yet. He rounded the corner and stood before her door. He didn't bother knocking; it just didn't enter his head. He just unlocked it and went in.

Meg was stood on a chair, her eyes wide with fright.

She looked at him and almost cried.

"Severus, thank Merlin!"

All thoughts of pregnancies flew out of his mind.

"What on earth are you doing up there?"

"Look." She pointed with her wand towards the foot of the bed.

"I can't see…" He stopped several feet from the bed in surprise.

"A spider?" He turned and couldn't stop the sneer spreading over his lips.

"Not just A, several bloody billions of the bastards," she squeaked and a movement from the spider made her raise her wand shakily

"Stupfiy, stupify, stupefy!" She yelled at it, sparks coming from her wand as she hit and missed the poor spider.

"Watch out!" He jumped backwards just as a spark almost caught his boot.

"Well, get out of the way idiot!" she cried at him.

"Stop it now," his voice was low and deep, and she stopped instantly, to peer at him through a curtain of disarrayed hair.

"There were more; they went under the bed."

"I'm not in the least bit surprised," he snapped and drew out his wand he uttered a magnetising spell and five spiders came trooping out from under the bed to join their fallen comrade.

Meg gave a groan and uttered her own spell. She was now levitating several inches of the chair; her robes pulled up high enough to show half her legs.

"I never knew you were afraid of spiders," he commented and sent the group of spiders into her rubbish basket.

"What are you going to do with them now?" she demanded, her eyes firmly on the basket, her wand ready in case.

"Take them out."

"Go on then, and don't bother bringing the basket back; just in case."

"Just in case what?" he snorted dryly. "They are hardly up to laying any eggs…Ah!" he remembered his purpose in coming here now.

He eyed her strangely and walked to the door, holding the basket.

"Don't go anywhere," he intoned darkly

"I want be… not yet anyway," she called and stayed exactly as she was.

She was still on the chair when he came back in five minutes later, no basket in sight.

"What did you do with them?" she demanded.

"Hagrid has taken them to release them back into the forest." He frowned up at her.

"You can come down now."

"Er… um…"

"What?" he asked wearily.

"Could you just, y'know."

"No, I don't know."

"Check."

"Check what?"

"For spiders, y'know, just under the bed."

"I used a magnetising spell. It would draw any…"

"Please, just in case."

"Just in case of what?" he demanded grumpily.

"In case they can, y'know, resist magic! Please, just a quick check, not much, just under the bed, in the corners. Just the usual places, under the desk, under the sheets, oh and on top if the canopy; and in the drapes and behind the curtains." She bit her lip and shrugged at him.

"They can't resist the spell, Megan," he told her slowly as if he were talking to a child.

"Please," she begged him.

He snorted and rolling up his sleeves he got down on his knees.

"This goes any further than this room and I will personally see to it that you will be owled a spider every day for the next nine years. Understand?"

"I love you," she replied softly and waved him towards the bed. Grumbling he ducked under the bed and began the search. He searched every inch of the room with Meg giving him directions all the way round. Finally he came to a stop in front of her. His sleeves still rolled up, the mark showing slightly under his pale skin.

"There is nothing in this room except us two."

"Thank you," she sighed linking her arms around his neck.

"My hero," she whispered and kissed him softly. Once again the reason he had come here almost drifted from his mind; almost.

"Megan, are you pregnant?" He came right out with it. He saw no reason for beating around the bush.

"Am I what?" she gasped, still clinging to him.

"Pregnant. With child. Mine; to be exact."

"No. Why do you ask?" She stared at him in shock.

"Are you positive? There is no room for error?"

"No." She blinked and shook her head. "You know my cycle as well I do now, I'm never late; I'm not missing any either!"

He stared down at her, aware of the relief that flooded through him, to disappear as quickly as it had come. If she wasn't pregnant what was causing her mood changes?

He frowned trying to think but she was kissing his ear and pressing against him, her small hands winding into his hair. He dismissed it, he'd think about it later. There were more pressing things to be dealt with now.

"You do realise that what you had me doing there is going to take an awful lot of gratitude on your part," he smirked at her and walked backwards to the bed, taking her with him.

"An awful lot," she agreed and smirked back at him.

"In fact you may never be able to thank me enough."

"Well, I'd better start thanking you now hadn't I?" she grinned and pushed him backwards, falling with him on to the bed.

A/N: Whew!!!! This is getting harder and harder! I've read this through several times but as always I'm not certain. Especially with Remus' character. I find him hard to peg and he's probably a little OCC here, so I'm sorry if he disappoints anyone!

A very quick apology for the way the layout of the story is. I write in word and then save it as HTML to keep the Italics and Bold print. But it seems to muck the spacing up sometimes. Thanks for not yelling at me for that!

P.A.R.: Thanks once again for the encouraging review. I do take it seriously because it's reviews like this that tell me if you are happy with the story. Although it's something that's obviously rattling around in my head, and I know what I want to happen (believe it or not!) I don't want to go and write a story that you'll all hate. So I do take into account what people write in their reviews. And I take note of their wish lists too! ;-) thanks!

Martha: thank you for asking your friend to read the story. I was so flattered, it made me grin so much my hubby got a bit worried that I'd finally flipped! (something he's been watching out for, for a while now!) Thanks for the input about the whole Snape/Lupin/ finding out.

Sweetwood: Thanks! I hope I don't get you into trouble!

Mione: Hang on, It'll get sorted, I think! (evil grin!)

Lunermouse: Thanks for hitting the review button and saying nice things!

There are so many people I want to say thanks to that it'd probably be longer than the chapter and sound pretty pretentious too!

Thanks for being nice to me and hitting the review button and taking the time to leave a message.

Have a nice day!


	18. Jack's Back

* * *

Updated March 2008

* * *

Six spiders in her room.

One she could deal with. Encourage it into a cup, using the end of her wand or encourage it out the door, and if all else failed the sole of her boot worked quite well. Although that was definitely sweat inducing, as they tended to move faster than she did. But six at once all in a little group on the mattress? That she couldn't deal with, especially as lighting the lamps in her room seemed to bring them to life and sent them scuttling off the bed and towards her.

She had managed to jump on the chair and stupify one; the others had sensed danger and scuttled under the bed. Where, she had no doubt, they watched her with beady eyes and glistening fangs.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been stood there when Severus had calmly unlocked her door and walked in. But she'd never been so pleased to see him.

But six spiders?

She turned over and slid her hand under the pillow to cushion her head better.

She shivered as she thought about the big, hairy eight legged fiends that had been sitting on her bed. She had never seen so many spiders in one go. She shuddered again. Where had they come from? She knew there were no more now, not after Severus had searched for her.

An image of him on his knees with his head stuck under her bed made her smile. He was a good man; despite what everyone else saw, despite the way he treated people. Well, he was good to her; sometimes.

She frowned and watched the flame of the candle flickering.

He'd asked her if she was pregnant? Where on earth had he got that one from? She thought back over the day.

She shook her head; it would certainly explain a few things. The tiredness, the dizziness; possibly even the blackouts. But she wasn't, and it didn't.

Sighing she turned back over and looked straight into Severus' black eyes.

"Oh!" She was startled. "I thought you were asleep."

"Can't sleep, Megan?" his eyes were alert, no hint of sleepiness in them.

Meg sat up and drew her knees to her chest to look down at him. He turned to lie on his back, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Why can't you sleep?"

"Why can't you?" she returned.

"Don't answer a question with a question."

"I'm not sleepy." She shrugged. "Probably slept too much in Remus' office." She bit her lip; they never really resolved anything today. They very rarely did, but then she only had herself to blame for that.

"Severus, nothing happened, y'know."

"I know," he replied softly. "What were you thinking about?"

"When? In his office?"

"No, now. Instead of sleeping." He sat up beside her and turned slightly to face her. The grey night shirt he wore buttoned up to his throat.

"The spiders," she admitted; that was a safe topic.

"I can assure you, there are no spiders in here."

"Oh, I know," she said quickly. "I was just thinking how I'd never seen so many at once."

"Where were they?"

"They were on the bed when I came in," she replied and plucked nervously at a loose thread on the edging around the oversized t-shirt she wore in bed.

"Together?"

"Yeah, in a heap."

"Megan, were they moving when you came in? Fighting?"

"I don't know. I just lit the lamps and the light seemed to make them wake up, as if they'd been group napping or something. Why?"

Severus lay back down, his mind working quickly.

"Megan, have you had any others in here before?"

"What spiders or men?" she joked and stopped when she saw his face.

"Er, sorry, Erm. No, not that many at once. I think since I've been here I've found maybe two in here. And not nearly as big as those monsters! Why?"

"Odd."

"Scary," she corrected him and shuddered.

"How long have you been scared of them?" he asked and watched as she looked guilty.

"Er… I was about four I think." She shifted and decided to tell him.

"I was never scared of them before that. But I was… sometimes… cruel. I found two spiders once and was playing with them; I encouraged them down this hole and then blocked it up. It haunted me for weeks, those poor spiders. I must have suffocated them. I had horrible nightmares after that. I've never been nasty to animals since." She looked down at him.

"Every child has their moments. You learnt from yours," he informed her quietly.

"Megan, was your friend scared of them?" he watched her face closely.

"No. She used to laugh at me." She half smiled at him. "But then I never told her why I was scared." She frowned at him. "Why the twenty questions?"

"Interested."

"You're not scared of them are you? Of course you're not." She snorted in self-mockery.

"Why do you say of course not?"

"You don't come across as the type," she said gently. "I don't think anything would scare you," she added.

He arched an eyebrow at her but didn't respond directly.

"Would you believe me if I told you Hagrid was?" he spoke quietly several seconds later.

"No!" She snorted with laughter. "The man had a three headed dog according to Neville, and raised a dragon; I can't see Spiders doing much to him."

"You're not quite a gullible as I had thought then," he snorted and tugged her down beside him.

"Severus?"

"Hum?"

"How did they get in here?" she asked the question that had been playing around on the edge of her mind.

"I'm not certain; yet."

She looked side-ways at him and slid her feet under his leg.

"Goodnight," she muttered and turned over, her feet still tucked under his leg. She felt safe with him beside her. Spiders couldn't hurt her if he was near. Nothing could.

"Goodnight, Megan," he replied vaguely, his thoughts beginning to fall into place.

* * *

"Look, spring is on its way." She tilted the white petals of the snowdrop forward for Snape to see.

"At last," he snorted dryly.

She crouched back and looked up at him.

"It's been a hard winter, hasn't it?"

"Coldest in twelve years; or so Hillary informed me the other day."

"Hum." She looked back down at the clump of Snowdrops and smiled. "I wonder if we'll see any other flowers," she mused and stood up straight.

"If we stay here all morning I'd say no, we won't," he drawled and arched an eyebrow at her as she stepped back to look up into the blue cloudless sky.

"It's too beautiful a morning to go rushing around, Severus."

"It is…pleasant." He allowed and looked up towards the Quidditch pitches. Even from here they could hear the screams and laughter of the students practising.

"Praise indeed, Severus," she mocked him gently and carried on walking towards the outskirts of the castle.

She heard him snort and felt him move beside her as he caught up with her.

"Severus?"

He looked down at her but didn't reply. Her head was bent, the hood of her cloak covering most of her face.

"Why did you ask me if I was pregnant?"

"I wondered when you'd finally ask me that." He stopped and using the toe of his boot pointed out a clump of yellow primroses to her.

She hunched down beside them and inspected them closely.

"It's a pretty strange question don't you think? Considering the spells and potions we use every time we… every time we… y'know."

"Every time we, _y'know_?" he smirked at her and nudged her gently with his boot, making her look up at him, her cheeks flushed slightly.

"Eloquently put," he teased her gently. "But you have a point."

He watched her stand up slowly, not taking her eyes from his face.

"Well?" she prompted.

"It was a possible explanation for your exhaustion and your irritability."

"I do not get irritable," she exclaimed.

He just raised his eyebrows at her and turned to carry on walking.

"Megan, why wouldn't you listen to what Black wanted to tell you about me?"

"Black? Oh Sirius?" She frowned in confusion. "Who told you he'd spoken to me?"

"I asked," Severus said quietly.

"Oh! Well…" She thought about it as they turned the corner of the wall and seeing no students out of bounds they turned and started back the way they'd come.

"Megan?" he prompted her as they began to steer towards the Quidditch pitches.

"It wasn't his story to tell I suppose," she replied. "A bit like reading someone's diary," she added and looked at him pointedly.

He snorted and shook his head at her, the sunlight catching in the greasy strands of his hair and making it shine slightly.

"I didn't actually read any. I told you I wasn't really aware of what it was at first."

It was her turn to snort at him.

"Right! As if Severus Snape, the most alert and intelligent man I've ever met, would sit with a book in his hands and not know what it was!"

"Believe what you will; I had other things on my mind at the time." He kept his head up, his eyes following the spinning and diving of the students on broomsticks.

"I won't pick one up again," he said quietly.

"I know. I trust you."

"Do you?" He looked down at her, his eyes narrowed. "Perhaps if you'd listened to Black…"

She cut him off angrily.

"Severus! Black, I mean Sirius, has nothing to say that interests me. If you want me to know, which I don't think you do, you'd tell me. I can guess, but I'm not going too, because I don't care. Well, obviously I care, but what I mean is, it's your past; I don't need to know anything."

"Black doesn't know anything," he said quietly and looked down at her. "I will never tell you Megan, never."

"I won't ever ask you to," she replied softly.

"But you still insist you trust me." His lips curled cruelly. "You have no idea what I've done and yet you still lie beside me at night."

"I trust who you are now," she said it firmly. "I trust what I see in you now."

"No, you don't," he said it quietly. "If you trusted me you'd tell me what was wrong."

His words hit her hard, like she was being hit by a million Bludgers. She reeled back physically and turning hurried away, leaving him watching her as she almost ran from him.

Severus Snape watched her go and snorted in derision.

Of course she doesn't truly trust you. Of course she'd never tell you, you a former Death Eater.

He turned on his heel and stalked back the way he'd come, his cloak flapping behind him.

Maybe he should have told her that her handwriting was as illegible as Lupin's, that it would have needed major translation into English first! Not that he had actually read anything; he'd realised what it was the moment he opened the cover.

Maybe he should have told her that he just wanted to help. But he'd already tried that line of reasoning and failed. She obviously doubted he'd be motivated enough to help somebody other than himself. He couldn't say that he blamed her either.

But then he'd never told her that he did love her; never told her that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life. He'd never told her that she was rapidly becoming his whole life.

He was a fool. He knew it and yet… what was her love if she didn't trust him? Where was their relationship going to go without trust?

He'd never really done anything to earn her trust. In fact, if he was truthful he would admit that he didn't truly trust her either. If he did he'd be telling her things that would make her understand why he was the repellent, ugly, bastard he was. Why he said things to her and others to push them away. There was always the possibility she'd find out one day anyway, how would she look at him then? Would she look at him? Wouldn't it be better coming from him in the first place? Did he trust her enough to tell her?

He stopped and turned, he could still see her hurrying back to the castle, her head bowed, her footsteps hurried. He watched as her foot got caught in the hem of her robes and she tumbled to the floor.

He snorted softly; she had never been clumsy. But recently…

He frowned and watched as several students came over to help her up. She spoke to them for a few minutes; he could imagine her laughing at herself as she thanked them.

He watched her start to walk back again, her head still bowed. He squinted slightly and recognised Longbottom as one of the students who had helped her up. He was quite close to her as they walked. He didn't like that; not one bit. He resisted the urge to go charging up there and remove ever last house point from him for talking to her.

He was jealous of Longbottom, jealous of the easy friendship they had together; jealous that she was friends with someone other than himself.

She wasn't a good influence on him. She was making him experience feelings he had always thought would never happen to him. Feelings he even doubted really existed. Feelings that he didn't really deserve; he didn't deserve to love someone and he certainly didn't deserve their love back.

He shook his head violently. A strand of greasy hair plastered to his cheek. He swiped it away angrily and realised just how greasy it had become. The last time he'd washed his hair was before Christmas. It was the first day of February tomorrow.

She never said anything though. He ran a hand through his hair and wondered again why she stayed with him. Wondered again how she could bring herself to touch him, touch his hair. But she did.

If he could just get her to tell him what had been bothering her since before Christmas.

He was aware something was wrong. She had retreated right into herself at one point; it hadn't been so bad since the time he'd found her crying in the bath. But he was still aware that sometimes she was miles away in her thoughts. Somewhere she didn't want him to be. After last night he'd wondered if someone had been playing pranks on her; his immediate thought was Rider.

He was absolutely sure that the spiders had not arrived on their own. He'd realised that as soon as she'd told him how she'd found them. Hagrid had confirmed it when he'd told him that this sort of spider just didn't come out from the forest. He had to admit that they would have been a frightening sight; six spiders the size of small saucers on her bed.

He'd almost got straight out of bed and headed down to Rider's rooms there and then. But he'd stayed with her and reasoned it out in his head. He seriously doubted it was Rider; whoever had planted them wasn't very good at playing the game. It had to be someone who didn't know how to be discreet; sending six unusual spiders into her room, spiders that would no doubt stand out as being different.

It was someone who disliked her, obviously. But why? And who?

He was pretty certain it wasn't a staff member, other than Rider, she seemed to be liked by them all.

Which only left students.

He would find out though. And when he did….

He carried on walking deep in thought. Maybe she'd had other things done to her that she was keeping quiet about. Or maybe she wasn't aware she was being targeted. He needed for her to tell him what had been going on.

* * *

Meg was frozen by his statement.

He was right and he was wrong, so very wrong.

She wasn't trusting him, in that he was quite correct. But then again, he'd made it perfectly clear to her that love had never entered the equation between them.

How could she tell him about her the gaps in her memory? How could she expect anything of him when he didn't love her? She didn't doubt that he liked her. There were moments when he held her so tenderly, or times when he'd touch her cheek gently, that she knew he was fond of her. When he'd held her in the infirmary after she'd fallen down the stairs; he'd held her so tightly; told her he'd been afraid he'd lost her. But he had never said he loved her. He had told her he didn't think he was capable. And maybe he wasn't.

But it had been love that had kept them going with her mother. And that had been hard. It had been very hard at the end to look at the frail, shell called Mother and still feel love and not just pity. To Meg, her mum had died months before, leaving just her mother behind. In the end pity had been the one remaining emotion that she could cling to; pity and anger that life could be so unjust. She had loved her mother deeply, but still a small part of her had been horrified by the changes taking place in her mother. Horrified and just a little revolted; that the woman who had once been so vibrant with life had been reduced to having every personal need done for her. But when she finally had died, slipped away in her sleep, Meg had cried, her heart had broken because she had loved the shell, had loved her completely, it had just been buried very deeply in order for her to cope.

And then had come the guilt; guilt that she had been revolted by her mother's state. Revulsion for the way her mother had reacted sometimes. The times she hadn't known who Meg was; the times her mother had slapped her and pulled her hair because she thought she was stealing her clothes or her food. Or the times she couldn't control her bodily functions. Or the times she would sit and curse in her chair at them all. But they'd stayed with her, never once considered St. Mungo's; because they had loved her.

The one thing she couldn't lay claim to with Severus.

That and the realisation that she would rather die than have him subjected to what they had been.

It wasn't a matter of trust. Trust had nothing to do with it. But he would never know that. She could never let him find out.

But part of her was aware that she could only hide this for so long. Denial had worked so far, but in her heart she knew it wouldn't last forever. Realised that she could no longer fool herself that it was perfectly normal; that no matter how comfortable the sand her head was buried in, she would eventually have to come up for air.

* * *

Dean Rider stood in the doorway and silently cursed.

That idiot Neville was here again. Did the boy never leave her side?

He often wondered if Neville had a crush on Meg. But he doubted it. The way they interacted together after school hours spoke more of a brother/sister relationship than anything else.

He was aware of Neville's parents, he'd snooped a bit when he'd first realised how friendly Neville and Meg were getting. He realised that their relationship was probably built on mutual understanding.

He was also aware of the way Meg's mother had died. He was aware of everything that happened to her. He remembered seeing the obituaries at the time. Even saying how her mother had died. He'd filed it away in his mind, it would come in useful later, and it had.

He'd lied to her the time he'd told her he hadn't known she was here. He'd known. He'd known everything she'd done for the past nine years. He had followed her for nine years. Nine years of hatred seeping into his heart until it had stopped beating and turned to stone. Nine years for grief to turn to bitterness and a need for revenge.

He'd watched the effect Sarah's death had on his parents. It was as if they had forgotten their son. As if he had never existed. He had always lived in Sarah's golden shadow; always been second favourite. But it had never mattered, because he had worshipped her too; had placed her on a pedestal so high that when she died, it brought his whole world crumbling down.

But to have his parents turn from him had been too much. They'd turned inwards, centred on their own grief. A marriage couldn't stand that kind of neglect and they'd separated a couple of years later.

So in one fell swoop he'd gone from having a loving family to having none. And that had been when he'd known that Megan Kincaid had to understand the effect she had caused. Had to feel some of the pain they'd been subjected too.

And what better way than to send her the same way her mother had gone, albeit for different reasons. Slowly make her loose her grip on sanity, make things become so difficult that she would be faced with two choices, end up as insane as her mother had been with no end to it. Or end her life.

It was fitting really; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

He'd been at Hogwarts at the time of Sarah's death, still under the watchful eyes of the teachers who had known of his loss. But he'd retreated and built himself an exterior that had served him well. No one could see past the handsome features and the friendly smile. He'd left Hogwarts, smiling dutifully, waving his exams results with the rest of them. A star pupil; destined for great things.

He'd studied all he could on the Dark Arts, getting so close and absorbing so much he lost what little soul he'd had left. All the time under the cover of Divination the reason he'd been able to apply for Trelawney's position.

He hadn't bargained for Snape to enter the picture. He had known he was here, had known that he was a former Death Eater. But he hadn't planned on Meg falling for Snape. And he certainly hadn't planned on the notoriously hard-hearted bastard to return those feelings. He still wasn't sure that he did love her. He certainly treated her wickedly for someone in love, but then that suited Dean just fine. Pain, after all, was pain no matter from what source.

He stepped back slightly and watched her now. They were discussing something from a magazine. Close together, friends.

He knew she had a brother somewhere; Jack. He moved around so much it was impossible for Dean to keep tracks on him. But he knew it had been quite a while since she'd either seen or heard from him.

He shrugged and stepped back again. He could wait. He'd waited nine years. She'd be alone soon enough and then he could really play.

* * *

Meg needed peace in her head. More than anything she needed the constant tangle of thoughts to stop.

She took the pensieve from his cupboard and went back to her study. She settled herself down on the floor and using her wand began to remove her thoughts and memories of the past six months.

* * *

Severus Snape knew who it was. It hadn't taken a great deal of thought to come to the right answer. He even knew why. He would have to tell Megan. He just couldn't decide whether to tell her after he'd chewed Pansy Parkinson to pieces or before.

As head of Pansy's house he had every right to deal with the girl as he saw fit, and of course the headmaster would have to be informed.

He had seen Pansy's jealousy over Draco, but it had been a while before he had connected it with Megan. It was common knowledge that Megan had supported the pair of them in the whole thing. And he also knew that Pansy had lost the trip to Diagon Alley and spent an entire week of detention with Mr. Filch. It was more than enough to make the girl angry and resentful.

He decided to inform Megan, see if she felt Pansy had tried anything else he was unaware of.

* * *

Meg didn't understand how a pensieve worked. Give her any potion and she could pick it apart ingredient by ingredient. But this bowl sat in front of her? Not a clue.

Were there suppose to be black threads in there?

The last time she had done it, Snape had been there, helping her. And there had only been silver white threads, but now, mingled but not connected, were strands of black thread that were different lengths and thickness.

She ran a hand through her hair and muttered. She was hopeless at this sort of thing. She considered asking Snape, but rejected that thought instantly. She knew that if he had whiff of something not quite right with her then he'd be like the proverbial dog at a bone.

She briefly considered asking Remus. He might be able to tell her if this was normal, but if it was signs of brain deficiency, she had no doubt he'd run straight to Snape and Dumbledore. No she couldn't take that risk, which left only one thing; the library.

She stood up and just had time to put the bowl in her cupboard and lock it when someone knocked briefly on the door before opening it.

"Severus." She jumped slightly and then remembered she'd walked away from him again.

"Okay!" She raised her hands and sighed. "I'm sorry. Stormed off again."

"That's not why I'm here," he informed her and crossed his arms to hold his elbows inside the sleeves of his black robes.

"Oh." She stared at him in surprise "What is it?"

"Those spiders," he stated and watched her shudder. "Are you aware they were put there deliberately?"

"Deliberately?" she crossed to her armchair and sank into it, still staring at him.

He crossed to sit in the other chair. He drew his hands from his sleeves and rested them on the arms of the chair. He crossed his knees, his eyes never leaving her face, never blinking.

"Yes, deliberately."

"Who?"

"Pansy Parkinson."

"Oh!" She sank back slightly to stare in to the fire, all thoughts of her pensieve gone as she digested that information.

"I suppose it would be incredibly slow of me to ask why," she stated. "How do you know?"

"It didn't take me long to come to the conclusion, that and the fact she left spell marks all over your room, the residue of the magic, as you know, is unique to each wand. I know the residues of every student's wand in my house, and a few of the others too." He couldn't keep the smug satisfaction out of his voice at that statement, not that he bothered trying to.

"You truly are formidable," she mused vaguely, half her mind on his last statement, half on Pansy. "I am so glad you weren't teaching here when I was here."

"I want to know if you wish to be in on the discussion we have with Miss Parkinson.

"We?" She looked up at him them.

"I shall be informing the headmaster. It is hardly a prank. It's has to be dealt with."

"It's the work of a woman scorned," she muttered, again staring into the fire. "Look at it from her point of view; she lost Draco and from what I've heard she's practically worshipped the ground he walked on for years. Not easy to see someone you love slip out of your grasp like that."

"No." He looked pointedly at her, but her attention was still on the fire. "However. The fact remains that she played a spiteful trick on you after breaking into your rooms. Are you aware of anything else strange happening?"

"Hum…." She looked up suddenly as if she'd just woken up. "No, not really." She highly doubted Pansy was behind her other troubles. Nice though it would be to think it wasn't her after all.

"You see to it as you want." She smiled at him.

"You don't want to be included?" he was surprised, imagining that she'd at least want to say something to the girl.

"I'm quite sure between the pair of you there's nothing that I can add to the poor girls misery. She must be pretty hurt to do something as brainless as that. She must have known she'd get caught."

"What would you have done if I hadn't come in?" he asked quietly.

"Probably still be there!" She grinned. "Waiting for them to starve to death; stupify would also be extremely overused."

Snape's eyes narrowed, something clicked in his mind… what was it?

"Are you still annoyed at me?" Her words broke into his thoughts and he looked at her, his brows drawn together in a deep frown.

"What for?"

"Walking off."

He shrugged and stood up to slip his robes of. He sat back down and undid the buttons on his sleeves.

"It's your defence mechanism; I get to close to the bone and you run."

"So when will you see Pansy?" She asked changing the subject.

"See, walking off, changing the subject. Same thing," he mused, regarding her with dark expressionless eyes.

She avoided his eyes and didn't reply.

He noted her refusal to go any further on his comments and let it ride. For now.

"I suppose Remus will be there; our resident shrink," she smirked tiredly and curled her feet under her.

"Shrink?" He frowned.

"A muggle term for a counsellor or psychiatrist," she informed her and yawned.

"Oh…" he thought about that and it brought a smirk to his lips.

"So when will you see Pansy?"

"Tonight; I'll have her sent to the headmasters office."

"Leave it till tomorrow please; things always seem worse at night," she asked him quietly and smiled when he nodded curtly at her.

"I'm starving, how long till tea?" she asked him, her eyes closed.

"What about now?" came a low whisper. She felt his breath stir her hair; he'd stood up and moved silently to lean over her.

"Excellent idea, Severus."

"I know," he replied arrogantly and brushed her lips with his; his hands reaching for her.

* * *

Meg's week had started badly.

First Snape had informed her of Pansy. And then against her better judgement she'd sat in on the meeting in the headmaster office.

Pansy, a true Slytherin at heart, had at first denied all knowledge. But Snape had his ways and Albus had done nothing to stop her head of house all but scaring the silly girl to death. Even Remus had sat back and watched. Only Meg had been itching in her seat to tell him to leave her alone and not be so damned cruel. Indeed Meg had a feeling that she was seeing how he's been before he'd rejoined the side of good. She had shivered and recognised that he scared her. No he didn't scare her; he frightened the life out of her.

There was no warmth in him anywhere, no hint of anything other than hard rigid anger. And he'd won; got his way. She'd broken and told them how she'd done it. But she hadn't broken in spirit, if anything the girl scared Meg just as much as Snape had. Her mouth became foul as she cursed Megan; for supporting Ginny, and for her detention. She bad mouthed Megan, screaming at her that Snape only slept with her cause he could and that she probably slept with half the professors anyway; she'd asked Megan how much she'd charged. And that was when Dumbledore had stood in and stopped her.

He'd made it very clear to her that while he hated to expel anyone; if she tried anything again he'd personally escort her out of the door.

They had decided before hand to give her two weeks detention and remove a hundred house points. That alone would have been enough to deter her. The thought of facing her fellow students knowing she'd lost them a hundred points. She'd become quiet but surly. Remus had taken her out then, leaving Megan and Snape with Dumbledore.

Megan had been concerned for Remus and had said so. But Snape merely snorted and remarked that the "Wolf can take care of himself"

Dumbledore had looked grave though. And nothing could have prepared Megan for what came next.

He had told them in no uncertain terms that while he would not interfere with their lives, it was unwise and certainly even foolish to leave themselves open to that kind of abuse. He'd told them that utmost discretion should have been used and wasn't.

It was Snape that had surprised her the most though. She had thought he would get angry, annoyed with him and tell him so. But he didn't; he actually looked ashamed and, he even apologised for his tardiness, although he did make it clear that he intended on continuing his relationship with her.

Dumbledore had looked at her then and asked her if there was anything she wanted to add to Snape's comment and she had known then. She had seen it in his eyes. He knew there was something she was keeping hidden. Her decision was made that night, although she had remained quite and only apologised, avoiding Snape's eyes. But she knew what she had to do then. And she would do it.

She would leave Hogwarts as soon as she could.

Because she was and always would be a coward. She wasn't brave enough to take her own life and she wasn't brave enough to face the truth.

She would just move on. Go home and wait.

She knew Snape would snort at her line of reasoning and inform her how melodramatic she was being. And maybe she was. Maybe she was acting like a tragic lovelorn fool from a fifties B movie. But she couldn't think of anyway else to go.

She had made some other decisions too; she had decided to write to her brother Jack. It had to be at least three years since she'd heard from him, apart from the occasional owl from some far flung place informing her he still breathed. But she had things to say to him that she wanted to say while she was still able to do so. He wouldn't understand. He never did. He would just write it off as her being "Weird" as he called her. But at least she'd be free.

* * *

It had happened again; but this time it was different. This time she had suddenly found herself by the shores of the lake closest to the forbidden forest. She was standing right at the edge, her feet in the water that lapped the stony beach she was on. Her robes and her outer clothes had been taken off and folded neatly on the beach; leaving her in nothing but her underwear. It was as if she was waking from a sleep; but this time she could remember the images of the sleep; she'd seen Sarah, in the waters. It had shaken her so badly that she had collapsed on the beach, her breathing hard and erratic as she had fought to gain control over herself.

She had tried hard to get past it, but this time she couldn't. She had wanted to give Dumbledore time to find a replacement but she couldn't stay any longer. Even Severus had backed off her considerably since Dumbledore had talked to them in his office. It had hurt, but at the same time it made leaving easier. Or so she thought.

She had decided to stay until the first day of the half term holidays still a week away. It was only a week's holiday and fell shortly after Valentine's this year and none of the students went home, but it would give Dumbledore time to sort things out. She felt guilty, but she ignored that to.

The final straw had to be the return of her bracelet though.

Meg had been marking scrolls, while three students were in detention with her, one of them was cleaning her store cupboards, the other two were cutting mandrake roots.

Penny, a second year Hufflepuff, had come out of her store cupboards with a jar in her hand and a puzzled expression on her face.

She had brought the jar to Meg with a puzzled look on her face. Her bracelet was floating in the colourless potion.

Meg couldn't stop the look of shock on her face. She had told all three to leave and then slowly she had undone the potion and withdrew the bracelet.

She had no recollection of putting it in there. Why would she do that? It had frightened her rigid. If the gold had reacted with the solution anything could have happened.

She wondered briefly if Pansy had found her bracelet and put it in there out of spite. It was possible. And the more she thought of it, the more she clung to it.

Classes with the Slytherins after that was hard; although she knew Pansy was getting a lot of stick for loosing them points, they ultimately blamed Megan for the loss. They did nothing outspokenly, but she was aware of the sniggers and comments behind her back. She heard the whispered comments about mudblood whores, but she let it ride and instead made each lesson for the Slytherins harder than the other houses. She had lost her initial self- righteous way of teaching and adopted some of Snape's meaner and biased attitudes. Slytherins only had to whisper and points were removed, while she would blatantly ignore any other students talking. It made for very tense lessons and something had to give. But she didn't care anymore; she was going soon. They could sort it out behind her. She knew that this was selfish but she truly didn't care anymore.

* * *

"What will you be wearing?" Hillary asked, pouring over a copy of 'Robes for Special Occasions'.

"Pardon?" Meg looked up from the book she was reading.

"To the Valentine ball next week," Hillary replied not looking up.

Meg's eyes went to where Severus was sitting opposite her with a mug of tea in his hands. She caught his eye, but he looked away.

Sighing inwardly she shrugged.

"Dunno," she replied and went back to her book. She was in no doubt that even if she went Severus would be nowhere in sight. She had no misconceptions about bunches of flowers or heart covered cards coming her way. She almost laughed at the thought. Almost.

"What do you mean you don't know!" Hillary exploded in shock, finally raising her head from the magazine. "You are not doing what you did at Halloween."

Meg looked up frowning.

"What did I do?"

"It's what you didn't do, you dressed exactly as if it was a normal day. Come on Meg, it's a one off thing. You have to dress up; come with me on Saturday. We'll pick you up a lovely dress robe from Hogsmede."

Meg's mouth opened and closed like a fish, the last thing she wanted was to get all dolled up for no reason.

"Even Sally pulls out the stops for this one," Hillary laughed and glanced over at where the witch in question was prodding the soil of a potted plant growing on the window sill.

"I try," came Sally's serene voice.

"Severus, tell her," Hillary demanded.

Snape jumped slightly at his name, tea spilling onto his leg. He grumbled in pain and glared at Hillary.

"Megan could come wearing a bin bag for all it would bother me," he snorted.

"You utter bastard!" Meg snapped at him and threw her book at him. It caught the cup in his hand and covered him in hot tea. She didn't wait though, she went storming out of the staff room.

"Bloody women!" he snapped and using his wand dried his lap. Cursing the pain the hot tea had given him

"You deserved that," Hillary snapped. "Horrid thing to say to her, Severus, even for you."

"She missed my point."

"Really?" Hillary eyed him coldly. "So you weren't telling her you don't care."

"I was trying to tell her, not that it's any business of yours, that she would be beautiful whatever she wears."

"For goodness sake man," Sally turned from the window and decided to wade right in; one of her Hufflepuffs needed defending.

"You might have well been speaking in Gaelic," she snorted. "Poor woman."

Snape rose to his feet in one fluid graceful movement, his face a mask of annoyance.

"I would thank you both for minding your own business," he snapped and left the staff room.

* * *

Meg swept through the main entrance intent of reaching fresh air. She reached the door and hearing her name being called turned.

"Megan Kincaid!" A tall well built man stood at the top of the stairs that led down to the dungeons; his black hair was longer than Snape's and a darn sight cleaner.

"Jack?" she took a step towards him, not really sure if she was seeing things.

"Good grief woman! Has it been so long that you don't recognise your own brother?" He laughed

"Frankly it's been so long I was beginning to wonder if I had a brother," she replied before flying across the hall and launching herself into his arms.

He caught her round the waist and hugged her close.

"You silly maggot, you," he whispered into her hair before setting her back down on her feet.

"So, then girl." He stood back to get a proper look at her.

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

"Australian outbacks; but your owl found me." He grinned at her and ran a hand down her face.

"I've neglected you, haven't I?"

"I could just have easily owled you too," she replied. She studied his face; he had always been handsome, but the sun in Australia gave him a golden glow that suited him.

"Anyway, who's the lucky man."

"Pardon?"

"Well, I figured considering you wrote three feet of parchment asking me to forgive you for things you did when you were four that you'd met someone and you wanted me to give you away. That or you never planned on seeing me ever again." He laughed down at her.

"So who is he?" he asked.

"Interesting question," came a dry, cold voice.

Snape swept passed them and down the stairs, his head high.

"Oh, bloody great!" Megan snapped, staring after him.

"Oh!" Jack looked down at Megan. "Did I just put my foot in it?"

"All the way," she muttered. "All the way!"

A/N: Apologies for the inevitable spelling and grammar mistakes!

And thanks to everyone who's reading this and leaving me little notes of encouragement.

Thanks to BDWRM; it suddenly dawned on me that she was right. Up till now we didn't know a lot of what makes Dean tick (or not tick as the case may be!) In my ignorance because I knew what he was up to I automatically forgot that while you are all wonderful people, you haven't mastered mind reading! ;-) so I figured it was time to show his hand a little and now hopefully, you won't be wondering why he's taking it so far. Poor lad is, as they say, off his rocker!

Hope that clears things up a bit…

Hopefully the last chapter will have cleared up the wand bit too.

Coesius: Thanks for your lovely review. About the oblivate scenes! I can see exactly where you're coming from. But I have to admit that it's been difficult, because the last four chapters have been over a period of two months only… so unfortunately I had to have him wiping her mind fairly frequently otherwise it just wouldn't have worked so quickly. She needed to feel that she was loosing her mind, not just have forgetful spells…like we all do. (well I do anyway!)

The last time you see Dean oblivating her had to serve two purposes. Kicking her closer to the edge, and explaining why her wand was no good when he was around. In case any of you wonder:- in the inn, when Meg had gone back to her table and tried to change Snape's nose, Dean was still in the inn, so her wand wouldn't have worked even though he wasn't directly in front of her. Hope that sounds right!

Anyway, that should be the last time you see him fixing her memory. I'm sorry if it was bugging you Coesius and I thank you for being so patient with me… Hope this chapter hasn't bored you too much!

WYLTK: Thanks for the encouraging review! Megan will be telling Snape about his nose… don't get your hopes up though, it's nothing exciting or dirty! ;-)

As for Pansy… she was aware they were sleeping together and that Meg backed Draco/Ginny and she made her miss the trip to Diagon Alley… she was not a happy bunny. But it was just a little thing that was thrown in to try and keep Snape off the track, although he certainly sees something isn't right. He's not far off from working out what's going on. But whether it's him who realises first you'll just have to wait and see! Pansy still isn't a truly happy person and I think that Meg has probably made a dangerous enemy there… have to see where that goes.

Thanks everyone for giving me the encouragement to keep going. We don't have far to go now! The end is in sight!

Whew! I hear you all cry!

Have a great day wherever you live!


	19. Thoughts

Usual disclaimer: Own nothing. Updated March 2008…. For re-readers: The old bracelet/bruise issue has been completely revamped.

* * *

Megan looked up at Jack and shrugged.

"Is that who you're going to marry?" he asked incredulously.

"Talk about jumping to conclusions; I don't remember stating anywhere in that letter that I was getting married," her voice was resigned.

"Then why the autobiography?" he stared down at her with hazel eyes full of concern.

"I thought that it was time to, y'know, sweep out the cobwebs." She shrugged and pulled away from him, not meeting his eyes.

"Sweep out the cobwebs? What are on you on? Have you been sampling your own potions, sis?"

"Idiot!" She slapped his arm. "Come on, no doubt Minerva would kill me if I let you get away without you saying hello to her."

"Professor McGonagall, is she still here?" Jack's eyes lit up. While Megan had been sorted into Hufflepuff, Jack had been a true Gryffindor. He had also been one of Minerva constant headaches. Not unlike Fred and George Weasley in some ways, though not quite as bad. Jack had spent his years in Hogwarts playing as many practical jokes as he could.

"She is and she's just as strict so don't even think of messing with her." Megan gave him her best teacher voice and her primmest expression.

"Oh my!" He bent quickly and pecked her cheek, squeezing her round the waist. "You really are a Professor aren't you maggot."

"Trying!" She bit her lip, not adding that she'd be turning her back on it soon.

"And is Professor Dumbledore still here? And who was the old goat that showed me in, there was a scraggy cat with him?"

"Yes he is and Mr Filch and Mrs Norris!" she smiled, despite his irreverent words.

"Which was which?" he joked and let her lead him towards the staff room.

"You never change do you?" she scolded him gently.

"I have fond memories of this place Meggie," he said gently. "Best days of my life spent inside these walls."

"Things not so good now?" she asked quickly, recognising the nostalgic tone to his voice.

"Oh yeah, things are just great; so come on then, tell me why you felt the need for a bit of cobweb sweeping."

She looked up at him and shrugged again. His timing couldn't have been worse if he'd tried. But one thing was certain, she was very glad to see him. She had missed him without realising it.

"I missed you," she said simply.

"I missed you too," he replied and leaning down again caught her close to him. "So who's the man that I just put my foot in it with?"

"Severus Snape, he's the Defence Against Dark Arts Professor, used to be the Potions Master…"

"I've heard of him," he said quietly when his name registered.

"Yes." She pulled back again.

"And you two are?"

"Are what? Not getting married if that's what you mean," She snorted. "So you can put your gladrags away again."

"You're not pregnant are you?" he suddenly demanded.

"No!" She rolled her eyes. "What is it with everyone asking if I'm pregnant?" She shook her head and glared at him.

"Okay!" He held up his hands placatingly.

"Look; I need you to understand something but I can't do it here. Where are you staying?"

"The Three Broomsticks!" He frowned down at her.

"Okay. Let me come down to meet you tomorrow night. I can't come down tonight because we've a staff meeting." She shrugged, pleading with him to understand and not ask questions.

He nodded, still unhappy to leave it at that. But he knew Meg well enough to know that she wouldn't tell him anything before she was ready to.

"Come on then, I'm dying to see which of the old codgers is still here!"

"Jack!" She swatted his arm again and opened the door. She stuck her head in and then pulled him in behind her.

* * *

Meg didn't see Severus again until the staff meeting that night.

Jack had gone back to Hogsmede after spending the afternoon with her.

She was sitting in her usual chair, her feet curled under her, her head buried in a book, while she waited for the others to arrive.

Severus came in with Dumbledore. He didn't say anything to Meg; he just sat down opposite her and eyed her thoughtfully. Meg gave him a quick very impersonal smile before closing her book and looking over at Dumbledore who began the meeting.

It was very dry, the usual things being discussed, and half an hour later Meg was thoroughly bored. Professor Vector was mentioning something about a change with some of their equipment. She stopped listening and sat thinking over Jack's return.

She was going to tell him. She was going to tell him everything that had happened. She had to. She hadn't expected him to come here, but he had. She knew he would want to know. He had a right to know what was happening to his only sister. She wondered how he would take it. What he would do. Would he insist on staying with her? He hadn't stayed with them for their mother though. Six months before she had died a job had come up in India that he had gone for. Her father had given him his blessing, saying that he had to take the opportunity while it was there, he couldn't expect Jack to let his life slip away waiting for the inevitable. He'd urged Meg to leave as well, but Meg had been unable to leave her father by himself. She was in commuting distance of the primary she worked in; so she had stayed home and split herself between the two. It hadn't been easy and many times she had been filled with resentment towards Jack. When Jack had returned for the funeral of their mother he had seen the effects it had had on both Meg and their dad and he had stayed, managing to get a temporary job in a muggle Photography shop. He had stayed long enough to bury their father also, make sure Meg was settled financially, and then he had returned to his photography in India. At first she'd heard from him every month, but as the months turned into years, the owls had become fewer and less frequent. The last time she'd heard from him he'd been on his way to Malawi. He'd sent a two line scroll to her "Still breathing, going to Malawi; photgraphing Yuraderns. Need me, Owl me."

And that had been it till now.

She felt someone tapping her head sharply.

"Wake up." She looked up and saw Dean leaning over the back of her chair. She looked around her; they were all looking at her expectantly.

"Pardon?" she felt an idiot. She hadn't been asleep, but she hadn't been paying attention either.

"I was just informing everyone how you will be having an assistant next term," Dumbledore smiled kindly at her.

"A what?" she asked stupidly.

"An assistant. To help with your work load," he said, his eyes watching her carefully.

Meg blushed as red as the jumper under her robes. She looked around at the others. They weren't looking at her anymore; they were trying to look as if they were absorbed in something else. Even Remus had found the frayed edge of his sleeve of enormous interest. She figured he'd had a hand in this latest development, seeing as he'd had to take one of her classes. Another sign that Megan Kincaid was nearing the bottom of the scrap pile.

Her lips twisted bitterly, they had no idea.

She looked at Severus, he was the only one, apart from Dumbledore that was looking at her. His face was impassive, but his eyes were showing his concern.

She glared at him and opened her mouth to tell them what they could do with their assistant when she realised it solved all her problems; an assistant could just slip into her shoes after the holiday.

"Okay, thank you," she replied, avoiding Snape's eyes.

He raised his eyebrows and looked across at Dumbledore but remained quiet.

Dumbledore smiled at her approvingly and wrapped up the meeting.

Meg made her escape quickly, unwilling to talk with either Severus or Dumbledore.

She checked the time. If she was quick she could go to see her brother tonight. It hadn't taken as long as she expected. So not stopping for the chat that usually followed a staff meeting, she left the castle and when she was outside the grounds, apparated to the Three Broomsticks. It made her feel very queasy, but ignoring the sickness she went in search of Jack.

* * *

She sipped the scotch and looked at him.

"You're joking, right?" he asked, his face whiter than the tablecloth.

"No." She shook her head and winced as the fire slipped down her throat and into her stomach, not doing anything to melt the ice that had grown in her as she'd talked. She had told Jack everything that had happened; even her relationship with Snape.

"But…" He looked down at the table but his eyes weren't seeing it.

"I'm sorry, so sorry!" She sagged and rested her head in her hands.

"But, Megan, are you sure?" he persisted looking up at her his eyes bright with disbelief.

"What else can it be?" she demanded

"I don't know, but…" He frantically racked his brains for something that would help.

"But I don't ever recall mum hurting herself," he said finally.

"Maybe it's affecting me slightly differently."

"Have you told Snape about this?" He winced at the name. He'd heard of the former Death Eater and was not in the slightest bit convinced that he should be anywhere except Azkaban.

"No." She shook her head

"Why not? I thought you said you loved him."

"I do." She nodded and then sighed, how would she explain this to her brother without him going straight up there and confronting Snape.

"It's just, while I love him, I'm not certain it's returned and besides, I don't want him to see me like that."

"Oh!" Jack could cheerfully go up there and strangle the man for being stupid enough to not love his sister. "So what are you going to do?"

"Go home. That's why I wrote to you; I was going to go home."

"Well, I'm not convinced there's anything wrong with you."

"What? Have you been listening to me?" She looked up at him. But his face was set.

"I don't remember mum doing any of these things."

"You weren't there!" she said stiffly.

"I was at the start," he denied and shifted uneasily. "I saw the start of it and I'm telling you that when she started to get like you say you are now she'd lost four stone and looked like hell! Besides! It's not hereditary. What are the odds of you getting it as well?"

"But the fact remains that it is happening and I can't deny it any longer!" she said sharply. She felt so old, old and abused.

"What if something happens and I endanger a student?" she whispered.

"I think you should get yourself seen. Go to St. Mungo's; see that doctor that used to see mum."

"I don't need to go." She shook her head, fear slicing down her.

"Scared Megan?" he prodded her with his spoon.

"Yes!" she snapped back at him. "Too damn right I am! I'm terrified of what's happening. I'm terrified that when I go there they won't let me out again! I'm so bloody angry with it all. And I'm angry that you're here too."

"Me?" He slapped the spoon down and glared at her. "You're angry because I'm not saying what you want to hear."

"What?"

"You didn't bank on me even coming here did you? You thought you could just up and disappear from everyone's life _"I vant to be alone!_" he mimicked her, anger burning in his eyes. "How could you be so damn selfish?"

"Selfish?" she cried at him, oblivious to the stares from the others in the seating area. "How can I be selfish? I'm trying to stop everyone from going through what I went through with mum. Not that you would have any idea of that! You ran off and left me to cope didn't you!"

He sat back as if he'd been slapped.

"You can just go to hell, Jack. You're right, I didn't think you'd come back here. I didn't think you cared that much to be honest."

"Shut up!" He slammed both palms down on to the table. "You have no idea how hard it was for me," he hissed at her. "I just couldn't stay."

"But I had too," she said quietly, her anger fading quickly. "And I don't want you to have to face that with me."

"Megan! You're giving up too easily. You're just letting go!"

"What else can I do?" she begged him. "I suddenly find myself in strange rooms not knowing how I got there, I break my bones falling and I don't remember doing it. I misplace things to find them hours later, nowhere near where I thought I'd left them. The other day I found myself practicaly naked at the edge of the lake." Her voice broke in desperation.

"I can't accept it," he denied hotly. "You're showing no signs of it now. Mum used to sit and recite nursery rhythms for no reason. That was the first clue with her, not breaking her bloody leg falling down some stairs." He stopped and sighed heavily. "I do love you and I'm not letting you face this alone. I just don't think running from Hogwarts is the answer. And I don't think you're going in the same direction mum went."

"What is then?" she demanded hotly.

"I don't know; let me think about it."

She nodded and slumped back in her seat.

"Meg…"

"Yeah?" She picked at the tablecloth.

"What was the first thing that happened to you?"

"I blacked out and fell down some stairs," she replied not rising her eyes.

"And you don't remember any of it?"

"No, there's another thing," she admitted.

"What?"

"I've been using a penseive." She looked up at him. "There's black threads in it. I don't know, but I don't think that's normal."

"I've never used one. Although I knew this girl once who used one. She showed it to me. Her threads were a pink coloured. Are all the threads black?"

"No." She shook her head. "Most of them are silver coloured."

"What did Snape say about it?"

"I haven't told him."

"And you say you love him? Do you actually talk at all? Seems to me you two have one weird relationship," he snorted.

"Of course we talk; I can't ask him though." She tapped her fingers on the table. She was feeling trapped now, caught up in feelings she couldn't deal with.

"Why not?"

"If he even so much as gets a hint of this he won't stop till he's found out everything."

"You were going to just up and leave him without telling him weren't you?" Jack looked at her in disbelief. "What on earth are you thinking off? How can you possible say you love the bloke when you'd do that to him?"

"It's not that easy, Jack! I couldn't stand to see the way he'd look at me if he knew. He wouldn't stay with me and I wouldn't ask him to."

"But he still has a right to know why you suddenly up and leave in the middle of the night. Besides what's to say he won't come looking for you?"

"Because he doesn't love me, all right? He even told me that," she hissed at him, furious that he was dragging this out of her. "I think he likes me, but it doesn't go much further than that. He's a complicated man, Jack, he has a history.."

"A history that should put him in Azkaban, you mean!"

"No! Things aren't as they seem. He helped during the war."

"Yeah, so I heard," he snorted dryly. "I think Malfoy was another one wasn't he? Helped with huge amounts of money. How on earth did you get yourself tangled up with him?" He sat back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair.

"He has another side to him, a side he only shows to me. I love him, Jack."

"But not enough to trust him with this."

She shook her head irritated with him.

"It has nothing to do with trust!" She spat back at him, and drained the scotch spluttering as it burned its way down.

"I shouldn't really be encouraging you to speak to him anyway. I should be telling you to get out of it while you're still in one piece. Megan ,he was a Death Eater for crying out loud; have you any idea what they used to do for fun?"

"Yes, of course I have!"

"I don't think you do," he countered. "Are you frightened of him? Is that why you won't talk to him about this?"

"I'm not, he won't hurt me." She wavered slightly and avoided his eyes. She brought her hands under the table subconsciously.

"He's hurt you already, hasn't he?" he sat forward his eyes pinning hers.

"Don't you dare hide from me, Megan Kincaid," he hissed and his hands shot forward to grip her lower arms.

He yanked her arm forwards and pushed her robes up. The ring of bruises around her wrist was going yellow round the edges.

"When did he do this?" he demanded, angry making his face red and his eyes sparkle.

"I don't know! I really don't know! I don't even remember him gripping my wrist, or hurting me or anything like that. I honestly don't even remember that happening; it was like they suddenly appeared!"

"Don't cover for him, Megan, if he's hurting you then I don't care how much you love him, you stay the hell away from him. That's abuse, Meg, plain and simple."

Megan gazed down and frowned at her wrist, her eyes became troubled as she looked up at him.

"I'm telling the truth, Jack. I'd lost my bracelet and I was so afraid he'd be upset with me. I thought he might think that I didn't really like it enough to look after it. I didn't want to disappoint him. I didn't mean to loose it."

"Meg, it's on your arm!" He looked at her, his face puzzled. She was getting confused he could see that. He could also see that she was telling the truth about the bruise; he was beginning to get a little idea of how she was and it suddenly frightened him.

"I found it again. It was in my store cupboard I must have taken it off…" she faded out. "Remember I told you about Pansy? I think she found it and put it into one of the potion jars. Or at least I hope she did, because if she didn't, I did and then what does that make me?"

"It sounds as brainless as her last trick; maybe she did it at the same time but wouldn't own up." He shook his head. "Do you know what that is there?" He nodded at the bracelet encircling her wrist.

"What do you mean?"

"It's a Gaelic Eternity Bracelet. Those knots have no beginning and no ending; it's supposed to symbolise eternal love. Are you sure he said he doesn't love you?"

"He said it; perhaps he's referring to friendship," she said sadly.

"Are you serious about leaving? 'Cause it sounds to me you're living in a den of snakes. Come back with me. We'll go back to Australia, you'll love it. It's warm, the people are friendly. Maybe it has been just stress, Meg. Stress can do some strange things to people. Maybe you were more cut out for lecturing than teaching?"

"What if it isn't stress, Jack?" all the fear showing in her eyes.

"Then we'll deal with it then."

"I couldn't take it if I went … If I got… Jack, sometimes even at the end, she had moments where she knew exactly what was happening. It made her hysterical with fear. She would beg us to end it for her…"

"Megan, no!" He stood up, knocking over his mug, not noticing the beer that spilled everywhere. "Don't ask me to do that."

"Then I can't go anywhere with you and I can't stay here." She looked up at him. "I don't want to go through that Jack."

"I still refuse to think you've even got it the first place! You go and get some tests done. You go see that Doctor Hollings or whatever his name was. Give me solid proof then I'll face it. Not before!" He stomped away from the table to suddenly stop and come back. He leant down and pressed his face close to hers.

"And just answer this one, Sis, if you weren't planning on me coming here and you were just going to slip away from Snape. When where you gonna tell me? Or where you just going to kill yourself and then let me find out? I realise you're scared. But honestly, Megan, if I didn't love you so much now I could really hate you!"

He turned and walked away, leaving Meg staring after him with dry eyes. He had hurt her with his words. She had thought it was for the best. It was for the best. She bit her lip and looked back down at her hands. She felt completely alone. And it was her own fault.

Her eyes went to the bruises and she shivered. Severus didn't cause them. Then what had?

Meg was getting scared; very scared. She tried to think back to when it could have got there.

Maybe she banged herself; she studied them closely. They didn't look like finger marks anymore, just blobs of black and yellow. They didn't even hurt that much now. Maybe she had imagined they looked like fingerprints. She was so confused; her head was beginning to hurt. Her thoughts were a tangled mess. She was just so incredibly confused by it all.

Jack was determined to ignore her blackouts. The same way they had brushed her mothers off. Although he had a point that by the time she was having severe blackouts she was irrefutably ill and quite unable to look after herself. Meg slumped her head down onto her folded arms, unaware of the waitress coming over to wipe the table.

"Lover's tiff? He won't remember tomorrow. Send him a lovely valentine card and it'll all blow over," she told Meg cheerfully, making her jump up startled.

She gave the girl a strange look and getting up left to go back to the castle. She needed to be on her own in peace and quiet to think.

* * *

Meg shivered in the cold night air. It was close to midnight as she walked up to the main entrance. She went in shutting the main door behind her.

"Up a bit late aren't you, miss?"

Meg jumped at the sound of Filch's voice. She turned and gave him a shaky smile.

"I was with my brother in Hogsmede," she replied.

He didn't say anything just nodded slightly, and shuffled away, a nasty glare on his face; his cat following closely after giving Meg a narrow eyed stare.

Meg wrapped her cloak around her closer and began to walk to her rooms.

She was half way there when she heard a noise behind her. She turned quickly, expecting to see Filch following her, making sure she wasn't leaving muddy footprints on his clean floor. But it wasn't Filch behind her. It was Dean.

"Dean? What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you? Seen brother dear have we?"

"None of your business. Get lost Dean."

"You really are nasty aren't you? You don't even try to hide it. Still!" He shrugged "Have they told you who your assistant is yet?"

"No." She turned to face him completely, her arms folded, her expression hard. "Not that it's any business of yours."

He laughed and leant against the wall, his face in shadow, but she could see he was smiling nastily at her.

"Oh but I think it's so funny. They think that the pressure is just too much for you. Is it? Can't cope with everything, poor dear?" He grinned at her and stepped forward.

"It's late Dean. I'm going to bed."

"Is that an invitation?" he asked sneering at her as he stepped forward again.

"No, it's not," she sneered back. "I'd have to be completely off my head to even consider that."

"Oh, but you are, aren't you. A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic aren't you? Your mother had that problem too, didn't she?"

"What?" she paled slightly, but didn't look away from him.

"Must run in the family… "

"Get lost!" she snorted and backed up slightly.

"Come here, or would you like me to inform Dumbledore of your little accidents and what's really causing them."

"How do you know?" She felt sweat break out on her forehead.

He stepped right up to her and reached out to grip the wrist her bracelet was on.

"I see you found it then." He grinned at her. "Oh, look… bruises; is that Snape's way of showing his love for you?" She snatched her wrist back, anger making her shake.

"Keep away from me!" She snapped. "How did you know I lost it?"

"Tut tut!" he laughed evilly, "You really don't think I got this job purely on looks alone do you?" He gripped her wrist in hard cruel fingers.

"You couldn't foresee your way out of a paper bag, now clear off before I really get annoyed!" She tried to wrench her wrist away but he didn't let go.

"Oh, but how else would you explain it? I know other things about you as well, your memory isn't what it used to be is it?"

"Is there a point to this? Or shall I just scream now?" She tried hard to appear confident; but her skin was crawling.

"There's always a point to things, Megan. What would sweet kind Professor Dumbledore think about letting you teach here if there's the slightest possibility you could be a danger to the students?"

"There is nothing wrong!" she snapped refusing to let him know how much his words were affecting her.

"Isn't there?" He shook his head. "That's really strange because I drew up a chart for you today. Do you know what it said?"

"No, and I have no desire to find out. I think Divination isn't worthy of being taught here," she spat at him.

"Now that's just so narrow minded!" he laughed. "Okay, I won't try to convert a bigot. But just remember this: someone you care a good deal about is going to get hurt. I don't know who, if I had that kind of knowledge I wouldn't be living on a teachers pay!" he laughed.

"And you are one step away from being slapped up and down this corridor so get lost before I scream bloody murder," she hissed at him.

"Temper, temper," he tutted and turning began to walk away from her, he stopped and turned back slightly.

"Oh by the way; it's the anniversary of your mothers death soon, isn't it?" He tilted his head sideways, a mocking grin on his face.

"Such a shame to see you get like that." He pulled a face and shuddered. "You really should think twice about this chart I have for you; showed me so many interesting things. Misplaced anything recently? Be careful mind, we wouldn't Dumbledore having to find a replacement instead of an assistant" He smiled and mocked bowed to her before carrying on.

Meg went to her room, her temper high; her hands shaking from reaction. She hated him so much and she didn't for one moment think he liked her any better. She went into her room, her head ache so bad now it was affecting her eyes.

She didn't doubt for a minute that he'd go running to Dumbledore. He obviously was unable to foresee her leaving here by her own free will. So he must be up to something, she had no doubts that he'd try and blackmail her with it. She just wondered what he would bribe her for.

She took a sleeping potion followed by a headache potion and got into bed. Refusing to think of anything past tomorrow's classes.

She finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Right then. Simple potion today as it's going to be your last lesson before the holidays." Meg looked round at her seventh year Slytherin and Gryffindor class with carefully concealed tiredness. She could think of a million places she'd rather be now and this classroom wasn't on the list anywhere. Although she was grateful this was the last lesson of the term.

"A simple glamour potion. Only lasts for a few hours but its fun in the meantime. Anyone care to tell me the effects, the correct quantities and the order it's brewed in." She looked around and sighed when only a few hands were risen. She was surprised to see Pansy's hand go in the air. She stood behind her desk and nodded at the girl.

Pansy rattled of the lists and the order perfectly before looking rather sly,

"The effects are instant and can give the user any image they so desire."

"Not strictly correct." Meg shook her head. "The potion is instant but wouldn't change you into a film star. It will however, alter certain features slightly. If your hair is blonde; it will turn it pink. If your eyes are brown they'll go green. But you will still look essentially like yourself. Pimples and all."

Hermione's hand shot in the air.

"Miss Granger?" Meg asked her, carefully hiding the weary note.

"What's the point of it miss?"

Meg looked at her as if she'd turned pink herself.

"Fun, Miss Granger. It's called having fun." She turned sharply; not wanting to see the indignant looks on their faces.

"She's been given an assistant. Can't manage by herself. My father says.." came a poisonous whisper.

"Is that so Miss Parkinson!" Meg whirled to face them again; her eyes like icy chips, her mouth set in a firm line.

"Miss?" Pansy tried for innocent; aware she looked as if butter wouldn't melt.

"Do go on Pansy please. I must admit to finding myself completely intrigued with what your father said."

"I didn't say anything."

"Really? Oh I do apologise. Who did say it then? It came from this side of the room." She looked over the Slytherins but they all looked closed faced and mutinous.

"Shame you won't stand up and let us all know what was said by the father in question. Oh well, ten points from each of you then. Now, on your desks you will find the ingredients already set out…" Meg carried on giving directions despite the vocal grumbling of the Slytherins. Pansy was once again the cause of losing her house a lot of points. And although they had a form of loyalty it didn't stretch past making sure she knew she was in trouble later.

Meg sat down at her desk and began to go through the previous class scrolls. She was about halfway through when she heard a screech from Hermione.

"No, Neville! Stop!"

Meg jumped to her feet quickly, her wand ready.

"What's going on…" She stopped beside Neville's cauldron and saw a white faced Hermione gripping tightly to Neville's outstretched hand.

Meg looked at the Crane Fly wings in his hand and did a double take, before reaching out and taking his hand away from the cauldron.

He was clutching Dragonfly wings not Crane Fly wings.

Meg gaped and realised that if it hadn't been for Hermione noticing. Neville would have been badly burnt; possible scared for life. If the wings had gone into the potion the temperature would have rocketed of the scale and exploded.

"Where did you get that from?" Meg asked trying to get her voice and nerves under control.

"Here." Neville pointed to the pile of Dragons wings.

"Who put these here?" she asked sharply and immediately looked at Malfoy.

"Miss, they were already here when I got here," Neville said nervously. "I didn't realise they were different till Hermione yelled and grabbed my wrist."

Meg paled and flicked her wand, making the Dragons fly wings disappear.

She had no idea how they got there. They looked remarkably alike. Had she mixed them up without thinking? She had to keep it together; had to.

"Okay, work with Hermione for now," she said and picked up his cauldron to take it to the sinks.

Neville breathed a sigh of relief at not having to carry on brewing it and gave Hermione a quick grin.

She rolled her eyes at him and moved to let him stand beside her cauldron.

Meg went back to the front calmly. She sat down and made her self look busy marking scrolls. When it reality she didn't even see the words in front of her.

How could she have done something so dangerous? How could she have made a serious mistake like that? They looked alike, granted. But she shouldn't have mixed them up.

She was certain they had been Crane fly wings she put out… certain they were.

Her mind drifted to Dean something about someone she cared for getting hurt.

Meg shook her head, she didn't believe in all that mumbo jumbo. But then… he had known about her lapses. And he'd been able to tell her she'd misplaced things. She was aware that Trelawney had foretold several things correctly in the past and that was why Dumbledore had kept her on. Maybe Divination wasn't the hocus pocus she thought it was. But then that would mean he knew what was happening to her. And she didn't doubt he would talk to Dumbledore if he thought it would hurt her in anyway.

Meg was relieved when the bell for the end of class rang and they filled out.

She waited till the last student had left the room and crossed to Neville's desk.

The Dragon Fly wings had gone, but there was no sign of the proper Crane Fly wings either on his desk or on the desk next to his. She ducked her head under to see if they had been knocked off. But they weren't there.

"Megan." She stood up quickly and whacked her head on the corner of the desk.

She gave a yowl of pain and stood there clutching her head, tears coming to her eyes.

She saw Snape come down the rows of desks towards her. He stopped beside her and pulling her hand away from her head he rubbed it hard with his hand, easing the pain.

"Looking for something?" he queried rubbing her head gently now the initial pain had eased off. He stepped closer and parting her hair looked at the red patch she'd banged.

"Just a little bruise; nothing major," he muttered and letting go of her he stepped back.

"Thanks…" She put her hand on her head and walked back to her desk.

"Longbottom almost blew himself up today, or so I hear."

"Your spies told you that?" she snapped and began to clean her desk ready for the holiday.

Snape stood perfectly still, watching her closely, trying to keep his temper in check.

She looked up at him and sighed before sitting down in her chair.

"I could have sworn I put Crane Fly wings there." She closed her eyes; so tired, too tired to fight him anymore. She folded her arms on the desk and rested her head there.

She didn't know he'd moved till she felt his hand lay on the top of her head.

"It's not failure to ask for help," his voice was so deep and soft that it brought tears to her eyes. She almost told him everything then. Almost told him exactly what was happening to her.

"It feels like it," she whispered, not raising her head from her arms.

"It's nothing unusual to have an assistant in your first year of teaching. I was unsure as to why you didn't have one in the first place."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Do you honestly think I would do that?" he asked and lifted his hand.

She raised her head and looked up at him, a half smile on her tired face.

"No, I don't suppose you would."

"I've treated you badly, haven't I?" he said it quietly, almost as if he were talking to himself.

"What?" she blinked, thinking she'd misheard him.

He looked down at her with dark, unreadable eyes. His face softer than normal; but still unreadable.

"Professor Kincaid." A voice from the door way made then both turn.

Neville stood there, his eyes kept flicking towards Snape nervously.

"Neville?"

"I came to apologise. For the wings…." he trailed off, his eyes darting towards Snape who was sneering at him.

"It wasn't your fault, Neville," she sighed and smiled at him. "I should be apologising to you."

"But I knew…" he shook his head and turned away.

Meg frowned and stood up; she looked briefly at Snape, an unspoken message in her eyes.

"Come in, Longbottom, you make the place untidy lounging in the doorway like that," he sneered at Neville, before turning to face Meg. "When you're finished here I'd like a word in my office."

She nodded at him and he swept out, sneering again at Neville as he passed him.

"So then, Neville, what were you going to say." Meg watched him come in and sit on the edge of the desk.

"I knew something bad was going happen to day. I should have been looking more closely."

"How did you know?" she asked him, and rested her chin in her hands.

"In Divination last week; we drew up our charts. It was fun actually, we were looking for clues into valentines day," he blushed and looked away quickly.

"And?" Meg was pretty sure what was already coming.

"My chart showed me that sometime today, something would appear to be something it wasn't, and I'd get badly hurt." He looked at her and shrugged. "Guess I wasn't that careful."

"Divination is… ah… um… not an exact magic, Neville. Don't rely too heavily on what you see in your charts." She smiled at him, her heart sinking into her stomach.

Neville stood up and smiled at her.

"I'm still sorry though."

"Don't be, you want to bake some brandy snaps tonight?"

"Erm…" He flushed again and Meg couldn't help the grin that spread over her face.

"What?"

"Samantha Goulds is helping me with me Transfiguration revision."

Samantha was a lovely sixth year Ravenclaw that was clever and sweet. She would be good for Neville.

"Okay then, well I'll see you later then." She watched as he left the classroom. She got up herself and made her way down to Snape's study.

She knocked and let herself in.

"Severus?"

"Hum?" He was looking over some parchments on his desk, but he looked up when she came in.

"Do you believe in fate?" She crossed to his armchair, took her boots off and sat down curling up in it.

He got up and crossed to sit in the chair facing her.

"Why?"

"What do you think of Divination?"

Snape frowned at her lacing his fingers together to rest on his crossed feet.

"I don't have much faith in that sort of magic." He watched her carefully, but she was staring into his fire now.

"Neville told me that last week when he'd made out a chart; it had showed him that some time today he would possibly be hurt by something that looked like something else."

"Ambiguous," he snorted.

"He thinks it was warning him of the Dragon Fly wings and the Crane Fly wings." She looked at him to see his reaction, but his face was closed.

"You could also say that he was being warned about something in transfiguration."

"But it's a bit close isn't it?"

"Don't you believe in Divination then?"

"I didn't; well, I mean it has its moments, but…" She frowned when she thought of last night. Dean had warned her someone would get hurt today. But he had said they would, not could. And Neville wasn't hurt.

"Predictions at best should be viewed with caution. Professor Trelawney has every year for the past seven years predicted my untimely death. I am, however, still here," he smirked at her.

"Yeah you're right."

"I take it Longbottom's predictions have unsettle you."

"Do you read the tea-leaves?"

"Heavens, no!" he snorted. "I don't care to base my every move on the whims of tea particles floating in the bottom on my cup."

"Coffee has its plus points!" She smiled at him.

"It does indeed." He uncrossed his legs and held out his hand to her. "I heard you'd found your bracelet again."

"Yeah, what did you hear?" She got up and taking his hand settled herself on his lap.

"That you had left it in your store cupboard."

"Yeah, stupid, huh?"

"Very," he agreed and settled her head under his chin.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"About Jack? He got the wrong end of the stick as usual. He meant no harm in that comment." She flushed slightly, keeping her head away from him.

"I'm aware," he stated softly, a slight frown between his eyes.

"Um… Are you aware of what the bracelet is?" she had to ask him, had to know. It would make things a lot harder if he did know. But at least she would have the knowledge that some small part of him did really care for her a lot.

"It's gold," he said slowly, his hands making patterns on her back.

"And?"

"It's a Celtic Eternity bracelet. Who told you?"

"Jack."

"Ah!" He half smirked. "I don't want to let you go, Megan, ever."

"What?" Her heart froze. Did he know after all?

"I need you," he said it quietly and Meg was aware of how much it took for him to admit that he, Severus Snape, anti-social, semi-recluse, needed someone.

"Sev… I love you, y'know, that don't you?"

"You keep telling me." He didn't answer the question directly,

"Well, I do. Whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Yes, just whatever." She closed her eyes and employed every means she knew of showing him how much she loved him.

* * *

"Miss Granger's quickness was your saviour this afternoon," came a mocking voice from behind her. "Or so I hear."

Megan didn't say anything, just stepped away from the window turning to see Dean in the doorway.

"I understood from out little conversation earlier, that no students were in danger. Would you still say that's the case?"

"What do you want?" she asked him slowly, her eyes wary but her face blank.

"Well, then let's see shall we? I would like at least double the pay I get now. I'd like Scotland to win the next World Cup, oh, you mean what do I want from you? Oh that's easy, but difficult to achieve. I would like you to drop dead." He stepped forward and closed the door behind him.

"Keep the door open, Dean; I was just leaving."

"Megan. Do you honestly think you can keep this hidden from Dumbledore forever? Or Snape for that matter?" He shook his head. "How will he look at you then; knowing that you're on that slippery slope to insanity." He watched her face pale.

Megan was clutching her robes tightly, his words crashed around in her head.

"Funny thing, but I really can't see Snape helping you go to the loo, can you? What will you do? Let Jack take care of you?" He shook his head again, his face a mask of pity, a false mask. "But then Jack never stayed to take care of his mother, so I doubt he'd stay for you."

"Get out," she hissed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Denial? You're still in denial. Come on, Megan face it. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost, that is. It's funny how life always catches you out. Makes you pay for crimes. Do you believe in divine retribution? I didn't. But I do now!" He sat on the edge of the desk and ran a hand over his hair. "I couldn't face it if it were me; knowing that no matter what you try and do, one day fairly soon, you'll be no better than a vegetable. Won't know what day it is, or what year. Although I have heard that sometimes you can get moments of lucidity, did your mother? That must be hard, to be with it long enough to realise that there's no hope." He shook his head, watching Meg's face closely. She was close to tears he could see that. Her hands were balled into fists at her side and her breathing was heavy.

"I think that if it were me, I couldn't go on. I'd have to end it while I still had some dignity, some pride."

Meg stepped forward on shaky legs, her face so white it looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"You really hate me this much?" she whispered.

"Oh, you have no idea. In fact I find the whole thing rather humorous. If it weren't for the fact that you could seriously endanger another person life, _again,_ I would just sit back and watch your slow descent into living hell. So, the questions remains, do I go and see Dumbledore, do you go and see him, or do I give you one last chance to try and work this out in a different way."

She ran past him, his words too much to take. She wrenched the door open and flew down the corridor. Her brain threatening to just shut down; his words ran round and round in her mind. He was right. She had endangered Neville and the students around him. Her lack of concentration and her blackouts had almost resulted in disaster.

She had to leave and she had to leave now.

She made her way to her study.

"Professor Kincaid!" She heard someone come running up behind her but she didn't stop. She felt a hand tug at her sleeve and Neville pulled her to a halt.

"Professor, this is important," he gabbled, looking very pale and worried.

"Neville, I'm very busy…"

"But miss it is important," he pleaded and kept his hand on her sleeve.

"What is it?" she hissed out her breath.

"You're in danger miss, a lot of danger." He kept hold of her sleeve.

"I very much doubt that Neville, unless you mean I'm in danger of being late, which is true." She struggled not to snap at him, aware it wasn't his fault.

"No miss, you're in danger from another teacher."

"Neville, have you been at the cooking brandy?" she snapped.

"Miss," he sighed and took a deep breath. "I saw the chart Professor Rider made up for you. It showed you were in danger from another teacher…"

"Divination, prediction, they aren't to be depended on so fervently, Neville. Okay who is it?" she sighed, wishing Dean Rider would take his charts and his tea-leaves and stick them right up…

"What?" His last words had registered mid thought.

"Professor Snape; it clearly showed a tall, dark haired male," he repeated slowly, his face chalky, his eyes filled with worry.

"Neville, much as I know you dislike, Professor Snape, could you really see him actually harming someone, let alone another teacher?"

"Yes!" He shook his head vehemently.

"Well, thank you, for that inspiring piece of news, Longbottom. It's nice to know that my teaching habits aren't warping your tiny little minds."

Neville went even whiter if that was possible before turning to see Snape coming towards them, his arms folded, his hands inside his sleeves clutching his elbows.

Neville made a gurgling noise in his throat before stepping back slightly.

"Neville, Professor Snape, may seem a little…er… dark at times. But he would never hurt me willingly, would you Professor?"

Snape sneered down at her before fixing Longbottom with a cold glare.

"That would depend on how angry you made me," he replied.

Meg gasped in shock staring up at him as if he'd grown three heads.

"Now run along, Mr. Longbottom, or would you have me turn you into a toad and then you and Trevor could croak together."

"No!" Neville stood his ground and stared up at the slightly taller Snape. "I won't let you hurt her. I'll inform the headmaster and… and…." his throat seized up, but he stood his ground, standing tall; his eyes not leaving Snape's.

"Well, well, it would seem you _have_ acquired some backbone somewhere along the line. Not before time," he remarked dryly. "Rest assured, Longbottom, not that it's any concern of yours, but I would never willingly hurt, Professor Kincaid."

Snape carried on walking past them; his robes billowing about him as he walked.

"Well done, Neville." Megan smiled at him and felt as if her face had cracked, "but I did tell you he wouldn't hurt me."

Neville was clearly having a hard time coming to terms with standing up to Snape and still being alive to talk about it. He grinned weakly at Meg and began to walk back the way he'd come; a little dazed with his success.

Meg took after Snape, angry with his treatment of the boy.

She caught him at his rooms.

"Did you really have to do that?" she demanded.

He turned and smirked at her, leaning one shoulder against the door.

"What are you complaining about? He stood up to me for you! All those lessons and confidence building has paid off. I would have thought you were pleased for him."

"I am… but you made it seem as if you would hurt me, Severus," she snapped.

"I wanted to see how he'd react," he remarked and stood up straight.

"I'd just got done telling him Divination couldn't be relied on and there you go making it seem right!"

"Divination? What now?" he sneered.

"Some load of junk…" she sighed. "He thought I was in danger from you."

"How?" he asked quietly.

"Something about some chart, Dean drew up, just a load of drivel," she replied, her temper had drained, she felt so exhausted now. "I'm supposed to be meeting Jack, I'll see you later."

"Would it upset you again if I wondered if I could meet your brother properly?"

"Ah um!" Meg shifted from one foot to the other. She hadn't actually been about to meet Jack, she just wanted an excuse to go back to her room.

"I take it he's aware of who I am."

"Er… it did come up. Yes." She refused to meet his eyes.

"I see," he muttered but she doubted if he saw at all. "I'll see you later then, will you come here when you come back?" He kept his voice even, his face unreadable.

"I… erm… I might be a bit late," She evaded. "I might… I'll see."

Snape looked down at her with coal black eyes that showed no emotions whatsoever.

"As you wish," his voice was deep and devoid of emotion too.

He went in and closed the door behind him, leaving Meg staring at the floor. Her heart in two but her mind made up.

A:N/

Okay now for some serious apologising!

For some reason, although I know where this story is going and what will happen ( believe it or not!), the last two chapters 18/19 have not gone as I planned. For some reason I've found it very hard to get across what I'm thinking at the moment. As a result, these two chapters I am a bit embaressed about. They don't do successfully what I wanted them to do. Although Rider and Megan came across just fine, Snape didn't.

P.A.R. pointed out a very valid point. Bruising on Meg's wrists. Now see, the thing is, my brain told me that it had worked, but when I re-read them I saw my errors in two things… Meg telling Snape she had lost the bracelet and the bruises on her wrists. I hope I have remedied this is her talk with Jack in the first part of the chapter. If you're in any doubt as to what the hell I'm rambling about, read P.A.R.'s review about the bruises. See in my incredibly naive way I thought that it would be picked up that bruises don't go black straight away, but it didn't work and for that I'm truly sorry! Neither did the scene with Meg telling Snape about the bracelet. Keep forgetting you can't read my mind! Which is just as well, or your sanity would be at risk if you could get inside MY mind!

Anyway a huge thank you for sticking with me even though things are going weird!!!!

Thanks to everyone who reads this and doesn't hurl straight away!

P.A.R.: What ever would I do without you putting me straight and getting my behind back on track? I print your reviews off and go through them.. it reminds me to write the story for everyone else and not just for me! Thank you for keeping going with me!

Martha and Squirrel: I love you guys I really do! You put huge massive grins on my face!

Everyone who leaves me little notes of encouragement put huge grins on my face. I swear my family think I've lost it!

Wyltk : Thanks for your lovely words and the link, I went there and my jaw dropped! I see your point! I do like country, but it seems to linger around The Judds/DollyParton/RebaMacintyre (nothing to do with the fact that's my maiden name!) and others like that! In my sheltered life I've missed on Blake Shelton! Oh and I just love "The Devil Went Down To Gorgia" by the Jack Daniels Band!!

Well, I hope everyone gets on alright with this chapter, I'm a lot happier with it than the last two!

Have a lovely day where ever you live!


	20. Action and Reaction

Updated March 2008

Er…. The disclaimer I always forget! I hope that you can all follow this, each of the scenes are actually happening at the same time as each other. I hope this becomes self-apparent as you read it. But I thought I had better warn you all now. Anyway… here goes…

* * *

Meg was almost ready to leave. She had spent most of the night, writing three letters. The first was for Dumbledore, apologising for leaving him with no notice; and one to Neville explaining she was sorry she had to leave but something had happened that she could no longer ignore. She wished him every success in the future and thanked him for being her friend.

The third letter, to Snape, was the hardest to write. It had taken three attempts before she was satisfied with it. And even then she hadn't been able to express completely what she wanted him to know. She looked over it again now before sealing it up.

_My dearest Severus,_

_Where do I begin? _

_You were right. There has been something wrong for awhile now, but I've tried to deny it, tried to hide it. But after yesterday's lesson with Neville I can't pretend everything is okay anymore._

_It seems that the illness my mother had, I have too._

_Things have been getting progressively worse for quite awhile now. It started just before Christmas with little things. But yesterday was the last straw. I cannot stay here if it means I am a danger to anyone else. Which it would appear that I now am._

_Neville and the students around him could have been seriously hurt because of me. I have had to take my head out of the sand and face this. Although in truth all I have wanted to do is curl up into your arms and hope it would all go away. But it hasn't, and it won't._

_I shall be going back with Jack. He is aware of what is happening to me and has said he will stay with me._

_All I ask of you is the look after yourself. I love you so much it breaks my heart to go, but I cannot let you feel some "misguided obligation" towards me. This year has been the best of my life. The memories you have given me I hope to keep. _

_You told me today that you have treated me badly. You have and you haven't. When you let the person inside you show I have felt special. You made me feel beautiful and wanted. And for that I will always thank you. I know you don't love me and I would have been content with just being in your arms and your friendship. But it's no use wishing for the moon._

_I want for you to remember me as that "royal pain in the neck" as you often called me, remember me in the way you like me most, but please don't hate me for leaving like this. I can't do this any other way._

_Jack called me selfish for running out without telling you I was going. And I suppose in a way he is right. I'm selfish because I don't want to see anything on your face that could taint the memory I have of you now. I want to remember the way you would look at me and hold me as if I was the only thing in your life worth holding._

_A part of me will always pretend that I was the only thing worth holding in your life. _

_I'm sorry for everything._

_Please take care of yourself, Severus. _

_I will love you always and forever. _

_Megan_

She closed the letter up, wiping the tears from her face; it didn't say anything about the pain she was feeling in leaving him, or the emptiness that had taken residence in her soul.

She set the letter on the table along with the other two and turning to her box on the floor took a deep breath and picked it up.

Her door was slammed open, banging back against the wall. She dropped the box in surprise and fear. Half of her hoped it was Severus, all decked out in a black suit of armour brandishing a potion bottle in his hand that would miraculously cure her. And half of her hoped it wasn't him.

It wasn't.

Knights in shining armour just don't exist anymore.

Jack looked slightly breathless, his face flushed with running.

"Hold the 'Dear Johns' sis!" He shoved a piece of parchment into her face. "And don't go anywhere 'cause you and I need to have a long chat about your lousy attitude. Sit and read this, I have to go and rearrange lover boy's face." He disappeared slamming the door shut again.

Meg blinked, her brother usually was a human whirlwind but she hadn't seen him quite so flustered before.

She looked down at the paper in her hand. It was a letter that had been owled to Jack, she read the first few lines and sat down heavily. Her brain unable to take it in at first; it changed everything.

_He,y Jack!_

_Got that information you wanted. Black threads in a pensieve are definitely not due to brain disorders. Toby, you remember him don't you; lad that threw up in the punch bowl at our first year Yule Ball? Well, he makes them, so I owled him, that's why it's taken me so long to get back to you. Sorry!_

_Anyway, he says that black threads in an otherwise silver or other coloured thread is a sign of dark magic. He said that it could be someone who has been casting dark magic or it could be someone who's had dark magic practised on them. Hopes this helps. What's up anyway? Never known you to be so hyper. Well, not so hyper as this! Oh by the way, say hi to your sister for me._

_Need anything else, just owl me._

_Rodney_

She felt relief flood through her so strongly her hands were shaking as she re-read the letter again. Tears dripped own her face. She wasn't going mad!

She looked back down at the paper through blurred vision.

Relief left her instantly as the implications seeped through her tired brain. She wasn't going mad because someone had been using dark magic on her. And she knew instantly who it was.

Dean Rider. Dean, bloody, Rider.

Ice trickled down her spine as the full implications sank in.

How could she have been so stupid? But he had been exceptionally clever. She had never seriously thought he would try anything. Didn't think he was that unbalanced. She remembered Severus asking her if she thought he was a threat and she hadn't. But then she hadn't realised he was insane. Insane in the need for revenge.

He had thought this thing through; Meg could see it now. He was obsessed with making her pay for his sister's death and he had been willing to take this as far as he could.

She shuddered as anger shot through her. Hot anger that had her on her feet and out the door, the paper dropping to the floor.

How dare he do this to her? How dare he play with her mind and make her so close to… she swallowed hard. If it hadn't been for Jack, she would have ended everything.

Jack! He'd gone rushing up there. He had no idea how clever Dean was; or how strong he was. She remembered Severus telling her about the class he'd sat in on; a shudder went through her. She had to get to them before Jack got himself seriously injured, or worse, kill Dean and end up in Azkaban.

* * *

"Just you wait, you evil bastard!" Jack banged the door shut behind him. "I'll rearrange your face so much even your own mother won't know you." He muttered to himself as he began to take the dungeon steps two at a time, careful to miss the trick one.

He broke into a run; he'd already checked Snape's rooms before looking in on Meg. He would try the staff room next. He knew it was the holidays but an anti-social psychopath like Snape wouldn't exactly be cheering the students a merry good morning in his common room.

He half registered his name being called, but he kept going intent on making Snape pay.

He reached the staff room door skidding slightly; he caught the handle to stop himself from falling and banged against it heavily. He straightened himself and moved to open the door.

Snape had heard the bang from his chair by the fire and got up to see which particular student needed points deducting for falling over outside the staff room and making a real din in the process. Annoyed, he flung the door open and was surprised to see Jack standing there; his face completely red with anger.

"You are a complete and utter bastard," he hissed and before Snape could even register his words, Jack had floored him with a right hook to his nose. Blood poured from Snape's nose, dripping down onto his robes, but he didn't even register it as Jack came forward, his face contorted with fury.

Jack stood over the sprawled form of Snape, his wand drawn and pointing at Snape threateningly. His long black hair covering his face in much the same way as Snape's did. Except where Snape's was lank and greasy, Jack's was clean and well kept.

"You really are something, aren't you? You've been screwing with my sister and now you're going to pay," Jack spat down at him, not in the least concerned about the cold fury behind Snape's black eyes. Even with blood coming form his nose he managed to sneer contemptuously at Jack.

"Put the wand away, Jack," a soft voice spoke from behind him.

Jack felt the tip of a wand digging into his back; he grimaced at Snape, before lowering his wand and stepping off from Snape.

He turned and saw Remus looking very worried; his wand drawn and still pointed towards Jack. He and Minerva had been coming through the corridors on their way to breakfast when they had seen Jack go tearing past them towards the staff room. They had followed; concerned at the look on his face and the fact that he had ignored their calls.

"Megan is old enough and responsible enough to make her own decisions as to whether she wants to sleep with me or not," Snape informed him coldly, his eyes chips of hard black stone. He dabbed at his nose and felt the blood trickling down his chin.

"Rich, coming from a man who used to rape for fun," Jack hissed, totally ignoring Remus now. His vision was blurred with red where he was so angry with the man in front of him.

Snape was on his feet; his hand curled around Jack's throat before either Remus or Jack could react. He slammed him into the wall; his face a mask of rigid fury. His blood smeared over Jack's throat but Snape didn't notice and Jack didn't care

"I have never, never forced myself upon a woman," he hissed. "And I would never force myself on Megan."

Jack couldn't get the words past his closed throat; his own hands tearing at Snape's fingers; again drawing blood that went unnoticed.

"Let him go, Severus," Minerva's sharp voice came from behind him.

Snape squeezed before letting his throat go. He stepped back, his body held tightly with anger.

"I don't give a damn about other women. It's Meg I care about and you have been screwing with her royally, and I don't mean between the sheets! You seriously thought you could get away with it, didn't you? And you so damn nearly did!" Jack's control snapped once more and he flew at Snape.

They crashed to the floor, Jack squeezing Snape round the throat, yelling at him; one hand moving to grip his robes.

"You've been mucking with her mind, haven't you?" he roared down at Snape.

Snape hissed and brought his hand up smacking the younger man on the side of his head, making his ear ring. He used Jack's momentary discomfort to shove him violently to the side, bringing his wand down form his sleeve and pointing it at Jack who was gripping his ear.

Jack heard Remus come up behind him and not taking his eyes from Snape's face he backhanded Remus and sent him across the room.

Minerva cried out and Jack felt bounds wrap around his hands.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Snape got to his feet, red marks around his throat, his robes crumpled. But his composure didn't waver once. His hair was mused and sticking to the drying blood on his face, his eyes wide with anger.

"Yes, you do," Jack spat at him, his hands now bound behind his back. Minerva had left to fetch Dumbledore, leaving Remus standing behind Jack; his fingers testing his chin gingerly where Jack had caught him.

"Well, why don't you tell me anyway." Snape began to pace in front of Jack. He had a horrible feeling that started in his stomach and crept up his spine.

"You thought that you'd get away with it, didn't you? Thought you could muck with her enough to just send her over the edge. I just want to know why? Why did you have to do that to my Meg? What has she done to you?" Jack was still incredibly angry, his wrists straining at the ties.

"I have done nothing to hurt, Megan." His thoughts turned towards Neville briefly, he'd accused him of the same thing. He suddenly felt as if he'd been extremely stupid, as if he'd been blind and was only now beginning to see.

Jack tugged once more at the bonds and gave up.

"I'll make sure you rot in hell for this Snape, even if I have to drag you there myself. You might be able to hide in this damn school for now. But you watch your back. I'll expose you to every last Auror. You'll go to Azkaban where you belong for this one."

Remus stepped forward slightly, frowning at Severus.

"Jack, why don't you tell us what you think Severus has done," he said it quietly, his eyes went to the younger man kneeling at their feet. His face was angry but Remus could see the panic behind his eyes as well as the anger.

"He's been driving her crazy, making her think she was going mad like mum did," he said it quietly; his accusing eyes never left Snape's dark unreadable face.

"In what way?" Remus probed, starting to get really worried now.

"I don't know exactly how he's been doing it, but he has," he snapped.

The door opened and Dumbledore came in with Minerva. A grave expression on his face, he looked every one of his years as he looked from Severus to Jack.

"I'm afraid it would appear I have been rather remiss." He shook his head and with a flick of his wand Jack's bonds were loosened.

* * *

Meg walked quickly through the castle, her boots clicking on the floor. There were few students about; most choosing to lie in bed and sleep.

She made her way to his room, using her wand to open his door in much the same manner as Snape entered his classroom. The door slammed back on the wall, but his rooms were empty.

She let out her breath on a hiss and turning walked back the way she'd come, not even stopping to close the door.

She thought back over the past two months. Everything that he had done to create the effects of losing her mind. A shiver went down her spine when she realised how close he'd come to succeeding. She had truly believed that she had lost everything. He had manipulated her into believing that the lapses of memory were the symptoms of impaired brain function.

It also sank in that it was possible he was responsible for her injuries. What else had he done? Horror filled her as she thought over the times she'd lost almost an hour, not knowing where she had been or what she had done. Frightening and horrifying images filled her mind. She'd been completely at his whim; at the whim of a man so clearly insane it turned her stomach.

She rounded the corner and went up into the classroom, her wand clasped in her hand ready.

"Professor Kincaid. I'm sorry, but I really don't have the time; I've been helping Neville…."

Megan looked with a sinking heart at where Neville was sitting pouring over star charts. What in the world was he doing up out of bed so early in the morning; and on holiday?

"Neville, please leave," she said, her voice icy cold. "You have all next term to learn about star charts. Go down for breakfast."

Neville looked up in surprise and rose to his feet.

"Sit down, Neville. Professor Kincaid doesn't realise how delicate this is." Dean waved his hand at Neville.

"I don't care at this moment if Orion was riding the tailbone of a crocodile. Neville please get out. NOW!" She spoke the last word so forcefully that Neville tipped his chair back in his nerves.

"Oh, dear!" Dean flicked his wand and the trap door slammed shut. "You really don't have much faith in my inner eye, do you?" He calmly locked the trap door with his wand.

"Don't you dare hurt the boy." Megan advanced towards Neville, putting herself between him and Dean.

"This is between you and me, leave Neville out of it."

"I can't." He shook his head. "You made friends with him, he was going to be a useful tool in pushing you closer to that edge you're dangling at. Besides… he's here out of his own free will. You insisted on dragging him into it. I can't have him running straight to Dumbledore. Incidentally, how did you find out?"

"My brother Jack," she said quietly, her eyes watching his every move. She didn't fancy her chances in a duel with him. She'd never been that fast with her wand and she didn't doubt he'd be anticipating her trying to hex him. She would just have to take her chances on Jack getting here soon.. Where was Jack anyway?

"Jack? Your brother is here?"

"What? Has your inner eye let you down Dean?" Meg's voice dripped with venom.

"So he found out it was Obliviate, did he?" he mused, twirling his wand in his fingers as he watched the two of them. Neville was sweating heavily now. Meg was more composed, but then he had expected that.

Meg realised that he knew she would come up here this morning, why else would he get Neville here so early. She was beginning to think there was definitely more to this whole inner eye thing than she'd given credit for.

"How did he find that out? It's practically impossible to detect."

"A pensieve. He found out from my pensieve."

"You don't use one," he exclaimed slightly surprised.

"I do now. Thanks to Professor Snape." She smiled nastily at him, desperate to keep him talking, she was just praying he'd let his guard drop slightly. Or that Jack and Severus would come bursting up through the trap door.

"Oh Snape, bloody Snape, I should have known he'd stick his enormous nose into things," he snorted. "Still, I suppose he'll be charging up here soon enough. Best get on with it."

"Wh… wh… what are you going t...t…t…to do?" Neville was shaking as well as sweating now.

Meg watched as Dean took his eyes off her for a moment. But it was all she needed. She drew her wand out and threw a strong binding charm at him.

He turned and laughed, completely unaffected.

"Merlin, this gets so tedious. Here we go again! Your wand won't work around me. I enchanted it. There. Any questions?"

Meg gasped and stared at him in true horror. She was defenceless against a completely insane, clever and clearly volatile man. Her eyes flicked to Neville and back to Dean, she licked dry lips and tried desperately to hide the shake that had taken her hands.

"Give me your wand, Neville. Nice and slowly, bring it out of your robe now." Dean held out his hand to the boy.

"I don't have it.." squeaked Neville nervously. "I forgot it."

"Oh, Neville, the only boy in the school with a Remembrall and you still can't remember things." Dean tutted and looked at Neville in disappointment.

"How you ever got past your first year here I'll never know. A squib, that's what you are; nothing but a squib. It's only the kindness of that old fool Dumbledore that you're still here! His greatest weakness; he's blinded by kindness, thinks everyone is worth a second chance." He strode forward, glaring at them both.

"But you!" He dug his wand point into Meg's chest deeply. "You aren't even worthy of breathing." The undisguised hate on his face contorted it, making him look ugly and old.

"Get away from me!" she hissed.

"No. You're going to pay one way or the other, you're going to purify that soul of yours once and for all… there's one passage in the bible that has always struck me… an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

"My soul is fine. Yours, however, doesn't exist."

"You're right! You stripped my soul away when you took the life of my sister. You took my whole life when you took hers. Nine years I've waited for this and I'm not going to let anyone get in the way."

"I never meant for it to happen, I never meant for her to die. But she did, and you need to let her go, Dean."

"Don't you lecture me about what I need or don't need!" he spat and slapped her hard across her cheek, her head snapped to the side, tears sprung to her eyes from the pain.

Neville seemed to come to life; he stepped forward, his face white and pasty.

"Don't!" He tried to step forward again but Dean brought his wand hand around and smashed him in the chest with his closed fist. Neville went flying backwards, crashing into the desks. He fell heavily his head smacking on the corner of the desk.

Meg reacted the instant his wand left her chest. She brought both hands up to shove violently on his chest, he stumbled backwards.

Meg brought her boot up and knocked his legs out from under him.

He crashed down losing his grip on the wand. Meg watched as it slid across towards the Neville, who was unconscious, a nasty gash on his head.

Meg lunged for it at the same time as Dean. They collided as he brought his fist up and into the side of her neck. She screamed in pain as he knocked her sideways, his hand closed over his wand.

He brought it up and yelled at her.

"Crucio"

Meg felt the fire consuming her veins as she writhed in agony. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Pure hot pain filled every nerve ending, she screamed as the torment poured over her.

He ended the curse and the initial agony left her. But every nerve in her body was still painful; every area of her ached and twitched as if she'd been shot through with electricity.

He came to stand over her, his face contorted in pain. His wand pointed at Neville.

"Get up!" he shouted at her and kicked her when she didn't move.

"Get up or I'll kill him where he lies!" he spat and kicked her again.

Meg was crying now, tears pouring down her face; tears of pain, tears of fear.

"Get up and get over to the window. We're going to find out just how good at flying you really are." He laughed cruelly.

"And remember, Megan, one wrong move and Neville will never open his eyes again."

Meg stumbled to her knees, pain racked through her, her hands curled into themselves like claws. Her hands felt as if the skin had been taken off them. He watched her with a sadistic grin as she struggled to her feet, only to fall as the pain in the soles of her feet was too much for her weight.

"You can crawl; might even be entertaining." He laughed.

She just wanted to curl into a ball and never feel again, but Neville was helpless. She had to think, had to get it together enough to get them both out of this.

"If I do as you say…." She started to cough and blood seeped from her mouth. "Will you let Neville go?"

"I might." He laughed and it sounded as insane as he actually was. "then again maybe I won't. But if you don't… well the outcome is a surety!"

"I hope you burn in hell!" she hissed, more blood spitting onto the floor.

"Most probably, do save me a seat down there, won't you?" He flicked towards the window with his wand.

Meg closed her eyes and dragged herself towards it; praying that Jack and Severus would be just at the bottom of the ladder now. Or even just opening the trap door, either would suit her just fine…

* * *

Dumbledore helped Jack to his feet. Snape was standing there, his thoughts clicking into place. Icy coldness washed over him and settled into his heart.

"Rider!" He spat and turned towards the fire.

"What?" Jack was rubbing his wrists glaring at him; he clearly looked as if he could jump on Snape again.

"Where is Meg now?" asked Remus.

"In her study," Jack muttered and watched in surprise when Snape thrust a handful of powder into his fire and called her name.

"Her fire is not lit," he swore and rushed out of the room, Remus close on his heels.

"Rider?" Jack looked at Minerva and Dumbledore who had motioned for him to follow.

"Dean Rider has been teaching divination here since the start of the year."

"What?" Jack almost exploded. "Sarah's brother?" He ran a hand through his hair and picked up speed till he fell in with Remus.

"What the hell is he doing here? Who the hell let him teach here? Didn't she tell you about Sarah?"

"She told me," Snape replied, his robes flapping round him as he took the steps down to the dungeons at high speed. He almost collided with Malfoy on the way down.

"Get out of my way, idiot!" roared Snape, picking the boy up by his collar and bodily lifting him to the side.

"Sorry…sir?" Malfoy was struck at seeing the teachers all racing down the stairs. The dried blood still smeared over Snape's chin.

"Sir?" he called out and Snape held up his hand without even stopping.

"Not now, Malfoy!" he roared.

He shrugged and turning almost collided with Minerva as she came sweeping down with Dumbledore.

"Merlin!" He jumped out of the way in time. "Where's the fire?"

Snape stopped outside her room and flung the door open.

He was momentarily taken by surprise at the sight of her room so bare. His eyes fell on the box and he glared before turning around and pinning Jack with a steely glare.

"Where would she have gone?" he demanded.

"I gave her the letter Rod sent; she'll have put it together and gone to find him." He groaned as it sank in where she was.

"Of all the insufferable, idiotic things to do!" Snape lit the fireplace with his wand and stepped forward to floo as close to the Divination classroom as he could.

"Won't the fire be lit in the classroom itself?" asked Jack taking a handful ready to follow Snape.

"Dean put it out," Remus explained; Snape was still muttering wildly about the crass stupidity of Meg as he disappeared.

Jack stepped into the fire, closely followed by Remus and Dumbledore. Minerva stayed to dispel the crowd that had gathered after Malfoy had alerted half the Slytherins that something was up.

Snape made his way to the trapdoor leading into the classroom above and finding it locked, blasted it with his wand.

"Oh, way to go Sherlock!" Jack spat at him. "Alert that nutter we're here. We may as well go and order a bloody coffin now. He'll kill her soon enough if he knows you're on the way!"

"Severus knows what he's doing," Remus said trying very hard to sound convincing when the thought had crossed his mind too.

Snape was up the ladder and into the room before Jack could reply.

Jack scrambled up after him, closely followed by Remus and Dumbledore.

The room was empty, only one window was open.

Jack groaned and rushed forward. Images of seeing Meg sprawled far below filled his head.

Snape went white and was beside Jack in an instant.

He couldn't loose her now. The sight of her empty room and the knowledge that Dean had been trying to kill her had made him panic. He had seen her lifeless body in his minds eye and it had almost made his heart stop beating. He had realised then just how much he loved her; just how much he'd give to keep her safe.

He would die for her. He would die with her if he had to. But he'd never let her go again.

* * *

Dean levitated Neville's body and sent him out the window.

Meg screamed and tried to grab him.

"Ah, ah, ah," he mocked her. "Don't distract me or try to get my wand or precious Neville will be seeing how well he bounces still."

Meg cursed him as she dragged herself to her feet.

Neville was floating flat on his back inches over the edge of the thin ledge that ran around the tower.

"Get on to the ledge and keep going round till you can slide down onto the next ledge. I'm not waiting for lover boy to get up here and ruin things."

Meg's mind snapped into sharp focus, oh dear Merlin, Jack had thought it was Snape that had been hurting her; they might never get here.

She shook her head as she inched over the sill, she wouldn't think past the moment; had to keep her senses about her.

The pain had eased considerably but Meg had continued to act as if she was in great pain thinking it might give her an edge over him. She looked down and nearly fainted. They were so high the Quidditch loops looked like lollipop sticks on the ground.

She clung to the edge and biting her lip made her legs move over the edge. She clung to the rough stonework, a sweat breaking out.

"Move!" He nudged her with his foot. She began to slide along. Although the ledge was about three feet wide, she kept as close to the wall as possible, unable to let herself look down. She kept her mind on Neville; she had to find a way of making sure he would remain safe.

"Please, let Neville go back in, I'll do what you want, I promise."

"So touching… What devotion! Shame you didn't have such devotion for my sister."

"I loved your sister. I will always love her."

"You love yourself you mean… stop! Stand there!"

She stopped and turned. He laid Neville onto the ledge and bent forward to step over him.

Neville's hand shot upwards and he gripped the wand in Dean's hand. Sparks burst from the end, blasting the stone work behind them. Meg hadn't been the only one keeping up pretences.

Dean was taken by surprise and he lost his footing. He slipped over the edge, taking Neville with him. He lost his grip on the wand in an effort to catch something to save himself. It slithered across the ledge just stopping before it fell over too.

"NO!" Meg screamed and sank to her knees leaning over to see.

Neville and Dean were clutched together; Neville's robes were caught on one of the stone gargoyles that decorated the walls of the tower. He looked up at her, fear stark on his face as he cried out to her.

"Hang on!" She yelled and leaned over. But it wasn't enough.

"Accio broomstick!" She yelled and almost fainted with relief when a broomstick came flying out of the open window. She snatched his wand and then got on the broomstick and without even thinking, stepped off the ledge and brought it level with them but out of Dean's reach.

"Dean, let go off Neville," she cried out.

"Are you out of your mind; you'll let me drop," he yelled at her, clutching tighter to Neville, whose robes were close to ripping anyway.

"I won't let you drop, I'll levitate you to the ledge, it's only about fifteen feet down… You must let go or you'll both fall!" she screamed at him. "I can't do the spell with both of your weights, now let go!"

She was so scared, fear coursed through her. But she kept her eyes on Neville who had his eyes closed, his mouth moving rapidly as he found god.

"Dean, let go…" she yelled again, not certain she'd be quick enough to catch either of them if the cloth gave way, which she was pretty certain it would.

Dean suddenly launched himself off Neville. The sudden movement was too much strain on the cloth and it tore. The last thing Meg heard was Neville scream as he plummeted down to the ledge below. She couldn't look down, because Dean had caught the end of the broomstick and was hanging on with his hands.

"Neville!" She screamed and tried to let the broomstick down to the ledge, but his weight on the end was too much for her control and she began spiralling down getting faster and faster.

Dean suddenly yanked at her leg and pulled her off the broomstick, swinging himself up at the same time.

Meg screamed as she dropped, her hands scrambling to keep hold of the broomstick but her hands found nothing as he swerved sharply away from her, watching as she fell backwards slightly, her legs and arms scrambling for purchase on something that just wasn't there.

Meg realised instantly she was too far out to hit the ledge Neville was on.

She was going to die and there was nothing she could do.

* * *

"You did this!" Jack cried at Snape. "She told you and you didn't even think…" He shook his head at Snape, his eyes glistening with tears.

Snape ignored him and clambered out the window, stopping only to shrug out of his robes and frock coat.

"It's not over yet!" Dumbledore stepped up to Jack and laid his hand on his shoulder.

Jack shrugged him off and began to climb out after Snape.

"Damn right it's not!" he bit out.

Remus gave Dumbledore a worried look and followed the other two men out the window.

Snape was on his knees looking over the edge; despair on his face as he pointed his wand towards the ground. Remus followed his suit and began to mutter the same spell that Snape was casting, a catching spell; he could only hope that it would slow her descent.

Jack could do nothing but watch as his sister fell threw the air like a rag doll, head over heels, arms and legs at odd angles until she hit the ground unmoving.

* * *

Neville had never felt so much pain before, it filled every pore and he knew both his legs were broken, along with a few ribs by the feel of it. But the pain that was worse was the pain of seeing Meg fall.

He slid his wand down his sleeve and leaned over the edge. He'd lied when he'd said he'd forgotten it. He had been going to use it first chance he'd got. But he'd been knocked out and his chance had gone. But he wouldn't fail her again.

He muttered the only spell that came into his head; a cushioning spell, he peered down, muttering the enchantment over and over. Praying harder and harder, he'd have no idea if it worked. Not even sure if he had the words right. It probably hadn't worked. Neville and charms were like Neville and potions.

He watched until she hit the ground and then he laid his head on the stone ledge and cried.

He was sure he'd failed again.

* * *

Meg blacked out half way down… the sensation of falling and the realisation she was going die horribly was too much for her brain to cope with. Cold, black darkness overwhelmed her making her body limp.

Neville was levitated over the edge; but he took no notice as he gripped Remus arm.

"Did it work? Did it work? I tried so damn hard to cushion her fall but my spell… I said it over and over… is she…?"

Snape's head snapped up as he heard Neville's words. Snape had never moved as fast as he did then. He didn't give Dean another thought; he didn't even acknowledge any of them as he got to his feet and going back to the window climbed in.

He vaguely heard Dumbledore asking him something as he lit the fireplace with his wand and stepping into it he called out Filch's office which was on the ground floor.

He stepped out to a very surprised Filch. But he ignored the man and dashed out of the door.

Snape very rarely ran anywhere. But he did now. He was certain it was no good. No one could survive that fall and he wasn't enough of an optimist to think that his and Remus' spell casting had made any difference, but hope had filled him when he heard Neville's words. If only they had been several seconds sooner; if only he'd made her tell him what had been going on. If only he'd gone on his gut instincts and watched Rider more closely. If only she had trusted him enough to talk to him.

Tears almost blinded his vision, but he couldn't let them fall. Not now, not yet.

He was almost afraid to turn the corner of the grounds that lay under the astronomy tower so many feet above him. But he did; and he saw her face down on the grass.

"Megan," he whispered his head dropping forward as he rested his hand on her head; he was aware that there was very little blood, although her arms and legs were at painful angles.

"Megan?" he spoke her name more clearly, hope sparking to life in his dead heart. He hardly dared to breathe as he listened closely, his ear pressed close to her face.

He heard the tiniest of noises from her. He quickly felt for a pulse; he sighed as her pulse under his fingertips was regular if not a little slow.

He suddenly realised how she survived. The ground underneath her was soft and springy, Neville's spell had worked, and along with the catching charms it had saved her life. And his too.

A/N: This isn't the end as you've probably guessed but it seemed easier to end it here for now as the next chapter is going to take me awhile.

I just wanted to explain a few things to everyone who has been kind enough to leave reviews encouraging me of late about who I should be writing for.

You all are, of course, right when you say that I should write for me.

And I was, in fact I started writing this because I wanted to have a story where Severus did what I wanted him to do… I wanted him to find someone whom he would fall in love with, but someone who was willing to take him the way he was. Not expect him to suddenly wash his hair every day, or stop the sneering and smart talking.

But I have to admit that recently I have found it very hard to write.

My better half, who keeps an eye on my story and the reviews, told me to listen to myself. He knew what the trouble was … (after six years together he knows me better than I do). I'm not very confident with my writing. So, what happened was I began to lose a bit of faith in my story and started to worry more about what people would think ( I think that sometimes I get completely out of hand, my imagination can really get out of control sometimes!).

Anyway, what I'm rambling about here is this…. I appreciate everyone's comments and advice and reviews. I have even used some ideas (Remus would never be here otherwise and he's going to play a big part in kicking Severus up the backside soon!) but I have to stop worrying whether the story goes your way and let it go mine. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't mean to be and I don't want you to stop reviewing and leaving notes of advice etc. They mean an awful lot to me. This is the first story I've really worked on that other people have seen. And I got unbalanced (even more so than usual!) but I've learnt from my mistake I hope.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. It was hard for me to believe at first that other people enjoyed my ramblings as much as I enjoy writing them! ( I still find it hard to believe.)

Have a nice day wherever you are!


	21. Dealing

Updated March 2008.

Disclaimer: The usual, own nothing!

I had originally intended this to be the last chapter, but as usual my imagination ran away with me! There are so many things to clear up and tie together that I was running into page 26 and I was no closer to the end, so I've decided to stop and post what I've done so far. I'll explain why at the bottom of this!

Here we go, and please keep your hands in and your feet on the running boards at all times.

* * *

She was falling, her arms and legs flailing, trying desperately to catch the broomstick that was just out of her reach. Never moving closer and never moving away.

She could hear screaming, blood curdling screams that she knew were her own. Severus was leaning over the broomstick, shouting at her. Yelling at her to catch the broomstick, but no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't grip the twigs or handle.

She could feel tears pouring down her face. Panic, cold and hard settled in her chest.

Severus leaned over, his fingertips brushing the ends of hers; never able to grasp her properly. His face began to swim out of view and it became Dean leaning over, laughing down at her. He began to sing and she could hear the words in her head over and over again.

_"Rock a bye, Megan on a broomstick…._

_When the broom breaks her death will be quick…"_

Meg clamped her hands over her ears and tried to stop the words echoing round and round her head.

"No…." She could see the ground rushing up closer, ever closer. She was going to die; desperation washed over her, the feeling of being utterly helpless.

"Severus!" She screamed his name, clawing at something tangible now.

"Megan! Wake up, you're dreaming, it's just a dream!" Cool hands on her hot arms stopped her from trying to get away.

"Help me, please!" She tried to claw herself up his arms, frantically clinging to him, still caught in her nightmare.

"Megan, calm down; open your eyes and look at me. You're quite safe," whispered words in her ears, hands holding her still against the mattress, not allowing her to thrash about and hurt herself even more.

She opened her eyes and sighed heavily as the ceiling of the infirmary came into view. She was safe, she wasn't dead. Relief made her breath catch in her throat. Relief so strong she sagged into his chest, her head buried in his robes. Her breathing coming hard now, as his hands stroked her back, his voice, soft and low whispering words into her ear, words she didn't understand, didn't take in. But they calmed her all the same.

Tears wouldn't come; her eyes dry as she clung to his him; keeping her head buried in the security of the black robes that was pressed against her.

Severus. Severus was holding her. She was safe; she wasn't dead, no one had died.

She raised her head slightly, letting him pull back slightly.

She avoided his eyes and instead lay back, covering her bruised face with her hands.

"Megan?" he spoke deeply, softly.

But Megan didn't respond, didn't say anything at all. Made no move to show she'd even heard him. She was lost in herself; unable to get past the images of her dream.

"Megan." His voice held the same soft and low tone he used with the students. A tone of voice that couldn't be ignored, she drew in a shuddering breath; his voice stabilising her, bringing her round from the nightmare.

She lowered her hands and looked at his face. His black eyes regarded her closely.

"I'm sorry," she whispered the words, her eyes slipped from his to the top button on his frock coat which was buttoned up.

"He will be caught." His words were quiet, but she heard the dark menacing quality behind them. A shiver ran up her spine, she was certain that if Severus caught Dean, he would be pleading to go to Azkaban.

She looked back up at him and saw the edges of anger in his eyes at Dean.

Meg knew Dean had got away; it hadn't been hard for him to fly from the grounds, while Remus and the others had concentrated on getting Neville down without injuring him further.

She also knew that security around Hogwarts had been tightened and that there were wards around the infirmary. It scared her to think that he might try again. It scared her to think that Neville had almost been killed. It scared her to think that the entire events were of her own making.

She turned her eyes away from Severus; unable to look into those black eyes any longer.

Nothing had been said on a personal nature. He'd made no remarks on what had happened. Told her nothing of what he was feeling, or what he had felt. She didn't even know if he'd found the letter she'd written to him. She knew nothing past what he allowed her to see on his face and in his eyes. And that told her nothing.

He would sit with her, like he was now, sometimes she would fall asleep on her own but wake to find him sitting watching her. Other times she'd fall asleep with him beside her and then when she woke he'd be gone and Jack would be sitting there.

She wanted to ask him how he felt, ask him why he sat with her. But she was frightened of his answers and frightened of her response.

The rug she had been standing on one leg on had been ripped from under her and she was floundering still. Feeling as if she was in mid air still, still falling, but this time she was uncertain what would happen when she landed; if she ever landed.

Feelings, emotions all became entangled in her mind. Images and recriminations swirled around and around like flames in her brain. She was tired and sore still and she just wanted peace. But she didn't think she would ever lay claim to that feeling again.

"Megan?" The curtain pulled to one side and Poppy came bustling in, beaming cheerfully. "Isn't it a dreadful day outside? The rain isn't stopping to come down!"

Megan closed her eyes briefly, before mastering a tiny smile at the well meaning woman. She didn't want cheerfulness right now; she just wanted to be left alone.

"Do you want any pain relief potion, dear?" She came round the side of the bed opposite to Severus and using her wand checked Meg over.

"Hum…heart-rate up a little." Poppy frowned down at Meg, who kept her eyes lowered.

"Nightmare," Severus informed her softly.

"Ah…" Poppy nodded happy with her other readings. "Do you want any pain relief?" she repeated her earlier question and Meg had to bite her lip from screaming at her.

"No, I'm fine." She looked at her starched apron. "Thanks." It came out belatedly as she fought against telling the other woman she didn't want to stop feeling the pain because it was the only way she knew she was alive.

She didn't care what kind of day it was because she couldn't get past how close to death she'd come and how close to death Neville had been. 'If onlys' chased around in her brain, but it was too late now. The damage had been done. And she would have to pay for that. The knowledge that she had almost been responsible for a students death.

"Okay, then, well if you change your mind, call me!" Poppy backed out, her eyes meeting with Snape's, indicating silently she wanted to speak to him.

Meg didn't see the silent message, her eyes still studying the blankets under her fingers.

"Would you like me to bring you anything?" He stood up fluidly and crossed to the curtain before looking back at her.

Meg shook her head, still not looking at him.

He watched her quietly before slipping out of the cubicle leaving Meg to stare at her fingers blankly.

She wanted to shout after him. Tell me to come back and talk to her, tell her that things were okay. She wanted him to turn back time for her. But no sound left her lips because she knew he could do neither.

* * *

"She's not doing as well as I hoped," Poppy sighed as she sat in front of Snape and Jack. Remus hovered in the background looking shattered; his hands wrapped round a steaming mug of hot chocolate. It was the day after a full moon, and although he didn't fully change anymore, it still took it out of him physically.

"Why not?" Jack sat forward on his chair; his hand ran absently through his hair sending it all on end.

"Physically she's doing very well; her legs are mended and she'll soon be able to get up, she'll need to strengthen her muscles which have taken a beating too. So I really don't expect much walking for at least a couple of months. But it's not physically that's worrying me."

Jack sighed and sat back; he'd been trying to ignore the signs. Now he couldn't.

"She's depressed. Her nightmares are not helping so I think that for the time being a dreamless sleep potion would help."

"I'll take her home," Jack said immediately. "We're quite close to the hospital where we live. She'll have all the care she needs."

Snape's heart dropped into his shoes, although nothing showed on his face, only his fingers tightening around the chair arms indicated how he was feeling.

"And how would you stop, Rider?" asked Snape coldly.

"I could put up wards like here." Jack didn't look at him. Remus coughed and stepped forward to slump down into the spare chair. His face looked tired and his robes hung loosely on his frame.

"It wouldn't work, she's safer here," Remus said quietly, careful not to look at Snape. He'd seen the man curl his fingers; he'd been expecting the chair arms to break under the pressure.

"What do you suggest then?" asked Jack sharply.

"Her own rooms," Poppy replied. "I could still keep an eye on her, which you could as well Severus, and you too, Jack."

Jack snorted and shifted in his chair slightly, not pleased with the idea of Snape being anywhere near his sister.

"She could work there as well. Nothing too strenuous but enough to take her mind off what has happened," Remus added, still clutching the mug tightly.

Snape nodded, his heart resuming its normal place, his fingers relaxing slightly.

"Well, I don't think she's likely to forget in a hurry," Jack snorted again, for a few seconds he'd thought he could take her away from the place that had given her so much pain. Take her away from the man who was as cold as ice and as dangerous as a pit of snakes.

Someone knocked on the door and then opened it.

"Not too late, am I?" asked Dumbledore as he came in, smiling around at everyone.

"Hello, Albus!" Jack jumped to his feet, giving the older wizard his chair. It still gave the child in Jack a kick calling the headmaster by his first name.

"Thank you, Jack." Dumbledore settled himself down as Jack dragged another chair closer.

Snape watched him, the cold sneer playing on his lips keeping back a snide remark.

"Well, what have we decided?" Dumbledore accepted the cup of tea from Poppy with a smile.

"Megan will move back into her rooms," Snape spoke softly, his voice dangerously low, his narrowed gaze not leaving Jack's face.

"Excellent idea," Dumbledore declared approvingly.

"Any news of Rider?" asked Jack urgently, he ignored Snape's black glare and focussed on Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid not. Although I have been informed by the ministry they have their best men on the job; Bennett and Boyle." Dumbledore sipped his tea, a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"The ministry couldn't find an apple in an orchard," Snape snorted and set his cup back on the desk.

"A little harsh I think," Dumbledore chuckled and helped himself to the tray of cakes that had just appeared on the desk.

"Is Meg aware he hasn't been caught yet?" Remus asked between stifling a yawn and reaching for a cake.

"No."

"Yes."

Snape glared at Jack's no and Jack nearly choked over Snape's yes.

"You've told her?" demanded Jack, getting thoroughly annoyed now.

"I have." Snape folded his arms, his face resuming an impassive look. "Meg can handle the truth."

"So I see; she's out there as we speak, getting lower and lower and you think that by telling her that raving lunatic is still loose and capable of hurting her again, that she'll handle it? What kind of sadistic bastard are you anyway?" Jack was almost spitting in fury now.

For nearly two weeks he's kept his feelings and temper in check for Meg's sake. But this was the final straw in his eyes, the final betrayal of his sister.

"Jack." Dumbledore held up his hand but Jack ignored him.

"Come on! Tell me how you thought it would help, apart from giving you some perverse pleasure the Death Eater in you thrives on."

Snape's face contorted in anger.

Remus struggled to set his mug down and sit up; Poppy gasped, clearly shocked.

Snape stood up and towered over Jack, his lips curled unpleasantly.

"I get no pleasure from seeing Megan hurt," his voice low and as cold as ice.

Dumbledore rose to his feet, concern in his face.

"Severus isn't a Death Eater anymore," Remus added quickly.

Jack stood up, his face inches from Snape's now.

"Funny, I always thought a leopard couldn't change its spots."

Snape brought his fist up and smashed it into Jack's nose.

Jack flew backwards crashing into the wall and slumping down it, blood flowing from his broken nose.

"Now we are even," Snape spat and swept out of the office slamming the door behind him.

"Oh, dear!" Poppy came round the desk to bend over Jack who was groaning.

"I think perhaps I should tell you about Severus and his part in the war," Dumbledore mused.

* * *

Snape couldn't remember the last time he'd used physical violence on a person. Well, yes he could; but he preferred not to.

But Jack had pushed one step too far. Threatening to take Meg from him had been the first crack, but accusing him of deliberately hurting her again had been the last straw.

He swept down towards Meg's bed. He'd had enough. It was time to tell her all the things he hadn't.

He'd held back from telling her anything so far; first it had been because she was unconscious for several days. Then it had been because she'd been having such terrible headaches and fits of fatigue that he couldn't bring himself to add any more pressure to her. But now he had to.

If Jack considered him a monster, which he so obviously did, then he'd waste no time in trying to poison Meg against him.

Snape wouldn't have that. He had to convince Meg that while he may be every inch the monster. He would never willingly hurt her. He loved her and he would tell her.

He stepped inside the cubicle and opened his mouth to speak.

Meg was fast asleep, flat on her back, snoring softly.

His face softened as he crossed to stand beside her. He stroked one long bony finger down her cheek.

"Peaceful dreams," he whispered and glided back out careful not to make any noise.

* * *

Meg chewed her lip thoughtfully.

"Oh, dear, which particular door did that to you?" she asked, seeing the still swollen but mended nose of her brother Jack.

"A large, black one," he snorted and sat beside her

"With a hooked nose and long greasy hair?" she asked quietly, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Yup!" He crossed his legs and scowled at her. "What on earth ever possessed you to hook up with him in the first place sis? He's mean, nasty; bloody hell woman, he was a Death Eater."

"And when did 'is' turn into 'was'?" she asked raising an eyebrow at him. "And is that why he hit you?"

"Albus told me what he did, humph!" He folded his arms and swung his foot impatiently. "Come on sis… he's…. he's…."

"Unique?" she suggested quietly.

"Just as well," he replied smartly.

Meg cracked a tiny smile and sighing, let her head fall back on the pillow.

"So when do I get the lecture on 'my lousy attitude'?" she sighed.

"Now would be good for me, how about you?" he replied and unfolded his arms. "Look, Megan, I just want to know what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she echoed looking blankly at him.

"Yes, as in 'opposite' to right!" he said slowly.

"There's nothing wrong; I'll just be glad when they get Dean."

Jack swung his leg back and forth, chewing on his bottom lip.

"My offer of Australia still stands y'know!"

She smiled properly at him and shook her head gently.

"We'd kill each other after a month!"

"We're not children any more, Meg. I promise I won't put salt in your coffee or worms down your back."

She laughed and felt tears spring to her eyes wishing she was once more ten and screaming to her mother about something hideous he'd done.

"I'd cramp your style Jack and you know it!"

"Style? What style?" He feigned an affected pose his eyes sad.

"All those woman that line up around the bloke for a glimpse of your smile." She arched her eyebrow at him. "I would love to come with you…."

"But?" he reached forward and gripped her hand

"I'm… I belong…" She stopped, fighting the urge to cry, she wasn't sure where she belonged anymore.

"Here? With that greasy haired cave dwelling rodent?"

"Please, Jack, do you have to be so mean about him?"

"Oh that wasn't mean sis, believe me," he retorted quickly but patted her hand with his.

"Megan, you know I'll stay if you want me to!"

"I do… but I don't." She shrugged apologetically at him.

"I wanted to take you home and look after you till you got on your feet."

"Really?" she looked at him in surprise.

"You really don't know how much I love you. You really think that I would have received that letter and shrugged it off didn't you?"

"I didn't want you to feel… obligated." She shrugged.

"Obligated?" He looked momentarily taken aback till it sank in. "Obligated? You make it sound like you're some stray dog I found on the street. What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?" he cried angrily, his face showing how upset he was.

"I don't hate you!" she cried out, struggling to sit up more. Pain raced through her chest but she fought against it.

"Then why did you think that I wouldn't care? Why did you think it would be perfectly okay for you to slide away without telling me and just kill yourself?" he jumped to his feet and began to pace.

"I didn't want you to realise, I didn't want you to think that you had to..." She cried frantically trying to make him understand.

"Oh stop it!" He shouted. "Just stop it! You weren't thinking about anyone except yourself Megan, so just shut up with the "obligation" speech." He ran a hand through his hair and stopped at the end of the bed to glare down at her.

"Have you any idea of what I'd have gone through if I'd come hone one day to find a grave stone staring at me; what would it say? "Here lies Megan Kincaid, proud to the end." How dare you do that to me? How dare you treat me like a passing acquaintance?" He leaned over and pinned her with his eyes.

She shook her head tears running down her face now.

"Let me tell you something," he hissed. "You are all I have left in this world, but I really meant what I said in the pub that day; if I didn't love you I'd hate you right now."

"Stop, Jack please," she begged, he was adding more quilt to her already overloaded mind. But a part of her knew he was right; but still she'd had her reasons, she hadn't meant to be selfish, she just truly hadn't thought.

"No, I won't stop, you have to realise what you so nearly did and for what reason? You were wrong but you insisted on fighting it yourself. You were so far of the mark you weren't even on the right planet; you would have killed yourself for no reason other than that you were too damn proud to tell someone; even if it had been that cold snake out there. But no, you couldn't do that could you. Too damn proud, too self involved to think about anyone except yourself!"

"It wasn't pride… please stop." Meg wailed, pressing her hands over her ears in a childish attempt to stop herself from hearing his words.

"Really?" he snorted. "Then what do you call it?"

"I was scared." She replied, her eyes tightly shut. "You didn't see what happened to her, Jack. You didn't see what she became. Whatever you think now, I had no reason to suspect you wouldn't run as fast as you did with her."

"Bloody hell, that was low!" He slammed his fist onto his thigh. "I was young, Megan! I was just eighteen for goodness sake! I didn't know how to handle it; I didn't know how to handle my feelings." He stopped and slapped his hand over his forehead in mock enlightenment. "Oh! I see it now! Were you going to punish me this way? Is that what it was all about? Make me go through hell just because I let you down four years ago?"

"No, it's not… I'm not trying to punish you! I was trying to protect you! I admit I hated you for being able to get away and I hated myself for wanting to get away. But I didn't want to put you through that; I didn't want to accept that I was going that way. I denied it for so long, and then when I almost hurt Neville, I couldn't hide it anymore." Meg bit her lip, there was so much she didn't know, probably would never know. Had he tampered with her ingredients or had she really made that mistake?

She groaned and with difficulty pulled the sheets over her head.

"I'm sorry, okay? Really sorry, if I could turn back time I'd change everything, but I can't. I'm not proud of anything I've done. I messed up, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I should never have come here, never got involved with Severus. None of this would have happened. I didn't want anyone to get hurt," she pleaded, her voice muffled under the sheets. She couldn't deal with the way he was making her feel right now.

The curtain opened and Snape stepped inside, glaring at Jack.

"I put a silencing spell on this cubicle. The entire ward does not want to hear," Snape's voice was icy cold as he glared at Jack. His eyes flicked to where Meg had drawn the sheet down to her nose, her eyes peering over the top anxiously.

Jack narrowed his eyes at Snape, he wanted to flatten him, but instead he contented himself with sitting down in the chair beside Meg and scowling at him.

"Jack, please, I'm tired," she whispered through the sheet, now using the edge to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Jack jumped to his feet still glaring at Snape.

"Fine. I'll go. I'm sorry too, Megan, I never meant to upset you. I'm sorry you didn't trust me enough to tell me sooner. I'm sorry that you thought I didn't want to know. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you with mum. I'm just sorry, okay?" he snapped it out, his face black as thunder.

"Jack." She lowered the sheet and tried to grip his jumper but he moved away from her and walked out of the cubicle, knocking his shoulder against Snape as he pushed past him.

She pulled the sheet over her head again, letting the tears fall.

She heard the curtain rustle again as Snape left as well; his face carefully blank but his eyes dark and stormy.

* * *

Severus Snape stood at the window, his arms crossed, hands holding opposite elbows. His back was rigid and his stare fixed on a point somewhere far below.

Every fibre of his body language screamed out "Don't talk to me", but Remus choose to ignore the warning signals and stopped beside him.

"After all that snow it seems strange to see rain again," Remus remarked, resting his hands on the sill.

Snape gave no sign that he'd even heard Remus, his eyes not taking note of the grey rain that fell outside.

"At least it's warmer and more British somehow," he carried on, his voice gentle and low.

Snape blinked and it was the only sign he gave that he was alive.

"Waxworks," Remus muttered quietly before turning his back on the relentless rain that fell from a lead grey sky.

Snape turned slightly, his black hard eyes staring intently at the man beside him, nothing on his face or in his eyes giving away his thoughts or emotions.

"A muggle book I read as a child once… "If you think we're waxworks you ought to pay, y'know!" Remus smiled slightly wistfully at the remembered book he'd loved so much.

"Is there a point to that last comment, Lupin?" came Snape's deep voice.

"You just reminded me, standing so still. The ending of the quote always made me smile: If it was so, it might be; and if it were so; it would be, but as it isn't, it aign't. That's logic!" he quoted softly.

"Quite!" Snape sneered slightly, before the impassive face returned and he turned back to the window.

"But it makes sense in a strange sort of way. She could have died Severus. But she didn't." Remus didn't flinch as Snape rounded on him, his composure slipping.

"I know that," he hissed, his black eyes flashed with anger.

"Then why are you out here with me, when she's in there."

"She doesn't need me," Snape spat, annoyed at Remus for interfering in his thought process.

"She has Jack," Snape muttered the words quietly. "And Longbottom."

"Are you feeling sorry for yourself?" Remus demanded, although he already knew the answer.

"No, I am not," Snape snapped back, a small frown appearing between his eyes.

"So why are you out here?" Remus contemplated the way his robes just brushed the bottom of his boots.

"Why are you here?" Snape turned to face Remus, the frown deepening and settling between his eyes in its usual place.

"Finding out why my friend is brooding in the corridor instead of sitting beside the bed of someone he loves very much."

Snape regarded Remus for several minutes, no emotion on his face whatsoever.

Remus stayed silent, waiting. Snape stayed perfectly controlled.

"I am not brooding," he intoned icily. "I am thinking."

Remus raised his eyebrows and carried on contemplating his boots.

"Same thing sometimes," he mused quietly.

"I would be grateful if you would go away," Snape snapped, his voice taking on some of the desperation that had been his shadow from the moment he'd seen her lying like death on the grass.

"Severus, don't let this pass you by; sort it out," Remus spoke quietly, his eyes on the man beside him.

"There is nothing to pass by. There is nothing to sort out," Snape's voice was cold and flat.

"I don't think so Severus, Megan loves you. She's going to really need you and…"

"I just heard her telling her brother that if she could change things she would. If she could go back and not become involved with me she would. I think that is more than plain!"

"I think she's hurting and more than just physically." Remus shook his head. "She's been through a lot Severus, she thought she was going insane, then she was almost killed. That's a lot for one person to deal with."

"I can't help her."

"Why not?"

"I just can't," he spat at Remus angry at being questioned.

"You mean you won't help her," Remus said firmly. "She's bound to be scared that Dean may try again. You can at least tell her he won't hurt her again!"

"That's what I told her five months ago. I told her I wouldn't let him hurt her and look how well that turned out," Snape's voice was bitter and full of self-recrimination.

Remus saw the problem clearly then, in two sentences Snape had inadvertently told Remus all he needed to know. All he had to do now was give a little prompting and hopefully Snape would talk himself round.

"You weren't to know, Severus."

"I knew something was going on. But I assumed she was overworked and stressed." He shook his head sneering at his own reflection in the window.

"You can't read minds, Severus," Remus said softly.

"I knew what lay between them," he carried, on ignoring Remus' last statement. "I knew he could be a danger. I even heard him threatening her right back at the start of the year and I didn't see it." He shook his head again, his hair catching in his mouth, but he didn't move it.

"I heard him threaten her right before Christmas and still I didn't see it. I just didn't see it." He sagged slightly. "And now he's loose out there somewhere with the potential for hurting her again."

"You can't be responsible for the things Meg chose to hide. She _chose_ to hide things Severus. She was manipulated into believing she was going insane, she actively hid that from you, from all of us. You are not omniscient, no matter what you want the students to think."

"I should still have seen the signs, Remus! I accepted things at face value!" He shook his head self-disgust in his voice. "Her wand wouldn't work and I willingly swallowed the headache theory! Like some innocent fool! Dammit I should have known it was enchanted; I spent two years as a Death Eater and nearly thirty years learning the dark arts and I didn't see it. She could have died and it would have been my fault!"

"But she didn't die. And the only person responsible is Dean Rider," Remus voice was firm. "You saved her Severus; you were there when she needed you."

"Longbottom did."

"You did and I did and Neville played a big part in it, but none of those spells would work on their own." He shook his head sadly.

"It doesn't change the fact that she didn't tell me what was happening to her." He narrowed his gaze on a drop of rain that was running down the window.

"Only she can tell you why she didn't. But you will never know if you don't ask her."

Snape watched the drop of rain pool on the ledge outside and then clamping his lips together in a thin line straightened his shoulders.

It was becoming increasingly obvious to Snape that he would have to sit down with her and talk this whole thing through. One thing was certain, despite his words to Remus, he wasn't prepared to let her go. And if it took him the rest of his life to convince her to talk to him, he'd do just that. He wasn't going to let her go again. He would make her tell him why she hadn't spoken to him.

He would tell her just how much she meant to him, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. No matter how much it would cost him, she was worth far more.

For probably the first time in his life he would have to swallow his pride and let himself be completely vulnerable and open to her. And just hope it wasn't too late.

* * *

Meg lay flat on her back, her eyes open and staring up at the ceiling above her.

Her mind was going over and over what Jack had said to her. She felt so unhappy and so empty inside. She had successfully managed to make a complete mess of everything, including her job.

The curtain opened and Jack came sliding in, a posy of Violets, Snowdrops and Crocuses in his hand.

"Guess we would kill each other within a month," he said softly and shrugging dumped the flowers on the table beside her.

"Oh Jack…" Meg struggled to sit up. He stepped forward and sliding his hands under her arms helped her sit up.

"They are lovely!" She took the flowers from the table and nestled her nose right in the middle of them.

"Sally cast a spell over them to make them last longer, I don't know, something about they aren't cut flowers or whatever!" He slumped onto the seat beside her.

"I'm sorry, Meggie, I never meant to upset you. I guess my tongue ran away with me."

"No, Jack, I'm sorry, in all this stupid tangled mess I never meant to hurt you, honestly. I love you and I don't want you to hate me, you're all I've got. I've been such a stupid fool. Will you forgive me?" she chewed her bottom lip.

"You silly goose!" He reached forward and ruffled her fringe. "I'd never hate you. There's nothing to forgive; in everything I said I forgot one crucial thing. He was screwing with your mind; you weren't supposed to go running to anyone, it would have spoilt his game a bit. You were at his mercy, Meg. You did nothing that needs forgiving. I should never have said those things."

Meg turned her eyes down to the flowers; he was right in one respect. She had been at his mercy; he had screwed with her. She just had no idea what else he'd done, he was probably miles away and he still had a hold over her. He held the knowledge of what had happened during the time she'd lost. He knew what would fill in the blanks of her memory.

She ran a finger over the petals gently and forced herself to smile at him.

"Thank you, Wonderboy." She wondered if he'd remember the game they played as children; he did.

"You're welcome Princess Maggot." He grinned wickedly at her. "We had good times when we were kids, didn't we?"

"Yeah." She laid her head back and stared up at the ceiling, a gentle smile on her lips as she thought of all the games they had played together, and all the fights they'd had.

"I made a decision yesterday. One I should have made a long time ago." He dug into his pocket and drew out a card, which he flicked onto her chest.

She picked it up and raised her head to read it.

_Elidon Studios_

_Jack Kincaid_

_Photographer_

_Memories to remember? Capture them in film. _

_Any occasion, nothing too big or too small._

"You're staying?" her voice squeaked, but she was so hopeful and so shocked she didn't notice.

"I should never have left, at least not for so long. We're family, Meg and we need to stick together."

She looked at him and frowned slightly, the initial excitement wearing off as more guilt settled over her soul.

"You're giving everything up for me?"

"I'm giving nothing up Meg, believe me. You said you were in denial; well I've been in denial for different reasons. I've tried to forestall growing up and I've lost out in the process. I should have stayed with you after Dad died. You needed me, I needed you. I've spent four years at playing a wastrel!"

"Are you kidding? I've seen the photo shoots you've done in the Wild and Untamed Things magazine," she gasped. "You are the best in your field. No one ever came as close to photographing some of the most dangerous creatures going as you have! That magazine won't let you go!"

"Meg, I'm going to split my time between this…" he indicated the card. "and trying to get the first picture of the Nessian Eel." He grinned slyly.

"Well, if anyone can get a picture of the Hybrid Eel in Loch Ness it's you I suppose… but what about all the travelling you did. Won't you miss that?"

"The reason I travelled is quite simple, Meg." He scratched his chin and a dark red stained his cheeks slightly. "I never had anything to stay still for; I forgot you in the process. The grass was always greener somewhere else, because I was never content with what I had. I never learnt to appreciate what I could have here with you. I gave up my family for a dream. I'm not doing that again, besides… " He stopped his cheeks flushing again.

Meg digested his words, her eyes widening.

"Who is she?" she demanded.

"Why does there have to be a she?" he huffed slightly embarrassed; he watched her pale and then blink several times.

"Okaaaaaay… I'm fairly open. I think! Who is he?"

"Megan Kincaid!" He shot straight up in his seat. "I have not started batting for the other team!"

"Then who is she?"

"Erm… why can't it just be you I'm staying for?"

"Because although I know you love me and you would be prepared to stay here for me. I don't think I put a blush on your cheeks." She smiled as he automatically shrugged and found his hands fascinating.

"It's nothing great yet, but it has promise."

"Oh, come on. Are you gonna kill me with the suspense?" she teased him; the thought of her brother actually getting serious over a girl was enough to drag her mind away from her present situation.

"Hillary Hooch," he mumbled into his shirt.

"Hill…. Jack!" Meg's mouth dropped open. "She's got to be at least ten years your senior!" Even as she said it she realised it was a silly thing to say and he wasted no time in pointing that out to her.

"Nine actually, she's forty-one. But since when has that ever made a difference Megan? That was a dumb thing to say, age has nothing to do with it. If we really want to talk age, Snape has a few clocked up on you!"

"Okay, okay, put it down to the potions Poppy keeps pouring down my throat!" She held up her hand.

"She's a great woman…" he said it simply and Meg smiled down at the flowers. "And she's hell on a broomstick! Have you seen that woman fly? WOW! Besides she makes me laugh." He blew his breath out, his fringe blowing up slightly

"Don't think I could ever accuse Severus of that." She grinned at him, he was clearly entranced.

"Meg, what do you see in him?" he asked her quietly, genuinely worried now.

"He's unique. He has a side to him that completely belies what he shows everyone else. I know he's done some things that must be pretty horrific, but then people make mistakes. He's paid for his mistakes. Still is I think," she spoke quietly, staring down at the posy. "He's loyal, intelligent, brave, kind and gentle…"

"Forgive me for snorting in disbelief," Jack added quickly.

"He is Jack; to me anyway, I know he doesn't look it. He can be scary but I have to say he doesn't scare me. He did, before I realised it was all an act. When I first met him I couldn't stand him. He treated his students so badly; still does and I still hate it. But he has his reasons… and as Dean pointed out to me once; his classes has the highest pass percent every year."

"It's not an act, Megan!" He rubbed a finger down his nose. "I have first hand knowledge of that."

"You must have pushed him, what did you say?"

"Well… nothing he hasn't heard before," he hedged, avoiding her eyes.

"What did you say to him?"

"I was annoyed he'd told you that Rider hadn't been caught. I may have hinted, slightly, about his previous… erm… well, that he was a Death Eater."

"Oh Jack!" she sighed, twirling the posy in her fingers. "It makes no difference to me, honestly!"

"Why not, Meg? It's pretty serious stuff. They weren't the fluffy bunny brigade!"

"I know that!" she snapped. "I don't know why he joined Voldemort, he must have had his reasons; but he didn't stay bad, didn't stay evil. Albus, told you what he did?"

"Most of it…" he allowed. "But even so, doesn't it frighten you that he has that in him, that he has the ability to cause others pain and suffering."

"Everyone has that, Jack. Severus isn't the sole share holder on those feelings. If Dean were to walk in here now, would you shake his hand?"

"Of course not, I'd beat the bloody living daylights out of him!" He shook his head "But that's different, Rider hurt you, Snape hurt people he didn't even know; people who had never done him or his family wrong."

"Maybe, maybe not; I don't know what he did as a Death Eater and frankly I don't ever need to know. All I know is that he changed. He even went someway to atoning for those sins when he put his own life at risk to bring Voldemort down. Everyone deserves a second chance."

"Humph! He'd just better watch his back if he even so much as lays a accidental bruise on you!"

"Relax, oh protective brother of mine and tell me how you're gonna plot the downfall of Hillary Hooch. Bearing in mind, she's my friend and I don't want you to hurt her."

"Subtly," he smirked.

"What you? You're as subtle as a bull in a china shop!"

"I can be subtle if I choose," he huffed, mock offended. "Besides, I don't want to talk about it with you, that's kind of wrong on lots of levels. Wanna play a game of cards? Poker? Need any excess money removing?"

"As if Kincaid! Are you able to get to your volt easily enough?" she snorted, her spirits lifted slightly, he was familiar and easy-going. He was Jack and she loved him.

"Sister, sister! How many times do I have to strip the shirt from your back to make you realise you just cannot beat a master!" He drew a pack of cards from his jeans pocket and began to deal after shuffling them.

"A master cheater, y'mean!" Hhe picked up her cards and fanned them out.

"How much you got then, maggot?"

"Have a look in the drawer." She nodded at the cabinet beside them.

He opened the drawer and searched through before sighing, suddenly serious.

"Meg, have you ever been short of money?"

"No, I've had enough, so stop stalling!" She had a good hand and was itching to get him back for all the times he'd beaten her.

"Hum!" He drew out a bag. "It'll have to be for these, you've got nothing in there!" He tipped out the bag of raisins and laughed at her face; his mission had been accomplished, get her mind off things and make her relax.

"I can't loose them!" she wailed.

"S'alright! I'm feeling generous, anything you loose I'll eat for you!"

"Pig!" she cried.

"Maggot!"

"Rodent teeth!"

"Madam Stuff!"

"Oh! Long haired lout!" she floundered for insults.

"That doesn't work any more! Snape's hair?" he tutted at her and leant over to kiss her cheek suddenly.

"I am so glad you were wrong," he muttered into her hair.

"So am I," she whispered. "And I'm glad you're staying. I missed you."

* * *

Meg moved back to her rooms the following day.

She was glad to be back in peace, glad that Poppy couldn't pop in every few minutes. She hadn't seen anyone since Jack and Poppy had brought her down here in the morning. Classes were on and she knew Remus and Snape were both teaching.

She was supposed to be working on Remus' potion, trying to help Snape find a way of easing the physically draining aspect of the present potion. But her mind wouldn't work. And later on in the afternoon she still had got no further than placing the parchment and quill in front of her. Her door opened after a brief knock and Snape came in.

"Have you managed to list the possible alternatives yet for the…." He stopped as he saw the blank parchment.

"Erm…" she blinked and looked up at him. "Sorry, miles away." She gave him a watery smile.

"Megan, we need to talk, when are you expecting your brother?"

Meg looked at his suddenly serious face and shrugged.

"I don't know. He just turns up when he's ready. He was going into Hogsmede to do some photography… so…" she trailed off under his stern gaze.

He frowned and half turning used his wand to lock the door.

He took the chair from the other side of the desk and drew it towards her.

"Severus?"

He turned it to face outwards and straddled it. He reached into his pocket and drew something out.

"This is for you." He held out a small box. "I was going to give it to you on Valentine's day; but you were still unconscious." He shifted uncomfortably. "It was meant for your birthday."

Meg took the box and opened it; a smile tilted her lips as she saw the tiny gold badger charm nestled on the silk cloth.

"It's beautiful. Thank you!" She handed the box back and held out her wrist with the bracelet.

He took the badger out and carefully clipped it on to the bracelet next to the snake.

"I'm glad you like it." He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of her hand before turning it palm up and kissing her palm gently; his eyes never leaving hers.

He heard her intake of breath and keeping firm hold of her hand, laid it on the back of the chair, covering it with his.

"Megan, I've lain awake for the last two nights trying to work out what to say to you."

Meg bit her lip and tried to draw her hand away, but he wouldn't let it go.

"Do you hate me?" Meg whispered the words so quietly, he almost missed them.

"I could never hate you."

"But I made such a mess of things," she whispered keeping her eyes on their clasped hands.

"Yes, you did," he replied "But you aren't the first and you won't be the last Megan, it seems to me that getting things wrong is inherent with humanity. I, of all, people know that."

"But…" she stopped and bit her lip.

"But what? I want to know what you are thinking Megan; I want to know what you're feeling. Please tell me."

She looked up at him and reached out her other hand to trace his jaw line with her fingers.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"When?"

"When I woke up? All the times you sat with me…"

He sighed and caught her hand in his free one. He clasped both her hands in his and held them tightly.

"I wanted you to get better without having any further pressure on you."

"What pressure?"

"Megan…" he stopped and letting go of her hands caught her face gently.

"I love you," he spoke the words so quietly, Meg was certain she'd misheard.

"Huh?" It sounded dumb even to her and she saw the slight wince that passed his face.

"I love you, Megan, I have done for awhile."

"Love me?" she echoed, her face looking slightly spaced out.

"With all of what little heart still remains in me," he replied and leaning forward kissed her lips softly.

"But… I… you can't love me!" She pulled back from him, it just wasn't sinking in.

"Why not?" he asked his face was completely unguarded.

"You told me you couldn't love…" That sounded wrong and she knew it.

"I love you, Megan, believe it, I knew it a long time ago, but I didn't admit it. But when I realised you'd gone to find Dean and then when I saw the window open in the tower room, I knew I loved you more than anything. Knew that if you died I would die with you. I would die for you."

Tears slid down Meg's face as his words sank in. He was so completely open, his eyes showing her the truth, his face soft, no sneer or passiveness present.

"You love me that much?" she whispered.

"More."

Meg sank forwards, her arms going around his neck.

"I love you too," she wailed beginning to sob into his frock coat collar.

He slid his hands into her hair, careful not to press her against the chair back.

"I thought you hated me for being such an idiot," she sobbed into his neck.

"I will never, never hate you. But I still don't understand why you couldn't tell me what was happening to you."

Meg sighed and still clinging to him wiped her runny nose on the back of her hand.

"Megan, please, I may love you, but please, use my handkerchief not your hand," he shuddered and moved slightly to offer her his handkerchief.

"Thank you." She hic-cupped and sitting back blew her nose.

She dabbed at her red nose and sighed, so many emotions tangled together.

"I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was scared."

"Of me?" he asked his voice slightly strangled.

"No! Oh no!" She shook her head and winced as the sudden movement sent a wave of pain through her face. He shook his head slowly, she was in pain.

"It's enough to know you love me still. Rest, we can talk later." He sat back from her.

"No… I want to tell you now." She twisted the soggy handkerchief in her fingers.

He nodded and standing he moved to stoop over her. He slid one hand under her thighs and the other hand under her shoulders.

He picked her up and raised his eyebrows as he walked into her bedroom.

"You've lost weight. That won't do!" he muttered as he settled them both onto the bed, infinitely careful not to hurt her.

He wrapped her into his arms and resting his head on top of hers kissed her gently.

"Now tell me," he said softly.

"I didn't think you cuddled," Meg muttered, her hands resting on his arms.

"Only you," he smirked into her hair.

"You don't think I trust you do you?" she spoke the words carefully.

He remained silent for awhile and then when he made no move to answer she continued. His silence the only answer she needed.

"I do, y'know. But it wasn't a matter of trust, Severus. Jack said I was selfish and I suppose in a way he was right. I didn't want anyone to see me in the state I thought I'd end up in. My mum…" She stopped and felt his hand begin to stroke her hair soothingly. She drew in a breath, his touch easing her into him gently.

"Not even Jack saw her at her worst. It was… horrible. She was just a shell of the woman she once was. She completely lost herself. She was unable to look after herself in any way. She very often didn't know who we were. I would have to go in and dress her for the day and each day she'd yell obscenities at me, pull my hair when I tried to do up her shoelaces. It was hard. And I hated the way it made me feel. Hated the way Jack had gone and left us there, hated the fact that I wanted to get away. And I hated myself for feeling that way. Hated myself for the way I felt about her. I didn't want you or Jack to see me like that, didn't want to let myself get to that stage. But if I'm honest for a long time I was denying anything was wrong. If I told you what was happening it would have made it real. I would have had to face it. I was certain you'd go and see Albus and then I'd be carted off to St, Mungo's."

"I wouldn't have let you go anywhere."

"You would have had no choice." She stroked his arm gently.

"Rider was clever. I suppose he knew how your mother died."

"I don't know…" she faded out, unwilling to think about it any longer. "Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"You don't have to be sorry," she said slowly.

"Yes, I do. I promised you I wouldn't let him hurt you. I failed in that. I should have seen what he was doing."

"But I didn't tell you what was happening."

"I've used Obliviate. I've manipulated people before. I should have seen the signs."

"There were no signs."

"There was," he disagreed softly. "You were backing away from me, closing up, not sleeping. And I put it down to over work."

"He was clever."

"I underestimated him. The number of things that should have pointed it out to me… your use of stupify and his comments to me."

"He will be caught won't he?" she asked suddenly shivering in his arms.

"I won't let anything happen to you again, Megan."

"You can't promise me that Severus, it's not fair on you."

"Pardon?" he was frowning into her hair.

"It's like promising me the moon. It's not yours to give. You can't protect me twenty four hours a day. It's not possible. It's enough to know you mean it and I thank you for that."

"Megan." He took a deep breath and buried his face in her hair, his mouth close to her ear. "I would follow you to hell and back to keep you safe."

She turned her head, her lips searching for his blindly.

His arms tighten around her as their mouth met in a fusion of love and gentle passion.

"I love you so very much," she muttered into his mouth. "make love to me please?"

"I love you but I won't make love to you, Megan. You're not physically ready; I would do far more damage than good."

"But I love you…"

"There will be time enough in the future for that."

"You don't mind waiting…"

He looked down at her and frowned.

"You still don't understand do you? I love you Megan, you, your mind, your soul, your body. All of you. If I have to wait for ten years I will. If I can never touch you again it will make no difference. Just being able to be with you is enough."

More tears slid down her face at his words.

"I was wrong, y'know.." She smiled through her tears. "I told you once you couldn't talk unless you were saying something nasty or talking about potions… I was very wrong."

She reached up again and brought his face down to hers.

A big part of her soul healed.

A/N: The reason I'm not posting in one long chapter is because of the type of internet connection I have. I didn't want to loose half of it in the telephone lines somewhere!

Hope you enjoyed it okay and I haven't been too long-winded as usual. ;-)

Dean is caught by the way I haven't forgotten him. It's just Meg had to deal with Jack and Severus first although, having said that, she's still gonna have problems!

There'll be one last chapter and then most definitely an epilogue! I love epilogues!

Anyway thank you very much for reading and staying with me… and thank you for your lovely reviews! It means a lot to me!


	22. Together

Updated March 2008

Usual Disclaimer.

_We always said that we would listen_

_And never hide what's on our minds_

_But, tonight it feels like something's missing_

_Is there a ghost that hides, in the world behind your eyes?_

_What's raging in you tonight?_

_It's hard to tell_

_When you're out of reach_

_And I can't help you 'til you tell me everything_

_It's only words_

_And words don't bleed_

_They can hurt you if you hold them in, so_

_Tell me Everything_

_Blake Shelton_

He wouldn't fail this time. His plan would be flawless, executed perfectly and with the desired result.

He wouldn't under-estimate any of them. And now he knew all the players in the game; little brother Jack had come to play as well.

Dean sat in the chair, his eyes staring blankly at the wall ahead of him.

He'd make her pay this time, and if he were very careful, her last moments would be filed with more mental pain than she could ever imagine.

A smile curled his lips slightly. Oh he'd give anything to see that look on her face, just before death called on her, just as she realised who had killed her.

"What'll it be Sir?" came a voice from beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts. He felt a wave of anger go through him at the interruption. He schooled his thoughts and face before looking up at the waiter.

"Just your special of the day and a double Bell's."

The waiter nodded and moved away back to the bar to give the order in.

Dean spread his hands out on the table in front of him.

They looked every inch what they were supposed to; hands of an eighty year old man.

His body was bent with age and his hair was grey and long, his face wrinkled and sagged, even his eyes were dimmed with age. There wasn't a single thing about his appearance that could give him away. He was here, in Hogsmede, testing out his disguise.

He knew there were ministry agents there, looking for him, even looking for someone who was a stranger.

They wouldn't be looking for one of Hogsmede own people. Old Man Johnson.

Dean had chosen carefully, Old Man Johnson was a semi-recluse, only coming here for a weekly meal. He'd done his homework well. He knew exactly what the old man asked for each week, knew where he sat. And he kept to those things.

He hadn't even been given a second look after the bartender had jerked his thumb in his direction and told the men who he was.

A hint of a smile curled his limp lips before he squashed it.

The real Old Man Johnson, now lay tied to his bed, under heavy spells as Dean used Polyjuice potion to project the correct image.

The old man would have to die. Dean couldn't use this body to get into Hogwarts and he couldn't chance 'Old Man Johnson' talking.

He shrugged his shoulders and waited for his tea, a slight shake in his shoulders and hands keeping up the pretence.

One for the cause couldn't be helped. Everyone was a means to an end in Dean's game.

* * *

Snape watched him closely before stepping up to him and leaning over slightly he spoke quietly, his voice dripping icy sarcasm.

"Is there a reason why you've just added the newts eyes before the toad skin, Longbottom or do you think that listening to instructions is of no importance?"

Neville jumped and blinked down at his cauldron, the potion bubbling merrily, a deep pink instead of the black it should be.

"Um…" Neville flushed dark red and shifted painfully on his feet.

"Sit down, Longbottom," Snape barked. "I have absolutely no idea why you even bother to try and catch up now."

Hermione Granger was seething, and he knew it and it amused him no end.

"Careful Miss Granger, you have smoke coming from your ears," he smirked as he passed her. "Wouldn't want it to be permanent, doesn't really go with your hair."

He heard the choking noise she made and still smirking he went back to the front of the classroom. He went to his desk and sat down.

"I have no doubt that you've all had a simply wonderful time with Professor Kincaid. But she isn't teaching you now, I am." His smirk was cold and dark as his gaze swept around the class.

"As such. I don't want to see how incredible stupid you all are, as I already know. I want three feet of parchment on why this potion is better than a charm to neutralise negative energy; by Monday! Mr. Longbottom you will remain behind, the rest of you get out!"

The class almost ran from the room, several of them patting Neville reassuringly, several of the Slytherins sniggering.

Snape waited till the door shut behind the last student before looking down at Neville, who was sitting, his face extremely pale.

"Mr. Longbottom, I do not believe you should be here."

Neville scraped the chair back, fury and humiliation evident on his face, as well as pain.

"I know! I know," he grated, his teeth gritted in pain. "Just a bloody squib…." He turned his head away and used packing his bag as a way to hide the tears in his eyes.

"Squib?" Snape's eyebrows shot up. "What would make you come up with that term? And watch your language." He had not been expecting Neville to react at all, but now he had he was intrigued and more than curious.

Neville stuffed book and parchments away without caring or really seeing, as the tears blurred his vision.

"It's what you think, what you all think," he mumbled, some of the initial fire leaving him as he remembered who it was he'd just spoken back to.

"Mr. Longbottom, have you been testing your potion? Are you in need of the infirmary, because you seem to be slightly delirious?"

Neville slammed his bag down, his fear of the potion master was legendary, but even timid people have their limits. Everyone can be pushed to those limits. Everyone had a line that could be crossed. And Snape had just crossed Neville's.

"I may have trouble remembering things. I may have trouble making potions. But I am not stupid. I may not be a great wizard, I may not even be a good one, but I am not stupid. I know what you think of me, what you all think of me. I wish that I'd never set foot in this school. Every year I start out meaning to do well; make a fresh start, turn over the proverbial leaf, but the problem is, both sides are the same for me. If I could, I'd leave this school, now, and never come back. I'm fed up trying to live up to other people ideas of what I should be capable of. I'm fed up trying to be what I am not. I am not a wizard. I may not be a squib either; he said that Dumbledore put up with me here because he was kind. That's probably true, but it would have been kinder to let me go to a muggle school and find something I can be good at."

Snape stood up in one fluid movement, his face set and unreadable. He came down towards where Neville was now watching him, uncertain if he'd be struck or shouted at or both.

"Who told you that you were a squib?" Snape stood, straight backed over him, his arms folded, his eyes dark and intense.

"He…Professor Rider…" Neville tried to clear his throat, but it sounded more like Trevor croaking; his sudden burst of confidence deserting him.

"Dean Rider is clearly insane on more than one count." He narrowed his eyes and Neville saw anger there; it made him shiver.

"Make no mistake, Mr. Longbottom, I don't think I've ever come across anyone as inept at potions as you are; and your work in the Defence against Dark Arts does leave a lot to be desired," he enunciated every word slowly; his voice so deep and dark that Neville was rooted to the spot, just by the intensity of his voice.

"You will never be a great wizard on that you are quite correct. You may be a good one; that still remains to be seen. As for attending a muggle school, I cannot agree with you there. You are not a squib and as such, the magic, be it little that does reside in you would have found ways to release itself and undoubtedly you would have been even more dangerous than you already are. Rider was trying to insult you, undermine your confidence and it would appear to have worked in one respect and not in another. Believe that you have magic in you. Your cushioning charm is enough to dispel any other notion you may have about your abilities. Along with the catching charms you helped to save Professor Kincaid's life. That isn't to be taken lightly, Mr. Longbottom, that in itself should be enough for you to see you are no squib."

Neville couldn't break eye contact with Snape. He was riveted to the intense black eyes drilling into his soul. But for probably the first time in his life, he saw no sneer on Snape's face, no contempt in his eyes.

"Professor Sprout informed me last night that you have been offered the chance to assist her next year, does this interest you?"

"Yes," Neville nodded and swallowed convulsively.

"Then walking out of here and not coming back is not a wise choice is it, Mr. Longbottom?"

"N..N…No." He shook his head.

"It would appear that the sorting hat did not make the mistake I assumed it had six years ago. You were sorted correctly, Mr. Longbottom. In this last year you have found some of your backbone. Don't loose it again, because one person chose to insult you in a way he knew could be affective. Don't allow him to win that round, Mr. Longbottom. You may go."

Neville was speechless; he stumbled to his feet, wincing as pain shot through his newly mended legs.

"Oh and Mr. Longbottom the reason I informed you that you should not be here is because you are apparently still in some considerable pain. Go to the infirmary and inform Madam Pomfrey I have sent you." Snape crossed to stand behind Neville. He reached forward and opened the door for him, bending slightly so that his mouth was close to Neville's ear.

"You may not be a great wizard, but you are a good person, and that is far more important. And if you repeat anything I have said to you, you won't live to assist Professor Sprout. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Neville gaped in sheer astonishment as Snape laid his hand briefly on Neville's shoulder before nudging him gently out the door and then shutting it behind him, a small smirk on his face.

He would be eternally grateful that Meg hadn't witnessed that scene; she'd never let it go.

* * *

Meg sat beside the window, her hands folded on the sill, her chin resting on them as she bent forward to gaze out over the grounds.

She was watching the students milling around on the lawns, taking advantage of the sun. She wished she were out there, in the fresh air; instead of cooped up here in her rooms, unable to stumble further than her bed and bathroom.

Her wounds and breaks had healed very well, but her strength was non-existent. Simply getting dressed in the mornings took a lot of effort and had it not been for Jack nagging her and Snape pointing out that Remus and others would like to see her she wouldn't have bothered.

The dreams had stopped, thanks to the potion Snape gave her every night. But he had told her yesterday that he would no longer be able to give it to her. She hadn't argued. She knew why. But it had stilled filled her with a desperation that almost had her begging him.

He had told her that he wouldn't leave her alone. That he would be beside her, holding her. But it had made no difference. Even though she had lain in his arms her nightmares had returned; changed, but even more horrific.

She closed her eyes, the images of her dream burnt into her brain.

She had seen Neville and inexplicably Snape too, lying lifeless alongside Sarah. Then the scene had changed and she was standing in front of the Mirror of Erised. The reflections were vague milky white with no definite form. Dean had been stood behind her, whispering in her ear, telling her she would never know what he'd done to her, never know what she had done. Never be able to fill in the blanks within her memory. Then it had changed again and she was in court, her hands tied together and every face in the court was Dean's.

He was the judge, the prosecutor and even her defence. He was the policeman that stood at her side. He was the victim sitting beside the prosecutor. And all of them were shouting at her, blaming her, telling her she would never be free from her guilt. Never. That the only payment she could give would be her death.

No matter how much she tried to convince them she hadn't meant anyone to die, how she had never meant for anyone to suffer, they refused to listen and continued blaming her until she was so confused that she couldn't think straight at all.

In one form or another she was guilty and always would be.

And even when Severus had woken her and held her tightly while she had clung to him, her eyes dry; even when reality had settled over her, she still knew she was guilty.

Snape stood unseen in the doorway. He had knocked and stepped in, but she hadn't heard him; sitting at the window, resting her head on her hands.

He frowned and side stepped to get a clearer view of her face. Her eyes were closed and he thought at first she was asleep, but her breathing gave her away to him. It was too shallow, too stilted.

He crossed to stand beside her; he could almost see the internal battle she was fighting as her face showed her thoughts to him clearly.

"Megan," he spoke her name softly, watching her jump slightly. Her eyes flew open and she sat up, a false smile plastered on her face.

"Hey!" She sat back, looking back out over the grounds.

"It looks warmer out there now," she mentioned casually, nothing in her voice or face giving away her earlier thoughts.

"It's deceiving."

He sat down beside her on the window seat, his back to the window.

He crossed his knees and drawing out his wand locked the door.

Her head flicked round and she stared at him in surprise.

"What are you doing?" she asked no fear in her voice or her face.

He turned to look at her, his black eyes searching hers, but still he found no fear there.

"You confuse me," he said simply.

"Why?" she half grinned at him, certainly not expecting that from him.

"How do you know I'm not here to kill you? Or rape you. How do you know I haven't locked the door to hit you?"

"What?" A frown appeared between her eyes as she digested his words, but still no fear showed on her face.

He drew his eyebrows together in a dark frown and all but glared at her.

"You're not in the least bit uneasy that I have locked the door."

"You don't frighten me." She was confused now. "Are you trying to?"

"No." He shook his head a greasy strand of hair plastered to his cheek.

He swiped it away impatiently and stood up suddenly to cross to the door. He cast another spell on it and turned back again.

"Now are you afraid? No one else in this castle could get through that door now."

"Severus, what are you doing?"

"Trying to prove something to myself," he muttered and using his wands he threw a binding spell at her.

Her eyes flew wide as she tried to move, but couldn't.

"Severus!" She was getting angry with him now.

"I have you unable to move, unable to defend yourself. The door is impossible to open, so no one can get in and save you no matter how hard you screamed, yet you are still not afraid. Why not?"

"Well… I know you wouldn't hurt me." Her heart began to beat faster all the same.

"How do you know I won't hurt you? Because I haven't in the past?"

"I trust you," she said it slowly, confusion in every line of her face.

"Really?" He sneered at her and with two flicks of his wand the door was unlocked and she was free to move again.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" She demanded, unsettled with him now.

"Proving that you have no idea what trust means."

"Pardon?"

"You trust that I won't physically hurt you, but you don't trust me with your concerns, your worries."

"We've been through this," she sighed; suddenly weary now she realised where he was headed.

"I thought we had too. I was aware it wasn't much of an excuse at the time but I was willing to let it go. Willing to let you believe it even. But you still will not trust me and if we want this relationship to last, trust is essential." He took a deep breath. "I want you to answer me honestly, why don't you trust me?"

"I do…"

"Stop!" he grated. "You won't tell me so I'll have to guess. Just nod when I hit the right answer.." His tone was sarcastic and cold now.

"Death Eater." He spoke two words that had her flinching

"I told you that it doesn't matter to me," she cried.

"And you really want to believe that, but deep down you can't. And I shouldn't be surprised by that at all," he sighed and crossed to sit in the chair by the fire.

"I told you I would never tell you but I see now that perhaps it was a little short sighted of me." He brought his hands together under his chin and regarded her face closely.

"You don't have to tell me anything," she started, her voice cracking slightly.

"I know I don't," he returned. "But if I don't and you don't talk to me, neither of us truly trusts the other."

She got up and slowly, cursing her weakness, crossed to the chair opposite it, sinking into it thankfully.

"I'm listening," she whispered.

"As will I," he replied softly and standing he slipped out of his robes and laying them over the back of the chair he sat back down.

"I have one younger sister, Odile. She is married with two children and living in Germany somewhere; I do not know where and neither do I care to know. I come from a long line of pureblood wizards whose one aim was to keep the bloodline pure. My father believed in discipline and training. He was a hard man. My mother died when I was 10, just after Odile was born. I wasn't inundated with love and affection like you were. In fact he was a firm believer in the old adage, spare the rod, spoil the child. It didn't trouble me. I have never been a tactile person and it is in no way an excuse for the course I choose to take. People have come from worse environments than mine and have chosen to stay on the right path. Odile probably suffered more than I did, being female and without a mother, but we were never close; probably because of the age cap, but she was always a real Snape and I learned from her first talking words to watch her. My one love had always been knowledge. Knowledge is power. I was sorted into Slytherin as you are aware. It suited me. No silly and petty shows of friendship, no false smiles and hugs. Just acceptance and loyalty, loyalty that would rival your own house. But our loyalty, unlike Hufflepuff, lay below the surface. I was settled, happy even. I discovered the restricted section in the library and continued to discover the dark arts. I already had an extensive knowledge thanks to my fathers library. I knew more dark magic than anyone in my year and indeed most of the seventh years. The Dark Arts held a fascination for me that called to the darker parts of my soul. I was young and ignorant enough to assume I could control the effects that kind of knowledge would have on me. I couldn't. I was ripe for the picking by the likes of Malfoy and Voldemort and I have to admit, the thoughts of 'lording' it over Potter, Black and their sanctimonious friends held a good deal of appeal too." He pushed up his left sleeve and held out his arm to her, the mark faded but still visible.

"This was part of my reward for arrogance and ignorance. The other part of my reward is harder to bear. It's what makes me the way I am. What makes me retreat from humanity. The knowledge that a part of me is less than human. That I have done and seen things that will forever torment my dreams. Things that no matter how long I live; I will always be atoning for. I have killed, either by a number of potions that I brewed or by my own hand. I attended Dark Revels and participated in them, I never raped though; I never had to. There were always women who were willing to 'service' the Dark Lords servants. I participated in Muggle Baiting and other 'sports'. It didn't take me long to realise the error of my judgement. In all the darkness that filled me it turned out I did have a conscience, albeit a small one. It took a horrific event that I will not speak about to finally convince me to leave his service. But leaving his service is not a choice unless you are dead. I came here, to Albus, expecting to be sent straight to Azkaban, where I deserved to be. But he showed me mercy, a mercy that I hadn't expected, a mercy that I didn't deserve. He worked hard on my behalf, very hard. I had a choice, sort of, either risk a trial or continue to serve Voldemort in a spying capacity. I had little choice and to be honest I knew that I deserved much less mercy than was being shown to me. I thought I could make up for my sins by spying and gathering as much information that I could. I had to keep up a pretence, nothing could appear to have changed. I found parts of it hard to pretend, others I slipped back into very easily. I continued to spy for Albus right up to Voldemort was defeated, even then I kept up a disguise. The ministry being as short-sighted as it is, thought Voldemort had been defeated, but Albus wasn't convinced and neither was I. It was easy to keep up pretences of the evil cold-hearted bastard, because essentially that is what I am. The rest is public history." He sat back, his fingers laced under his chin as he rested his elbows on the chair arms. His face was closed again, his eyes black and bottomless. No emotion reflected in their depths.

"You put yourself at risk, risked your life to go back to him. If it hadn't been for the information you collected he would never have been destroyed."

"Defeated, he was defeated not destroyed." Snape reminded her slowly. "But that changes nothing."

"It changes everything, and even if, and I don't believe this for one minute, even if it didn't completely absolve you. You aren't like that any more. You're not the same person you were."

"Aren't I?" he sneered slightly and rolled his sleeve back down. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because in all of this you forgot one thing; you've let me see you, the real you. And I love you; completely."

"But you still don't trust me."

"I do… what do I have to do to prove that to you?"

"Tell me everything, don't keep anything in."

"Is this why you think I don't trust you? Because I don't tell you everything that goes through my mind?" she spoke quietly, her eyes held by his darker ones.

"Don't be obtuse," he snapped. "Don't hide behind stupidity. I know you better than that. Please give me some credit; even if it is to tell me to go."

"I don't want you to go; but I don't know what to say," she admitted finally.

"Tell me what you feel," he suggested quietly. "You've told me facts, never feelings. Even the night I held you in my arms, and you told me why you hadn't told me about your blackouts, you told me the barest details."

"I.." She frowned down at her hands curled into fists.

She licked her lips and shook her head helplessly.

"I have as much time as it takes. Start at the beginning and just talk."

"I don't know if I can," she admitted haltingly.

"Why not?"

"I've never had anyone to talk to before. You and me, we're not that different, Severus. We both shut people out."

"My reason for shutting people out bear no resemblance to yours whatsoever," he corrected her. "I committed murder, you did not."

She shrugged and clasping her hands together forced herself to start speaking.

"After… After Sarah died, it was hard, very hard. I caught pneumonia from the icy water so I didn't go to her funeral, not that I would have been welcomed. When I had recovered I went straight into training to be a teacher. My father refused me dreamless sleep potions, even though I had terrible nightmares. He knew that I would either become dependant or they would loose their effect. But he was always willing to listen to me, so was mum. But I couldn't. I was worried that if I started to feel I'd never stop feeling and I'd drown too. So I threw myself into working, refusing to think about it. Eventually exhaustion won over the nightmares and time passed. It's funny how it does pass. One minute I felt as if I were drowning and would never break surface and then suddenly I'd turn around and it was three years ago, four years ago then nine years ago. But it doesn't matter how much time passes, it doesn't change the fact that Sarah will never have the things I have. I pushed people away; I suppose it was a way of punishing myself. She couldn't make friends or fall in love, so I wouldn't. Time fades pain and I suppose after a while it became more a habit, a wall that I'd built that I was quite comfortable behind. And then mum became ill and it became harder. I found myself resenting her, resenting Jack. Looking back on it I see that Jack was right, a big portion of me was wrapped in self-pity. I was unable to see 'outside the box'. But it wasn't just self-pity; it was a feeling of guilt. I've felt guilty about the way I felt over mum, I felt guilty that I could resent her. I felt guilty because Sarah was gone. My whole life was filled with guilt." She stopped and scrubbed her eyes with her fingers, she wasn't crying, she was just very tired.

"You were so young, to have the responsibility of caring for your mother. Did your father carry on working?"

"At first. When we were told it was terminal he took early retirement and we shared her care between us. She had a Jekyl and Hyde character, due to the effect of her illness. One moment she was my loving mum, next she was this nasty stranger screaming abuse at us. It was… hard. I retreated even more I guess."

"I understand your denial, but I don't understand your silence. Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked at him and bit her lip.

"You didn't love me," She whispered. "You had told me you couldn't love me. I didn't want your pity, didn't want you to think you had a responsibility to me in any way."

"I think, if I am truthful, I have loved you for longer than I realised. I should have swallowed my pride and told you sooner, I knew I loved you when I first saw you after you fell on the stairs. I'm not like Black or Lupin. I don't deserve your love. I have no idea how you could love me. But essentially I'm a selfish man and I'm not letting you go again."

"I don't want you to."

"If there is no trust in a relationship it will not last. I don't think you trust me completely. Not yet. Trust doesn't happen overnight. It is earned; and I want to earn yours, Megan. I want you to learn to trust me." His face suddenly closed down and he narrowed his eyes at her before slipping forward in his seat.

"Don't shut me out, Megan. If anything worries you, no matter how small or silly you think it is. Tell me."

He closed his eyes briefly and held out his hand to her. She took it and crossed the small distance to slide onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her gently.

"There is something…" she whispered, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"Tell me."

"I feel… I…" she sighed, struggling to find a way of starting.

He waited, his hands playing small circles on her back.

"I have… gaps in my memory. I don't know what happened," she spoke softly, her fingers scrunching his top coat tightly. Her fingers pressed deeply, almost painfully into his chest, but he paid no heed.

"There were times when I'd find myself in a part of the school and I'd have no memory of getting there. I have no idea what I did… or what…" she stopped and closed her eyes against the rising panic.

"There is no way of retrieving those memories. When he is caught, Veritaserum will make him tell us what happened during those times. Would you want to know?" he asked slowly.

"Yes… he holds it over me. I want to know what I did, what he did."

"Regardless?" he asked. "Be sure that you want to know."

"I have to know." She nodded, her eyes opening as she looked up at him. "Not knowing is worse."

"I will inform Albus in the morning. I see no reason why it can't happen. He will be caught, sooner or later Megan."

"Thank you." She reached up one finger and traced it down his nose, feeling lighter in her mind. He was right, it did help to say things out loud, even if he had no answer to give her, it made her feel safer knowing he knew, knowing he was there and that he loved her.

"While we're on a purging of souls; you told me you'd tell me what you find so fascinating about my nose," he smirked down at her, one hand sliding under her jumper, careful to avoid her still bruised sides.

"It's a wonderful nose!" She smiled, her face reflecting her tiredness. She felt as if she'd gone three rounds with a troll; emotionally she was drained.

"It's big and hooked," he whispered bringing one hand round to stroke her much smaller slightly pointed nose.

"A sign of strength of character," she nodded wisely.

"Who told you that?" he snorted.

"My father; he was a big believer in facial appearance giving away a persons character. Y'know.. no chin equals a weak character. High forehead a sign of intelligence. Small earlobes a sign of a dishonest character." She grinned at him. "I think he made up the big nose strong character thing though. He had one himself."

"I see…." He tweaked her nose gently. "I am a substitute for your father."

"Hardly," she snorted. "He had blonde hair and grey eyes and looked nothing like you. And he didn't have a sarcastic or bullying bone in his body."

"Where does your brother get his colouring from? You are so different." He chose to ignore her last comment

"My mum, she had black hair." She shifted closer and ran her finger down his nose again.

"I have to admit to something though," she blushed furiously

"What?" he asked wearily.

"Someone told me once that a big nose relates to other…er… parts of a man's anatomy." She bit her lip as she looked up at him, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"Megan Kincaid!" He laughed out loud and it took her by surprise. "Who would know what a dirty little mind lies behind that innocent face."

"Not you," she retorted getting redder. "Considering I was referring to the size of your feet!" She grinned mischievously and lifting her head slightly kissed the tip of his nose, before leaning her forehead against his and looking into his black eyes.

"My feet are average considering the size of my nose," he replied softly.

"You are far from average," she whispered her lips brushing against his as she spoke.

He caught the back of her head with his hand and kissed her gently. She rested her hands on his shoulders and deepened the kiss before lifting her head and bringing her hand to his cheek.

"I love you the just the way you are," she whispered.

"The last time you got all serious on me and told me you loved me whatever, you were just about to sail out of my life forever." He frowned slightly. "Do you realise I would have followed you. I wouldn't have let you leave me that way."

"I won't leave you again. It's strange, but when I'm with you I feel as if I've come home."

"You are home. Being together is home," his deep voice trickled over her and seeped into her body, leaving her feeling content.

She was home.

* * *

Meg was sat in her chair, wondering if she would ever be able to curl her legs under her again. At the moment it was too painful even to cross her legs, the thought of bending them under her made her wince.

Snape was shrugging into his Quidditch robes.

"It's Gryffindor verses Slytherin so it won't be long anyway; Gryffindor's take one look at the Bludgers and back off," he snorted, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"Can you blame them? I'm positive Mr. Cudgle is half troll, half giant with a bit of Neanderthal thrown in for bad measure," she retorted.

"Mr. Cudgle is unfortunate in appearance, but I'm not aware of any troll or giant in him."

"Oh? So he's pure Neanderthal then? Perhaps we should sell him to medical science… we could make a fortune!"

"Are you sure you were sorted into Hufflepuff? There's definitely Slytherin in there," he smirked

"Why did they give you this game to referee?" She ignored his last comment. She watched his nimble fingers do up the silver clasps fashioned as coiled serpents.

"Because your Romeo of a brother is off romancing Hillary," he spat, annoyed at having his Saturday afternoon disrupted to referee a game. He'd much rather had spent it reading, here with Meg.

"Really?" she cried out in glee. "Why the sly old dog never told me. Where are they going?"

"I have no idea, nor do I wish to know," he shuddered and lifting his robes, checked his trousers were still tucked inside the black boots he wore.

"Well, can't you nose about a bit? Find out for me? If I could get out of here…."

"No, I will not 'nose about' as you put it," he snorted in annoyance letting his robes drop down again. "I have no interest in anyone else's life except my own and yours."

"Please?"

"No!" He shook his head and his hair flew around his face, his black eyes glittered dangerously at her.

"Please? I'm sooooo out of the loop here it's killing me!" She tried to bat her eyelashes at him.

"Doesn't work!" He shook his head again. "Just makes you look as if you're blind."

She puffed out her breath in disappointment.

"Not even a discreet nose about?" she tried again, her voice soft and wheedling but he just smirked at her.

"I'm quite sure, Megan, that had your brother wished you to know he would have told you. And let's face it; he's hardly going to volunteer any information to me is he?"

Meg groaned and began to rub her thigh, which was aching.

"I wish you two would get over it!"

"I have no problems with your brother." He watched her hand and narrowed his eyes; he crossed to the cupboard by her bed and picked up a small jar.

"Stand up and take your jeans off," he remarked coming to stand in front of her.

"What a thing to say to a lady!" she gasped, standing up and undoing her jeans.

"Lady? What lady?" he snorted.

"This lady!" She slid her jeans down her legs and sat down heavily, the pain making her wince. "I'll do it, you go on or the game will be late."

"So? It'll be late." He unscrewed the lid and placing it on the floor, knelt in front of her and took out some of the ointment and sliding it around his hands, warmed it up before beginning to rub it into her thigh.

The pain reliever began to work almost immediately, helped along by his warm hands. She sank her head back and groaned in relief.

"Leave your jeans off till it sinks in," he remarked, his hands expertly massaging her thigh.

"Yes sir!" She watched his bent head and lifting her hand ran her fingers through his greasy hair.

He sat back on his heels and wiped his hands on his handkerchief.

"What will you do here?" he asked her and she pulled a mischievous face at him.

"I'll just simply pine away without you!" She put the back of her hand on her forehead and swooned slightly. "Be careful out there, my love!"

"You missed your calling all right," he snorted and stood up setting the jar by the table.

"I'll be fine, I got an owl from Nev this morning, saying he wants to come visit me, remember? Seems he can't stand to see the blatant prejudice and biased rulings that a certain referee is known for. Can't think who's he referring to, can you?" she asked sweetly.

"Hillary is biased but it's to be expected, she's a woman and therefore lacks the sound judgement that is natural in men."

He crossed to pick up his broomstick, grinning evilly at the spluttering he could hear behind him.

"You are deluded, aren't you? And is that inherent in all men or just you?" she retorted, an equally wicked grin playing around her own lips.

"Men are delusional in one thing only…."

"The existence of their brain!" she cut him off quickly.

He turned and grinning slyly at her came over to stand over her.

"I'm not the one sitting with my jeans around my ankles." He leaned over and placed his mouth against her ear.

"Jack is taking Hilary to the Moonlight Lodge in Ecclefechan. It's not that far from Gretna Green!" His tongue shot out and he licked her ear before crossing to the door quickly, broomstick in hand.

"Gretna Green?" she shrieked. "Ecclefechan? You knew? What else do you…hey come back here!" She yelled after him as he opened the door and slid out chuckling evilly.

"Severus Snape! I will get you for that!" She all but screamed after him, but all she heard was his soft laughter as he shut the door behind him.

Meg stood up and worked her jeans up her leg, her mind feverishly going over that last information. Surely he wasn't going to marry Hillary, not without telling her! She wanted to be a bridesmaid, he knew that. He wouldn't! They hadn't known each other that long, surely not. Gretna Green was famous for civil marriages for Muggles and it also married magical folk if they so desired, although that wasn't advertised in quite the same manner.

He wouldn't do that to her, would he?

Snape swept away from her rooms, a sadistic grin on his face. That would give her something to sweat over.

Hillary had told him of Jack's plans when she'd asked him to referee the match. She had told him that Jack was taking her to the Moonlight Lodge but he'd added the details of where it was to Meg deliberately. He knew they had no other plans, but it wouldn't hurt Meg to sit and stew for a bit.

Hillary had been a bit unsure at first, no doubt expecting him to rib her for dating a man younger than her. When he'd merely grumbled about loosing his afternoon with Meg, she'd mentioned the age difference. He'd shrugged his shoulders at her and said quite simply.

"It's numbers, Hillary, just numbers."

He started to walk down the stairs to the main entrance when he saw Neville at the bottom. He carried on down, aware Neville hadn't seen him yet.

Snape frowned as he watched Neville. He was stood at the bottom of the step, one foot on it, one foot of it. He seemed to be having some doubt as to whether he should go up.

Snape shook his head at his indecision and decided to shake the boy into deciding.

"Longbottom!" Snape watched the boy jump and giving a sadistic sneer he swept down to him

"Having trouble, Mr. Longbottom? I always find climbing stairs easier if you use both feet," he sneered down at the boy.

"I was… just… I was just…"

"Just what?" Snape frowned darkly at him; he'd reverted to the snivelling wreck again. Shame, the lessons that had followed their talk, Neville had made improvements. He still bungled everything he touched, and Snape still bullied him, but Neville looked at him without shaking, and he didn't stammer anymore.

"I was just going up to see…."

"Yes, yes, I know! Well get on then Longbottom, shame you lost your backbone again!" Snape walked away feeling very disgruntled.

He swept out onto the pitch, the stands full with students eager to see the outcome. He gave Potter an evil glare.

He sneered up at the players, holding the whistle in his fingers.

"Right you lot! Fair game, no completely horrendous fouls," he smirked at Cudgle, "and no showing off, Potter!" He glared at where Harry was hovering just above his head.

He released all the balls and mounting his broomstick kicked off and blew his whistle.

The game started and became as vicious as Snape had thought. He watched several fouls before finally blowing his whistle at Cudgle.

"Don't do that again," he snapped as Cudgle flew past him.

"Sorry sir," he grinned, half his teeth missing.

Snape shuddered and absently thought that Meg had a point.

He flew round towards where Potter and Malfoy had both spotted the snitch and were heading straight for it.

He was aware of the crowds screaming for Potter to catch the snitch. He swerved past the stands glaring at where Weasley was fairly jumping of his seat. Granger wasn't much better and Longbottom and Finnigan were yelling fit to burst their lungs.

Snape sneered and turned back to where Potter was nose-diving.

He stopped in mid-air and whirled the broomstick round again.

"LONGBOTTOM!" He roared as it sank in that unless Longbottom had a twin he was in two places at once; which meant only one thing.

He totally ignored the students and leaning forward slightly, raced through the air back towards the school.

Deathly silence filed the stands as the crowd watched the referee desert the game.

"Has he totally lost it?" Weasley muttered.

Snape was intent on one thing only, the Quidditch game forgotten; all he could see was Megan.

He skidded to a stop at the school entrance and abandoning his broomstick at the door, he ran inside and drawing out his wand, took the steps at top speed. Cold dread filled him.

He reached the door to her room and stopped, he willed his breathing under control and keeping deathly quiet, he cast a magnifying spell. But he could hear no noise from inside.

He opened the door slowly, his wand held up. He pushed the door open completely and stopped in shock.

Meg was slumped against her desk, her hands shaking as she pointed her wand down at where Neville lay on his face on the floor.

She looked up as Snape opened the door. Her eyes haunted and frightened.

"I've killed him, Severus," she whispered, and began to shake harder. "I killed Neville; he tried to kill me, why would he kill me, Severus? I never meant for him to get hurt!" She dropped her wand in horror at her actions.

"It's not Longbottom." Snape recovered and stepped forward towards Meg anxious to get to her. "What did you hit him with?"

"This…" She held out the paperweight in her other hand; blood covering one side of it.

Meg stared down at the figure that looked like Neville and realisation sank in.

"Dean?" she hissed, her body beginning to shake. Snape saw him move, jerk, and his hand came up, the wand pointed directly at Meg.

He re-acted instantly, his foot shot out, the steel-capped toe connecting savagely with Dean's wrist. The wand spun out of Dean's hand and went sliding away. Dean gave a groan of pain as his wrist bone broke on impact.

Snape cast a strong binding spell over Rider and went quickly to Meg. He took the paperweight from her icy fingers and gathered her into his arms.

"It's over, Megan."

She buried her face in his chest.

"He came in and he was just like Neville. But after a while he started going on about how he'd found out all about Sarah and that it was my fault that he'd almost got killed. He slapped me and called me a whore. He shouted at me, yelling over and over about Sarah and you and how I'd lost Dean his job. I crossed to the desk trying to make him calm down, but he just hit me again and then he pulled out his wand and started yelling about how I should die. I got scared and picked up the paperweight and I just hit him, I didn't mean to kill him. Just stop him…"

"He isn't dead and it isn't Neville. It's Dean Rider; he's used Polyjuice potion I think."

"I thought I'd killed Neville," she muttered and he felt her body go limp as she fainted.

* * *

Meg sat in the chair, her eyes dark with pain as she stared into the fire. She had sat here with Minerva, not talking now for nearly two hours.

Albus, Snape and Remus were in the Headmasters office with Dean, still looking like Neville. Snape had told her it would take several hours for the effects to wear of completely.

The door opened and Minerva looked up quickly. Meg couldn't drag her gaze from the flickering fire in the grate.

"Severus!" Minerva watched the younger man cross to Meg.

"Would you leave us please?" he asked Minerva, his eyes not leaving Meg's face.

Minerva stood up and left sending a last glance across at where Meg still sat staring into the fire.

Snape stood directly in front of her and crouched down till he was squatting. His eyes level with hers; he broke her gaze and watched as she focussed on him.

"It's over, Megan, Bennett and Boyle has taken him away." He reached out and took her hands in his. They were icy cold; he placed them together and began to rub them gently. "He won't ever be able to touch you again. He'll be sent to Azkaban."

Meg shivered and her eyes dropped to the top button of his frock coat.

"He told us everything he did to you," he spoke quietly and he saw uneasiness flicker over her face. He knew what still lay unspoken, knew what she had hinted at.

"He confessed to hitting you, kicking you, causing pain and twisting things to make you doubt your sanity. He used several curses on you, but he never touched you in any other way. He didn't rape you, Megan."

He watched her shoulders sag first and then her whole body seemed to melt as relief washed over her.

"I was so scared he had. All the times I'd loose an hour and not know what I'd done." Her eyes locked with his as she raised her head slightly.

"He was trying to get you to loose your mind, Megan. He had it all planned, it had been planned a long time ago. He knew how your mother died and he used that."

"Do you think I was a coward for backing out of listening to him?" she whispered it softly, but he heard her.

"No." He let go of her hands to cup her face as he knelt in front of her. "You are not a coward; even I found it un-nerving hearing those words come from him when he still looks like Longbottom."

"I feel so…" She stopped biting her lip, as her eyes slid to the top button of his waistcoat, the black tie covering most of the white shirt beneath the waistcoat.

"Tell me how you feel?"

"Guilty." She sat back in the seat, his hands dropping to her knees. He curled his fingers around her knees and sat back on his heels.

"Why?"

"I'm responsible for everything," she said quietly. "It's all my fault; everything. Neville could have died and it would have been my fault. For every action there is a reaction."

"Rider is the only one responsible here, Megan. You have nothing to blame yourself about."

"But I have, don't you see? If I hadn't gone out that day, if I hadn't made Sarah step onto the ice, none of this would have happened!" She ran her fingers through her hair, gripping tightly to the strands and tugging slightly.

"'If onlys' won't help Megan. We can all say if only I hadn't done this, or done that. It doesn't help. Besides Rider was unbalanced along time before Sarah died."

"No, he wasn't; he was just a kid, Severus, I knew him."

"Megan; he was obsessed with his sister long before she died. She was the favourite in the family and I think that while he obviously worshipped the ground she walked on. It still unbalanced him to know he was always second best."

"How do you know that?"

"The Veritaserum"

She sighed and shook her head at him; her eyes moving up to study his face.

"I can't stop thinking about it. If things were…."

"Stop!" He caught her hands and drew them out of her hair gently. "You can't change things by wishing. Merlin knows I've tried! You can only move forward."

"How do you cope?" she asked him suddenly, her eyes held by his darker ones. "How do you go through each day knowing you've done things that have destroyed people's lives?"

He closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them they were bright with regret and something else. Something she couldn't define.

"Albus told me something when I first came back… "To know how to change the past into a few saddened smiles – that is to master the future."

"And did it help?"

"Actually… no." He shook his head. "I suppose it would never work for me, I don't think my crimes are easy to convert to saddened smiles. But you haven't committed any crime. You are too hard on yourself, all you did was act in ignorance, it was not premeditated, turn your past into sad smiles and learn from them."

"I can't do it." A tear rolled down her face. "I can't…"

"Try. I'll be here. I'll always be here for as long as you want me."

She moved forward and flinging her arms around his neck clung to him, letting the tears fall.

"Megan." Something in his voice made her move away from him.

"I was going to ask you…" He took her hands and turned them palm upwards. He bent forward and kissed each palm gently.

"Severus?"

"I thought I was going to be too late. Again I though I was going to loose you, I have to ask you. Would you be my wife?"

Meg's mouth fell open. It was the last thing she had ever thought would ever come from his lips.

"What?" She fought to get her senses under control.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as my wife."

"I…me…you… you want to marry me?"

"As I understand it that is usually one of the steps towards being husband and wife," he took defensive retreat in mockery.

A slow grin crept across Meg's face; it started small, tilting her mouth upwards till she was beaming at him. Tears creeping down her face, her emotions so tangled over Dean but so clear about Severus.

"I…yes! Oh yes!" She gripped the sides of his face and leaning forward kissed him and then sat back, the smile leaving her face. "You really want to marry me? You're not just trying to cheer me up?"

"That has to be the silliest thing I've ever heard you say," he snorted and reached into his pocket to draw out a box. "Do you honestly think I would ask someone to marry me just because I wanted to cheer them up?"

She shook her head, mute at the sight of the box in his hands.

He chuckled as he opened the lid and held out the box to her.

"I forgot how jewellery renders you speechless," he smirked, his natural arrogance back with her obvious delight.

Meg stared down at the ring that lay nestled in a bed of silk cloth. It was one single stone, a fire opal. It shimmered and sparkled with every colour imaginable. Meg was entranced.

"I know that to Muggles, Opals are considered unlucky, but I do not hold with that. We shape our own future and I want us to shape ours together," he spoke quietly as he drew the ring out and taking her left hand slid the ring onto her finger.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she whispered, staring into the depths of the ring.

"It doesn't even come close to your beauty." He stroked his finger down her cheek gently.

He watched her flush as she looked up at him, some of the radiance of the ring shinning in her eyes.

"We have a long way to go, don't we?" she said steadily.

"Yes, I suppose we do; but we'll be together."

"Together," she whispered as their lips met and blended.

A/N: Originally the next chapter was at the end of this once, but to make another chapter I had to separate them. Nothing has changed much with content.

Hope you enjoy it.


	23. Vows

A/N: Updated March 2008 Usual disclaimer. Originally this one was one chapter with the previous chapter; but in my clearing up and editing (especially in the early chapters) I have lost two chapters. To keep this flowing and not messy with the next part I have had to make two extra chapters. It doesn't change the story, just keeps it all in line.

* * *

_Two Weeks Later_

Meg turned full circle a choking noise came from her throat.

"Flip!" Jack scratched his head. "Don't you look nice."

"Nice?" came Hillary's horrified cry. "Jack, she looks gorgeous."

Meg grinned at her brother who looked suitably chastised.

"You know what I mean!" He shrugged.

"Yeah, I know!" Meg turned back to the mirror and feasted her eyes once again on the dress that Hillary had helped her find.

It was a simple pale violet shift dress with off the shoulder sleeves. The fabric, which was a watered silk, was covered with hundreds of tiny stones, so no matter which way she turned it seemed as if she was surrounded in stardust. Her hair was left down, as Severus preferred her hair that way. She had tiny violets and pearls threaded through the length.

"I can't remember ever wearing anything so beautiful," she whispered.

"It looks wonderful, Severus won't know what hit him," Hillary sighed.

Jack looked slightly pained at his name but covered it with a cough.

"I know you still have reservations over Severus," Meg sighed, knowing him well.

"Reservations? I have an entire dossier why you should be running from him, not marrying him," he stated even with Hillary glaring at him.

"Why can't you wait a few years and marry Neville? He seems a decent enough chap," Jack added.

Meg spluttered and eyed him with distaste.

"Neville is more than just a decent chap, but it would be like marrying you," she managed finally.

"Oh!" Jack thought about that and shrugged before standing up, suddenly serious.

"If you ever hurts you come to me, anything happens, even if you change your mind, come to me. I'll see you're all right!"

"Oh, Jack, I do love you!" She kissed his cheek. "Nothing will happen, well I'm not going to say that we won't have arguments, but I know he'd never hurt me."

"He's a good man," Hillary said, her hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Fine… As long as you know." He winked at her and leaning forwards kissed her gently on the forehead.

Megan too a deep breath and nodded to them. It was time.

* * *

Meg had never seen anything so beautiful. It was understated elegance; something she should have expected from Severus. But she had never envisaged this.

The moon wasn't quite full so hundreds of fairy lights hung in mid air casting a twinkling light that caught the stones on Meg's dress and made her feel as if she'd joined the stars.

She looked around the tiny alcove that had been secluded in the grounds for them. Normally it was an alcove that led through into the gardens behind the greenhouses. But tonight it had been enchanted. Roses covered the walls and a blanket of moss had been set on the ground.

Severus turned when he heard her and the look on his face was enough to make Meg forget anything except him.

He wore a black suit that was obviously cut for him, his hair was still long and loose but she could see he'd washed it. A soft smile curved her lips; she wouldn't have cared if he hadn't. The look on his face would have made up for him turning up in his work robes. It was the look of love. The look one gets when they see the person they love most in the world. The soft shimmer that fills the eyes when they see the person who lights up their life. And he had it in his eyes now; and it was only for her.

She stepped up to him and caught his hand. He curled his hand around hers and looked back at Albus who was smiling widely before looking back down at Meg.

"I am so happy for you two." He beamed at Severus who was still staring down at Meg.

"Shall we start then?" Albus held out his hand to Remus and Jack who laid two rings of solid gold in his palm.

"Severus?"

Severus turned to face Meg and leaning forward slightly took both of her hands.

"Megan Kate Kincaid, I wed you with my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. I promise you, with the moon as my witness that I will love you and hold you, through the good times and the bad times, and through death, which will part us but temporarily." He looked briefly at Albus who passed him her ring.

He slid the ring partway onto her finger, stopping at her knuckle.

"My soul will ever be entwined with yours. My heart is yours forever more." He slid it the rest of the way and lifting her hand kissed her fingers.

Meg blinked away tears and bit her lip to stop herself from crying. His touch was so gentle; his voice so deep and full of promise.

"Megan?" Albus spoke quietly and Meg realised they were waiting for her.

She shifted on her feet and turned her hands so that she was holding his. She looked up at him and her eyes locked with his. They were blacker tonight than she'd ever seen them, but there was no coldness, no blankness, just love. His eyes sending a silent message, one that went further than words, further than vows; it was eternal and endless. And it was hers alone.

"Severus Snape, I wed you with my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. I promise you, with the moon and my kin as witnesses that I will love you and hold you, through the good times and the bad times, and through death, which will part us but temporarily." She took the ring from Albus and slid it partly onto his finger.

"My soul will ever be entwined with yours. My heart is yours forever more." She whispered and slid the ring on. She lifted his hand and kissed his fingers in the same manner.

"Ah!" Albus sighed and then remembered himself.

"Merlin cast his sign over these two." He raised his hand and taking Severus right hand and Meg's left hand he joined them together with a red cord.

"Tied with love for ever more. Man and Wife together." Albus stepped back smiling.

"Kiss your wife, Severus," Remus teased him gently but Severus paid no attention to anyone except the woman in front of him; his wife.

He leaned forward and kissed her gently on her forehead before lowering his mouth to her ear.

"Seems I have you tied up after all."

"No more running then?" she smiled up at him.

He shook his head, his black eyes sparkling.

"No more running, unless it's towards me."

Severus led her away from the others slightly till they stopped beside the rose covered archway.

"I want to give you this, here in the moonlight." He drew out a tiny box.

"Severus, I don't need you to keep giving me things."

"I know. This is different. This says what I can't." He lifted the lid and Meg saw it was a music box. A Muggle music box with a tiny ballerina dressed in pure white like a swan turning slowly on her points. But Severus had enchanted it, so a gently singing filled her mind, the voice so sweet but the words unmistakable.

_There was a time_

_When I thought the world was grey_

_And that all the colour in my life had left_

_But I was wrong, because I found you._

_And when you walked into my life,_

_You brought the colour that I knew was missing_

_I don't know how and I don't know when_

_But you brought the colour back to my life_

_It started out as something simple._

_Something I didn't plan on happening_

_But for some strange reason I found_

_Myself looking for the life you brought back with you_

The words were not lost on Meg and neither was the image of Odette as the white swan.

"Oh, Severus," she whispered as the voice faded out and the ballerina stopped turning to stand motionless.

"I told you once that I couldn't give you anything, and in a way it's true. I have no family to talk of. I have a home in the highlands where I spend the summer but it's isolated. I can't change the way I am with people, the remarks I make, I am who I am…"

She cut him off by placing her finger tips on his lips.

"Severus, I'm not marrying your sister or your house. I'm marrying you. I know who you are and how you are. Tell me you love me every once in a while. Hold me at night and I'll be the happiest woman alive."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

"I love you," he whispered against her skin.

"Forever," she whispered, her hands sliding around his neck, the box still in her hands.

"Forever."

The End

A;N/ YES! YES! I did it! I got here! The end and now I'm almost sad, except for THE EPILOGUE!

No story is complete without a nose into whatever they are doing, a couple of years from now.

I'll get it done in a couple of days and post it as soon as I can. I'll also thank everyone who has reviewed.

A couple of things now though that I think are quite pertinent!

Jen: pointed a huge, enormous, whacking great big error in my timing of events…. Hum dee dee! I gave Snape too much time before he became a teacher, thinking he'd have got some training before the ministry agreed to let him loose on a bunch of "dunderheads" (his words not mine!). As it stands if I'd bothered to get my chronology correct, Meg apparently would have been in her last year when he started teaching and Jack would have known him, not just heard about him. Thank you Jen for pointing that out to me!

I hereby apply for artistic license and I make humble apologies for getting it WRONG!.

Eriu: made another valid point about Dumbledore which I feel deserves a comment or three from me!

The point ( if you're interested in this, read the review) that Dumbledore should have known what was going on, here is my defence:

Dumbledore is not omniscient.

I think that Dean could easily have got away with what he did. After all Mad Eye Moody made it a whole school year before being de-eyed. Another thing I site in my defence is Scabbers the rat. Four years passed without him being de-ratted in a very un-Amy like way.

Thanks for taking the time to review Eriu, I really appreciate it.

The Lyrics at the beginning are by Blake Shelton

Thanks to Wyltk for pointing me in their direction!

The quote Snape says to Meg is by Materlinck.

The lyrics at the end in the music box are by The ChicaChic. Thanks for letting me use them! Love ya!

Thanks to everyone who reads this. I really hope you enjoy it.

See you in the Epilogue hopefully!

Have a great day where ever you are! (The sun is shining here! Way He!)


	24. Bed of Roses

Okay, first up a huge thank you to everyone who said such wonderful things about this story!

This was originally only going to be one-shot epilogue; but as always my imagination gets the better of me and low and behold… another story. If I had known where this was headed, I would have started another story with a new name… but I had no idea.

This has been all updated and will be finished… ;-0

March 2008.

* * *

Meg sat in between Snape and Flitwick.

She was running her finger round the rim of her glass, singing the Hogwarts song to an upbeat version of "Hooray, and up she rises!" much to the merriment of Flitwick beside her. Every second line she'd sink back into the original song and a finally a gust of laughter from the tiny professor drew the attention of the students at the front of the hall.

Snape moved his hand to her thigh and squeezed tightly; his face rigid, but his eyes giving away the tiniest amount of humour.

His own version of the song was almost a rap he whizzed through it so fast and so quietly.

The song finally came to an end and she felt his fingers relax slightly but he didn't move them away.

She listened with half an ear to Dumbledore dismiss the students and gave a sigh.

"I love these first feasts, don't you?" she asked brightly to both men.

"Wonderful." Flitwick smiled as he stood up; his tiny hand patted her arm gently.

"It didn't take me long to realise that as long as food is present you're happy," Snape snorted dryly and stood, holding the back of her chair to help her up.

"True, true!" She nodded and taking the napkin from the table that was discreetly hiding a bread roll and a chicken leg or two, she stood up and let him guide her out of the hall, his hand on her elbow.

"I wonder if the first years and indeed all of them will be as inept as always."

"Most probably for you, yes," she remarked as they took the stairs that lead to their apartment in the dungeons. A soft smile played over her lips; she guessed where this was leading. After three years it was hard not to know.

"And why for me?" he demanded opening the door to let her go through.

"Well you only get as much as you look for, Severus!" She set the napkin down on her side of the big desk that occupied one wall and taking her robes off walked through into the bathroom.

"Tell me that Sunderland isn't completely useless then."

"Daniel Sunderland…" She shrugged out of her jumper and folded it before letting it drop to the floor. "Is one poor unfortunate among many more competent students!"

She undid the zip on her trousers and sliding them off crossed to sit on the side of the bath and turn the taps on.

"In that case they must leave their brains in your classroom, because the minute they step into mine…"

"You frighten them, Severus," she said slowly. "And we had this conversation last year and the year before that and every year you get me all worked up. You do it for sheer devilment, don't you?" her voice was calm as she stood up and stripping completely sunk into the foamy water.

She refused to look across at where she knew he was leaning in the open doorway. His arms would be crossed over his chest; his face would be dark, his eyebrows drawn together in an even darker frown. But his eyes would be betraying his motives for their conversation.

"I get you all worked up?" He stood up straight and crossed to sit beside her, he drew his wand down his sleeve and with a quick flick every bubble had disappeared to leave plain water.

"Oh, Severus!" She flicked her fingers at him, splattering water on his face.

"You know I refuse to start the school year smelling like one of Sally's greenhouses," he growled and standing up; stripped and slipped in behind her, pulling her between his legs.

"It's an improvement on the unwashed scent that usually clings," she snorted, resting her head back on his chest.

"Unwashed?" He lifted his hand and dripped water down her nose making her splutter.

"I take great offence at that. However, if you feel the need to rid me of this supposed "Unwashed" smell, I am at your mercy."

"You are, aren't you!" She grinned and began to take him up on the suggestion.

* * *

"Three years this year," Minerva smiled fondly at them both, ignoring the bored look on Snape's face.

"Yeah, feels more like thirty three, but there you go, can't have it all," Meg spoke so seriously that Minerva blinked rapidly before regaining her smile.

"You're rubbing off on her, Severus," she said pointedly to Snape who arched an eyebrow and looked down at Meg.

Meg bit the inside of her lip hard, to prevent the explosive laugh that she knew was welling up inside. She couldn't meet his eyes so she kept them firmly on the top clasp of Minerva's robes.

"I try," he replied quietly.

"Yes well, I'd better see Hillary about the fixtures for this year," Minerva said completely unaware of the double meaning behind her turn of phrase. She turned away to cross to where several of the other teachers were gathered around the staff table talking.

"You absolute rotter," Meg gasped, turning her face into the material of his sleeve and laughing.

"Excuse me," he replied mock offence. "I'm not the one whose mind resides permanently in the gutter!" His face was perfectly straight, only his eyes gave any indication to his humour.

"Remus is on his way over," he spoke quietly and Meg straightened instantly. All traces of humour wiped away as they watched their friend coming over.

He was thinner than ever, his hair almost completely grey now. They could see the lines of fatigue etched deeply into his face; only his eyes were alert and clear.

"Good first week?" he asked winking at Meg.

"Certainly not," snorted Snape. "How it is possibly going to be good when we're asked to teach a group of children that have been bred minus their brains!"

"Now, now dear," Meg said patting his arm. "You really must stop confusing the other houses with Slytherin." She winked at Remus and laughed at the snort that erupted from her husband.

"Remus, are you free to come to our study this evening?" Snape asked changing the subject.

"Yes, is something up?"

"No, no!" Meg shook her head quickly.

"We've been working over the holiday on your potion. We think we may have found a way of negating the bad effects this one has," Snape spoke deeply. "It may not work, in fact I'm sure it won't."

"And I'm sure it will!" Meg glared up at him and then looked back at Remus

"You shouldn't waste your holiday doing that," he looked upset.

"Remus!" Meg looked shocked. "We haven't wasted our holiday, we wanted to. Severus?"

"Believe me. We didn't work on it all day and all night."

"It's not like we were going to go anywhere!" Meg pulled a face at Remus. "Severus won't go further than the end of the drive during the holidays."

"I didn't want us to get stuck somewhere unable to get back home," Snape's voice was cold and hard as he looked down at Meg.

"I know! I know," she snapped back. "I must have heard that a million times."

"Seven thirty be okay?" Remus cut in quickly, anxious to get away from the firing line.

"Fine," Snape snapped still glaring down at Meg.

Remus backed away and left them.

Meg looked up at Snape and arched an eyebrow at him

"What?" she asked innocently.

"We will discuss this further later," he hissed coldly.

"There's nothing to talk about, Severus." She shrugged. "Don't get all narky on me!"

"I'm not."

"You are! I enjoyed myself. I had fun working on the potion and I had fun in the grounds. End of story!" She walked away from him and headed straight to the staff table, knowing that she hadn't heard the end of this. She wasn't sure what had prompted her to add that last statement to Remus. She had known the trouble it would cause, knew that Severus would undoubtedly read more into than what was there. But for some reason she felt needled enough to make him uncomfortable. She just wasn't sure why.

Snape narrowed his eyes at her and followed her quickly. He took her elbow and nodding at several of the other teachers drew her towards the door.

"Hey!" She tried to prise herself away from him. "I haven't eaten yet!"

"You can eat in our rooms. I want to know exactly what you were driving at and I refuse to talk about it with everyone else listening in."

"Can't it wait?" she hissed at him. "I'm hungry and they've got those little triangle sandwiches with the cucumber and cress in them; and fairy cakes…" She looked back at where the teachers were now starting to help themselves.

He sighed and let her go. He wasn't about to make a scene. How would it look if he were to carry her out of the staff room kicking and screaming! Sometimes though, she got him annoyed enough to momentarily not care what anyone else thought. But reason always asserted itself as it did now. He could wait.

She gave him one last glare and headed towards the table.

Snape watched her and folding his arms he sat down in the nearest chair and frowned darkly at everyone.

"First week back is always bad." Dumbledore sat beside him and folded his hands in his lap.

"All the weeks are bad," he snorted making Dumbledore laugh.

"Ah Severus." He shook his head slightly. "I was obviously hoping for a miracle."

"Pardon?" Snape stared down at the older wizard beside him.

"I had hoped that wedded bliss would help you to see the happier side of life."

Snape arched an eyebrow and unfolded his arms.

"I am perfectly content with the side of life I already have."

"Yes, yes of course." Dumbledore nodded. "It just strikes me that sometimes we don't see what is right under our noses."

"What do you mean?" Snape looked faintly alarmed for several seconds before regaining his usual shut look.

"Just hoping that we all have another happy year teaching."

"I wasn't aware teaching and happy could be said in the same sentence."

"You're the best Defence Against Dark Arts teacher we've had, with the possible exception of Remus."

"Thank you…..but?" Snape's eyebrows drew together into a frown.

"Teaching is not everything."

"Pardon?"

"You repaid your debt to society many years ago, my friend. You are a free man and, with the exception of your wife, you have no one else to answer to anymore."

Dumbledore stood up and laid his hand on his shoulder.

"I just want you to be happy."

Snape watched him walk towards the food table.

"I am," he muttered his eyes going to where Meg was smiling at Flitwick.

She was little changed from the first day he'd seen her four years ago.

Her hair was slightly longer and pulled back into those infernal braids that made her look younger than she was. Her robes were that usual black that she favoured. Plain cut, nothing showing under them except the briefest flash of scarlet jumper at her neck. He preferred her that way. He wouldn't say he was possessive, well no more than the next man, but he was glad she wasn't like some of the witches nowadays that tended to show more than was decent. He knew what lay beneath her robes, he knew her beauty and he saw no reason why other men should be allowed to view what was his. He didn't need appreciative glances from other men to tell him how attractive she was. He already knew that.

He remembered the first time he'd seen her in muggle skirts, cut just below the knee with silky tights covering her legs and tiny shoes on her feet. He tried to get her to lengthen the skirt but she'd told him in no uncertain terms it was decent by muggle standards and that was fine by her. He'd acquiesced under great duress. He could still see her now, standing in the hallway of their home, yelling at him that he was some Victorian dinosaur and that if he seriously wanted to have a say in what a woman wore he should have married a Barbie doll. That had gone completely over his head, but he'd got the picture and backed off, letting her go out "half-dressed" as he saw it.

His lips twitched slightly as he remembered. She'd been quite breathtaking in her anger and he'd told her so, it had taken the wind out of her sails and deflated her anger instantly. He had never again remarked on her choice of clothes, although he noticed that she never wore her skirts any higher than her knees.

He had never once regretted marrying her. Not when they both flaming angry with each other; not when things seemed quite dark.

Had she ever regretted marrying him? He hoped not. He had battled against feelings of being inadequate for most of his life. Well, in truth he hadn't battled against them at all; he'd given in to them. Believing that he wasn't worth people's effort or time. Then she'd come along and insisted that he was worth something to her.

They'd had their ups and downs. More downs than ups at first. But then no one ever said married life was a bed of roses. But he had thought that they'd finally found their balance; that she was as happy as he was.

He snorted out loud at that thought. He was aware on the surface that happy wasn't the first thought someone would have when they looked at him. But he was. He was happier than he'd even known it was possible to be. He could put the candles out at night and close his eyes and it wouldn't be images of his darker past that would haunt him.

He felt complete and it was because of her.

He watched her now as she looked down at the plate of food and shrug unhappily before setting it down untouched. She was not happy and it was clear to him. He tried to pin-point when it started and realised that it was probably the end of the summer holidays. She'd been very tired at the end of the last school year; more so than previously. But it was more than just tired it was unhappy too; he just didn't know why. And he was frightened to find out why.

She looked up at him now and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He stood up and silently held out his hand and he was relieved when she came to him and took it.

He led her out of the room and down to their rooms in the dungeons; neither of them talking.

"I didn't mean it the way you took it," she said the minute the door shut behind them.

"And how do you think I took it?" he asked quietly, shrugging out of his robes.

"You think I didn't enjoy myself, don't you?"

"Did you?" he watched her thumbnail go between her teeth. A sure sign she was nervous about something.

"Yes." She began to pace in front of where he stood. "I always enjoy the holidays with you. I like having you all to myself."

"But.….?" He repressed a sigh. It seemed everyone today had a 'but' to add.

"There are no buts!"

"You said it as if you resented staying there."

"Then I apologise," She said gently. "I did not mean to imply I was unhappy or resentful; I think I was just a little restless, though I have no idea why."

"I just want you to be happy," he said it quietly, the awkwardness that he had felt saying things like that to her had long since past with time.

"And I was. I am." She stepped forward and gripped two handfuls of his robes pulling him down slightly.

"As long as I'm with you I'll always be happy."

"I hope so," he whispered before taking her into his arms.

"I think it's just start of year blues," she admitted into his ear.

"But you love teaching," he replied quietly.

"Yeah…" she sighed against his ear making him shiver.

"Oh, well, look on the bright side, only six weeks to the first holiday."

She chuckled against his skin and nipped his neck with her teeth making him growl.

* * *

Neville stepped into the room quietly and looked around. He spotted her by the window and crossed to stand behind her.

"Those Infidean Symestras won't be ready in time."

Meg jumped and whirled around, her eyebrows drawn together till she saw who was behind her.

"Nev!" she grinned and then his words registered and the frown was back. "Not ready?"

"Sorry." He shrugged. "We thought it was too hot for them, we tried to keep them as cool as possible… but…"

"So how long then?" Meg mused.

"About four weeks."

"Alright." She nodded. "I'll mix up the lessons a bit, thanks Nev!"

She watched as he plopped down in the chair and swept a rather grubby hand through his hair. He was no less portly than he had been two years ago. But his confidence was much better. He had a good working relationship with Sally who found him indispensable.

"Tired?" he asked her.

She shrugged and turned back to the window.

"A bit."

"I hear that there are two lads in Hufflepuff that rival the Weasley twins!" he laughed.

"Well, all I can say is that if Brian and Adam are as bad as the legendary Weasley twins I'm glad I wasn't here then as well!"

"Talking about Weasleys I saw Ron last week." Neville crossed his legs and rested his head back. "Hermione is pregnant."

"Really?" Meg smiled. "Severus will be planning his retirement to co-inside with its eleventh birthday then!"

"Severus is retiring?" Minerva had entered the room at that point and only caught half the conversation.

"No," laughed Meg, turning back around.

"No. I was telling Meg that Hermione and Ron are expecting their first child."

Minerva beamed at him.

"Oh wonderful news!" She beamed. "How is she? I must say I hadn't expected her to give up her research post at the ministry so quickly!"

"I only saw Ron, but he said she's okay at the moment." Nev grinned at them both "And she isn't giving it up, she's going back after the baby is born."

"How about Draco and Ginny?" asked Meg, she hadn't heard anything about them in years.

"Not to good." Nev shook his head sadly. "His father has made life very difficult for them both. He all but cut Draco off when he told them he was marrying Ginny. Draco can't get a job anywhere. His father has effectively cut off all lines open to him. Ginny is supporting both of them, from what I can tell she doesn't mind that. It's Draco that doesn't like being provided for."

"Hum…" Minerva tapped her chin. "That was never destined for easiness."

"They shouldn't be penalised for falling in love like that," Meg said sharply. "His father should just bow out of it and leave them alone!"

"Amen!" Neville muttered nodding.

The door opened and Flitwick and Snape came in.

Snape crossed to get a mug of tea before turning back to where Minerva was still standing beside Meg.

"Heard the good news, Severus?" Neville looked up at Snape.

Snape frowned at him and shook his head.

"Hermione is pregnant." Neville knew full well it wouldn't go down well, but he was no longer the frightened seventeen year old that was terrorised by the ex-potion master.

"This is good news?" Snape asked dryly before kicking Neville's foot as he passed him to sit on the other chair. They seemed to have fallen into an easy relationship that consisted of insults being flung regularly and often with impunity; neither of them willing to admit that there was a good deal of respect on both sides for each other.

"Just imagine, Severus. Eleven years from now and we'll have another Weasley running through these hallowed halls!" Minerva grinned at him.

"Eleven years from now I'll be retiring!"

"Told you." Meg nodded at Neville and laughed.

"All we need now is for the twins to produce heirs and we'll have a new generation of Weasleys," Minerva added.

"Merlin forbid!" Snape snorted. "I think all the Weasleys should have been neutered at birth!"

"Severus." Meg nudged him gently with her boot. "That's not nice."

"Not nice is having anything remotely related to a Weasley here. Not nice is the thought of a Granger and a Weasley combination. A know it all idiot," he corrected her dryly.

Meg grinned at where Neville was trying to suppress a laugh.

"I realise you think this is highly amusing," Snape snapped and stood up again

"Sit down, Severus!" Minerva flapped her hand at him as he sat back down and carried on drinking his tea. "Relax, eleven years is along way in the future. Just think there might even be a few little Snapes running around by then!"

Snape choked on a mouthful of tea and sprayed Neville's leg.

"Yuck!" Neville was less than amused. "Snape spit!" He used his wand and quickly cleaned his trousers.

"I'm not sure which thought is more frightening, Minerva," Snape muttered wiping his chin with his handkerchief.

"Oh yes, and what would be so wrong with my children?" Meg demanded suddenly.

"Your children? Absolutely nothing. Mine? I shudder to think." He set his mug down.

"Actually I think it would be quite interesting," Neville mused, carefully moving further away from Snape. "Just imagine it, a two year old Kincaid Snape. Black eyes, reddish hair, sly, intelligent, bossy and perpetually ravenous." He grinned up at Meg, neatly avoiding the kick Snape sent his way.

"I'll kindly remind you, Longbottom that although you may no longer be a snivelling brat, I can still hex you with impunity," Snape muttered.

"Probably!" Neville grinned at him and got up. "But who would cook your anniversary meal if you hexed me too much?"

"Point Mr. Longbottom!" Meg announced and smiled at a frowning Snape. "Don't upset the chef ,Severus."

"Well this year try and make sure you cook the beef before serving it to us," he snorted.

"It was rare and supposed to look like that," Neville began heatedly until he saw the gleam in Snape's eye.

"Okay, we're even," he laughed. "For now!"

"The thought of all those Weasley offspring had turned my stomach," Snape shuddered and picked up his mug again.

"What are you going to do when your own come along then, Severus?" Minerva laughed

Snape blinked his face impassive, his eyes shuttered.

"That will never happen, Minerva. Never!"

Minerva arched an eyebrow and looked sideways at Meg who was staring back out the window again, apparently not listening. But she was.

A:N/ I started this as an epilogue, but when I signed on recently I saw quite a few of you mentioning a sequel. Something I hadn't thought about!

I got quite excited by the prospect and thought long and hard and I'm going to have a crack at it. The thought of messing with them one more time was too much to pass up!!!!

I've added it on the end of this story rather than start a new one just because I'm a lazy git! However if you'd prefer it was a new story then let me know. Let me know even if you think a sequel isn't such a good idea!! Either that or don't read any further.

I'll still go ahead and write it now I've got it in my head!

You've probably worked out which way its going by now but hopefully I'll be able to pull a few twists that will surprise you.

Hopefully!

I also wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review!

A quick but meaningful thanks to:

Laura, for the lyrics. I haven't see the musical but it sounds good and the lyrics are spot on!!

KrissyKat: Yahoo won't let me in to see the picture! sobs I was so looking forward to seeing if see looked like she does in my imagination. Can you fix it and let me know when you have? Please?

Jen: You are right! Again! I can't see him getting married either at least not in cannon, but then I'm a firm believer in marriage and this little swedish proverb:

Never sleep with someone unless you love them.

Never live with someone if you can marry them.

Never marry someone you can live without.

Or words to that effect!

Besides my mum wants to read this story and I can't have them living together if she reads it! Hell to pay for my lack of moral fibre!!! As it is she'll probably ask me why they didn't wait till they were married! Mothers! (She's wonderful!)

Heavens forbid she reads the missing scene!!!

Now you know why they are Mr and Mrs Snape

A big, huge thank you to everyone else as well!

Have a nice day!


	25. Odile

Updated March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer.

* * *

Megan was furious, absolutely furious.

"What on earth did you think you were doing?" she hissed at the boys sitting in the back row.

Adam and looked taken aback more than ashamed.

"It wasn't supposed to do that," Adam said and frowned.

"Not supposed to do that? Then what was it supposed to do?"

"Erm… produce giant bubbles that would stick to the ceiling."

"You have just managed, single handedly, to reduce my entire shelving to rubble." Meg looked across at the ruin of where her shelving had stood; potion bottles and ingredients now lay strewn broken across the floor.

"Get out! Get out now!" She yelled, pointing at the door, her face white with anger.

The boys hastily got to their feet and hurried to the door.

"Get yourselves down to Mr Filches' office and inform him of what has happened here and how!" She shouted. "Then I want you both back here with him to clear it up!" She looked around at the rest of the students glaring at their slightly scared faces.

"Looks like her and Snape are well suited," whispered one of the girls quietly to her friend.

"Jackson, do you wish to be helping them?" she asked pointedly, the girl coloured up.

"Oh, get out all of you! Go straight to your next lesson and wait outside the door; any wandering and I will personally remove every last house point from you. Now go!" She watched them all hurriedly file out of her classroom.

She crossed to stare down at the disaster. For some unknown reason she just wanted to curl up and cry. There were several jars that had been Severus when he taught here. Jars that held unmentionably horrible things; frogs severed down the middle lay staring up at her; different animals in several states of disembowelment. Things that turned her stomach as she stared down at them.

"Oh, for crying out loud, this is potions not Anatomy!" She stamped her foot in frustration and felt tears creep down her face. She dashed them away angrily. She had no idea why such a thing like this would reduce her to tears.

She stomped back to her desk and scribbled a note to pin on the outside of the door. She cancelled the last class of the day and instead informed them to spend the hour in the library writing a five thousand word essay on the basic potion ingredients for a Lacklustre Potion.

Damn she could with some of that!

She pinned the note on the door and with a very satisfying bang slammed the door behind her.

She crossed once again to the mess on her floor and with her hands on her hips shook her head in dismay.

The door opened and a wave of immense irritation came over her. She whirled around.

"Don't you have any manners whatsoever? Knock, please! Oh… it's you." She sagged slightly before straightening up as Severus came towards her. She saw a grim faced Mr Filch behind him with the two terrified looking boys.

"I heard what these two dunderheads did." Severus glared back at them and then stared down at his destroyed collection. "Have you any idea how many years collection that was?" he growled at them before standing aside to let Mr Filch heard them towards the mess.

"Completely ruined!" She nodded sadly. "Although why you have to collect half mutilated animals is beyond me," she added huffily and under her breath; but he heard her.

He looked at her sharply, his eyebrows drawing together in a frown, but Meg was looking down at where the toe of her boot was nudging an eyeball from one poor unfortunate creature.

"Oh, gross," Adam cried out when he saw it too.

"Yes, quite, but you should have thought of that before you treated my classroom like some joke shop," she snapped.

"Mr Filch, would you supervise these two please?" she added looking at him briefly.

He sneered nastily at the two boys who were shrinking by the minute.

"And don't let them use magic," she snapped. "Thank you, Mr. Filch." She crossed to the door, completely ignoring where Snape was watching her, his face impassive.

He remained silent as he followed her, narrowly avoiding having the door slammed in his face.

"Thank you," he drawled as he caught the door in time and went out. She stopped and looked back at him.

"Sorry, didn't realise you were right behind me." She shrugged. "Don't you have a class now?" It came out sharply, she was aware it did, but something inside her didn't really care.

"No." He shook his head and placing his hand on the small of her back, directed her towards his study.

"What's wrong?" she asked him as he closed the door behind them both.

"I was about to ask you that." He watched her slump into the chair by the fire and rub her hands across her eyes.

"I don't know; tired," she sighed. "I don't know what it is really. Just don't want to be here I guess!"

"Here, as in Hogwarts or here, as in teaching?"

"Both I guess," she admitted and kicking off her boots curled her feet under here. "I suppose I'm asking the wrong person if I ask you if you ever doubt yourself."

"You doubt yourself?" he was taken aback by the question.

"Not me as such, but definitely my teaching."

"I thought you loved teaching."

"I do…." She banged her head repeatedly against the back of the chair, feeling her frustration beginning to bubble over. She couldn't understand why she was having completely odd mood swings. One minute she was in cloud nine the next she was in the depths of depression. It just wasn't like her. She was never usually so narky. Little things were irritating her so much she was beginning to wonder if Minerva had been right that first staff meeting. Maybe Snape was a bad influence on her.

"Megan…"

"I feel like screaming," she admitted quietly.

"Would it help if you did?" he asked her quietly.

She looked up at him in surprise.

"Pardon?"

"Would screaming help you vent your frustration?"

"I don't know." It was the last thing she'd expected from him.

"Try it!"

She blinked at him rapidly before sitting forward.

"Seriously?"

"Yes." He cast a silencing spell on the room "No one will hear you. Go ahead."

"Are you seriously suggesting I just scream?"

"Why not? Frustration kept in always finds a way out and I'd much rather it be on me and in here. I don't fancy the chances of those boys if they cross you again while you're like this."

"I didn't think you cared about them."

"I don't. I do, however, care about you. I wouldn't like to hear that the board has sacked you because you've lost your temper with the students."

"They've never sacked you!"

"I've never lost my temper. I've come close, but I possess more self-control than you do."

"You do, don't you," she mused. "How do you do that?"

"Years of having too. Now, are you going to scream or do you want me to suggest another way of relieving stress."

"What's that then?" she asked and began to smile as she saw him raise one eyebrow and smirk at her.

"We could of course combine the two." He moved closer to her and sank to his knees in front of her. Meg bit her lip as his hands found their way onto her waist under her robes.

"I could relieve your stress and make you scream. Yes?"

She nodded at him, her eyes huge in her face; his touch on her skin already soothing and exciting her at the same time.

He smirked wickedly at her; completely arrogant in the knowledge that he could render her speechless with just a few touches of his hands on her back.

"I'd better keep the silencing spell on then, hadn't I?"

"Uh huh."

* * *

Her classroom was completely back to normal, the two boys were close to being shattered and missing their tea.

She stood in the door and thanked Mr. Filch who had spent the time sitting at her desk, reading his book and stroking Mrs Norris who had curled on his lap.

"Right you two, get down to the great hall before you miss your dinner. I trust you won't be repeating that again?"

"No, miss!" They trooped past and out of the dungeons. Mr Filch close behind them, Mrs Norris hissing at them as she shepherded them out.

Meg crossed to the shelving and began making notes on which things had to be replaced.

"Leave it and come and get some dinner." Severus stood in the doorway. Not a hair out of place, looking coolly remote as he always did, despite what they'd just been doing.

She turned and smiled widely at him as she crossed to him; she reached up and kissed his cheek gently before stepping away from him.

He was relieved that she no longer appeared to be under stress. But he wasn't sure that the boys had caused it. He knew that they had definitely been the final straw but they weren't the root of it. He would wait till they were alone again. He always found she was more receptive to telling him things if she was curled up in bed with him. He had even discovered that if he drew her into his arms and stroked her back she would talk endlessly. But it wouldn't be about mundane things. It would be whatever had been worrying her. He'd spent weeks and weeks after Rider had tried to kill her just lying with her at night letting her talk herself into realising that she wasn't to blame for his actions. He'd been surprised how easily it had begun to feel right; having someone to hold close, give support to, be there for. He still preferred to lie apart from her when he wanted to actually sleep, but before they both fell asleep he would hold her close, and then they'd move apart and her feet would slip under his leg and everything would be right.

He looked down at her now and his eyes held his love for her, even though he was sneering slightly at her.

"Thanks for being my stress reliever," she grinned at him.

"The pleasure was all mine," he smirked.

"No, not entirely all yours." She looked up at him and winked.

"Severus! Megan!"

They both turned to see Dumbledore coming towards them, the usual twinkle missing from his eyes.

"I'm glad I caught you before you went to dinner." He moved them back into the classroom.

"Something is wrong?" asked Meg looking alarmed.

"Well, not wrong exactly I just felt you should have some warning. Odile is here; with Morgana."

Snapes face went from impassive to shocked, to alarmed and back to impassive in a matter of seconds.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" he drawled dryly.

"Apparently there were a few problems in Durmstrang and Odile wishes to place Morgana here."

Snapes eyebrows rose before drawing together in a dark frown.

"Where are they?"

"In my office. Odile has demanded to see you. Morgana has already been sorted and has been placed into Ravenclaw."

Meg saw the look of pride briefly cross Snape's face.

"I expect that didn't go down well," he remarked mockingly.

"Not really,Odile demanded she be sorted again. Same result of course." Dumbledore fingered his long beard and shook his head sadly.

"Thank you for coming down to us. We will be up in a moment," Snape spoke quietly his eyes going to Meg who was looking quite bemused by the whole thing.

"Of course. Take your time." Dumbledore left them shutting the door behind him.

"It seems the unthinkable has happen." Snape caught Meg's arms and turned her to face him.

"You make it sound as if the end of the world has arrived." She laughed nervously, but something in his eyes sent uneasy shivers of apprehension down her spine.

"It probably has," he remarked dryly. "Actually it must have done for Odile to even let Senga within several miles of Hogwarts, Albus and myself.."

"Why do you call her Senga? I thought she was called Morgana."

"It's what she likes to be called. Her middle name is Agnes, which when spelled backwards gives you Senga. She is not a Snape, well she is by birth, but by nature she's a Holland."

Meg's eyes opened wide at the significance behind his words.

"Your sister married a Holland?"

The Holland were a very powerful family in the wizarding world, but unlike the Snapes and the Malfoys, keeping their blood lines muggle free wasn't important. Family name meant more than the blood that ran through their veins.

"No, she didn't marry a Holland, she just pro-created with one. Odile married a Malfoy."

Meg rolled her eyes and sighed.

"A Malfoy!" She sank down onto the desk. "So Odile is a Malfoy, Senga is a Holland. Is she aware of this?"

"She is now. I informed her last summer. Odile has no idea she knows and it must stay that way, Megan." He sat down beside her. "I have no idea how long Odile will be staying here, hopefully not for long."

"Which Malfoy did she marry?"

"Lucifer, Lucius' brother."

"Good lord, who on earth would call their son Lucifer? Why not go the whole way and call him Satan?" she exclaimed.

"Point. Lucifer was well named believe me."

"Oh Merlin!" Meg turned her face into his shoulder.

"Didn't you say she had a son as well?"

"Yes. Lucifer and Odile had a boy, two years younger than Senga, Damien."

"Damien?" Meg burst out laughing, but it was humourless. "Oh, this just gets better and better! Go on, tell me they have another boy called Beelzebub."

"Just the two," he spoke softly, his eyes on her face.

"Merlin, what have I married into?" The words left her mouth before she even realised what she'd said. But she felt him stiffen and draw away slightly.

"Oh, god Severus. I am so sorry. I never meant for…"

"It doesn't matter," he spoke coldly and stood up. "I needed you to know, so that you don't put your foot into it when you meet her."

"Sev… don't get annoyed with me please. I never once meant I regretted marrying you," she pleaded with him to understand.

He looked down at her, his face completely unreadable, even his eyes were blank, something she hadn't seen from him for a long time.

"I wonder though, would you? If you knew your brother in law was a Malfoy and that your sister in law was an immoral black witch?"

"She's a black witch?" Meg swallowed nervously, feeling as if she was being sucked into a nightmare.

"Of course she is. She's a Snape. A Snape learns how to cast Dark Magic before it learns to walk!"

"Well, I married you, not them," she replied and stood up and slipped her hand into the crook of his arm. "And it would have made no difference. It makes no difference to how much I love you."

"I should have told you all this sooner; it's just not something I thought about." Snape frowned at her. "We're not a nice family, Megan."

"I'm you're family now, you and me, and I think we're nice enough. I knew you had a sister, you told me about some of it. I didn't care then and I don't care now. I only care about you. I do love you, Severus."

"I know," he whispered and kissed her quickly. "And I love you."

* * *

Megan felt as if she had been weighed in the balance and found wanting; extremely wanting.

Odile Malfoy was a stunning woman in an ice queen type of way. She had the back hair and black eyes common to all Snapes, but her nose was not hooked like her brothers. It was a long fine nose, autocratic in appearance. Her eyes glittered dangerously, the smile on her blood red lips not reaching them. She was tall, almost as tall as Severus, but her body was more curved and she displayed it to advantage in a tight, figure hugging, ankle length black dress. The sleeves draped down over her arms to her hands, ending in points. Her hair was long and hung over her shoulders and Meg had a brief thought that she was finally meeting Morticia Adams in the flesh. Except she didn't think there would be anything remotely funny about this situation at all.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Odile spoke politely but her voice felt like an arctic wind across Meg's soul. She unconsciously stepped closer to Severus as she held her hand out in polite greeting to the beauty in front of her.

"Likewise," she returned and resisted the impulse to fidget nervously under the glittering black stare.

Odile reached out impossibly long, cold fingers and briefly touched Meg's own warm, clammy hand. A look of distaste flashed across the older witch's face. Meg saw her move her hand back to her dress and very slightly wipe her fingers across the fabric, as if Meg was dirty and she had to wipe away the touch.

It left Meg feeling insulted and very plain. She suddenly felt conscious of her height, her build, everything. This was out of character for Meg, who usually didn't think about herself much at all. Make-up was something she thought about once a year if ever. She kept herself clean and presentable, but she was aware she would never win any beauty contests and this had never worried her before. But today, she was wishing she'd inherited her father's height and her mother's beauty instead of her father's brains and her mother's sense of humour.

She mentally kicked herself for feeling inferior. There were far more important things to a person that appearance. Kindness, love, loyalty; things Meg felt sure that this woman would be unable to spell let alone possess.

She felt Severus hand move to the small of her back and press comfortingly. She instantly felt his warmth seep through her, making her feel better. He loved her despite all these things and that was good enough for her.

"Severus, darling!" Odile stepped forward and air kissed his cheeks. "I was so disappointed when Lucius told us you'd got married. I would love to have been present." She smiled condescendingly at Meg. "Such a charming child."

Meg bristled and humped under her breath slightly.

"Megan is no child, Odile." he spoke quietly, his eyes searching the room, and then he saw her.

"Morgana." He nodded curtly at the child Megan hadn't noticed till he spoke to her.

A child of about thirteen stood in the corner of the room. Her hair was as black as her mother and uncles and it was plaited into pigtails either side of her face. She wore a plain black dress under a black robe. Her face was blank, although Meg thought she saw the briefest flash of something when her name was spoken.

"Uncle Severus," her voice was a monotone.

"Professor Snape from now on," Severus said, his face and eyes impassive.

Meg frowned slightly before smiling at the girl, but she got no response.

"Morgana has been sorted into Ravenclaw. I am sure you see there has to be a mistake." Odile looked across at the girl with nothing more than irritation on her face.

"The sorting hat is never wrong, Odile," Severus said quietly. "Morgana is highly intelligent is she not?"

"Of course!" Odile looked faintly offended. "But she is a Snape, Severus, and all Snapes are sorted into Slytherin."

"I'm sure she'll be very happy in Ravenclaw." Meg tired to add something to the conversation and wished she'd kept her mouth shut when Odile looked at her as if she'd grown two heads.

"It's not about being happy, Professor Kincaid. It's about tradition; Snapes are Slytherin by tradition. It's what runs through our veins that have us sorted into Slytherin."

"I was under the impression it was what your character was that chose your house for you," Meg spoke clearly a tiny amount of venom in her voice. "And it's Professor Snape actually."

"I thought professional woman kept their maiden names these days. Although I suppose there is something to be said for taking the name of Snape. I suppose if you wished to advance yourself you could with our name." Odile spoke carelessly but Meg knew that under all the vagueness she'd just been insulted and put in her place.

Meg pursed her lips; she could feel her temper rising. She hadn't wanted this, for Severus' sake she had wanted to be able to get along with his sister. But she wasn't sure that was an option. She didn't want to get along with this woman; she wanted this woman to get out.

"We are digressing ladies." Snape moved his hand from her back and caught her elbow instead. "Dinner has been underway now for quite a while. Albus, could we have something sent up?" He spoke to the older wizard who had been observing quietly from his chair, Fawkes on his arm.

"Of course!" Albus smiled around at everyone. "I hope you don't mind but I really must get back to the hall. I will see you later, Mrs Malfoy." He left the room and Meg felt the strongest urge to leave with him. It was as if the only light in the room had gone out. Power radiated from the older woman and it reeked of evil. Meg was beginning to feel frightened.

"I am not happy with the whole Ravenclaw issue," Odile spoke coldly and sat down at the table indicated by Snape.

"There is nothing to be done about it, Odile. Morgana will do fine and I will personally keep my eye on her," Snape spoke curtly.

Odile humped and sat with her back ram-rod straight as Snape called for some food to be brought up.

Meg sat beside Snape and watched as Morgana came to sit beside her mother.

"So how is Lucifer?" Snape asked her, his tone of voice conveying quite clearly he didn't much care but he would keep up appearances if she did.

"He's taken Damien to see Lucius," her voice was clipped, now Dumbledore had left, the friendly façade could be dropped. She began to pick at a chicken salad that appeared.

Meg, who was by now hungry and unused to anything putting her off her food, stuck in with relish. Giving her tiny sighs every now again; something she was completely unaware she did.

"And will Damien being joining Hogwarts?" asked Meg, hoping that her voice didn't convey how much she wanted her to say no.

"Merlin, no!" Odile sounded offended. "Morgana wasn't supposed to be here either. Except she couldn't seem to settle." She sent her daughter a look of pure venom that had Morgana sink in her seat slightly. Meg's heart went out to her and she resolved there and then to try and make life better for the poor girl.

"So Damien will go to Durmstrang." Meg didn't bother to keep the relief from her voice this time.

"Of course." She eyed Meg closely. "So who are your parents then? I'm afraid Severus had told me nothing about you. In fact he hadn't even told me you existed." If Meg hadn't been aware of Snapes relationship with his sister she would have been upset by her words. As it was, she was in the least bit surprised she hadn't heard of her.

"Ewan Kincaid and Lucinda Drimble," she replied softly. "They passed away some time ago now."

"Drimble. I don't recognise that name." Odile frowned as she set her fork down delicately, hardly anything gone from her plate. "I've heard of the Kincaids of course, a lower class wizarding family." Her black eyes pinned Meg who refused to look away. Meg narrowed her eyes in a manner not unlike Snapes.

Meg was unsure whether to reveal that her mother was a muggle. She wasn't embarrassed by it, not at all; but sometimes discretion was the better part of valour.

"Megan's mother was not a witch." Snape settled it for her. He slid his hand under the table and gripped her leg tightly; half warningly, half in support.

"Muggle!" Odile went puce and then very quickly recovered herself. "Oh… so you are muggle born." Her black eyes went to Snape. He arched an eyebrow at her, his face otherwise impassive.

"Yes. My father was a wizard. I was very fortunate to be able to grow up with both worlds," Meg spoke clearly.

Odile was clearly not impressed, but Meg had seen the light of curiosity burn in Morgana eyes. Meg gave the girl a tiny wink when Odile was not looking and was pleased to see the tinniest of smiles on her lips.

"So…" Odile drew in a breath and pouted at Snape. "So, you've been married for how long now?"

"It was three years in May," Snape replied.

"I do think it was rather bad form not inviting us, Severus darling!" Odile quite recovered from her shock of Meg being muggle born slipped easily back into her false charming way. Although Meg knew it was far from over or forgotten.

"It never occurred to me. We had few people attending. It was a ceremony between the two of us and know one else," he intoned and set his own plate away, completely empty now.

"How romantic." Morgana spoke for the first time; her eyes went slightly hazy as she looked at Meg. They snapped back into blankness as she saw her mother arch fine black eyebrows at her in a most disapproving way.

"Yes, it was actually." Meg smiled at the girl and was glad to feel Snape squeeze her knee slightly.

"Humph!" Odile was not impressed.

Meg looked at Morgana sympathetically.

"Could it be possible for Morgana to get herself settled into her dorm room, Severus, there are a few things I would like to discuss with you. Alone." Her icy black eyes flicked form Snapes face to Meg's quickly before the false smile was pinned back on her face.

"Certainly." Snape stood and pulled Meg's chair back for her. "Megan and I will show Morgana to her dormitory. Would you care to wait here or go to my study?" he spoke to Odile.

"I will await you in your study." She waved her hand imperiously and Meg immediately felt as if they'd been dismissed.

Severus didn't speak to Morgana till they were on the staircase that led them back down to the main floor.

"So, Senga. How did you work it to come here?" He looked down at her, one eyebrow arched, but his eyes were soft.

"I refused to eat," she spoke quietly but her eyes flashed and Meg was suddenly aware that this girl wasn't as mouse like as she appeared.

"Did you? Had I been there I would have put you over my knee for such atrocious behaviour," he said sharply, but Meg was still aware of the warmth in his eyes.

"If you had been there I wouldn't have needed to starve myself," she replied instantly making Meg chuckle.

"Don't be fooled by my niece's outward appearance. She is no mouse, Professor Snape, in fact she has a very quick mind." Snape informed Meg with a sharp voice.

Senga stopped suddenly and Meg saw true apprehension in her eyes.

"Are you disappointed that I was put into Ravenclaw? I begged and begged that hat thing, but it refused to put me in Slytherin."

"I am not disappointed." He frowned slightly. "I was in fact quite proud to think you had the intelligence for Ravenclaw."

Meg watched the girl flush with happiness. She stepped forward and before Snape knew what was happening, she stood up on her toes and throwing her arms around his neck, kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for writing to me," Meg heard her whisper to Snape.

Meg felt as if she was intruding on a special moment. She stepped back slightly and turned staring intently at one of the paintings. It was a picture of a maid milking a cow that refused to stand still. Meg absently watched as the maid in a furious temper, got up and stormed out of the side of the painting leaving the cow to wander out of the other side.

"Senga. I would ask you to curtail your displays of affection until we are in private." She turned and saw Snape disentangling his niece, but not before he'd kissed her cheek.

"I like your name. It's unique!" Meg stepped back again and grinned at the girl.

"It's a darn sight better than Morgana," Snape snorted and pressing his hand into the girl's back urged her forwards.

"I like it," Senga replied. "Although of course Mother absolutely refuses to call me anything except Morgana."

"PETERS!" Snape shouted to where a fourth year Ravenclaw was about to disappear into the common room.

"I have a new first year for you, Senga Malfoy."

Meg saw Peters eyebrows go up at the name but he wisely remained quiet.

"Please take her to Professor Flitwick."

Senga gave her uncle one last tiny grin before heading off with the older Ravenclaw.

"Shall we?" Snape held out his hand towards the dungeons.

"Do we have to?" Meg asked him turning in the direction he indicated.

"Unfortunately, yes," he replied and once again rested his hand on the small of her back.

"Once more into the breach," Meg said and then frowned. "Or words to that effect."

Odile was not happy to see Meg walking into Snapes study ahead of him.

"Anything you say to me can be said to Megan; there is nothing hidden between us," Snapes voice was icy cold now it was only the three of them.

"Are you sure of that, Severus?" Odile narrowed her eyes. "There are certain things I would have thought you'd wish remained secret."

"If you are referring to Severus as a Death Eater, I can assure you I already know," Meg said sharply and sat in her chair by the fire.

"So you have told her," Odile spoke to Snape, but once again Meg cut in.

"It would be rather hard to hide the mark; considering we sleep together ever night." She spoke with asperity; her eyes slid to Snape but his face and eyes were completely blank as he transfigured a book into a chair for Odile to sit in.

"Of course." Odile sat down and crossed one long leg over the other.

"You must understand, dear, I hold nothing against you personally but…" and her eyes slid from Meg to Snape, "you have to understand what a shock I had when I found out not only had you got married, but it was so long ago. And, again no offence my dear, a muggle born witch? What on earth would father say if he knew the bloodline had been… er…. and what would he say if he thought the pureblood lines of the Snapes were to end if you have children."

Meg's hands curled into fists at the insults. Half of her wanted to stand up and slap this woman hard. The other half of her was aware that while she may be a coldhearted bitch, she was still his sister.

"I don't much care for what father would have thought. Thankfully, he is dead. Besides the Snape line will die with me. It is about time this family was brought to a halt."

"Severus!" Odile looked mortified "How could you be so heartless?"

"Quite easily," he replied. "Now, what else did you wish to discuss with me?" It was a blatant dismissal.

Meg closed her eyes at the amount of venom in the room. She had known he didn't care much for his sister, but until now she hadn't truly realised how cold towards her he was. She had never experienced anything like this before. Although her and Jack had their arguments, they had never gone more than a few hours before one or both of them apologised. She couldn't imagine living in this kind of atmosphere. It was like living in an emotional wasteland. It certainly made her more aware of why Snape was the way he was. It reminded her of that old Indian phrase; _Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his moccasins_. Or something like that. Odile's sharp voice brought her back to their conversation.

"I think that you are not in a receptive enough mood to talk at the moment. I have no idea why you are being this way but I want you to know it hurts! I am, after all, your sister!" She stood up and walked gracefully towards the door. "Lucius will be most amazed to hear how you have become. Although…." She looked over at Meg. "I am in no doubt that you have taken leave of your senses. I can just pray it is temporary. Good-day Severus." She went out and shut the door behind her.

"I was expecting her to slam it." Meg said as the door shut quietly.

Snape looked at her, his face hard and his eyes still cold.

"Odile is far too well brought up for that."

"I slam doors and I wasn't exactly dragged up," Meg informed him pointedly.

"I know you weren't dragged up. But then again you do let your emotions take control of your actions." He watched her eyebrows arch in annoyance. "And before you get all worked up, I can tell you that I would far rather you are the way you are than like Odile." He stood up and crossed to the desk, transfiguring the chair back into its true form. "I can tell exactly where I stand with you. With Odile you never know what is truly going on it that brain of hers. And that makes her very dangerous."

"She was quite miffed when you mentioned about the Snape line ending with you. I suppose Damien is a Malfoy." Meg was fishing for further information.

"Indeed."

"Erm…" Meg frowned wondering how to prise it out of him. "You were serious then."

"Deadly serious."

"Um… why?"

"Megan, are you telling me you want to have a child?" his face was blank once more.

"Oh, no." She shook her head, no she wasn't ready for children any more than he was. Besides she had never considered herself the maternal type, thankfully. "I was just wondering why you were so intent on your family ending with you. You said it as if…." She faltered again, unsure of how to put it.

"Just say it, Megan," he sighed wearily.

"Well, you made it sound as if being a Death Eater was more of the friendlier things your lot have got up to."

He snorted but it wasn't with amusement.

"It probably was." He came back from the desk and took her hands in his pulling her up to stand in front of him.

"The Dark Arts has been going a lot longer than Voldemort. Have you heard of Grindelwald?"

Yes, I take it your family was behind that particular uprising as well?"

"Never publicly of course; completely behind the scenes, but that's missing the point. The Snape name is synonymous with black magic."

"Until you," she pointed out. "You're one of the good guys."

"Now maybe, although calling me a "good guy" is perhaps a trifle too strong. And I doubt greatly whether any of the students would agree with you." He winced slightly.

"You're a good guy to me," she whispered and slid her arms around his waist. "And I don't care what's in your past."

"I was lucky to find you. But I am even luckier to have you love me." He buried his face into the side of her neck. "I was afraid you would meet Odile and run the other way."

"Severus! I told you, I married you, not your sister. And I think I'm the lucky one, to know that you love me."

"I do," he replied deeply.

"I suppose, and no disrespect here, we haven't seen the back of her, have we?"

"I don't think so." He pulled away slightly to look down at her. "I know I said this before and failed, but I mean it when I say I won't allow Odile to hurt you."

"Thank you. But it's Senga who concerns me more."

"Why?" he seemed surprised at her words.

"She's a child, Severus, growing up in what I would imagine is very cold conditions and I don't mean the temperature."

"She's not as hard as I was." Snape conceded and stepped towards the chair, taking her with him. He sat down and settled her onto his lap. "Neither is she like her mother I'm glad to say."

"She needs love and affection if she is to mature properly."

"Something you know more about than I do," he said quietly. He tugged her down onto his chest so he could rest his chin on the top of her head.

"It doesn't have to be hugs and cuddles. Words sometimes have more effect than touch."

He frowned darkly, his black eyes staring into space.

"Sometimes…" he stopped, his hands linked around her back. "Sometimes I envy you your childhood."

"And I wish I could give it to you, " she replied, pulling back to look down into his dark, unguarded eyes.

She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled sadly at him.

"If I could, I would give you every minute of happiness I ever had." She felt a tear roll down her face. He lifted his hand and wiped it away.

"I don't need your memories. I have you. And the happiness you give me is all I will ever need; no matter where time takes us." He pulled her face down to his and kissed her softly, gently.

A/N:

A big thanks to everyone who reads this. I just hope you enjoyed it.

Odile may sound like a huge flight of fancy, which she is, but I wanted her to be the essence of why Snape is the way he is.

Just a few comments and thanks…

Thanks to mcmish for your email. It was nice to receive that when I was feeling low. And to:

Calvin: Thank you for your review. It made me feel warm to know that people who have never seen each other in the flesh can still feel empathy. It restored my faith in human nature, right when I needed it. I hope you feel better now too. Thanks!

Mione: We will find out what Harry is up too. Also Jack as well if anyone is interested.

Lunarmouse: Yes you're right, there will be a baby. I love babies… and I'm getting very broody recently as my friend has just had an adorable little boy. About time my little girl had a brother or sister! (sees husband running for the hills shrieking insanely)

Gumlick the Rickmaniac: Yup! She's a Snape now. Typing Kincaid-Snape was too much for the old fingers.

Chary: It's gonna be a new story (if you've read the new chapter 24 you'll see why.) I'm way too lazy to start a new story so I'll add it on here. If it helps I can let you know when I update if you want. Sorry!

Laura: Excellent point. I had actually typed a few honeymoons out but wasn't happy with them, so I've re-figured ch.24 and I'll end the last story in that chapter. You were quite right. It started as an epilogue and then as usual the old imagination was working overtime and it became another story. Which is why it seems so messy. Sorry!

Redmond: Thanks for the words! They say it far better than my Swedish proverb (which I am sure I've got wrong anyway!)

Just a quick note on Odile: I called her that because I wanted to get across what's she like. In my world Odile is like the black swan in Swan Lake. Beautiful but deadly. Which incidentally, is why Snape gave her the music box with the white swan Odette on it. To Snape, Meg is his white swan compared to Odile. His saviour and his true love. ( okay so that's maybe a bit much but you know what I mean. I hope!)

Humble apologies for atrocious spelling and grammar errors!

Another thing I'd like to add…. I think you have such great pen names! Some of them are just amazing! Makes my little Starlight pale into unworthiness (part from the fact I was completely stumped for ideas. It kinda sprang it on me when I joined up. Didn't know I'd need one! (in the infamous Homer voice duh!) in my defence I was listening to a song that had starlight in the words… light bulb goes on over head! I'll be starlight! My husband takes the mickey out of me something chronic. He says I should have gone for something more appropriate like Weirdo. He has a point!

Anyway, thanks to everyone who reads this, whether you review or not. I just hope it was worth your time and you enjoyed it!

Have a great day!


	26. An early April fools? Please?

* * *

Updated March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer: Wish I did own it, but I don't. sighs

Hope you enjoy!

_I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything is made to be broken;_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_Iris_

_Goo Goo Dolls_

Meg was sitting marking a stack of scrolls. Well, she was supposed to be marking, but in reality she was staring into space, her quill posed over the essay. She was thinking over the events of yesterday; when she had met Odile, Severus' sister.

She had known a little about his past, had known he had a sister and she'd heard him mention Senga after letters from her; but she'd had no idea that his brother in law was a Malfoy. Now she'd had to meet Odile, she realised it would have nicer to have more than ten minutes to get used to the idea of the Snapes and the Malfoy being related. And, of course, some time to get used to the idea that by means of her tie to Severus she was now allied with the Malfoy's as well. She had made it clear to Severus that she had married him not his sister; but in the wizarding society, marriage ties were as good as blood ties. By the mere fact she was now the sister in law of Odile Malfoy she had a connection to the Malfoy's. The tie would run deep, and as long as she bore the name Snape, the connection would be there.

"They won't mark themselves. Although I must admit it would be much easier if they did," a slow deep voice made her jump and the quill splattered over the scroll, making her curse.

A wand flick from behind her and it was cleaned up.

"Severus! Can't you see I'm working, why must you always creep up on me?" she slammed her quill down, a flash of irritation running through her making her voice sharp and high.

"I do not creep," he said miffed. "This arrived this morning. I want you to go to Madam Malkin's and get something appropriate." He threw a gold embossed card onto the scrolls and turning walked into the bedroom, letting the door bang shut behind him.

Meg slumped, her head going into her hands. Sometimes she wished she could cut her tongue out; these days she always seemed to say things she really regretted after.

Her eyes went to the card and all thoughts of her tongue went straight out of her head as alarm and a certain amount of fear went through her.

"No way!" she cried out, jumping to her feet and picking up the card she went through to the bedroom where Snape had just gone.

"Oh no," she cried as she entered the room.

He looked up from where he was reading "Potions Monthly".

"I am not going there, no way!"

He raised one eyebrow and went back to reading the paper; which annoyed her no end.

"Severus!" She went across to him and dropped the card right on top of the article he was reading. "You aren't seriously expecting us to go are you?"

"Odile and Lucifer are staying with Lucius for the next couple of weeks. It is only reasonable that we would eventually get an invitation to dinner there," he replied coolly.

"We haven't up till now," she pointed out sharply.

"We have actually, but until now I have been able to extricate ourselves without being too obvious."

"Oh right," she snapped. "And you were going to tell me this when?" Sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"I saw no reason to tell you when I knew that it would invoke this kind of reaction from you. Besides, you know now." His voice was level, deep and with no sign of emotion.

"Right, silly me!" She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Well you can just extricate us out of it again!"

"I can't," he said and brushed aside the card to return to the paper. His grip on the paper giving away the irritation that was rapidly turning to anger.

"There is no way you're getting me inside that mans house."

"Odile is my sister," he spoke slowly as if she were a five year old. "There are certain appearances which have to be kept up."

"Sod the appearances, Severus! That man is a maniac, bloody hell he should be in Azkaban for what he did…" She saw the cold anger fill his face before it became closed. She'd put her foot in it once more.

"Maybe so, but it remains the same. Odile is a very powerful witch; the Malfoy's hold a lot of sway in the wizarding world. Combine the two and you have a very formidable mix."

"Everyone knows he's as guilty as sin. Only his money got him out of it." Once again she hit a bit too close to home when he winced at her words, but she ignored it, hardening herself to it.

"And my money supposedly got me out it too."

"I wasn't saying that you were….."

"I know," he snapped and threw the paper to one side before getting up and beginning to pace.

"The problem being, Megan, is that appearances must still be kept up, more now than ever!"

"Why?" she all but screamed at him

"Senga," he spoke the name quietly and it had more affect on her than if he'd roared it at her.

"I see." She closed her eyes briefly as realisation sank in.

"I doubt it," he sighed and came to stand in front of her. "Odile thinks, along with Malfoy, that I bought my freedom with money. She has never really forgiven me for what she considers to be "wasting a huge amount of money." But the fact remains that she has no idea that I helped supply information to Albus. But she doesn't like me, never has." He gripped her upper arms and held her so he could look down into her eyes.

Megan sighed deeply, bringing her hands to rest on his chest. Her fingers clenched the cotton white shirt. His words were so cold and once again she was reminded that there was no love lost between the two Snape siblings.

"Odile would only send Senga here as a last option. Something more must have been going on there than we were led to believe by Senga. However, the point being, Odile is reluctantly letting Senga stay here because she believes that I am the same person I was several years ago."

Meg closed her eyes again and moved forward resting her forehead on his chest.

"To keep Senga here, safe, I have to keep Odile thinking that Senga will be taught all we were. She doesn't know who I am anymore. Only you do," he faded out, his arms going around her back to hold her close.

"Which means we have to go to this dinner," she sighed, resigning herself to it. Meg felt shivers of fear go through her but she quickly shoved it aside, after all what on earth could happen?

"Which means we go to this dinner," he agreed quietly. "I have Senga here; I want to keep her here. I want to give her the kind of start we never had. I've already lost thirteen years, I don't want to loose any more."

"I didn't think you liked children, or anyone for that matter."

"I don't like children; but Senga is blood. Besides with a bit of help we can cure her of the affliction of being a child. It may take a few years but it can be done," he mocked her gently.

"That's big of you." Meg smiled weakly at him.

"Isn't it? Do you think they'd give the Order of Merlin for my fearless courage?" he smirked at her.

"No. Although you may get the Order of Rogues. What is it about people under the age of twenty one that you find so horrendous?"

"Where do I start? How about the constant and unerring ability to create utter mayhem, sticky fingers, snotty noses; the inability to understand the concept behind the word "no"; do you want me to go on?" he asked her dryly.

"No. I think I have the picture!" she laughed. A glint came into her eyes that he didn't miss. "So if we're going to this dinner do I get to spend an inordinate amount of money on a dress then?" she looked up at him, her eyes filled with mischief.

"You do. And all those accessories you women so love to have."

"I have to accessorise?" she blinked in mock awe. "Goodness… jewelled shoes and beaded handbags here I come."

He narrowed his eyes at her before lowering his mouth to hers.

"Just make sure it's something that can be easily removed afterwards," he murmured against her lips making her chuckle into his mouth.

* * *

Meg was bored. She didn't like Staff meetings at the best of times. She sat at the table, her chin in her hands; her eyes fixed on where Neville was precariously trying to balance his quill on its tip without magic.

"Now then…" Albus clapped his hands together. "Any other business?"

"Yes," Poppy looked across at Meg who didn't notice.

"My last batch of Pepper-up potion was completely useless."

This got Meg's attention. She looked up quickly, sitting up straight.

"What?"

"I started on it today with a first year Hufflepuff who caught a cold; made no difference at all."

"None of it works?" Meg frowned and blinked a few times.

"No. I went through every bottle. None of them work."

Meg scratched her chin and looked at Snape who was sitting beside her. He arched an eyebrow at her; she frowned and looked back at Poppy.

"It would appear Longbottom, that some of your ineptitude in potions has rubbed off on your former teacher,"Snape drawled slyly, his eyes mocking Meg.

"Did you brew that last batch then, Severus?" asked Neville, his whole face completely innocent, only his eyes gleamed with mischief.

"The only lasting effect you had on me, Longbottom was utter relief when you left my classroom for the last time," Snape replied silkily.

"At last we agree on something." Neville grinned at him before winking broadly at Meg who was still frowning, paying little attention to the usual word games going on.

"I have no idea what went wrong," Meg said quietly. "I'm very sorry, Poppy. I'll brew you up a new batch as soon as I figure what went wrong."

"An ingredient gone off perhaps?" Albus asked gently.

"Sounds like it," Meg nodded. "Although how that happened I have no idea!"

"Not to worry, although I would appreciate having a new batch as soon as possible," Poppy spoke up.

Minerva leaned forward slightly and refilled her coffee cup from the pot that stood in the middle of the table.

"Must have been a shock Severus, seeing your only niece sorted in Ravenclaw," she spoke quietly, her sharp eyes glinting with humour.

"Not at all, Minerva," he replied softly. "I was quite proud."

"And so you should be Severus," piped up Filius. "Can't quite remember when I had such a bright child. Although I have to admit she is very quiet. Extremely reserved and she has no friends yet."

"Probably the name that holds her up there," Neville remarked. "Malfoys aren't exactly held with appreciation here."

Severus eyed Filius sharply.

"Is she causing any trouble at all?"

"No. No!" He shook his head and blinked a few times. "Quite on the contrary, if it weren't for the papers handed in with her name on them I wouldn't even know she was there."

Meg rubbed her eyes feeling the beginnings of a headache starting.

"Would anyone object if I left now? I really want to see which ingredient needs changing."

"Not at all," Albus smiled at her. "I think we're rather finished here for the day, except for some nice coffee."

"I will help you," Severus stood up and together they left the room.

"Do you want to have Senga come and see you some time?" she asked as they headed to her storeroom in the dungeons.

"What for?" he asked, his face showing his surprise at her suggestion.

"Well, y'know, see how she's getting on, talk with her. It might be nice for her to have time to see you."

"Nice?" he looked at her as if she'd just suggested he referee a game of Quidditch stark naked.

"Yes, Severus, nice, pleasant; encouraging for her."

"She may be my niece but I will not treat her any differently than the rest of the students," he spoke sharply.

They reached the storeroom and she let them in.

"Severus. I have to admit I'm confused, I thought you said you wanted to keep her safe. To give her the start she never had. How are you going to do that if you won't even speak to her on a one to one?"

He blinked and sat down on the only chair in the storeroom. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he hadn't actually considered anything.

"Honestly, Severus." She faced him with her hands on her hips. "What did you have planned then?"

"Well," He frowned darkly his eyebrows meeting in the middle. "Well, she'll have the benefit of studying in Hogwarts."

"You had that," Meg pointed out softly. "I think it's safe to assume Odile did too."

"She'll have the knowledge that I'm here."

Meg rose her eyebrows at that last statement.

"She's going to need a bit more than just the knowledge you're here. She's going to hear and see how you act towards the students. What more could a girl want than the knowledge that living in the dungeons is an old bat of an uncle. One who is feared by the students, grunts instead of talking, spits at you when he shouts and takes points if someone so much as breaths in his presence."

"That's a bit harsh," he defended hotly.

"Not from the student's point of view." She laughed and went to perch on his knee, linking her arms around his neck.

"If you want to help this girl you have to learn to communicate with her!"

"Learn to communicate?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"On her level!" She suppressed a laugh at the look of pure horror on his face.

"No, No." He shook his head, "Besides you're the woman, you'd do all that girl stuff much better."

"She's not my niece."

"Well, technically she is," he smirked.

"Severus!"

"She is," he said innocently. "You could take her shopping with you. Paint your toes together or whatever it is you women do."

"Have you ever seen my toenails polished?" she asked dryly. "Besides she's thirteen; She should be playing with dolls not painting her nails."

"Dolls?" Severus eyebrows shot up.

"I had a tiny tears doll," Meg defended herself. "I spent hours with Sarah and her doll."

"Is this a muggle thing? I don't recall Odile having a doll."

"I can't imagine her with one. Actually thinking about it, I don't suppose Senga will have one. Odile may not have encouraged that kind of behaviour," she mused, twirling a strand of his hair around her finger and checking it for split ends absently.

"I would have thought she would be too old for a doll anyway," he sighed shaking away her hands from his hair.

"A girl is never too old for a doll; it just depends on the type of doll. You can get really lovely ornate ones. Not really for playing with, but as an ornament."

"Ah," he nodded. "Like that pink thing you have hidden in your wardrobe." He saw her blush madly and chuckled wickedly.

"How do you know about Sugar Plum?"

"Sugar Plum?" he asked in obvious doubt.

"That's her name. My father gave her to me when I left school. She's not for playing with! She's worth a fortune now as she's a collector's doll. But that's beside the point; what were you doing snooping in my wardrobe?"

"I was not snooping," he huffed. "I was hanging up the clothes you left lying around as usual!"

"A fine excuse," she snorted wickedly.

"And the only one you'll get," he replied sharply. "You don't want me in your wardrobe, learn to tidy up after yourself!"

"You could just leave my things where I put them," she pointed out, happy to wind him up.

"Put? Don't you mean drop?" he said silkily. "Besides I got fed up wading through a vast landscape of discarded clothes in a vain attempt to locate the bed."

"Your nose is big enough, you should be able to smell it." She ran a finger down his nose to make her point.

"You are asking for some discipline, Professor Snape," he growled catching her fingertip between his teeth.

"Really?" she grinned at him waggling her eyebrows as he released her finger with a quick flick of his tongue.

"Get off and start looking for this ingredient." He pushed her not too gently till she stood up from his knee.

"Yes, sir!" She mock saluted him and was rewarded by a slap on her rear end.

"So what do you suggest I do with Senga?" he asked her some minutes later when they were going through all the ingredients in the potion.

"Why don't we spend the weekend together with her? We could go to my home."

"Your home?" He hadn't considered this.

"Yes. We could get permission from Albus, leave Friday night and return Sunday afternoon. No pressure from school might help you to get to know each other more."

"And what do we say to every other student that asks for the same thing?"

"She's just moved here, from a completely different country; a different way of life. I don't think there are many students that will have those circumstances. Besides can you truly see another student asking to spend a weekend with you?"

He looked at her, his eyes narrowed and he threw a packet at her.

"Your tongue is too sharp by half young lady. Just a shame your eyes aren't quite so sharp! You have an entire packet of Dinfweed petals here that are completely useless."

She caught the packet and looked in at the shrivelled petals that instead of being a bright blue, where now an indigo violet colour.

"I…oh!" She frowned and set the packet down. "Oh well at least we know now." She rolled her eyes at him. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me," he snorted. "You're the one that has to brew three cauldrons of Potion."

"Can't it be a bonding thing? Y'know, a moment of marital bliss as we stand side by side over two shimmering cauldrons, holding hands and gazing lovingly into each others eyes?" she suggested mildly.

He arched an eyebrow at her and shook his head.

"You've been reading too many romance novels again, haven't you?"

"Well that's one thing you'll never be accused of! Romance!"

"You have no thoughts of romance either, only getting me to help you with the potions."

"Has it worked?"

"No."

"Have I told you lately how mean you are?"

"No. But I'm always willing to hear you whisper such sweet nothings into my ear."

Meg laughed unable to think of a quick enough comeback.

"Although having said that." He stepped up to her and catching her round the waist spun her round to face him; he bent her slightly backwards and leered over her.

"I am all for a bit of bonding of the other nature."

"Would I be able to blackmail you into helping me?" She grinned up at him, catching his shoulders to help support her weight.

He arched his eyebrows at her, his hair sweeping forward to settle either side of her face.

"You may. It depends on how persuasive you are," he murmured.

"Oh!" She lifted her head slightly and her lips hovered inches from his.

"Shall we retire to our rooms then, Professor Snape? What I have planned isn't really fitting for a storeroom."

"I see you are accomplished in the art of blackmail then," he whispered against her lips.

"Well, I did learn from a master."

* * *

Meg was sitting on the edge of the bed, her face very pale.

"Problem?" Severus was already half dressed. He was buttoning up the stiff-necked white shirt he wore under his black frock-coat. His black eyes watching her as she still sat with her night-dress on. It was a Friday morning and her first class wasn't till later on. But she always got up with him and they would eat breakfast together in the hall before he would go and teach his first class.

But today, Meg wasn't feeling at all well; she had no desire to eat and just wanted to stay in bed.

"Don't feel too good," she admitted and closed her eyes briefly before standing up and moving across to where her clothes lay in a pile on the chair. She would still get up and go with him, maybe moving around would help her feel better.

"Headache?"

"No. Just my tummy feels a bit squicky."

"Squicky? What is squicky?"

"Y'know. A bit uneasy, sick."

"Well, why don't you say so then. Sometimes I'm sure you speak in your very own language." He came across to her placing his hand across her forehead. "You don't feel hot; maybe you're hungry."

"Maybe," she replied listlessly as she began to get dressed.

He sat on the bed and watched her a frown between his eyes; the fingers of one hand slid back and forth across his chin.

She looked up and cocked an eyebrow at him, aware he was watching her closely.

"What?"

"Nothing. Are you ready?"

"Yes." She nodded and he stood up.

They left the rooms, Meg's hands stuck in the pockets of her robe as she walked; wishing for once she could take his hand. She didn't know why she felt that way, usually it didn't bother her in the slightest, but today, she wanted his touch.

"You'll be pleased to know that I put your idea to Albus last night and he sees no reason why we can't take Senga away for the weekend. Why do you suggest your home and not mine?" he asked her as they walked up the dungeon stairs.

"My house is close to the sea and other places. There are quite a few adventure parks there as well. She won't get quite so bored."

"Ah, yes, I'd forgotten how boring my home is," his tone was slightly offended and she realised he was thinking about the remarks she made to Remus.

"Oh for goodness sake, Severus, don't get all snotty with me. I am merely thinking from the perspective of an thirteen year old that's all. I love Snape Manor, but Senga is a child. She won't thank you for cooping her up all weekend."

"I was not getting "snotty" and you soeloquently put it," he snapped and taking her elbow led her into the hall, which was fairly empty still.

"Yes, you were," she replied smartly and sat down. The serving dishes in front of her immediately filled with bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms and toast.

She picked a slice of toast and watched as Severus filled his plate with a bit of everything.

"Your appetite has improved since I met you," she remarked chewing lazily on a corner of toast.

"Where as yours has gone down hill. Don't you want the bacon?" he frowned at her empty plate.

She looked at the bacon, it had been fried and the grease shone in the candlelight. A wave of nausea hit her before she could even blink. She slapped her hand to her mouth and getting up raced from the great hall.

She only just made it the staff toilets before bringing up what little toast she had swallowed along with a good deal of bile. It burnt her mouth and throat and made her feel decidedly worse.

She was leaning over the basin, washing her face with cool water when the door was opened and Severus came striding in concern dark on his face.

"Severus!" She stood up, water dripped form her face. "You can't come in here, it's the ladies!"

"I can if you are ill," he retorted and again felt her forehead. "I will take you to Poppy."

"No. I'm not that bad. I must have eaten something that's all."

"I don't think it's what you've eaten." His lips tightened into a thin line. "Do as I tell you for once. I don't want to hear later on how you have thrown up into someone's cauldron!" A sneer formed on his lips.

"All right. All right! But she'll just give me that damn Pepper-up potion and tell me to stop eating junk food. You know her!"

"She can't give you pepper-up potion you haven't made any more yet." He stopped suddenly, his eyes narrowed as he glared down at her

"What's up?"

"Nothing; come on." He took her elbow gently and led her from the room.

Meg frowned and shook her head at him, letting him lead her.

"I feel fine now!" She patted her stomach gently. "It must have been something I ate. I could go back to breakfast now."

He didn't say anything just tightened his grip on her elbow and propelled her forwards.

Meg gave up, knowing that when he got this way, unless she wanted to start a shouting match with him in the hall she might as well just give in.

* * *

"No!" She shook her head at the older woman. "No. I can't be."

"Well, you are." Poppy beamed at the younger woman who was lying back on the bed.

"I'd say about ten weeks."

"No. No. You don't understand; I can't be. I had my period, and I take a potion each morning."

"Did you bleed as badly as usual?"

"Well, no. But then…"

"I found nothing wrong, but if you start to bleed again you must come up here straight away."

"No, wait!" Meg was beginning to get frantic with the other woman. "I am _NOT_ pregnant. Can you imagine what Severus would say?"

"I would imagine he'd get over it. Besides it's always different with your own."

"You're joking right? Is this an early April fools? Did Jack set you up to do this?" Meg suddenly brightened at that thought. "He did, didn't he! Rotten devil!"

"Megan!" Poppy sat beside her and placed the tip of her wand on her belly. "Listen."

She cast a sound amplifying spell and then quite clearly a little heartbeat could be heard. It was much faster than her own heartbeat; it was almost racing away.

"I would say from the speed of the heartbeat that you are carrying a little girl."

Meg blinked at the other woman.

"I can't be," she muttered and closing her eyes groaned loudly.

"It can't be all that bad surely," Poppy said gently.

Meg opened her eyes and stared at the woman.

"This is Severus we're talking about. Remember? The man who can't stand anything under twenty-one; thinks children should be incarcerated until they come of age. How on earth do I tell him that not only am I pregnant, but that it's his."

"Of course it's his! He won't doubt that."

"I know he won't," she snapped. "I can't tell him. I just can't."

"You have to. Besides, he'll start to notice if he already hasn't guessed. He's an astute man Meg, don't underestimate him."

"If he has guessed already then he'll be heading for the hills as we speak," she snapped back dryly.

"I think perhaps you are over reacting a little. You of all people should know that there is more to Severus that he shows on the outside."

"Not when it comes to kids there isn't. Besides! I'm not ready to be a mother! A mother? Oh god!" It sank in then exactly what it meant. "I'm going to be a mother!"

"Yes, my dear. And I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to be a parent. It's something that you learn as you go."

"NO." She shook her head again. "I can't be a mother! I'm hardly responsible for myself how on earth can I be responsible for another person."

Poppy's eyes were sad as she watched Meg begin to sweat in true panic.

"There are…." She stopped reluctant to say this. "Other options; adoption, termination."

"Kill it?" Meg was horrified. "Oh no!"

Poppy's face cleared considerably when she heard Meg's response.

"Give it time, dear. It's been a shock; tell Severus and talk it over together. It'll all come alright in the end."

"Is Severus still around?"

"I'll go and see." Poppy stood up and left the cubicle.

Meg jumped of the bed, panic making her movements jerky and nervous.

The curtains moved again and she heard him glide into the room.

"Everything all right?" he asked quietly.

"Fine!" She turned and avoiding his eyes completely shrugged. "Just um… a… um bug."

"A bug?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, a bug!" She nodded and bustled about, straightening the sheets she had been lying on.

"What kind of bug?" he persisted immediately knowing something was wrong by the way she was acting.

"What?" Meg jumped as he came up to her.

"What kind of bug?" His face was impassive and his eyes shuttered against his emotions.

"Oh er… y'know, the usual." She shot past him and out the cubicle. "I have to go, Severus. I have a class in ten minutes. See you later!" She all but ran from the room.

Severus stood inside the cubicle and ran a hand across his face.

Poppy pulled the curtains open after having witnessed Meg's headlong rush form her ward.

"Okay?"

Severus looked round his face impassive and dark.

"Obviously." He turned and with his robes sweeping out behind him he left the ward, his head high.

"Oh, dear," muttered Poppy as she shook her head.

A/N: Well, my plot line is a transparent as glass so it must be pretty obvious what's going on. sighs I'm no good at the intrigue that some of you guys do so well!

I hope that you continue to like it anyway and that you don't get too disappointed!

Rhubarb: A huge thank you for reading and making it to the end. I just hope you don't suffer from sleep depravation now!

Krusty: Thanks for the encouragement.

Mione: A big huge compliment! Thanks! I'm glad you don't like her, you're not supposed to, so your words made me

feel much better.

A huge thank you to everyone who is reading this. I just hope you carry on enjoying it.

Have a nice day wherever you are!


	27. What do we do now?

Updated. March 2008

Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to anything in the Potterverse. Bloomsbury, J.K. Rowling and Warner own the lot.

I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get this out. I just hope that you enjoy what I have managed to write!

* * *

Meg wasn't sure how she got through the rest of the day, but she did. And now she was stood in her classroom, the last student of the day had just left shutting the door behind them. She looked round the classroom and let go a deep sigh she hadn't realised she was holding. 

She used her wand to tidy the last pieces of equipment away and then she sank down onto her chair and rested her chin in her hands as she stared down at her desk.

She had made herself shut off all emotions, all thoughts of this morning. It was easy for her; she'd spent nearly nine years shutting off her emotions, burying them to the back of her mind. So she had done the same with Poppy's words to her.

But now, as she sat with nothing to occupy her mind, those words came back to her.

Pregnant.

Motherhood.

Words she thought would never apply to her. She wasn't maternal. Not in the slightest. Children were something other people had, not her; and certainly not Severus.

Oh Merlin, Severus!

What on earth would he say, how would he react?

She wasn't sure she wanted to know. But she had to tell him; he had to know. After all was said and done getting pregnant wasn't exactly something she managed single-handedly. He'd been there as well.

She buried her face in her hands groaning aloud. She was starting to feel sick again.

It had come and gone all day, but each time she'd been able to push it away. She hadn't eaten anything all day long and now she could feel the emptiness in her stomach, along with a feeling of nausea that told her the moment she ate anything she'd bring it straight back up.

Her door opened and she shot up straight.

"Megan? I knocked but you didn't answer. Are you okay?"

Meg looked across at where Hillary Hooch was coming into the room.

"Hillary!" Meg smiled at the woman and motioned her in.

"I forgot you were coming, sorry! Everything is fine."

"I brought you this. Jack said if you want you can come over nextweekend and sort through the sale of the house."

Meg had forgotten all about the fact they were going to sell the house and split the proceeds between them. Jack and Hillary had a tiny cottage together in Hogsmede which made it easy for Hillary to carry on working at Hogwarts and easy for Jack to still run his Photography Studio. Meg stayed with Severus in their suite of rooms in the dungeons and at holidays they went to his house in the Black Mountains in Wales. So it seemed silly that their parent's house stood empty when it could be sold and the money shared between them.

"Yes. I wanted to talk to Jack about that. Severus was going to ask Albus if we could take Senga there for a weekend for them to get to together without everyone else around."

"Ah yes!" Hillary came and perched on one of the desks in front of Meg. "Senga is definitely a chip off the old block isn't she? Apart from her uncle I've never met anyone so able to push people away without even saying anything."

"Still no friends?" Meg frowned. She had hoped that Senga would have fitted in and found some friends by now.

"No. I think the others are a bit in awe of her. She's got the name Malfoy and it hasn't taken long for it to spread whose niece she is. I would feel sorry for her if it wasn't for the fact that she really doesn't seem to care."

"Good at hiding her feelings?"

"I thought so, but it's more than that. She just truly doesn't seem to care. She's always the last one to either be picked or paired off."

"She must feel it!" Meg sat back and tapped her quill against her lower lip. "I was like that. Always the last to be chosen for sports; probably due to the fact that being an overweight child I couldn't move very fast, it still hurt, Hillary. No matter how much I laughed it off, it still hurt."

"But she deliberately flits about. For example if we're picking two teams she moves back constantly, making herself be the last to be picked."

"How does she fly?"

"Like her uncle; as if she were born on a broomstick!" Hillary laughed.

"Sickening!" Meg shook her head with a smile and set her quill down. "I'll tell Severus. Maybe we can work something out when we can get her alone."

"Okay, what do you want me to tell Jack?"

"Oh Merlin. I keep forgetting. I can't make it next weekend. We've been given the royal command from the Ice Queen; dinner at the Malfoys."

"You're joking!" Hillary ran a hand through her short spikey hair. "Lucius and Narcissus?"

"Yeah, worse though; Lucifer and Odile as well. That's why we've been summoned. They want to check out what kind of wife Severus has picked for himself." Meg looked at Hillary and narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Stop that! You have no idea how much it reminds me of Severus." Hillary laughed "They always say that a person starts taking on the characteristics of their pets."

"Severus? My pet? Now there's a thought," Meg giggled. "Although I really can't see him wandering around our room with a dog lead on."

"No, no, girl!" Hillary laughed. "Not wandering, crawling! Besides I meant that maybe you're picking up his habits."

Meg snorted and shrugged her shoulders.

"Heaven forbid! Look I wanted you to help me. I need to go into Madam Malkin's. I need to find something that will keep Odile's mouth shut!"

Hillary's eyebrows rose as she watched the look of distaste that crossed Meg's face.

"You really don't like her, do you?"

"I think the feeling is mutual."

"I don't doubt it!" Hillary laughed. "When did you want to go?"

"Oh thanks!" Meg sighed in relief one thing sorted in her mind. "Early Saturday morning? I can meet you there."

"Okay! I'll let Jack know about the house. He's in no real rush to sell it."

"We have to sort out the furniture and things. I know there's a lot of his stuff still in the loft." Meg stood up and straightened her robes. Hillary nodded and slipped down of the desk.

"I'll see you tomorrow then!"

Hillary went out of the room, while Meg procrastinated over the scrolls that needed marking.

She waited till Hillary had shut the door and sank back down into her chair again, just as the door opened again. Meg thought it was Hillary again and didn't bother looking up from the scrolls she had pulled towards her.

"Everything, okay?"

"You tell me," came a soft deep voice.

Meg's head snapped up as she looked across at where Snape stood in the doorway. His arms were folded over his chest, his hair framing the sides of his face. It was a bit flyaway at the moment, looking decidedly ruffled as it always did after he washed it.

"Severus." Meg shuffled the scrolls and took a deep breath. "I'm…er… I need to talk to you. Do you have time now?"

He frowned and watched as she stood up, still clutching the scrolls.

"I'll make time," he intoned as she came to stand in front of him. He made no move to stand aside. He just stood, frowning down at her.

"I would rather talk in our rooms," she said quietly, her eyes level with the top button of his waist-coat.

He stepped back wordlessly and watched her with narrowed eyes as she scuttled past him and down to their rooms. He followed slowly, his face impassive.

She waited till he had shut the door and then she placed the scrolls gently down on the desk.

"Well, you see…. It seems as if…." she dried up and swallowed hard there was only one way to do this.

"I'm pregnant." She looked up at him, straight into deep black eyes.

"I know," he replied, still standing by the door; his arms still folded across his chest.

"You know?" Meg's mouth fell open. "Did Poppy tell you? How do you know? I only found out this morning. She told you…"

"Of course she didn't tell me!" he snapped. "You should know Poppy better than that. I didn't need to be told. Anyone with half a brain would come to the same conclusion."

"What?" she gaped at him still, watching as he moved away from the door and slid his robes off, he hung them on the coat stand and began to take hisfrock coat off.

"It didn't take a huge amount of intellect. You've been…" He turned and pinned her with dark hard eyes. "on edge for quite a while. I wondered briefly when I found that box of Dinfweed and then this morning…."

"Oh, Merlin!" Meg slapped her hand against her forehead as it sank in what he'd said. "That bloody box of Dinfweed. I forgot! If it was useless in the Pepper-up potions it wouldn't have worked in the anti-conception potion!" She sat down hard on the chair by the fire.

"Quite," he replied sitting down opposite her. He steepled his fingers together under his chin watching as Meg leant her head back and closed her eyes.

"How stupid!" She banged her head repeatedly against the chair back. "Well, I screwed that up brilliantly, didn't I?" She was suddenly aware of his hands on either side of her face, holding her head still.

"What is done is done," he said quietly, his eyes still reflecting little emotion. "No blame can be cast here, Megan."

"But if I'd been more careful…."

"Hindsight." He stood back letting go of her face.

She stared up at him, her eyes narrowing.

"You're taking this remarkable well. I thought you'd be furiously angry with me!"

"Angry?" he arched one eyebrow at her. "I'm not angry with you. I can't say I'm in seventh heaven either though. I do not like children, I never have and I never will."

"You should have lived in Bolvaria," she sighed and curled her feet under her.

"Pardon?"

"It's a film. A muggle film "Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang!"

"I beg your pardon?" he stared down at her as if she'd lost her mind, which she was beginning to think was quite possible.

"The Queen in the film is scared of children so they are banned."

"I'm not afraid of children, I simply do not like them. But this all seems rather pointless now, doesn't it?" He sank down into the chair and ran a hand across his face.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered quietly, she felt so conflicted inside; but the main feeling was definitely fear. She needed him to hold her and tell her it was okay; even though it was far from okay in reality.

"What is there to do?" he replied.

"Poppy…. Poppy…." Meg faded out, unwilling to say the options they had out loud. She wasn't sure why.

"Poppy what?"

"Said that… um…"

Snape sighed and sat forward quickly, his patience at an end.

"Poppy said what?" he demanded, his voice icy cold and hard as rock.

"Abortion or adoption." The words left her lips in a whisper but he heard. He sat back, obviously not expecting that.

"No." He shook his head. "I will not allow you to choose either option. We cannot shirk our responsibilities just because it doesn't suit us."

Relief washed through Meg so strongly that she physically slumped backwards.

"I.." She stopped as she realised that the reason she hadn't wanted to tell him the options was because she was afraid he would choose one. It struck her then. She hadn't once thought about letting it go. She may not be ready to be a mother, but she sure wasn't ready to loose the child that was growing inside her. Growing inside her!

She blinked rapidly as her thoughts sank in. Her hand fluttered to lie over her belly, where the tiny creature was forming. Their creature, their creation, their child.

"It's ours," she whispered, looking at him.

He watched the transformation over her. It made him blink as he saw the almost serene look that settled over her face. He knew then that she wanted this child. He had no doubts that she was terrified; after all she had told him in no uncertain terms that she just wasn't maternal. And he had no reason to doubt that she had been lying. He was a master at reading people and a master at knowing his Megan. He was also a master at controlling his own emotions.

"Yes. I have no doubt it is mine."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know it's not." He stood up quickly and shrugged back into his frock coat doing it up quickly.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." He crossed to the hat-stand and took his winter over cloak. He slid it on and opened the door.

"Wait…" Meg shot to her feet. "Where are you going…. Why are you going?"

He could hear the panic in her voice. But he needed to be alone; he needed to think things through on his own.

"I'll be back later, Megan. Don't wait on dinner for me."

And with that he was gone, the door slamming behind him.

Meg sank back onto her chair, her heart felt bruised. She felt scared and totally alone; and quite angry with him for just walking out.

Severus Snape stood over-looking the grounds. He had climbed to the top of one of the towers and was now standing on the battlements that ran around the top. It was cold out here, especially now the sun had set and the wind was coming from the east. But he neither noticed it nor was bothered by it; his scarf was warped several times around his neck and his hands were encased in black fingerless mittens. His arms were folded across his chest, each hand buried in the opposite sleeve holding his elbows.

The wind wiped his hair lightly around his face, but he didn't move it away. Not even when several strands clung to his face and stayed there; partially obscuring the vision of his left eye. He wasn't looking at the grounds below him. He didn't see the lake spread out, the surface lit by the half moon that hung low in the sky. He was looking inside himself; looking at his memories.

His own childhood had been a sorry affair; comprising of two unequal halves, one half being very vague, very short, and full of half images of his mother. The other half being much more clearer and longer; unfortunately.

It was this half that he looked back upon now. He had been honest with Megan when he had told her that his childhood hadn't been an excuse for going down the wrong road but neither had it been a happy time.

Snape could truly say that being happy wasn't something he knew an awful lot about. Not until he met Megan that was. Megan had the ability to drive him mad with exasperation, but she had also given him the only true happiness he'd ever likely experience. It was only in her presence that he felt any sense of peace. It was because of her love and acceptance for what he was and what he had been that he was able to sleep at night.

And now she was carrying his child.

It was almost funny how some things come back to haunt you. Tempt fate and it would surely slap you right in the face.

He'd assured Odile that the Snape line would be ending with him and he had meant it. But now it seemed as if the Snape line would indeed continue. Be it a boy or girl it would be a Snape.

A shudder ran through him as the icy wind wiped around him again. He moved slightly and leaning back against the wall of the tower he slid slowly to the floor, his knees drawn against his chest. His black eyes once again seeing things he'd rather not.

It was years since he had given his father any thought. He had hated him when he was alive and death had done nothing to fade the hatred he felt for the man who had made his life so hard. His father had left him with nothing other than memories that made his skin crawl. And yet, sometimes when he had finished reading someone the riot act for something that could sometimes be extremely trivial, he realised that his father had indeed left him with more than hatred. Sometimes it didn't require a huge leap of imagination to see himself just as his father had been; hard, cold, unyielding and remote.

And now he was to be a father himself. Would he play the same part his father had? How could he avoid it when he was essentially the same person his father had been?

A few lines from an essay he had read somewhere came to his mind.

_Now what else is the whole life of mortals, but a sort of comedy, in which the various actors, disguised by various costumes and masks, walk on and play each one his part, until the manager waves them off the stage? Moreover, the manager frequently bids the same actor; go back in a different costume so that he was last but lately played the king in scarlet, now acts the flunkey in patched clothes._

Was he the flunkey that had lastly played the king? Was he his father? Would it be like father, like son?

He knew that if anything would make Meg hate him it would be to see him acting the way his father had acted with him.

Snape stood back up wrapping his cloak firmly around him as he made his way back into the tower and down the narrow winding steps.

He would not allow himself to be that way. He had far more self-control than his father ever possessed and he also had one other big difference. He loved his wife. His father had never loved anyone beside himself. He also knew that Megan loved him in return; his father had never been able to claim that about his mother who had married out of tradition and a sense of duty in keeping the bloodlines pure.

He snorted loudly as it struck him that pure bloodlines were completely irrelevant now. Megan was as Muggle born as they came. Her mother had been pure Muggle, no witches or wizards in her family history at all. His pure blood would mix with her tainted blood. Half of him wished his father was still alive to know that all the hard work over the years, all the arranged marriages within pure wizarding familes had come to nothing. He would take great delight in seeing the pure horror on his fathers face when it sank in that the family fortune and name would one day be passed onto a "mudblood" as his father had been so fond of calling them.

He swept down the deserted corridors as he made his way back to their rooms. He would tell Megan that while he could never promise to be a good father, he would promise never to repeat his history.

He may not be the outwardly affectionate loving father to their child that her father had been to her, but he could promise her that their child would have his protection, would have his backing.

He was more than a little apprehensive about the coming days. Being a father was something that he had never imagined happening to him. Not only because of his inherent dislike of children but because he had been serious when he told Odile that he had no wish to continue the Snape lineage. The Snape family over the years had done enough damage and evil in one form or other to last for eternity. The evil that seemed to be inherent in all Snapes had been part of his decision to end the line with him. Of course Odile had children with Snape blood in them, but they bore the name of Malfoy and eventually the name Snape would have just been a very bad memory for people.

But not now there would be another Snape. If it were a boy it would perpetuate the line, if it was a girl it would end with her marriage. He could just hope it was a girl. Maybe he could have her married off at fourteen, was that legal anymore? Might be worth looking into.

He stopped outside their rooms; he raised his hand and tried the door handle. He was more than a little surprised to see it was locked. He unlocked the door with his wand and went in. The rooms were completely dark. He frowned; Megan never stayed in the dark. There was always a candle burning somewhere; even at night, a small candle would be left burning in the living area in case she had to get up in the night. For months after they were first married a candle would be burning in their room at night, until eventually with a lot of coercion on his part he had finally convinced her she was safe enough with him to sleep with the light out.

She was scared of the dark, plain and simple. She couldn't explain why, he didn't even think she had a reasonable explanation.

But it didn't look right that there were no lights now. His first thought had been that she wasn't even here, but then he had realised the door had been locked on the inside. Of course she could always have used the fireplace to get out.

He stepped forward quietly and was relieved when he could hear the tiny snores coming from the bedroom. She was here and she was fast asleep. It struck him then, the fear that she had just upped and left him. Like he had walked out and left her.

He went into the room, intent on waking her and talking this whole thing through.

He used his wand to light all the candles in the room. She was flat on her stomach, her night-shirt twisted around her. Her arms were above her head tucked under the pillow.

He frowned when she didn't stir. He walked forward and sat beside her, running his fingers lazily down over the bare leg that was sticking out of the covers. Still she didn't move.

He looked around him and saw the empty bottle beside the bed. She had taken one of the sleeping potions he used to take. Shrugging he stood up and quickly stripped before sliding in beside her.

He didn't touch her; just lay on his back staring at the ceiling.

When did everything get so complicated?

He sighed and reached out to pull the drawer open on his bedside cabinet. He knew why she'd taken the potion. For the same reason he was about to; to fall asleep without his brain going over and over the same ground. To release his mind from the tangled thoughts that would, without help from the potion, keep sleep far from him.

* * *

Meg woke feeling refreshed; stretching out fully her foot connected with his leg. 

She was disorientated at first. It took several seconds for the events of the previous day to come back to her. But when they did she slumped back onto her pillow.

She was absolutely starving; she was now at the point when she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. She was momentarily pleased to find that the thought of food didn't fill her with nausea.

She rolled over and came face to face with a pair of very alert black eyes.

"Hey." She sat up slowly; pushing the hair from her face. "I think we missed breakfast." She motioned with her hand to the clock that hung on the wall.

"So I see, we still have time before start of classes. Hungry?" he asked her, sliding out of the bed and padding into the bathroom. She watched him as he went passed her. It hadn't taken him long to loose his reserve over appearing naked in front of her; whereas Meg was still unwilling and not at all happy to walk about completely naked, it just wasn't something she did, not even when she was alone; but she didn't mind admiring him.

He turned at the door to look back at her.

"Are you hungry?" he repeated, suddenly aware she had been watching him. A smirk played around his lips.

"Yes! And I don't feel sick either."

The smirk left his face as he came back over to the bed. He picked up his robe and wrapped it around him, belting it tightly at the waist, and then he sat down beside her.

"Has it been bad?"

"Not really, just gave up eating for awhile. According to Poppy I might have it for the next couple of weeks." She shrugged her eyes on the blanket she was pleating in her nervous fingers.

"Megan. I did a lot of thinking last night, before I came back here."

She looked up at him; his black eyes were glittering as he watched her.

"So did I," she replied. "Probably too much."

"I can't promise you anything…."

"No. You never can, can you?" she said quietly and slipped out of the bed to disappear into the bathroom.

"What is that suppose to mean?" he demanded, quick to follow her into the room.

"Do you mind," she snapped. "I want to use the toilet."

"So, go ahead, use it," he snapped back and leant against the sink, folding his arms. "I'm not leaving here till you explain yourself."

Meg ran a hand through her messy hair and crossed to the stand that held her hairbrush and other things. She began to brush her hair resolutely ignoring his reflection in the mirror.

"It means that when it comes down to it, Severus, you aren't prepared to let yourself get too involved."

He shook his head at her, his frown dark and angry,

"I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"In the beginning you couldn't promise me anything from our relationship. You couldn't promise me that you wouldn't one day kick me out. Then you decide you do love me and that you can promise me something. So you marry me, for better or worse, although not in those exact words. Now the unthinkable has happen and I'm pregnant, but you can't promise me anything. What will happen this time, Severus?" She rounded on him hotly. "Will you suddenly decide in five, maybe ten years time that you still can't promise us anything, do I wait around to find out if you change your mind."

"You are way off track," he spat, his face a mask of fury now. "You didn't let me finish. I was about to say that while I can't promise anything about being a demonstrative father like you had, I will try the best I can. I'm in no doubt that this changes everything. I know that I will never be the kind of father you would like me to be. But I will try." He slammed his hand down on the edge of the sink.

Meg closed her eyes as she realised she'd messed up horribly. She had been expecting him to turn around and tell her that he would not deal with a child. That he would refuse to accept it, maybe even leave her. But he hadn't. What had Poppy said to her, "Don't under-estimate him" she'd done just that.

"I screwed this up royally, didn't I?" she whispered quietly, setting the brush down gently.

"As only you can," he snapped and went out of the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

Meg emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later; half expecting to find he'd dressed and gone. She wasn't expecting him to be sitting in the living room with a table full of food that he'd had the house-elves bring up.

"Come and eat something," he growled from where he was scraping a tiny amount of butter onto some toast.

Meg swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I should have let you finish." She went to stand beside him. "I was so scared you would leave me."

He looked up at her, his face clear of anger, only his eyes showing disbelief at her statement.

"Leave you? Why would I leave you?"

"I mucked up the potions. I know you don't want children."

"I don't want children. But as far as I can see, it's irreversible now and pointless to talk about what we do or don't want. The fact remains that you are carrying my child and believe me Megan, I am not angry with you. It's true that I don't want this child. I won't insult your intelligence by saying anything else. But as I see it there is only one sure and proven way of not getting pregnant and that is Abstinence. I'm not sure either of us is willing to go that far to prevent a child. As for leaving you; I will never leave you. I'm even sure I wouldn't leave you if you had told me that you were carrying Black's child. I would have of course, murdered the bastard, and I don't mean the child. But I wouldn't have left you or "kicked you out" as you so eloquently put it earlier."

Meg's lips quirked into a smile despite herself; he sure had a way with words.

"Are you sure you mean that?" She slid onto her chair and picked up a slice of toast. She had to push it as far as it would go.

"Which part? Murdering Black? I could quite cheerfully do that for less than adultery."

"No, stay with me even if it wasn't your child. There aren't many men that would willingly do that."

"You still don't see, do you? Even after nearly three years." He shook his head and set his cup down carefully. "I know you, Megan. I know that you would never do those things to me. We may hurt each other with misplaced words. But I have never once doubted that the "bug" you are carrying is mine. I love you. I have no doubts that our life as we know it has just gone to hell if such a place exists. But I do love you and I stand by what I told you awhile back."

"Regardless of where time takes us," she said softly and leaning forward kissed his cheek.

"Exactly." He turned into her kiss and kissed her lips gently.

"I'm sorry I got all funny in there. I just can't get over how cool over this you are."

"Have I been so horrible to you?" he asked quietly. "Have I treated you so badly?"

"No. But you have to admit that you are fairly vocal about your dislike of children. I don't think it will be as bad as you imagine."

He picked up the spoon that lay in the saucer and began to stir his tea carefully. He gave it the same careful attention he gave the potions he would brew in his study.

"Probably not, undoubtedly it will be much worse. Who knows? It may be a squib and we can send it to some overseas boarding school. May only have to see it a couple times a year; and if it's a girl we can always arrange to have her married off when she reaches fourteen, earlier if possible," he sounded deadly serious.

"Severus!" Megan sprayed tea all over his toast as she choked on a mouthful.

"Megan!" He stared in disgust as his toast.

"You'd better be joking!" She wiped her chin with a napkin and glared at him. "I'm not sending my child away."

He looked at her, his face impassive but his eyes flashed amusement tinged with admiration.

"For someone who is not maternal you seem to have developed the lioness protecting her cub tendencies quickly."

"I just don't want it growing up thinking it wasn't wanted, that's all."

"I think perhaps we should stop calling it "It" and as far as I can tell it's not wanted," he mused as he pushed his cup and saucer away. "Has Poppy informed you as to the sex?"

"She's inclined towards a girl but she's not sure," Meg sighed and ran her hand down her face, she ignored his words although they stabbed her heart.

"Hum…. "Bug" it is then." He stood up and crossed back to the bedroom. "Are you feeling up to teaching today or would you have me call Remus to stand in for my classes?"

"No, no!" She got up and followed him into the bedroom. "I've got first and second year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuffs, hardly taxing! Which reminds me…" She slid out of her night dress and hurriedly dressed.

"What?"

"Hillary came by yesterday. Seems Senga is still having problems fitting in, finding friends. I think we should sort this weekend away before we have to go the slaughter."

"To the what?" He looked up from lacing up his boots.

"The Dinner Party," she said struggling to do up the buttons on the back of the long dress she had put on.

He stood up and wordlessly crossed to finish doing them up for her.

"Thanks. Can you get Albus to let us go next week? The Dinner Party is the following week. Which also reminds me; I'm meeting Hillary in Hogsmede this Saturday morning; she's going to help me get a suitable dress. You know what I'm like with clothes."

"Better make sure it's white then, the blood shows much more nicely on white."

"Not nice, Severus," she smiled as he helped her slid into her robes. "Do we tell her?"

"Odile?" He raised an eyebrow at her as she turned to face him. "About the bug? No. I think not." He frowned as he stared at the point where her robe did up.

"Fine by me," she replied. "I feel quite well this morning. That sleep did me good."

"Oh yes!" He frowned darkly as he looked at her. "Don't take too many, one or two a month won't hurt, but it's not a natural sleep. It refreshes your brain but does nothing for your body."

"Yeah." She nodded. "You're preaching to the teacher here!"

"Hum." He leant down suddenly and captured her lips with his.

She wound her arms around his neck and leaned into his kiss.

On the surface everything was back to normal. Underneath the surface Meg wasn't so sure everything would ever be normal again.

* * *

Severus looked round at the bent heads of his pupils, first year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. He had to admit they were a lot easier to teach than their Slytherin and Gryffindor counterparts. Even so, they tested his patience to the limit. 

A giggle from the left hand corner by the windows caught his attention. Black eyes scanned the area and narrowed when he saw Pandora Olsen whispering to her friend.

"Silence!" he thundered. "Five points from Ravenclaw for talking out of turn, Miss Olsen"

Pandora jumped so much her table left the floor with her and banged back down crashing to the side. It collided with the desk beside it and Snape watched in exasperation as that desk shunted forward and caught the girl sitting there in the lower back.

He watched as Senga Malfoy turned in her seat, her brown eyes flashing.

"Watch yourself, mudblood," she hissed coldly.

Pandora's eyes widen and her hand shot straight in the air.

"Sir! She called me a mudblood," she cried, deeply upset.

Snape stood up slowly, furious with Senga for saying that; and furious with the three of them for interrupting his lesson.

"Miss Malfoy. Thirty points from Ravenclaw for offensive language."

"It is not offensive. It's the truth!" Senga turned flashing brown eyes on her uncle and Snape realised that maybe thirteen years with Odile had made an impression after all. "Her blood is mixed with muggle. Her blood is therefore not pure but muddied with…."

"SILENCE!" he roared, spit flying from his mouth in his fury. "Another twenty points from Ravenclaw." He registered the groans and looks of hatred being sent Senga's way for losing them so many points.

Senga laughed. She just laughed and glared round at her fellow students.

"What? You think I care how many points I loose? You could take away the whole bloody lot and I wouldn't care. Stupid damn idea anyhow!"

Snape lost it completely then. He narrowed his eyes till black slits stared down at her.

"Everyone get out now," he barked, his eyes not leaving his niece's face.

He heard the classroom empty quickly; hear the children talking in hushed voices about what had happened. He could hear Senga's name being muttered quite viciously. But he really didn't care. She overstepped the lines by several miles and he was absolutely furious with her.

He watched as Senga sat back in her chair, her eyes fixed on the book in front of her.

"Look at me," his voice was deceptively soft, as it always was when he was at his most dangerous. He stood towering over her, his arms folded across his chest.

She looked up at him and he was momentarily shocked to see the emptiness behind her eyes. He hadn't expected to see that look in her eyes. It was one he recognised and it made his anger vanish.

"Senga?" he frowned and pulled a chair closer to her and sat down, his face impassive now although his eyes were still hard and cold.

"What?" her voice was deliberately belligerent but he refused to rise to the bait.

"I will not have you disrupting my lessons in such a way."

"She started it. Stupid cow, giggling and whispering, you think I don't know what she was saying about me. But I do."

"What was she saying?"

Senga turned a sullen face towards the window, avoiding his eyes completely.

"What did she say?" he repeated coldly, his voice booking no room for disobedience.

"It doesn't matter."

"Clearly it does to you. You reacted strongly and without thinking, believe me your housemates will not take kindly to losing fifty points for such a show of temper."

"I really don't give a damn!" she hissed. "I hate it here, more than Durmstrang and that was bloody awful!"

"Why do you hate it here? I thought you wanted to come here!"

"I did. I thought it would be different. But it's not. It's exactly the same." She scraped her chair back and got to her feet.

"Walk out of here and you'll have detention till your leaving feast," he snapped, seeing her making for the door. She turned at the door to look back at him.

"Funny really but I don't really care about that either!" She opened the door and walked out slamming it behind her.

Snape stared at the door, too taken aback to react. He had never had a student react quite like she had. Usually one glare and one cold command would be enough to have the bravest of Gryffindors shivering in their seats. But Senga had been unaffected, she truly hadn't cared. And he didn't think it had anything to do with him being her uncle. He'd seen the emptiness behind her eyes. Desolation, pure and simple. For several minutes she had looked broken and he had no idea why.

He stood up; suddenly wishing he'd taken Meg's offer sooner. Something was not right with Senga and he had might have left it too late.

He swept out of his classroom intent on finding Senga. He'd had to stand at a distance for thirteen years. He wouldn't stand apart any longer. He wondered briefly if this is what being a father would feel like? Not the fact that he would ever allow that kind of disrespect from his children; but the desire to set things right. The need to take Senga, find out why she was unhappy and then remedy it.

He strode quickly down the corridors searching. His robes sweeping out behind him as he went. He looked everywhere he used to go when he'd been a student here. He even looked in the places he went now as a teacher. But she wasn't there. He didn't find her.

A/N: Hey! Hope you liked it! I found that quite hard, trying to get across the way Snape would react. I don't think he's quite the type to jump of the deep end. He seems too logical for that. He realises it a situation that no matter how much he gets mad over it won't change things.

I also don't think he has a clue as to what is about to hit them. HeHeHe!

I really hope this works and it doesn't come across too silly, but the only experience with pregnancy I have is with my own. I know that everyone experiences it differently, but Meg will have to adopt some of things that happened to me as I really don't know a tried and tested way of writing pregnancy that works. (You know, when you see those films and the heroine is having a baby. There she lies, "glowing" with perspiration, screaming at the top of her lungs as she fearlessly gives birth. Yeah right! They forgot the part where she throws up because the effort is too much for her stomach to take, or the hallucinations after taking too much gas and air! (man that's good stuff! Wanted to take a bottle home with me but they wouldn't let me!) enough ranting girl!)

Anyhow all the strange stuff that will happen, did happen to me ( I got hooked on the smell of "Mountain Pine" "Harpic" loo cleaner, ( used to clean the loo two maybe three times a day just to have a quick sniff) and brushing my teeth, I used to love the feel of brushing my teeth… now I am rambling…. Anyhow please forgive if it sounds weird but it the only reference to pregnancy I have.

A couple of things:

Thanks if you are still with me and hanging on. You brave souls!

I just hope that you enjoy it and it doesn't get too surreal. (a married Snape is weird enough but a daddy Snape?)

Whitemudfounder: Thanks for your review it made me grin (a huge grin! Went straight to my head!)

You said about Snape's hygiene. Well, in cannon Snape is a greasy haired, sallow skinned, big nosed yellow toothed man (did I miss anything?) I've kept all that, as I wanted him to be as close to cannon as I can get him. Meg's comment about his "Unwashed smell" was just teasing on her part. He doesn't wash his hair much because I found it fitted with the whole not wanting to be vulnerable thing due to his past. (huh? Believe it or not that does make sense in my head! Not much else does mind!)

However that said, his being in character is going to come completely undone from here on in as I doubt that J.K.Rowling's Snape would ever be caught holding a baby. But that's the fun of fan fiction, you can make them do what you want to. grins Thanks again though and I hope you keep liking what you read here. P.s. What is behind your name? Has to be one of the most unusual names to date. I love it!

Rhubarb: Thanks for staying with me and saying lovely things.

Martha: So glad you didn't get into trouble! You were right by the way. But then you know that now!

Frini: Thanks for your comments. I really appreciated the lovely things you said.

Laura: Thanks! You made me smile as always!

Mcmish: Thanks! HeHeHe Hope reading this doesn't keep you away from your Eleni missing years story….

Jen: Hum dee dee! You always catch me out on years and stuff. grins Year? What year? Neville, by the way, in my little fantasy was made stronger by almost getting killed. Plus Snape made it quite clear to him that he thought there was more to Neville than all "thumbs". My excuse anyway! Thanks for your lovely reviews though and the name thing has been noted and filed for future reference!

The quote in the story was "Eramus: The Prince of Folly". I have no idea what it is, or what it's about.. (shame on you girl!) I actually found the quote a long time ago on the inside cover on one of my Marrilion albums. Any insight from anyone would be gratefully received.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


	28. Senga

_I pass by_

_Don't dare to stop_

_When there's someone I see_

_There's no one here but me_

_I'm fooled by something_

_Inside my head_

_If I lay down now_

_I might seem kinda dead_

_Just keep on wasting time._

_Where I'm headed_

_Lene Marlin_

Senga sat straight backed against the cold stone wall; her knees drawn up to her chest.

Her face was tear-stained, her eyes closed against the dying light of the sun as it set.

She just wanted to stop feeling. She just wanted to curl up and disappear.

Why couldn't she disappear?

It wasn't as if anyone would miss her! No one would even notice. Time would keep on going; the world would keep revolving. No one would notice; she could pack and leave and no one would care.

She had been a fool if she thought coming here would make any difference. She was still invisible.

* * *

Neville cleaned up the last few pots that had been used for the seedlings earlier that day.

He was happy here, happier than he could ever remember being. He was able to combine his two greatest loves; Herbology and cookery.

He had carried on the habit of going each evening to the kitchens to prepare and sometimes even experiment on new recipes.

He was contemplating writing a book. Not the dry cookery and Herbology ones that seemed so prolific, but a new type of cookery book. An interactive one, exciting, one that would introduce people to the delights of cookery.

He set the last pot away as he thought about what he could call his new book.

Satisfied that everything was set for the night he called out a goodbye to where Sally was sitting in her armchair at the end of the greenhouse. She had a radio that was broadcasting "Wizard Fm". She was clucking broodingly over a Spindledunk Candel seedling that Hagrid had brought her back from his summer hiatus in Romania; he had told her that the man he'd bought it from recommended playing classical music. He could hear strains of Elgar's "Serenade for Strings in E minor". He chuckled happily as she waved goodbye to him.

He let himself out of the greenhouse, his eyes watching the sun edge towards the horizon. He made to move away when he saw his neat row of Cabbage seedlings had been not only disturbed but some uprooted. His happy mood was unsettled slightly.

"Darn cat!" He advanced, knowing that Mrs. Norris would get a darn good talking to when he saw it next. It didn't seem to matter how many times he'd complained to Filch, the older man just rolled his eyes and told him to quit complaining.

He was about to get down on his knees and start re-planting when he saw the edges of a black school robe sticking round the corner of the wall that connected his kitchen garden to the other gardens.

He stepped forward quietly and saw the black head bowed, chin buried on knees that were tightly hugged by a pair of very scrawny arms.

"Miss Malfoy?" He would recognise that build and hair anywhere.

Her head shot up and he suspected she'd been asleep.

He took in her tearstained face straight away, awkwardness settled in his stomach. He had no idea what could have brought tears to this usually self-contained girl, but he would have a crack at finding out.

"Was that you kicking up my seedlings?" he asked her quietly.

She blushed and moved to peer around the corner at where he motioned with his hand at his uprooted seedlings.

"I didn't come in that way." She shook her head. "Will they die?"

"No, not if they are replanted straight away. Want to help?"

She shrugged and got up, wiping her face with her hands.

"Suppose so," she mumbled.

He turned away, pretending he hadn't seen her trying to rid her face of the evidence of tears.

"So what brings a Ravenclaw out of the library and into the garden?" he asked as they hunched down beside seedlings. She watched him plant one and then began copying him with some of the others.

"Wanted to see the sun set," she muttered and wiped a strand out of her face, streaking mud across her cheek.

"Sun doesn't set," he mused quietly, wondering why this girl radiated so much unhappiness now. Usually she was very aloof. The few times he'd assisted Sally in the classroom, he'd noticed that she was very like her uncle. The same "Touch me not" attitude that successfully kept everyone at arms length. He wondered if it was something inherent in all Snapes. But then why would she be crying now? Had someone hurt her? Or did she find being alone harder than she let on?

He moved forward slowly as he spoke to her. He didn't want to frighten her.

"Pardon?" she looked up at him in surprise.

"The sun. It doesn't set, not technically; the Horizon rises. It just appears as if the sun sets."

She stared at him and he could see her brain working through the logic of that comment.

"Oh, yeah!"

"So come on, you didn't answer my question. I thought Ravenclaws were all the clever bookish type. Although Hermione wasn't a Ravenclaw," he mused as an after thought.

Senga watched him with half closed eyes and he saw the sudden flit of excitement flash across her face, before it was carefully blanked out in a very Snape sort of way. He shuddered.

"You knew Harry Potter, didn't you." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes, I know Harry." He grinned, ready for the usual hero-worship questions he got asked. "Best Seeker England has ever seen," he added with a touch of pride.

Harry had been courted by both the Irish Quidditch team and the English one. Harry had taken the position of Seeker for England, purely because it enabled him to stay close to his friends. He had no family other than the Dursleys who had disowned him the moment he turned eighteen and their legal right had been discharged. Molly and Arthur Weasley had stepped right in and taken over, doing a much better job than the Dursleys ever did.

Senga's voice dragged him away from his thoughts.

"Pardon?"

"I said, do you think we'll win this year?"

"What against France?" Neville snorted and lovingly patted the soil down around all the replanted seedlings. "I don't think France need even bother coming out of their changing rooms."

"They're a formidable team though; I don't think we can afford to sit on our laurels," Senga mused.

"Like Quidditch then?" He grinned and sat back on his heels watching her.

"Love it. Of course I was never allowed to follow it at home…" she blanched as she realised she'd said too much.

Neville wiped his hands down his jeans and shrugged, making no big deal of her reaction; although he had certainly noticed.

"No, neither was I. My grandmother thought it was wasted time."

She looked at him strangely before grinning shyly in return.

"Who do you support?"

"Liverpudlian Lions," he replied proudly. "Best damn team that ever took to broomsticks."

"Axeminster Aces more like," she grinned back at him, beginning to ease with him now.

He snorted and waved his hand dismissively.

"Don't know one end of a broomstick from the other!"

"Huh! Wasn't it the Liverpudlians that fouled that keeper from the Chudley Cannons last year? Sent him five thousand miles away."

"A rogue spell from the crowd! Never proven!" He dismissed her again grinning.

"Was Harry always good at Quidditch?"

"Want to know how he got picked for the team in his first year?" he asked her, a twinkle in his brown eyes.

"Yes." She nodded and moved to sit on the grass around the vegetable patch.

"Well, our very first flying lesson; he'd never touched a broomstick before in his life. Gave the command "up" and the thing just shot straight up. Mine kinda twitched and died. Anyway, eventually everyone had their broomsticks in their hands; so Madam Hooch told us what to do and I did, except my broomstick had other ideas. It took me flying around the grounds on a wild ride, I had a Remembrall that my grandmother had sent me, and it must have dropped out. Well anyway, I fell, broke my wrist and Madam Hooch took me to Madam Pomfrey. Hermione and Ron told me later what happened after that. A lad, your cousin actually, Draco, thought it funny to take the Remembrall and hide it on one of the towers. He was just provoking Harry who fell for it and whizzed after Draco. Apparently Draco threw the Remembrall, Harry raced after it, caught it in a pretty spectacular dive that Professor McGonagall witnessed. She took him straight to the keeper Oliver Wood and Harry became the youngest seeker in a century." He watched her face closely as he told her what happened.

She was listening with a rapt look in her eyes.

"Is it true he won every game he played?"

"Heavens, no!" he laughed. "He doesn't win every game he plays now, does he?"

"No. But everyone says how good he is! I'd love to see him playing for real."

"It's certainly something to see. Although Victor Krum is good too, Harry and him practise a lot together when they get the chance."

"Victor Krum?" she looked shocked. "You know Victor Krum as well?"

"Not as well as Harry does."

"Do you like playing Quidditch?"

"Me?" he laughed and shook his head. "It's all I can do to get the thing to hover three feet from the ground. Although I hear you are excellent; any thoughts of trying for the team next year?"

Senga blinked several times. The thought had never crossed her mind, but now quick images filled her mind of her whizzing around in a Seeker position, catching the Snitch to win the game and the house cup for Ravenclaw… Uncle Severus clapping madly in the stands, uncle; her thoughts snapped back from her pleasant day-dreams to reality. A sour frown settled on her face.

"Don't want to play for the team," she muttered.

"Why not?" he asked ignoring her sudden change in mood. "You're good enough, for all I hear."

"Not a team player I guess."

"Oh, but that's the good thing about being the seeker, you don't have to be a team player, all you have to do is concentrate on catching the snitch, the beaters have to protect you. You don't have to worry about anything except that tiny golden ball."

She frowned slightly before shaking her head.

"Nah! It's not for me! I prefer just whizzing around aimlessly. Besides, I'm too tall."

He looked at her and shrugged slightly.

"Maybe, maybe not!" He sat back. "So if I tell you then that this Halloween Harry is coming back here for a bit you'll be pleased?"

"Is he?"

Neville laughed as her eyes went as round as saucers.

"Yes. He comes back every so often, catches up with the Professors and Hagrid and likes to annoy your uncle as much as possible."

"Doesn't Uncle, I mean Professor Snape, like Harry then?"

"Oh, I think he likes him enough, but if you ever see any grey hairs in your uncles hair, it's Harry, Hermione and Ron who put them there."

"Not you then?" she asked innocently.

"Me?" Neville shook his head, a grin on his lips. "You ask your uncle. He'll tell you he's never had such a highly intelligent and adept student as I was. I was top on your uncles pet student list."

Senga stared at him for several seconds before she realised he was pulling her leg.

She began to laugh and it felt strange. She suddenly realised it was the first time she'd laughed in a long time; and it was a happy laugh.

"I have to go." She stood up quickly; her earlier unease back quickly.

"Right!" He stood up and eyed his seedlings. "Thanks for giving me a hand. Do you like gardening?"

"Don't know, never done it before."

"Well, if you get a few minutes and the library doesn't hold its usual appeal, come and find me. I could always do with a hand in this garden." He smiled back at her.

"Okay." She nodded and backed away.

"You'd better wash your face before you go into the hall for dinner," he said quietly, his brown eyes watching her carefully.

She flushed and her back went straight.

"I wasn't crying, not really. I got something in my eye is all!"

"I never said you were. You do have dirt on your cheek though," he said gently and turned to wander back to his greenhouse.

Senga made her way slowly back across the lawns towards the main entrance. Her head was down as the sun set completely, leaving her in a half light.

She made her way into the entrance hall and turned towards her common room.

"Perhaps now you would care to inform me why you ran out of the classroom earlier," came an icy voice that halted her in her tracks.

"Unc…Professor Snape?" She turned and saw him partially hidden in the shadows of one of the stone gargoyles.

He stepped forward into the light of the overhead torches. His face was hard and cold. But it was his eyes that got her most; cold, hard, black. It sent shivers down her spine. For one moment she could almost see her mother standing there.

Now she would find out if they were indeed cut from the same cloth.

"Follow me, Miss Malfoy!" His voice cut into her thoughts as her feet automatically stumbled after him.

She had to almost run to keep up with his footsteps. He was a lot taller than she was and he was obviously not trying to make it easier on her.

Senga could feel rising panic threatening to take her. It was beginning to overwhelm her.

This wasn't the uncle who had written to her every month for the past six years. This cold hard man was nothing how she had built him in her mind to be.

Senga could remember the very day she found out she had an uncle. It had been quiet by accident. She'd found a discarded Potion Weekly magazine that held a cover article of him.

He had apparently found a new form of some potion or other; the exact details were a little vague to her now. But his picture had impressed her young mind. Enough like her mother for her to know instantly that this man was in some way related to her. But there had been a difference. He was standing tall, his arms folded across his chest inside the voluminous sleeves of his robes. His back was straight and his face was straight too. His mouth formed a straight line. But his eyes; it was his eyes that she had found herself drawn to. They seemed blacker than night, and deeper than a bottomless well. Her mother had black eyes. But they were…different.

It had taken her quite a few years to be able to put a name to the difference. Her mothers were lifeless. His weren't. They glittered and with every turn of his head they showed depth.

She had written her first letter to him when she was eight, addressing it to "The Potion Master Snape, Hogwarts school" Not expecting it to be delivered, let alone acknowledged.

But it had been. He'd written back two weeks later, a short note informing her he was her uncle on her mothers' side and while he doubted whether he would have much time to reply, he was not against receiving letters from her.

She had written every month, and every month she received a letter in return.

Even after he had married, and she had known of this long before her mother ever found out, he still continued to write to her. And so Senga had built her own world around him.

While her own world slowly collapsed around her, she had taken refuge in an elaborately conceived fairytale; where he would always be the one to rescue her. He had gone past mere human status in her mind and had acquired a pedestal. One he had just come tumbling down from.

He stopped abruptly causing her mind to skitter back to the present as her body continued smack into his back. She fell backwards and his strong hand on her arm stopped her from falling to the floor.

"Do watch were you are going, Miss Malfoy," he hissed as he let her go. He turned to open a door and ushered her inside.

They were in his study in the dungeons. But it was cold, the fire was out and the room badly lit.

He motioned her to sit in one of the chairs by the fireplace. With a flick of his wand he had the fire lit and the lights brightened.

"Now, care to tell me exactly what game you were playing earlier?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her throat constricting.

"I'm sorry? That's not an answer. That's a lame attempt at getting out of it," he bit out. "Try again, Miss Malfoy."

"I don't know why I did it."

"Did what? Which bit leaves you mystified? Because, frankly, the whole episode confuses me!" He flung his robe out as his sat down and she jumped slightly.

He sat back, one eyebrow arched high as he saw her movement.

"What is the definition of a Mudblood, Miss Malfoy?"

"Someone who has mixed blood," she replied instantly.

"And why do you think this term is not offensive?"

"Mudblood" is just a word like any other. It is how it is used that makes it offensive," she muttered avoiding his eyes.

"And you used it to offend, Miss Olsen, did you not?"

"No; merely stating a fact. Her father is a muggle; her blood is mixed, so by sheer definition she is a Mudblood."

Snape clicked his tongue and hid his frustration with a shake of his head.

"But you knew the effect it would have on her," he demanded, his tone showing his anger.

"Yes." Senga admitted it softly; although she wasn't panicked anymore she was still frightened.

"So what did she say to make you react so badly?"

Senga shrugged and looked into the flames.

"It doesn't matter."

"You forget yourself." He sat forward suddenly. "You are walking a fine line here, a fine line between expulsion and staying here. So I suggest that when I ask questions you answer them!"

Senga stared at him mutely and shook her head, her fear reflected quite plainly in her brown eyes.

"She just said stuff. Nasty stuff about my family." She shrugged again. "About torturing and kidnapping little kids and stuff." She shrugged again and closed her eyes. "I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But when she caught my back…. It hurt." She blushed and Snape saw her whole face close down completely.

"People with narrow minds will always find nasty things to say about other people. You have made life very hard for yourself now. I understand that you are finding it hard to fit in here. I had thought you wanted to come here."

"I don't make friends easily." She shrugged again, her eyes still not meeting his.

Snape sighed and sat back, crossing one leg over the other.

"Do you want to return to Durmstrang?" he asked quietly his black eyes watching her face closely for any emotion.

"No!" She shook her head and her eyes met his for the first time. "I will try harder."

"I'm not exactly the one you should talk to about making friends," he said dryly. "I want you to be happy here."

She stared into his eyes, they were almost impassive, but not quite, the tiniest amount of concern was reflected there.

"Next weekend you will accompany your aunt and myself to her home. We are hoping it will give us all time to get to know each other better."

"Go away?" she looked momentarily stunned before once again her eyes dropped to the floor.

"Just for the weekend; we will leave on the Friday and return Sunday afternoon."

Senga bit her lip slightly and he detected the smallest amount of excitement from her.

"Apparently there is a place called "Adventure Park" or something like that. She seems to think you will like it." He frowned slightly still not at all convinced about the whole thing.

"About your detention." He repressed a smile when he saw her stiffen. "You will see Mr. Filch each evening at 7.30 for your detention. If you stay out of trouble your detention will be for one week. If, however, you continue to cause trouble, the detention will be lengthened. I suggest you try hard to avoid causing more problems."

"Sir."

"You may go."

Senga stood up and bolted for the door but before she could go out he called her to stop.

"Senga, you know you can come and talk to me anytime you want, don't you?"

She stared at him and it suddenly struck him that she didn't know anything of the sort.

"I will always try to listen." He didn't know what else to do. Meg had said learn to communicate with her. But what did he know of thirteen year olds?

"Senga?"

"Sir?" her hand was on the door handle, half of her out side the door, half of her inside.

"What else did you do to convince your mother you were better of here?"

"I told you." She shifted from foot to foot, her eyes on the door handle.

"I don't believe refusing to eat would work," he remarked coolly.

"It did though." She shrugged and he knew there was definitely something else.

"Why was it so bad there? Surely you would fit better there than here!" He frowned at the look of hatred that passed through her eyes before they became as blank as his.

"I fit nowhere," she replied. "Can I go now?"

"I want you to fit in here, Senga. I want you to fit here with me and your aunt."

He saw tears glisten in her eyes as she listened to him.

"Go and get something to eat before it's too late." He watched her slide out of the room and shut the door behind her.

He sank his head back against the head rest and sighed long and deeply.

Life had been easier when it was just him.

He could remember evenings of uninterrupted peace reading potion papers. He didn't have to worry about wives being sick because they were pregnant. Didn't have to wonder just how badly things were going to get when the baby arrived. He didn't have to think about his niece, or why she was so unhappy.

Life had been easier.

The door opened again and he saw Meg's white face poke around the corner.

"Has she gone now?"

He nodded and watched the rest of her come in before closing the door softly behind her. She crossed to sit in the chair Senga had sat in. He watched her kick of her boots and curl her feet under her.

He looked at her face and saw concern and love mingled in her eyes.

"How did it go?" her voice was gentle.

"You have just been sick again," he stated softly ignoring her question.

She flushed slightly and shrugged. She looked tired, her eyes weary. He had noticed how tired she seemed to get these days. Poppy had told him it was quiet normal for the early stages of pregnancy and that it would pass for awhile and then return towards the end of the pregnancy.

"Shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate sauce," she murmured. "It's okay now. I should have known you'd smell it."

"I can't. I can tell by your face. Do you feel unwell still?"

"I'm fine honestly. How did it go with Senga though?"

He sat forward and caught her hands; he tugged her till he could pull her of the chair and into his lap.

"I'm not certain," he replied and tucked her down on to his chest, her head in the crook of his shoulder. He stroked her back with firm slow strokes.

"We'll sort it out," she whispered into his neck and he could feel her breathing even out as she fell asleep.

He continued to stroke her back gently as he stared at the opposite wall.

Life may have been easier. But it had also been lonelier.

He couldn't imagine not having her with him now. Having another person in your life may complicate things, but it was worth it. He could just hope that Senga would be another complication that would be worth it.

* * *

"Yes, but it really didn't seem as if she cared," Meg's voice was muffled as she pulled the long black dress over her head.

"She must have done," came Hillary's voice from outside the changing room.

"Of course she did. I just hope that next weekend we can sort out whatever is going on."

"Do you think it's serious?"

"I honestly don't know." Meg stepped out from behind the curtain, a grimace on her face. "What do you think of this one?"

"Um…. Um." Hillary tilted her head to one side. "Is there a reason why every inch of skin is covered?"

Meg looked down at the dress that started at her neck and finished at her ankles.

"Protection?"

"More like a shroud, dear," Hillary chuckled and held out a hanger that held nothing more than a scrap of material.

Meg took it and the horror showed clearly on her face.

"I can't wear that! Severus would have forty fits!"

"And that's bad?"

"With Severus, yes!" Her mind flashed back to his lowering her skirt when it had been four inches longer than this robe. "He'd insist I wore my school robes as well to "cover myself up"" She frowned slightly as her fingers ran down the silky fabric.

"Try this then!" Hillary rolled her eyes and taking the blue robe handed her an emerald green one.

Meg shrugged and turning back went behind the curtain once more.

"So what do you have planned with the weekend at home?"

"I don't know really. There's a zoo close by and there's this adventure park. I don't know. What do whole wizard children do in their spare time?" Meg's voice was once more muffled as she removed the black robe.

"Most of them I suppose do the same things as Muggle children. But then Senga isn't Muggle is she?"

"Not even close!" Meg struggled into the green robe and sighed as it settled on her hips and refused to go any further. "Too big!"

"What the robe?" came Hillary's surprised voice.

"No, me," Meg sighed again. "And destined to get bigger."

"What do you mean?" Hillary struck her head round the curtain, curiosity getting the better of her.

"Oh!" She eyed the robe stuck around Meg's hips.

"A bit of magic," Hillary grinned and waving her wand the robe slid gently over Meg's hips and down to skim her knees.

"What's with the getting bigger?" Hillary eyed her carefully.

Meg blushed, she hadn't realised she'd even said it.

"Erm…. How do I look?"

She turned and was pleased with the way the robe swung out as she moved. It was made from emerald green chiffon draped over a deeper emerald silk fabric that rustled every time she moved. It was beautiful.

"That's the one!" Hilary announced. "With your hair up and some jewels around your neck, not even Odile could outshine you."

"Odile can outshine me even if she's covered in mud and has boils on her nose."

"Rubbish!" Hillary stepped forward and swept the band holding Meg's hair up into a Chignon and held it in place with a spell.

"There look at that!"

Meg was surprised at the difference just changing her hair made. She looked different somehow, older.

"A touch of make-up and you'll outclass her no problem." Hilary nodded in satisfaction.

"Hillary, Odile is the type of woman that glides between the raindrops. Not even a gale could upset her hair, it wouldn't dare."

"Maybe. But looks are not everything. And Severus adores you as you are."

Meg stared back at her own reflection; her eyes wandered to her still flat stomach.

"Just as well," she muttered and shrugging out of it got dressed in her normal clothes.

"So come on then, what's with the getting bigger?" Hillary watched as Megan came out of the changing room blushing a furious red.

"You are! Aren't you?" Hillary grinned excitedly.

"Yes I am. Eleven weeks am to be exact."

"Good grief, does Severus know?"

"Yes. Of course!" Meg looked faintly offended.

"Well, sorry, but you know what he's like with children." Hillary all but pulled her to the desk where she waited impatiently for Meg to pay.

"He took it very well."

"Was that before or after he fainted from sheer horror?" Hillary laughed and pulled her along to The Three Broomsticks.

"Actually he was remarkably calm. I think he'll make a good father."

Hillary looked at her as if she'd just suggested a ban on Quidditch.

"Severus Snape? Our resident child hater a good father?"

"Yes!" Meg again felt offended enough to defend him quite hotly. "I think he'll make a wonderful father. He might have to loosen up slightly but he'll soon get the hang of it."

Hillary gave a very un-lady like snort and ordered two hot chocolates before turning back to Meg.

"You'll have to remove the wand from his behind before he'll loosen up enough to make a good father."

Meg blinked at the insult, something in her snapped.

"I'll have you know he has nothing up his behind!" She stood up. "I'm sorry that you dislike my husband so much. Thank you for helping me with the dress, I'm sure I'll see you round school occasionally." Meg stuck her nose in the air and sailed out of the inn.

Hillary was too stunned to react at first. But then her brain kicked in and she jumped to her feet to race after Meg.

She caught up with her outside the inn. Meg was leaning against the wall crying her eyes out.

"Meg. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Meg glared at her through red eyes before wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

"It was a horrible thing to say."

"I know and I'm sorry," Hillary kept her voice gentle as she stepped forward. "It just struck me as odd that Severus would ever become a father."

Meg bit her lip when it started to tremble. She wanted to burst into tears again.

"He's going to try; for me and the baby. He's going to try." She sobbed as Hillary put her arm around her.

"I'm sure he will," she said quietly. "Come on let's get you back to Hogwarts. I was completely insensitive and I apologise."

Hillary took Meg's arm and led her back up the path that would take them home.

By the time they had arrived Meg was feeling very foolish for reacting the way she had.

Hillary had apologised several times on the way back, and it was soon put behind both of them.

Meg though, was more aware of how her moods swings were quite bad and Hillary made a mental note to be more careful with what she said to Megan.

* * *

"I hear from Severus that you have a happy event coming soon."

Meg turned to see Albus smiling at her. He motioned her to sit at the staff table while they waited for the other teachers to arrive.

"I doubt greatly if that was how Severus worded it," she replied smiling back at him.

"Not exactly. He is, however, quite pleased about it I think."

Meg's eyebrows shot up and she snorted.

"I think perhaps this time, you are mistaken."

"I think not." He smiled. "He might not know it yet, but he will. I still remember holding my first child for the first time. There's nothing that quite compares with the feeling…." He stared off into space for several seconds before snapping back to the present with a twinkle in his eye.

"I had no idea you had children." Meg was surprised.

"Twelve of them," he replied.

"My sister had three." Filius piped up from where he had come in and sat down. "Congratulations by the way."

"Thank you!" Meg grinned at them both. "I think one will do us though."

"That's what my dear Mrs. Dumbledore said," Albus chuckled.

"So how come you ended up having twelve?"

"We didn't want Orion to be an only child." He fingered his beard and chuckled again "Of course once Mrs. Dumbledore had two she wanted more. Who was I to say no?"

Snape came in at that moment with Remus, who was beaming over his tired face.

"I hear congratulations are in order," he said and coming across to her kissed her cheek fondly.

Snape sat down beside Meg and eyed everyone with a very blank expression. But they were used to him now and no one minded the apparent lack of emotion. They knew how devoted to Meg he was underneath the surface.

"Who's to be congratulated?" asked Neville as he came in with Sally.

"Megan is pregnant!" Remus announced and Neville's face nearly cracked his grin was so wide.

He loomed over Meg and kissed her cheek.

"Stop pawing my wife, Longbottom," Snape snapped and prodded Neville away from her to his own seat.

"So the prospect of little Snapes running round is now a definite event. When is the little Snape due?" Neville eyed Snape with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Um…." Meg blinked. She hadn't actually thought about it, but she did a quick calculation. "Around April time I think."

"On your anniversary, how romantic," Sally gushed.

Snape rolled his eyes as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I can assure you, Sally, neither of us was thinking exactly when to procreate so it would arrive on our anniversary."

Meg blushed redder than Sally's jumper and was saved any further embarrassment by Hillary and Veronica Vector coming in.

"What will it be?" asked Neville, taking a cup of tea.

"A baby," Snape replied dryly. "I know you are severely lacking in mental ability but I had thought even you would be aware that babies aren't really delivered by storks."

"No, but they should be!" Sally announced. "Far less pain."

Meg grimaced and began to play with her spoon.

"My sister was in labour for five days with her first. Eventually Gypsum had to call the vet to bring some rope," Filius announced from his seat.

Meg paled considerably and the spoon clattered to the floor.

Snape glared at Filius as he placed his hand over Meg's shaking one.

"Do you mind," he snapped. "I'm quite sure Meg doesn't need to hear that. Neither do I for that matter."

Filius realising what he had done bustled over to Megan and patted her shoulder gently.

"Please forgive me my dear, I had no intentions of frightening you," he squeaked, quite upset to think he'd scared her.

"Don't worry!" She smiled wanly at him. "I don't think you can frighten me any more than I already am."

Snape drew her hand below the table and laced her fingers with his on his lap; his thumb stroking the back of her hand.

She squeezed his hand unconsciously, hoping that nothing else would be said about horrendous deliveries.

"Now will someone tell me if it will be a boy or girl?" Neville asked.

"Too early for Poppy to be sure, but it would appear to be a girl," Snape's voice was even and deep, his face still showing his annoyance at Filius.

Professor McGonagall arrived with a few other teachers.

She was brisk in her manner of congratulating them, but her eyes sparkled as she looked at them.

"Well, to business." Albus finally announced and stood up to start the staff meeting. Meg sighed with relief and released Severus hand from the death grip she had on it.

* * *

Severus climbed into bed and settled the covers around him carefully.

He opened his potion magazine, set it on the bed and looked at where Meg was lying beside him, her knees drawn up and her book resting against them.

Her glasses were half-way down her nose as she read.

"What are you reading?" he asked her.

"A book," she said quickly and shut it up sliding it down over the bed and onto the floor.

"Here was me thinking you were knitting."

She looked up at him and grinned.

"You wouldn't be interested in it."

"Probably not, but I would still like to know what it was."

"101 ways to give your baby a good start in the womb," she said quietly and watched him carefully.

"There are that many?" His eyebrows rose as he closed up his potions magazine and placed it on the floor. He lay down beside her and stared up at the ceiling.

"I wish I could say you don't have to be frightened," he spoke slowly, but she knew what he meant.

"So do I," she said quietly and turned onto her side to lay her head on his chest.

"I could have quite happily cut of Filius' tongue and pickled it in a jar for that comment this evening."

"It doesn't matter. Fortunately I'm not built like an Elf; my hips are broader. Poppy assures me that rope won't be necessary." She kept her tone of voice light, but he could still hear the slight edge to her voice. Plus the fact that she must have been worried enough to mention it to Poppy who hadn't actually been at the meeting.

"Even so…. That kind of comment is one I'd expect Longbottom to make."

"Oh that reminds me." She grinned slyly and worked her fingertips inside the buttons of his nightshirt. "He told me tonight your favourite ex-pupil is coming back at the end of October for a visit."

Snape groaned and let his head fall back further onto the pillow.

"Not Potter!"

"Yup," she grinned. "I was thinking of asking him for his autograph this time," she mused quietly, waiting for the reaction she knew she'd get.

"You will do no such thing!" he nearly bellowed. "I will not have you mooning over him like some love-sick teenager."

"Don't be a spoilsport, darling. The boy can't help being as sought after as he is. Besides our child in a few years might…"

"Our child will do no such thing," he cut in. "Nothing remotely Potter idolising will be tolerated in my house."

"My" house dear? Don't you mean "our" house."

"No, it's my house. Especially now you've deliberately lain there and wound me up haven't you?"

"Well, I have to get you wound up somehow. It's such a long night otherwise."

"Oh, really." He caught her straying hand in his and raised it to his lips.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said quietly, his black eyes boring into hers.

"You won't," she smiled and cupped his face.

"Or the "Bug"," he admitted slowly.

"Bug is the size of a baked bean." She leant up and kissed him gently.

"I find it hard to believe in several years someone is going to be calling me "Father". It's a truly horrifying thought." He slid his arms around her and drew her up to lean across his chest.

"I doubt she'll call you father. It'll probably be "Daddy"."

He frowned and his hands stopped in unbuttoning her nightshirt.

"Daddy," he muttered and she watched as his eyes half shut, a tiny sneer playing on his lips.

"I doubt I'll ever aspire to that title. No, it'll be father no doubt."

"Well, that is up to you, of course. If she knows you love her, you'll be her daddy forever."

"I don't know if I can love her," he admitted slowly.

"You love me, don't you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, but you blindsided me. I had no say in the matter."

"And you think she'll be any different?"

He shuddered and flopped back against the pillows, his hands falling away from her shoulders. He had a sudden mental image of a tiny chubby legged little girl with sticky fingers messing up his potion research work.

"Severus?"

"What?" he asked battling mental the images away from his mind.

"Are you going to day-dream all night? I'm getting cold."

He looked down at her a wicked sneer on his face.

"Can't have that now can we?"

* * *

Senga as usual sat one seat apart from the other students on her table. She was pushing a piece of toast around her plate while reading her text book on Herbology.

The swish of wings caught her attention as the owls arrived with the morning post.

She swallowed and waited. Nothing had arrived yesterday. Maybe today?

A small barn owl, pure white in colour dropped a small package onto her plate and then sat on her shoulder to nibble her ear gently.

"Arthur!" She rubbed his feathers gently and gave him the rest of her toast before it hooted softly in her ear and flew away again.

Her fingers were shaking as she un-wrapped the brown paper around the package. A book and a short note fell out.

_Morgana._

_For you._

_I think this should have arrived yesterday, but I wasn't certain which day was your birthday._

_Now you arefourteen I hope you will begin to undertake your responsibilities to the family name in earnest._

_Mother._

Senga crumpled the note in anger.

What kind of mother didn't even remember which day her only daughter was born on? Not like she wasn't even there!

Senga turned the book over and her face fell before she quickly slipped it inside her robes with the note.

She got up and quickly left the hall unaware that her uncle and her new aunt had been watching her very closely.

A/N: I just hope this makes sense to you. I'm so sorry if there are loads of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Real life has been encroaching on the time I can spend writing. (How dare it!)

Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this and it wasn't to rushed or confusing.

Thank you to everyone who has been wonderful enough to leave me little comments. I appreciate every single one of them.

Thanks to anyone who doesn't review but has still kept with me on the side story. I hope you are still liking it.

Okay here goes!

Lova: Thanks for hitting the button! But more importantly thanks for staying with me for so long! Someone does help her and because my plot line is like glass you'll already know who!

Krusty: She's 12 now, so the whole "pre-hormonal" thing will probably appear somewhere along the line. But there is more to it than just that! Thanks for reviewing so nicely!

Calvin: Thank you. Very much! Your words mean a lot! Severus was very OOC because he's never had to deal with someone overstepping the lines that far before. (well not in my crazy world anyway!) I'm looking forward to putting him in a muggle setting! Hopefully it'll be fun!

Laura: I hope you enjoyed yourself! I love your comments thank you! sighs happily

Fluere113: No there's more to it than not liking Hogwarts. It's still not apparent in this chapter but hopefully it'll come to light soon.

Gothicelfchild: Thanks for reviewing back! (What does your pen-name mean? Noisy aren't I? Whitemudfounder will vouch for that!)

Rhubarb: Thanks for another lovely review! I end up with long chapters cause (and my dad told me this!) I waffle quite a bit. P.s. don't be scared about having babies, it's truly not that bad, you get over it (it's the next 20 years which are truly scary!)

Thanks also to: Helen; Sweetwood who changed to Holly Clairsworth; Lunarmouse ( I do love your name!); parselmouth; mione (Odile is worse than bad!); whitemudfounder (loved the explanation); Jen; Chary; McMish; Rugi and Gwena.

Thanks everyone and I hope you all have a great day!


	29. What's in a name?

Updated March 2008

Usual disclaimer.

* * *

Neville's brown eyes peered over the top of the Asperderta that he was valiantly trying to prune, despite the fact that it would re-grow a stem three seconds after having one cut off.

The knack was in the cutting; the angle of the cut had to be just right, even a fraction off and it would merrily re-grow.

Neville had started off fine, but he was distracted now and after having three stems re-grow in the last nine seconds he put his clippers down and moved slightly to left so he could see the cause of his distraction better.

Senga Malfoy was hovering around the entrance to the gardens. And hovering was a good word. She'd take a step in and then she'd go back again.

She was obviously fighting some internal battle. Half of her wanted to come in and half of her obviously didn't making him wonder what was wrong. Frowning slightly he picked up three trays of seedlings, and balancing one on top of the other he began to move slowly out of the greenhouse and around to the patch he'd already prepared for them. He stopped when Senga caught sight of him.

"Miss Malfoy? Just the person! Could you take the top one for me, I'm afraid I'll drop them," he called out to her pleasantly.

He watched pleased as she came forward at once, rolling up her sleeves as she came to stand in front of him. She took the top tray and looked around her.

"Are you planting them here?" she asked, already heading for the cleared patch.

"Yes. I was supposed to plant them all yesterday but we had problems with a batch of Kinderwort Toadstools."

"What happened?" she asked, kneeling down and taking one of the seedlings in her hands carefully.

"They decided that it would be far more fun to uproot themselves and grow upside down in the heating vents."

"Oh." She half smiled and took the trowel he offered her.

"Just a little deeper and leave that top root exposed, that's it!" He watched as she planted the first one and then together they began planting the rest.

"So, the library holds no appeal? Or am I just lucky that you were passing this way."

"I don't live in the library, y'know," she said quietly, but her voice was impassive.

"Really? That'd be a first for a Ravenclaw." He grinned good-naturedly.

"Yeah, well I was sorted wrong." She shrugged.

"Really? That's unusual, where should you have been put?" He kept his voice casual.

"Isn't it obvious?" She bit out, and he could see signs of annoyance now, but he knew it wasn't directed at him.

"No." He looked mildly surprised at her question.

"My name is Malfoy and there's Snape blood in my veins; where do you think I should be sorted," she snapped and he noticed that her hands were shaking slightly.

"Well. I haven't known the sorting hat to be wrong yet. Besides it's not what's in your veins or your name it looks at. It's what's up here…." He indicated his head with a very grubby hand. "and in here." He tapped his chest where his heart was.

"Same thing, isn't it?"

"No." He shook his head and sat back on his heels. "A name is a title, something that just happens to label something. Actions, thoughts and feelings are what determine a person. Would you rather be in Slytherin?"

Senga sat back on her heels and stared at the plants in front of her hard.

"I don't know," she replied honestly.

"Well, in that case I shouldn't worry much about it," he said cheerfully and stood up. "Do you have a couple more minutes spare? I have a whole load of Death's Head plants that need separating."

"Sure!" She stood up and followed him into the first greenhouse in the row.

He sat her down in front of a huge tray of what looked like brown sticks.

"What on earth are these?" she asked, poking at them with the trowel she still held.

"No!" Neville snatched the trowel away from her, and peered worriedly at the "sticks".

"You can't treat them like that! You have to be careful."

"They are just dead sticks," she said scornfully.

"They may look like sticks, but I assure you they are far from dead! Watch!" He very gently prised one of the bundles loose and eased out a clump of sticks that seemed to be joined together at the base by a tiny black bulb.

"If you disconnect the stems from the bulb, the plant will die," he murmured and taking the "sticks" he planted them gently into a pot he already had filled with soil.

Senga watched in disbelief as Neville took a small watering can and watered the stick. Almost instantly, the stick seemed to swell, the burnt brown colour changed to a lush green and tiny leaves began to sprout from the stem.

"It's…." Senga was lost for words, as three tiny blossoms appeared on the top of the tallest stem. They gently unfurled into bright blue flowers with purple centres.

"They are beautiful," she breathed and looked with new respect at the "sticks".

"Do you know why they are called Death's Head?" he asked her, watching as her gentle hands carefully place the "stick" into the next pot.

"Cause they look dead?" She rolled her eyes as if it had been a stupid question.

"Not a hard question." He laughed and watched her face carefully.

"Appropriate though," she replied, her fingers hovered gently over the tiny flowers..

"Do you think so?" he asked her quietly. "But they aren't really dead. They aren't poisonous either. "Death's Head" kinda gives them a bad name, don't you think?" He saw her frown and just hoped he'd got his point across.

"What do you use them for?"

"Here? Oh nothing. I ordered this little lot to brighten up the staff room. They will stay like that now till just after Easter and then they will "hibernate" again as sticks; until it's time to wake them up again."

"Could I keep one please? Here?"

Neville looked at her and grinned.

"Sure, it can stand right next to mine!"

"I think we should rename them," she said wiping her hands on her robes.

"Why?" He looked at her in surprise.

"It's such an ugly name."

"But it's just a name. It doesn't change their nature just by giving it a pretty name. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."?"

"But it doesn't say anything about how pretty it is!"

"So? Any person familiar with plants knows what they are like."

"But what about people who don't know?"

"If they don't take the time to find out what is underneath the "Sticks" then that is really their loss!" He shrugged.

She moved very carefully and began to plant more of the "sticks" into the pots.

They fell silent as they worked. But it was a companionable silence; it wasn't awkward or strained.

Finally when Neville planted the last plant they began to re-load the pots onto the trays again. He kept two aside and then stood up.

"Want a coffee or a tea? Professor Sprout grows her own mint tea and it's quite nice."

"No, thanks." She shook her head. "I have to be at Filch's office in half an hour," she sighed as she looked at the ancient clock hanging on the side of the greenhouse.

"Detention?" he raised an eyebrow. "And what will you be doing tonight?"

"I have no idea!" She shrugged. "It's the second night tonight but it can't be any worse than last night."

"What did he have you doing?"

"Polishing the trophies," she grumbled making no move to stand up from where she was still kneeling.

"HA!" He laughed. "Oh, yes, it can get worse!" He moved away slightly and fished around on the old desk that stood in the corner of the greenhouse. It was ancient and covered with pots of every description and size. He rummaged through a few old sheets of paper.

"I suppose you heard what happened; I mean, what I did." He heard her standing up behind him, but he didn't look up from the sheets of paper.

"No." He shook his head and frowned. "Where did I put it?" he muttered to himself, before pulling open one of the great drawers underneath and rummaging through it.

"I walked out on my uncle," she said it defiantly, almost as if she was prodding him to tell her off about it.

"Which I take it, he didn't respond to well." He nodded. "No, not a wise of course of action. Anyway, here you go, I thought you might be interested in this. I knew I had it somewhere!"

He held out the pamphlet to her.

She took it and frowned as she opened it. It was old and well creased but when she got it open she realised immediately what it was.

"Oh wow!" Her face broke into a wide grin. "The year theAces won the league!" She leafed through each page with great care. The last page had even been signed by the team members.

"Well, look after it! It'll be the only league they'll ever win!"

"Did you go? Did you see it?" She was still staring in awe at the winning team from six years ago. They were jumping up and down and waving all sorts of flags and scarves, even their brooms were flying over their heads be-decked in their club colours.

"No. Told you, my grandmother was never into Quidditch, she thought I'd do far better studying than going to games. Ron Weasley had gone though, with one of his older brothers. He brought a couple back with him. Gave me that one and gave Harry one to." He smiled as he thought back to when Ron had given him the pamphlet.

"Wow!" Senga was obvioulsy at a loss for words. She finally closed it up and handed it back to him.

He frowned and shook his head at her refusing to take it.

"No! You take it. It's not doing me much good, buried under a mountain of other stuff. Keep it. Call it an early birthday present."

"Or a late one!" She grinned. "My birthday was yesterday!"

"Well, there you go, how about that for timing?" He smiled back at her.

"Thank you very much!" she breathed.

"Go on with you. It's practically falling to bits! Just an old bit of paper." He felt a tug at his stomach when he realised that if the poor girl reacted like this for an old pamphlet, it figured she either didn't get much for her birthday or she wasn't used to people buying her things she wanted rather than things they thought she wanted. His mind went to the endless socks his grandmother supplied him every birthday and he shuddered. He knew what that was like! Although he knew his grandmother meant well, she just had never been much good at relating to a younger person. Oh well…

"You'd best get off, or Mr. Filch will have you scrub bedpans without magic."

"You're joking!" she grimaced up at him.

"Unfortunately not," he sighed and shook his head. "Come round here tomorrow afternoon? I have a load of Dumbledawfs being delivered that'll need pruning."

"Okay! Thanks." She backed away hugging the pamphlet to her scrawny chest. She turned and ran out of the greenhouse; not really caring what Filch gave her to do.

* * *

"You know I hate apparating at the best of times," she whined.

"Stop whinging," he snapped. "If you had taken the time to hear the rest of what I was going to tell you, you would have heard that we're not apparating. We are going to use a Portkey!"

"Oh, of course," she replied sarcastically. "My mistake, so instead of apparating and travelling several hundreds of miles in two seconds, we will be….er….apparating and travelling several hundreds of miles in two seconds."

"Well, how do you propose we get there," he replied sneering at her.

"Funny thing really! But I thought we'd get the Hogwarts Express to London and then catch another train from there!"

"I see." He folded his arms, gripped his elbows and sneered mockingly at her.

"And how do you propose to make enough time to travel to London which takes several hours, buy other tickets, catch another train and spend several more hours getting to your house. Of course we then have to find a way of getting from the train station to your house. Stop me if anything I say here doesn't make sense to you!"

"Alright," she humped and stuck her nose in the air. "You've made your point! No need to get snotty about it! Just don't complain when I throw up all over you!"

"I do not get all snotty," he snapped.

"You do," she pointed out. "All you had to say was we don't have time to use normal transport!"

"Normal?" he stared at her. "Megan, you are a witch! Portkeys and apparating should be the "normal" to you!"

"Well it's not, alright?" She jumped up and began to fling more clothes into the bag she had opened on the bed. "I never have, and never will find whizzing around thirty feet from the ground on something my mother said you sweep the floors with normal! As for suddenly disappearing and appearing in another place completely; did whoever invented that forget to work it so that your stomach remained inside you for the duration? Not too much to ask surely?"

"I forget sometimes," he said quietly and took out the shirt she had thrown in and began to fold it.

"Forget what?" she snapped throwing two more jumpers into the case. He calmly took them out as well and began folding them.

"That you are muggle born."

"Oh and is that a problem all of a sudden?" she demanded as a pair of trousers joined the neatly folded pile waiting to be placed back in the case.

"Of course not," he replied evenly. "Just a comment."

"Well, just comment yourself out of my way and if you take one more thing from that case again I swear I'll scream!" She snatched the jumper from his hands and rammed it into the case.

"I was just helping," he huffed. "You're never going to fit everything in if you don't fold."

"I'll fit it in if I have to bloody transfigure the case into a barge!"

"Suit yourself. I will be in my study if and when you decide you need my help."

He swept out of the room and Meg gave in to overwhelming urge to stick her tongue out at his retreating back.

"Very childish, Megan," he murmured without looking back.

"Argh!!!!!" Meg threw the entire contents of the suitcase in the air and sat down heavily on the floor.

He looked back into the room, one eyebrow raised.

"Don't get yourself too worked up," he said sweetly and ducked his head back out again; narrowly missing the book that came flying towards him.

Meg slumped back against the bed and pressed her fingers into her eyes. She had the start of a headache. She felt like death warmed up and he was being no help at all.

But then what had she expected?

Tea and toast in bed each morning? She hadn't even had that from him when they'd first got married.

He had never been demonstrative and it had never really been a problem for her. She knew that if she'd had a really bad day with teaching he had always been there, ready to let her sit on his lap and listen while she whinged and generally talked herself out of handing in her notice.

She knew that even at her grottiest, when she suffered from cramps and felt pretty rotten, that she only had to ask and he'd rub her back for her, or he'd charm a pillow so that it was warm against her stomach.

So why did it matter now? Why was she getting all worked up because he was being himself?

Why was he driving her to distraction when usually she could shrug off his snarky comments? Why did she feel like curling into a small ball and blocking every one else out?

"It's your hormones."

Meg thought for one moment her subconscious side had acquired a voice of its own. One that sounded remarkably like Severus in one of his calm, gentle moods.

"Are you reading my mind again?" she asked him moving her fingers to peer up at him through tired eyes.

"Yes." He nodded and placed the cool flannel he had taken from the bathroom, across her forehead.

"And does the hormones give me headaches too?"

"No. That's stress," he said quietly, "and possibly me."

"But what would I do without you?" she asked him as he sat down on the bed and moved her to sit between his legs so he could rub her shoulders.

"Well, you wouldn't be in this state," he pointed out dryly.

"Maybe not, but you can't say we didn't have fun getting into this state." She smiled relaxing under his talented hands.

"Professor Snape!" He leant over and kissed the top of her head. "Your mind needs definite attention."

She leant back into him and sighed again, catching hold of one of his hands to tuck her chin on it.

"So we use a portkey from outside the gates?"

"Yes. I will hold onto you all the way and if you are sick on me I'll just clean up when we get to your house."

"You know something, Severus?" She moved the flannel from her head.

"What?"

"For a past master at the malicious one liner put downs, you sure know how to be sweet as well."

"Sweet?" he sounded disgusted. "You make me sound like some over-ripe plum ready for eating."

She turned in his arms and peered up at him with wicked eyes.

"Now there's a thought that needs exploring!"

"Totally shameless," he said dryly. "Thank, Merlin."

* * *

The days passed slowly for Meg who spent the better part of her mornings, teaching and dashing into her study to throw up. She refused to let anyone stand in for her. Which Snape did not over-rule as he realised that it kept her mind active.

Afternoons were not so bad and her students were relieved to be taught without having her race out at a moments notice. Of course by now, it was all round the school that she was pregnant.

At first everyone had refused to believe that Professor Meg Snape was pregnant. The vast majority of the female students found it hard enough to comprehend that she should chose to marry Snape, but to actually commit to activities that would lead to pregnancy was beyond them.

A few of the more daring Slytherins had even started a book on the odds of it not being Snape's child. Which, had they stopped to consider it, was more of an insult to Meg than Snape.

The Hufflepuffs and the Gryffindors were less suspicious in their betting and instead they ran a book on the sex and name of the child.

The Ravenclaws, who couldn't see the logic in betting on what they considered to be an unsure thing, decided instead to run a book on a sure thing; whether or not Snape would be at the birth. It was a hundred to one that he would and two to one that he wouldn't.

For once the students forgot their inter-house wars and Slytherins and Gryffindors could be seen in the corridors handing over sums of money to each other as they hurriedly scribbled in a book before being caught.

It was even rumoured that the headmaster had placed an even bet on one name for the child. This, of course, was completely false as the staff had their own book running.

Adoniphus was the least favourite; being made up by Neville under the influence of Sally Sprouts mint tea at the time. The favourite being Dinfweedel after the little plant responsible. Albus had placed a few knuts on "Candice Rainbow Snape". He had been sucking upon a Fruit Square at the time and was rather happy with the taste.

The whole thing was just a bit of fun; all be it, fun kept far away from the eyes of either Meg, who they didn't want to upset, and Severus, who they really, really, didn't want to upset.

The week had passed quietly, with only slight trouble from Adam and Brian.

Senga had visited Filch every night, who after the first couple of horrendous chores, gave up in getting no response of disgust from her and so became bored with the whole affair. By Thursday, he was quite content to set her polishing the trophies. He had realised, but really couldn't be bothered, that when after she cleaned them the first time didn't bother to do much more to them except run a duster over them, before sitting down in a corner and immersing herself in a book. He was much happier setting the two Hufflepuffs to tasks that made them groan in disgust. It was students like these that made his job worthwhile.

"Now are you sure we haven't forgotten anything?" Meg looked around at the case at her feet, the bag at Senga's and the pile of scrolls tied neatly with twine.

"Megan." Snape tapped his foot impatiently. "If we have I will just Portkey back. But I can assure you, not withstanding half of Hogwarts kitchens we have everything here we need. And no doubt several hundred things we do not."

"Fine." She resisted the urge to strangle him and smiled at Senga instead.

"Okay then, now I'm not good at these things so…"

"Megan!" Snape had enough. He motioned Senga to pick up her bag and the case. He stopped to pick up his scrolls. He slipped them inside his robe pocket and caught hold of Senga's free hand.

"Wait, I'm not ready….."

He gripped Meg tightly with his free hand and sticking his foot out kicked the stone that was serving as their portkey.

Meg was instantly sucked out of time and space and whirled through a vortex of bright colours that made her stomach heave.

"….yet." She finished speaking as they materialised inside the front room of her house.

"I see you resisted the urge of throwing up on me." Snape peered down at Meg's green face.

"Oh!" Senga just managed to jump back as Meg dry heaved over Snape. Fortunately he had prevented her from eating and nothing came up.

"I spoke too soon." He moved her across to sit in on the sofa that lined one wall. It was a huge voluminous affair. The chintzy type that when you sat on it; it ate you up and refused to let you go again.

"Wow!" Senga had moved to one side and was peering round the room.

"This is really muggle, isn't it?" she asked excitedly, momentarily forgetting who she was with.

Snape ignored her as he slid Meg's shoes from her feet and helped her curl down into the sofa.

"I'll be okay in a minute."

"Just rest a bit," he muttered and stood up to look around as well.

As sitting rooms went it was very muggle in standards. There was nothing in it to speak of her fathers' heritage or abilities.

"I thought your father was a wizard?" Senga spoke up from where she was peering at a row of photographs along the mantelpiece. "Cool," she whispered. "They don't move about!"

Snape shot her a surprised look before being diverted himself by a strange contraption in the corner of the room.

"What's that?" he asked.

Meg sat up straight on the sofa grinning. This was going to be more fun than even she'd thought.

"That's a television," she replied.

"That's a television?" he repeated her uncertainly. "It's so much smaller than I imagined and squarer."

"Didn't you have any contact with the muggle world?" Meg was asking Snape, but it was Senga who replied still staring at the stationary pictures.

"No. Mother says that muggle things are dangerous and mind warping."

Snape sent Meg a startled look, before his face became impassive once more.

"Oh, I don't think mind warping is quite the right term. Of course depending on what type of things she was referring to. Muggles have their own type of drugs that will make a person high; just like witches and wizards will use illegal potions," Meg explained.

"I think she meant everything," Senga said artlessly and drifted from the pictures towards the television. She knelt in front of it and poked at the black screen.

"Work," she commanded.

"It doesn't work like that. It needs electricity!" Meg struggled to get up from the sofa. "We need to switch on the main switch actually, before anything will happen. Mum refused to use candles in the house."

"Why?" Senga voiced the question running around Snape's brain.

"She was scared that we'd all burn to death in our sleep."

"But our candles are charmed against anything like that happening."

"I know that." Meg nodded and crossed to the door in the other corner of the room. "But my mum had never had any dealings with magic before she met my father. It didn't matter how many times he'd tell her they were quite safe she refused to trust them."

"Him you mean," Senga blurted out.

Snape frowned at her but Meg shook her head gently at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she couldn't have trusted him if she didn't believe him."

"I don't think it was a case of trust. She loved him unconditionally, that was the only reason she was able to accept what he was and in turn what we were. But despite how much she loved and trusted him; it was still a way of life completely foreign to her. She couldn't bring herself to trust the lives of people she loved most in the world to something she couldn't comprehend."

"So it was magic she didn't trust; not him." Senga nodded.

"Exactly. Come on follow me. You'll have to flick the switches, Severus, I can't reach them."

They trouped out after her into a small hallway that ran the length of the house. A flight of stairs ran up against the outside wall.

She pointed to box that was set on the wall above the front door.

"You just flick those ones." She watched as Snape reached up and flicked each switch.

She heard the whirling noise of the clock start.

"Thank goodness we aren't key. I have to change before I can show my face around here!"

"Key? Change?" Snape frowned down at her.

"Never mind! Look I'll show you the bedrooms. We'll have Jack's old room and Senga can have mine."

She started up the stairs and was aware of them close behind; Senga so wide eyed if Meg didn't know better she'd think they'd fall out.

Meg opened the door to her old room and looked around her.

Snape took out his wand and with a quick flick the room was dusted and aired nicely.

"It's…." Senga stopped inside the room.

"Girlish, I know;I'm sorry. I'm rather fond of the colour pink and lilac."

"I would never have guessed," Snape drawled looking around the rag rolled pink walls, the paint work in a lilac colour.

"It reminds me of one of Albus' Sugared Almonds," Snape muttered as stepped in to get a better look at the room. Meg blushed slightly, a little embarrassed at the colour scheme.

"Well. It beats stone walls and black carpet hands down," Senga announced and plopped onto the pink bedspread. "I like it."

Meg flashed a smug smile at Snape who glared at his niece.

"Come on, I'll show you our room." She watched Snape set Senga's bag down on the floor.

"I'll stay here if you don't mind," Senga called her eyes on the rows of books that lined one wall.

"Don't touch anything."

"Help yourself to anything in there."

Meg and Snape called out together.

"Come on, Severus. She can't spend the entire weekend staring at those books without blowing a fuse."

"It's your things," he conceded.

This is where we'll stay." She opened up the next door along and he saw Jack's old room. It was sparse compared to her room. Jack had left home before her parents died and took most of his stuff with him.

"Megan, that is a single bed."

"We can widen it. Or you can. I'll unpack."

"Why don't we use your parent's room? There must a double bed in there," he pointed out reasonably.

Meg shook her head and became exceptionally interested with the top button on one of his shirts. He didn't say any more, just widened the bed and rolled his eyes when it became impossible to reach the door without climbing over the bed first.

"Sorry," she mumbled and slid over the bed to go out of the door.

"Okay, who's for watching some telly?"

Senga appeared from her room instantly, a bright hopeful look in her eyes.

Meg grinned at her and they trouped back down the stairs again.

She went across to the telly and switched it on. A mans face announcing the six o'clock news appeared.

"Cool!" Senga sat down in a heap smack in front of it.

"Sit back a bit; you'll damage your eyes." Meg said automatically.

Is it dangerous?" she asked scooting back on her bottom, her eyes not leaving the images of the news.

"No." Meg laughed. "It's just so bright and there's so many different….oh just believe me."

"I do." She nodded and didn't blink once for the next hour.

Snape wasn't much better, although he managed to make it look as if he was only mildly interested.

It was midnight and they had sat through the six o'clock news, Eastenders, a documentary on global warming and finally a film about the end of the world arriving as an ice age.

"It's no wonder Muggles have such a high suicide rate," muttered Snape finally realising he was acting as the parental unit and nudged Meg to switch it off.

"Hum?" Meg was half asleep snuggled against his shoulder. It was nothing new to her and she'd dropped off roughly at the same time as Eastenders started.

"Such depressing things you watch," he said and stood up.

Meg sat forward and nudged Snape with her foot.

Senga was fast asleep curled on one of the cushions she had commandeered from the sofa earlier in the evening. Snape sighed and bending down he easily scooped her up into his arms and began carrying her gently up the stairs.

Meg followed behind and stood in the doorway, watching as he slid of Senga's shoes and top robe, before sliding her under the covers and tucking them around her chin.

He stood up and looked down at her. Meg came to stand beside him.

"Do you know what we missed?" she said softly, it had been the first time that day she'd had chance to say anything to him.

"What?"

"Her birthday; Neville said she had her birthday last Friday."

He looked down at her quickly and she saw him calculating it in his mind.

"Yes. I forgot; I have never forgotten before."

"We'll make it up to her this weekend." She took his hand and led him out of the room before shutting the door behind her. "What do you usually do for her?"

"I sent books," he replied and opened the door of their room.

She clambered over the bed and watched him shut and lock the door.

"What sort?"

"Oh, potion books mostly. A few transfiguration text books that I thought would help her with her studies." He began to undress.

Meg sat on the edge of the bed and felt suddenly sad.

"Poor kid," she whispered quietly.

"Pardon?" She felt him climb into the bed and lay down.

"Do you know what I got for my thirteenth birthday?"

"No."

"A pair of Rollerboots, my ears was pierced, a new chemistry set; I was already into blowing my room up every chance I got, and a trip to Alton Towers with Jack and Sarah."

"I'm not going to apologise for what I've given her over the years." His voice was defensive.

She turned sharply to look at him.

"I'm not saying you should. None of this is your fault. But I think it's time Senga has a childhood before it's too late."

"Too late?"

"She's thirteen, now fourteen. Soon it'll be her period starting, if it hasn't already; her hormones going wild. She'll get into boys, and then next thing we know she'll be eighteen and dating."

"She won't," he snapped looking horrified.

Meg smiled at him and reached out to stroke his cheek.

"No, of course not, she'll be married by the end of the year, won't she?"

"Sharp tongued witch," he retorted dryly. "Turning my own words on me."

"I just think we should try and make her happy. Goodness knows it doesn't look like she's had much of that."

"All right. We'll play it your way. What do you propose we do to "make it up to her"?"

Meg stood up and turned away from him to start undressing, a sly smile on her face.

"Well, Alton Towers isn't that far away. Although I'm not allowed on any of the rides because I'm pregnant; so you'd have to go with her. No, no, don't worry, we'll think of something else."

"Why?" he asked her and she could hear the frown in his voice.

"Well, you might not be up to the rides; they can be a bit hairy."

"I'm a wizard, Megan. I doubt if there's anything you Muggles can throw at me that will be "too much" for me," he said arrogantly.

"Okay. If you insist," Meg said sweetly and switched of the light before he could see her grin.

"Besides, how can a ride be hairy? And what is a ride anyway?" he asked into the dark.

Meg turned her face into the pillow and bit hard.

"Meg?" she heard him turn towards her, one arm came snaking over her waist.

"Hum?"

"What's a "Ride"? Is it like riding a broomstick?"

"Erm, no, not really. They are kinda hard to describe; you'll see though."

His hand sliding further down saved her from completely collapsing in giggles. Instead she squeaked.

"Severus! Senga is next door!" She slapped at his hand.

"Oh yes!" He moved away and she heard his wand swish as a silencing charm was set on the room.

She giggled for different reasons this time.

A/N:

Okay more apologies!

I had most of this written a week or so ago and I was going to finish it when my little girl picked up a viral infection somewhere. She's been really poorly and to be honest I haven't even given the story a second thought. Anyway, she's much better now, thank goodness. (Her temperature went so high at one point that she had a Febrile Convulsion )which scared the living daylights out of me!) but it's under control now.)

Anyway, thanks for being patient with me and for waiting around to read this chapter. I just hope it was okay and not too weird!

A huge thank you to everyone!

Rhubarb: I hope you are feeling better now!

B-jay: I never get bored reading reviews. Most of the time, you guys give me the inspiration to keep going.

Lunarmouse: We will find out what the book is soon, I hoped it was going to be this chapter, but as you can tell, it's not! Sorry!

Mione: Odile is a bitch isn't she?

Jen: Her birthday???? Argh!!! Only joking, it's September 30th as so far, we are only a few weeks into the new term.

Grashopper: Thanks for taking the time to review. Much appreciated.

Meilin Rae Pr: WOW! I had no idea it was as long as that! Boy can I waffle!

RowanRhys: More power to you! How do you do it? I struggle ( in a nice way) with one!

Krusty: I will be speeding things up a bit, it's just everything so far is happening over a period of three weekends. I think nine months in real life is far to long, so I certainly won't be going true to time! Whew!

Gumlick the Rickmaniac, Mary, Lisa Parry, Calvin, The ChicaChic, Frini, Whitemudfounder, Chary, McMish, Dahlia, geofan, Rugi and Gwena, bdwrm, LCM

Hope you all have a great day where ever you are!


	30. Don't Look Down!

Updated March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer.

And a big thanks to Camille, who very kindly beta-read this for me. Hooray!

You can finally have a chapter that will actually be grammatically correct!! Not to mention spelled correctly!

* * *

Severus Snape's sense of smell was impeccable. It made him able to identify even the most hidden of spices in his food. He could take apart any dish served to him and label every ingredient just by one taste and one delicate sniff. He had never in his life been faced with a food that he had found impossible to identify; until now. 

He frowned and poked at the offending "food" item with the tiny wooden fork that Megan had handed him. Had he not been accosted with the truly sickening smell of some kind of meat and an overload of grease, he would have sworn it was indeed cardboard he was faced with. He gave it another poke and narrowed his eyes at his wife.

"What is it?"

"Food, Severus. Go ahead; try it, you may like it."

She was smirking; he could see it, a huge smirk on her face that left him in no doubt: she was laughing at him, laughing at his expense. His frown deepened and a sneer curled his lips.

His niece was no better. She hadn't even looked at what was set in front of her; she'd just picked it up, took a huge bite and was now chewing with a look of rapt delight on her face.

"Go ahead, Uncle…." she murmured, spraying tiny amounts of what looked like half eaten animal across her plate, before taking another huge bite.

Severus felt faintly ill.

"Is it mineral, vegetable or animal?" he inquired, gingerly picking up the offending burger and sniffing it gently.

Meg blushed and kicked out at him under the table of the fast food restaurant.

"Severus!" She looked around her but most people were engaged in their own food. No one noticed the behaviour of the rather odd threesome sitting at the table overlooking the huge park.

"Well! Which is it?" he demanded, not in the slightest bit worried if anyone was staring at him oddly. He wasn't about to risk internal damage for the sake of "keeping face" in public.

"I have no idea," Senga announced wiping sauce from her chin. "But it tastes fantastic. Can I have another one please?"

Meg laughed and handed over some money.

"Go ahead."

Senga stood up and wiggled slightly to pull her jeans up a bit. She was totally unused to wearing jeans. These were her first ever pair and she couldn't stop herself from wiggling her hips every so often.

Snape had his attention diverted from his burger; he glared at her.

"What is the problem?" he demanded.

"Nothing. They just slip down every so often." She grinned and bounced her way across the food area to the till. Meg shook her head and smirked again.

"I'm not so sure this was a good idea bringing her here," he grumbled.

"I think eating is going to be the problem, not coming here. She's having a great time, leave her be Severus."

"Ha!" He slapped his palm down on the table. "So there is something suspect about this…" He indicated his burger.

"No." Meg laughed again and sat back in her seat.

Her own nausea had ruled out the possibility of her eating a burger, but she was managing a Chocolate Thickshake very well so far. She was having immense fun at Snape's expense, and she was making no attempt to hide it.

Severus Snape might be a formidable wizard, a master potion brewer and an evil teacher to boot, but this was her world. A world he had no idea how to react to, and it gave her a feeling of power over him that she wanted to extort shamelessly.

Senga came back breathlessly with another burger, a carton of fries and a thickshake like Meg's.

"I love this," she announced and plopped down.

"Don't make yourself sick, the rides will be doing that soon enough." Meg laughed. She had no intention of denying the girl what she wanted.

They had arrived at Alton Towers just before lunch. Meg had refused point blank to Apparate, so they had to catch a taxi, one which had relieved Severus of a fair amount of money.

He had sat in the back and moaned all the way about the cost of things in the Muggle world and how Apparating was so much easier, and couldn't she just hold her breath and then sit down afterwards?

But eventually they had arrived at the entrance to the park. It was nearing the end of the season, and since most school children were back at school, it wasn't as packed as it could have been. Of course, being Alton Towers, it was still quite busy and they had been told that there was a half hour to hour wait on some of the rides.

Senga had asked for something to eat first and so, after wondering down Tower Street and being held up every couple of minutes by Senga "oohing" and "ahhing" over things, they had stopped at the first food area they found and Megan had done the ordering.

She watched now as Senga opened the guide they had been given and, taking a huge bite from her burger, poured over the guide.

"I recommend getting the larger rides over and done with first. They will be the ones you have to wait for." Meg peered over Senga's shoulder, still aware of Snape poking at his burger with a sneer on his face.

"Megan, just tell me what's in it," he commanded, not taking any note of them studying the guide.

"Oh, for goodness sake," Meg muttered, "I expect it's vegetable matter and beef mixed up together."

She refrained from telling him he was worse than a child; it wouldn't do to insult him in front of his niece.

"You imagine?" he inquired, raising one black eyebrow at her and sneering faintly. "You mean you don't actually know?"

"Well, no." She frowned, "It's perfectly harmless…." She frowned deeper as she remembered the newspaper report she'd seen once about a chicken's head being found in someone's chicken nuggets. Oh well, what he didn't know couldn't hurt her!

"I hardly doubt it's harmless. I shall wait till we get home," he announced and pushed the burger away disdainfully.

"Suit yourself." Meg grinned happily.

He arched both eyebrows at her and she didn't miss the gleam that entered them briefly. She knew he'd have something to say when they were on their own.

Finally finished they made their way out of the food area into the bright sunshine.

"Which way?"

Senga had started to gravitate towards the ride called Oblivion.

"Come on then." Meg looked across at where Snape stood with his arms folded, his black eyes taking in everything around him.

Meg's breath caught in her throat. She had always been attracted to him. But now, standing in black chinos and a midnight blue turtleneck jumper he looked… amazing.

He had refused point blank to wear jeans and had instead decided to transfigure his black work trousers into a looser fitting pair of chinos. Meg had pointed out to him that they did not want to stand out and as such, his coat would have to go as well. He had reluctantly allowed her to change his white shirt into the turtle neck jumper, and then even more reluctantly, he had tied his hair back away from his face. It was tied at his nape, and Meg was amazed at the difference it made. It somehow made his nose more prominent than ever, made his black eyes stand out even more. But, it also made it very hard for Meg not to drool each time she looked at him.

As they approached the X-Sector, Senga turned and came back to them.

"Can we go on that one?" She pointed to the Black Hole ride.

Snape nodded and moved forward.

"I'll walk further down and find a seat," Meg said and smiled at Senga.

Snape turned to her as Senga went and joined the queue.

"Will you be okay?" he asked her, a slight touch of concern showing in his eyes.

"Yes, I don't think anyone will run off with me." She smiled and patted his arm.

"See you on the other side!" she laughed, leaving a startled Snape.

"It surely can't be that bad," he called but only heard her laugh as she waved over her shoulder.

His eyes narrowing, he moved towards the fencing and went through to catch up with Senga. As he turned the corner a horrific noise assaulted his ears, making it plain why there was still a waiting time for certain rides. There was a school trip visiting and to his horror, it seemed as if the entire class of thirty or so students were all waiting to go on the same ride as them.

He stopped beside where Senga had climbed up to sit on the railings.

She had her legs slightly apart and she was leaning forward on her knees, exactly the same position as half of the students ahead of them.

"Wouldn't you rather go on another one first?" he asked her frowning darkly at where a child of no more than thirteen was talking nosily to the child beside her. She was chewing gum and talking at high speed, excitement apparent in every angle of her body.

"If you want to." Senga avoided his eyes and instead studied the students in front.

Snape turned black eyes on her and watched her carefully. It became apparent to him that she was trying to copy the body language of the girls in front. She had even taken of her jumper and tied it around her waist in the same manner as they had.

It made him frown. Why would she adopt the slovenly attitude of these children? Was she just trying to blend in as Meg had asked them both to do before leaving the house this morning?

Senga opened her brochure and found the details for this ride.

"It says you need 20:20 vision to see. I don't have that. Do you?" She looked up at him and was surprised to see him leaning back against the opposite railing, his arms crossed and his legs crossed. He looked almost relaxed.

"Yes I do. So do you or you'd be wearing glasses," he pointed out.

"We should be okay then," she said artlessly and jumped lightly down as the queue began to move forward.

Snape stood up and, keeping his arms folded, looked down at her.

"I apologise for missing your birthday. I hope this weekend will make up for it. It was your Aunt Megan's idea, of course," he added dryly.

"It doesn't matter." She had stiffened up and her face had lost its happy look. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"What else did you receive this year?" he asked, trying for conversational but not quite making it.

"Mr. Longbottom gave me a Quidditch programme."

Snape snorted, and his face acquired a slightly amused sneer that was reserved for Neville alone.

"And your parents?"

"Mother… Mother sent me a text book, to help with my studies."

Snape looked sharply at her, but she was studying the railings with intense interest.

"Which text book would that be?" he inquired softly.

"I forget. I haven't looked at it properly yet," she hedged and was eternally grateful when they reached the entrance and was shown into a dark room.

Snape stared ahead of him, waiting for his eyes to become accustomed to the dimness. He saw what looked like trains in front of them.

Watching how the rest of the people were getting on, he took Senga's arm and led her forward. He got into the train, sat down and then helped Senga to sit in front of him between his legs.

Senga felt a stirring of excitement in her veins.

"What do you suppose will happen?" she asked at bit breathlessly.

"I suggest we wait and find out," came the dry reply from behind her.

Snape was unused to being as close to another person, other than Meg, as he was now. The sheer design of the carriage made it impossible for him to keep any distance from his niece. Instead, his legs were curled around hers and his arms rested along the sides.

"Keep your arms in please, sir," came a voice form the edge. Immediately, Snape brought his arms in and rested his hands on her knees. There was nowhere else to put them.

"I am not hurting you, am I?" he inquired his voice devoid of the awkwardness he was feeling.

"No." He saw her shake her head and then heard her gasp as the ride began to move forwards.

He frowned, wondering what was in store. It seemed strange to him, a ride which was in complete darkness. What would be the point of that? At least on a broomstick you could appreciate the landscape below you or the sky above you.

It seemed to take forever climbing up and up and up and then, with a squeal from Senga, it suddenly began to drop downwards, round and round, faster and faster.

Senga forgot who was behind her and squeezed back into him. His arms tightened around her.

Had they lost control? Had the brakes failed? Surely this wasn't supposed to happen.

He could just about make out what was supposed to be stars in the otherwise pitch black. He couldn't see anyone in front, but he could hear the uncontrollable screaming of the children.

Senga was silent in his arms, only the death grip she had on his forearms giving away that she was being affected by the speed of the ride.

He moved his head forward and pressed his mouth close to her ear.

"Are you okay?" he frowned and added, "I suppose this is supposed to happen?"

A strangled squeal was the only answer he got from her and then…. it was over. The ride stopped and she leant right back, her head on his chest.

"I thought I was going to die," she whispered and closed her eyes.

Severus looked down at her. With her lids tight shut against the brown eyes, she looked like her mother. It could almost be Odile in his arms. Except he couldn't recall Odile ever being this close to him, let alone allowing him to hold her; not that he would want to.

He narrowed his eyes as he studied her white face. Her face didn't have the harsh lines his sisters did. Her eyebrows were a natural black, slightly straggly at the ends, natural and gentle. Odile's were thin, cruel black lines made by a pencil. Senga's lips were relaxed and unmade up, unlike Odile's thin and hard, blood red lips.

Snape felt something contract inside his chest. He didn't want his niece becoming her mother.

Senga sat forward and staggered out of the cart. Snape stood in one fluid movement and followed her out of the building. Meg was hovering at the entrance. His face became impassive and his eyebrows arched faintly when he came to stand in front her.

"I think I left my stomach at the top," Senga muttered and grinned at Meg.

"Good?" Meg beamed at them both. "Of course I think that's one of the tamer ones. Come on then; oblivion only has a half hour waiting time." She watched Senga dance ahead, her stomach now fully recovered.

"Well?" Meg fell into step with an arrogant looking Snape.

"Well?" He looked down at her, his eyebrows arched. "Such strange things you Muggleborns do for thrills."

"Not impressed? Not in the slightest bit alarmed even? Didn't you even think of getting your wand out?" She slipped her am into his and grinned happily when he covered her hand with his and tucked her hand into his elbow.

"Megan. I told you, I doubt there is anything here that will even remotely unsettle me."

"Good, 'cause Senga has gone ahead." Meg shooed Snape into the start of the walkway leading to Oblivion. She was smirking again.

She didn't believe him for one moment. She knew he was far too analytical to approach these rides as they were supposed to be: as fun, something to be enjoyed. But she doubted whether he had been completely unmoved. He was a man that usually had everything tightly under-control; here he had no control.

She watched him now as he caught up with Senga.

She sat herself on a bench and watched the vertical drop ride. Half of her was quite envious. She loved things like this. But the other half of her was more disappointed that she wouldn't be able to see his reaction at the top.

Senga tied her jumper more tightly, her eyes on something behind them.

"I wonder if that hurt," she mused.

"What?"

They were almost at the top and he was looking out over the grounds below. He could make out the green of Meg's jumper as she sat on one of the benches. His eyes scanned over the people below, students running here and there screaming at the top of their lungs.

"The lady behind us has a ring through her belly-button," she said quietly, her eyes riveted to the ring.

Severus turned to lean against the railing and without moving his head let his eyes slide round till he saw the lady in question; his eyebrows shot up.

"It would appear she is a slave. I was under the impression it was outlawed amongst Muggles here," he murmured.

"What?" Senga frowned at him.

"Look at her right hand," he said quietly.

Senga looked at the bracelet, which was fastened around her wrist; it was made of hundreds of tiny gold inter-linked circles that spread down over her hand and ended joined to a ring she wore on her third finger.

"What like a house-elf?" she asked her eyes ogling now.

"I don't know. I shouldn't think so. We'll ask Aunt Megan when we finish here."

"Okay!" Senga looked up at him and bit her lip. "Can I ask you a question?"

He looked momentarily startled before an impassive look came over his face. "Yes."

"Will… Aunt Meg still teach potions or will you teach potions?"

He frowned at her and moved her along slightly as the queue began to move again.

"When?"

"After the baby is born."

"Ah! Of course, the baby; you know by now."

"Are you joking? Everyone knows," she said, sounding surprised.

"We haven't discussed what will happen, but I assume your Aunt will stay with the baby." He frowned, hiding his internal thoughts well. It hadn't even occurred to him what Meg would do once the baby was born. He hadn't quite got that far in his acceptance of it yet.

"And will you all live in the dungeons or will you get a place somewhere else?"

Snape saw the man in front turn to stare at them; he'd obviously been listening and was now wondering who would live in a dungeon. Snape arched a dark eyebrow at him and sneered his most dangerous sneer, one usually reserved for his most detested students.

The man turned quickly away and began talking to his wife about the colour of the flowers down below them at the top of his voice.

Snape looked back down at Senga and narrowed his eyes at her.

"We are almost at the top now," he remarked.

"Yes, I know. So where will you live?" she repeated her question.

"We haven't discussed that yet…." He sighed inwardly; it was becoming apparent that they hadn't actually discussed anything yet.

It was his turn to be grateful when they reached the top this time.

* * *

He felt unsettled. He was completely unable to move forwards or backwards. His back was pressed tightly against the restraints, the bars holding him tightly. He was so glad that there was no one else from Hogwarts to witness the complete and utter ridiculousness of what he doing. 

"Okay?"

Senga sat beside him; once again, her face was flushed with excitement.

He sneered. He just didn't see it; he couldn't understand this fascination for strapping yourself into a contraption that had absolutely no magic to make it safe.

The ride reached the top and turned slightly round a corner.

How bad could it be? He had faced and endured many things in his past, experienced a lot of pain and true fear. What could possible affect him?

The ride moved forward and began to dip sharply and then suddenly he was hanging there, face down, looking straight down into a pit that had smoke curling up from it.

A sense of utter doom squeezed his insides together. He knew immediately that in seconds they would be plummeting into that pit. His stomach made a quick jump into his throat. He hadn't quite realised what he would be facing. He knew he was quite safe; at least no one had died on this contraption, or so Megan had told him. But even so, it was the complete lack of control, the knowledge that there was no going back, no changing his mind. The only way down was the vertical drop, and he wouldn't be in control.

"Oh, Merlin," came a tiny squeak from Senga, but he had no time to say anything; in fact, he wasn't sure he could speak.

Senga screamed as the ride suddenly dropped and they went hurtling down into the pit.

Snape was completely unable to prevent the grunt escaping his lips as they surged upward and around the corner to come finally to a halt at the beginning again.

"Oh, bloody hell," Senga whispered.

"Language," he muttered and ran a hand down over his face. He had a few dozen other words for that ride that no doubt Senga had never even heard before, but he'd be damned before he let anyone see how affected he'd been. In seconds, his arrogant sneer was firmly back in place; although, his stomach was still struggling to resume its proper place after having taken temporary residence in his throat.

"If you're sick, you have no one to blame but yourself," he informed Senga, who was white faced. But her eyes gleamed with excitement as they got out of the seats and began to walk back to the exit.

"Merlin! I HAVE to do that again," she cried and started towards the entrance again.

Snape almost panicked.

"Wait!" He folded his arms and shook his head, a light frown between his eyes. "There are so many others rides for you. Why don't you wait and see if we have time after everything else?"

"Oh, good idea, Uncle!" She grinned. "Let's find Aunt Meg." She tore off down the gravel path towards where Meg was standing clutching something and grinning widely.

Snape resisted the urge to Apparate back to Hogwarts; but only just.

Meg and Senga had their heads together laughing over something when he reached them.

"What have you got?" he asked and took the piece of paper Meg held out.

He stared at it and instantly knew what it was. There must have been some infernal camera attached to the ride, and it had taken a photograph of them as they had dropped. Senga was frozen into a shocked position, her hair flying backwards, her mouth open.

Snape stared at the frozen picture of himself and groaned inwardly. His face was whiter than normal and his mouth was open too, like some snotty nosed school child, but it was the look of pure horror in his eyes that made him groan. It was a look reflected on every face on the ride, but that wasn't the point. There was no way he could convince Meg he was unmoved by Muggle technology.

"Did I forget to tell you? You shouldn't look down, dear!" Meg's voice was innocent but the triumphant gleam in her eyes was enough to make his face dark as thunder.

"There's that slave again! Is she a slave?" Senga indicated towards a tall lady.

Meg took in her slim, tanned, hardly dressed body with a touch of envy before turning to Senga.

"What makes you say she's a slave?" She couldn't keep the laughter from her voice.

"She has a ring in her belly button and a bracelet on her wrist," Senga informed her, her voice so like Snape's that a shudder ran down Meg's back.

Meg looked as the lady passed them and frowned at Severus.

"Why do you say she's a slave?"

"She wears a slave bracelet." He frowned back.

"That's not a slave bracelet, at least not here in this country." She shook her head slowly. "It's the fashion, so is the belly-button ring. I considered having mine done a while back, but it was too expensive, and I was frighten of how much it would hurt, besides the fact that my belly is nothing to be proud of anyway."

Severus looked at her as if she had grown three heads and was about to eat him. Senga looked at her Aunt with awe in her eyes.

"I want one," she said wistfully.

Snape blinked twice before glaring down at her, his arms folded and his back straight.

"Most certainly not," he growled at her.

Meg watched as Senga seemed to shrink in on herself. She saw her internal shutters come down and her face go blank. Snape was still growling something about totally offensive and not allowing her to desecrate her body in such a way.

Meg sighed inwardly. He couldn't see that the more he ranted at her the more she was shutting herself off. At this rate they would never get her to open up to them.

"Severus, I would be grateful if you would get me some water. The heat is getting to me." Meg shamelessly fanned herself with her guide, pretending a fit of exhaustion.

Snape turned to her instantly and caught her elbows to help her sit down on the bench.

"Are you unwell?" He felt her forehead which was cool, unsurprisingly.

"A bit tired; a glass of water would do the job. Thank you."

Snape was never one for fawning or coddling, but when it came to Meg, and in her current condition, he would gladly do whatever she asked.

"Certainly. Senga, sit with your Aunt. I won't be a moment."

Meg looked up at him wanly and smiled weakly.

"Take your time!" She watched as he began to walk back up to the food hall.

"Right." Meg sat up straight and turned sharp eyes on Senga. "There, now I suggest that neither of us talks about belly-button rings for the rest of the day." Meg smiled at Senga who looked momentarily stunned before realisation dawned.

"You're not unwell, are you?"

"Never said I was, and water will go down very well. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Oh, yes." Senga smiled, some of her walls coming down slightly. "I had no idea there were places like this."

"What sort of things did you do before you came across here then?"

"Oh, nothing really." The walls slammed back into place and Meg back pedalled quickly.

"Do you think your uncle will survive the rest of the day?" she grinned.

"He hates it here," Senga realised. "Why is he here if he hates it so much?"

"I don't think he hates it, more doesn't really understand it. Besides, he's here for you. Despite what you may think, he cares a great deal for you."

Senga frowned down at her shoes.

"There's one thing I've learnt about your uncle; he'll do anything for the people he cares for most. We want you to be happy at Hogwarts; we want you to be happy with us."

"He said the same thing," Senga mumbled and began kicking at a loose stone on the floor.

"Another thing I've learnt; he never says things he doesn't mean."

Senga looked up as her uncle came back with a plastic cup of water.

"Do you want anything else?" he asked her as Megan took the cup with a smile.

"No, thank you, just sitting has made me feel much better. Are you ready to go on any more rides?"

"Senga?" Snape looked at his niece, one eyebrow arched; silently praying to every god he had ever heard of, that she said no. No one was listening.

"Oh, yes." She grinned and stood up and then, frowning slightly, she looked at her uncle.

"You can stay with Aunt Meg for a bit if you want. I will be okay. I've watched this one and it doesn't look that bad, and Aunt Meg may need more water."

Snape narrowed his eyes as he watched the ride in question and slid dark eyes back to his niece. Perhaps someone had heard his prayer after all.

"Very wise; we will wait here for you." He watched as Senga ran off, relief coursing through him. His stomach was grateful too.

"She's a nice girl," Meg commented after draining her cup.

Snape grunted, his eyes not leaving the figure of his niece as she queued for the ride.

"Where is it?" he asked her suddenly, his eyes still not leaving Senga.

"Where's what?" asked Meg looking around her at the different areas.

"That photograph."

"Ah the evidence!" Meg grinned and slid closer to him, to rest her hand on his leg.

He arched his eyebrows but didn't move his eyes. He narrowed them as he saw Senga start to talk to a few girls in front of her.

Meg followed his intense gaze and sighed.

"Relax, Severus. Nothing will happen to her; she'll be fine."

"Don't change the subject. I want that photograph."

"Why?" asked Meg innocently.

"Because I have no desire to see it pinned to the staff room notice board," he informed her darkly, refusing to move his gaze despite her words.

"Severus! How could you possibly think I would do such a thing to you?"

"I know you would. Please give it to me."

"But surely, you weren't frightened? I mean you do look a bit…er… open-mouthed. And I suppose one could interpret the look in your eyes as being abject horror. But everyone knows that you are a 'wizard'." She threw his own words back at him and gazed innocently at her hands.

"Megan, there are infinite ways of making you return that photograph and, unfortunately for you, I happen to know most of them."

"Oh promises, promises," she sighed and battered her eyelashes at him.

He sneered, the movement of her eyelids not lost on him even though his eyes were still glued on his niece.

"Megan, I won't warn you again. The photograph - "

"Is perfectly safe in my pocket. You may have it when we get home."

"Don't boss me about," he growled and, dragging his eyes reluctantly from Senga, he slid his arm around her shoulder and bent his mouth to her ear.

"You are really pushing me, aren't you?" he breathed into her ear making shivers run down her back.

"I'm not touching you," she replied.

"I will discuss this with you later on this evening, Megan Snape, and you can be assured no mercy will be shown."

"I'm not asking for any," she replied and sighed as he lifted his head to look back at Senga.

"She's gone," he barked, beginning to stand up, his hand reaching for the wand up his sleeve.

"She's on the ride." Meg placed her hand on his arm.

His eyes searched the now rapidly moving ride until he caught the splash of colour that was her jumper. He sat back down and turned to Meg once more.

He muttered a few words and before Meg knew what was happening, the photograph lay in his palm. Another word and it disintegrated before her eyes.

"You spoil sport, you." she grinned. "Besides, no matter what, you can't erase the memory from here!" She touched her head.

"Ah! But I can with a few choice spells," he sneered at her and instantly wanted to kick himself when he saw her face pale.

"I'm sorry. That was completely inconsiderate of me." He frowned. "Of course I would never do anything to alter your memory."

"I know; it doesn't matter," she said softly her colour returning. Even after three years, her experience with Dean Rider had the ability to cast dark shadows over her soul. She knew he could never hurt her again, but the pieces of her memory, which was still lost to her, and the feeling of loosing control which he had instilled, could still haunt her.

Meg smiled sadly down at her cup for a few seconds before looking back up at him, the shadows gone from her eyes.

"I don't think she is entirely convinced that you are happy she is here," Meg spoke softly.

Snape looked momentarily startled before his face became impassive again.

"I have informed her I am glad she has been placed here. I still wish to know what she did to get away from Durmstrang, but she is unwilling to tell me." He frowned at where he saw Senga getting off the ride. She swayed slightly and then began to head back towards them.

"I think….." Meg frowned, "I have a feeling she was expecting something different."

"What do you mean?" he asked, sharply pinning her with black eyes.

"I have no idea what type of letters you wrote to each other, but I have the feeling that she thought you'd be a bit more… well er… friendlier."

"Friendlier?" His eyebrows arched high as a faint sneer graced his lips. "I am her teacher."

"You are her uncle before her teacher, and you will be her uncle long after you stop being her teacher."

Meg watched as he thought over her words.

"I do not know how…." He stopped as he realised he had said his thoughts out loud.

"Not many parents do, but you have to try. She can't hate you for trying to be there for her, but she can hate you for not trying at all."

"I am trying! I am here," he spoke sharply, not liking what he was hearing, even though most of him knew it was the truth.

"Tell her that," Meg prompted and stood up as Senga arrived back breathless with delight.

"That is most amazing!" she announced. "Can we go to Ugland? I just spoke to some girls and they've just come from there. They said the Corkscrew rollercoaster is just to die for!"

Meg hid a smirk at the way Senga spoke. She was like a sponge, soaking up everything she could about the place; she was even trying to sound like the other children now.

"I sincerely hope it isn't worth dying for!" Snape stood up and offered his arm to Meg, who, with slightly raised eyebrows, took it.

* * *

Snape was so relieved when he walked away from the finale ride of the day. He was quite certain he had left his stomach half way round on the Nemesis ride and convinced his heart plummeted straight to the bottom of the pit on Oblivion, never to be seen again. He would never be the same; and he blamed Meg completely.

He had thought the children had Hogwarts had been unruly, but he was quite unprepared for what seemed like hundreds of children all swarming around, hands and faces dirty and sticky, eyes shining brightly with excitement, whinging and complaining, shouting and demanding at the top of their voices.

He had been completely unprepared for the sheer horror of some of the rides. He had hated every moment of queuing, with screaming children behind and in front of him, pushing and shoving. He had kept his most feared sneer on his face and almost all the children had kept their distance from this unfriendly, nasty looking man. But it hadn't made any difference to the noise level.

He was convinced that he would be hearing those screams in his dreams for weeks to come. He made a mental note that Meg would be waking up with him if he was about to suffer sleepless nights. It was, after all, her idea he was even in this horrendous place Muggles called "entertainment."

He sighed and looked across at where Senga was disappearing into one of the shops. He strode after her, his arms still folded across his front, his eyes chips of hard black ice.

Senga was at the point of exhaustion even before she entered the last shop on Tower Street, but she was determined to make the most of the day. She knew it was highly unlikely that she would ever experience anything like this again, and her desire to be different was stronger than ever.

She became increasingly aware of the difference between children born to Muggles and herself. She wanted to be like them. She wanted to spend time just playing, not worrying whether she was going to be able to memorise the entire potions ingredients for the test next week. Not having to worry if she knew exactly how to defend herself against a Grimbletoad. She was quite sure that most of the children here had never heard of a Grimbletoad, let alone knew how to overcome one.

They didn't need to know. They didn't have one parent who was a Black Witch and expecting her to be the same.

Senga shivered despite the heat and refused to let herself think of her mother. She still had the rest of the day and the following morning before she would have to think about going back to Hogwarts.

For that time, at least, she could pretend she was just another child with her Aunt and Uncle, enjoying herself and having nothing more complicated to worry about than what they would have for tea.

"If you are ready to leave?" Her uncle had come up behind her without her seeing him.

She jumped slightly but hid it by tuning quickly to face him.

"Thank you, for bringing me here," she said quietly as he led her out to where Meg was waiting by the Leaping Frog Fountain.

"Ready?" Meg smiled at them both, and Senga suddenly found herself wishing she could turn and run and never look back.

She didn't want to be a witch. She didn't want to go back Hogwarts and learn about the twelve uses of Dragon's Blood. She didn't want to know about any of it, and if she suddenly lost her ability to do magic, it wouldn't bother her. In fact, she'd probably be the happiest girl alive.

She nodded, feeling sick to her stomach.

"At last," Snape muttered as he began to stride on ahead towards the entrance, immensely relieved that Meg hadn't mentioned anything about buying a half price ticket to return tomorrow.

As far as Snape was concerned, this place could disappear into the bowels of the earth, and he wouldn't blink an eye.

* * *

Snape felt like a human sandwich. Almost before they had even left the small village of Alton, Senga had fallen asleep, her head dropping onto his shoulder. Meg hadn't been long behind, and now, as the taxi drew up outside her house, he had two females attached to his shoulders, snoring gently.

The taxi driver got out and came to open the door.

"Nice sight that Gov'," he smiled as he watched Snape gently shake Meg awake.

She blinked a few times and came awake with a smile. "Oh, are we home?"

She got out, and took the money Snape handed her. She paid the driver as Snape gently scooped Senga into his arms and climbed out of the taxi, careful not to wake her.

"Seems I'm destined to spend half my life putting her to bed," he remarked dryly as Meg let them into the small house.

She laughed and went into the living room. She stopped suddenly, making Snape almost walk into her.

"What have you done to my daughter?" came an icy cold voice from the living room.

Odile stared at Snape, a look of pure white fury reflected in her eyes.

A/N:

Okay, firstly can I just say I feel like a real writer now. I have my very own beta-reader. Hugs to Camille for all her hard work.

Secondly, I want to say a big thank you to everyone. You have been so kind about my little girl. It meant a lot to me that so many of you care. Thank you.

A few things I should say before the flames appear. It's been YEARS since I went to Alton Towers and I'm sure I've remembered it wrong. I did go on their website to get a few correct names, but my memory is definitely not what it was, (it's old age creeping up fast!) so to everyone who reads this and thinks:- "Huh? I don't think so!" I'm sorry!!

By the way, have you seen they've got this new flying rollercoaster thing? I so want to go. (Looks pleadingly at husband, who just snorts and says "as if!" (money! Again!)) Apologies to everyone who lives outside of the UK and doesn't know what the hell I'm rambling about this time!

Thanks to everyone who reads this, I just hope you like it.

Thanks to:

Laura: Your reviews never bore me! No ones do! Neville won't be taking Snape's place. After all, Snape has to learn that he needs to put effort into it if he wants Senga to do okay! But Nev, is certainly going to help to a certain extent. Thanks for the lyrics, I love you sending Lyrics, they are always spot on! And I agree with you about love. When you find the right person it's great.

Liana: Thanks for reviewing. It makes my day and helps me to keep going.

Calvin: Thanks again! Snape has realised that maybe he doesn't want Senga "married off at 14". It's quite a turn around for him and one that hasn't quite sunk in yet!

Martha and Squirrel: The Phone bill???? Argh!!! You have my sympathies if it look anything like mine! And that's just talking as I don't pay for my internet connection.

Krusty: Your 100 knuts have been placed accordingly! You're onto a sure thing there! I'm a firm believer in letting the man see exactly just how hard it actually is! (My father, god bless him, used to tell me it was like shelling peas! How he knew this I have no idea! Especially as he wasn't present at either my brothers birth or mine! It just wasn't done in those days! My mum would just look at him and scoff!)

Frini: Dinner with the Malfoys is still on the cards, although as you've probably guessed it won't be a happy affair. As for his relationship with Megan, he's still going to put his foot in it and as she gets more hormonal on a regular basis!

Lisa Parry: I'm not certain I've heard that song. ( How sad am I?) I'm more of a song person than a group person - Song of the moment for me is "Nickelback's" "How you remind me" oh and " Light my fire /Aign't no sunshine by Will Young. Oh and that one by Pink. Hero from Superman….erm I'd better stop there!

Lunarmouse: Thanks for your lovely words, you made me feel so much better! She's on her feet again and I'm actually relieved when she's naughty now!

Jen: Jennifer is a very pretty name - It always makes me think of Irish fairies. I have no idea why - must be a story buried in my subconscious from my misplaced childhood I think. And what would I do without you to set me back on the straight and narrow! I will try and iron out my discrepancy in owling (somehow…. Erm… any ideas?)

Mary: I had to put him on Oblivion! I don't think anyone can ride that one and not suddenly "find god"!

Chary: Thanks for giving me the idea of the photograph! ;-) I had completely forgotten they had cameras on those things still you reminded me! Thanks!

Big big thanks to : Rugi and Gwena: Dahlia: Chero-Angel: Fluere113: Camille: B-Jay:

I hope everyone has a great day!


	31. Sticks and Stones

Usual Disclaimer: I own nothing 

Updated: March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer: I own nothing!!!

Thanks to Camille for her hard work on beta-ing this and finding loop-holes.

* * *

"I'm okay, Mother. I must have fallen asleep." Senga stirred in Snape's arms. He looked down and quickly set her on her feet. 

"Just what is the meaning behind all this, Severus? And what on earth have you got on?" Odile stared in horror at her brother and daughter.

"J…Jeans… we had to blend…." Senga stammered under the icy glare of her mother.

"And exactly why did you have to 'blend'?"

Her question was directed at Severus. She hadn't even acknowledged Meg at all; she hadn't even glanced in her direction.

"As you are aware, it was Senga's birthday. We took her out for the day. I felt it wise not to draw too much attention to ourselves." Snape's voice was completely devoid of anything except infinite hardness.

"Won't you sit down? I can get us some tea?" Meg tried to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation.

She was aware of Senga's retreat behind her blank expression. She didn't want the child to get hurt in the crossfire.

Odile looked faintly horrified as her eyes took in the room around her. It was a direct insult, one which made the hackles on the back of Meg's neck rise. It took all her self-control not to react to it.

"I think not," Odile replied crisply. "This dress is relatively new, and I don't want to spoil it."

Meg made a choking noise in her throat. She clenched her hands into fists and glared at the woman.

"I can assure you, it is quite clean in here," she said sharply, her voice almost as cold as Odile's.

Odile regarded her for the first time and raised a sharp eyebrow at her.

"If you insist," she said, giving Meg a sweeping look, which took in her mused hair and her old clothes. She shuddered delicately and turned once again to Snape, dismissing Meg with a slight wave of her hand.

Meg gasped and looked to Snape for back up, but he was just standing there, his face impassive, his arms folded, and he was back in his traditional clothes. His hair had been pulled loose of the ponytail and was hanging limply around his face.

Meg blinked, she hadn't seen him change his clothes back again, but there he was, long frock-coat covering a white shirt and black trousers. Meg felt betrayed, and she made a clicking noise with her tongue, but still he made no move to look at her.

"Severus?" she spoke clearly, even though she wanted to shout at him.

"Tea would be acceptable," he said slowly, walking toward the settee to sit down, his long legs crossing easily as he looked up at Odile.

Meg blinked. That was not what she had been asking, but she found herself heading to the kitchen, aware that she had just been dismissed in her own home. Anger raced through her veins, pure hot anger, but she bit it back. She had to keep Senga in mind. She could not afford to loose control in front of the girl.

"What is going on, Severus? Where did you take her?" Odile's imperial voice drifted through to where Meg was banging the kettle onto the counter.

"She was in no danger, Odile," came the soft reply.

"That's not what I asked you! Morgana! Where have you been?"

Meg came back into the room just as Senga replied, "We visited a Muggle Theme Park." Her voice was oddly flat and reflected no emotion whatsoever.

Odile looked as if she'd been hit with a Bludger.

"Why?" She looked at Severus in astonishment.

"Education," he snorted, taking the cup from Meg's hand, but he neither looked at her nor spoke to her.

Meg fumed silently and crossed to perch on a chair. She watched as Odile, who, still standing in the middle of the room, looked at Snape.

"Education?" she asked, her voice slightly less icy. Her eyebrows arched as she watched him sip his tea with satisfaction.

"Yes, education." He nodded and, setting his cup on the table beside him, stood up. "Morgana, it has been a long day, you are very tired. We will see you in the morning."

It was a dismissal that Senga recognised and instantly obeyed. She nodded her head at her uncle and moved to the door, hesitating before looking back at her mother with blank eyes.

"Thank you for your present, Mother. I look forward to reading it."

Odile turned sharp eyes on her daughter, and a tiny smile graced her lips, but made no effort to reach her eyes.

"You are welcome."

Senga left the room and closed the door after her.

"What book did you send her?" asked Snape casually, as he advanced to stand in front of the fireplace.

"A text book," Odile said and folded her arms much like he had folded his. "What do you stand to gain from educating her this way?"

Meg felt as if she were lost in a play so macabre that half of her hoped she was dreaming.

"Have you ever been to one of these Muggle places?" he asked her, already knowing the answer.

"Of course not, you insult me with the mere suggestion," she snapped.

"Then you are quite unaware how absolutely horrendous they are," he replied, and Meg briefly saw the truth reflected on his face. He wasn't lying to her; that was what he truly thought about it.

"I can imagine." She shuddered delicately again and moved one hand to tap long, slender fingers against her lips as she considered what he was saying.

"Morgana is at a delicate point in her life: I am merely attempting to guide her in the right direction," he continued.

Odile narrowed her sharp black eyes and looked across to Meg, who, keeping her face blank, raised her eyebrows at the other woman.

"I'm not so sure you are the correct one to do that. Your own loyalties seem to have become rather… ah… unclear."

"My loyalties remain unchanged," he replied, his voice soft and deep.

"Are you sure, Severus? I have heard that the Snape line will not be ending with you after all?"

Odile's cold eyes fell briefly upon Meg's relatively flat stomach before looking back at Snape.

"No, it would appear it will not be ending with me after all." His tone was impassive, bored even. "I had no intention of continuing the Snape line, but, unfortunately, it would seem that things were taken out of my hands and, now, I am left with no choice."

Odile flicked hateful eyes back to Meg, who was staring at Snape as if he'd hit her.

"Perhaps I have underestimated you," she said softly.

"Perhaps you have," Meg replied coldly, before standing up. She had heard enough; this was her home and she wouldn't stand to be treated this way.

"I will remember not to do that again." Odile said softly.

"You do that. And now, if you please, it is late and since you have seen that Morgana is safe and well, I think you should leave."

Odile raised haughty eyebrows at her and then laughed, but it wasn't kind.

"It does please me. I do not wish to stay here any longer than I have to. However, Severus, next time you decide to take Morgana on an educational visit," her voice was laced with sarcasm, "please let me know first. That old fool got quite a kick out of telling me that my daughter was not at Hogwarts," she snarled.

"My apologies. I had not known you would be visiting her, or I would have indeed informed you." He slightly bowed his head to her.

"We will expect you next Saturday!" Her cold voice rang out even after she had Apparated out of the house.

Meg stepped forward and angrily pulled her wand out.

"I'm setting up a ward so strong that next time she tries to come waltzing in here, she'll rebound herself straight to Hell, where she belongs!"

"She won't be back," Snape said quietly.

"Damn right she won't!" Meg hissed, her wand flicking in anger.

"Megan, I mean it, she won't come back now. She has done what she came to do."

"Oh yes, you're right. She certainly did, didn't she?" she huffed and turned to face him, her hands on her hips, her face flushed with anger.

"Megan, calm down," he spoke softly, but his face and eyes were still impassive.

"Calm down? Calm down?" She began to pace. "How dare you!"

"How dare I?" He looked faintly surprised before his face resumed its usual sneer.

"Yes! How dare you!" She rounded on him hotly, her eyes spitting pure fire. "How dare you insinuate to that… that… woman that I got pregnant deliberately?"

"I did no such thing," he ground out, his voice hard, as anger began to seep into his eyes.

"Of course not: '_Unfortunately, it would seem that things were taken out of my hands and, now, I am left with no choice_.'" She mimicked his soft, blank tone perfectly.

She raised her hand to strike his cheek, but his reflexes were a lot quicker than hers; he caught her wrist in a tight grip and narrowed dark eyes at her.

"You are completely off track, Megan. I was suggesting no such thing with my words." His voice was dangerously soft.

"No?" she sneered at him. "Funny how Odile picked up the same meaning though, isn't it?"

"Of course she doesn't think that," he snapped and let go of her wrist. He looked at her as if she were a silly child.

"Oh really? So in what way exactly, then, has she underestimated me?"

She shook her head, weariness washing over her. She could tell that he wasn't even going to try to understand what she was saying.

"I will not allow Odile to remove Senga from me. I will protect her, Megan!"

Megan stared up at him and blinked away hot tears.

"And I won't stop you. It would be nice to know, though, that you felt as strongly about protecting me."

"What?" He stared at her, complete surprise registered upon his face. Whatever he had expected her to say, it obviously wasn't that.

"You figure it out," she snapped and slammed her way out of the room. She was raised a Kincaid not a Snape and, as such, she'd slam as many doors as she wanted.

She made her way to her parent's room and went in, shutting the door and locking it with a complicated spell. She had no doubt that if he truly wanted to, he'd get in. It just depended on how much he wanted to reach her.

He didn't even try.

Meg spent the entire night sitting on the bed: eight hours was a long time to sit and think about things.

Odile insulted her with every word and action that she made. That didn't hurt; she expected it from someone who was as cold and hateful as she was. What did hurt was Severus's attitude, or lack thereof. If he had realised the meaning of Odile's comments, and she knew he was no fool, then he had deliberately chosen to let them stand. He had chosen to not come to her defence. He had allowed Odile to insult her, and he had made no sign that it bothered him at all. For all intents and purposes, it showed Odile that he didn't really care whether she was hurt or not, and for that, she could almost hate him.

Eventually, somewhere towards dawn she fell asleep, her tears dried on her cheeks, her arms hugging her knees, and her thoughts a complete tangle that no longer made sense. Only one thing stood out in her mind as sure: she felt more alone than she ever had.

* * *

Breakfast the following morning was very quiet. It was obvious that none of them had slept very well. 

Snape refused to make eye contact with Meg and instead chose to frown darkly at the toast in front of him. Senga looked withdrawn and paler than usual. Her brown eyes were large and for once, quite expressive of the fear she felt. Meg looked as if she'd gone ten rounds with a rogue Auror. Her face was pale and her eyes were still slightly swollen and gritty from crying herself to sleep.

It was Senga who finally broke the silence.

"What did my mother want?" her voice was quiet. She fingered the toast on her plate, her eyes on the pot of jam in front of her.

Meg looked at Snape, who merely grunted before standing up to bin his uneaten toast.

"She wished to visit with you at Hogwarts and became concerned when she found that you were not there," he intoned impassively. "I have papers to mark," he informed the room in general and left, closing the door behind him.

Meg let out the sigh she had been subconsciously holding.

"You are angry with each other because of me," Senga murmured quietly.

Meg sighed again and shook her head

"No, not because of you. Don't worry; it's nothing that won't blow over; a storm in a teacup, my mum used to call it."

"I wish…." Senga bit her lip and stood up hastily.

"You wish ?" Meg prompted her gently.

"Nothing. When will we leave?"

"This afternoon…" Meg decided not to push her; she had to make it clear to Senga that she meant her no harm. "I wanted to spend some time going through some stuff up in the attic. My brother and I don't really use the house anymore so we've decided to sell it, but I have a lifetime's worth of junk to sort through. Care to give me a hand?"

"Okay." Senga nodded and took her plate to the sink.

"You're about to see the only part of the house that is enhanced. In fact…" she chewed her lip, she knew that Snape would be very interested in part of the attic, but she wasn't sure how civil to her he'd be if she suggested he come with them.

"What do you mean enhanced?" Senga was curious now as she followed her aunt up the stairs.

"Watch and you'll see," Meg said and, reaching the top of the stairs, she turned to face the airing cupboard.

"Give us a clue," she said loudly and the airing cupboard door changed ever so slightly; it became wider and a little higher.

Meg opened the door and the shelves of towels had been replaced with a winding staircase that led upwards.

"Give us a clue?" came dry voice from behind them. "What kind of password is that?" Sarcasm laced his dry voice.

Meg shivered slightly as she looked back over her shoulder at his dark face.

"When we were children it was a game between us and our parents. They would change the password frequently and we'd have to work it out. Of course we rarely did, and would end up yelling at them to 'give us a clue.' When we outgrew the game, the password became 'give us a clue' and has stayed as that ever since."

She shrugged at the sneer that graced his lips.

"I was fortunate, what can I say?" her voice dripped sarcasm and was directed at Snape, but it was Senga's soft voice that replied.

"Yes, you were." She drifted past her and up the stairs.

Meg followed, casting a spell to light all the candles. Snape brought up the rear, not touching Meg.

"It's….amazing!" Senga blinked as she took in the attic that had been spelled to be three times as large as it should be.

One complete half was taken over by stacks of shelving holding books and journals and other odds and ends pertaining to Potion brewing. Snape went straight over and began to look through the books.

"Knew he'd go there," Meg muttered, smiling at Senga and nodding at the other half.

It was filled with trunks, old toys, boxes of magazines, old catalogues, and all sorts of odds and ends that people collect and hoard away to gather dust.

"Let's start here!" Meg perched herself on an old rocking chair and dragged a trunk towards her.

"There's no dust, is there?" Senga asked as she watched her aunt open the lid.

"Dad cast a spell," she explained and pulled out an old hat that looked as if it had survived two wars, but only just.

"Good grief!" Meg announced and twirled it in her fingers. "This must be Auntie Frini's things."

"Who?" Senga had drawn out a faded photo album and was leafing through it.

"Auntie Frini, one of my mother's aunts actually. But, it was easier to call her Auntie rather than Great Aunt. Lovely old thing, one of those Aunties that you knew was always there, no matter what, y'know?"

Senga frowned; no, she didn't know, but she remained quiet.

"That means Auntie Jennifer's things must be here too! She had this really old… ah, here it is!" Meg dug around in the trunk and drew out a mirror that was almost black with age.

"What's the good of that, you can't see into it." Senga pointed out as she took it from Meg's hand.

"Turn it over." Meg smiled

Senga did and gave a gasp as a smile grew on her face.

"It's lovely."

She stared down at the scene before her. It was a painted scene of a fairy princess and a fairy prince. They stood on a lily in the middle of a silver pond covered with iridescent bubbles. They were being married, and there were other fairies in attendance, and behind them, in the moonlight, stood a fairy castle on a hill. It was a beautiful picture and had been Meg's favourite from the first time she set eyes on it.

"Uncle Charles drew it for Auntie Jennifer on their honeymoon."

"How romantic," breathed Senga as she set the mirror down carefully.

"Keep it," Meg said to her as she rummaged around in the box again.

"Keep it?" Senga was surprised, "really?"

"Yeah, go on! I spent many happy hours daydreaming over that picture or trying to copy it onto paper."

"You daydream?" Senga looked disbelieving.

Meg sat back, a jewellery box in her hand.

"I used to." She smiled wistfully. "Still do a bit; I think most people do."

"I daydream sometimes," Senga said quietly.

"Quite normal." Meg nodded as she drew out a blue chiffon scarf with dark fringing. She wound it around her neck and struck a pose at Senga, who smiled.

"Aren't you going to ask what about?" Senga watched her aunt, her face perfectly blank.

"No." Meg shook her head and set the box to one side to pick up the mirror from the floor. She traced her hand over the fairy prince and smiled softly. "Daydreams are yours and yours alone. Tell someone else and they loose their beauty."

She gave Senga the mirror again and opened the jewellery box; a pearl choker gleamed up at her. She took it out and, putting it on, arching her eyebrows at Senga.

"It's pretty," she said, picking out a pile of albums, all bound in faded maroon silk.

Meg looked up at where Snape was surrounded by piles of books, which he was taking off the shelves to look through. He looked across at her and rose one eyebrow, but his face remained cold and hard. Meg looked away and felt her heart constrict in pain.

"Have a look through those. I just want to see if your uncle wishes to take any of those back with him." Meg took the necklace off before standing up to cross to Snape.

"Found any you wish to bring away with you? I know Jack has no use for them."

Meg twirled the edges of the scarf in her hands, her eyes on the books in his hands. He didn't look up from the book he was looking through.

"One or two maybe. This is a rather second rate collection. I think I have most of these and most of the ones I don't aren't worth having." His voice was arrogant and cold. Meg bristled and narrowed her eyes.

"So, tell me, does insulting people and being mean and nasty run in your veins, or did you and your sister take courses?" she demanded coldly.

He looked down at her and frowned, his eyes so hard she couldn't see anything in them except her own reflection.

"No, we didn't take courses," he sighed and closed the book. "It comes naturally; I would have thought you knew that by now." He looked down at her and lifting one finger drew it gently down her nose.

"I apologise for trying to hit you, but I can not apologise for what I said to you," she said and stood back swiftly, breaking the contact.

"You are a Witch, Megan, you are not a child. Do you really need me to defend you?" He took her left hand in his and traced his finger around the band of gold that lay on her third finger.

"Severus, she said and implied some pretty hateful things."

"And were you never told that words can do no harm?" His voice was soft as he stepped closer to her.

"I was, and it was a lie. Words can do a great deal of damage, but that's not really the point, is it?"

"Then what is?" He didn't blink as he stared down at her, a frown between his eyes.

"You didn't even try to stop her."

"And give away everything?" he demanded, he raised his head and looked across to where his niece was pouring over photographs.

"Come with me," he said quickly and, placing the books back on the shelf, he caught her elbow and indicated towards the stairs.

"Stay here, we will be back shortly," Snape told Senga, whose answering grunt was the only indication she gave of hearing him.

Meg waited till they were standing in her parent's bedroom before opening her mouth to speak.

"I apologise if I made it appear as if you'd tricked me into getting pregnant, that was not my intention," he cut her off before she could even start.

"Then what was?" she demanded and sat on the bed, staring at her feet.

He clicked his tongue in impatience and started to pace in front of her.

"Severus, it hurt me. She stood there and insulted my home, she insulted me, and you didn't even seem to notice, let alone care!"

"So that's the crux, isn't it?" he demanded, stopping to stand in front of her, his hands on his hips.

"What?"

"It's not what she said to you that bothers you so much, it's my reaction to it."

Meg rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"And how many hours did it take for you to work that out?" she asked sarcastically.

He raised one eyebrow at her but refrained from speaking.

"Well, yes, you can give yourself a clap on the back for getting it spot on. Is it too much to ask if you tried to defend me?"

"In this instance, I felt it better to just let the whole thing pass. I was incorrect in my thinking. I had assumed that because I am adult enough to let the jealous spite of another woman pass by that you were too. I was wrong."

"Oh, you are too much," she cried out and stood up. "Don't you try and say I'm being immature."

"Then what is it? You know I love you. You know Odile has a heart made of poison. Why can't you just let it pass and concentrate on Senga."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, I'm sick of all this subterfuge. Just give it up and tell Odile where to get off, tell her that you aren't going to… to… teach Senga whatever it is you Snapes teach."

"And have Senga taken out of Hogwarts so fast her feet won't touch the ground. Do you know what will happen to her then? She'll end up just like her mother and I won't have it!" His anger surfaced again, making his eyes gleam. He didn't raise his voice; he didn't have to.

"Give the girl some credit," Meg shouted at him, jumped up to stand in front of him, her hands gesturing wildly. "You assume, that without your all-knowing expertise, she'll jump straight into dark magic. Which house was she sorted into? I don't recall the Sorting Hat shouting Slytherin, do you, Severus?"

"If you believe that Slytherin is the only house responsible for churning out bad wizards, then you're more of a fool than I took you for," he grated, his cheeks slightly flushed with anger.

"Of course I know it's not! Although, you have to admit to a large percentage coming from there. Your house does, after all, seem to own the rights on going evil." She took a deep breath. "But think, her mother is a Snape, her father, maybe not her blood father, but the one who has the most influence on her is a Malfoy, what are the odds of that? Senga isn't a weak child, you told me that yourself. Give her some credit that she doesn't want to follow the family business. Maybe, just maybe, she's a person Severus, with feelings and thoughts all her own…."

"Stop!" He stepped towards her and caught her shoulders. He glared down at her. "Stop right there! You have no idea what you are talking about. You have no idea what kind of things can happen."

"I know I don't, you won't tell me. You can't possible sully my delicate ears with words that might just be too adult for me," she snapped at him, her anger almost blinding her. "Have you even considered that she doesn't want to become like her mother?"

"Of course I have," he snorted. "But the temptation can be strong, too strong sometimes…"

"For you maybe." Meg knew she was going too far, but a part or her couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. "Maybe she's not as weak as you were." The moment the words left her mouth, Meg regretted them. "Oh Merlin…. I never meant…."

"You've made yourself quite clear." He let go of her shoulders and stepped back, his face becoming a blank mask, his eyes closing down to reveal nothing in their black depths. "Now let me make myself perfectly clear. I will not let Odile take Senga away from Hogwarts. I will do what it takes to make sure she stays here."

"You made that clear already," Meg whispered, all the colour draining from her face. "You'd even sacrifice me, wouldn't you?"

"Don't be so melodramatic," he snapped. "It's not going to come to that and even if it did, which it won't, I wouldn't sacrifice you. I love you, Megan, but you really are blowing this all out of proportion." He sighed and crossed to stand at the window. "We are so different, you and me, like night and day. Coming here, I realised just how different we are."

He faced her, his arms folded. He frowned darkly at where she stood, her eyes still showing her bout of crying from the night before.

"I always knew you were the more emotional of us, but I hadn't realised how emotional till now. I know that you got upset last night and I apologise, but does your pride really come above Senga's safety?"

"Pride?" Meg gaped at him, "You think this is over hurt pride?"

"What is it then?" he asked her softly.

Meg blinked as she searched her tangled thoughts for an honest answer.

"I don't…. it's not my pride, it's just I thought you'd say something to her." Meg shrugged, was she making a mountain out of a molehill? Maybe she was.

"Does it really matter what everyone else thinks when you know the truth?" he prompted her. "You know I love you, don't you?"

She smiled and rubbed her eyes wearily, she felt the bed depress as he sat beside her.

"Yes I know," she sighed, "but last night knowing wasn't enough. You're right, we are different. Up till now it's never really mattered, but last night it did matter. I just wanted to know that my husband loved me enough to defend me." She looked up at him. "You made me feel like a house-elf, not your wife."

He winced at her words, but his eyes had lost some of their hardness.

"I sometimes forget that your body is going through changes. I should have been more careful with you."

"Don't put this down to hormones, Severus. Tell me honestly; do you agree with her? Do you thinkthat I deliberately become pregnant? Were you words last night some sort of Freudian Slip?"

He blinked at her in surprise, his eyes unguarded as he watched her.

"I have never thought that." He shook his head swiftly, his hair flying around his face. "Megan, I know that it's not the case. You slipped up with the potion, but I do not believe it was done deliberately, either consciously or subconsciously."

He frowned and took her hand in his lap, lacing her fingers with his.

"I love you, Megan, more than life, and nothing will ever change that, but I know of only one way of dealing with Odile. I apologise if I upset you last night that was never my intention."

She sighed and tightened her grip on his fingers. It would have to do for now.

"I want to help Senga, I really do," she sighed.

"I know and we will." He moved slightly closer and put his arm around her shoulders.

"We'd best get back to her."

"I'll go back to Senga. You could do with some sleep, I gather you didn't get any last night." He smirked at her.

"And whose fault is that? I thought you might try to come in," she said as he stood up.

"I didn't fancy my chances against another hitting," he replied and bending, gently kissed her mouth.

"By the way" he whispered, "don't think you've gotten away with yesterday." He stood back and went to the door.

"You liked it really, didn't you?" She moved up the bed and curled into a ball facing him.

"No, but then, you knew that before we even got there, didn't you?" He opened the door. "Sleep, Megan, I'll get you up before we eat."

He went out and shut the door quietly behind him.

Meg knew it was going to get harder. They had this infernal dinner party next Saturday to get through. Hopefully, once they got that out of the way, Odile and Lucifer would crawl back under whichever rock it was they came from.

She didn't resent Senga. Not one bit. But, she did resent the fact that Odile was using Senga as a hold over Severus. She also had a feeling that Odile had something else up her sleeve. She couldn't believe that a woman quite as powerful and obviously intelligent as Odile had taken the situation with Severus being married and becoming a father so well. Something was amiss and she was pretty sure they'd find out what it was very soon.

The Sword of Damocles was about to be cut, and it was hanging right over their heads.

* * *

Senga was sitting amidst a pile of photo albums when Snape came back. 

"Your aunt is having a sleep. She gets tired easily at the moment." He crossed towards her and sat on the rocking chair.

"What have you found?" he asked and reached out his hand.

She held up a photo album to him.

"I don't know who they are, but the photos don't move."

"You like that, don't you?" he asked casually as he opened the first page and was greeted by a baby sitting up in a pram grinning into the camera. It was in black and white, so he assumed it was Jack.

"Well, doesn't it freak you out seeing someone who has been dead for the past twenty years waving at you?" she asked quietly, lifting up a picture of two people standing in wedding outfits.

"No, not really; besides, Muggles have their own form of moving photographs."

"Really? What's that?"

"That Television we saw the other night. It was showing pictures of dead people. Aunt Megan told me that three of the actors in the last movie are now dead."

"Wasn't that happening at the time then?"

"No, apparently not. They have a similar devise to our cameras, except they use it to record fictional stories."

"Interesting." Senga crossed to another trunk and began to take out old toys and board games.

"Senga, would you tell me now?" He placed the photo album back down and crossed his legs.

"Tell you what?" asked Senga absently. She had found a toy kaleidoscope and was holding it to her eye and turning the wheel to watch the patterns change.

"How you convinced your mother to take you out of Durmstrang?"

Senga faltered slightly and placed the kaleidoscope back down before picking up an action man dressed in fatigues.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," she whispered quietly, "but I don't see why not: I was going to be expelled if Mother and Father didn't take me out."

"Expelled? What on earth did you do?" Snape didn't keep the disapproval from his voice.

"Is this a girl's toy?" Senga looked at him and held out the action man doll.

"It's a doll, isn't it?" he replied shortly, annoyed at her apparent side-tracking.

"Why would a girl have a doll dressed like this? Did Aunt Meg want to be an Auror?"

"I have no idea, although, I highly doubt it; your aunt has trouble in killing spiders. Now, please, tell me why you were going to be expelled."

"I had a slight disagreement with some of the other kids there."

"A slight disagreement?" He raised one dark eyebrow at her, his face and tone of voice commanding that she tell him more.

"They wanted me to join their Circle, and I really couldn't be bothered. I had had enough of their constant whinging, so I cast a few spells, nothing much."

"Which spells?" Snape had caught on the word 'circle' but he filed it away for later.

"Amorphius." She spoke clearly. Her chin came up, although, she didn't quite meet his eyes. She had the same belligerent tone as before, but this time Snape wasn't going to let that side-track him.

He tapped one long, slender finger against his lips as he thought.

"Amorphius? Which variant?"

Trilingual," she added, "It glued their mouths shut for several hours. So what?" She kept her eyes on the doll in her hands. She had stripped it of all its clothes and was now redressing it without even noticing what she was doing.

"Where did you learn that?" he asked softly, his tone level and neutral as he watched her closely.

She shrugged again and half turned from him to throw the doll back into the trunk, but not before he'd seen a glimpse of pain in her eyes.

"Read it somewhere," she mumbled, the belligerent tone gone.

"And what else? You said a few spells."

She seemed to squirm slightly and gave a shuddering breath before she turned back to him; hunched down on her knees she didn't look thirteen. She looked years younger; although, her eyes looked ancient.

"In Durmstrang, they have a group of girls, thirteen, in every year. They call it the 'Circle,' original huh?" Her eyes shifted restlessly before falling on the mirror. She picked it up and stroked a finger over the prince.

"It's an elite group that most girls would give their eyes and teeth to join. If you get in, there's nothing that really bars you from what you want, anything you want."

"How does one join then?" he asked quietly.

"Two conditions, one, your mother or grandmother has to be a Black Witch. Second you have to complete a series of tasks."

"What sort of tasks?"

"I have no idea, and I had no intention of finding out either." She avoided his eyes as she continued to run her fingers over the painted picture.

"Surely if membership is so picky, after refusing them they would have just left you alone."

"The membership has to be thirteen to work. I was the last girl in my year with the right credentials," her voice was laced with sarcasm. "I was there two weeks, but I knew that I could never stay there. I refused them over and over but they kept trying. You know; trying to sleep each night when they've poured cold water all over your sheets gets hard. Casting magic after hours is prohibited in Durmstrang, no matter what the reason."

"Why did you refuse, Senga? What does the Circle do?" He already had an idea, but he wanted to hear her confirm it.

"Dark magic. You have no idea how much it's believed in over there. The teachers haven't got a clue what's going on. These girls know more about Dark magic than is written."

Snape highly doubted that but kept quiet all the same.

"Don't you believe in it then?"

"You think I should have joined? Because Mother is a Black Witch, you think I should have followed suit?"

"No." He shook his head. "Although, you realise that casting Amorphius isdark magic, don't you?"

"Yes." Her face hardened for a fraction before closing down. "I know. I didn't even plan it; it just kinda came out. Mother told me that I'd been stupid to loose control like that. She said that you would teach me self-control and keep an eye on me too. It was what I had wanted right from the start."

"She still knows nothing about my keeping in touch with you?"

"No, I never told her. Damien found out once, but under pain of death he's not going to tell." She looked up at him, and he saw a sly look quickly pass through her eyes; anyone else would have missed it.

"She believes that you're still a Death Eater." Her voice was low and level.

Snape repressed the urge to wince at those words, but only just.

"How do you know about that?" He kept his voice level and his face completely blank. He didn't think his sister was stupid enough to discuss Voldemort and their connection to him with Senga… but then, how did she know?

"I listened. I listened to her and father talking. They never knew I was listening; it was the only way I could find out things."

"What sort of things?"

"She said that a lot of the family money went on clearing your name, but even though you were free, you weren't truly trusted by the ministry. She didn't want me to come here, but the only other choice was Cloverbrooks in America."

Snape nodded, he knew all about Cloverbrooks. It was as light, airy and warm as Durmstrang was cold, hard and dark. If Hogwarts wasn't favoured, he could well imagine Odile's opinions of Cloverbrooks.

"She told Father that Cloverbrooks was out of the question, and that while Hogwarts was bad enough, at least you would be here."

"I have told her that I will look after you, and I will Senga."

"But you're no longer a Death Eater, are you?"

"No. I am not." He decided to be honest with her. He was aware that she wouldn't be easy to fool, seemed there was more Snape blood in her than he had first given credit.

"I knew you weren't; although, obviously, no one on the surface was in our family." She pulled a face lined with disgust. "Not anymore anyway." She bit her lip and he could see there was more.

"Why do you find it so hard to fit in at Hogwarts?" he asked her slowly, inwardly thinking what a stupid question that really was. He had never fitted in either, and children's attitudes hadn't changed much over the years. If anything, they were perhaps more spiteful, more self assured as to what they could get away with.

"I don't know. People don't trust me I guess. I should have been placed in Slytherin."

"But you weren't."

"No. It would have made things easier though. I did plead with that hat thing, but it wouldn't listen."

Snape arched his eyebrows at her comment.

"It never makes a mistake."

"That's what Mr. Longbottom said," she replied. "He said it didn't look at my name or whose blood I carried, just what was in my head and heart."

Snape sneered at Neville's name; he twisted slightly in his seat, just resisting the urge to say something derogatory about him.

"You've talked to Mr. Longbottom about this?"

"No. Oh no!" She realised what she'd said. "He knows nothing other than that I wanted to be sorted into Slytherin to make life easier."

"I expect you shocked him," he said dryly, the mental image of Neville shrinking back from a child actually wanting to be in Slytherin making him smirk.

"No, he took me to see these plants, Death Heads. He was trying for psychology, I think. I don't think he should try for Professor Lupin's job though." she smirked slyly.

"Death Heads?" Snape was mystified; he knew what the plant was; after all, Longbottom had left a whole row of them in the staff room. He just wasn't sure why he'd shown them to Senga.

"Yeah, these stick things; till you plant and water them. What he was trying to tell me was that it doesn't matter what your name is, it's what you're like underneath that counts."

Snape was momentarily stunned by Neville's effort. He could see how it made perfect sense. Once again, he'd underestimated him.

"He's nice, I like him. He doesn't care that I'm a Malfoy. He says that I can help out in the gardens."

"You like it?" Snape looked at her, hiding his horror at the thought of spending so much time outside.

"Yeah, its fun seeing things grow," she nodded, "and I like being outside."

"Well, you can rest assured that you may have a Snape for a mother, but your love of the outdoors does not come from us," he remarked dryly.

"Don't you like being outdoors?"

"No." He shook his head and refrained from reeling off the reasons, mostly bugs that bite you, bees that sting you, air that makes you dizzy, and sun that burns you.

He lent forward and plucked the mirror from her hand. He wanted to change the subject, having enough to think about for the moment.

"What is this?" He indicated the picture on the back.

"Aunt Meg gave it to me. She said it was her aunt's, her uncle drew it for her on their wedding day."

Snape snorted and handed it back.

"How like your aunt to dwell on things that are intangible."

"She has a lot of things here." Senga looked about with envy.

"She hordes," he replied dryly and stood up to reach for one of the slightly newer albums.

"I like her," Senga replied, beginning to rummage around the toy box again.

The moment for confidences had past and Snape had settled into his usual sneering attitude, while Senga began to explore again.

"She is… unique," he mused and flipped the album open, looking down at pictures of Meg and Jack as children.

He stopped at one photograph of Meg. It was obviously taken just before her first year at Hogwarts. She was standing with her long black robes on, her face happy and smiling, cheeky almost. She wore no badge to distinguish her house, and her tie was still black, having not yet gained her eventual house colours. He wondered if she had expected to be placed into Gryffindor, where Jack was. She had never voiced any disappointment in not being placed there; although, it was so many years ago now, it was possible she had long gotten over it.

He smiled faintly and with a quick flick, the photograph slipped from the album and into his sleeve.

* * *

Snape lay beside Meg in their bed. He couldn't describe how relieved he was to be back in their rooms in the dungeons. He lay looking up at the ceiling, as Meg read a book she had brought back with her. He listened to her breathing and the sounds of the stones settling in their foundations. He could hear the clock ticking on the mantelpiece and the logs crackling in the fire. If he never set foot outside Hogwarts again, he'd be the happiest man alive.

He had almost been happy to see his students filing into his classroom that morning. Almost. Hogwarts would be paradise if there were no children there. But then, no children meant no job. Not that he needed one; he had enough money of his own to retire from teaching, keep Meg and the 'bug' and not worry ever again. He could research potions, write papers; he could be even more happy.

He had given that little thought over the years. Most of the time he'd been in no position to leave Hogwarts. First it had been a way of atoning slightly, then it had been an excellent cover for his spying, and then it had been, well, what it was now. Second nature, he supposed. A rut. A way of life that he had given little thought to changing. His mind went briefly back to the first staff meeting that year. Albus had told him that "he had no one to answer to except himself and his wife." He wouldn't put it past the older wizard to have realised that maybe he wanted to leave, even before he himself realised it. But did he? Okay, so maybe he could spend all his time researching instead of trying to teach idiots how to keep themselves alive, but did he want to leave Hogwarts itself? And now there was Senga to think about.

Senga.

She had given him plenty to think about yesterday morning in the attic and most of his thoughts were not pleasant ones. He sat up, dislodging Meg's book; it fell to the floor as she gave a yelp of surprise.

"Severus! I was just getting to the good bit," she cried out and reached down to retrieve the book.

"Leave it," he commanded, "Megan, I think Senga has had Amorphius cast on her."

Meg looked up at him in surprise and sat up, her book still on the floor.

"Isn't that the body altering spell?" She frowned trying to remember: her knowledge of the Dark Arts was scant to say the least. She knew quite a few potions that had all the hallmarks of the Dark Arts, but not spells; they had never been taught.

"Yes, she cast it on some girls in Durmstrang. That's how she got out of there: they were going to expel her for it."

"So, what makes you think she had it cast on her?"

"Something about her answers. I asked her how she knew of it, being that it's Dark Magic. I expected her to say how her mother had taught her. After all, it's what Odile will have been teaching her. But, she just closed off slightly and said she'd read it somewhere."

"Not much to go on," Meg sighed and leant back against the pillows.

"It was her eyes. She knew pain, Megan."

"Does it hurt then?"

"Yes, although, I have never experienced it myself." He looked down at her. "I want to know who's done that to her."

"Odds on her mother," spat Meg nastily.

"I'm inclined to agree with you."

Meg looked at him and puffed out her breath sadly.

"What can we do?"

"Nothing, yet," he said darkly, "but I won't let her get away with it."

"Severus, why can't we just take Senga away from them? Surely we could keep her here; she could come back to the manor with us during holidays. She need never go back to them again."

He sighed and laid back beside her, moving his arm to let her curl against him, her head on his chest.

"Nice thinking but completely impractical. Legally, she is theirs. If she were removed from them it would mean bringing the Ministry into matters and having concrete proof that she was in danger, hard things to achieve when you're dealing with the sole benefactor of half the Ministry's hospitals."

"You're joking!" she choked.

"Unfortunately not."

"So, really then, we just have to give her the backing she needs here and hope it will be enough to see her through the holidays. Will she go home at Christmas?"

"No. I will keep her here. We will all stay. Perhaps next summer when the 'bug' has arrived we can think of some reason to keep her with us then."

"I'll probably appreciate an extra pair of hands, actually. She'd be quite a help."

He frowned and looked down at the top of her head. He didn't want to start talking about things now; both of them had been through a lot in the last few days, and he wanted her to get some rest. Meg was still extremely tired from not sleeping properly, but he knew that they would soon have to make some sort of decision about what would happen after the 'bug' was born.

He moved his hand into her hair and gripped a handful; he buried his nose in it and sniffed deeply.

"You smell good," he whispered.

"Will you just hold me tonight?" she whispered against his chest.

"I would do anything you ask of me," he replied and held her tightly, his hand still wrapped firmly in her hair.

Nothing was settled; he wasn't naive enough to think it was. He knew that Meg was still smarting from his supposed 'betrayal.' He knew that Odile must have something up her sleeve: he didn't think that she'd have risked upsetting him if she didn't have something to play against him. Something big.

All in all, it was enough to rob him of his sleep.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has given me such lovely reviews! You make my day, you really do.

I'm truly sorry about the cliff-hanger (a thing I dislike myself.) I have no defence so I'll just say I won't do it again, or at least I'll try not to.

Krusty: You're talking to the converted! Up till I fell pregnant I thought KFC and McDonalds was a staple diet! A shame for England eh? I felt so sorry for David Seaman, he did really well. I just hope the British press doesn't slate him, something they are rather notorious for doing!

Polgara: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, and no more cliff-hangers.

Snapefan: I'm a sucker for speed too!!!

RowanRhys: Odile is, unfortunatly going to get a lot worse.

Fluere113: I'm jealous! I'd love to go Disney and the other parks in Florida. sighs I hope you have a great time.

Eyebright: My friend had her belly button done and it cost £28. I'd really like it done, who knows?!!

Mione: I hope you have a great time at Alton Towers. (Any room in your bag for me?)

Grashopper: Thanks. I always get it wrong! I want to go and see Spiderman if mum will babysit.

Mary: I like the "Winnie" comment. Made me grin. Makes an interesting middle name. You're right though, it's getting tough keeping him mean and lean without making him so mean that Meg will do a one eighty and leave him.

Jen: You're not stupid! And Wow! You're Irish. You must be my Irish Fairy. By the way, I hope you liked your 'guest appearance'?

Dahlia: I'd love to visit every amusement park. I love rides that go fast. I'll never be a responsible adult.

The ChicaChic: Thanks for your lovely review.

Myst: Thanks, reviews do help me to keep going.

Rugi and Gwena: I am so sorry. I broke my own cardinal rule and ended with a cliff-hanger! I hate them too. I'm hoping I won't do it again. Especially as Fanficition as been off line and it's taken twice as long to get this up.

Frini: You certainly do smell a spell, but whether it goes wrong? Have to wait and see. How do you like being a great auntie?

Chary: I completely forgot about the message, it was three years ago that I went and my memory is useless. I went about a month before I fell pregnant and having kids takes away a big part of your memory (brain even!)

Thanks to everyone whether you review or not, and I hope you all have a lovely day where ever you are.


	32. Equally

Updated: March 2008.

Disclaimer: As usual. Big, big thanks to Camille for her hard work in beta-ing this.

_And when your fear subsides_

_And shadows still remain_

_I know that you can love me_

_When there's no one left to blame_

_So never mind the darkness_

_We can still find a way_

_Cause nothing lasts forever_

_Even cold November rain._

_November Rain_

Guns 'n' Roses

Megan hadn't put on any weight; however, due to all the chocolate that she was eating, being the only thing that would stay down, neither had she lost any weight.

Her dress was still a little tight around the hips, but another spell loosened it slightly. She also used the spell Hillary had shown her on her hair and then stood in front of the mirror, turning this way and that, checking her reflection.

She turned to where Snape was sitting at the desk, slashing red lines through someone's work.

"Are you already ready?" She looked at the midnight black dinner suit he was wearing, a crisp white shirt underneath with a black cravat style tie around the stand-up collar. He had washed his hair and, instead of being untidy, it had been brushed until it hung limply in a straight sheet around his face.

"Not all of us need five hours to put on one piece of clothing," he drawled dryly, not even looking up from the paper that received a deep red slash and a sneer as it was thrust to one side.

"Utterly useless," he sneered, "Merlin help any of them who actually have to face a vampire."

Meg turned and let the dress swish out around her. She cleared her throat and waited for him to look up.

"You would think that, given the level of intelligence some of these children posses, vampires would have a field day if they ever came here," he muttered.

Meg frowned as he carried on talking, his quill still making huge slashes and cutting remarks on the papers.

"Severus?"

"Hum?" He shook his head and gave a snort. "Listen to this…. 'One way to combat a vampire is to wear a string of garlic around your neck.' Don't these brats ever listen? Wearing garlic will certainly help keep away the vast majority of people who have a sense of smell; however, a vampire would probably thank you for leaving yourself completely alone. Complete dunderheads!" he snarled as his quill slashed across the paper.

"Severus!" Meg put her hands on her hips, her temper rising with his lack of interest.

"What?" He finally looked up and his dark eyes swept over her, but he remained silent.

"Well?" She almost stamped her foot. "Are you going to tell me how I look, or do I have to drag it out of you?"

"Look for yourself. The mirror is behind you, and I would imagine that it's working just fine as you've stood in front of it for the last ten minutes."

Meg gaped at him: she couldn't believe that he was being serious. She blinked several times, but his face still remained completely impassive, his eyes faintly mocking.

"Are you joking?" she finally demanded. "Is that all you're going to say?"

"What else would you have me say?" he asked her, a faint sneer curling his lips.

"Well, a 'wow, you look fantastic dear' would be nice. Or even a 'very becoming on you, darling' would be acceptable," she snapped and turned away from him to cross over to where her shoes lay beside the bed. She turned her back on him and slid her feet into the slightly heeled sandals. She heard a slight snorting behind her and the rustle of paper as he turned another parchment over.

Meg bit her lip hard to prevent the sudden well of tears in her eyes. She should have known better. Severus wouldn't notice if she had put her work robes on. In fact, he wouldn't notice if she hadn't changed at all. Perhaps she should have just worn her old jumper and jeans, fat lot of difference it made to him!

"Well, I'm ready," she said coldly and marched towards the door, clutching the small beaded purse in her hands.

"At last," he sighed and stood up to cross towards her.

He frowned down at her and narrowed his eyes.

"Something is missing," he said and reached down for their cloaks.

"Yes, my brain must be. It's the only reasonable explanation as to why I'm even thinking of going tonight," she said waspishly.

"You mean you had one, for it to go missing?" He sounded faintly surprised.

Meg rounded on him hotly.

"Listen, I'm not up to your snide comments tonight. Less of the sarcasm or you'll be going on your own."

"Quite the tigress tonight, aren't you?" he smirked down at her and reached into the inside of his dinner jacket.

"I've suddenly realised what's missing," he remarked casually and drew out a long, blue velvet coloured box. "This is what is missing." He held it out to her and opened it.

Meg gasped as she saw the necklace that lay in the folds of the red silk interior.

"Severus!" She choked. It was a delicate gold chain with a teardrop shaped emerald pendant. "It's beautiful."

Severus lifted the necklace clear of the box and, putting the box down, reached around Meg's neck to fasten the chain.

"It's so…. I…. Thank you… It's…" Meg was speechless as she felt the cold stone against her skin.

"You are welcome. And while your dress is becoming and the necklace sparkles prettily, you are truly beautiful," he spoke softly, his mouth close to her ear, sending shivers down her back.

"You do it on purpose, don't you? You wind me up deliberately."

He chuckled and caught a strand of hair that she had left free to curl about her face. He twirled it in his fingers and smirked at her.

"But you respond so well that it would be a shame for me not to," he said silkily and moved his finger to trace down her throat. His finger stopped at the low neckline and traced back and forth over her skin. He felt her shudder under his touch.

"Severus, surely they won't miss us if we stayed here?" Meg looked up at him, her hands resting on his chest, her lips curved into a tiny smile.

"They may not miss us, but they would certainly notice that we weren't there," he said, stepping back slightly to place his hands on her waist, his fingers curling into the material of the dress. "But why on earth would you wish to stay here after you spent so long getting ready?"

"Well…" she lowered her eyes to his lips and smirked slightly, "I can think of a hundred ways to keep you occupied here."

"Really?" he laughed quietly, slipping his hands slowly up her sides to rest around her ribcage. He could feel her breathing, her heartbeat, her warmth.

"I would give everything I have to stay here with you, but it's unavoidable, and we have to go now if we are not to be late." He leaned closer and brushed her lips with his. He caught her to him and deepened the kiss hearing her moan into his mouth. His hands splayed possessively across her back, one hand slid low to cup her hip as he pressed her to him.

"Severus… we'll get mussed," she moaned as his lips trailed across her chin and down to the hollow of her throat.

"Mussed?" he lifted his head reluctantly and viewed her flushed face. "That's better… a nicer sort of flush."

"We don't have to stay long, do we?" she asked quietly, more than one reason fuelling her question.

"No." He stood back and caught hold of her hand to raise it to his lips. "I will try to 'defend' you if need be."

Meg sighed and would have melted on the spot if it weren't for his hands guiding her out the door. His words created a warm secure feeling inside her. She was certain that she could face anything Odile threw at her, as long as he was beside her.

"Malfoy Manor" was worse than she had expected. It screamed money, of course, right from the whole line of house-elves that greeted them to the crystal chandeliers hanging from the painted ceilings.

If Meg had been a 'class conscious' person, it would have intimidated her. As it were, she felt extremely relieved that Severus didn't have the same habit of surrounding himself with wealth.

No one could tell the extent of Severus's wealth by looking at him, although Meg knew that financially he must be on a par with Lucius Malfoy. She rather suspected it was another reason why Voldemort had been willing to allow him to "return" to him. Money, after all, can buy you most things.

But Malfoy Manor screamed it to you without being tasteless. It wouldn't have looked out of place in some of the more glossy magazines.

The carpets were obviously pure Persian wool and the furniture must have been Georgian or was it earlier? Severus would know, and she made a mental note to ask him later. Once they were received into the manor, the house-elves melted away only to return when the meal was being served.

Meg couldn't fault Odile or Narcissa for their excellent hostess skills. She found herself sitting and sipping sherry slowly, hardly at all, as she didn't care for it and had sworn off all alcohol when she found out she was pregnant.

Polite and meaningless chit-chat carried them through half an hour till dinner was served.

The dinning room was just as Meg had expected; understated elegance and wealth. Meg sat carefully beside Snape, conscious of not knocking anything over or spilling anything.

The table itself was set for Silver Service, and Meg silently thanked her mother for teaching both her and Jack how to conduct themselves properly at the table. Strict table manners had not been insisted upon in their house, as long as you knew your manners if required, which they had. Meg was eternally grateful that she knew her knives and forks effortlessly, knew which way to lay her cutlery when she was merely pausing in eating or how to lay them if she'd actually finished her meal. She knew to keep her elbows off the table and her napkin on her lap, knew she'd be served from the right and plates would be removed from the left. She made a mental note to make sure her child received the same knowledge.

The centrepiece of the table caught Meg's eye, impressing her no end. It was a beautiful ice carving of a swan, and Meg lost no time in telling them so.

Odile looked at it and arched a fine eyebrow.

"It's perfect," she replied.

Narcissa laughed and clapped her hands as a house-elf appeared in the doorway. It came in and several others followed it, all carrying dishes.

They were all wrapped in a sort of toga type garment. It was a black affair that looked quite smart.

Meg knew that Dobby had originally come from here, and he hadn't been dressed so well. She came to the conclusion that Lucius had changed his mind as to what they should wear. Either that or the knowledge that other's opinions do count had made him change.

Meg watched as dishes were placed in front of them.

"So tell me, brother, what are your plans now?" Lucifer's voice was cheerful and false.

Snape, who had been looking intently at the now dripping swan, looked up at Lucifer with an impassive face.

"My plans?" He arched an eyebrow at him and didn't move when the house-elf placed an empty plate in front of him.

"Yes, now that there is to be a little blighter running around."

"I doubt very much as to whether it will be running for a few years yet. I was under the impression that babies didn't crawl till they were at least six months old," Snape drawled lazily.

Meg moved her hand slightly to allow the house elf better access as it set the plate down.

"Thank you," she murmured to the surprised-elf, who bobbed a rather untidy curtsey.

Odile looked at Narcissa and gave a small laugh.

"How quaint, thanking the staff." Odile set condescending eyes on Meg, who remained impassive behind a blank face.

"Not at all, manners were something my parents insisted on. It must be a Muggle thing," she replied sweetly.

Odile's lips thinned slightly as she dismissed Meg with a wave of her hand.

"Well, let's eat up I'm starved!" boomed Lucifer and once again, Meg was reminded of a country gent in his manor. She could see it now; he'd have a cigar after dinner with several glasses of port while he raved on about the latest filly he'd bought at Market. The man belonged in a Georgette Hayer romance, as the sinister, evil lord that the heroine was rescued from by the dashing beau of London's Ton, of course.

Meg watched as the first course dishes were revealed and bit back a moan. She hadn't looked at the menu card lying beside her plate. Her attention had been taken by the room, but now, as she saw the dishes, she took a quick glance and felt quite ill.

Narcissa, watching her closely, sat forward slightly with feigned concern etched onto her face.

"Not feeling ill, are you my dear?" she asked sweetly.

"No, not at all, thank you," Meg replied and helped herself to the only dish she could eat without fear.

Snape watched as she ladled a thick, green soup into her bowl, barely covering the bottom.

"Asparagus Soup?" he questioned lightly when Odile and Lucifer were talking loudly about the merits of the Oysters on the table.

"I can't eat shellfish," she whispered, and with a slight tap from her foot to his ankle, he began to fill his own plate with the Potted Shrimp.

"Excellent as always," he said silkily to Narcissa, who smiled at him sweetly.

"I try," she replied modestly and gave Meg a sweeping smile.

Meg valiantly tasted three spoonfuls of soup and then rested her spoon on the side, declaring that she didn't want to fill herself up.

Odile looked at Severus and smirked.

"So, dear brother, you still haven't told us what your plans are to be."

"I see no reason to change things from how they are now," he replied and wiped the corner of his mouth with his napkin.

"And how do you feel, Megan? Will you live at Hogwarts? Or will you retire to the manor in Wales?"

Meg blinked and recovered herself very quickly.

"I shall stay with Severus I expect."

"Bring the child up at Hogwarts?" Narcissa looked as if Meg had suggested selling the child to gypsies.

"We haven't decided yet. There are lots of options open to us. Megan was merely stating that she and the baby will remain with me, which is quite correct." Snape's voice was firm.

Odile set her empty Oyster shell down and pouted.

"Not a single pearl, Narcissa, you must complain. Where did you acquire them?"

"Neptune's… and he's usually so reliable." Narcissa twittered away about something or other to Odile as Meg watched in horror as the starters were cleared away and the first course was laid out.

She read the menu card again and repressed a sigh. She had a choice between Calf's Liver and Bacon in a Lemon Sauce or Pigeon Pie, both served with a selection of vegetables. She was beginning to think that Narcissa and Odile had worked this menu out very carefully.

"What will you have, Megan?" asked Odile politely.

"I'd like the pie please. It has been a long time since I have been able to have Pigeon Pie." She kept her voice sounding delighted and was pleased to see both women frown faintly before a house elf appeared to serve her the pie. The selection of vegetables turned out to be baby sweet corn, peas, petite carrots and new potatoes.

Meg was relieved that morning sickness had still deprived her of a healthy appetite or she'd be hungry by now. She ate all the vegetables and then very carefully managed to eat most of the pie's crust, leaving just a section big enough to hide the meat under.

She watched as Severus cut into Calf's livers that were properly cooked. They were still slightly pink in the middle. She looked away quickly and saw Odile watching her with a cruel smirk on her face.

Meg smiled sweetly at her and raised her eyebrows.

"This is truly delicious," she remarked. "It's just such a shame I can't do it justice. I'm afraid the morning sickness has put paid to my appetite."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much dear," Narcissa replied. "It'll return soon. The sickness rarely lasts longer than the 16 weeks; although, I have to admit one of my cousins was sick right through her pregnancy, so much so that she had to be admitted to St. Mungo's and kept on a drip for five months. Such a shame!" She smiled at Odile and then at Meg. "Of course, I don't think you have to worry about that."

"Megan is already beginning to feel better, aren't you?" Snape asked her, his dark eyes noticing the hidden meat straight away.

"Oh quite," she agreed a bit lamely. She was beginning to flag; picking her way through a minefield of a menu and knowing full well that everything was geared to make her truly uncomfortable was starting to tell on her nerves.

"You mustn't worry at all," Odile remarked imperiously. "You've certainly got it to lose, haven't you?"

Meg's fork clanked against her plate at the remark, but she merely smiled at the woman.

"I certainly have," she replied sweetly. Can't really deny the obvious she thought, but it stung all the same.

"Oh, I don't know, I would be rather alarmed if Megan lost much more. I find her figure pleasing," Snape said coolly, he set his knife and fork down although he had hardly touched his food.

"Mind you like they always say, you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire," Lucius added with a laugh which made Lucifer join in loudly.

"Maybe so, but with a figure like Megan's there can be no doubt she is a woman. Slim or even thin woman can look so masculine I find. And one is not 'always poking the fire.'" Snape's cold voice was directed at no one in particular, but it was obvious that it was a slur against Odile, whose own figure was slim, although she was far from masculine looking.

"Yes, you always did go for the larger woman," Lucifer remarked shrewdly, his eyes narrowing on Snape as he obviously was thinking back. "Although you never kept them around, did you?"

"My past is just that Lucifer, past. Please leave it there," Snape's voice was arctic now. He looked relaxed as he sat holding his wineglass, but his lips were pinched into thin hard lines.

"Of course! Of course! No offence meant. I just find it so hard to believe that you, of all people should be married and about to have children."

"Believe it," Snape said quickly.

"You do realise I'm still smarting about you not inviting us to your wedding," Odile pouted.

"I didn't even give it a thought. It was a personal and intimate ceremony between us," he remarked and sat back in his chair, his dark arrogant eyes swept over the other occupants of the table, till he was looking at Meg, who was concentrating on placing her fork, just so, by the plate. He noticed the tiniest shake in her hand and reached out to catch her hand in his. She looked up at him startled, but smiled softly when she saw the love reflected in his eyes.

"Well, we have to go back home soon, but we hope that you will invite us for the naming of your child when it is born." Odile words were more a command than a request.

The house-elves lay out the dessert and, with a silent sigh, Meg chose the Ginger Cream over the Whipped Syllabub, which was swimming in sherry and brandy. Besides, Ginger was supposed to ease sickness.

Snape was relived to see her tucking into her dessert with more relish than with the previous dishes; he even heard one or two little sighs coming from her.

"Have you thought of any names yet?" asked Narcissa, her voice was far friendlier than Odile's.

"Well, we…" Meg shrugged and looked at Snape. "It's early days yet, isn't it?"

"Quite, quite!" boomed Lucifer again. "After all, you've only got a handful to pick from eh? Can't be too hard!"

"I doubt whether we will be staying with tradition," Snape remarked dryly. "I think one Severus Snape is quite enough."

"Oh, but it would be Severus Snape the Second, wouldn't it?" laughed Narcissa. "It has quite a ring to it don't you think?"

"Quite," said Meg, completely unconvinced.

"Humph!" Snape snorted and his lips curled into a cruel sneer. "I think not," he said sharply. "We shall have to see."

"And if it's a girl?" persisted Odile. "We choose Morgana, as you know, after father's mother. But Hortensia is a good solid Snape name."

Meg snorted and choked back a horrified laugh.

"I can just see it now, Horsey Snape. I think not this time," she said dryly.

"I find nothing amusing about the name," Odile said coldly, her hard black eyes chilling Meg to the bone.

"Well, sister, the Snape family has never been known for a sense of humour," Snape drawled sarcastically.

"I wanted to see how Morgana was getting on," Lucifer suddenly asked, changing the subject abruptly.

His demeanour changed completely. The cheerful loudness was replaced with a closed expression and narrowed eyes.

"Morgana isn't settling in very well at all," Odile replied. "We rather hoped you'd be able to sort things out."

"What things Odile?" asked Snape, leaving half of his syllabub. He knew full well what she was driving at, but he was going to play this his way.

"I thought you'd have talked that old man into putting Morgana where she belongs; Slytherin." Odile wiped her mouth delicately with the napkin and placed it on her plate.

"Ravenclaw just won't do," Lucifer said sharply. "Flitwick is no good at all! We brought her to Hogwarts for her to be in your house and under your care, Severus!"

"She is under my care still. She will prosper eventually. She will settle." Snape watched as more house-elves brought in platters of cheese and biscuits.

Meg could smell the cheese and sat up, eyeing the plates. Anger shot through her at the sight of the blue veined and soft cheeses laid out. There wasn't a single Edam or Cheddar to be found. Meg sighed and refused with a reluctant smile.

"I'm full. It has been an experience," she remarked dryly.

"Of course! I keep forgetting your background. It must have been hard for you." Narcissa smiled patronisingly at her.

Odile cast a sharp eye at Meg and stood up suddenly.

"Severus! Would you walk with me on the terrace?"

Snape arched an eyebrow and stood up.

"If you wish. Megan, please excuse me." He moved past her and bending in the act of kissing her cheek he whispered softly, "I won't be long and we will go. Just ignore what they say."

Meg watched them both leave the room and fought a strong desire to get up and run after him.

Instead, she turned to Narcissa and, in her best voice, thanked her for a lovely evening. Her mother would have been proud of her manners.

"You're very welcome here. Both of you are," Narcissa replied and, sighing slightly, she watched as the two men got up and excused themselves into the smoking room.

"I'll be frank with you," Narcissa said suddenly, all attempts at friendliness gone. "I suppose as a person you are nice. But you do realise that being half Muggle is going to cause huge problems for Severus."

"It hasn't up to now," Meg mused softly. She sat forward and, picking up her water glass, began to twirl it in her fingers.

"No, but then nothing like getting pregnant has happened before, has it?"

"I fail to see why being half Muggle is such a hang up for you all."

"It's about bloodlines my dear."

"It's about racism," Meg corrected her sharply. "One type of person is no better than another."

"But you would think that my dear, after all, you are half Muggle and whether you like it or not, the Snape line has always been pure blooded."

"Well, clever me, I just ended hundreds of years of bigotry," Meg said sweetly.

"You've ended more than that as you will soon find out. It's a shame he's fallen for you." She eyed Meg coldly. "Although, I wonder if perhaps he'll realise that himself before it's too late."

"He's had three years, I don't think he's likely to change it now," Meg snapped, her cool slipping briefly before she reigned in her temper and made her face impassive again.

"Maybe not," Narcissa replied and stood up. "Would you like to sit somewhere more comfortable? The house-elves have warmed the drawing room for us."

Meg stood up on shaky legs and followed the older woman from the room, half of her terrified to leave in case Severus would never find her again.

"Of course, I read all about you," Narcissa said as she led Meg into a beautifully decorated room. Two sofas sat facing one another with a huge sheepskin rug in between them.

"Such an unfortunate business," Narcissa continued when Meg made no comment.

"Pardon?"

"That teacher. Dave Reader?"

"Yes, very unfortunate." Meg decided not to correct the name and instead concentrated on a tapestry hanging on one of the walls.

"Did you do this?" she asked, stepping forward to look closely. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you. Yes, I did that one. Do you recognise it?"

"The Lady of Shallot, as she floats down the river to her death," Meg replied, nodding. "You've caught her just as I imagined her."

"Such a tragic end." Narcissa came to stand beside her. "Do you suppose Lancelot would have come to rescue her had he known he caused her to break the spell?"

"Yes," Meg replied without thinking.

"Ah! Such faith in love," Narcissa mocked her gently, "but even love can die."

"Only if one does not keep it alive."

"But how does one do that?"

"You tell me. You and Lucius have been married a long time haven't you? Let me see, Draco would be nineteen, nearly twenty, by now." Meg watched the older woman's face closely and was surprised to see a flicker of pain pass through her eyes before she turned to Meg, her eyes carefully blank again.

"It's our twenty second this year," she replied. "If you like this; then I think you would appreciate this too." She moved across to the other wall and pointed out a picture that was only five inches by five inches, but the detail was exquisite.

"Titania, Queen of the Fairies?" Meg asked peering in admiration. It had been stitched with jewel-like colours; beads surrounded her wings and made it seem as if she was moving.

"Yes," Narcissa nodded her eyes on the fairy.

"I'm surprised," Meg looked at the woman shrewdly, "surprised to find items inspired by Muggle writers."

"Ah, but we are not our husbands, are we?"

Meg blinked, surprised by the woman's words.

"No, we are not." Meg's voice was low and her face perfectly expressionless.

"Sometimes that is just as well." Narcissa turned away from the picture and walked towards the door again.

"Understand this, Megan Snape." She stopped to look back at Meg, "I have nothing except fondness for Severus. I have always realised there was more than met the eye there. But you will be his downfall, and I have a feeling that he will fall willingly for you; I just hope you are worth it."

Meg blinked again and stepped forward quickly as the older woman opened the door.

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded.

"You shall see." Narcissa went out just as Snape came striding down the corridor, his face was cold and hard, his eyes dark and filled with anger.

"Narcissa, we will be leaving now. I apologise for the brevity of our visit, but Megan tires easily at the moment."

"Of course, I expected nothing more. I will have one of the house-elves get your cloaks for you." She smirked at Meg and began to walk back to the main entrance.

Snape fell into step with Meg, who knew better than to question him till they were out of there. Instead, she slid her hand into the crook of his elbow and was relieved to feel his other hand cover hers and hold it firmly in place.

It seemed to be a matter of seconds, and they had said their goodnights to Lucius and Narcissa. Odile and Lucifer were nowhere to be seen, and they were once again on their way back to Hogwarts.

"Well?" Meg waited for as long as her patience would allow her. Her nerves were at screaming point and she just wanted the whole evening over and done with.

"Senga will remain at Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays, and she will stay with us in the summer months." He looked out of the carriage window and clicked his tongue.

"What else?"

"That is all," he replied shortly, and Meg knew he wouldn't say anything more till he was ready.

Hogwarts was in darkness when they arrived back. A very disgruntled Filch let them in and then locked up behind them again. He grunted a good night to them as they went down the dungeon stairs to their rooms.

"Severus?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

"Which doesn't surprise me, considering you didn't actually eat anything," he replied dryly. "Afraid they were going to poison you?" He let them both into their rooms.

"Well, they were," she snapped back and slid out of her cloak and headed into the bedroom.

"They may be many things, Megan, but they wouldn't do something as foolish as that."

"Really? Then what do you call that menu they gave us tonight? Either Oysters or foul soup? Calf's livers or bloody bird!"

"And what's so bad with that? You chose the soup!"

"I can't eat shellfish, or liver or too much alcohol or blue cheese or soft cheese. Oh, they worked that one out very well!"

"What are you talking about? You love soft cheese."

"I know," she cried and realised he truly had no idea. "It's because I'm pregnant. I can't eat soft cheese or blue veined cheese because of the risk of food poisoning; I can't eat shellfish for the same reason. Liver is out completely, even if it wasn't raw like it was tonight… something to do with too much Vitamin A or something…ask Poppy, she's the one that gave me the lists of can and can't eats!" She plopped down into the seat and tore the side hem of her dress.

"Oh, bloody great," she cried out and burst into tears. "What with eating with the Munsters and being told I'm no good for you and knowing that I'll just get fatter and fatter until they'll have to roll me into my classroom." She was crying hysterically now, watched by a very alarmed and slightly horrified Snape.

"You won't get fat," he said, completely at a loss as to how to deal with this Megan. He'd never quite seen her so hysterically out of control. She was plucking sadly at her torn dress.

"Of course I will," she sobbed. "Have you never seen a pregnant woman?"

"Well… I've seen pictures in books," he offered, frowning down at her, trying valiantly to remember that hormones were responsible.

"Oh Merlin!" She flapped the torn dress and stood up, pulling it off completely to shrug into an old jumper that had seen better days and a pair of loose fitting trousers.

"That's just great, isn't it! You have no idea!" she snapped, "I'll end up like… like… oh I don't know, but it won't be pretty!" She stomped through into the other room, using her sleeve to wipe her wet face.

He shuddered and closed his eyes briefly before fishing out his handkerchief.

"I'm half starved to death because I can't eat anything without throwing up! When I do get a chance to eat because I feel okay, I'm given soup which looks like its come straight from the bottom of the lake. Then I get a bird! A bird? Can you imagine eating a bird?" she wailed at him

"You eat chicken," he pointed out reasonably.

"That's different," she cried, slapping her hands on her thighs in exasperation.

"How?" he frowned. "I see no difference!"

"Chickens can't fly," she said slowly as if he were stupid, "and, besides, they're not cute. Pigeons are cute and they coo, and I don't eat them!" She ended on a wail and headed back out of the rooms still snivelling into her sleeve making her way down to the kitchens.

Snape rolled his eyes and muttering about female logic followed her quickly. He fell into step with her aware that she was still rambling.

"I have to make small talk with the Queen of the Damned and now - to top it all off - I tore my new dress, which cost an absolute fortune." She tickled the picture of fruit and stomped into the kitchens.

Dobby appeared immediately, and if he was shocked to see Megan crying and Snape looking totally angry and mystified all at the same time, he didn't show it.

"How can Dobby help?" he asked, bobbing up and down.

"Oh, Dobby," Meg wailed and collapsed onto a stool at the table. "I need food, Dobby. Food that humans can eat and not die from."

"Megan, that is quite enough!" Snape had reached his limit and took control with authority. "Two slices of dry toast and some hot sweet tea, Dobby," he ordered.

"Two cups!" he added, feeling that he may even need something slightly stronger than that if he were to survive the night.

"If you have quite finished having hysterics," he snapped as Dobby bobbed off, "I think we should talk about this calmly."

"You be calm, I'll have hysterics if you don'y mind," she snapped and fell on the plate of toast that appeared almost immediately.

"I do mind, a great deal actually," he informed her and sat down too as Dobby placed the cups in front of them. He had had enough already this evening and he didn't relish the idea of having to calm down an overwrought, hormonal Megan.

He sipped his tea and watched as she demolished the toast and drank half of her tea. He could see her physically relaxing as the toast and tea began to calm her down. She sighed and slid her head down to rest on the table sideways looking up at him.

"I lost it a bit, didn't I?" she asked him, and it was with relief that he heard the note of normality back in her voice.

"Definitely," he replied and, folding his arms on the table, rested forward, his hair obscuring half his face.

"I'm sorry, I guess it was just too much tonight. What did Odile want with you?"

"I'm not so sure I should tell you," he remarked and looked down at her, a frown etched between his eyes.

"I promise not to cry," she sniffed, her eyes swollen and red from crying.

"She merely wished to discuss Senga's staying at Hogwarts. I managed to convince her that it was the best place for her to be. She informed me tonight about what happened at Durmstrang."

"Did she mention the spell?" Meg sat up, wiping the hair from her face. She felt awful, like a washed out rag, and the tea was beginning to make her feel queasy.

"I will not discuss this here in the kitchens," he said sharply and stood up. "If you have finished, perhaps we can go back now? I would like to go to bed sometime this side of midnight."

"Fine." Megan jumped up and followed him out of the kitchens, throwing a quick thank you over her shoulder to Dobby, who had returned to clear away the plates.

Snape didn't say a word until they got back to their rooms.

"Apparently she did read it somewhere and she and Damien would delight in using it on each other at every given opportunity," he said as he began to undress.

"And do you believe it?"

"Yes and no. I doubt that she read it anywhere. The inflection of the vowels in casting it has to be just right… hard to pick up from a book. But I have no doubt that my niece and nephew would cast it on each other."

"Did Odile say whether she had cast it on Senga?" Meg rubbed at her eyes.

Snape looked down at her, his lips curling into a cruel sneer.

"That really is a stupid question, Megan," he drawled dryly.

"Not really," she defended herself hotly she sat up and stared at him. "You said yourself that Odile thinks you're still…. well, not nice… so I thought that she wouldn't think you'd care one way or the other. Seemed logical to me!"

"Flawed logic," he retorted coldly. "Odile wouldn't dare admit to that to anyone. She knows that it could ruin their reputation if she was found to be abusive to a child. Which makes me doubt that it was even Odile or Lucifer in the first place. They may not be pleasant people, but neither are they stupid."

"But you still think it was someone in their house?"

"I am unsure," he sighed and slid his grey night-shirt over his head.

"Perhaps Senga will tell us soon."

"Maybe." Snape turned from where Meg was still standing, fully dressed, her eyes fixed on a spot on the floor, a frown between her eyes.

"What did Narcissa say to you that upset you so much?" He sat on the bed and looked at her.

Meg looked up and moved to sit beside him

"I'm not sure really. She said something about me being your downfall. And that love might not be enough for you to stay with me. You might change your mind. I guess she was referring to the baby," she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Megan, you know I will try," he said quietly. "I would never leave you."

"I know." She nodded her head, musing her hair against his sleeve. "I think she was trying to upset me."

"And it worked, didn't it?" He reached out his hand and stroked her hair gently.

"Yeah, I guess it did."

"Ignore it, Megan, only what we have matters, only what we know."

Meg nodded again and stood up. She looked dreadful. Her face was red and swollen from crying, her hair was sticking up on end and her jumper was falling to pieces around her.

"I'm sorry. I should ignore it. I don't know, perhaps she just touched a nerve."

"I mean it, no matter what happens, no matter how hard this gets. I won't leave you."

"I believe you. I really do. I just can't help feeling…."

"Feeling what?" he prompted softly.

"I don't know. After all, I know how much you dislike children. I know how much you don't want this baby and there really is no going back. It makes me think of that song; 'Cause nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change and it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain,'" she sighed.

"You really have to curb this over dramatic side of yours; after all, it is only a song!" he drawled, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"But it's the meaning behind the words," she said quietly.

"I know what you're saying. I can't speak for you, but my heart will never change; indeed, as you so often remind me, I have no heart to change," he drawled.

"But it's not going to be easy."

"No, it's not, but perhaps we should cross that bridge when we come to it. After all, even the cold November rain won't last forever either."

"Do you know the song then?" she asked doubtfully.

"No. Why?"

"That's how it ends… 'So never mind the darkness, we can still find a way, cause nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.'

"Well there you go then, listen to your own song and you'll know we'll be alright," he replied. "Although, I have to say, I find your obsession with Muggle songs slightly odd."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather be odd and half Muggle than like that lot tonight," she said quietly.

"I would have to agree with you."

He stood and smirked down at her, before leaning down slightly and gently kissing her lips.

"And remember, if your earlier remarks about size are worrying you, you need not. I can assure that you won't need rolling into class," he whispered and, moving his mouth to her ear, added, "you'll have stopped teaching by that time."

"Severus!" she groaned as he chuckled quietly.

"What?" he took her by the shoulders and turned her slightly till she was facing him.

"You know how to make me feel better don't you?" she moaned at him.

"I try," he replied and raised a hand to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. He whispered a few words and the spell still holding most of her hair ended. It tumbled down around her shoulders.

"That's better," he remarked and lowered his hands to the edges of her jumper. He slid it up and over her head, letting it fall to the floor.

"What are you doing?" she asked, a tiny smirk on her lips.

"Well, it's time for bed and you were showing no signs of being able to undress yourself, so I thought I'd do it," he said.

"I can undress myself perfectly well, thank you." She smirked at him.

"Allow me this one pleasure after an evening of unpleasantness," he whispered, his hands sliding down her back and making her shiver.

"Severus?"

"What?"

"I was thinking…" she began slowly.

"Should I take cover now?" He stepped forward and drew her against him, his arms surrounding her completely. His hands drifted lower, making her breath catch in her throat.

"Be serious!" She laughed against his shoulder, her arms going up and around his neck.

"I am," he replied and blew softly against her ear, making her shudder.

"What are we going to call the baby?"

"A lot of names spring to mind, most of which you would probably attempt to hit me for," he muttered as his lips trailed down her throat to the bend of her neck.

"I rather like the name Emily," she murmured. Her eyes closed as her hands twined into his hair.

"Wouldn't sound right if it's a boy though!" he chuckled and stepped back slightly to trail kisses across to the hollow at the base of her throat.

"Well, how about Samuel if it's a boy." She struggled to keep her mind clear as his kisses began to work fire through her veins.

"Samuel Snape? Are you under the influence of strong drugs?"

"Nope, although I have a feeling I'm under your influence," she sighed and melted into him.

"Good," he said darkly and dropped to his knees. He looked up at her and the love in his eyes made her shudder. She placed her hands on his cheeks and titled his face up more.

"I do love you, Severus."

"I know." He didn't blink as his dark eyes roved over her face. "Almost as much as I love you."

"More." She smiled softly.

"Marginally less." A tiny smile softened his lips.

"Marginally more," she whispered.

"Equally," he said firmly and pressed his face into her stomach.

"Equally," she agreed on a sigh.

A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this. I found writing the dinner party very hard.

Thanks for reading this and for all your lovely reviews! I love reading them.

Once again big thanks to Camille for taking time out from her busy life and working on my terrible grammar! (I hope you are feeling better now!)

I should note a few things for anyone who reads this that is not British.

London's Ton was a set of Lords and Marquises in the Regency time period of Britains History.

Silver Service is a way of serving at formal dinners. A friend of mine was trained in Silver Service and I can say with certainty that you won't find their thumbs in the soup!

Erm, anything else? Anything which doesn't make sense just say please, sometimes I forget that some sayings are unique to Britain and are a bit weird in the rest of the world. (Just as well I don't have a cockney character who goes up the apple and pears to see his trouble and strife!) (stairs and wife)

Anyway, I just hope you don't get too confused or disappointed with this chapter, I have to say I had fun writing the exchanges between Snape and Meg though, so I hope you have reading them.

Ffnet has been down for what seems like ages, so I have lost rack of what's going on a bit. But hopefully things will settle down soon.

I have another chapter on the go and hope to post it before I go away. My sister in law has just had a baby boy and I will be going up to see them all. Also it's our sixth wedding anniversary this year and with one thing and another, (Illness, having a baby) it's the first one we've been able to celebrate properly in three years! Yay! So I'm looking forward to a lot of things, but I will post the next chapter as soon as I can and definitely before I go away!

A huge thanks for everyone who reads this.

I hope you all have a nice day wherever you are!


	33. Of Jealous Quidditch Players

* * *

Updated: 2008 March

Usual Disclaimer:

Thanks to Camille for her hard work, I hope you have a great weekend!

_This chapter is dedicated to Frini Santos; my forever friend. _

The 12th of October arrived with cold weather; summer had departed and with it the happy spirits of the students and teachers alike. Lessons had settled down and everyone was back into routine; or settling into a routine in the case of the new first years.

Senga was quiet and kept to herself, but most of her housemates had begun to leave her alone anyway. Most nine-day wonders soon wear off, and Senga Malfoy was no different.

Her parents, Odile and Lucifer, had taken Damien and returned to their home in Germany, much to Meg's relief. At least she would have no more dinner parties to sit through. Life seemed to pass by relatively easily, and Meg was lulled into feeling secure.

Snape wasn't so easy fooled, but he kept his concerns to himself and outwardly looked no different from his usual dark, brooding, silent and cold self. So, it was with a relatively happy heart that Megan awoke with on the 12th.

"Do you require a bath chair today?"

Meg opened her eyes to see Snape standing beside the bed, frowning down at her.

"What?" Meg blinked and rolled over to sit up, staring at him sleepily.

"Well, considering you are now thirty; quite an accomplishment to arrive at such an age unscathed."

"I'll scathe you if you don't leave me be," she grunted.

"And here I was, trying to be nice to you on your birthday," he smirked at her.

"Do me a favour, Severus, and leave being nice to people who actually know how to do it."

"Tut! Tut! Obviously being one year older makes you grumpy." He reached down and pushed her to one side so he could sit down beside her.

"Not being one year older, just you."

"Oh, dear." He reached out and slid his arm around her shoulders. "You will not be wanting this then, will you?" He held a package wrapped in red paper just out of her reach with his other hand.

"Now, I didn't say the receiving of presents makes me grumpy," she said grinning at him. "In fact, the receiving of presents makes me very un-grumpy."

"Un-grumpy?" He lifted an eyebrow at her and shook his head in mock exasperation. "I really shall have to see about obtaining a dictionary to help me understand you more."

"You get a dictionary. I get that nice box thing in your other hand," she suggested and tried to reach for it, but he pinned her arms to her sides with his body and arm.

"Only if you say please!"

"Please." She grinned at him, "What is it? Can I eat it?"

"No, you can't!" He started to draw the box toward her and then pulled it away when he heard her words.

"Okay then, can I wear it?"

"Why don't you open it and see?"

"Erm, because you haven't actually given it to me, yet?" She wiggled and he let her go enough to reach for the box.

She set it on her lap and began to open the wrappings.

"I'm stunned," he drawled sarcastically, "no tearing at the box as if it contained the elixir of life?"

She looked up at him and smiled.

"I already have the elixir. I have you!" She winked at him. "Besides, I'm trying to control myself for you. I know how you hate it when I tear the paper off."

"Do not try to be anything but yourself, Megan. If it pleases you to rip the paper off, go ahead."

She looked up at him under her eyelashes and smiled before reaching up to kiss his cheek. She ripped the last pieces of paper from the box and lifted the lid carefully.

"Oh!" She drew in a breath and held it, unable to speak for several minutes.

"I noticed that you did not have any." He looked sideways are her, a deep frown between his eyes as she continued to stare down at the open box. "If it does not please you, I can always change it."

"No." She looked up at him then, her eyes brimming with tears. "No, please, it's perfect." She stared back down at the picture that was framed in an ornate heavy silver frame.

It was an old picture, taken one hot sunny summer. Jack and Megan were with their parents, arms around each other staring at the camera and laughing, the love for each other quite evident in their closeness. The sun was behind whoever was taking the photograph, and it reflected on them, making it look as if they were standing in a halo of light.

"It was the only photograph in your house that had all of you in it," he spoke softly, his mouth by her ear as he heard her give a tiny sigh.

"It was the summer before Sarah died," she answered, her voice hazy with memories. Her fingertips traced the faces of her parents. "We were staying in a cottage in the South of France for a week; it was probably the best holiday of my life."

"I did not wish for it to be painful for you." He held her tightly. "I was unsure as to why you have no photographs of them."

"Severus." She turned in his arms to face him. "I want you to understand something. Until I met you, my life was very much on hold. If I didn't think about it, then it hadn't happened." She looked back down at her parents. "I found it very hard to think about them, because it enforced that I was alone, enforced what I had lost with no way of ever retrieving. So I didn't think about them. For quite a while after my father died, I tried to convince myself that he wasn't dead, just away somewhere, on holiday, or working on his potions. I didn't face it because I couldn't face it. Then I came here and Dean Rider turned up and you saved me."

"You saved yourself from him," he said quietly.

"Maybe, but you saved me from myself," she replied. "You made me face up to things, except things and move on; you gave me a reason to move on. You made me feel better about myself. I'm not dependent on you for being happy, although you are a major, major part of my happiness. But you did show me that I can be happy with myself. I can't tell you how much this means to me." She lifted the picture up slightly "You gave me so much back, Severus. I'll never be able to truly thank you."

"I don't want your thanks. Your happiness is all I want!" He frowned and pulled her in, tightly crushing her to him, her face buried in his neck.

"I love you," she whispered into the stiff black material of his collar, enveloping herself with his scent and warmth.

* * *

Remus sat down beside Meg and smiled happily as he sipped his cup of tea.

"I'm quite looking forward to next Friday," he said cheerfully.

Snape, who was sitting opposite Meg at the table in the staff room, grunted and rustled the paper in front of him.

"Oh, is that when Harry gets here?" Meg asked, looking up from her book.

"Yes, and I hear that Sirius is coming with him."

Snape snorted and turned the paper over to read the back page.

Meg winked at Remus and closed her book carefully.

"Sirius?" she asked. "Oh that's nice, I haven't seen him for a long time."

"Not long enough," came the dark grunt from behind the paper, which was now raised to hide Snape's face.

Meg pulled a face at Remus as a wicked gleam came into her eye.

"What's not long enough?" asked Sally, as she came bustling over to the table with a cup in her hand.

"No, I was saying it's been a long time since I saw Sirius Black," explained Meg as Sally sat down next to Remus.

"Of course, we have Harry coming next week, don't we? Is Sirius coming as well then?"

"Yes," Remus nodded at her

"Oh, lovely; Hillary will be pleased."

"About what?" asked Meg

"Well Albus asked Hillary if we could have a special game of Quidditch for Halloween, seeing as Harry is back. Teachers verses Students."

The paper rustled alarmingly, but no sound came from Snape.

"Really?" Meg asked excitedly, "Excellent!"

"I don't suppose you'll be able to play, will you?" Remus said, referring to her pregnancy.

"She has never been able to play," pointed out Snape, emerging from the paper to fold it up and slap it down on the table hard.

"I don't fly," she replied. "But I'll be quite happy to watch from the stands!"

"Humph!" Snape snorted again and reached for his tea.

"Will you be playing, Severus?" asked Remus casually.

"You know damn well I am," he snapped and glared at Remus. "Albus left me with no choice!"

"You knew about the match? How come you didn't tell me?" Meg demanded.

"I saw no reason to ruin whatever conversation we were having."

"Rubbish, Severus," Meg snapped. "You're just miffed because you're going to have to play against Harry."

"On the contrary," he snarled sarcastically, "I'm quite looking forward to knocking the little brat of his broomstick!"

"Severus," came the sharp voice of Minerva. "You don't mean it." She plopped herself down beside Remus and regarded Snape much like she would an errant first year.

"Really?" He stood up and stepped away from the table. "If it weren't for the fact that I would have to endure the entire female student body weeping into their sleeves for the rest of the year, I would relish the chance to dislodge the Mighty Potter," he spat and walked away from them and out of the room, his robes swirling out behind him.

"I have no idea why he dislikes Harry so much," Meg sighed as she stared at the now closed door.

"Severus doesn't like anyone," Remus pointed out grinning. "Besides you, that is."

"Hum!" Meg grinned back at him. "So, who's the seeker for our team?"

Remus grinned widely, and Meg saw the gleam in his eyes.

"Severus is," he announced wickedly.

"And Harry is Seeker for the Students?"

"Oh yes." Remus was thoroughly pleased with that announcement.

"I think Poppy may be kept quite busy for this match." Meg grinned back at him. "Who's running the book for this one?"

"I am," Sally said, reaching for Severus' paper and promptly putting it back down when she saw it was Potions Monthly. "Should have known better than to think Severus was reading Witch Weekly," she said with a laugh.

"Read that?" Meg laughed aloud. "I have to keep my copy hidden from sight, unless I want it to keep the fire burning."

"He didn't," snorted Minerva. "What am I saying, of course he did! I have no idea how you put with the man!"

Meg looked at her blankly for a moment before smiling softly.

"Easily."

"Well I have to admit, he does seem to act more human around you than anyone else," Sally chuckled. "Surmising he's human in the first place."

"He's not so bad, a bit cranky sometimes, but then I know I'm cranky too," Meg defended him sharply.

"Dear," Minerva patted the back of her hand. "Severus is a very raw gem. We all know that."

"He is indeed." Sally nodded her head quickly. "Very raw, mind you, but a gem all the same."

"I'm sure he'd be very impressed to hear himself referred to as a stone," said Remus dryly.

"A Diamond, I think, a precious stone but unpolished and uncut," Sally mused.

"Sapphire," Minerva corrected her. "Definitely a Sapphire hard, cold, and with no obvious depth until it's cut and polished."

"Well, I think he's more like an Opal," Meg said quietly. "One of those Fire Opals that no matter which way you turn it you always see something new and the colours are so intense it takes your breath away."

All three of them looked at Meg, the love for Snape reflected quite clearly in her voice.

Sally sighed and looked down at her hands. "Oh to be young and in love again."

"Indeed Sally," Minerva agreed and patted Meg's hand again. "You hold onto those feelings and hold onto Severus; life passes by too quickly sometimes."

"Well now that's maudlin," Remus said cheerfully, seeing Meg's face sadden. "Any ideas on names yet?"

Meg looked at him and shook her head.

"I have mentioned a few, but we don't agree yet."

"How about…" Remus tapped his fingers against his chin and pretended to think a minute, "well, I rather like the name 'Anharad.'" He peeped hopefully at Meg, who raised one eyebrow at him and chuckled.

"Well, I guess you just lost that bet. I hope you didn't put too much on it."

"You know?" asked Sally, sounding disappointed.

"Well, considering the teachers run books on everything here, it was pretty much a sure thing."

"Does Severus know?"

"I'm not certain, but I expect so. So, don't let him see your book, or he'll make sure the baby doesn't get any of the names put down."

"Just don't call it Severus," pleaded Minerva. "I don't want to be looking at a child eleven years from now and having to call it Severus! One was plenty enough!"

"Oh, I don't know," Remus grinned, "just imagine the fun you could have if they were walking down the corridors together! "Severus! Stop picking your nose at once! Thirty points from…" erm; wonder what house it'll go into?"

Meg blinked, she hadn't thought about that.

"Well, it won't be Ravenclaw if it takes after me, that's for sure," she said dryly.

"That's years away yet. Content yourself on the here and now, Remus," Minerva said sharply. "Although, I think we'd better keep it in mind, it would make for some very good odds."

They all laughed just as the door opened, and Snape came back in, looking extremely annoyed.

"Can't we pass a law against children being allowed to roam free around Hogwarts?" he spat as he strode over to the coffee cups and helped himself.

"That boy will be tripping over his own head as it'll be too large for his neck," he muttered to no one in particular.

"What is it?" asked Meg mildly.

"A banner in the Great Hall; 'Harry Potter for Minister of Magic!' I ask you. Insufferable brats! It has been dealt with, which will explain the twenty points that have been removed from your house, Minerva!"

"And how did you know it was Gryffindors that put it there, may I ask?" she demanded sharply.

"Gwendoline Thomas and Katie Sparks were in the process of hanging it," he barked.

Minerva frowned and got up to go and see where the two of them were now. She had no doubt that Snape would have reduced them to tears.

Snape came and sat in the seat Minerva had left. He grunted again and picked up the paper, ignoring everyone else at the table. Meg decided now was not the time to continue baiting him over Harry and got up to go back to her classroom.

"Megan?" Snape looked up as she stood up.

"I have fifth year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs; see you later."

"I'll come down to your classroom when your lesson finishes." He nodded and went back to his paper.

Meg smiled at Remus and Sally, who were shaking their heads in despair at him.

* * *

Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts on the Friday, much to Snape's annoyance.

"So, here we go then," he grumbled as he sat in his chair by the fire.

"Here we go where?" asked Meg, looking up from her pile of marking.

"Potter has arrived," he sneered and sat back, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.

"Harry? Oh good, Senga will be pleased."

"Oh, don't tell me that she's another fan of 'the boy who won't go away?'" he snapped, his eyes flying open.

"Well, she likes Quidditch," pointed out Meg, shoving the marking aside. "I'll do it later. Where is he?"

"You are not rushing out there like some adolescent hormonal teenager!" He sat forward and glared at her. "I'm quite sure that with Albus, Minerva and Longbottom, he'll have quite enough of a fanfare welcome without you adding to his already hugely inflated ego!"

Meg bit back a grin and got up to cross over to perch on his knee.

"Severus, darling, you have absolutely no need to be jealous of him, y'know, especially with me."

"I am not, and have never been, jealous of Potter!" he roared at her.

Meg winced and wiped her face.

"Thank you, but I have no need of a second shower," she said sweetly and shifted her way down his legs till she was firmly on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck.

"Then don't say things designed to annoy me," he grunted, his face dark and sullen as he craned his neck backwards to glare at her.

"If you knew it was by design, then why did you respond?" she asked and grinned at him.

"Do you know how annoying you are?" he inquired sharply.

"Oh, come on, Severus! How bad can it be? Harry isn't that bad, y'know."

"No, I don't know." He shifted her forwards trying to get her off his lap, but she held on tightly and wiggled back again.

"Don't be mean to me, Severus. I like Harry, I liked all of them."

"I have no doubt you like everyone. I am certain that if you met the devil you would like him too," he pointed out quietly, beginning to soften slightly.

"I have met the devil. He's your brother in law, and no I don't like him," she said sharply and got off his lap.

He caught her round the waist before she could get away from him.

"Let me go, Severus! I have a fan club meeting to attend." She smirked as he drew her back down.

"Women!" he grumbled and tightened his grip on her, dragging her back onto his lap. "If I had a knut for every silly female I've caught simpering over one of his pictures, I'd be a rich man by now."

"You are a rich man. Why do you think I married you?" she teased.

"Is that so?" He quirked an eyebrow at her and nudged his hands under her jumper.

"Well, you didn't think there was any other reason, did you?" she asked innocently.

"I had rather thought it was for my body," he said, self mockery evident in his voice.

"Well, that did swing it for me." She nestled into him and nibbled his earlobe.

"So, with my incredibly svelte body and my pots of money, you decided to marry me."

"Yup!" She nodded her head and worked her way down his jaw line. She lifted her head and regarded him seriously. "Of course, there was also the fact that you're exceptionally smart, and I've seen the inner you."

"The inner me?" He frowned doubtfully. "That sounds suspiciously like something Lupin would say in one of his sessions."

"You've been seeing him them?" she asked innocently. "Is this for you compulsive personality disorder, or is it for your inability to smile at anybody under fifty years old."

"I do not require Lupin's services. I am not a hormonal teenager thank goodness."

"Were you ever?" Megan asked seriously. "I mean, did you ever have any crushes on girls? Worry about spots or things like that."

He blinked several times before frowning at her.

"I have never had spots." He lifted a finger and traced the edge of her nose, which was free of the spots that sometimes appeared there. "And I see that since you've been pregnant, you too don't have any."

"I know!" she beamed at him, "but you're changing the subject. Come on, I want to know if there was any grand passion in your life."

"You are my only 'grand passion,'" he said quietly. "I told you before, I was no monk before I met you, but there was no one serious. I had no crushes, no fancies, nothing. I was too busy studying for anything like that." His finger slid down over her lips and chin to rest on the hollow of her throat.

"All work and no play makes Severus a very dull boy," she teased him gently.

"Well you can remedy that, now can't you," he smirked. "I'm not working now."

"No and neither are you going to prevent me from going to see Harry. I know the way you work, Severus," she laughed and tried again to slide from his lap.

"Wouldn't you rather stay here with your husband than see a spotty gangly teenaged bighead?"

Meg blinked at him and pretended to consider it closely.

"No," she said finally.

"Fine." He let her go and she almost fell from his lap. "Go! But don't expect me to be awake when you get back."

Meg stood up and looked down at him, her eyes narrowed at his grumpy face.

"You are jealous," she stated standing up from his lap.

"No, I am not."

"Prove it." She nudged his leg with the toe of her boot.

"I beg your pardon," he grunted.

"Prove it," she replied and placed her hands on her hips. "Prove it by coming with me to meet Harry."

"I have no need to prove myself," he snorted and stood up to tower over her, "but I will come with you, but only to keep you quiet, as I have no doubt if I do not come with you I will never hear the end of it."

"Come on then." She stepped backwards but he caught her swiftly around the waist before she could get any further. He bent her over backwards slightly and moulded her body to his.

"On the understanding that you owe me, Megan Snape."

"I think not!" She gripped his arms.

"Oh yes," he replied slowly, his voice deep as he enunciated every word carefully, "and I choose how repayments are made."

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows at him and licked her lips, "and just what did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking that the Boggarts for my third year classes need rounding up from the fifth floor east wing," he said quietly, a wicked gleam in his black eyes.

"Oh, really," she grumbled. "Well, I guess I'll be meeting Harry by myself then."

"Just as I thought," he replied and swooped forward to claim her lips with his. "Have a nice time."

He set her on her feet and sat back down in his chair picking up his copy of Potions Monthly.

Meg grinned secretly as she crossed to the door.

"Just as I thought; jealous," she said sweetly as she went. She closed the door on his angry shout and, grinning, went in search of Harry.

A/N: Please keep going…… thanks. ;-0


	34. Making friends

Usual Disclaimer: Updated March 2008.

Saturday morning found the teachers at staff meeting in the Staff room to "discuss" the finalities of the Quidditch match that would be held that afternoon.

Snape had tried to commandeer his usual seat by the fire, where he could sit behind his paper and hopefully become deaf and blind for the hour that everyone would choose to twitter and fuss over that idiot Potter, but Filius had beaten him to it and refused to give way to the dangerously dark scowl Snape sent his way.

He had to sit at the table and that made being antisocial a little harder; but not impossible, as he had proven on numerous previous occasions.

Unfortunately Harry chose to sit down at the same time, causing Snape to glare at him.

"Potter! Not content to blight decent society with your antics, now you deign to waste precious school time as well I see," Snape snarled at the tall good-looking boy that the skinny schoolboy had grown into.

"Professor Snape." Harry eyed the ex-potions professor carefully as he moved one seat further up and sat down.

"Harry," Megan came to sit down beside Snape at the table.

"Professor Snape; it's great to see you again." Harry beamed at her.

"Oh please, call me Meg; you're not a student here anymore."

"Thank Merlin," growled Snape darkly.

Meg rolled her eyes at Harry, who smiled softly back at her.

"How do you enjoy professional Quidditch?"

"Very much!" He nodded his head and looked around as more teachers came filing into the staff room.

"Sirius!" Harry spotted his godfather and called out to him.

Snape narrowed his eyes at Sirius and pointedly raised the paper that he always kept in the staff room to avoid having to talk to anyone too much.

"Harry! There you are! Meg, good to see you again." Sirius came over with Remus beside him.

Sirius swooped down on Meg and kissed her cheek noisily. Snape lowered his paper and frowned darkly at him.

"That's my wife," Snape narrowed his eyes. "Stop mauling her." His voice was soft and dangerous.

Meg hid a quick grin; it made her feel peculiar that he could get so jealous over her. Although, she was pretty certain that if Albus kissed her cheek or even Remus for that matter, he wouldn't bat an eyelid, but someone he didn't like just wasn't allowed.

"I hear you've been doing enough mauling as it is," Sirius chortled and eyed Snape with wicked mischief in his eyes.

"Congratulations of course," he added slowly to Meg

"Thank you, Sirius." She smiled, her eyes watching Snape's face closely. He looked over at her and raised one eyebrow in arrogant question before raising the paper back up.

"Although, I have to say, I'm finding it hard seeing Snape here bouncing a baby on his knee," he continued lazily.

"Try harder,"barked Snape from behind his paper.

"I think it's great news." Harry said. "Hermione won't be alone now. She was pleased to hear and sends you her best, by the way."

"That's nice, how is she doing?"

"Great. Sick as a dog or so Ron informs me," he grinned.

"I sympathise." Meg rolled her eyes.

Neville came wandering over with a sandwich in his hands.

"Have you eaten anything yet, Harry? We don't usually get food like this at Staff meetings," he said cheerfully.

"I know," Meg agreed. "You should visit every week, maybe then I'll be feeling well enough to eat something."

"I'll come and have a look. Coming?" Harry looked at Sirius and Remus, who nodded and followed the two boys across to where the food was.

"How long do I have to suffer this visit?" Snape grumbled from behind his paper.

"Just for the weekend. I thought you weren't jealous," she added artlessly, eyeing the table of food with a sad eye. She wasn't doing to well today.

"I am not," he snapped and folded the paper so roughly that it tore down the middle, but he neither noticed or cared.

"So what's with the caveman talk then?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"_That's my wife; stop mauling her_." Meg mimicked his deep voice. "I was half expecting you to get out a club, beat me over the head with it, and drag me back to your cave or dungeons as the case may be."

"What an entertaining thought. Would it shut you up at all?" he snarled softly.

"No," She shook her head innocently at him. "Finding out why you get so damn possessive when people like Sirius say hello to me might help though."

"That was not saying hello. That was invading your space."

"I beg your pardon?" she laughed quietly in surprise. "Invading my space? And since when did you set where the boundaries lie?"

"The day you said you would be my wife," he snapped back.

"I bet you wouldn't get all worked up about Albus giving me a kiss, or Remus or Filius for that matter."

"I doubt Filius could reach," he snorted. "and I don't trust Black!"

"Severus, it was a kiss on the cheek, a friendly peck between friends. Not some hot passionate kiss involving tongues."

"Enough." He narrowed his eyes at her and his voice dropped to a cold whisper. "If I say I do not want that man touching you, you listen to me!"

Meg stared at him and was momentarily taken back by the cold hate reflected in his black eyes.

"You really do hate him, don't you?" she whispered quietly.

"I really do," he replied and stood up. "I will see you later. This meeting has served its purpose."

"What purpose?" Meg frowned at him confusedly.

"Potter's little ego trip," he said, his voice slightly less cold as he looked down at her unsure face. He made to touch her face and hesitated slightly before stroking one finger down her cheek. He turned and left the staff room, his cloak swirling around him.

Meg stared after him, wondering what the devil had just happened.

* * *

"So, have you met Harry yet?" Neville was bending over a row of Mandrake roots lying on his table.

"No." Senga shook her head, her hands busy with cleaning a whole stack of pots.

"I would have thought Professor Snape would have taken you to see him," Neville mused.

"What, Uncle?" Senga looked up at Neville, the sneer on her face a near match to her uncle's.

"No, your aunt," laughed Neville.

"She said something about it, but I don't think Uncle was too pleased, judging by the snort."

"Oh well. You'll see him play, won't you?"

"Well…." Senga shifted uncomfortably, "haven't you seen the lists on the student notice board?"

"Stopped reading it the moment they said I'd failed ninety percent of my exams." He grinned and tied a batch of roots together.

Senga smirked and set another pot down scrubbed cleaner than Neville had ever seen them.

"Well, they've put up a list of players… seems Madam Hooch thinks I'll be a reserve."

"Did you ask then?" Neville was surprised.

"No." Senga's face darkened. "She just put me down."

"And you don't want to play?" suggested Neville quietly.

Senga struggled to answer, and Neville could see the truth all over her face.

"You do, don't you?"

"Yes," she replied quietly, "but it's out of my hands now. Unless, of course, someone can't play; but who would possibly step down unless they were dying?" she replied.

"You're first reserve then?" he asked.

"Yeah!" She sat back and examined her filthy nails.

"Well you never know. You'll meet Harry anyway then, won't you? You'll have to train together!"

"Oh yes," Senga brightened, "we have a training session this afternoon, after Arithmancy."

"Great." Neville tied the last roots together and took some of the pots to clean.

"Is he as nice as everyone says he is?"

"Nicer," replied Neville.

"Will he …." She stopped and bit her lip.

"Will he what?"

"Well, being a Malfoy an all, not exactly the best of friends were they," Senga said, referring to Draco.

"Well," Neville considered his words carefully, "Draco and Harry weren't really friends to begin with, but I think they came to an understanding after they left here. Besides, Harry won't be influenced by your name."

Senga didn't reply, just shrugged and set the last of the pots down.

"I have to go; thanks, Mr Longbottom."

"No, thank you! You have no idea how much I was dreading cleaning those pots," he laughed as he wiped his hands down his trousers.

"Why don't you just use magic?" she asked him curiously.

"Well… for one thing, any residual magic in the pots could affect the next lot of soil to go in them; but anyway, magic isn't a tool to replace everything is it?"

"It's quicker though." She grinned.

"And cleaner," he agreed chuckling. "But how boring life would be if everything were so easy just because we had to wave our wands. Where's the challenge in that? Mind you, I am biased against using magic for everything; because most of the time it doesn't work right anyway," he admitted with a wink.

"How do you managed?" asked Senga curiously.

"Easily; how do you think Muggles manage?" he laughed.

"It must be…." She stopped and frowned, "yes, I suppose it must be easy."

"Muggles can't fly on broomsticks though . And that means they can't get to practise with the Seeker of the England Quidditch team; best get a move on," he chuckled.

"You're right. Bye!" She turned and ran from the greenhouse, her mind in a whirl.

Neville watched her go and shook his head slowly, a sad look on his face.

"Is that really Snape's niece?" a familiar voice broke into his thoughts. Neville turned and his face broke into a big grin.

"Harry!"

Harry stepped forward and sat in the seat Senga had just vacated.

"She seems nice; can't possibly be related to Snape, surely."

"His sister's daughter; and Senga's father is Draco's uncle."

"Small world when you inbreed," Harry laughed and watched Neville plop down heavily.

"Having a nice time catching up on things?"

"Yes." Harry ran a hand down his handsome face. "I think if I didn't come back here occasionally, I'd loose it completely!"

"I don't think Mrs Weasley would allow that," Neville laughed.

"No, she's very good at keeping me down to earth," he replied. "We won against France in a friendly the other week, and when I got back she said 'That's nice dear, well done, now can you go and help Fred with the compost heap?'" Harry grinned and, stretching his hands behind his head, lent back slightly.

"How are they?"

"Okay. Fred and George are still at home despite the Joke Shop doing a great business; those two know which side their bread is buttered on."

"I would have thought they'd be in a hurry to leave!"

"Are you joking? Now that Ron and Ginny have left, not withstanding the odd visit from Bill, Charlie and myself, they're the only two left for her to fuss over," he grinned. "They've had a workshop built at the bottom of the garden and as long as they do all their blowing up down there, she's a happy lady."

Neville chuckled and shook his head happily.

"Are you doing alright here? Standing up to Snape I hear!"

"He's not too bad y'know," Neville said quietly. "But don't you ever tell anyone I said that."

"I won't!" Harry laughed. "I have problems with you saying it, mind. Surely he's not mellowed in his old age?"

"Mellowed?" Neville snorted. "I doubt he could spell it, let alone be it."

"So what gives then?"

"We've come to an unspoken mutual agreement; I have to say that I actually quite like the man, just don't let him know that; and there's no way on earth I could hurt Meg in any way and she loves him."

"Wow, are you smoking the grass round here?" Harry chuckled. "But boy was I shocked to hear that she was pregnant."

"I think they both were."

"Not planned then?" asked Harry with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Hardly; Snape loves and adores children so much he can't wait to start on his own family."

"He's going to have a shock then, isn't he?"

"Just a bit," Neville agreed with a grin.

"I went to see Ron the other day; Hermione is looking great, pregnancy agrees with her."

"There's another one that surprised me; Hermione a mother."

"Why?" asked Harry curiously.

"She always seemed to be the one that would go far."

"Hermione has gone far; and she's not giving it up. She'll go back to work researching shortly after the baby is born."

Neville pulled a face at Harry.

"What?"

"Poor kid! Being brought up by Ron!"

Harry grinned and shook his head.

"Can you imagine what'll it be like?"

"Red headed with its nose stuck in a book. The combination is quite scary!"

Harry laughed and settled back in his chair. He was happy to be back at Hogwarts. Every time he came back it was if he'd never really left. He would never tell Molly Weasley, but Hogwarts had always been his first home and always would be. It held some scary memories, but it also held the best memories of his life. It was here he'd made friends that would last his entire life, here that he'd become the man he was to be. He had the knowledge that no matter where he went in life, he would always have Hogwarts and the people who were closest to him. Knowing there was someone there if he fell to help him back up was enough to make him content and happy.

* * *

Severus fastened the last clasp on his Quidditch robes and snorted.

"Why do I feel as if I'm going to my execution?"

Meg laughed and flicked an imaginary hair from her robes.

"Because you are," she grinned. "Have you any idea how many students won't be giving a damn about the Quaffle only about knocking you off your broomstick?"

"Each year I think Albus can't come up with any more asinine ideas and every year he proves me wrong," he sneered, his eyebrows drawn together in a fearsome scowl.

"I rather think it's a good one actually."

"That's because you won't be the one all the students will be attacking."

"Well, you only have yourself to blame."

He snorted and grabbed his broomstick, glaring at her as she opened the door and went out with him following her.

"If you were nicer to them, they may not all hold a grudge the size of a mountain."

A snort was the only sound from him.

"Good luck sir!" came a cheerful call from a group of Slytherin students as they came out of their common room.

Snape glared at them and grunted before striding off with Meg just keeping up with his long-legged walk.

Meg kept pace with Severus till they arrived at the grounds. He stopped with her at the entrance to the stands.

"You'll be pretty much alone up there; wouldn't you be happier with Hufflepuff?"

"I'll be fine, Sally is going up there later; go on and be careful." She winked at him, a mischievous grin on her face.

He strode away and then stopped to look back at her, a sly look in his eyes.

"Who did you bet on, Megan?"

"Pardon?" She looked at him in wide-eyed innocence.

"Don't try to kid me; who and how much?"

"Oh um… you mean the book that Hillary has running… um well, only a few knuts… nothing really! A mere trifle."

"On who?"

"What?" Meg began to inch up the stairs to the seats above.

"Megan!"

"Okay, I put three galleons on the students to win. Twenty knuts on Harry to knock you off your broomstick and twenty for you to knock him off. I also hedged slightly and put another few galleons on the teachers winning. See I covered all odds, so I wasn't being biased, yes?"

"We will discuss this later," he growled and looking over his shoulder quickly, marched back to her and caught her to him, the broomstick digging into her back.

"We will be discussing this little thing called loyalty to one's husband," he whispered before kissing her so soundly that she had to grip his shoulders to stay on her feet.

"For Merlin's sake, Snape, you're going to play Quidditch not off to battle. Put her down," came the slow lazy drawl of Sirius Black.

Meg felt Snape tense and then reluctantly let her go to stand back. He completely ignored Black and stroked his finger down Meg's flushed face.

"I will see you later," he said quietly and without even glancing in Sirius' direction, he strode off.

"Well, can you see me?" asked a grinning Sirius.

"Perfectly." She smiled at him and together they climbed the stairs that led up into the high stands.

"It seems like years ago since I was last here, talking with you."

"It was," Meg replied dryly and coming into the seating area made herself comfortable on one of the front row seats. There was no one else there yet.

"So who do you think will win then?" she asked him as he sat beside her and leant forward to peer over the edge. The students and teachers were all on the pitch below, lined up opposite each other.

Every other stand was full of students, laughing and shouting as they cheered on the team below them.

"Hillary hand picked the team, didn't she?"

"Yes." Meg nodded.

"In that case, definitely the teachers. She'll have it rigged that all the students will be absolutely useless at Quidditch. It's what I would do anyway!"

"What are you suggesting about Hillary?" came a teasing voice from behind them.

Meg turned in her seat and gave an excited squeal when she saw Jack and Sally come over.

"Jack, what are you doing here?" She moved slightly as he sat down on the other side of her, with Sally beside him.

"Couldn't let Hillary face the enemy alone." He reached over Meg and shook Sirius' hand .

"Oh, sorry! Jack, Sirius. Sirius, Jack, my brother," Meg introduced them.

"We've met," Jack replied and leant over to see Hillary come marching out onto the field, her referee robes on.

"Here we go!" Sally announced happily.

"Where's Filius?" asked Meg, looking around her.

"There!"

Sirius pointed out onto the field, and Meg blinked several times to make sure she was indeed seeing the pint sized professor whizzing around on his broomstick.

"Good grief!" she exclaimed, "they'll slaughter him. One good whack with the Bludger and he'll be sent into next week!"

"Don't you believe it." Sally shook her head. "Filius is probably the finest Chaser ever."

"Huh?" Meg looked back at the diminutive wizard.

"Just you wait and see." Sally remarked smugly.

"Look!" announced Jack suddenly, indicating towards the students, "isn't that Snape's niece."

Meg reached under her seat and drew out the Omnioculars kept under each of the teachers seats.

She focused them and drew her breath in.

"Yes! I thought she was first reserve!"

"She was," Sally once again spoke up, but this time her voice was slightly disapproving.

"So how come…"

"Jennifer Jarvis, the second year Ravenclaw was supposed to be one of the chasers. She must have eaten something bad last night; she's been up all night being sick according to Poppy."

"Let's have a look." Jack took the glasses from Meg and concentrated on the girl as she took up her position, ready for the whistle.

"She's just like him," he announced. "Is she as warm and welcoming as he is?"

"Jack!" Meg nudged him and snatched the glasses back again, "And get your own glasses out if you want a pair!"

Sirius had retrieved his and was watching Snape.

"I really don't think glaring at them will make them loose," he remarked dryly.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Neville came up and plopped down behind Meg. "That glare has been known to freeze seventh years at a hundred paces!"

"You watch though; I've never seen anyone as good on a broomstick as he is," Meg nodded proudly, making Sirius pull a face.

"I know. I remember. He was a natural even back then. Had no problem getting the damn thing to do what he wanted it to. Right from the word go! Lousy git," Sirius muttered darkly as he trained the glasses on the other teachers.

Suddenly, the whistle was blown and Hillary's voice could be heard.

"Right! Seekers… take your positions. On my whistle!"

Meg watched as Snape faced Harry, almost nose to nose, dislike making both of them rigid.

Hillary opened the box and the balls were freed. Both Harry and Snape veered up slightly as they tried to follow the Snitch's progress, but it was soon lost to both of them.

Hillary blew the whistle and what appeared to be mayhem ensued.

Meg could hear the commentary and some of it even registered, but most of the time she kept her gaze glued on Snape.

He flew effortlessly. It seemed as if the broom was part of him and not separate. He flew as if he had wings.

"What the hell did she do that for?" gasped Jack. "Did you see that kid practically hand theQuaffle to Filius?"

"I think she's scared to hurt him," Sirius chuckled, "now I see why he's so good."

"Oh no, you haven't," Sally disagreed.

Meg laughed and for a moment looked to see what Senga was doing.

"Someone ought to explain the aspect of team playing to that girl," Jack announced. "She's lost it twice when she should have passed it."

"She'll get there….oh what a foul! Did you see that?" Sirius almost jumped off his seat. "Snape, that greasy git, just thumped that poor git out of the way."

"That poor git, is Gabriel Durnst, and he's a third year Gryffindor who would relish smashing Severus," Meg responded dryly. "He deliberately tried to knock Severus off!"

"That's the whole idea, Megan," Jack said exasperated. "That's why you have Beaters, to keep the Bludgers off them."

"Damn stupid rule…why don't they take out the Bludgers and Beaters and just have the Quaffle?"

Jack took his eyes away from the game to stare at his sister in disbelief.

"Well, it wouldn't be Quidditch for one thing," Sirius said mildly.

"That has to be the most stupid thing ever to pass your lips, Meg," Jack cried. "Do you even know the rules of Quidditch?"

"Yes!" Meg made a face at him and turned back to watching Snape.

"Women!" Jack muttered

"Not all women!" Sally reminded him quietly, "Hillary…"

"Okay!" Jack allowed with a small grin, "Sisters!" he amended.

Meg did her best Snape Snort and ignored him as she continued to watch Harry and Snape outwit each other in getting to the elusive Snitch.

"You do realise that if Harry catches the Snitch before him, he'll never live it down," Neville announced with glee in his voice.

"You mean you'll never him live it down." Sally chuckled.

"Oh please Harry! COME ON!" shouted Neville so loudly Meg dropped her glasses over the edge.

"Neville!" she cried out. "Now look what you made me do!"

"Sorry, here have mine!" Neville reached forward with his glasses and took the ones under the seat next to him.

"COME ON HARRY!"

Meg glared at her brother as he yelled even louder than Neville had.

"What?" he asked innocently before winking at Sirius over her head.

Sirius bit back a grin and instead leant forward again and roared at the top of his voice, "HARRY GET THE SNITCH!"

Meg groaned as all three of them began shouting at once for Harry to catch the snitch.

"Childish! Completely childish," she announced when they stopped to momentarily draw breath.

"Oh, yes?" Jack drawled, "Just 'cause you can't shout for Snape."

"And why can't I shout for Snape?"

"Um…well does he know you put five galleons on him losing?"

"Um, sort of!" Meg shifted slightly. "Besides, that doesn't mean I can't yell for him, does it!"

She glared at him.

He reached out and twigged her nose.

"Only joking, Sis."

A sudden roar of excitement was heard as quite obviously the Snitch had been caught… by Harry.

"Oh dear!" Meg sat back in her seat and watched as a triumphant Harry and his team of students flew round the stadium in delight.

"Oh dear!" echoed Sally. "You weren't the only one to hedge your bets my dear. I haven't actually made anything out of this game. Oh well, I didn't loose either,"

"I was thinking more along the lines of what Severus is going to be like now," mused Meg.

"Great Merlin!" Sirius shouted. "Look! Harry and Snape just shook hands… I never thought…"

"Are you sure they were shaking hands and it wasn't Snape trying to pry the Snitch from his grasp?" asked a delighted Neville.

"Nope! Definitely shaking hands."

"I have no idea why you seem to think Severus can't be polite when he wants to be," Meg said.

"Erm…cause he can't?" Jack slung his arm around her shoulders. "Cheer up, pet! If the 'great walking thunder cloud' gets too much, just come down to us for the weekend. And besides we still have the feast to look forward to!"

"You're staying then?" she asked gloomily, watching as the students and teachers began to leave the field.

"You bet I am!" Jack said happily. "Wouldn't miss this Halloween for the world! Snape has to sit through the entire feast knowing Harry Potter beat him at Quidditch! Oh joy is mine!"

"Here, here," Sirius responded. "Come on, Meg. We'll see that you're okay."

"I'd better go and make sure Severus is okay," she said and stood to look gloomily down at Jack.

"I'll walk you down, Sis." He got up and grinned at Sirius like a small boy with a bag of sweets. "See you all later!"

* * *

Meg looked warily at Severus, who was laying full length in the bath tub. His eyes were shut and he looked relatively peaceful, but then, so did a sleeping snake.

"Severus?"

She sat on the edge of the bath and peered down into his relaxed face. His eyes opened and the usual frown settled between his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked sitting up quickly, sloshing water everywhere. "Are you unwell?"

"No. No. I'm fine. How are you?" she asked quietly.

"I am well." His frown deepened. "What is it Megan? You are looking at me strangely."

"I just wondered, y'know, what with Harry catching the Snitch and all…"

"Ah!" A small smirk played around his lips as he settled back in the bath and closed his eyes again.

"Severus? Aren't you mad?"

"No."

"Upset?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit bitter and twisted?"

"You mean more than usual?" His smirk deepened, "No."

"But Harry Potter, the boy you've spent the last ten years detesting, beat you to the Snitch."

"Are you implying I'm a bad sportsman?" He didn't open his eyes.

"Well…no… just a bit biased when it comes towards Harry."

"He caught the Snitch before I did, fair and square."

"Okay, now you're worrying me. Who are you and where is my Severus?"

He opened his black eyes and raised his eyebrows at her.

"I am here where I have always been."

"But come on Severus." She poked his bare shoulder with her finger for emphasis. "You hate Harry."

"I dislike him intensely. Hate is a bit strong perhaps. I hated his father and I hate Black, but I do not hate Potter."

"But…."

"Would you rather I was ranting and raving?"

"Well, it would be more in keeping with your normal behaviour."

"Thank you," he said dryly.

"Y'know what I mean. The thought of Harry coming here was enough to give you an aneurysm, him beating you at Quidditch is just…."

"Did you see him catch the Snitch?" he interrupted her.

"Well…er no… I was disagreeing with Jack about something."

"Then you did not see what he had to do to catch the Snitch."

"No." She shook her head and frowned at him.

"He caught the Snitch inches from the ground, from a vertical dive fifty feet up and only just managed to avert rearranging his face. As it is, I believe he has broken his left wrist, which took most of the impact. I may be many things, Megan, but I am not suicidal."

"It was dangerous then?"

"It was foolhardy and only someone with very little to loose would attempt it. I have far too much to loose to attempt anything as ridiculous."

"You do?" Meg reached out and stroked his hair away from his face.

"I do. The thought of ending my life when I have so much time to spend with you still, does not and never will, appeal."

"Oh!" Meg leant forward and kissed his forehead.

He smirked and, gripping the front of her jumper, tugged her sharply until she overbalanced and fell into the water with him. She came up spluttering and gripping his shoulders.

"Severus! I have my clothes on," she cried out in shock.

"So you do. I never intended on you staying in them though," he chuckled and began relieving her of her clothes.

A/N:.

First off I'd like to say that I dedicated this chapter to Frini, because right now she's in a lot of pain with the sad loss of her grandfather.

She has always been very supportive to me with this story and although we live thousands of miles apart and may never meet face to face, she has become a good friend to me. My prayers are with you Frini. xxxxx

I hope everyone likes this one. I have to admit I did have quite a lot of fun with this one, although I know I copped out on the Quidditch Match slightly. I really don't think I'm up to the type of commentary J.K. has in her books ( not even close) Besides I'm not a sports fan lady !?!

Quite a few of you here have mentioned you've been taking finals and exams and whatnot. I really, really hope that everyone has done excellently (I'm sure you all have!) And I just hope that you can all enjoy the holidays ahead of you.

Thanks to everyone who reads this and also to everyone who leaves reviews. You all say such nice things it makes me feel happy.

Calvin and Laura mentioned about my Amorphius spell and I have to admit to becoming very ashamed when Latin books were retrieved from shelves.

My explanation as to how I arrived at that name is rather more obscure.

When I was a child, I used to love watching a programme (the name escapes me it was so long ago!) with Tony Hart, who can draw like a dream! I believe his son in on the Smart Attack programme now. He used to have a small model person called "Morph" who would help/hinder him.

"Morph" was made of a Plasticine type stuff. So his mouth when closed would be smooth as if there was no mouth there. This was the spell Senga used, basically it made their lips stick together ( I think there's film that has something remotely unnerving like it, although it's name too escapes me for the moment!). "A Morph ius" Pretty lame huh? I hope that explains it a bit better and my humble apologies for a very lame thinking process.

Curry Spice (I love Curry!), Odile is pronounced O'deal. And is filched directly from the ballet "Swan Lake". She was the black swan that fools the Prince into thinking he loves her instead of the White Swan Odelle, There's a famous dance from it called "Dance of the dying Swan." And when I was about four and THE next Margot Fountaine, I did a pretty mean dance that my brother dubbed the "Dance of the Dying Duck". Looking back I think he had a point.

Anyway, once again, thanks for staying with me and I hope that you have a wonderful day wherever you are!


	35. Inconvenient

Update: March 2008.

Usual disclaimer and many, many thanks to Camille for all her hard work beta-ing this for me!

_Everyday I fight a war against the mirror_

_I can't take the person starin' back at me_

_I'm a hazard to myself_

_Don't let me get me_

_I'm my own worst enemy_

_Its bad when you annoy yourself_

_So irritating_

_Don't wanna be my friend no more_

_I wanna be somebody else_

_Pink_

_Don't let me get me_

"Well, I think it's all rather odd," came the slightly higher pitched than normal voice of Pandora Olsen.

"Jennifer Jarvis was perfectly all right at tea time!" Alice Craine pointed out just as loudly.

"Exactly; and she didn't have anything different from us."

"Besides," Candice flipped her hair back over her shoulder and pointedly glared at the chair that Senga was curled into. "My brother told me that the food has a charm cast over it to protect from food poisoning."

Senga's lips formed into a hard straight line, but the rest of her face was expressionless.

"It seems to me that perhaps someone deliberately made Jenny sick."

"Why would anyone do that?" Hannah said quietly, her pale brown eyes flitted quickly between where Senga and Pandora.

"Why do you think, Hannah?" asked Pandora sharply. She turned to face the slightly overweight child and put her hands on her hips. "Honestly," she sighed as if she were wasting her time just looking at the girl.

"I don't think…." Hannah sat forward, going red at Pandora's attitude toward her. "I don't think anyone would do that."

"Well, everyone knows Jenny was in the team to play with Harry Potter. All it would need is for someone desperate enough to play…." She trailed off, letting the implication sink in.

Senga shot off her chair and faced Pandora with a cold sneer on her face.

"Just what are you saying?" she hissed, her voice icy cold.

"Well, Morgana," Pandora narrowed her eyes at her. "What do you think I'm saying?"

"Nothing that makes any sense, as usual," Senga replied quietly and laughed nastily at her.

"Look Malfoy, if the cap fits, wear it!"

"Oh, give me a break," Senga laughed and stepped closer to her. "If Jenny ate something bad, it was not of my doing." She grinned maliciously and stepped even closer to Pandora. "Oh no, if I were going to do something like that, I'd do it properly; a rash of highly infectious boils maybe, or something equally infectious that would spread through this hell hole faster than lice! You'd look real pretty with a giant boil stuck on your nose. But then again, your whole face resembles a boil so another boil wouldn't look out of place at all."

"Bitch!"

"I've never claimed otherwise." Senga stepped back from Pandora and waved her hand in front of her nose. "You really ought to consider using the showers a bit more frequently. There's a truly nasty smell in here and it's coming from you!" She strode across to the door and slammed her way out.

"See!" Pandora almost hopped up and down in anger. "See, she had to have done it, have you ever met anyone more nasty than she is?" Her voice was a high pitched squeal.

"Yes, I have," Hannah said clearly and left the common room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"What did she mean by that?" squeaked Pandora.

"Leave her." Alice patted Pandora's shoulder. "We know Senga Malfoy tried to poison Jenny, now all we have to do is get her kicked out for it."

"Tried to poison her? More like tried to kill her," Pandora said sharply. "She could still die, couldn't she?"

"I thought Madam Pomfrey said she was okay," pointed out Candice, a little unsure.

"Well she did; but who knows what could happen? Jenny could be getting worse as we speak! What if she has a set back? What if she goes into shock from the effects of the poisoning?" Pandora said quietly.

"My brother told me once of a man who fell from his horse. He seemed as if he was okay and then two days later he just dropped dead!" Candice exclaimed.

"Well, there you go. Senga Malfoy should never have come here, and she should certainly have never been sorted into Ravenclaw."

"Of course not."

"It just means we have to find a way of making her admit to what she's done. She can't stay here then."

"What about Professor Snape though?" asked Candice, as she suddenly remembered who's niece Senga was.

"What about him?" asked Pandora offhandedly. "If we can prove it, there's nothing he can do. Besides, he doesn't seem to like her any more than he does the rest of us! He doesn't even look at her half the time, just ignores her. Can't care much for her, but mind you, she's a cold bitch! Who could possible love her?" Pandora smiled slyly at Candice. "What can he do if it's proved anyway?"

* * *

Hannah found Senga sitting in the Great Hall pouring over a small book that she had partially hidden under a larger book. 

"Hey, Senga." Hannah sat down opposite her.

Senga slammed the book shut and slid it completely under the larger one.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Hannah shrugged at the hard look that Senga gave her.

Senga narrowed her eyes at the girl and waited.

"I just wanted you to know that not everyone thinks like Pandora does."

"No?" Senga raised one eyebrow and folded her arms over her book.

"No." Hannah shook her head and reached into her pockets and pulled out a bag of sweets. "Want some?"

"No." Senga shifted slightly. "What are they?"

"Mint Surprises. My mother sends me some regularly, she knows I like them." Hannah grinned and her plain face was transformed: dimples appeared in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled; she looked quite pretty.

Senga reached out and, slipping her hand in, took one.

"You don't want to pay any attention to Pandora."

"I don't," Senga said through a mouth full of Mint Surprise.

Hannah popped one of the small round sweets into her mouth and delighted in the way the sweet immediately expanded and then suddenly popped to leave a taste of mint in her mouth.

"What's he like?"

"Who?" Senga's eyes went wide as the mint exploded in her mouth.

"Is that your first one?" grinned Hannah, "and I meant Harry Potter, of course!"

"My first!" Senga said and reached for another. "They're weird! He's okay I suppose!"

"You suppose?" Hannah leant forward. "He's cool!"

"What?" Senga looked mystified at Hannah.

"You really don't have a lot of experience with the Muggle world, do you?"

"I've been to Alton Towers!" Senga said defensively.

"And?" Hannah laughed and reached into her other pocket. "And have you seen this?"

Senga took the paper and opened it out to reveal a girls' magazine.

"_Miss_?" she read the title "What's this?"

"Take it, read it; you'll have fun, but let me have it back as the complete song words for 'Hero' are in there."

"And you all think I'm weird?" sighed Senga as she flicked through the pages.

"You are," Hannah replied, but it wasn't said nastily and she softened her words with her engaging grin.

"Is this a Muggle magazine?"

"Yeah. Look, I've got loads of things to show you; why don't we meet up after classes."

"Where?" Senga's curiosity was up, especially if this girl could show her more of the Muggle world that fascinated her so much.

"Um; how about the fourth floor classrooms. No one goes there."

"It's full of Boggarts, that's why!"

"So? Boggarts don't frighten you, do they?"

"Well, no, what about you?"

"Well, if we don't open any cupboards I don't see a problem. Besides my dad taught me how to deal with Boggarts last year."

"He did?" Senga was surprised as she knew it was a subject that wasn't taught until their third year.

"Yeah, we had a problem with them in the house we moved into last year."

"What did you see?"

Hannah blanched and shrugged her shoulders.

"Don't laugh," she said sharply.

"Okay," agreed Senga.

"It's stupid really, I know, but I can't help it. When I was little, my cousin put a jar of worms down my back; I've been terrified of them ever since."

"That's not silly, that's a horrid thing…." Senga stopped when she realised she had done the exact same thing to Damien two summers ago.

"Horrid thing to do, I know," Hannah laughed. "My uncle didn't half tan his backside for him. It was worth it just to see my uncle chasing my cousin around the garden trying to catch him."

"So, you see worms then?" asked Senga in an effort to change the subject.

"Yeah, giant worms. What do you see?"

"Erm… Spiders." Senga had no intentions of revealing that Boggarts took the form of her mother.

"Oh gross! I hate them too! So, do you wanna try it then?"

"Try what?" asked Senga vaguely, she was still wondering what she was feeling regarding the worms.

"The fourth floor!" Hannah shook her head. "I have an 'MP3' that my brother charmed to play and other things."

Senga frowned at her and then grinned suddenly before her face went impassive again.

"Yeah, okay."

"Great!" Hannah jumped up.

"Hannah." Senga stood up slowly and leant forward slightly. "Why do you want to show me?"

"Why not?" Hannah looked confused for a moment and then her face cleared, "I like you. You're strange but you stick up to that lot." She winked and left the table, leaving Senga staring after her, unsure what to make of her.

"Making friends?" came a deep, slow voice from behind her.

Senga jumped sending her books flying to the floor.

A tall, dark figure stood back slightly and then bent over to help her pick up the books.

"Professor Snape, I didn't hear you!"

"Apparently," he said smoothly and placed the books back on the table. His eyes fell on the small black, leather bound book that Senga had been reading earlier. He reached forward to pick it up.

"Oh!" Senga dived for it and practically snatched it from under his finger tips. "That's nothing much."

"Then you won't mind me taking a look." He held out his hand and raised one black eyebrow at her.

Senga could do nothing except hand over the small book.

Snape glanced down at the cover and raised both eyebrows in mock surprise.

"Ah, since when has One Hundred and One Ways to Charm your Bedroom interested you?"

"It… er… mother sent it to me for my birthday," Senga said, unable to meet Snape's cold, hard black eyes.

"Really? Now you do surprise me. I rather think your Aunt Megan would find this interesting." He put the small book into the deep pockets of his robe and folded his arms across his body, holding his elbows as he looked down at her.

"I'm glad to see you are making friends with someone of your own age," he said quietly, his face and tone of voice revealing; neither his emotions or thoughts.

"Hannah is… nice," Senga said equally quietly and waited for the hint that while Hannah may be nice she was most definitely of mixed blood and therefore not a good friend.

"Nice?" Snape tried hard to keep the natural sneer from his face as he tried to converse with his niece.

"Um…well… pleasant, I suppose."

"Yes, quite," Snape floundered slightly and did what he was best at: freezing himself off. "Don't be late to class, Miss Malfoy!"

"No sir." Senga jammed her books back into her bag and left the hall at top speed.

Snape frowned darkly after her before turning and leaving by the teachers' door.

* * *

Meg eyed the tables of food with glee. She wasn't feeling even a little bit queasy, and the tables were overloaded with all the goodies that came with Halloween. 

"Don't eat everything in sight," warned Snape softly beside her. "I have no wish to spend the rest of the night listening to you throwing up!"

"Well, cast a silencing spell on your ears, because I don't feel sick and I have soooo much to make up for," she whispered just stopping herself from rubbing her hands together.

Snape looked at her and raised his eyebrows slightly.

"The first time I saw you eat, you ate enough to feed a family of six for a fortnight," he said slyly. "It's relieving to know nothing has changed."

Meg grinned up at him and winked before looking back at the many dishes spread out before them.

"Is there any chance we can't just cut to the chase," she whispered as Albus stood up and a hush fell over the hall. "No one will notice if I help myself while Albus rambles," she hissed.

Snape snorted softly and, sliding his hands under the table, caught her hands in his, holding them tightly.

"Not even one finger roll?" she pleaded and was extremely embarrassed when at that moment Albus paused in speaking and the entire staff table and the front sections of all four house tables heard her quite clearly.

A ripple of laughter went through the staff table as Meg mouthed "sorry" to Albus.

"It seems food is far more important, quite right too," Albus said clearly, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "So with no further ado, enjoy yourselves!"

Snape's hands let go of hers and she sheepishly reached for a finger roll.

Harry and Neville were sitting next to Filius with Sirius beside them, much to Snape's annoyance.

"Starving your wife, Snape?" Sirius needled quietly. "In the misery of loosing to Harry this morning you must have forgotten to feed Meg."

"You may require help in feeding yourself, but Megan is perfectly capable of feeding herself. You are, after all, the only dog around here." The insult was clearly heard in Snape's tone of voice.

"Is that so?" Sirius grinned at Meg and lifted his wine goblet to Snape, "I still know that the better man won."

Neville frowned slightly and looked at Harry briefly before helping himself to a plate of Lemon Sole.

"Well, I think everyone played very well," Meg said hastily, spearing a chicken leg with her fork. She licked her lips as she set it down on her plate.

"Well, almost everyone," commented Sirius carefully. "Your niece isn't what you would call a 'team player' is she? Runs in the family, does it?"

"I think she has potential," Harry said suddenly. "Does she play on the team here? She was very good in training; although, I think she's best suited as a seeker."

"Senga is not on the team," Neville said quietly, picking at the Sole on his plate.

"Not surprised at all, poor girl has Snape as her uncle and Malfoy as her father, can you wonder at her problems," Sirius remarked casually.

"Senga is still young and my niece, please refrain from passing comment on something you know nothing about," Snape said coldly, his eyes flickered briefly to where his niece was sitting. She sat next to Hannah and seemed to be listening to whatever the girl was saying to her.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and chuckled slightly.

"Oh, but I do know, I remember you at that age," he said slyly, "you weren't exactly 'Mr Involved' either."

"With people such as yourself around me, can you wonder at it?" Snape replied and setting his knife and fork down, he scraped his chair back and stood up.

"Please excuse me, Megan, the air in here is decidedly foul. Please don't hurry on my account." He rested his hand briefly on her shoulder before turning and leaving the hall.

"Oh well done!" Megan said hotly to Siriusand quickly began to unroll her napkin.

"What?" asked Sirius innocently, he turned to Harry who was shrugging at Neville. "What did I do?"

"Enough, I'd say," Neville said quietly. "It's one thing to tease, but it's another to attack his family."

"His family are a bunch of Snakes, well, blood family anyway." He shrugged at Meg.

"His family may have its bad parts, but Senga isn't like the rest of them. She's very much on a limb by herself."

"Badly done, Sirius! Badly done," Meg whispered and, gathering her now bulging napkin, left the table to follow Snape.

She found him in their rooms, sitting by the fire, his legs crossed and a small book on his lap. He was tapping it with his wand and generally cursing it.

"Severus?" Meg sat opposite him and dragged a small table between them. She laid the napkin out and opened it to reveal several items of food.

"I see you have brought the table with you?"

"No, just the food." She grinned and was pleased to see him snag a chicken leg with his free hand.

"What've you got there?" she asked, kicking off her boots and settling into the chair with her chicken leg.

"The book Odile gave Senga; it's heavily protected, of course," he murmured and between mouthfuls tried another spell to open it.

Meg craned her neck and read the title aloud.

"What's inside?"

"Exactly what the title says," he said absently. "Or so one is led to believe."

"So, maybe, it just is that."

He looked up at her and sneered, not bothering to reply.

Meg shrugged and took a sausage roll and happily began munching.

"If I could just work out how Senga knew how to open the book. I doubt greatly if Odile would send the instructions with the book itself."

"Maybe she already knew," Meg said and sighed as she licked pastry from her fingers.

"Apparently."

"Maybe it's something simple, er, like her birthday or something."

"Pardon?" He looked up at her as if she'd just turned purple.

"Well, dad used to keep a box with his more precious things in it. He charmed it to only open to a certain set of numbers. His birth date and then the year he married my mother."

Snape blinked and then frowned.

"A number charm; interesting." He thought for a moment and tried Senga's birthday but nothing happened.

"Oh, well, how about her mother's wedding day?"

Snape tried it again and cursed fluently when still nothing happened.

"I know it is hiding something, and I'm certain what it is, but I have to see to help her."

"What do you think it is?" asked Meg, the sausage roll stopped halfway to her lips as she stared down at the innocuous looking book.

"I believe it is Odile's book."

"Huh?"

"Black Witches, as most witches do, keep a 'Book of Shadows', where they keep the spells and charms they learn over time.

"Oh." Meg blinked as she realised the full potential of the situation.

"So you think Odile is passing on her 'Knowledge' in the hopes of Senga following in her footsteps, so to speak."

"Correct; but there is no hope in Odile's mind; she expects Senga to follow her."

"But if Senga doesn't want to be one, it won't hurt, will it?" Meg watched as he sat back and rubbed his eyes.

"You have no idea how seductive Black Magic really is do you?"

"Pardon?"

"What's the worst thing you've ever done, and I don't want to hear the mention of Sarah or Spiders."

"The worst thing?" Meg frowned and then coloured up slightly.

"Go on; your secret is safe with me," he said dryly.

"I stole some sweets from our local shop when I was about eight; I felt so guilty after that I went the following day and left the money on the counter when Mrs Price, she was the shopkeeper, when she wasn't looking."

Snape rubbed his hand over his face again. "I'm asking the wrong person here. Black Magic wields its own power; a power which is much stronger than the person casting."

"I know."

"No, you don't know. You don't know because you have only read about it in books or heard about it in classrooms. You haven't experienced the feel of it; the feeling of power that runs through your veins, the knowledge that you can be so much more than yourself. It can make everything else seem so much paler in comparison. Why do you think so many witches and wizards fell under Voldemort's spell? The offer of power is a sweet one, Megan, and addictive. Senga is just a child, with the promise of being a very strong witch. She already knows far more than any child that age should. If this is Odile's book, it _will_ charm her. It _will_ draw her in; until all she wants is what this book offers her."

"She shows no signs…."

"She's just turned fourteen. You should know the changes that she is undergoing in her body and mind. Her hormones will be adjusting and developing. She's at a critical age. I have to get this book open."

"Let me try." Meg reached out and took the book from him.

She laid her wand on the book and thought for a moment.

"Open to me."

She frowned and tried again.

"Show me your secrets." She tapped the wand on the book, but still nothing happened.

Meg turned the book over and over and thought hard before setting it back on her lap. Setting her wand aside, she laid her hand on it again.

"I seek to see what you show. I seek to learn what you know."

She said it quietly and watched as the book shimmered under her touch and the wording rearranged itself on the cover.

"You've done it!" Snape stared at it and then up at her. "How did you know what to say?"

"Guess?" Meg shifted slightly and shrugged. "Okay, but don't get annoyed at me."

"What?" Snape's eyebrows drew together in a dark frown.

"When you told me Odile was a Black Witch, I read as many books as I could get my hands on about it all. I thought if I needed to be able to defend us both, I'd need to know what I was dealing with."

"Defend us both?" Snape's frown deepened. "What do you mean?"

Meg looked at him and handed back the opened book.

"You're my family, Severus. I will do anything to protect my family."

"You think I'd go back to how I was?" He held the book in his fingers and watched her with black eyes.

"No. That's not what I meant; although, I knew you'd get the wrong end of the stick, and that was one of the reasons why I didn't say anything to you."

"You still don't trust me." He stood up and slipped the book into his pocket as he stared down at her, his face impassive but his eyes burning brightly with anger and something else she couldn't define.

"Of course, I trust you. It's her I don't trust!" Meg jumped up and spread her hands wide in appeal to him. "I know you won't do that, that's not what I meant."

"But you don't trust me enough to defend you? Is this because of what happened in your house?"

"Severus! This has nothing to do with trust. I wanted to know what we were going to be up against here. I've known about Senga for a long time; I've known that you write to each other; you've had plenty of chances to tell me about both Odile and her family but you've told me nothing at all. I was allowed to know she was a Black Witch because it became apparent I'd find out anyway." She tried to speak calmly but her voice trembled all the same.

"I need to look at this book closely." He moved away to the door.

"You used to get annoyed at me when I ran away from things and now you're doing it," Meg cried out angrily.

"Now you know how it feels," he replied and went out shutting the door behind him.

"Right." Meg jumped up and, quite forgetting she had taken her boots off, hurried after him.

"Severus!" She caught up with him as he was going into his study.

"C'mon, Severus, let's not fight." She closed the door behind her and shivered as the cold floor seeped through her thick socks.

"I wasn't aware we were," he remarked casually and sat behind his desk, laying the book in front of him.

"Severus, please." She felt for her wand to light the fire in the grate and remembered with a groan that she'd left that behind too.

"Why didn't you ask me?" he said softly.

"Ask you what? I can't believe you mean I need your permission to read books now," she grated, sitting on the hard backed chair opposite him and raising her feet off the stone floor.

He snorted in derision and jumped slightly when he felt her feet slide up his legs and rest on the inside of his thighs.

"What are you doing?" he asked, unable to stop himself from moving back slightly.

"Trying to avoid frostbite," she grumbled, "I forgot my boots and my wand!"

He snorted again, and, with a flick of his wand, the grate was filled with a raging fire.

"You don't need my permission to do anything; you should know that by now. But you could have asked me about Odile."

"I wanted to know about what Black Witches are capable of and just how much of a hold she would have over you," Meg admitted.

Snape slid his hands over her feet and rubbed them to warm them up.

"She has no hold over me," he said firmly.

"Yes, she does; she has Senga," Meg replied quietly. "I had to find out for myself what I could. If it comes down to it, Severus, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to protect you."

Snape closed his eyes, his rubbing her feet turned to soft caresses.

"Odile wouldn't dare to attack me through Senga; she knows that I wouldn't hesitate to kill her."

Meg shivered as his words chilled her to the bone, even though she knew she had just admitted the same thing.

Snape sighed and ran his fingers down the book before opening the first page.

"Odile is a strong witch, but I am stronger."

"Are you sure?" asked Meg quietly

"Yes," he replied and nodded, his black eyes looked down at the page as he began to read Odile's words.

"Thank Merlin we're batting for the same side," she murmured quietly, believing he was indeed stronger.

He looked up and caught her gaze with his. His eyes were intense as he held hers.

"I will always be batting on your side."

* * *

Hannah bit her lip and waited to see Senga's expression. 

"By all the powers that be!" Senga's eyes went wide as the small box that sat between them on the floor emitted a catchy dance tune.

"Paul, that's my brother, is a whiz at doing this. He used to make lots of money when he was here!"

"What is this music? I've never heard it before."

"It's a girl called Pink, the song is her latest 'Don't let me get me!'"

Senga listened closely to the words and shivered.

_Everyday I fight a war against the mirror _

_I can't take the person starin' back at me _

_I'm a hazard to myself _

_Don't let me get me _

_I'm my own worst enemy _

_Its bad when you annoy yourself _

_So irritating _

_Don't wanna be my friend no more _

_I wanna be somebody else _

This girl seemed to be singing exactly how Senga felt herself. She closed her eyes and let the music and words wash over.

Senga opened her eyes at the song finished and looked up at where Hannah was sitting, watching her.

"She's good, isn't she?"

"Oh yes," Senga nodded, "what else do you have?"

"Ever seen these?" Hannah opened a bag and drew out a small box with several bottles inside.

"What are they?" asked Senga curiously.

"Nail Varnish." Hannah smiled. "We're not allowed to wear it on our fingers, but no one will see out toenails. Want a go?"

"Yeah, my mother uses magic to colour her nails she says polish is too Muggle for her, but I've always wanted to have a go."

Senga drew out a bottle of black polish and grinning, slid her boots and socks off.

"Have you got your belly button pierced?" Senga asked, remembering the girl they'd seen at Alton Towers.

"No," sighed Hannah, "I'm not allowed. My mum says I have to wait till I'm sixteen. It looks painful."

"Probably, I like it."

"So do I," Hannah said and began to paint her toes with Shocking Pink. She looked across at Senga's black polish and frowned.

"Don't you want to use something more brighter?"

"I like Black," Senga shrugged as she painted her big toes, smudging it slightly around the edges. "It smells."

"It won't when it's dry." Hannah looked back at her. "What's it like? Being a Malfoy?"

Senga stiffened slightly and concentrated on the bottle in her hands.

"What do you mean?"

"Is it true that your parent still hold Dark Revels and sacrifice children," Hannah's voice had dropped slightly, her eyes wide.

"Who told you that?" asked Senga, her face completely blank.

"Just heard a few girls talking," she said.

"What do you think?" asked Senga. She stuck her toes out in front of her and waggled them, liking the gleam of the black.

"No, I don't think they do."

"No, they don't," Senga said, "not anymore anyway," she added and looked at Hannah sideways.

"What?" Hannah gaped at her until she suddenly spotted the humour in Senga's face.

"That wasn't nice, Senga Malfoy!" She nudged Senga and pouted at her.

"Served you right for asking a dumb question," Senga shrugged and then smiled at her.

"Here's the real question though, what's it like having Snape for your uncle?"

Senga closed the lid of the bottle and put it back in the bag.

"I don't really know. Weird I guess. He doesn't feel like an uncle, or at least not what I thought an uncle would be like."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't seem to notice me much." Senga kept her face straight and no emotion showed in her eyes, but her heart constricted painfully. She had hoped beyond hope that Snape would be the uncle she craved. The one person that she knew she could rely on. But she should have known better. A Snape was a Snape after all.

She picked up the magazine and flipped through it.

"That's what I want to do when I leave school," Hannah said and pointed out a woman making up another girls face. "I want to be a beautician. What do you want to do?"

Senga frowned, what she would do when she left school was something she had given little thought to. It seemed years away, and she knew that her mother expected her to become like her; which would mean heading her own coven, marry into a full blooded wizarding family, produce a few heirs, and then spend the rest of her days in coven duties and spending her husband's money.

It held no appeal.

Even after reading in her mother's book what kind of power she could gain if she were to follow the Dark Arts, it still held no appeal. She had no desires to head anything, let alone her own coven.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," she admitted finally.

"Well, I saw you fly yesterday. You're a whiz on that broomstick. Maybe you could become a Professional Quidditch Player like Harry Potter," Hannah said.

"I want…" Senga stopped, "I don't want to do that," she said, "I like flying, but not that much."

"What do you like doing then?"

"I don't know," admitted Senga and gingerly touched her toes.

"It's fast acting; it should be dry enough to put your boots back on. Will you come here with me again?" asked Hannah suddenly, her usual cheery manner had disappeared as she looked at Senga intently.

"Yes." Senga nodded and realised that perhaps she wasn't the only one that didn't fit properly. "I'd like that."

Hannah turned the volume of her player up and, once again, Senga was lost in the music.

A longing filled her; she longed to be just like everyone else; to fit in a crowd, to be herself and be happy with that.

She looked back down at the magazine and saw the pictures of girls laughing and splashing in the sea. She wanted that. She wanted freedom from her "responsibility to her family". She wanted to wake up and not feel the pull of the magic in her veins. She wanted to be free.

She wanted to be a Muggle with no magic to taint her veins. Maybe then she'd be left in peace by her mother. Maybe then she could discover who she really was.

Not a Malfoy, not a Snape, just Senga.

A:N/

Well, I'm sorry it's only a short chapter, but I'm going away on Monday for a week to see my bother and his family. They have just had a baby boy and I'm really looking forward to seeing them again.

I will try to get another chapter out as soon as I come back.

I hope you all liked this one and it wasn't too rushed.

I'll try to explain both Senga and Hannah a little for you.

Hannah is onlyfourteen as well, but I have very loosely based her on a girl I know who although she's only twelve, is a very grown up twelve. She has her belly button pierced and her nose and dyes her hair frequently (I feel quite strongly that she is far to young.) as a result she has lost that "Childhood innocence" that I think every child should have. She resembles a very short twenty year old and I feel it's very sad. I'm a firm believer in children being allowed to be children. I know there are a lot of readers out there who are thirteen and maybe even younger, and I don't want to offend anyone. I just think that children should be allowed to grow up slowly. There are plenty of years ahead when they can dye their hair and pierce their noses.

Senga is a mix of the two. She's lost her innocence in the way her parents treat her, but she is still very innocent to the ways of the "muggle" world.

Hannah's "Mint Surprises" are based upon a sweet Enid Blyton invented in her "Magic Faraway Tree" stories (One of my all time favourite stories of my childhood. I spent many happy hours reading and re-reading those books! And now I look forward to reading them to Abby when's she's old enough! Yipee! I get to re-live my childhood through my daughter. Happy me!) I forget the name but I have Toffee something in mind. Moonface used to make them and Silkie made the biscuits. Anyone out there know what I'm rambling about?

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this and said such wonderful things. It makes me grin. All of your reviews are just great and I love reading them. It makes it all worth while.

Thanks also to anyone who has kept with me from the beginning.

Kitten, mentioned Meg being like Meg Ryan in You Got Mail. I have to admit to not having seen that film. (I'll be renting it or seeing if it's showing on sky now though!) I have seen Sleepless in Settle many moons ago and I enjoyed that one. I like Meg Ryan and I think she was excellent in (oh damn! I can not think of the title but it was with Andy Garcia and she played an alcoholic, I have "When a man loves a woman" in my head, but that was a Bryan Adams song so I'm probably wrong!) also French Kiss which I just love!

I have finally seen Spiderman and I just love that song! I'm a real sucker for a romance and, although a few scenes you could tell were computer generated, I thought it was a good movie that kept me entertained, although I also have to admit to liking (and once again the old gray cells fail me! I can't think of his screen name or his real name!) Spidermans (can't think of his name either! But you've probably guessed that by now) best friend better than Spiderman! I loved the scene where Spiderman (in that corny suit!) takes on the fighter in the cage! Best bit of the whole movie.

I'm rambling! What's new!

Of course now we have Men In Black 2 coming up and I am just such a sucker for Tommy Lee Jones (Swoons in seat).

Also I've been into watching Jet Li films on Movie Max ( we've got the film package on a cheap deal at the moment) So every night I've been vegetating in my living room with a cup of coffee (I'm on another eternal diet!) bags of fruit and Jet Li. My favourite so far has to be Fist of Legend. I also saw The Defender and if anyone else out there has seen it. Do you think it's almost identical to The Bodyguard with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner? (although I have to say, I'd much rather have Jet Li protecting me than Kevin Costner!)

Anyway, enough rambling!

Thanks again for reading, especially if you made it to here without falling asleep!

Oh by the way! If you're sixteen or over I really recommend a series of books by Nora Roberts. They are magic based (romance of course) and all are centered on an Island called the Three Sisters Island. I've just finished them and really enjoyed it. The books are "Dance upon Air", "Heaven and Earth" and "Face the Fire"

Okay that's really it now!

I hope you all have a great time and take care of yourselves!


	36. Sword of Damocles

Updated 2008 March

Usual Disclaimer and thanks to Camille for her hard work in beta-ing this.

* * *

"It can't be. That's just far too inconvenient," Snape grunted as he sat beside Megan, his arms folded across his chest. He was frowning darkly at where Poppy was standing the other side of where Megan was lying on the bed, her hands folded just under her breasts, her stomach exposed.

"Well, I'm sorry, Severus, but nature doesn't bother with what is convenient or not," Poppy said quietly, her kind eyes fixed on the wand she held over Megan's stomach.

"Are you certain you've got it right. You haven't made a mistake?" he continued grumpily.

Poppy looked up at him, her lips narrowed as she glared at him.

"No, I have not made a mistake. If the dates Megan has given me are correct, then May the fifteenth is when you can expect your baby to arrive."

"Megan?" Snape turned his black eyes on his wife. "Are you certain you have your dates right."

"Yes. Look Severus, what does it matter when it arrives," she said testily.

Megan had had just about enough of him. He had insisted on coming to see Poppy with her. At first Meg had assumed it was delayed paternal feelings kicking in, but it hadn't taken her long to realise that he merely wanted to find out when it would arrive; and it now seemed that this news didn't please him either.

"May is just before all the exams are taken. Have you any idea how much time is required at that time of year? I won't be able to spare any time at all!"

Meg glared at him and, sitting up swiftly, she dislodged Poppy's wand, but she paid no attention to Poppy's outburst to lay still.

"Severus, sometimes I could quite cheerfully strangle you," she spat at him. "Are you trying to say to me that those blasted exams come before the baby and me?"

"No, of course not," he muttered; his face tightened and his lips thinned as he clamped them together.

"Well, unfortunately life very rarely goes to plan, you just have to take what comes with the best of spirits," Poppy said as she gently eased Meg back down and began scanning again.

"I was just remarking on how inconvenient it would be that's all," he stated darkly.

"Well, I can't change things," Poppy said softly. "This baby is definitely a girl." She stood back with a satisfied look on her face.

"And she's okay?" asked Meg quietly, her eyes back on Poppy now, pointedly ignoring Snape who was still glowering at them both.

"Perfectly, asleep again, judging by the heart rate, but perfectly well."

Meg smiled as she tucked her shirt back down over her stomach and sat up.

"I feel better knowing that." She ignored Snape, who was sitting very still, his face dark and hard.

"Any ideas as to how you want to give birth?"

"Pardon?"

"Well, I took it upon myself to send for some books…" Poppy turned away and took a pile of brochures and books from the table behind her. "It has been a long time since I attended a birth. Of course, closer to the time, you'll have a Mediwitch Midwife assigned to you, probably in your second trimester," she mused half to herself, "but I'll still be here to help you, I rather liked the look of the water birth or maybe the Aromatherapy…."

"What?" Meg blinked several times; all thoughts of how angry she was with Snape had disappeared.

"A midwife will be assigned to you. She'll be on call so when you actually go into labour she'll be here to attend to you and the baby when it's born," Poppy said, loosing the dreamy expression in her eyes when she spotted Snape's fierce frown.

"Huh?" Meg sank back slightly against the pillows.

"Here, this explains it all a bit more." She handed Meg the books and, grinning, stepped back from the bed. "Such a wonderful experience, seeing new life, and I'm so happy it's happening to you both. You both deserve it!" She folded her hands around her wand, sighed happily, and left the cubicle drawing the curtain back around again.

Meg flicked through the books and found a page that showed the different stages of the baby's growth inside the womb.

"And I called it bug?" came a sarcastic voice from beside her, "it resembles a prehistoric life form."

Meg frowned at the picture of a four-week-old foetus and turned it this way and that.

"This is what she looks like now." Meg pointed to the picture of a baby at 14 weeks.

"Perfectly formed already," he said quietly as he stared at the picture of the baby curled in the womb.

"It says her eyes aren't able to open and her lungs aren't formed, but she looks just like a baby, doesn't she?"

"Yes, it certainly does," he replied and, taking one of the books from the bottom of the pile, flipped it open.

"Oh look, a book of baby names, and look at this, Poppy has a page marked and a name underlined. I wonder how much she's put on this one then," he sneered.

"What did she choose?" asked Meg, idly flicking through the book.

"Tameesha," he snorted. "Sounds like a sneeze. Can you imagine it, Tameesha Snape? People will think she has a constant cold." He looked up as he realised that Meg was no longer listening to him.

"What have you found?"

"Nothing." Meg shut the book with a slam and sat up, her face white as a sheet. "I feel sick again," she whispered and slid off the bed.

"But you haven't eaten anything," he said, gathering the books together to hurriedly stand and follow her out of the cubicle.

"I need some fresh air, that's all," she replied and wiped her hand across her face. "I might even lie down till tea, if you don't mind."

Snape stared at her in concern.

"Do you want me to take you back?"

"No, you have that meeting with the Hillary about the match on Saturday."

"I can cancel it."

She looked up at him and a wave of irritation and anger flooded through her.

"If you were that bothered about the baby arriving in May, I doubt very much that you would cancel a meeting about this precious school's Quidditch game. Especially when it might mean your house getting the bloody cup again," she spat and, turning, stomped away down the corridor.

He caught up with her as she reached the top of the stairs. He began walking down the stairs beside her.

"It will be difficult to arrange things in May, that was all I meant," he said coldly.

Meg snorted and just resisted throwing him down the stairs.

"If you want something badly enough, or you care about something strongly enough, nothing is impossible, Severus," she said tightly, her heart constricting: she felt so very close to tears.

"You know how much I care for you, so don't even dare to try and fling that at me," he said angrily. "And you know damn well I will not discuss things in the corridor. Let me walk you back to our rooms, and tonight we will sit down calmly and discuss this like adults."

"There is nothing to discuss, Severus. The baby will arrive when it arrives, despite what you do or do not want. Live with it." She turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and saw Remus and Sirius talking by the door to the staff room.

She didn't even look back as she crossed over to them, knowing full well that Snape wouldn't willingly walk within fifty yards of Sirius if he could avoid it.

"Megan!" Sirius beamed at her, his eyes flicking over her shoulder to where Snape stood watching her with black eyes that were harder than stone.

"Hey!" Meg smiled weakly at both men, her ears straining for sounds from Snape. She heard the swish of his robes as he turned and swept away from them.

"You look as if you need a good cup of tea," Remus said kindly, aware of the strain on Meg's face.

"Please. It's the damn morning sickness." She didn't bother smiling again; just let Remus link his arm through hers as they went in the staff room.

"So, how long are you here for?" asked Meg as the three of them sat at the table, nursing cups of tea.

"Harry has to be back with the team on Tuesday, so we leave tomorrow, which will give him Monday to get his gear from Molly," Sirius said conversationally

Meg nodded and stirred her tea carefully. At the moment she really couldn't care less when Harry left, she just needed to curl in a corner somewhere and cry.

"There will be a lot of sad kids tomorrow," Remus said cheerily.

Sirius laughed and shook his head at Remus.

"I think that Harry will be sad to leave here too."

Meg looked up at Remus and regarded him closely. The new potion seemed to be helping slightly; although, she knew that Snape was still trying to refine it even further in his spare time.

"You're looking better," she said quietly. She had a high regard for Remus and was pleased they had been able to help, even if it hadn't been as much as they would have liked.

"I feel it," he replied. "The headaches aren't nearly as bad as they were. Although, I know that you and Severus have put a lot of hard work into this, and I will be forever grateful."

"Severus does the bulk of it," Meg said. "He's the one who researches and refines. I just stir when I'm told to," she said with the barest hint of irritation in her voice.

"Snape? Snape is helping you?" asked Sirius, he sounded surprised.

"Some of us moved on when we left school, Sirius," Remus said quietly. "Severus has been a good friend to me."

"Severus wouldn't know what friendship was if it bit him on the arse! Whatever did you see in him anyway?" asked Sirius looking at a white faced Meg. "You can't tell me that it's his good looks or his warm sunny manners," he snorted.

"He's not the boy you knew," Remus remarked carefully. "Although, having said that, I don't think we ever took the time to find out what kind of boy he was either."

"He never let us."

"We never tried," corrected Remus. "But, that is all in the past. That was then and this is now."

"Here, here." Meg picked up her cup and chinked it against Remus's. She set it down and stood up. "I really need to go and sort some stuff out. I'll see you all tonight in the hall?" She couldn't stand to be here anymore. She needed to get away.

"Yes, you can imagine what kind of feast Albus has laid on for Harry's last night," laughed Remus, his kind eyes watching Meg carefully.

"Albus is a man with his heart in the right place… food always comes first." Meg winked at them and with a heart heavier than her exterior showed, she left the room to find some peace and quiet.

* * *

Meg closed the book up and groaned aloud.

"I can't do this. I can't do it," she wailed into the silence. She threw the book across the empty room and pulling her knees up she rested her head on her knees and let the tears fall.

The pictures in the book that Poppy had given her had finally rammed home the truth that one day, and not too far in the future, the baby growing inside her was going to come out, whether she liked it or not.

She hadn't thought about the actual childbirth itself. She had only ever imagined herself sitting on a rocking chair in their rooms with a tiny baby wrapped in a pure white shawl snuggled in her arms as she sang to it.

She most certainly hadn't imagined herself experiencing the amount of pain those women had to have felt. It just hadn't entered her mind. But now it had, and now she was most certainly sure it would never leave her mind.

Meg rocked back and forth slightly wishing with all her heart that her mother was with her, to stroke her hair like she used to and to tell her it was all going to be alright.

She had never felt so alone and so lonely.

Up until now she had to admit the thought of having a baby hadn't really been real. She hadn't truly comprehended the enormity of being a parent. In fact, she realised she had been residing in a very nicely coloured bubble which had just been burst. Everything came crushing down around her as she realised just how much things were going to change. Not only for her, but for Severus too, and she had no doubt that he too had no idea what was about to hit them.

* * *

Senga and Hannah were standing by the open window looking over the grounds.

Hannah was talking nineteen to the dozen about a film her brother had owled her to say he would take her to see when she went home for the holidays.

Snape stopped behind them and spoke quietly and deeply, "Miss Malfoy, if you would please come with me."

It gave him a little satisfaction seeing Hannah jump as he spoke, but Senga merely turned her head and looked up at him, her face expressionless.

He raised one eyebrow when she failed to move.

"Today, Miss Malfoy."

She looked at Hannah and, with a quick smile, she moved to face Snape.

"Sir?"

"Follow me, Miss Malfoy," he intoned darkly and, turning, swept away leaving Senga to follow him.

She followed him into a classroom close by and waited by the door as he crossed to stand beside the desk.

"Sit down." He pointed to the first desk and indicated her to sit. As she crossed she heard him utter a silencing spell on the closed door.

"Professor Snape," she said quietly, her small face completely expressionless as she regarded him through brown eyes.

"I have to say that both your aunt and I found this book to be highly interesting." He let the small book he had taken from her fall onto her desk.

He watched the tiny flicker of fear pass over her face.

"Any particular ideas you will be using on your chambers here?" he asked and stood directly in front of her desk, his arms folded and his sneer in place.

"No." She shook her head but made no move to reach for the book.

"Senga." He let his arms drop as he moved to the side and dragged a stool to sit in front of her. He crossed his arms on the desk and leaned forward to see her face better, "I'm aware of what the book truly holds."

Senga's head shot straight up as she stared at him; fear definitely flickered in her eyes now.

"Are you aware of the penalty for having books such as this in your possession?" he asked quietly, his face giving nothing away.

"Yes," she nodded.

"I'm also aware this is the book your mother sent you." He sat back slightly now that she was looking at him.

"Yes, my birthday present," she said, and he didn't miss the bitterness in her voice.

"It isn't to your liking then?" he asked, his voice soft and deep.

Senga drew in a breath and blinked several times.

"I tried to burn it," she said quietly, "in Mr Longbottom's bonfire, but it wouldn't burn."

"It's protected by the highest of Black Magic. It is extremely difficult to destroy," he said and frowned at her. "Did you read any of it?"

"A bit…" she said quietly.

"I want you to be aware of something, Senga. What this book contains is not the path I hope that you will choose."

"I don't…. will you tell mother?" she finally asked, screwing up all her courage.

"Tell her what?" he frowned.

"That I tried to burn it."

He sighed and sat back completely, folding his arms across his chest again.

"Senga, I will tell your mother nothing."

"She wouldn't be happy." She sat straight back in her chair, her eyes pinned to his.

"She will not find out," he said quietly. "I had hoped…" he stopped and regarded her with a closed expression on his face.

"I don't want to be like my mother. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know that I don't want… that." Her words came out rushed and jumpy. She couldn't quite meet his eyes, too afraid as to what she may see in them.

"I don't want you to be like her either. I made a promise to myself when you arrived here that I would make sure you were protected," he said softly.

Senga blinked, the muscles in her face were beginning to ache from the tension.

"I didn't think… I thought you… things weren't as I expected them to be… here." She finally raised her eyes to his, but there was none of the anger she had assumed she would see. If anything, his eyes held nothing but her own reflection; but the sneer was gone from his lips and that alone eased her slightly.

"You mean me," he replied. He resisted the urge to get up and walk away. It was getting personal. It was getting onto territory that he felt uncomfortable with. Loving and admitting his love to Megan was one thing, talking to this child was another.

"Well, you were always so different in your letters. I knew that if I asked a question, you would answer it…" she trailed off, but she couldn't drag her eyes away from his.

Snape drew in a deep breath and let it go silently.

"I have been somewhat remiss in my dealing with you," he said quietly. "I will try not to be in the future. If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me."

"I do…. I will," she amended herself quickly, her hands unclenched as she brought them up to touch the book still lying on the desk.

"I do not wish to keep this," she said and pushed it towards him; a relief so great filled her that she physically sagged and the tension left her completely.

"You will never know quite how relieved I am to hear that," he whispered and took the book from the table.

He looked back at her and the frown deepened between his eyes.

"Was it so very hard at home?"

"No." She shook her head, "Most of the time it's quite easy staying away from them actually. Mother spends a lot of her time either visiting or being visited, in which case we have to be very much out of sight. And Father, well I'm not certain what Father does, but he goes out at seven in the morning and doesn't get back till five in the afternoon." She spoke easily, her voice blank of any emotion.

Snape frowned deeper.

"Your mother was responsible for your education though, was she not?" he probed further, intent on seeing just what things had been like for her.

"Well, she choose the tutors and obviously she choose Nanny."

"Nanny?" His eyebrows rose.

"Nanny, our Nanny. I'm too old for one now, but she still looks after Damien," she said quietly.

"And do you like her?"

"No, she's a mean old bitch," she said bitterly, but the moment the words left her mouth she regretted her outburst.

Snape's eye's narrowed as he looked at her, but he refrained from pulling her up over her language. He had her on a track he was most interested in, and he had no intentions of stopping her now.

"Is it true that I'll be staying here for Christmas, and then going home with you for the summer holidays?"

The sudden change in track almost threw Snape, but his face showed nothing of his emotions. He realised she had deliberately steered the conversation from her home life and for the time he was willing to let it pass. He had plenty of time to weed it out of her later.

"Yes, I have already arranged things with your parents. You will be of help to your aunt when the baby arrives."

Senga blinked a few times and a tiny smile curved her lips.

"You would let me help?" She tried to keep the hope from her voice, but he picked up on it easily. It hadn't taken him long to realise that Senga was as easy to read as Megan was, if you knew what to look for and how to read the signs.

"Of course, in fact, I believe that your aunt is banking on your help. I believe that she will be very tired for some time to come after the birth." His frown deepened as he remembered the cold silence that had greeted him last night when he had gone back to their rooms after missing her at tea. She had been in bed already, lying on her side with her eyes tightly shut, although he had known she was far from sleep. Pride and anger at her had made him ignore her and stay in the study until late into the night.

"I would be glad to help anyway I could. Although, I have to say I haven't been around many babies." She frowned slightly. "Actually, I haven't been around any babies," she admitted.

"I don't expect that will cause many problems. How hard can one small infant be?" he said deeply, a touch of arrogance colouring his voice.

"Mother said we were unbearable and that was why she had to employ Nanny," Senga replied and looked back down at the book on the table under his hands.

Snape raised his eyebrows and refrained from telling her that anything that put Odile out of joint was unbearable, whether it be a small baby or a broken finger nail.

"Well, I'm quite sure you will adjust quite quickly to the baby."

"Is it going to be a girl or a boy?" she asked him, and once again he saw the sly look flicker in her eyes.

"Why do you ask?" he replied

"Oh, no reason," she said carefully, "just interested."

"I hope that you don't plan on using some of your allowance on predicting the baby's sex," he said darkly.

Senga blushed and shrugged before the blank look she was so good at settled over her face.

"Not at all, Uncle," she said, and he detected the mock innocence immediately.

His eyes narrowed as he sneered down at her.

"Uncle?" he said as one black eyebrow rose.

Senga was unable to hide the momentary hurt flicker across her face.

"In private you can call me Uncle," he said and was aware it sounded slightly condescending but he really didn't care, "but in public always Professor or Sir, understand?"

"Perfectly," she said and then slyly added, "Uncle."

He didn't smile back, but his face softened slightly. He had no idea that she was going to be so like himself at that age.

Sometimes he could almost see the way he had been: the same inability to settle and make friends, the same arrogance that he still carried with him. The only difference and, for this alone he had to admire her, was the difference in their reaction to the Dark Arts.

He had been seduced easily, willing. He had embraced it with all his being; if he was honest, it still ran through his veins like poison. Not that he would ever return to the way he had been, but the call of power the Dark Arts gave you was something that he would always have to live with. But the knowledge of what that power had done would burn in him forever.

Senga didn't appear to respond to that call. He had to make sure she was not only being honest but that it stayed that way.

He would do anything required, no matter how hard, and he had to admit that talking to her was hard. Harder than anything he'd done before.

Snape saw her look back down at the book, and a nervous look passed through her eyes. He decided to be honest with her.

"Although I have the ability to destroy this book if I so choose, your mother would know instantly and that is something we do not want. It will remain with me where it will be safe. Please do not try to find it."

"Why would I want to do that?" she asked, frowning up at him.

He narrowed his eyes at her and then looked down at where the innocent looking book lay. He picked it up and slid it inside his robes.

"Just don't try to find it," he replied and stood up in one fluid movement. "Your friend is hovering anxiously outside. Obviously she fears I may be hexing you in here. Please go and put her mind to rest."

Senga looked up at him in surprise.

"How do you know she's out there?"

"I haven't been teaching this long to not discover certain things about friends."

Senga blinked and frowned as his words struck a cord in her.

"My friend is outside," she whispered, and she realised with mixed feelings this was the first time she could ever recall having a friend.

"Hannah Jones seems to be an incredibly annoying child. You should both fit well together," he said dryly, his usual sarcastic sneer falling easily into place.

Senga stood up and looked at him carefully before a small smile curved her lips.

"Yes sir," she said and crossed to the door and slipped out, closing it behind her.

* * *

Meg sat with her knees hugged to her chest. She was cold but she couldn't be bothered to cast a charm. She was watching the sun set over the lake. It was so peaceful, so beautiful, and so serene.

"Sickle for them?" came a soft voice as Remus plopped down beside her. He sat with his legs Indian style and uttered a warming charm that covered them both.

"Thanks; they aren't really worth that much." She smiled softly, not taking her eyes from the fiery red sky over the lake.

"Okay, how about I hear them for free then," he volunteered.

"I was just watching the sun set. It's so peaceful out here."

"And I've just broken your peace, I'm sorry." He moved to stand up, but she caught his arm and shook her head.

"No, please stay. I didn't mean it like that."

"Funny thing sunsets," he mused quietly, his eyes half shut against the last glare from the sun. "It's the end of a day, but it holds so much beauty. I have always preferred watching the sun go down than the sun rise in the morning."

Meg laughed softly and shook her head

"I have to admit that I don't often see the sun rise. I'm usually still inspecting the inside of my eyelids!"

He laughed and picked a blade of grass. He slid it through his fingers and they fell silent as the sun dipped down below the trees and out of sight.

"There," Meg nodded, "the end of a terrible day."

"Still feeling bad?" He lifted his knees and rested his hands on them, his gaze now on her in the dying light.

"Oh, y'know," she shrugged.

"No, afraid on that one I don't and never will." He smiled, "I remember my sister complaining of morning sickness a lot. I think it eased in time."

"It's already much better actually. Almost gone really; it only returns if I make a complete pig of myself, which Severus tells me is all the time."

"Well, he can't deny you're eating for two now!"

"That worked so well until Poppy misguidedly informed him that 'eating for two' is a myth!"

"You're joking," he laughed.

"'Fraid not! All I have to up is my calcium and other vitamins and that's it. I was so disappointed when he got that look, y'know the one I mean, the 'You can't fool me, I know far more than you' look."

Remus pulled a face and nodded in agreement.

"Yes, I know the one. Infuriating isn't it?"

"Completely; Poppy also told him that for the first sixteen weeks I have to take a Folic supplement or something, he actually stands there and watches me take it. Won't leave me be till he sees me swallow the thing."

"He loves you," Remus stated simply.

Meg sighed and nodded slowly.

"Yes he does. I just wish…" She stopped and bit her lip.

"You do know anything you say to me will never go any further," he said quietly.

"I know." She looked at him and smiled. "You're a good friend, Remus."

"I'll try to help in anyway I can," he said seriously. "You both deserve to be happy, and while Severus has… hidden qualities, I know he isn't always the easiest of people to get along with."

"I don't want to betray him."

"By talking through the way you feel?"

"Yes."

"It's not betrayal, Meg. Talking can sometimes clear your head. I find that if I can talk aloud, actually say the words out loud, it doesn't seem as tangled as it did before I talked about it. Things that are left to bottle up always get worse and worse."

"It's just I feel so…" she stopped and blushed as tears came into her eyes, "alone, I guess."

He stayed quiet, his eyes kind as he watched her.

"I mean… I really, really miss my mother." She looked out over the darkening lake and forced her tears down. "I've always missed her, but recently… Severus has no idea. He truly has no idea what's going to happen to us. I have no idea, but at least I'm semi-conscious of the major changes ahead. I've heard of women wanting their mothers when they get pregnant, but I hadn't realised exactly what that meant. I'm not sure I can go through with it, actually having the baby. It scares me stupid and I really, really want to hear her telling me it's going to be okay." She shook her head, frowning darkly.

"But that's not all that scares me." She looked at Remus, her eyes clouded with worry and fear. "It scares me that he's going to realise that having a family isn't a nine to five job. It scares me that he may not stick around. It scares me that in a few months there will be another person in our lives, someone totally dependent on us, on me. It scares me to think that if Severus can't hack it I'm going to be alone; completely alone."

"It all comes round to the same thing, doesn't it? Whether or not Severus is going to stay with you. Have you said anything to him at all about this?" Remus asked softly.

"When we first found out he took it remarkably well, so well in fact that I honestly thought he was ill. I half expected him to rampage around the room, yelling at me for being so damn silly in the first place, but he didn't. He did tell me that he didn't want the baby though." She closed her eyes. "He said he would try to be a good father. I tried to convince him at the time he'd be a good father if he tried, but I think I was trying to convince myself as well. It sounds horrible doesn't it, doubting your own husband."

"No, just because you love him and you're his wife doesn't mean he's perfect. Neither does it mean that you're blind to his faults. You recognise that both of you have a lot of changing to do, that can only be a positive thing. It would be far worse for you both if neither of you realised it."

"But he has said he doesn't want the baby. He said that while he would never leave us, he just doesn't want her either. How can it work both ways? It can't surely."

"He hasn't seen her yet. She hasn't had time to work her own magic on him. I don't suppose Severus has actually had much to do with babies. They have a funny way of creeping into your heart and staking up residence there. I've only ever held my niece and nephew and both were only a few hours old when I first held them, but the moment I held them I knew."

"What did you know?" she asked him quietly.

"That everything that ever mattered, or ever would matter, lay wrapped in a shawl in my arms, and that I would give my life for them."

Meg sighed and laid her head on her knees to look at him sideways.

"But will that hold true at three in the morning when she's screaming for a feed and there's a hundred dirty nappies everywhere?"

"Nothing lasts forever, Meg, not even sleepless nights," he smiled.

"Are you so sure?"

"Positive. My nephew is nine now and if he had his way, he would sleep all day and all night." He grinned. "But it's really true when you hear people say 'It's different with your own.' My niece and nephew may not be my own children, but they are close as I'll get and I can vouch that it's true. When it's your flesh and blood, it really is different."

"I hope you're right." She smiled. Meg was no clearer in her mind, only time would answer her questions and fears, but talking certainly did help to lift things slightly. "And you do realise you have just offered your services as Babysitter."

"I have?" Remus looked mockingly alarmed. "Now hold on there, I never inferred that!"

"Too late." She smiled and sat up straight. She looked out over the now dark lake and sighed heavily.

"Talk to Severus, Meg. Tell him how scared you are, he can't understand if you don't tell him."

"No, I suppose not," she replied. She knew he was right, knew that she needed to sit down and talk things through with him. There were so many things that they would have to start working out besides what she had told Remus, and the only way to do that was to talk to him.

* * *

Meg lay looking up at the ceiling, her eyes fixed on the dancing patterns the candle flames cast.

She could hear Snape sitting at his desk in the other room, his quill scratching across the paper. She could hear his frequent curses as he marked the scrolls in front of him.

She sat up and slid her arms into the sleeves of his dressing gown. It was miles too long for her and dragged across the floor as she walked towards the doorway, but it smelled of him and it was soft and comforting.

"Severus?"

"Hum?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Yes." He didn't look up from the scrolls, but she saw his quill pause in mid air.

"I think we need to talk," she said softly, her voice quavering slightly as she walked to perch on the edge of the chair by the fire.

He placed his quill in its stand and replaced the lid on his ink pot. He scraped his chair back across the floor and turned to face her, crossing his legs as he steepled his fingers under his chin. His black eyes shone with the dancing firelight.

She sat there, her eyes fixed on a point between her bare feet on the rug. He made no move to come across to the other chair, nor did he say anything, he just sat there and watched her.

Meg shivered with cold despite the heat from the fire. She drew her legs under her and wrapped herself firmly in his dressing gown.

She frowned and took the dressing gown tie in one hand and began to plait it together with the other tie.

"Are we going to be talking tonight, or do you wish for me to allocate a couple of hours in the near future?" he broke the silence with a frosty voice.

Meg snapped and jumped to her feet, her eyes blazing at him. That was the last thing she needed to hear.

"Allocate yourself to hell for all I care," she spat. "I should have known better than to expect a little help from you!" She rushed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She made it as far as the bed when the door was slammed opened, banging back on its hinges to hit the wall with a bang.

She jumped, turning to see him coming towards her, his eyes blazing with fury and his face dark and angry.

He stopped inches from her and bent his face close to hers, making her look up and back up sharply. Her legs connected with the bed and her knees gave out as she sat down heavily.

He advanced closer and bent over her, his eyes pinning hers.

"Don't talk to me like that," he hissed coldly. "You were the one who came in declaring we had to talk. I was merely interested as to which century this talk would be taking place in."

"There you go again," she cried out. "All sarcastic and nasty. Sometimes talking to you resembles conversing with a barrel of caustic soda."

He narrowed his eyes and stood back to look down at her.

"What did you wish to talk about?" He folded his arms.

"Oh my, now let me guess. What on earth would we have to talk about?" she spat sarcastically.

"Now who's being sarcastic?" he growled. "If you can't take it, don't give it out!"

"Well, it makes no difference now anyway. I've changed my mind; I don't want to talk anymore anyway!" She stood up as best she could with him looming over her and, moving past him, headed towards the bathroom.

"Megan." Her name was low, soft and extremely dangerous.

"I'm going to have a bath," she said clearly, ignoring his tone of voice as she went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

She got as far as the sink this time before the door was opened and he came in.

"Don't play games with me, Megan," he warned. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

"I told you, I changed my mind. If and when we do sit down and talk about things, it's going to have to be when we're both in a better mood. It was my fault; I shouldn't have stopped you marking. Marking always makes you foul tempered."

He didn't say anything, just crossed to the bath and began to run the taps.

Meg watched him in the mirror, but he didn't say anything as he waited for the water to fill and then he switched off the taps again. He stood up straight and looked across at her before turning to leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Meg sagged forward onto the sink and let the tears flow. She had messed that up well and truly. After living with him for so long she should be used to his sarcasm; most of the time she knew he wasn't even aware he was doing it, it was so second nature to him, it didn't always register. But it had stung her tonight. She had needed him to help her and he had stung her with sarcasm.

She slid out of his dressing gown and her t-shirt and slid into the water.

She rested her head back and lay there with her eyes shut, the tears drying on her face.

The water was almost cold when he opened the door and went in. He looked at where Meg was lying, her eyes still closed; the tear tracks evident on her cheeks. At first he thought she was asleep, and he stepped forward quickly, annoyed she had been foolish enough to fall asleep in the bath. But she opened her eyes as he stopped by the edge, and he saw she hadn't been asleep at all, just lying with her eyes closed.

"It must be cold by now," he remarked, his voice blank from feeling or emotion.

"It is," she replied quietly and closed her eyes again.

"Don't shut me out," he said softly and hunched down beside her till he was on eye level with her.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

"What are we going to do, Severus?" she whispered.

He rested his arms along the bath edge and rested his chin on his arms, his hair swept forward, obscuring the sides of his face.

"Why don't we start again?" he suggested softly. "Stand up." He knew that wasn't what she had meant, but it seemed the only answer he could give her was to misunderstand her words.

He stood back from her and reached for a towel as she stood up. He wrapped it around her and lifted her clear of the tub and into his arms.

"I can walk, y'know."

"Keep quiet. Take advantage of this, if those books are correct, I won't be able to do this soon," he smirked at her dryly.

"Thanks for reminding me," she growled and slid her arms around his neck as he took her into the bedroom.

"You're welcome."

He sat down on the bed, keeping her in his arms. He looked down at her face and frowned in concentration.

"You have changed. It's very subtle, but you do indeed 'glow.' I believe that is the correct term anyway."

"I'm glowing? Or did you mean glowering," she replied, unable to keep the smile from her lips.

He raised one eyebrow at her, not bothering to reply to her comment.

"I believe you wanted to talk to me earlier. Where did you want to start?"

"I don't know," she sighed, her smile disappeared as once again her heart felt heavy.

"How about what you will do when the baby is born. I spoke to Senga this afternoon, and she knows now that she is to stay with us, but it made me think about what we will do."

"I don't really want to leave here, but I don't suppose there'll be a choice."

"Why not?" he asked simply. "It would be no great task obtaining a place in Hogsmede; in fact, Hillary was telling me about some places that are being sold on the outskirts. I believe Hillary and Jack are looking to buy one."

"Hogsmede? Would I continue to teach?"

"Would you want to? I understand there are people who can be employed to sit with the baby during your lesson times."

"Babysitters," Meg said absently, "I don't know. I don't think I want to give up teaching… but… I don't know."

"Well, that is quite a while in the future; perhaps it would be best to leave that till after the baby is born. Your feelings could change drastically at any point. No need to commit yourself now."

"No, I suppose not, but I do like the idea of buying a place in Hogsmede. Would you be alright there? It wouldn't exactly be like the Manor in Wales," she said; lifting her finger, she stroked it down his cheek, her eyes on her finger.

"It would be adequate," he nodded. "I am only interested in your comfort. I realise you do not like using Portkeys or your broomstick, so the manor in Wales is out of the question."

"There are other modes of transport, Severus," she said softly.

"Indeed there are, ones which take three times as long and are, quite often, extremely dangerous. I do not like the idea of you using Muggle transport."

"How on earth do you think I survived nearly twenty five years without you?"

"I have no idea. A miracle I'm sure," he snorted dryly.

"Hum," Meg pulled a face at him and shook her head, "I think not; besides what could be more dangerous than clinging to a broomstick, several hundred feet from the floor and no safety net.""

"Safety net?" he frowned and then shook his head. "Well anyway, before this degenerates into a slinging match, I think we can agree on obtaining somewhere in Hogsmede. I will see to it this weekend."

"I'm coming too," she said hastily and just managed to keep the towel up over her as she sat up in his arms quickly.

"Is there really any need for us both to go?" he asked frowning.

"Severus! Of course there is. How can you even think otherwise; I have to make sure the place is suitable. What the garden is like… will it need decorating. What the kitchen is like."

"Oh, of course, I keep forgetting you're a woman," he said matter-of-factly.

"I beg your pardon?" Meg sat up straighter and glared at him. "What do you mean you keep forgetting I'm a woman?"

"Now, don't get out of hand. I was merely saying that sometimes I forget you have these strange quirks peculiar to women, such as colour co-ordinating curtains with the wallpaper and so on."

"I really think you should be quiet, Severus," she demanded. "There is nothing peculiar about wanting a place to be a home."

"Quite," he sneered at her. "We will both go Saturday morning."

Meg, feeling decidedly disgruntled, slid from his lap to cross to the chest of drawers to get out a clean night-shirt.

"Now I have upset you again," he sighed and stood up to undo his waistcoat.

"Well, what do you expect when you tell me that you forget I'm a woman," she snapped and let the towel drop to the floor to slide the shirt over her head.

"You mistook my words," he said softly and from right behind her. She turned sharply and almost collided with his now bare chest.

"Really?" she demanded, glaring up at him.

He reached out one hand and, sliding his finger inside the edge of her night-shirt, he pushed one sleeve down to bare her shoulder. His eyes followed his finger as he continued down her arm and then back up again to stroke across her breastbone to slide the sleeve down her other arm.

"How can I forget when you are the most breathtakingly beautiful woman I have ever seen?" he spoke quietly, his eyes resting on her lips and then moving up to look into her eyes.

"You smooth talker," she sighed, melting under his gaze. She raised her fingers to brush their tips across his lips.

"Truth teller," he replied and kissed her finger tips as he leant forward. He captured her fingers in one hand and drew them to his neck as he leant closer to her lips. His other hand trailed across her bare shoulder, trailing fire on her skin.

"You can't wiggle out of it…." He pressed his mouth to hers, cutting off any further words. His kiss deepened as she gave into him, her arms going around his neck to cling to him. He caught her up and crossed back to the bed, his lips never leaving hers.

Meg sighed into his mouth and decided that she would show him just how much of a woman she really was. Maybe he wouldn't forget again.

A/N: Well, I had a simply great time with my brother and his wife. Their little boy is just gorgeous. He was a bit of a surprise to them as their youngest is six this year and their oldest is ten this year. But he's adorable and has two mothers and two fathers as the both my niece and nephew dote on him. He only has to cry and they're at his side peering anxiously over saying "can we hold him mum?" He's definitely going to be spoilt rotten. He was only four weeks old when I saw him and it's got me so broody!!!

Anyway….

Thanks for being so patient for me. I just hope the wait was worth while!

Thanks to everyone who has very kindly left such lovely reviews. It really makes my day to see them.

Odile's Book of Shadows is actually borrowed from Witches in general. They use a Book of Shadows which is where they record any ingredients or items that they use in their general craft. Also I believe it is used for to record crystals and other such things that have healing properties. I found out quite a lot of this when I did some research on Witchcraft in general. So I thought I ought to make it very clear here that I was not trying to be offensive to Witches who use Books of Shadows as they are not actually intended to harm other people at all. Odile is a nasty type who in fiction uses Magic in ways which (obviously) isn't real. Inspiration was vacant when choosing a name for the book that Odile gave to Senga so I stuck to the true book which witches in general use. I just hope that I don't upset anyone.

A few have asked if I have this all worked out as it has changed so much. I have to admit to not having a guideline to follow. I know what will happen in the end and all the general details, but how the characters reach that end just kind of happens. I tend to sit at my keyboard and type, which is why a lot of it is absolute rubbish! My imagination just gets carried away sometimes and before I know it I've written ten pages (of which, without the usual waffle, could probably fit onto four pages!)

Anyway onto more important things:

A lot of you have just either sat exams or are sitting them. I really hope you do well. I'm thinking of you!

And a lot of you are just starting holidays…have loads of fun!

And some of you are going back to Uni and School…. I hope everything goes well for you.

And of course some of you are still slogging it out at work. I hope you enjoy what you do. ( and there's always the pay packet at the end of the month (which never goes far enough) to think about.

Thanks to everyone who reads this and I hope you all have a great day.

P.S. Lunarmouse, I would love to know more about that book by Nora Roberts, thanks. I appreciate you doing this for me.

If I have forgotten anything or anyone, please forgive me and put it down to old age.


	37. Nemo Me Impune Lacessit

_When the day is filled with shadows_

_that stretch into the night,_

_I am filled with your sweet comfort,_

_Like morning fills with light._

_I will never leave you_

_I will never go away_

_We were meant to share each moment_

_Beside you is where I will stay._

_Evermore and always_

_We'll be one though we are two._

_For I will never leave you._

_"Something" from the West End Show "Witches of Eastwick":_

The thick packet dropped onto Snape's plate, making the knife that had been resting there clatter to the table.

Snape snarled and snatched at the packet with one hand, even as his other hand gently scratched the head of his owl as it perched on his shoulder, hooting softly into his ear.

Snape looked over at Meg's plate and stopped stroking the owl long enough to take the last piece of toast from her plate and offer it to the bird.

"Hey!" Meg frowned at him. "I was saving that!"

"After travelling from my sister's, I'm sure Excelsior needs it far more than you do," he replied, watching the owl as she fluttered her wings softly against his hand and then flew upwards.

"How do you know it's from Odile?" asked Meg, peering at the very formal script writing on the front.

"Her hand writing is unique," he snapped with distaste as he looked down at the packet.

"Well….." drawled Meg, slowly pulling a face.

"Well what?" he snapped, glaring at her.

"I thought it was a 'return to sender,'" She shrugged and avoided his dark eyes as she instead stared at the packet.

"My writing bears no resemblance to Odile's," he said coldly, annoyed that she should even think such a thing.

"Oh, I think it does." She said and used her knife to point to the 'S' in Hogwarts. "Look, she even tails her S's like you do…." Meg faded out as she became aware of his thunderous gaze. He reached forward and removed the knife from her fingers and placed it on her plate.

"Um… what's it about then?" she asked, sitting up straight, pretending she hadn't just got marmalade on the front of the packet.

He wiped it with his napkin and snorted.

"Having not opened it yet, I can't say. Obviously my powers of divination aren't what they ought to be," he drawled sarcastically.

"Now," Meg grinned at him, "don't get all snotty. Half the front row of Slytherin are acutely aware that the teacher 'who never gets post' has just got post!"

Snape glared down at them, and they quickly looked back at their breakfasts under his dark, angry stare.

"Nosy…."

"Yeah, well, mine is itching as well, come on, open up!" Meg interrupted him as she scraped her chair closer to him to peer over his arm.

"Do you mind," he snapped. "I will not open it here; if you've finished…" He eyed her still sticky fingers

"Oh, dry up, Severus," she snapped and sucked her fingers clean.

He smirked at her and stood up, leaning down so that his mouth was close to her ear.

"You should have left me to do that for you." His breath was hot on her ear, and his abrupt change of mood rendered her speechless as his long, cool fingers closed around her upper arm.

"What seems to be the problem, Professor Snape?" he drawled lazily in her ear as he helped her to stand up. He let go of her arm and, placing his hand on the small of her back, propelled her towards to the door leading out into the corridors.

She watched him close the door behind him and then, when he turned to her, she grinned at him.

"Have you ever thought of learning to be an Animagus?" she inquired silkily as they began to make their way to the dungeons. "A Chameleon would be good as you're already extremely changeable."

He smirked down at her, the packet still clutched in his hand.

"What makes you think I haven't already?"

Meg stopped short and stared up at him

"You're kidding me," she gasped.

"Indeed I am," he replied silkily.

"Oh, you." She slapped at his arm and carried on walking.

"You're surprisingly light-hearted considering you're holding the venom of a snake in your hand," Meg said softly as they took the stairs that led to their private quarters.

"I do not fear Odile," he said as they stopped in front of the door to their rooms. He opened it for her and stood back to let her in.

"I thought it was only a fool that doesn't get frightened," she returned, as she kicked off her boots and crossed to light the fire in the fireplace before curling up on the chair.

"I didn't say I am never frightened, just that Odile is not one of the things that can frighten me," he said smoothly as he sat behind his desk and placed the packet in front of him.

"And just what does frighten, Severus Snape?" she asked curiously, regarding him closely.

He looked up from the letter and a smirk formed around his lips.

"That one day you will succeed in your mission and Hogwarts will run out of food before lunchtime." He raised an eyebrow. "Or worse, that Longbottom will be given his own class to teach."

He picked up a heavy pewter letter opener shaped as a unicorn and slit the packet open.

"Should I take cover?" asked Meg as she saw him take out what looked like a legal document and a cover letter.

Severus didn't reply as he read the letter, but Meg watched his face get blacker and blacker with each passing moment until he slammed the letter down with a snarl and picked up the documents.

"What is it?" Meg felt a shiver of true fear slice through her heart as she stood up to pad over to pick up the letter.

He threw the documents down with an angry growl and sat back in his chair, his eyes closed.

Meg was really scared now; she perched on the edge of the desk beside him and opened the letter to read it aloud.

_Severus_

_I enclose the documents forwarded to me by "Slye, Gamble and Racket Solicitors."_

_I am sure that you are aware that these documents are legal and binding and the wishes of our father._

_Of course, while the documents are indeed binding, this only remains true while you remain in your current circumstances. If certain things were to change, as I'm sure you are aware, then obviously you may disregard these documents._

_I know we may not have always seen eye to eye but our blood flows the same. I hope, for your sake, that you consider matters seriously and come to the conclusion that we both know is the true and right course for you to take._

_I remain your sister_

_Odile Malfoy._

Meg looked up at Snape, but his eyes were still closed.

"I don't get it. What is she saying?" Meg's voice was little more than a whisper and the fear in her heart had become a huge cloud hanging over her.

"Ever heard of the Sword of Damocles, Megan?" he asked slowly, his eyes opening to look into hers. He watched her nod at him, her face pale and drawn with fear.

"Well it's over my head and Odile has the knife to cut the string," he said bitterly. "Or should I say that father has the knife. He controls long after he died!" He scraped the chair back from the desk and stood up swiftly.

"Severus, please, you're scaring me, what's up?" she begged.

"I have lost everything, or at least I will," he replied and placed his hands over the documents on the table and pushed them gently towards her.

"No." She shook her head and stood up. "You tell me! I won't understand a word of therefores and therearts," she demanded.

"There is a clause written into father's will," he said quietly, all emotion gone from his face and eyes, "the long and the short of it, Megan, is that if either myself or Odile were to produce legal heirs that were not pure blooded, then we would loose our inheritance."

"Huh?" Meg heard the words, but they refused to make sense in her mind.

"In other words, if I were to marry a Muggle born witch and procreate with her, then the inheritance I received from my father's estate would be taken from me and given to Odile." His wording changed, spelling out to Meg exactly what had, or rather would happen, when their baby was born.

"Sweet Merlin!" She blinked at him. "You mean because our baby will have Muggle blood in its veins then you are disinherited."

"Correct," he replied and crossed to his chair by the fire. He sat down and crossed his legs.

"So, what exactly is Odile saying here? I mean…" Meg ran a hand through her hair, mussing it badly, "I mean it looks as if she's saying if we don't have the baby…"

"Divorce actually," he said, his voice as blank as his face.

"Divorce?" Meg squealed at the top of her lungs. "Divorce me?"

"Now, now, don't get all riled," he snapped impatiently. "I have no intentions of ever divorcing you or letting go of the baby." He shook his head and stared into the flames.

"The bitch!" Meg stared back down at the letter. "She's basically telling you to get rid of us and then you won't lose… what will you lose anyway?" She crossed to stand in front of him, her hands on her hips.

"The manor house in Wales, all the money that is kept in the family vault in Gringotts, the entire estate around the manor and of course, being disinherited means I can no longer use the name Snape."

"You're joking," she gasped.

"I will still be Severus Snape, that is my legal name, but the name Snape will no longer open any doors for me, so to speak."

Meg blinked as his words sank in. She backed up to sink into her armchair.

"We will, of course, be penniless. I am unsure when exactly it will take effect though," he snorted dryly. "Had he still been alive, it would have taken effect the moment he found out I had married you. He would have cut me off without a penny straight away. I greatly underestimated him indeed."

Severus swore, stood up quickly, and swept towards the door.

"Where are you going?" cried Meg, panic sounding clear in her voice.

He hesitated by the door, one hand on the handle. He let go and turned slowly to face her.

"Megan, I need to be alone for a while, to think this through, I know it's Sunday, but I trust you'll be okay on your own." He went back to her quickly and bent to drop a kiss on her forehead as she looked up at him, concern etched on her face.

"It will be okay," he whispered into her hair and stood up. "I will never leave you, Megan, you are my future."

He went out shutting the door quietly behind him.

Meg stared at the door and sank back against the chair. He needed space to think, peace and quiet. She understood that about him.

She was unsure of the extent to which this disinheritance would affect them, but obviously it had affected him badly already.

Sighing, she got up and decided to start on the pile of scrolls waiting in her classroom. She knew it was going to play on her until he was able to explain it properly to her, but until then she needed a way to distract herself.

Whether it would work or not was another matter.

* * *

She was halfway through marking when a thought struck her.

Yesterday, Severus had taken her down to Hogsmede to look at the house that he had found.

They had discussed at length the house, as Severus had made it quite to clear to her that as Head of Slytherin House he was unable to leave Hogwarts during term time. At first he had suggested that Meg stay in the house on her own and at weekends stay in Hogwarts with him. Meg didn't want that though, as it would mean they would be apart for five out of seven days and it would be too much upheaval every weekend, especially when the baby was small. In the end they had come to the decision that the house would be bought and used during holidays instead of going to his manor in Wales. Money at that time hadn't been an issue and although it seemed extravagant, Meg was relieved that they wouldn't be using the manor in Wales. She found it hard enough to stay there, but she was convinced it was no place for children.

Money was something that had only been discussed once. Snape paid for everything.

Meg wasn't grasping, nor was she ignorant. She had arranged for her teaching salary to go into his vault at Gringotts soon after they were married. It was when he found out that they had talked about money. He had insisted she change it back to her account; he had called it a 'savings fund' as he was quite adamant that anything she required he was to pay for.

She had refused at first, but he had been insistent: she was his wife, his responsibility and therefore he would carefor her financially.

She realised it was a question of breeding and pride, and she had let it go. She didn't require much anyway. She had never been one for hitting the shops frequently or for trivial shopping, but she had no doubt that even if she had he wouldn't have stopped her.

Meg slapped her hand to her forehead, not noticing the ink that splattered her forehead from the quill still in her hand. How stupid had she been?

The savings fund. They would have at least three years worth of money in there. She only touched it for things like birthdays, anniversaries and the like. There was bound to be a sizeable amount in there, or at least she hoped there was.

She stood up, intent on finding him and letting him know.

"Do you know you have ink across your forehead?" asked Remus, grinning at her.

"Huh?" She blinked vaguely at him before looking back around the staff room. There was still no sign of Snape.

"Ink… across your forehead," he said, smiling openly now.

"Oh!" Meg wiped her fingers across her skin and managed to make it worse. "Have you seen Severus?"

Remus stood up and, taking out his handkerchief, ran it under the tap before handing it to her.

"What?" She stared at it, so intent to talk to Snape that she had no idea what Remus was doing.

He sighed, took it back, and carefully wiped at the ink.

"There, now it doesn't look as if you're impersonating Harry," he grinned. "Now, you're looking for Severus? You just missed him; I would imagine he'd be on his way now."

"What?" Meg frowned at him. "On his way?"

"Yes, he was here about ten minutes ago with Albus. He left almost immediately. Has he forgotten to take something with him?"

Meg stepped back, confusion evident on her face.

"Hold on, I have no idea what you are talking about!"

Remus' grin faded as he realised she really did have no idea.

"I thought…. but surely you know."

"Know what?" She all but screamed.

"He's gone up to Diagon Alley for some reason," Remus spoke quietly, almost as if he didn't want to say the words. "He told Albus he would be back Monday evening. I'm taking his classes for him… I take it he did forget something," he said quietly, watching Meg's face carefully.

She closed her eyes as a whirl of emotions raced through her to leave her numb.

"He's probably looking for you now," he said softly, wincing at the look on her face.

"Probably," she whispered and left the staff room unable to truly believe that he would leave without even telling her what he was planning.

She made her way down to the entrance hall and felt totally defeated when she only saw a handful of students and no teachers at all.

She headed out onto the grounds but didn't see any sign of him there either.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She still didn't believe that he would have gone. Not even Severus could be that unfeeling.

She hugged her arms around her; it was definitely getting colder and she wore no cloak over her robes.

She headed down into the walled gardens that Neville and Sally loved to cluck over, but they were empty too. Neville would probably still be in the hall eating and Sally was… wherever Sally was on Sundays.

She stopped by a stone wall that looked down over a formal terrace. It still surprised her to see formal gardens in a school, but she knew that Albus loved his gardens too.

She could see where some beds had been overturned, ready for winter. It was starting to look dead, the life and colour starting to fade from sight.

"You will get cold here," came a dark voice from behind her just as she felt strong hands wrapping a cloak around her shoulders.

She stayed perfectly still as arms crept around her under the guise of doing up the cloak.

"I knew you wouldn't go without telling me," she half laughed, the relief evident in her voice.

"You have heard what I am planning?" Snape drew her back to lean against him.

"I just saw Remus in the staff room," she replied, her hands covering his on her folded arms.

"Ah, and you half suspected I had left without telling you," he replied and she could hear the edge to his voice.

"I couldn't find you," she shrugged.

"I have been looking for you actually." He rested his chin on the top of her head, his eyes wandering over the gardens.

"So, I take it you're going to go and see the solicitors and find out what's what."

"Yes," he nodded, his arms tightening around her.

"I was trying to find you because I remembered my account in Gringotts. It's hardly been touched for three years now; it should hold enough for us to work around things."

"I had wanted to buy you what you wanted myself," he replied softly, his voice now carefully blanked against his emotions.

"Yes I know, but money is only money after all. My dad said you can't take it with you and, as far as I know, he was correct." She drew one of his hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles. "What matters is that we're together," she said quietly.

"Of course." He turned her in his arms and drew her in tight to him. "I can't let this go though. There are things that I have been thinking of since the beginning of term; but I must wait till I return tomorrow night before I talk more about them."

"All right," she nodded, laying her cheek against the stiff material of his waistcoat, "but don't get disappointed, I really doubt if there's anything you can do. You would need to contest the will… prove he wasn't of sound mind… it would be very hard if he died a while back."

"I have no plans to contest the will, just to make sure that Odile doesn't get her hands on any of it," he said, hatred clear in his voice.

Meg sighed again; so much enmity between siblings was completely foreign to her.

"There must be something about her that you care for. She can't be completely bad, surely," she said quietly; although, she had her doubts herself.

Snape was silent for a few minutes before he replied.

"I thought at one time had she have married Holland then maybe things might have been different."

"Is he aware of Senga?"

"No, he's dead."

"Oh."

"I do think that Odile was caught between the two of them; Tobias and Lucifer. I don't believe that either of them knew about the other. I was working my way up Voldemort's ranks; but I made sure that I kept a close eye on what was happening with Odile. I found out everything there was to know aboutHolland and his family. She was seventeen and seeing both him and Malfoy. She was already a Black Witch and to this day I wonder what on earth a Holland was doing getting involved with Odile. But then…" he trailed off and kissed the top of her head, "we do not pick who we fall in love with."

Meg smiled as she thought back to their own beginnings, goodness how she had hated him, or at least how she had thought she hated him.

"No, we don't do we?" A thought struck her that had her lifting her head. "If you had known then what you know now…"

He cut her off quickly by placing his hand across her mouth.

"I would still have married you. I have no choice in my love for you, and I want no choice. I am happy with you, I love you, and all I want to do is spend the rest of my life with you."

Her eyes brimmed with tears over his hand and a few slipped out and over his fingers.

"Although having said that, I would have taken time to inspect your store cupboard for out of date ingredients," he smirked.

"That's not a nice thing to say…" she mumbled beneath his palm. He moved his hand to cup her cheek.

"Promise me you won't tell our child things like that," she frowned at him.

"I promise," he replied and bent slightly to kiss the tip of her nose. "Now come with me to the gates where I can say goodbye to you properly without the fear of nosy little brats wandering past."

She stepped back from him and felt happier than she had for a long time as he slipped his hand into hers and they walked down the grounds towards the main gates.

_To don the robes of Torquemada, to resurrect the Inquisition,_

_And in that tortured subtle manner inflict questions within questions,_

_within questions._

_Looking in shades of green through shades of blue;_

_I trust you trusting me to mistrust you._

_"Emerald Lies" Marillion_

Severus smiled and it was not a pleasant sight at all.

The man behind the desk who had bid him goodbye was glad that it hadn't been him that this man had just done business with.

Severus was highly satisfied with his morning's work. He had but one more stop and then he would head back to Hogwarts and the one thing that had remained constant to him. Megan.

He stepped out onto the main street of Diagon Alley and looked around him with interest. He was sorry he hadn't been able to bring Megan. She liked looking around the bustling shops, and she certainly liked stopping for ice-cream. A half smile formed on his lips as he pictured her sitting at one of the outside tables, battling her way valiantly through a strawberry and chocolate sundae.

He was aware that things would never be the same again for them. He had nothing, nothing but his name, for what it was now worth, and what he had on him.

But he had made certain that while he may fall, Odile would fall with him.

Perhaps he should have felt guilty for his actions. Perhaps he should be feeling remorse, maybe even concern. But he had made sure that no harm would come to those he cared for. And that was all that concerned him.

Odile held no concern for him, and he certainly wasn't about to start feeling regret over her, not even guilt at actions he had taken years ago. Severus Snape had always been one to guard his back. He had failed with his father, but his mistrust of his sister even when she was just a child had stood him in good stead now that his mistrust was so obviously well placed.

He had almost laughed at Mr Slye as he had sat behind his desk, 'hemming and haaing' his way through Severus' proposal, the tangled questions within questions that he had been in no way able to avoid and had to act upon. He had been tied against changing anything. Everything that Severus had questioned and then demanded was now legal and binding.

Odile may not trust Severus anymore than she could throw him, and he certainly had known she would not trust him, but while Odile might be extremely clever, she was no match for a Severus Snape that was riled and ready for battle.

She had underestimated him and it was to his advantage. She may have assumed him weak for loving a Muggle born, or she may hoped he would 'come to his senses' before it was too late; either way, she had gambled and they had both lost.

He had no qualms as he walked across the streets of Diagon Alley and into the small shop that was almost secluded from sight. It would be his last purchase with money that had came directly from his father, and it was certainly not on what he had imagined spending the last few galleons he held in his pocket, but it was justice in a way. Poetic justice that the money his father had been so careful to keep from going into Muggle hands would be spent on just such a thing.

A/N: A big thank you to Camille, who has worked hard and pointed out to me a mistake I almost made J

Okay so there you go. I think things are definitely going to pick up speed a bit now. The time will pass quicker so the next chapters may jump weeks ahead. But I will give you warning first and hopefully it'll make sense as well! (well, we can but hope!)

I know I've said this loads of times before, but I have to say it again. I love getting your thoughts on this story. Your reviews really do make all the difference.

Thank you very much!

My nephew is just… gorgeous! And I had a great week away. Thanks for being patient with me.

Moldanubikum: I was so sorry to hear about your town. I hope that things will soon get as back to normal as possible in those sort of circumstances. I hope also that you haven't been too affected by it.

Thanks to:

CheroAngel, Gumlick the Rickmaniac, Elvensorceress, rechan, Angare, Kitten, Frini, Chary, Rugi, MCMish, Lan,

I hope that you all have a great day wherever you are!


	38. Come What May

Okay, this is the edited version! Much thanks to Camille for all her hardwork.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Snape sat on the edge of their bed. He gently lifted a lock of Meg's hair as he looked down at his sleeping wife.

He let the lock of hair play through his fingers, the strands falling to rest again on the pillow.

Her eyes opened sleepily, a yawn making them close again.

"Sev'rus?" her sleepy voice slurring his name slightly.

"Sshh!" He slid his fingers over her hair stroking gently. "I did not intend to wake you."

"I wasn't really asleep…" she mumbled, snuggling her cheek closer into the pillow and looking up at him with hazy eyes.

"Just resting your eyes…" a gentle hint of mockery colouring his voice.

"Contemplating the inside of my eyelids," she corrected and sat up. His hand fell from her hair to catch one of her hands.

"So how did it go then?" she asked, half of her not caring, half of her truly terrified.

"As I expected," he said quietly and turned her hand over in his to run his fingers down her palm.

"Which is…" prompted Meg.

"All monetary assets are frozen as from the date on the letter; although, it won't be made public until the baby is born. As for the manor, I have twenty-eight days to clear out any personal effects that I have acquired on my own merit, and then that too will be frozen until the birth of the child."

"Oh!" Meg watched him carefully for any sign of emotion, but his face was carefully blank. His eyes held hers, but all she could see in their dark depths was her reflection.

"So, in everyday terms, what exactly does that mean for us then?" She inched forward on the bed till she was kneeling beside him.

"We are technically broke." He smiled at her, but it was without humour.

"Oh." Meg frowned and sat back on her heels. "And the account in my name?"

"Your account will buy the house in Hogsmede and nothing more."

Meg frowned fiercely at their joined hands and sat back up on her knees.

"I was thinking… all the time you were gone actually. We don't need the house. We can stay here…"

"And during holidays?" He lifted one eyebrow. "I, for one, do not relish the thought of spending all my time here."

"We can't just blow the lot on a house, Severus. There are things we need to buy, things we need to put money by for…" Her voice started to rise.

"Well, your account holds twice the money you would be getting for your share of your house in Devonshire," he cut her off before she became too agitated.

"You mean buy Jack out?" she asked and sat back again. It hadn't even occurred to her.

"Yes, on one condition," he said darkly.

"What?"

"We sleep in the main bedroom and not your old room. I do not hold with climbing over the bed each night…."

"Well I…." Meg blinked as she processed the idea, "yes…I think… yes, Jack wouldn't mind I'm sure."

Snape could almost see her thoughts running through her eyes as they got brighter and brighter with the thought.

"Yes!" she finally said and clapped her hands together, "it's a great house, and the garden is just perfect for children."

Snape's eyebrows rose sharply at her use of the plural word, but he remained quiet.

"We could completely re-do things…"

"Only if you want to…" he said slowly. "There was a reason you wouldn't sleep in your parents room, wasn't there?"

"Well…other than the obvious. It didn't feel right. I would have to redecorate that room… I couldn't have it the same. I…"

"I understand." He nodded and slid his free hand around her waist to draw her closer to him. "Whatever you wish, it would be your house after all."

"My house?" She frowned up at him before she comprehended his meaning. "Oh no! No, it would be ours, Severus, like everything else in our lives, we share it. It's not mine and it's not yours. It ours."

He watched her as she spoke to him, her eyes flaming with determination, her hair in disarray from sleep.

"Merlin you're beautiful," he murmured and, letting go of her hand, he caught her face and kissed her firmly.

She sighed and melted into him, letting him move her across his lap and into his arms.

He raised his head, satisfied with the thoroughly kissed look on her face.

"You certainly know how to kiss," she said, a soft smile curving her lips.

"I know how to kiss you," he corrected and ducked his head to claim her lips once more.

Meg was out of breath when he finally raised his head again.

"It's going to be okay isn't it," she said, her hands curling into his hair, keeping it back from his face as he looked down at her. It was more a statement rather than a question but he answered it anyway.

"Yes, it will be alright." He cupped her cheek with one hand and ran his thumb over her slightly bruised lips.

"What were you going to tell me? Before you left you said you had things in mind…"

Snape narrowed his eyes in thought; he knew exactly what she was referring to.

"I had contemplated giving up teaching," he spoke quietly.

Meg's eyebrows shot up: of all the things she had thought he would say this wasn't it. Even in hindsight and with the knowledge that he really didn't like teaching, she still hadn't expected this.

"Give up?" she echoed, her surprise written all over her face.

"Is that so hard to imagine?" he mocked her gently, his black eyes glittering at her.

"Well," Meg blew out her breath on a sigh and grinned, "no, not really… just unexpected." Meg didn't have to ask what he had intended on doing instead of teaching, she knew his devotion to his cauldrons and his potions.

"I'm sorry." Meg let her hand drift down to cup his cheek, mirroring his actions.

"Maybe one day." He banked down any feelings, his face showing nothing of his inner anger at Odile or his disappointment of more shattered dreams.

"Maybe…" she knew the chances now were highly unlikely… her heart constricted with pain for him.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Megan. I made my choices a long time ago, and even if I had the chance to go back and relive my life, I would change nothing concerning you." He smirked wickedly down at her. "Except one thing…."

"What?" she demanded unable to hide the smug grin from her face.

"I would have taken you to my bed a lot sooner and I wouldn't have let you out of it."

"You charmer!" she giggled, her fingers stroking his cheek gently.

"It would have saved a lot of problems and wasted time," he replied, all humour gone from his face now.

"We've struggled all the way haven't we?" she said and sadness tinged her voice and eyes.

He closed his eyes and leaned into her caress. His shoulders sagged slightly as he allowed fatigue to overtake him momentarily.

"You're tired. Come to bed, Severus, we have time ahead of us to sort out plans." Meg drew away from him and slid off his lap. She stood up and turned slightly, her eyes caught by an object set in the middle of the floor.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing at the package wrapped in brown paper.

Severus stood up and crossed to the object which was about the size of a large chest.

"Open it and find out. I found it in Diagon Alley."

Meg crossed to the package and undid the string holding the pieces of paper together. The paper fluttered to the floor around a Mahogany crib.

Meg drew in her breath at the beauty of the simply carved crib. It had been carved from one piece and held delicate carvings of wood sprites and elves on the ends. The linen was pure white cotton edged with the finest lace.

"Oh Severus!" Meg covered her mouth with one hand as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She knew it was stupid to be crying over a cot, but it was so unexpected, so beautiful, like a rainbow after the rain.

Severus put his arm around her and drew her head down onto his chest.

"Apparently it has a stand that can be fixed to be stationary or rocking. I'm sure you will know what is best."

Meg gripped one edge of his black waistcoat and reached up to kiss him gently.

"It's perfect. How did you know it was the type I wanted?"

"Type?" Severus arched an eyebrow "There are different types?" he was mildly surprised.

"Well yes. There are the ones that can be converted into a single bed later, or the ones that fit onto the edge of your own bed…."

"Onto the edge of our bed?" Severus looked taken aback at the cot. "Why would you do that?"

"Well…" Meg stepped away from him and went to the cot to fix up the stand so that it rocked gently. "She'll sleep in here with us for the first six months or so…"

"Why?" The surprise was rapidly changing into horror.

"She'll need feeding quite regularly… it'll be easier if she's in with us; besides, it's supposed to cut the risk of cot death by half. Or, at least that's what the books say."

Severus blinked at the information she had just given him. He watched as she fused over the lacing edge, and it suddenly occurred to him that he knew nothing of what to expect.

"I'm glad I got the correct type," he said quietly, thinking that perhaps he ought to take a look through the books she kept beside her bed.

"It's perfect and it'll fit just right there!" Meg pointed to where her bedside cabinet stood.

"But the cabinet…"

"Can be moved…" Meg looked around the room with her eyes narrowed "There!" she announced and pointed to the far wall that held only a small chest of drawers.

Severus watched as she picked up her wand and, with a few swishes, the furniture was rearranged, the cot fitting perfectly beside the bed.

He blinked, sat down on the chair in the corner, and looked about him. He didn't know a thing.

Meg looked across at him and sat back on the bed.

"Severus? Are you coming to bed?" she patted the bed beside her and arched her eyebrow at him. "I haven't thanked you yet for the cot."

An evil smirk crossed his face as he immediately stood and crossed to her.

"Well now, that we have to remedy don't we?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Neville knew a bad mood when he saw one. He also knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"Of course I had nothing to do with it!" Senga all but spat into the container she was cleaning. "Stupid girl thinks that just because I'm a Malfoy that I'd poison someone just to play lousy Quidditch." She scrubbed at a spot that she had removed several scrubs ago.

Neville worked quietly at wrapping his new batch of Moonstone seedlings and listened to Senga moan.

In the weeks and months that she'd been helping him, they had formed quite an odd friendship. He wasn't quite a teacher to her, and he certainly wasn't a student. Senga had thought it over quite considerably when Hannah had asked why she kept going to see Mr. Longbottom. Hannah couldn't understand how anyone could even contemplate doing anything with plants except eat a few of them.

Senga had told Hannah that she enjoyed looking after the plants and helping in the gardens, but mentally she had also admitted that it was Neville himself that also drew her there. For awhile she had been stuck at how to file Neville in her own mind, until she had been sitting half listening to one of Hannah's week diatribes about her "wonderful" brother. And then it had hit her. Neville was like a brother to her, or at least the brother she would like to have. She had Damien as a brother, but he was younger than her and a true Malfoy by nature. He had delighted in finding new curses to throw at her, and Senga, being a strong believer in paying back what was owed, would curse right back. But she knew that there was no way on Merlin's earth that she could ever sit and talk to Damien the way she knew she could with Neville. So, in her mind, he became her brother, Neville; although, outwardly he was always Mr. Longbottom.

"I hate her. I really do, she was at it again this morning, chipping away, trying to get me admit to hurting Jenny. I ask you! The girl should have 'first class idiot' stamped across her forehead. She even heard Jenny herself say why she was sick, but she pays no attention."

"Why was Jenny sick?" Neville decided he'd risk interrupting her flow.

"What?" Senga frowned at him before putting the pot down and picking up another one. "Oh! She said she ate a whole bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans… Madam Pomfrey told her it was the mix of the Spinach, Orange and the Milk flavoured ones that did it."

"She ate an entire…." Neville echoed her words in wonder "Why on earth…"

"She's addicted to them." Senga supplied. "Or at least she was…" she snorted unkindly, "can't even look at them now without going green."

"Hum, poor thing." Neville, who knew the addictiveness of certain foods, could sympathise quite well, although a whole bag was beyond even him.

"Serves her right for being a pig!" Senga snorted again.

"That's not nice!" he said sharply, the disapproval clear in his voice.

Senga looked at him in surprise. He'd never openly been that hard with her before.

"But if she ate them, she has to deal with the consequences."

"If I might say, that's quite a Malfoy thing to say…" he looked up from his seedlings to see the colour drain from her face. Anger flashed through her eyes, but so did another emotion, one which overtook the anger.

"I've hurt you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to be hurt. It's just when you say things like that, that are hard and uncaring, it's not nice."

"You haven't hurt me," she said airily, her face composed again.

"If you say so," he said softly. "Senga, you keep insisting that they all judge you on your name. Don't give them a reason to judge you that way."

Senga looked at Neville in shock.

"You mean you think I did something to the beans as well…." She couldn't hide the pain in her eyes this time.

"NO!" he shook his head and set his seedlings to one side, "of course I don't think that. I know you wouldn't do that." He took the pot from her hands before she crushed it. "Would it be so bad to feel compassion for her?"

Senga stared down at her fingers and felt the threat of tears. She bit her lip, she would not cry; she would not let him see that he had hurt her.

"There's a really old saying 'you'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.' I think you might do well to remember it."

"I don't… I don't mean to be… unkind."

"_I_ know you don't," he smiled, "but I have the benefit of a few more years than the girls in your year. Plus, I have the added benefit of knowing other Malfoys and I can tell you now, you are not a Malfoy, not really. Not where it counts. But you have to try and think about how what you say affects others. Imagine how you would feel if someone said it to you. Think how you do feel when things are said to you."

"So I'm suppose to just let her accuse me and not do anything about it?" she sneered.

Neville shrugged and piled the pots she had cleaned into a container.

"Were you questioned by Professor Flitwick?"

"No."

"Did your uncle want to know if you had done anything? Or the Headmaster?"

"No," she shook her head at him

"Did Hannah think you did it?"

"Well, no, but I really…."

"So why would it matter what they think? The people who matter the most to you didn't for one moment think you had anything to do it. That's enough, surely?"

Senga looked at him and nodded as she understood what he was saying.

"It doesn't matter not really." She smiled and stood up, wiping her hands on her robes.

"You didn't think I did it either," she said quietly, wondering if he would understand she was trying to say that what he thought mattered to her as well.

"No," he smiled at her knowing what she was saying, "I wouldn't think that of you."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Meg ran her fingers once more over the edge of the cot and sighed.

It was becoming more real with each day that passed, the cot reaffirming that a tiny baby would be in their lives very soon. But even if Snape hadn't brought the cot, her own body was beginning to tell her that changes were underway.

Under the robes no difference could be seen, but she had noticed how her jeans were beginning to tighten ever so slightly. Not enough to warrant altering them, but just enough to remind her.

And now, when she lay down, her stomach no longer hollowed between her hip bones. It wasn't excessive, but it was there, a rounding that spoke of things to come.

The fear that had filled her had faded slightly. It still seemed such a long time away. Here she was standing at the end of November and May was a whole lifetime away. She shrugged and stood away from the cot to cross to her dressing table. She picked up her brush and sitting, began to brush her hair, ready to put it into its usual plaits.

Snape came out of the bathroom doing up the cufflinks at his wrists.

"There was one thing I forgot to mention to you…"

Meg looked at his reflection in the mirror as he sat down to put his boots on.

"What?" she asked warily.

He looked up at her and smirked arrogantly at her.

"Odile is going to regret the day she unearthed that clause in the will," he said dryly, the pleasure of causing his sister pain was evident in his voice.

"Why?" Meg turned on the stool to stare at him, the brush forgotten in her hand.

"Because it has backfired, and I believe rather painfully."

"What have you done?" she asked as a shiver of fear slid down her spine.

"Me?" Snape stood up and the coldness in his eyes unnerved her. "I have done nothing… much."

"Severus!" Meg frowned. "What have you done?"

"I merely informed Mr Slye that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"What?" Meg was completely mystified by his words. "Odile isn't going to get the money either, is she?" she said and she watched the smug look on his face.

He smirked, looking so confident and self assured. "No. She isn't."

"So, what will happen to it?"

"It will go to the next closet relative who fulfils all of father's criteria."

"And that is? Senga?" Meg hoped that the girl would be the one to benefit from Snape's loss, but she doubted it.

"Oh no, not Senga." Snape shook his head and came across to rest his hands on her shoulders. "Senga didn't stand to inherit any of it anyway. Inheritance goes to the first born male, or, if there are no males, then the first born female that marries."

"So, Odile will get it then."

"No, ordinarily it would then pass straight to Damien if Odile hadn't survived me, but as it stands now, Damien won't see it either. There are no other male relatives in the family, so the money will split between four charities that my father had outlined in his will had we not survived him."

"Do you know which charities?" Meg asked, a little intrigued by what he was telling her.

"The four main hospitals of the English, Welsh and Scottish Mediwizard association."

"You surprise me. I had assumed it would go to some underground cause."

"Too much publicity for that. I have no doubt, however, that he had no intentions of the money going to charity. He obviously didn't expect either of us to die before him, which obviously we didn't. But, then again, neither did he think that things would have happened as they have."

"You mean you spying for the ministry, marrying a Muggle born and getting her pregnant." She smiled up at him.

"That about sums it up. Are you almost ready, we have that staff meeting before breakfast."

Meg had forgotten about it completely and turned to quickly drag the brush through her hair. He stepped back and watched as she deftly plaited her hair and stood up.

"Ready!" she announced and he smiled at her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was as they were walking up the dungeon steps that Meg realised she didn't know why Odile wouldn't inherit the money.

"Severus? Why won't Odile get the inheritance either?"

He looked down at her and narrowed his eyes.

"You must not repeat this. She won't find out any of this until the child is born. I would hate to ruin the surprise."

"Of course!" Meg looked up at him and was surprised when he took her arm and drew her into the shadows behind a statue.

He cast a silencing spell around them and caught her chin in his fingers.

"I have already told you that Senga is not a Malfoy. Well, she is not pure blood either."

"What?" Meg was shocked and thankful that he knew her well enough to silence the air around them.

"She is the result of an affair between Tobias Holland and Odile Snape. Odile is as pure as you can get. Tobias was not. Tobias was unaware of this and so is Odile and so, I might add, is Senga."

"So… let me get this straight, Odile obviously didn't doubt that Holland was pure blooded but he wasn't, which means that Senga isn't pureblooded either."

"That's what I just said!" he said sharply.

"Alright, just getting it straight up here." She tapped her head and then caught the hand that was holding her chin. "How do you know this if Odile doesn't?"

He didn't blink as he looked directly into her eyes.

"It is something I have known for many years."

"But how?" she demanded

"I decided when I was quite young that the only way to truly protect yourself is know your enemy very, very well."

"So you did what? Spy on your own sister?" she blinked, knowing that it shouldn't really surprise her.

"As well as other things, yes. I made it my business to know about her affair with Tobias, especially when I overheard her telling Mrs Johns, the family Nurse, she was pregnant. I knew she had only just started seeing Lucifer so it couldn't be his, which only left Tobias. I decided to find out as much as I could about both men."

"Good grief! You can't have been that old, so young for such deception." She shook her head, she had known that he was adept at the Dark Arts before he arrived at Hogwarts, but how he'd got there hadn't really crossed her mind, or what else he'd been adept at. She thought about how Odile was going to take this news and realisation dawned on her.

"Severus! What have you done!" She looked in pure horror at him.

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"Senga. You'll have to tell Senga before Odile finds out."

"I intend to."

"If this gets out…. Severus! What will Lucifer say?"

"I have no idea, and I really don't care!"

Meg stepped back from him and frowned, feeling slightly sick again.

"But… this is bound to get out. You'll destroy her whole life. I highly doubt if Lucifer will stand by and let that kind of scandal bring him down."

"Probably not," he said calmly

"You'll split them up."

"No, I won't be splitting them up. Odile will be doing that all by herself by thinking she could provoke me."

"But what about Senga? What's going to happen to her? You'll split her parents up."

"From what I can gather, I doubt whether it will have any impact on her."

"Of course it will. How can you imagine it won't? She's human not a mannequin, Severus! You can't play with people's lives like that. You're going to destroy everything she's ever known."

Anger flashed across his face briefly before the mask fell into place.

"If lives are to be destroyed then so be it. As long as it's not ours, I don't care," he snapped darkly.

"But Senga is your niece and she's…" Meg was getting agitated now.

"Senga will stay with us. She is ours now. I have no doubt that Lucifer will disown her, and I mean to keep her!"

"Oh Merlin!" Meg covered her eyes with one hand and groaned aloud.

"Severus! Senga is not some piece of baggage that can be passed around as you will it. She's a living breathing girl and she has feelings and, despite what you might think, you are bound to hurt her badly in all this!" Meg backed away from him, needing space from the man she thought she'd known.

"I can't believe you'd do something this heartless," she cried out.

"Don't tell me you feel for Odile now!" he spat, angrier than she'd ever seen him,

"Of course not!" she sneered, her own temper rising, "but I do feel for Senga. You are going to hurt her if this happens."

"There is no IF. It is going to happen!" he snapped. "Where has the 'I would do anything to protect my family' ideals suddenly gone, Megan?" he sneered at her.

Meg raised herself up and glared at him.

"This has nothing to do with protection and all to do with your petty need to get even!" she grated. "She's kicked you so you have to kick back and go one better at the same time. You two haven't left behind your nurseries have you?"

His hands shot out and pinned her shoulders to the wall. He wasn't hurting her, but she saw the dark shadow in his eyes and true fear raced down her spine.

"Severus, what are you doing?" she whispered "What are doing?"

The shadow passed and he stepped back from her quickly, his hands dropping to his sides.

"Nemo Me Impune Lacessit!" he hissed and stepped away from her completely.

"You think this is revenge. You are wrong." He shook his head, his dark hair catching in his mouth. "You think I'm blinded by petty hate. You are wrong. I intend to make sure that she can never again try to destroy what belongs to me. You belong to me. The child you carry belongs to me. Senga belongs to me, and there is nothing I would not do to protect what belongs to me. She started this, but _**I**_ _**will**_ finish it."

He whirled around and continued up the stairs leaving Meg shaking as she clutched the wall.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N:

Due to a huge block in "the little grey cells" things came to a grinding halt. Like I've already said before, I know what's going to happen in the end I just don't know how they're going to get there. I don't actively write chapters ahead on paper. I just sit here at my little "puter (as my little girl calls it) and type. I always have ideas running around in my brain and these translate onto screen but recently the ideas kinda got jammed up in real life.

Things came together a bit but it was far to close to leaving to expect Camille who works really hard at Uni, to beta this for me.

So I apologise for glaring mistakes and ask for pity please.

A few things I forgot last time ( like my brain!) Excelsior, Snape's owl is Latin for

"Ever upward" and I thought it was the kind of no nonsense type of name he'd choose.

The title of this chapter and the quote Snape uses is "Nemo Me Impune Lacessit and I have nicked it from the Kings of Scotland. It is their motto and means "No one provokes me with impunity".

Having quite a bit of Scottish blood racing through my veins I feel quite entitled to helping myself to that piece of Latin. He He He.

Now onto more important things:

Thanks to everyone who reads this and doesn't immediately throw up. You brave souls.

So many of you are saying that you can't wait to see what Severus has in store for Odile. I'm biting my nails now, I'm sure that what he does isn't what you want to see. Sorry. The way I see it he'll stay inside the law until Odile challenges him face to face. I' am certain though that he won't let anything threaten him or what he views as his. He'll keep it legal as long as Odile doesn't stray too close.

Senator Lunarmouse: Great to hear from you. And well done! Being British I have no idea what a school senator is but it sounds great. Someone can always enlighten me!

September 11 was a mixed day here. We had the American flags at half mast and every time I saw one it made me stop and think. But what amazed me was the spirit that America shows. Especially New Yorkers. Humans are unique in our ability to get on with life and celebrate what we have, while grieving for what we have lost.

Chero-Angle: Thanks, as always you make me smile.

Martha and Squirrel : I was contemplating that and then thought that it was far to easy for Severus. He needs to know how the other class lives hehehehehe. Only joking

Kitten : The wizarding duel may yet happen as Odile has no idea what is going to hit her.

Frini : Remus will be back soon. And so will Sirius as I know he'll make things worse! Thanks for being my buddy!

Laura : Thanks for picking up my "deliberate"  mistake. I have so many song lyrics flying around the computer it kinda got a little confusing! Don't stop posting lyrics though I love reading them if not for this story then just for liking them!

Chary : I was in two minds as to whether to send him off but then he just turned up anyway. Even he isn't that unthinking, I don't think….

LittleA : Sorry it's taken me so long!

Wyltk : I was excited to see your name up here again! Thanks for coming back.

Moldanubikum : Sorry, I usually hate cliffhangers myself. But sometimes I get so into what I'm writing that I have to take a break just to get my breath back and re-enter real life before my family starves.

Eyebright : Odile is pronounced O-Deal. And yes I think Snape could be extremely cunning if he wanted too. Thanks for reading!

Nsngirl : Thanks for noticing the letter, that was hard to work out, and I'm glad it was noticed.

Rugi : Odile is about to get squished, I just hope it's the way everyone wants to see her squished.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading this. I just hope you enjoy it.

I hope everyone has a really great day wherever you are!

BTW I found this saying on the web the other day and I just love it so it's my thought for the day:

_**Do what you can, being what you are,**_

_**Shine like a glow worm if you can't be a star.**_


	39. It's only blood

_Come What May_

Severus Snape didn't shrink from responsibility easily, so ten minutes later he was sat in his usual chair by the fireplace in the staff room.

His legs were crossed and his fingers steepled below his chin; the usual frown on his face was darker and his lips were set in a firm hard line.

Meg almost didn't go, but her sense of responsibility kicked in and she slid into the staff room with just a few minutes to spare.

If Snape saw her, which of course he did, he gave no indication when she gave him a covert glance from below her lashes. She repressed a sigh and stayed close to the wall, avoiding any glances sent her way by the other staff members.

The meeting passed in its usual blur of monotony, and, as soon as it was finished, Meg slipped out of the room and hurriedly took refuge in the relative safety of her classroom. She couldn't face the thought of breakfast, not only physically, but also mentally. She needed time before she faced him again, time to sort things out in her own mind.

Meg was completely out of her depth with the situation she found herself in.

Her worry at their situation was now acerbated with her concern over how Senga was going to be affected.

How could she not be?

There was a very old saying that went "no one knows what goes on behind closed doors," and Meg knew it to be true. Goodness knows Severus was the pinnacle of that saying: cold and hard in public, but when they were alone together and the door shut to the outside world, a side showed that few knew about.

Severus assumed that because he couldn't stand Odile and Lucifer that Senga would be the same. But they were her flesh and blood, and her parents after all was said and done. Well Odile was anyway. It was just so complicated. Severus had said that Senga knew Lucifer wasn't her biological father, but he had never said how she had taken that news. She wished she'd asked now.

But even so, blood runs deep and the ties that bind children to their parents goes beyond logic, sense and sometimes even blood. Senga may not like what her parents do or what they are, but it still boiled down to the same thing: Odile was the only mother Senga had, and Lucifer the only father that she knew. That must surely count for something and he was waving it aside as if it didn't really matter.

Meg sighed and rested her elbows on the table, burying her chin into her hands as she stared out over the empty desks without seeing any of them.

But something else was catching at her, an underlying tension that kept edging into her mind: the look in Severus' eyes when he pinned her back against the wall.

She knew what kind of man he was; she knew deep down that he would never physically hurt her.

He had never raised his hand to her before, not even when he'd been extremely angry. But then he hadn't really raised his hands to her there. Not really.

She sighed again and shook her head slightly.

If she was honest though, it hadn't been his hands on her shoulders or the fact that he had pinned her to the wall that sent fear through her.

It was the shadow she'd seen in his eyes. It hadn't been anger, not the pure red haze that can happen. It had been infinitely colder than anger, calculated and precise and it truly terrified her.

He had never told her what he had done as a Death Eater under Voldemort's service. He had told her generalities but never actual hard facts. She could only guess what he had been capable of.

But if she was truly honest, when he had spoken to her, in the safety of Hogwarts and his loving embrace, it had seemed almost like fiction, far removed from the man she shared love and life with. Oh she knew he could be private, sarcastic, cynical and sometimes just downright nasty, but this she knew and excepted because that was what made the man. That was who he was; all wrapped up with the parts that made her love him.

But then, in a fraction of a second, she had seen something – a shadow – a reminder – a ghost perhaps, of what he had been; what he would never be again, of that she was sure. But it remained true that he _could_ be that way again, and she'd seen it in his eyes. It was still there, locked away in some deep place inside him.

But did that change anything? Did it really matter?

No, not to her. He was still the man she married, the man she would love till the last breath left her body. Things were no different. She had seen in his eyes something that she knew with certainty she would never see first hand but things were different as well.

So what made it so different from yesterday?

She knew now that Odile's power lay in her ability to unlock the darkest part of him.

Meg closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

The sudden rising noise of thirty or so students heading towards the classroom pulled her out of her thoughts and had her on her feet, facing the door before they arrived.

Not one of the students would ever tell by looking at her that inside she was confused and unsure.

Snape still sat in the chair by the fire long after the last teacher had left the room, his fingers still steepled below his chin, his face dark but blank to the thoughts racing through his mind.

His first class wasn't until later that morning, and it meant he could wait until then till he had to emerge from his thoughts. Breakfast didn't even enter his mind.

He'd seen the flicker of fear in her eyes. It had been what had made him step away from her.

Had she really been afraid of him?

He gave a mental snort at his inane question. Of course she'd been frightened of him. Only a halfwit wouldn't have been, and Megan was no one's fool.

He had been telling her only the truth, and if she didn't like it, well that was just too bad wasn't it?

He would move heaven and earth to protect his family.

Snape shut his eyes momentarily at his own thought process; his family, his wife, his child and his niece. A few years back and none of that would have even raised his eyebrow. But now? Now he realised that he would stop at nothing to protect them.

Megan had accused him of being petty. This had nothing to do with revenge. Revenge would be an added pleasure but it wasn't the driving force behind his actions.

He knew Odile; or rather he knew what she could be capable of. He knew that had he backed down and accepted the clause of the will without even trying to assert himself, then Odile would have taken it as a sign of weakness on his part, and he was certain that she would have gone in for the kill.

No, this wasn't revenge. This was protecting his back. He was almost certain that when it became common knowledge why Odile hadn't got the inheritance either, Lucifer would undoubtedly divorce her. Odile would loose all and every means of standing that could be used against him and his family. All, except her abilities as a Black Witch. He knew she headed her own coven, but he knew that the other witches in her coven were in good standing in society. None would risk their reputation in order to back Odile once she had been disgraced. Besides, he sneered, he had no doubt that the moment Odile fell there would be a pitch to gain her leadership over the coven. No, he was sure Odile would have no help from her coven, which just left her own individual powers. And here he was comfortably certain he could not only match her powers, but also exceed them.

Which just left Megan's reaction to him.

He sighed and moved a hand to wipe it over his face. He didn't want her to be frightened of him, but, then again, it had been something that he had expected to see from her long ago.

When they had first got together he had spent each day wondering if that would be the day when she'd wake up to who he really was. Time had buried most of his concerns, but nothing is ever completely forgotten.

So now she feared him, and it was the one thing he dreaded.

He heard the door open and he half turned in his chair, hoping to see her standing there.

"Albus." He turned back, glaring at the fire, as the older wizard came to sit opposite him.

"Severus. I have been meaning to speak to you…"

Snape looked up at the older wizard, but he was still watching the flames flickering in the fire place.

"About what?"

"Your rooms here. Am I to understand that Megan and yourself will be staying here through the term time after the baby is born."

"Is there a problem?" Snape frowned darkly at the man in front of him.

"Oh no, dear me no," Albus chuckled. "It's been a long time since we had a baby here." He stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Must have been just before the war in '45… bonnie wee thing…" He looked across at Snape and his eyes were sharp behind his half moon glasses.

"There is a point to this?" Snape raised one eyebrow, aware that the older man wasn't as nostalgic as he would appear.

"The point is… have you decided if Meg will return to teaching, or if I should start to look around for a replacement?"

Snape lowered his eyebrows into a dark frown.

"I'm afraid it's something which still needs to be decided upon."

"Of course, of course." Albus nodded his head, his eyes loosing some of their twinkle.

"Severus, I realise that certain turns of events have curtailed you somewhat."

Snape watched him carefully but made no move to speak.

"Will it still be in your power to realise your hopes at a future date?"

Snape wasn't surprised to know that Albus had guessed, or whatever it was he did so well.

"With what the ministry pays us?" snorted Snape. "You know as well as I do that it is enough to live upon and no more."

"It is enough to live upon, which is all you intended to do with it, wasn't it?"

"If you mean to say that I could still leave here and concentrate on my potions research, it would be impossible. If Megan were not with child, things may be different, but then this whole thing wouldn't have happened if Megan were not with child. So it's all a rather mote point," he intoned steadily, his voice deceptively soft, but Albus was the only person other than Meg who knew Snape very well.

"Not at all; things always find a way of working themselves out, don't you agree?"

"No."

"Well, just look at yourself; if asked just after you realised you loved Megan that you would be able to marry her, what would you have said? Or even this time last year, that you would get the wonderful chance of being a father?"

"I fail to see how fatherhood is 'things working themselves out.'"

"That's because you aren't one yet," Albus chuckled and stood up. "I would appreciate if you could talk to Meg about her position. I was going to ask her myself after the meeting, but she made a somewhat hasty escape."

He passed by Snape and placed his hand on Snape's shoulder.

"If you could talk to her before too long; it would be a shame to let things lie that need to be cleared up."

He left the room leaving Snape shaking his head at the old man.

Snape knew that last line had nothing to do with teaching at all. Very little got past the Headmaster.

He snorted as he remembered just how they'd both been at the meeting. It would have taken a blind man to miss the tension radiating off her. And, of course, it wouldn't be a huge leap of intelligence for the staff to figure out that he had been the cause of her tension. What else could it possibly be? He thought darkly, especially when he was an evil bastard.

He snorted loudly, this time in self derision.

He settled back in the chair and consulted his pocket watch. Her class finished in half an hour and then there would be fifteen minutes free between their next classes. He would put those minutes to good use and find out exactly what was going though her mind.

He closed his eyes looking to all the world as if he were sleeping, but his mind was far from asleep.

Meg watched the last student slip from the room and then she sank back down onto her chair and sitting back, fished inside her robes to the waistband of her jeans.

She tugged it slightly and groaned when undoing the top button was the only answer.

"Am I interrupting something?" came a soft voice from the doorway.

Meg jumped and looked across at Remus who was standing in the doorway, a smug grin on his face.

"Don't say it!" she grinned.

"Say what? Oh you mean 'expansion on the horizon!'" He chuckled and came right in to perch on the desk beside her.

"You are so mean to me," she grumbled and patted her tummy gently. "It's nature, or so Poppy tells me."

"Well, this is where I'm suppose to say that you're glowing; but, well you aren't," he added softly, concern edging his voice.

"Well, thanks a million Remus, cheer me up why don't you?" She glared down at jeans and tugged her robes across to hide her expanding waistline.

"Sorry," he shrugged, "what is it? You looked like death in the staff room this morning. Is the sickness back?"

"No, not at all," she sighed, "in fact it's gone completely. It's eighteen weeks next week and Poppy said it'd go around now. She's right."

"Good. So what is it then?"

"Aren't I allowed to have off days?"

"Yes," he said slowly, "but that doesn't stop me from being concerned."

"Oh Remus," she said and tears filled her eyes unexpectedly, "if only…"

"If only what?" he asked, puzzled by her reaction.

"Nothing," she sighed, "just being hormonal as Severus puts it. Give me something to smile about and I swear I'll smile."

"Okay then…" he tapped his fingers against his chin and then brightened. "Sirius is coming down next weekend."

Meg smiled and Remus winked at her.

"There, you smiled," he announced.

"Well, it is good news… for everyone who isn't called Severus."

Remus pulled a face and shrugged.

"I have no idea why those two don't get over their differences like adults. It all happened years ago… I know there were things done and said that were rather nasty, but all the same…"

"Grudges seem to be held onto tightly don't they?" she mused, her mind briefly flitting to Odile.

"I think that they'd be lost if they had to give it up. What on earth would they find to talk about that didn't involve Death Eaters and Dementors?"

"So much water under the bridge for both of them and yet not completely gone," Meg said softly, sadly.

Remus nodded and regarded the toes of his scuffed boots.

"Severus spent most of his life atoning for sins committed, and Sirius spent most of his life atoning for sins he didn't commit. I can see a problem there," he spoke quietly, but his voice was clear in the otherwise silent room.

"Just a little one… well can I just say that if you came down here with the idea of cheering me up, you've failed miserably."

"Sorry," he murmured, "still, they say misery loves company. Want to share some of that cordial in your cauldron over there?"

"Excellent idea," she laughed and got up to cross to the cauldron, closely followed by Remus.

Neither of them saw Snape standing in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest, his face giving nothing away of his emotions or feelings. He turned and walked away, the almost silent hiss of his cloak drowned out by their laughing chatter.

Meg was standing by the bed when he came in later on that evening.

She heard him and turned to watch as he came into the bedroom.

For the first time since their marriage, she felt uncomfortable, unsure of what to say.

He passed her and went straight into the bathroom, and Meg knew then that he was still annoyed with her.

She summoned up her wits and followed him.

He turned from where he stood by the bath and raised his eyebrows at her.

"Well?" she asked, at a loss for anything else to start with.

"Well what?" he asked and began to run the taps to fill the bath.

He stood in front of her and crossed his arms, frowning down at her.

"Well, are we going to talk about it or what?"

"Talk about what?" he asked slowly.

"Don't make things harder please," she begged and crossed to chair standing by the cupboard which held all the towels. She sank down onto it and rested her elbows on her knees and looked up at him.

"You know what I mean…" she said quietly.

"I know things have changed, haven't they," he spoke quietly as he switched the taps off and began to undress.

"No, nothing has changed. What do you mean?" She frowned at him.

He hung his frock coat on the door and began to undo the cufflinks at his wrists.

He didn't speak, just placed the cufflinks on the side and began to undo his shirt buttons.

"I know we've reached a stalemate where Senga is concerned," she said quietly.

"What do you mean by that?" he questioned and let his shirt fall into the basket by the bath.

"Well, you don't think Senga is going to come out of this hurt and I think she will. I'm not going to change my mind and neither are you. Are you?"

"If you mean am I going to stop anything I have already set in motion, then no, I won't. I can't, even if I wanted to, which I don't."

"I don't understand how you can imagine that she isn't going to be hurt when she sees not only her parents split up, but her mother disgraced in public. Not only that, you're ruining any chance she has of being accepted into that infernal thing you call society."

"It's never bothered you being half Muggle," he pointed out sardonically.

"I wasn't brought up to believe that bloodlines were the be all and end years of hearing those things are bound to have some impact on her, no matter what you want to think."

"Maybe, maybe not. We will show her that society isn't the be all and end all either."

"And that last public announcement came from Mister Life of the Party himself," she snorted in exasperation.

"Is there a point to your rudeness?" he snapped, his hands leaving the buttons on his trousers to rest on his hips as he glared at her.

"All I'm saying is that you're starting something that I don't think you know how far reaching the consequences are going to be. This doesn't stop at Odile, this will stretch right to Senga and onto her children, if she has any."

"For one who shouts aloud about the bigotry of keeping bloodlines pure, you seem awfully concerned with making sure Senga doesn't find out the truth. To which, I'm sure you have to agree, is her right to know."

"Yes, _her_ right to know. That doesn't include the whole bloody world, Severus! You can't do this to her."

"You are over-reacting, as usual. Senga will not fair badly from this, I promise you. Once she's with us…"

"And how the hell are you going to insure that?" yelled Meg jumping up, fired up with anger at him now.

"Pardon?" He all but snatched his shirt back out of the basket and rammed his arms into it.

"How are you going to make sure she comes to us?"

"Well, once Lucifer…"

"Aren't you assuming just a little too much? What if Lucifer really does love Odile?"

"What of it?" he sneered, clearly doubting that it could even be a possibility.

"If he loves Odile, really loves her, unconditionally, is he going to let her go? I know I wouldn't!"

"You are looking at it from a Muggle viewpoint."

"No I'm not," she gasped. "Merlin for someone who reckons they aren't bothered by bloodlines, you don't act it!"

"You know nothing of how pure-blooded wizarding society works," he snapped coldly.

"Don't tell me what I do or do not know, Severus Snape," she hissed. "How do you know what I know? I may have been brought up my Muggle mother, but I have eyes and ears. I have read and seen what wizarding society is like."

"You have read and seen. Oh, of course, so by that fact alone you clearly posses superior knowledge of something that I've had the unlucky chance to live with," he grated and, turning, swept out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

Meg followed him quickly.

"Alright, so I haven't lived with it like you have. But I do know what it's like…"

"No, you don't." He shook his head and, turning quickly to face her, he caught her shoulders in his hands. He was waiting for her to flinch, to jerk away in fear, but she merely glared up at him.

A half smile traced his lips, all anger momentarily forgotten as he stared down at her.

"So tell me then, oh wise one," she spat and his anger returned with force.

He let go of her and began to pace back and forth.

"For one thing, if Lucifer wishes to remain in his father's good books, then Odile will become a thing of the past. I expect she'll be paid handsomely for going quietly, and if she has any sense, she'll take what she can get..."

"Merlin that's cold," she cried.

"But the truth." He stopped pacing to stare at her distressed face. His anger lessened somewhat.

"You really don't know, Megan, believe me. You were brought up in a world where love meant everything and name and money nothing. I was brought up in a world where love, if found, was rare, name and bloodlines mean everything and money comes a very close second. Do you remember several years ago, you must have been still at school, there was a position for a Potions researcher to go to Romania and study the influences of Romanian Clavasteign on the Astaral Potion?" He saw her nod in confusion. "Your father was far the best candidate to go, but Ogalvi went."

"He never applied to go," she denied.

"Oh yes he did, and he was turned down on one reason alone."

Meg gaped at him in disbelief.

"My father was… he… didn't want to advance. He told us that himself! He said he was happy as he was, it would mean leaving us for long periods of time…" She saw him shrug.

"No." She shook her head, "That can't be. You don't jeopardise serious research by bad ideals! Not even the Ministry."

"It wasn't considered a priority. The potion was only for cosmetic purposes, not lifesaving; the resulting publicity would have put your father in the forefront."

"So you're saying that because dad married a Muggle, he was turned down."

"Behind the scenes, yes, of course that wasn't the official reason given. Although, I expect that your father knew all along why he was refused; that was probably why he never told you he had applied." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before turning once more to go back into the bathroom.

"That's too far fetched…" she began again, following him back into the bathroom.

"Is it?" He turned to her. "Take the Muggle world… you have that saying don't you… 'It's not what you know but who you know.' It happens everywhere, Megan. Society is what it is in every walk of life. You are either in or you're not, and there's very little you can do about it. Of course, these days in the Muggle world you can either marry your way into society or buy your way in… but that doesn't happen in the wizarding world. Money marries money, pure blood marries pure blood and if you don't belong to either…" he shrugged.

"But you didn't care!" she pointed out. "You married me knowing I was half Muggle."

"I'm not a Malfoy."

"No, you're a Snape," she argued watching as he took off his clothes and got into the bath to lie out full length.

He looked up at her.

"I think we can safely say that I'm not your average Snape." Self mockery evident in his voice.

"But hold on!" Meg shook her head and pressed her fingers into her temples, "This is getting way off subject here."

"Is it?" he said softly and shut his eyes as he slid under the water completely. He came back up and pushed his wet hair out of his face and lay back against the tub, wiping the water from his face.

"Yes, we were talking about Senga, not me or you. If Lucifer does divorce Odile, he may keep Senga anyway?"

Snape just sneered at her and shook his head.

"Okay, so she'd go with Odile, wouldn't she?"

"Possibly, but I imagine she'd rather be with us," he replied.

"And you imagine that Odile, after watching you destroy her chance of the inheritance and her marriage, is just going to sit back and let you take her daughter? I'd see you in hell before you took my daughter from me," she said sharply.

"That's the difference between you and Odile. I don't think there's much love lost between them."

"You don't think?" she asked incredulously. "Severus, can't you see what a huge chance you're taking on 'thinking you know?'" She sank to her knees beside the bath, her face level with his.

"Odile has attempted to destroy me. You accused me of being petty and wanting revenge, revenge is just a side shoot of this. Odile won't stop at disinheriting me. She knew the minute she laid eyes on you that I'm not the man she thought I was. She'll do anything to destroy me." Snape's voice was low and firm, the strength behind his words clear in the quiet of the bathroom.

"Why?"

"Because I can destroy her," he replied.

"I don't get it. I really don't," she sighed. "Why can't you just both leave each other alone and get on with life?"

"To understand you have to be a Snape. Megan, you are the gentlest person I've ever met. You won't let me kill the spiders I take out from here. You have known nothing except love… how can you know what hate and fear can do?"

"I do know," she whispered, "more than you think. I have known something beside love. Foreleven years I lived with hate, hating myself, and fearing myself. Dean Rider did things to me that I'll never forgive, but I don't want revenge on him for it."

"You do, in your own way. You want him to remain in Azkaban don't you?"

"Yes," she replied and sank her chin onto the bath edge, her eyes closed.

"That's revenge. If I were you, my revenge would have been more colourful. In fact I wanted to avenge you in a much more colourful way, but sense kicked in and I merely had the pleasure of breaking his wrist."

"His being in Azkaban is justice not revenge," she shook her head.

"They aren't a whole world apart, those two words. Revenge is the punishment of something done to oneself, and justice is according to what is deserved."

"You did buy a dictionary," she sighed and opened her eyes as he snorted quietly.

"He deserved to be in Azkaban, and he's being punished for what he did to you," Snape said simply.

"I wish it were that simple."

"It is."

"No, it isn't," she said. "Odile isn't going to see this as justice being meted out, is she?"

"I highly doubt it," he sneered.

"So why not just let things go. Just let it slid."

He looked at her and sat up, sloshing water out the sides slightly as he moved.

"She would think I was weak," he replied.

"And does it really matter what she thinks of you? I know you aren't weak."

"Oh, Megan, you're so innocent!" He frowned. "I don't care what she thinks about me, but if she thinks for one moment that I'm weak, unable or unwilling to defend myself and what's mine, what's to stop her from trying something else?"

"Like what?" Meg frowned.

"I don't know. It could be anything, even my job here. It could even be you she targets next, or the baby, and that I will not allow."

"I can't understand it, Severus. I won't pretend to understand, it seems so far from anything I can even begin to comprehend. So much hatred between family; it's unnatural. Family should stick together, love each other, and support each other. I don't think if I live to be a thousand years old and know everything there is to know that I will ever understand your family, Severus." She took a deep breath and stood up.

"I won't pretend to agree with you either. I think that people are going to get seriously hurt from this, but…" She backed away from him, her eyes sad and full of weariness.

"But?" he questioned lazily, his face blank, his eyes dark and watchful.

"Well, I don't know what's going to happen, what kind of hornets nest is going to be stirred up from this. But I love you, you're my family and I won't fight you on this. I'll back you, come what may," she shrugged, "for what it's worth." She turned and crossed to the door.

"Stop!"

She heard him slosh out of the water with none of the usual grace. She turned quickly.

"Have you hurt yourself?" she asked concern in her voice.

"No." He didn't stop to pick up a towel or even cast a drying spell. He walked straight up to her and caught her to him in a bone crushing hold.

"Severus!" She gasped as her face was smothered in his shoulder, water dripping all over her from his body.

He held her tightly, her body melded to his.

"Severus…" She raised her head away from the warm skin of his shoulder. "You're getting me wet."

"So what," he mumbled into her hair. "You have no idea…" he whispered.

"What?" Her arms went around him of their own accord as she relaxed into him.

"I thought you were scared of me."

"This morning?" she asked, already knowing that's what he meant.

"Yes."

She could feel his skin cooling under her touch.

"Severus, you're getting cold. Get dressed or get into bed before you get too cold."

"You weren't, were you?" he said, totally ignoring what she said to him.

"No, I wasn't." She sighed and pulled back slightly, but he wouldn't let her go completely.

"Well maybe for awhile until I thought about it, it's not you that scares me now…"

"What?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"I saw in your eyes…" She stopped and dropped her eyes to his bare chest.

He let go with one hand and caught her chin. He raised her chin until she met his eyes again.

"I saw what you were," she said quietly. "I saw what you could be again if you let her."

"I would never, never hurt you."

"That's not what I mean. I know you won't hurt me intentionally, but I'm scared she has the power to make you." She faded out under his gaze, her mouth going dry.

"She won't. Nothing will make me go back to the way I was."

Meg wasn't so sure, and he read it clearly in her eyes.

"But still you say that you'll back me, not truly believing that I won't become the evil bastard I was." He kissed her forehead and then her temples, water dripping from his hair down her face.

Tears coursed down her face to mingle with the water from his hair as he kissed his way down her temples and onto her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he whispered, "please don't cry."

"I'm not," she muttered as her arms clung tightly round his neck.

"Just trust me," he picked her up into his arms, "I promise I won't drop you, in any way."

"I do trust you… it's just…"

"What?" he whispered as he walked into the bedroom and over to the bed.

"I don't trust her."

"Neither do I, and that's why I have to do this. Trust me, Megan."

He laid her down onto the bed and knelt beside the bed. He brought his hands to her shirt and began to unbutton it slowly.

"I do. I just… I just love you too much to see anything happen to you now."

"They say love is stronger than hate. How can we lose when we have something as strong as our love for each other?" He eased her shirt apart and rested his hand on her stomach, his eyes taking in its new shape. His fingers caressed the skin over the swell that was slowly starting to appear.

"This child won't know about hate or fear," he whispered.

"I didn't think you wanted her?" Meg said and groaned, wishing she could keep her mouth shut.

"Wanting or not wanting is no longer an issue. She is there, despite how I feel." He looked up into Meg's eyes as his fingers drifted higher. "If she has half the beauty and capacity for love that her mother possesses, how will I not be able to want her?"

"Oh, Severus." Meg bit her lip as more tears filled her eyes.

"Ssh!" He bent forward and claimed her lips with his as his hands claimed her body.

A/N: Thanks to Camille for going through this for me and weeding out the many and varied spelling mistakes.

And thanks to everyone who is reading this.

I have to say that the title is inspired by the film Moulin Rouge, which I cried my way through again the other day while doing the ironing (what an exciting life I lead). So, in part is Meg's "I'll back you " line, although this is the way I think she'd go anyway, I filched the "Come what may" bit from Christian. (Ewan McGregor. Yummy!)

Things will definitely be speeding along in pace now. The groundwork has been laid, I think.

Hum…. Onto this:

Kate: Snape spoke Latin to Meg. It's the motto of the Kings of Scotland, and means "No one provokes me with impunity." I kinda nicked that line from Scottish history.

Penance: Thanks for leaving a review. It means a lot.

Mione: I was happy to see your name here! It gives me a big happy to see people reviewing from earlier chapters. It means that you've stuck with me from the beginning and haven't got too bored. Thanks!

Necrosia of the Moon and Night: I have to admit that I am looking forward to when Snape sees the baby for the first time as well. Should be…weird.

Elevenscorceress: I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. And it won't be long now before baby Snape makes an appearance.

Lova: Thanks for reviewing. Meg has a problem with the whole "inheritance thing" because she can't understand how one family can have so much enmity in it. To her, family is about sticking together through thick and thin. Backing each other up, cause when all else fails who else is there but family? But she's lucky that her family are loving, not everyone is that fortunate as Snape tries to point out to her. (I'm beginning to think that I take this all far too seriously! I'm talking here as if they really exist, weird, but in my head they do. Time for the funny farm I think) ;-)

Eyebright: I've posted up the corrected version of Chapter 39 especially for you! As for Senga understanding… hum… have to wait and see. :-)

TheChicChic: Glad to see you here and thanks for leaving that nice offer. I'll email you.

Dragonhaven: I'm a but nervous of you going back to re-read, obvious mistakes will jump out at you and might put you off….. as for Rickman….hum, I'm caught! He's who I see in my head when I write this.

Frini: Hiya! Sirius and Snape just rub each other up the wrong way, although I find it hard to write Sirius, as his past is bound to have a bearing on him.

Chero-Angel: Thanks. I have to admit I love writing his sarcastic moments. I have to admit to being a bit sarcastic myself, which annoys my husband no end. My dad, who was just as sarcastic, always used to say to me "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and only fools indulge in it!" Bless him.

Ketch101: I hope that missing your sleep didn't go bad with you. I'm really cranky if I don't get enough sleep, which with a two year old is hard! I'm glad you like my Snape. Thanks for saying you like Meg too. That means a lot to me. When I started writing this story I was new to the internet and to fanfiction sites. I had never heard of Mary Sues until I kept seeing them in peoples reviews. After much research and the horrible thought that I'd committed the ultimate sin, I found a website, can't remember where now, that gave you a list of twenty questions, if you got ten or more saying yes, your character was a Mary Sue. I was pleased that I only answered yes to about three. I can safely say Meg is nothing like me, except for maybe the eating!!!!

Moldanubikum: Thanks. I had a great holiday and now I need another to get over that one!

Chary: Thanks. You really made me feel good about this story.

Nsngirl: Thanks for becoming addicted. It gives me reason to continue.

MCMish: I don't think Snape expected Meg to see any problems with his ideas. To my way of thinking, he's quite arrogant and doesn't for one moment think he's doing something that Meg thinks is bad.

Alicia: I think for a few seconds Snape forgot who was in front of him. Meg's right when she thinks that Odile has the power to change him for worse. It's just a case of whether Snape is stronger than Meg thinks.

Rugi: I'm glad you agree that the darker side of Snape would still be there. I don't think love would purge what had been there from an early age. I have to admit to having a soft spot for Neville and Remus, which is why they are there.

Lan: I like your poem. Slow as I am, I had to read it aloud to get it properly. Thank you. I have a groupie! Yay and double yay!

Kitten: I wish, but thank you anyway!

Thanks to everyone who gets this far with your eyes still open and not supported with matchsticks. You rock!

Have a great day wherever you are and have FUN!


	40. Ironic

_Now you've found the light..…_

_The child before they broke his heart_

_Our heart, the heart that I believed was lost_

_So it's me I see, I can do anything._

_I'm still the child_

_'Cos the only thing misplaced was direction_

_And I found direction_

_There is no childhood's end_

_I am your childhood friend, lead me on._

_Marillion_

_Christmas_

Severus enjoyed the holidays, especially Christmas.

Not because of Christmas itself or at least not the Christian form it had taken in recent years. In fact, he found all the trimmings and trappings too gaudy, too ostentatious. No, he liked the peace and quiet that only the absence of children could bring.

Every year he would watch Filius, and whichever students were remaining, decorate the Christmas tree in the Great Hall. He had never expected to see his niece helping though.

Snape sat at the staff table now, watching as Filius charmed the decorations into place, Senga handing various bits and bobs to him as they went.

He couldn't quite see her face from the angle he was sat at, but her body language screamed that she was enjoying herself.

She even seemed to be talking freely to the tiny professor as he perched on the chair beside her.

Snape looked briefly down at his cup of steaming tea and added some more sugar to it. He looked up again just in time to see Senga charming the shiny star to the very top of the tree.

Pride shot through him at how confident she was, how sure of her abilities and her control. So like himself at her age.

He knew that he would have to talk to her soon about what would happen once Meg had the baby, would have to inform her that she wasn't quite what she thought she was. He wasn't worried about her reaction. He was certain that she would understand and indeed agree with him. He wasn't afraid of speaking to her either: he just wanted to make sure he chose the right moment. He supposed that today was as good as any other day.

He looked up as a clash and clatter filled his ears, making him wince.

The entire box of ornaments that Senga had placed on the end table had been sent crashing to the floor.

A tousled head of hair above a portly face came into view as Neville stood up, looking extremely sheepish.

Senga was giggling as she helped him pick up the ornaments. He had tripped over his own feet and crashed into the box as he had come into the hall. So like Neville.

Snape sneered and drained his cup before placing it down on the table and rising to go down to where Filius and Senga were still laughing with Neville.

"Still haven't discovered the true intentions of your feet I see, Longbottom," he sneered as he came to stand in front of them, arms folded in front of him as his hands gripped his opposite elbows.

"I was too busy admiring the tree, Severus," Neville winked at Filius, "looks great, doesn't it."

"If trees were meant to be adorned with baubles they would come equipped with them already, certainly less expensive," Snape said dryly.

"I think they were meant to be adorned, or they wouldn't have branches," Senga said thoughtfully.

Snape blinked at her and sneered as he saw her eyes flashing with humour.

"Clearly you would do well to learn more about Biology than Herbology."

"Only joking," she said, one eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other as she looked up at her uncle.

"Well, I like it. I think we've done a splendid job!" squeaked Filius as he sprightly leapt from the chair to the floor. "Thank you for your help, my dear." Filius flicked his wand and the box of ornaments levitated in the air.

"Do you want any more help?" she asked him quietly.

"No, no thank you, my dear, I'm going to the staff room now." He looked up at Severus. "Would you like me to put a little bit of mistletoe above your chair, Severus?" He grinned at him.

"I think I'll decline on that one, Filius," he smirked at the older wizard. "Never had to resort to it myself."

Filius went into peals of laughter as he left the hall.

Snape looked down at Senga as all traces of humour left his face.

"I am going to be walking around the grounds presently. You will come with me," he said quietly, no room for any argument in his voice. "Go and get your cloak, and I will wait here for you."

Senga recognised the change in him and shot off at once, her mind in a whirl.

Neville knew better than to question Snape about what he wanted with Senga. Instead, he moved to perch on the edge of the table and contemplate his feet.

"Will Senga be free after lunch?" he asked casually.

"Why do you ask?" Snape looked down at him.

"We were going to re-organise the third and fourth greenhouses. The Fungi section is completely out of hand!" He ran a dirty hand through his hair and sighed.

"She will be free," Snape said quietly and frowned.

"Okay. I could always re-arrange it if necessary."

"It won't be."

Neville opened his mouth to say something else when the door to the main corridor opened again and in walked Remus with Sirius.

Snape snorted under his breath as his eyes darkened.

Neville grinned at the men.

"Hello, I thought you weren't arriving until next week."

"Change of plans!" Sirius announced, not even bothering to acknowledge Snape's presence. "I'll be spending Christmas Day with Harry at the Weasleys."

"I'm going to my sister's for the day," Remus said, smiling at Snape who merely lessened his sneer slightly for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for Remus.

"Oh!" Neville looked slightly disappointed. "It's going to be even smaller than last year now!"

"Not going back to your gran's?" asked Sirius.

Neville shifted uncomfortably, which didn't go unnoticed by any of the men.

"She's not here this year. Not… here. I have to go and see about that delivery of Fundal Roots, Sally being away and all…" Neville began to babble slightly, something Snape hadn't heard from him in nearly five years. It alarmed him somewhat.

Neville jumped down from the table and shot out of the hall.

Snape narrowed his eyes on his retreating back and glared when Sirius decided to talk to him.

"See you still have an effect on that poor lad's nerves."

"He was fine until you arrived, Black. Maybe you're the cause, understandable of course," Snape snapped back.

The door opened again and Senga came in clutching her cloak in her hands.

Snape strode towards her without a backwards glance at either man and lead her back out into the corridors. Any slightly good mood he may have had had disappeared at the sight of Sirius.

"What are you going to do?" asked Senga as she fell into step with him.

Snape grunted as they stepped out into the cold morning air.

There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground, and the path that lead to the lower lawns was fresh with snow that hadn't been walked on. Senga gave in to the desire to make as many sets of footprints as she could.

"What on earth are you doing?" he finally asked as he watched her walking forwards and then very carefully walking backwards into her own steps leaving only one set of footprints going forward.

"See… it looks as if I've only gone forwards… not back again. I read it in a book that Hannah leant me; it was how these people made some kids think they were still in the house: they were trying to spook them away so they could steal something."

"Pleasant reading, and why, pray tell me, do you feel the need to be able to undertake this?" he asked dryly.

"I don't know." She stood perfectly still watching him walk forwards. She had partially forgotten whom she was with in her excitement to be outside in the snow.

He stopped, aware she was behind him and not walking. He turned and saw her standing in the snow, her long cloak covering her school robes, her head partially hidden inside her hood. If he didn't know better he could have mistaken her for a boy, could have mistaken her for himself.

"What's the matter?" he asked impatiently, more annoyed with himself for being so fanciful.

"Are you going to send me back to Mother?" she asked quietly, her face hidden in the shadows of the cloak.

"What makes you think that?" he returned, stepping towards her.

"You want to say something to me, don't you? That's why you wanted me to come with you."

"Yes, I do want to talk to you, but I am not about to return you to your mother. I thought I made myself quite clear before!"

Senga raised her head and he saw her face for the first time, clearly saw the shadow of fear in her eyes.

"It does have to do with your mother though."

"What?"

He stopped and stepped closer again.

"I think perhaps we should sit down on the bench." He pointed to where stone seats edged the lawn leading down to the lake.

Senga crossed to perch on the edge of one.

"Senga, what I have to tell you is somewhat serious."

"She's dead," she said unemotionally, her voice completely blank.

Snape's head snapped up in surprise.

"No, of course she's not dead. What ever made you think of that?"

He heard her sigh as she sat back on the bench and huddled closer into her cloak.

"She's far from dead," he said dryly. "What I have to tell you I'm not even sure she is aware of."

Senga looked up at him, her brown eyes reflecting nothing.

"You remember that I told you several summers ago that Lucifer Malfoy was not your true father?" he waited and, seeing her nod, decided that was good enough for the moment.

"Your real father was Tobias Holland, as you are aware, but Tobias wasn't pure blooded." He waited again to see if she made the connection.

He saw the penny drop, but her emotions were quickly hidden behind blank eyes.

"Oh." She turned her gaze back to the lake.

"I need you to keep this quiet, Senga, especially from your mother."

"She would know though," she spoke quietly, her voice colder than the air around them.

"She doesn't, and she can't find out."

"I understand," she said quietly. "Is that all you wanted to say?" She stood up not facing him. "I'm suppose to meet Mr. Longbottom in the greenhouses."

"Well, yes it was." He wasn't happy: he had expected a lot more response from her. "Senga, sit down."

She sat down, her hands clenched in her lap.

"Do you not have any questions?" He frowned at her, watching her retreat into herself.

"No." She shook her head. "I know what it means. It means that I am not pure blooded either."

"No, you are not." He resisted the urge to shift in his seat. He was uncomfortable with this.

"I will say nothing."

"Senga." He lifted his hand and flicked her hood back from her face. She looked at him, but her eyes were blank.

"I am…" he stopped and took a deep breath. "I want to know how this makes you feel."

"Why?"

He hadn't been ready for her to question him; a brief surge of anger flooded through him before he harnessed it in and, instead, put his finger under her chin and lifted her face slightly.

"You look remarkably like your mother and yet… you are not like her at all."

"I must bear my fathers genes too," she said quietly, her eyes cast downwards even though he tilted her chin.

"Yes, you do, you have his eyes," he spoke softly, keeping his voice low and even. He wanted her to relax with him, to tell him what she was really thinking. He needed to see her eyes.

"Look at me." His voice compelled her to obey, and he saw clearly the pain in their depths.

"You are hurt. Why are you hurt? Does it upset you to find out you are not pure blooded."

"No." Her voice began to waver slightly.

"It means nothing to me. Or your aunt," he said, and was surprised when she wrenched out of his grip and backed away from him on the seat.

"And why should you even care?" she said sharply. Every emotion showed clearly on her face before she got herself under control and her face once more became impassive, only the shadow of pain remained in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to speak out of turn, Professor Snape." She got to her feet, but he was far quicker than she was.

He gripped her upper arm tightly and tugged her to sit back down.

"Why would you imagine I wouldn't care?"he demanded angrily. "I am your uncle."

"Blood," she whispered, "it's only blood and not all that pure as it would now appear."

He stared at her; she sounded so grown up, her words; the bitterness in them far removed from a fourteen-year-old.

"It makes no difference, Senga," he said quietly. "If you were a Squib it would make no difference to me."

"How can you mean that?" she said looking up at him, her eyes shining now with repressed tears.

"How can I not mean it?" He didn't blink as his black eyes pinned hers. "Your blood may not be pure wizarding blood, but have I ever given you any indication of that mattering?"

She shook her head slowly as she stared at him.

"You aunt is a proven factor of that matter. Your aunt is also half Muggle. Her mother was a Muggle, but it has never made any difference to me."

Senga wiped at her eyes vigorously before looking back at him.

"Mother will not be pleased."

"No." He nodded, his hair falling around his face, his breath condensing on the cold air.

"I will not tell her, ever," she said quietly.

Snape's frown deepened.

"She will find out eventually."

"How?" Senga looked at him puzzled.

"I'm afraid there is a clause in the Will of our father that states if either your mother or I were to marry or have offspring that wasn't pure blooded then we would not inherit."

She looked blankly at him, and it suddenly came home to him that she was just a child: underneath the hard exterior that she portrayed, she was still just a child.

"Because I love your aunt and she is having my child, the inheritance automatically is taken away from me. Under ordinary circumstances it would go to your mother but…"

"Because of me she won't get it either." Senga realised with a jolt what he was saying.

"Yes," he nodded, watching her face carefully.

"She isn't going to like that," she said blankly. "In fact, she's going to hate it."

"I'm afraid there is nothing that can be done about it."

"So why don't you want her to know yet. Surely she'll find out…"

Snape narrowed his eyes. He had already decided just how much he was going to say to Senga about his reasons, but he hadn't anticipated her reaction. He had assumed she would nod understandingly and not give a damn. Megan had, it appeared, been right.

"She will find out. I just didn't want it coming from you. It would be better for her, and you, to hear it from me."

"I doubt she'd believe me anyway," she shrugged. "So what happens now?"

"Nothing."

"So…" she closed her eyes briefly and then looked at him. "And it really makes no difference to you?"

"None," he said softly, his voice and eyes reflecting his honesty.

Senga nodded, she needed some peace to digest what he had told her.

"No matter what happens, you will always have a home with us, Senga."

His words brought her attention back to him as he stood up.

She stood up as well and fell into step with him as they turned to go back to the castle.

Senga was a whirlwind of mixed emotions. She looked secretly up at her uncle. He was a lot taller than her, darkly forbidding in his black cloak, his black hair obscuring part of his face as he walked. She heard the rumours around school, heard what the other children said about him, and he was her uncle. He had just told her in not so many words that he cared for her. She really hoped that would be enough. She slipped her hand into his cold one as they walked along.

Snape felt her cold little hand slide into his, and he almost jumped, almost snatched his hand away. But her fingers curled around his palm and he felt his own hand curl around hers, almost of its own accord. Almost.

He wasn't certain when a sense of duty toward her had turned into affection, or when affection had crept into love. Megan. It had to be Megan's fault. He was sure that if Senga had arrived before he had met Megan then he wouldn't ever have responded like this.

Or would he?

Megan hadn't created in him the ability to love and care for someone. That had always been there, deeply hidden maybe, but there all the same. Megan had just awoken something he had never thought he would see again: his heart.

Senga was his niece, and he was certain that even if he hadn't loved her, his sense of duty would have made him look after her.

Megan was his light. Because of her he had found his direction again. She had pieced his heart back together, but it had always been there.

Senga was so unlike her mother and so unlike himself and yet, there they were, both of them looking at him out of her brown eyes. He saw himself as a child, and he saw Odile, and he saw Senga too. And it was Senga that he loved. The girl partially hidden behind her name and her heritage, the girl who would spend so much time talking about nonsense with Hannah, the girl who spent her time with Neville Longbottom, someone who Odile wouldn't even consider human. He was caught. Just like her aunt, she had sneaked in without him noticing and claimed his heart. Love was a complicated thing and something, he had found, that you couldn't fight against.

He tightened his grip around her hand.

"And she took it that well?" Meg frowned as she stood in front of the mirror, turning sideways and holding her robes tight against her bulging stomach.

"Not at first," he reflected, not looking up from his pile of holiday marking. "She was very upset at first. I think she thought that it would make a difference to how we felt about her."

"Why would she think that?" demanded Meg, ready to go straight up there and talk to Senga.

"I have no idea, but before you decide on running up there, I have set her straight on that matter." He smirked slightly as he slashed a long red line through someone's work.

"I hope so."

"I know so," he replied and pushed the last scroll to one side. He looked up at her and his eyes drifted to her stomach.

"Have you seen what Jack gave me this afternoon?"

"Something inane?" he drawled lazily.

She poked her tongue out at him and, picking up a bag from the floor, drew a T-shirt out of the bag.

She held it up in front of her and turned to face him.

He took in the big black arrow that pointed to her stomach with the words "Under Construction" printed above it.

He snorted loudly and stood up to cross to her.

"Only your brother could come up with something as ridiculous as that," he sneered as he took her in his arms; the T-shirt crushed between them.

"I thought it was cute," she defended.

"You're hormonal."

"Word of the month again, Severus!" she laughed. "I swear, if I hear you say that word at me once more, I'll scream."

"But it happens to be true," he replied.

"We're getting off topic here, which, I admit, is my fault." She smiled up at him. "So, what did Senga say then?"

"Not much really. She seemed to take the news of her bloodlines quite hard."

"And this surprises you? I thought you were smarter than that, Severus," she scolded him gently.

"Don't!" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't try to make me feel guilty, Megan. I refuse to feel guilty over protecting my family."

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Severus, I just can't see why you think she'd just nod her head and say, 'oh okay then' and breeze off happily to play in the dirt with Neville."

"Which, actually, isn't far from the truth: she spent the afternoon helping him clear out his greenhouses, and he would have said something to you if she wasn't up to her usual self."

"True!"

"By the way," his frown deepened, "where is Longbottom's grandmother this year?"

"Is he staying here then?" she asked surprised. "I thought he was going there on Christmas Eve. Oh, I hope everything is okay." She slid her hands up to his neck and began to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"I expect so…"He felt her tense, and her hands fell to her stomach as she stood back from him quickly.

"What's wrong…" he demanded.

"I think she moved," she said, and a big smile covered her face. She gripped his hand and pressed it to her stomach.

"Feel?"

"No," he replied.

"Wait….there! Feel it?" she demanded.

"No," he replied again. "I think perhaps it's too small for me to feel it yet." He watched the look of delight on her face. "What did it feel like?" He was intrigued by the look.

"Sort of weird." She screwed up her nose as she searched for the right words. "Y'know when you get butterflies in your tummy when you're nervous, sort of like that but stronger somehow, more solid."

"I can't imagine," he whispered and drew her back against him.

She slid her arms around his waist and held him, her head resting on his chest.

"Senga is going to come shopping with me on Saturday by the way," she spoke quietly, content to be in his arms.

"Where?"

"Hogsmede, I don't fancy the trip to Diagon Alley in this weather."

"Do you wish me to walk down there with you?"

"No, don't worry. We'll be okay, unless you want to come shopping with us."

He snorted and kissed the top of her head.

"I'd rather have my toenails removed."

She laughed quietly and hugged him closer.

"It can't be that bad surely."

"No. Far, far worse," he assured her.

Meg stood at the window in the staff room, just looking out over the forest. She loved the way the trees were covered in a light sprinkling of snow. More snow had fallen overnight, making the castle and grounds of Hogwarts look as if it had come straight from a fairy tale.

She wrapped her arms around herself and pressed her nose to the glass watching the birds flying low over the forest.

"Knut for them?" came a soft voice from beside her.

She turned and saw Sirius standing beside her, looking out the window.

"I was just thinking how pretty it looks," she said smiling at him. "Like icing sugar on a cake."

"Hum…not sure it would taste as nice though," he laughed and sighed as he perched on the window seat beside her.

"So, what have you planned for today then?" he asked.

"Not much. Senga and Severus are going to spend the morning flying. I ought to have a look at my plans for next term's lessons."

"Ah… plenty of time for that. Remus is busy packing to go to his sister's."

"You're packed already, I suppose."

"I don't take much with me," he grinned. "I guess years of relying on practically nothing has stuck."

She looked at him closely and saw the shadows that still remained under his eyes.

"It must have been hard."

He looked at her, and she was taken aback by the pain in his eyes.

"Some things you can't forget," he smiled and the pain was replaced by humour. "Fancy a game of Wizard's Chess? Remus tells me you like playing. He says you're quite good."

"But then Remus can't pay for toffee" she laughed. "He's even worse than I am, if that's possible! I couldn't play at all until Severus taught me. I still have never beaten him though, even when he plays and marks his scrolls at the same time. I can't quite get the hang of thinking three moves in advance."

"More of a here and now girl are you?" he laughed and moved off the seat to cross to where the chess sat on the table between the two chairs by the fire.

"Yep, that's me. In the moment only!" she laughed, joining him.

He tapped the board and all the pieces immediately went back to their opening positions.

"I don't suppose someone was playing that game."

"The board will go back to the way it was when we're finished," he said softly. "You be white," he added.

"Okay. Um… Pawn F3." She watched as her pawn moved forward.

"Pawn E5." His pawn moved forward two places.

"King's Bishop G4." Meg's bishop trotted forward obediently, but it was shaking its head sadly and muttering about stupidity.

"Oh Merlin!" she cried out aloud as soon as she saw her piece move forward. "I've done it, haven't I?"

"Well, I can certainly see your problem with forward thinking…" he laughed. "Queen H4. Check mate." He laughed again and she watched sadly as her King dropped his sword and fell forward onto his face, glaring at her all the time.

"Fools' Mate," she whispered sadly. "That was how Severus got me on the first game I played. It would seem I don't learn from mistakes either."

"When was the last time you played?" He tapped the board and all the pieces stood up and hurried back to their original places.

"Quite awhile ago now. We've been too busy lately…" she shrugged.

"Well, come on then, let's try again and don't fall for Scholar's Mate either," he laughed.

"Well, don't make me move my pieces that way," she grinned.

He rolled his eyes and turned the board so he was playing white now.

"There, now you can't possibly…" He saw the look on her face, "alright, so maybe you could…" He gave up and moved his first piece.

Sirius won the first five games very quickly, but, as they played, Meg got more and more confident in her playing.

"I'm surprised that Severus plays with you," he said finally.

"Why?" She didn't look up as she searched the board for his trap. She saw what would happen if she moved her Queen as he wanted her to do and 'castled' instead.

"He could never stand to play anyone who couldn't at least give him a certain level of challenge."

"I'm not that bad… well, alright then, but Severus never complains. He's very patient with me actually. And unlike some, he's never laughed at me." She looked at him pointedly.

"Ah, but I'm not laughing at you… with you," he corrected slyly.

"Hum." She grinned at him.

"Do they still hold the Chess Classes here after lessons?"

"Yes, Minerva takes them, Wednesday Evenings."

"Minerva? She still doing it? Now there's a damn good player. She's a strategist, thinks more than three moves ahead, never wastes a move and goes straight for the kill. I've never beaten her!"

"You sounded just like Severus then. Although, I believe he has beaten her occasionally."

"Don't," he said sharply. "I do not sound like Snape, and I never will."

"Alright! Keep your hair on. I was just commenting." She rolled her eyes at him "What is it with you men? Can't you let bygones be bygones."

"No." He shook his head. "He hates me and I hate him. Simple as that. He's a sly devious snake that…"

"Do you mind? He is my husband you know," she pointed out, her eyebrows raised.

"Sorry," he said quietly, "but it's probably best if we don't discuss him together. We will never agree, and I wouldn't want it to spoil our friendship."

"Agreed. No Severus talk from now on," she said sadly. "Gonna be kind of hard since I live with him though…"

"How on earth do you…" he stopped and instead concentrated on the board. He gave a quick laugh of triumph and moved his Bishop.

"That's not fair!" she declared as she saw she was helpless to defend her King without sacrificing her Queen.

"Too bad!" he declared. "Checkmate!"

"I give up," she muttered and sat back, her hands resting on her stomach.

Sirius grinned smugly as he tapped the board to resume the positions they were in when they sat down. He sat back and his eyes fell to the bump under her robes.

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

"He's one lucky bastard, I'll give him that," he said bitterly.

"What?" she looked up, surprised at his words.

"He has everything, doesn't he?" he said sharply. "A wife that obviously would walk over hot coals for him, a child on the way…" he shook his head and the grin was back in place. "Don't mind me; getting all silly."

"You want to get married?" she asked in surprise.

"Can't, you're already married," he grinned cheekily.

"Silly! Not me. In general…" she laughed, and then her grin faded as something struck her. "You love someone, don't you?"

"It was a long time ago," he said vaguely.

"Before… before." She stopped unsure what she could say in front of him.

"Before I got screwed by a rat? Yes." He nodded and ran a hand through his long black hair.

"Where is she now?" she asked quietly.

"Still where she was. She lives in a tiny village in Surrey, runs a Muggle shop selling crystals and spells…. She always was one for trying to connect the two worlds together." He grinned, as his memories were obviously good ones.

"Married?" she asked quietly.

"No." He shook his head.

"Have you seen her since you were given an Unconditional Pardon?"

"Not to talk to."

"Why not?"

He looked at her as if he'd just realised he'd said far too much.

"It's okay. I won't tell Severus anything, or anyone else for that matter."

"I don't know.. I." He stopped obviously feeling uncomfortable, "we were children really. Childhood ended a long time ago. We grew up…"

"But if you don't try, you'll never know," she said quietly, her heart aching for him. It hadn't occurred to her before, probably because she'd never sat and thought about it, but his time in Azkaban had all but destroyed more than just his life. It would have affected other people as well.

"I suppose. I don't know…" He stopped again and she saw from the look on his face that the matter was closed. Meg knew when to shut up, well sometimes she did, so she didn't say any more.

"What say we put away the chess set and you walk with me to see whether Remus has decided how many sweaters he'll need?" he asked cheerfully.

"Done," she said and stood up.

"You'll need a crane to get you out of your seat soon!"

"Tell me about it. I've been having long conversations with my feet in the knowledge that I won't be seeing them for awhile very soon."

"I'd like to see that. St. Mungos would be happy to see you if anyone catches you talking to your feet!" He grinned, holding the staff room door open for her.

"Neville talks to his plants, so does Sally. Goodness, I'm sure that Sally even cuddles a few of them!"

"Point," he laughed. "Okay, I'll shut up about how insane you are."

"Thank you."

"What on earth is that?"Snape demanded, watching Meg wrap Senga's present.

"It's make-up, but there's some of those temporary tattoo things that kids love so much these days."

"And how do you know Senga will like that?"

"She's a girl," pointed out Megan, "besides I over-heard her talking to Hannah about some they'd seen in a magazine."

"Over-heard?" he asked, raising his eyebrows high.

"Yes, Severus, over-heard! Although, I have to say you can't say much! You eavesdrop on the pupils openly," she laughed.

"With the way some of those idiots plot their own destruction, someone has to keep an eye on them," he replied sharply.

"And here was me thinking you didn't care about them."

"I don't," he snapped. "I have no wish to see the school damaged in any way by their idiocy."

"Ah, come on Severus, you can't kid me. You love them, really," she smirked.

"I will not even deign that answer with a reply," he snorted angrily.

"Well what about Senga," Meg pointed out slyly.

"What about Senga?" he asked darkly.

"You love her," she stated quietly and waited.

He sat there for what seemed like hours before he replied softly, "Yes I do." He drew in a deep breath. "And yes, before you jump on it, I do know she is a child… but she's… different."

"Yeah," Meg nodded knowing she'd backed him into a corner, but she didn't feel guilty about it.

"Have no doubt though that she's the only one. A minority!"

"Of course sweetheart," she said quietly.

"Don't sweetheart me. I know you're sat there feeling very pleased with yourself for getting that out of me," he growled half annoyed half amused.

"Well, I'm not going to say 'sorry' if that's what you're after. Now, where's my present?" she asked him

"You think you deserve anything after that little performance?" he demanded, watching as she got up from the desk and crossed to sit opposite him, a box in her hand.

"Of course, it's not about deserving, it's because you love me, right?" she smirked.

"Don't push it!" he growled at her, his eyes shining with humour.

"Here's yours." She indicated the box cheekily before winking at him.

He smiled and stood up in one graceful movement and crossed to the desk. He rummaged around for a few minutes before returning with a box smaller than the one she held in her hand.

He held out the box to her and took the one she had in her hand.

"Open yours first," she prompted, itching to open her own, but she wanted to see his face when he saw her present.

He sat back down on his chair and began removing the wrapping paper till he could lift the lid of the box.

Inside, nestled amongst a bed of green silk lay a round object that glinted gold and silver.

"Is this what I think it is?" he asked as he carefully drew the ball out of the box.

"Depends on what you think it is," she said quietly, watching his face anxiously.

He said nothing as he held the ball up to the firelight. Rainbows danced from the ball, chasing around the room until they centred back into the ball, giving it the appearance of it being on fire itself.

"A Spell-Catcher," he said quietly and looked at her over the top of the ball.

"It won't protect you from everything that Odile can do, but it'll protect you while you sleep."

He closed his eyes and sighed before sliding to his knees in front of her. He caught her hands, taking the box from her and placing it on the floor.

"It's not much of a present, I know, and I do have that book that you wanted… well it was suppose to be here. I think the owls have been delayed due to the snow, but I'm sure they'll…." He cut her off with his lips, his hands letting go of hers to move up to cup her cheeks, he held her so gently as he kissed her slowly and possessively.

"You have no idea how much I love you, do you?" he whispered. "Everything you give me is special and precious to me. And this is more so because it tells me something of how you care for me."

"I love you," she said seriously, "more than anything. You are everything to me, Severus." She kissed him deeply, her arms going around his neck.

They sat there for several minutes, not saying anything, just holding each other.

Meg drew back and smiled at him slyly.

"So, what's in that box there?"

"Open it and look," he smirked, sitting back on his heels to pass her the box.

She ran a finger over the black velvet that covered the box and then lifted the lid.

Two rings lay inside. Both were white gold bands encrusted with jewels. One was rubies and emeralds and the other was encrusted with fire opals.

"They're beautiful…. two?" She looked up at him as he took the box from her hands.

"It's a Muggle tradition, or so I'm told." He lifted out both rings and took her left hand. He slid the ruby and emerald ring onto her ring finger so it lay beside the ring he had given her on their wedding day.

"This one is an Eternity Ring," he said softly before planting a kiss on her finger over the ring. "It symbolises how long I will love you for." He heard her breath hitch at his words.

He took the other ring and, taking her right hand, slid it onto her corresponding ring finger.

"And this one is your Maternity Ring," he said quietly.

"They are beautiful." She held up her left hand and let the fire light catch the stones, then she lifted her left hand.

"I love Fire Opals," she whispered.

"I know," he replied as he drew her down onto the floor beside him.

"How?" she asked frowning at him. "I've never told you."

"Haven't you?" he answered vaguely before skimming his hands down her arms to the edge of her jumper.

"What are you doing?" she laughed.

"If you don't know by now, there is no hope of you ever knowing!" he smirked and, before she could blink, her jumper was removed over her head and lay in a heap beside them.

"And what if Senga decides to come in looking to see if she has any presents?"

"Hum… point!" He leant across to where his wand lay on the table by the chair and locked the door with a complicated spell.

"Better?" he smirked as his finger dancing across her skin made her shiver.

"Much." She smiled before melting into him.

A/N:

I'd better just say this first. The Spell-Catcher is a direct filch from a Dream-Catcher, but then you probably already realised that!

I hope that you've enjoyed this and that it still makes sense.

Thanks to everyone who's reading this and thanks to everyone who leaves reviews. It makes my day to see how people react to this story.

I re-read your reviews several thousand times and I enjoy it every time!

Now onwards to replies:

Laura: Okay I have to say this chapter should be dedicated to you as you must have read my mind, I hope this clears everything up for you. It's funny cause I had it all mapped out how he was gonna deal with Senga over the blood lines and even have him admit that he loved her and then I read your review and thought…. Opps! Perhaps they should have had this conversation sooner. But I just didn't think Snape was ready to admit to her and himself just how much he cares for her. Up till now he's viewed it more like his duty because she shows signs of being a good kid and it's almost like he gets a chance at making sure the way he went as a kid isn't going to happen again. (did that make sense? No, I thought not. Sorry!) Like saying himself in the process. Okay I'll stop waffling now. Thanks for being so involved though. That really makes me keep going.

Lunarmouse: It is weird isn't it, when you can talk to people who live thousand of miles away. I think you have a lot of responsibility with being a senator and a very busy job. I wish you lots of luck and I hope that you really enjoy yourself.

As for baby names, yes her name has already been picked, but I can't say yet what it is cause it kinda links a lot of things together (now I'm really making no sense!). But you are so right on the whole name business. It took my husband and I ages to finally agree on Abigail. I wanted Charlotte or Harriet but he doesn't like them. And then of course, you might like a name but your partner knows someone called that that they don't like and then that name is kinda off limits. It's no joke, it's stressful business! And then of course, in ten years time you'll get "Why on earth did you give me a name like Abigail why could't you have been COOL parents and called me Snowdrop or Lemonbeam". When I was a kid I always wanted to be called Roberta, I don't remember why, I think it was to do with the Railway Children. Oh well… parents can't win whatever they do!

Rhubarb: Thanks for all your reviews and for trying to catch up and for flattering me. I hope that you don't loose too much sleep and that you continue to like it. Frini is my friend. I did "meet" her through this story, but we got quite close and email frequently. She's been a good friend to me and you should really check out her new website it's cool! rebelwithoutabroom. Mae: Thanks for reviewing!

Penance: I like Remus, I wish he'd find someone who loves him…sighs…wouldn't even consider trying that one. I can't right Remus well at all.

Lan: Okay I have to admit it. I can't place your poem's style. Don't keep me guessing any longer…please. I have to admit to being very under-knowledged when it comes to poetry. I have these bad memories of being made to learn and recite hundreds of really dreary poems for school. Kind put me off for life.

Here's where you tell me it's something incredibly famous like the Baird, or Robbie Burns (who I do like!).

Curry-Spice: You made me chuckle… Remus could explain it to her, but I think Sirius would do a better job… um… now there's a thought.

Mione: You have that problem with remembering passwords too? I thought it was just me, nice to know we aren't alone! I have to say that I have been quite interested in the way people are split over what Snape is doing. I have to say that so far I have to lean more towards your thinking. It's hard, because Snape has to make sure that Odile can't attack him or his again and as he sees it "you fight fire with fire". But as for Senga and how she reacts… see; he still hasn't really told her everything yet as he? Have I said too much? Probably.

Eyebright: You're of the same opinion as Mione, above. Oh well, as my mum says "It'll all come out in the wash" to which the reply "yes, but mum you just shrunk my best shirt in the process!". Okay, now I know I'm mad.

Kitten: Yeah…have to admit I like the idea of a sopping wet Snape too. The next chapter will probably jump several months ahead, I just hope I can carry that off and not make it seem weird.

Elle: How did you get on with your formatting? I hope it went okay. Thanks for emailing me!

Frini: Plugging your website there!… which is brilliant! Everyone go see Frini and her boyfriend's website!

Myst: Thank you. I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Chero-Angel: I'm sorry! I really hope that everything is okay with your and your dad. Thinking of you!

Mally: I'm so glad when I read reviews like yours. Sometimes I wonder is I'm being a bit overboard cause I really just sit here and type. I have no written notes or anything and I wonder if my imagination gets carried away. I have to admit though that I do love writing Snape a lot. He's such a great character to write and I just wish he were mine for real… sighs.

Chary: It gives me a buzz to see you reviewing here. Especially as I just love your story Beloved on this Earth. Which, by the way, I was getting serious withdrawal symptoms from! Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Rugi: Glad you enjoyed it. Hope you enjoy this one too.

Martha and Squirrel: Things will brighten up… maybe…possibly…. I think! ;-)


	41. Why don't I feel any pain?

Usual disclaimer: And a big warning 

Updated March 20008.

Usual disclaimer: And a big warning! This chapter hasn't been edited for spelling mistakes yet. Camille, who usually works so hard is extremely busy with exams and lectures. I wish her the best of luck! Although she's so clever she doesn't need luck! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please excuse any mistakes!

_Part One_

_Boxing Day_

She looked the same. The same brown eyes as before. The same straight black hair that she hated with a vengeance. She was the same, exactly the same.

So why didn't she feel the same?

It was two days ago that her uncle had dropped his latest bombshell on her and now she wasfourteen years old and had absolutely no idea who she really was.

She had thought she had known; had thought she was Lucifer Malfoy's child. But her uncle had corrected her of that misconception several years ago.

She had thought she was a pure-blooded witch with bloodlines stretching back over hundreds of years. Once again her uncle had corrected her erroneous thinking. What else did she assume about herself that was incorrect? He'd made it clear to her that it made no difference to him that she wasn't pure-blooded and she had believed him, especially when he had told her Megan Snape was Muggle born.

So why did it really matter? What was blood anyway?

Nothing, according to Mr Longbottom. Nothing according to her uncle; but she knew they were both wrong. It did matter.

It mattered very much to her and she was certain that it would matter very much to her parents.

How would they react then?

Would her father hold her hand and tell her it made no difference to him? What would he say when he found out that she wasn't even his daughter let alone pure-blooded.

What would he say to her mother when he found out the deceit that she had fed him forfourteen years? She'd never really thought about that much, thinking that he'd never find out anyway. But now…

Senga had listened to her uncle and accepted what he had told her, his words not really sinking in.

But two nights of very little sleep had given her the chance to think things through and she now saw things that hadn't occurred to her at the time.

She wondered just where it would leave her when her mother found out the inheritance would pass her by; where it would leave her family.

But most of all she wondered who she really was; and where she truly belonged.

She looked again at the reflection in the mirror, everything looked the same as it had done three days ago. But nothing was the same and Senga felt as if she was drowning in a sea of doubt. She was dying inside, slowly bleeding to death.

She needed to talk to someone, but she knew she couldn't talk to her uncle, he was too close to it all. She couldn't talk to Aunt Megan either, while she liked her a lot, she was fairly certain she wouldn't really understand, beside it would be unfair to heap anything on her at the moment with the baby and all.

She needed to talk to Neville Longbottom.

"Mr Longbottom!" Senga entered the greenhouse and looked around her, but it seemed empty.

"Mr Longbottom?" Senga stepped forward and around the unruly Cacti section that was still threatening to take over the entire left side of the greenhouse.

Senga stopped when she saw Neville sitting in his usual armchair, his eyes closed, apparently asleep.

Senga stepped backwards quickly and caught her foot in the roots of a Bearded Motheritis Plant. She fell backwards bringing the entire plant down over her, which is what it had been aiming for. Roots slithered around and over her, creeping into her hair and tangling her up as it seemed to push her robes higher up her arms and legs.

Senga couldn't help herself; she screamed.

Neville jumped up from his chair, his eyes still hazy from sleep. He spotted the end of her boots sticking out from behind the table.

"What the…" He drew out his gloves and slipping them on began untangling her carefully.

"Just lie very still… try not to move too much. It doesn't mean any harm; it's got out of hand that's all. I keep telling Professor Sprout that if she's gonna turn these plants into pets then she has to keep them away from the main area."

"Pets?" squeaked Senga as he uncovered her face and began to curl the roots much like he was coiling a rope up.

He nodded at her as he finally managed to drag the final root from her calf and hitched it all back into the pot.

"Now stay there!" he said sharply as the plant seemed to shudder and draw its roots into itself with something very like despondency.

"And don't sulk either! Sally will be back soon and you can have as many cuddles as you want then!"

"Cuddles? Sulk? You mean it wasn't trying to eat me alive then?"

"Eat you?" Neville shook his head "No. It likes skin contact that's all. Likes the warmth of human skin. Sally sometimes lets it curl around her arms. It's been missing her I think and saw you as a good substitute."

"Humph!" Senga snorted as she glared at the plant.

"Was I expecting you today?" he frowned, certain he hadn't arranged anything that needed her help today.

"Well no… I just wanted to … talk to you." She said rather weakly and mentally kicked herself for sounding stupid.

"Cup of tea?" he asked as he turned to the pot that stood on the side.

Senga nodded and sank thankfully into the spare armchair and watched as he poured tea into two chipped mugs.

He handed her one and sat down sipping his tea slowly.

Senga began to fidget when it became apparent that she would have to start the conversation.

"Mr Longbottom, are your parents proud of you?" she asked and watched as he nearly choked on his tea.

"Pardon?" he demanded, the usual friendly smile gone from its place.

"Are your parents proud of you?" she repeated but less certain of her question this time.

"I… erm… why do you ask?" he hedged, his face looking pale.

"I was just wondering, that's all," she lied.

"Is this some kind of joke?" he demanded. "I take it you've been talking to your uncle!" He set his tea down with a shaky hand, not caring when it spilt over the table.

"Well yes… how do you know?" Senga was surprised by his words and his actions.

"Where else would a question like that come from? I think that you'd best just go Senga, I can't talk to you right now. I think you'd better go now."

Senga frowned upset at his sudden change.

"Mr Longbottom…" She sat forward on her chair and tried to see his face.

"Just go, Miss Malfoy," he hissed harshly and she was well aware of the sound of unshed tears in his voice.

Senga stood up on unsteady legs and set her cup down on the side before racing out of the greenhouse, a worried frown on her face.

Senga was completely taken aback by his reaction to her.

She was almost certain that her uncle hadn't spoken to him about her blood-lines. It was almost all he could do to be civil; there was no way on earth that he would discuss something as secret as that.

But then her uncle had told her that she couldn't tell anyone about this. Had he primed Neville that if she were to start saying anything that he had to stop her. But why would he do that? That seemed almost impossibly, let alone ridiculous.

She wasn't even certain that her uncle knew how much time she spent with Mr Longbottom in his greenhouses. But then what on earth made him react like that. It was as if she'd done something that had either really upset him or badly hurt him or both. What could she have done?

She stopped as she came out onto the front lawns close to the main entrance. She couldn't leave it like this.

He was her friend; he was her adoptive brother. She had to make amends for whatever she had done. She re-traced her steps back to the greenhouse and crept in quietly.

Neville was still standing where she had left him, his shoulders hunched together as he leaned his hands on the side, his head bent.

"Mr. Longbottom," she said quietly and flinched when she saw him jump slightly.

"What?" he said sharply.

"I don't know what I did to upset you, but I never meant to." She bit her lip in frustration when tears threatened to fall.

He didn't reply and didn't turn around.

Senga dropped her head in defeat and backed away before turning and leaving the greenhouse.

Well…. she'd screwed that up royally. And she wasn't even certain how she'd done it. She swiped at her eyes and stared up at the cold winter sun hiding behind a few clouds that threatened more snow. She swallowed deeply and moved away from the greenhouses towards the lake. She walked aimlessly, kicking her feet as she went.

She had never felt so defeated. Never felt so alone.

And it had all started when she had arrived here. She turned and looked back at the huge castle with its many towers and turrets.

She felt like screaming, felt like throwing her arms in the air and yelling how much she hated everything.

Hogwarts. She had so wanted to come here, had thought that all her problems would end the moment she stepped inside the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. It was ironic how wrong she'd been. Hogwarts hadn't been the place of happiness she thought it would be.

She had let her guard down, let herself begin to care. She had thought she could be happy here.

She knew she was disliked by practically everyone in her house, with the exception of Hannah. But then Hannah didn't have any friends beside her, and she wasn't even sure why Hannah liked her in the first place.

She knew that she was mistrusted because of her name, a name that wasn't even rightfully hers.

But Neville had befriended her, helped her to ground herself when she needed it and now in one fell sweep and without even knowing how, she'd made him dislike her.

Maybe it was her after all; maybe she was mistrusted for a reason; maybe she was disliked for a reason. Having one friend from a possible ten should have told her something after all.

She swooped to the ground and picked up a stone, resentment and defiance making her movements jerky.

"I don't need anyone," she said playing with the stone in her hands.

"I don't need friends; who needs friends?" She threw the rock with all her might at the castle and watched as it arched through the sky and fell back to the ground harmlessly.

"I can be what I want to be," she said louder. "I don't need anyone at all. I can be powerful and strong all by myself.." She sank to her knees in the snow as the thought echoed around her mind: "until mother finds out I'm not the pure-blood she thought I was…".

Fear coursed through her again as she thought about just how badly her mother was going to take that news; she rather suspected that somehow or other her mother would find a way to blame her.

She groaned aloud, wishing with all her heart that she was just another normal kid. Wishing she was anything than what she was. Wishing she was someone other than who she was.

* * *

Neville decided then and there to have it out with Snape.

He had honestly thought that after all the time that had passed since leaving school that he truly did respect him. Maybe he was wrong.

He marched down to the dungeons his normally cheerful face dark and rigid. He banged on the door that led to the Snape's private quarters and waited, trying to tell himself that he wasn't thirteen any more and that if he did get Snape angry he could handle it like an adult. Which was why he almost fell back a pace when the door was thrown open with Snape's usual force.

"What?" he barked and then, seeing Neville stood there, surprise registered on his face.

"Longbottom? Lost your way?" he sneered but stood back to let Neville in.

"No, I came here with a reason."

"Oh joy is mine!" Snape deadpanned and sat on the chair by the fire, watching as Neville crossed to sit on the other chair.

He was obviously upset about something, and judging by the way he was fidgeting with the end of his jumper, he was nervous about it as well.

"Have you spoken to Senga about my parents?" he said sharply, sitting on the edge of his chair.

"Your parents?" Snape arched an eyebrow at him. "Why would I do something like that?"

"Come on, Severus!" Neville wiped a hand over his face and sank back in the chair. "I assume Albus has told you they died before Christmas."

Snape blinked a few times and then his face became its usual impassive state.

"No. Albus has told me nothing."

"Oh." Neville felt as if the wind had been taken out of his sails.

"Oh, indeed," Snape said and sat forward. "I was unaware of your parents. I am sorry."

Neville looked up at Snape and was gratified to see the edges of concern in his eyes.

"Well… it's for the best I suppose," he sighed unhappily and stood up to go.

"I'm no Remus Lupin as I'm sure you well aware," Snape said dryly. "But I do have brandy here."

Neville looked at where Snape had summoned two glasses of brandy and was now holding one out to him. He took the glass wordlessly and sat back down.

"I take it that they passed away in their sleep?" Snape asked after several minutes of watching the younger man stare down at his brandy.

Neville frowned furiously into his glass.

"Yes… strange but they died within several minutes of each other. It was like a strange connection that was there even though they didn't know anything else." He sipped at his brandy and made a face as it burnt its way down his throat

"It was like they had forgotten all about me and everyone else but they still knew they were bound together. Didn't even know their own names let alone each others but they still must have felt some connection to each other."

"Their love for each other must have been strong," Snape said quietly.

"Not strong enough for them to remember me," he replied sharply and then visibly sagged. "I'm sorry that was unkind…"

"But understandable. Neville, I have no doubt that they loved you with all they had; but they were bounded by more than love, when they were married they pledged their souls to one another even through death. That kind of bond can't be broken by any means, not even death. It isn't that their love for you wasn't strong enough, it was just a different type of love." Snape took a deep swallow of the brandy and wiped his face with his hand. "Merlin, I am Remus Lupin!" he snorted darkly.

"Don't worry your secret is safe with me," Neville said, a sad smile on his lips.

"Oh yes and what secret is that, Mr Longbottom?"

"That you are human after all."

"Barely, Mr Longbottom, barely," he replied but his eyes glittered with humour.

"I know they loved me. I was just …"

"Indulging in self pity?" Snape supplied dryly. "Your parents died, I think a little self pity is acceptable."

"The thing is…" Neville stopped and contemplated his fingers curled around the glass as if they were the only thing keeping him sane. "The thing is its not as if I even knew them. I can't remember anything about them before… before… well you know. Every holiday Gran would take me to see them and I used to hate that, really hate it. They were this weird couple that would look at me and not know me." Neville eyed Snape warily; aware the brandy had loosened his tongue considerably.

Snap downed the last of his brandy and set the glass on the floor by his feet.

"It would have been a hard way to grow up. I take it that was why you were here for Christmas and not at your grandmothers."

"She went to stay with my uncle… I think up till they died she'd been kidding herself a bit, thinking they just might wake up sane again." He shook his head. "I couldn't face the thought of all that family around. Telling me how sorry they were." He closed his eyes and heard himself speaking. "When I got her letter it made me very sad but I'm not heartbroken. I think I was more upset when Trevor died. What kind of person doesn't even mourn their own parents?" his voice was little more than a whisper but Snape heard every word.

"You are mourning them, Neville," Snape sighed and summoned the brandy bottle to refill both their glasses. "Mourning takes all forms, not everyone breaks into uncontrollable sobs…"

The door was opened and Meg came bursting in not even looking towards them as she shot across the room.

"Sorry, can't wait any longer! I know she's taken to bouncing up and down right on my bladder and it's not funny!" She banged into the bathroom and Snape merely raised his eyebrows at Neville.

"You'll have to excuse my wife," he snorted dryly. "She's pregnant."

"I noticed," smirked Neville, his brandy glass once more empty. "I'd better go…"

"Neville…" Snape started to say something but Neville cut him off as he stood up.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. If I tell anyone you were nice to me you'll display my intestines in one of those revolting jars you so love."

"Actually I was thinking more along the lines of your brain but then I remembered you don't possess one." Snape stood up and took the glass from him. "And while we're talking about being brainless what was it my niece said to you anyway?"

Neville paled slightly as he remembered Senga.

"Oh damn!" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I loused that one up, didn't I? I'd better go and see her." He ambled to the door and opened it just as Meg came back out of the bathroom. She spotted Neville by the door and beamed at him.

"Hey Neville. Coming for a visit?"

"Just leaving." He smiled at her and went through the door; he stopped and turned back to Snape.

"Thanks," he said quietly and left shutting the door behind him.

"What was that all about?" asked Meg looking at Snape with a frown.

"I'm not sure we arrived at the reason he was here," Snape said with a frown on his face.

"Oh?" Meg came and sat down in the chair Neville had just vacated. "Problems?"

Snape blinked and shook his head.

"Judging by the fact you can't remove yourself from the vicinity of a toilet for more than half an hour I'd say you were the one with a problem," he smirked at her.

"Yeah, well… Poppy says it'll go away soon and then come back again when I get bigger. If that's possible," she sighed and sank back to look down at her tummy, which was showing quite well.

"Perhaps we should ask Filius to charm a toilet to follow you around Hogwarts," he said, his voice dark and soft. "Or perhaps we could convert your seat to be a commode."

Meg glared at him and huffed her breath out in irritation.

"Or perhaps you could stop winding me up and be nice for a change."

"What and break the habit of a lifetime?" He snorted at her and sipped at his brandy.

"A bit early for drink isn't it?" she said ignoring his comment.

"Not when one is married to a pregnant woman," he remarked with a smirk.

She shifted slightly and drew out the cushion under her and threw it at him.

"A circumstance which can always be rectified," she replied sweetly and poked her tongue out at him.

He caught the cushion easily and set it behind his head before he leaned back.

"Thank you my darling," he drawled. "My slippers need heating by the way."

"Then sit on them," she laughed and drew her feet up with a bit of effort as the space she took up was rapidly getting smaller.

He watched as she pulled and tugged until her feet were under her, smirking all the time.

"If anything has to be charmed it's going to be this chair I think," she huffed and sat back looking at him.

"We agree on something," he smirked.

"At last."

* * *

_I've built walls,_

_A fortress deep and mighty,_

_That none may penetrate._

_I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain._

_It's laughter and it's loving I disdain._

_I am a rock,_

_I am an island._

Neville found Senga hiding in the library looking out of the window, her breath misting the cold window as she breathed.

"Senga," he spoke softly and waited.

She didn't turn her head, she could see who it was by the reflection in the window, could tell by the sound of his voice.

"I apologise for my actions earlier."

"S'okay," Senga whispered and turned to face him her eyes fixed on the top edge of his jumper.

"I had some bad news before Christmas."

"I'm sorry." She looked up into his eyes and saw genuine worry and remorse in his eyes.

"My parents died and you touched a bit of a nerve." He smiled shakily at her.

"Oh, Mr Longbottom." She frowned at him in sympathy. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"I know you didn't. Forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive." She smiled at him but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Could we try that talk again?" he suggested and stuck his hands in his pockets, hunching his shoulders a bit.

"It was nothing, really." She stood up and lifted the pile of books she'd chosen for reading that night.

"Need a hand?" he asked.

"No, it's fine thank you." She stopped beside him. "I really am sorry about your parents, Mr Longbottom, that must have been really hard for you."

"It's life I guess." He shrugged watching her closed face. "Would you be free tomorrow to give me a hand clearing the last bed ready for new seedlings, it has to be done before the students arrive."

"Of course, what time?"

"After breakfast?" he asked and saw her nod. "Professor Sprout's getting back about lunchtime so she'll give us a hand if we haven't finished."

"Okay." Senga nodded "I'm shopping with my aunt in the afternoon but not till three o'clock."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow then."

Senga smiled at him and went out her arms full of books.

Neville sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. They were right back to square one, she was as closed around him as she had been that first day they met and he was the reason. Damn, he was stupid.

* * *

_Mud can make you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry._

_Snow can burn your eyes but only people make you cry._

Senga left the library, her heart felt so heavy. She had no doubt that he had meant every word to her. But the fact remained that he had thought her capable of trying to hurt him; he had jumped to the conclusion she was being nasty. Which told her that no matter what he said he still thought she was a Malfoy, a Snape. When it came down to it; right down to it, his fancy talk of names not being important was rubbish. He had automatically assumed the worst and she couldn't forget that.

She hastily brushed tears from her face. She would keep her façade up, keep her walls around herself. She needed no one.

And she'd be damned before she let another person make her cry.

* * *

_Part Two_

_Spring_

Meg was getting bigger quicker now and the baby had started to make its presence really known:

"Severus!" Meg flipped the covers back, sending the book he was reading through the air.

Snape grunted in anger as he tried unsuccessfully to stop his book from falling to the floor.

"You'd better have a good excuse, Megan," he snapped and turned to her.

She was hiking her night-shirt up, the bed covers around her hips.

"Look!" She said and as if the baby heard her, a limb was extended and Meg's stomach distended.

"Good Merlin!" he exclaimed in horror. "What on earth is it doing in there?"

"Quidditch I think," she giggled. "My mum said she thought we'd be footballers the rate we moved around!"

"It's moving?" he said dryly. "What? Moving out via your stomach?"

The limb, which Meg thought might be a foot, was wiggled and sent flying from one side straight to the other.

"Oh my…" Meg gasped at the sensation.

"Does it hurt?"

"No… It can be uncomfortable, but it's exciting as well."

Severus sat up and stared down at where the bump had disappeared.

"Has it stopped moving now?"

"I guess so…. Oh no, here we go again," Meg giggled and rested her hand on the foot that stuck itself out again. The foot was drawn back the moment her hand rested on it.

She lifted her hand off and once more the foot came sticking out.

"May I?" Severus hovered one hand over the strange bump in Meg's stomach.

Meg nodded and watched his face as he gently lowered his hand until the bump nestled in his palm, but instead of pulling back the baby seemed to move and reach out further and then stilled under his hand.

"Oh look! She knows it's her Daddy," Meg cried out.

"Nonsense!" Snape snorted but didn't remove his hand. "It merely can feel the difference in skin temperature. Your hands are always so hot they border on clammy, mine however, are cooler."

"Get on with you! How's she gonna feel that in there," Meg snorted at him.

"The same way you assume it knows who I am," he replied smartly.

"Yes, but she can hear you." Meg nudged him. "Go on, speak to her."

"I beg your pardon," Snape sneered at her, his hand lifting from her stomach sharply.

The baby immediately began to move around rather violently.

"Merlin!" Meg gasped and lifted herself higher on the pillows. "Calm down in there!"

Severus placed his hand back over the moving bump and it stilled once more.

"See," Meg crowed. "She knows it's her Daddy touching her. She knows it's someone special."

"Okay then Miss "I know it all," he sneered. "Your touch should calm it too by that thinking."

"No. She's with me all the time so I think she's used to me, whereas when she hears your voice…"

"And how does she know it's my voice that is her father and not say… Lupin?"

"Well…." Meg shifted under his triumphant gaze. "She'd hear your voice a lot more than Remus' and… well… I guess considering you're the only one I say I love you too she'd kind figure it out… besides…"

"What are you trying so badly to avoid telling me?" He smirked, amused at her rather vague rambling.

"Well, I talk to her," she said and looked at him haughtily as his eyebrows raised.

"You talk to it? You mean you actively talk to your stomach?"

"No. I talk to our daughter inside my stomach," she defended herself hotly.

"Alright calm down," he sniggered. "I wondered what all the gibbering I could hear coming from the shower was about. I was wondering if you'd finally realised you sing nine out of ten notes out of key, and decided to speak your songs instead."

She slapped his arm and dragged her shirt back down over her stomach and slid down, his hand still moulded to her stomach.

"Do you mind," she huffed.

"Well, I suppose nine out of ten was a bit exaggerated, five out of ten maybe." He smirked at her.

She huffed again and rolled onto her side, his hand sliding across her stomach to rest on her side. The baby fidgeted for a bit and then stilled.

"Not sulking on me are you, Megan?" he whispered leaning over to peer down at her face, an infuriating grin on his face.

"No. Besides, sulking is very much your thing, not mine!"

"I do not sulk," he denied strongly.

"Much."

"I do not!"

"Okay then, we could stretch it to mildly brooding."

"You make me sound like a Hen," he replied and flexed his fingers on the soft skin of her side. It had the desired result and she squirmed away from him.

"Don't even think about it!" She warned him a grin creeping over her face.

"What?" he asked innocently and flexed his fingers again, letting them slide over her sensitive skin.

She wiggled laughing as he began to mercilessly tickle her.

"Get off!" she yelled, trying to roll away from him, but the bump in her stomach preventing her escape.

"Not till you tell me I do not sulk."

"Okay then.." She slapped at his hands, lying on her back looking up into his black eyes. "I do not sulk," she said seriously.

He sighed and sat up beside her.

"Must you always be so factitious. You know exactly what you'll get for that little display don't you?"

"And you'll get wet sheets if you tickle me much longer," she giggled trying desperately to get away from his long fingers.

He knelt back on his heels, his night-shirt bunched around his knees.

The baby moved in her stomach and this time he placed his hand on the bump with no prompting.

The baby settled once more but he kept his hand there anyway.

"Megan." He looked down into her eyes. "I love you."

"Even though I resemble a beached whale?" she asked, her eyes on his hand on her rounded tummy.

He cleared his throat and her eyes flew up to meet his.

He frowned slightly, his black eyes bottomless as she stared at him.

"I have always found you to be incredibly desirable," he stated quietly. "But I have found, that for some unknown reason, and please do not ask me why as I do not know, I have found myself more attracted to you as you're body has changed."

Meg blinked in surprise.

"More attracted? Severus, are you under some kind of mind altering potion? I've gained weight, lots of it. I look as if I've swallowed a water melon…and…."

He stopped her by placing one finger on her lips.

"There is nothing wrong with my mind nor my eyesight. Believe me when I say I find you incredibly attractive. Nothing will ever change my mind about that."

Meg's eyes filled with tears at his words.

"Don't get all tearful on me," he snorted. "Or I'll be forced to use the H word."

She laughed and swiped at her eyes before resting her hands on his cheek, her fingers curling into his slightly greasy black hair.

"I love you, Snape!"

"Of course you do," he replied arrogantly. "How could you not?"

* * *

_Late Spring_

Meg came into the staff room, one hand placed across the top of her stomach which was so large now she could use her stomach as a shelf not only when she sat down.

"I can't possibly get any bigger! I'll pop," she exclaimed to the room in general.

"You have a healthy baby there, my dear, she's going to be a good size." Poppy beamed at her with something very close to maternal pride.

"Either that or you're going to have an elephant," Sirius whispered into her ear as he passed her, his eyes on Snape's face.

"I am not!" Meg poked at his back as he carried on to where Remus was sitting by the window grinning at them both.

"Tell me again why we have to put up with the mutt," hissed Snape as he stood up to help her sit down gracefully rather than just drop and hope she landed in the chair and not on the floor in a heap.

"Because I invited him," Remus said and looked up as the staff room door opened and Neville and Sally came in talking animatedly about something Neville had in his hand.

"And you're most welcome," Albus said with a chuckle to Sirius ignoring the glare that was directed at him by Snape.

"Thank you Albus." Sirius smiled nastily at Snape as he sat down.

"Neville has an announcement!" Sally beamed at them all, pride radiating through every pore.

Neville blushed as red as a beetroot and shuffled his feet slightly.

"Sally… I've only just found out."

"Oh come on Neville, you can't keep that kind of information to yourself… everyone listen!" She nudged him encouragingly,

"Well… it seems that I've been accepted into Bicton Herbology College."

A wave of well dones and congratulations filled the room as all of his previous teachers beamed at him, well, Snape managed a half smirk.

Meg would have got up and hugged him, but getting up and down was quite a feat these days.

"Neville, that's excellent! You start in the summer?" she caught his hand and tugged him down to kiss his cheek

"Yes, September." He grinned at her as he straightened up.

"Well done, young man. Get your courses done and we'll be welcoming you back here as a Professor before you can blink!" Filius padded over and began a long line of teachers waiting to congratulate and talk to Neville on a one to one.

Meg beamed over at Snape who had picked up his paper again, making no move to get up and join the excited throng of teachers.

"Isn't that great?" she exclaimed.

"I'm ecstatic," he drawled and lifted the paper and opened it to the middle.

"Oh, Severus." She shook her head as he lowered the paper slightly to smirk at her, on eyebrow raised in humour.

She knew he was pleased for Neville, she also knew that a herd of wild horses wouldn't drag that information out of him with so many witnesses.

She gave a gasp as the baby forming inside her made its presence known and a foot was stuck out and rolled around.

Snape's paper went down as his black eyes watched her closely.

"Uncomfortable?" he asked her but before she could answer Neville was leaning over the back of her chair and kissing her cheek. His eyes fell on the moving bump and he grinned.

"Quite the little mover," he laughed.

"Congratulations, Mr Longbottom," drawled Snape as he folded his paper and set it beside him on the table,

"Thank you." He smiled. "I'm looking forward to it."

"How long have you been putting together your course work?" asked Meg "You've kept it rather quiet."

"Sally suggested it at the start of the school year but I wasn't sure I could do it." He shrugged

"You underestimate yourself," Snape smirked.

"Good Merlin! Was that Snape handing out compliments? Has the sun imploded?" Sirius came to stop beside Neville, staring at Snape in horror.

Snape opened his mouth to reply but Neville beat him to it.

"Leave off, Sirius, Severus is a good friend."

Snape rose one black eyebrow at him sardonically but his eyes glinted with humour.

"Doesn't know what it means do you, Snape," snorted Sirius.

"Won't Battersea be missing you by now? They'd be the only people that would," Snape replied smoothly.

Meg slapped her hands down on the arms of her chair and sliding herself forward struggled to her feet.

"You know what? This gets old! It really does! You both act like immature children and I'm sick of it! Grow up!" she cried and waddled out of the staff room.

Snape was startled at her outburst but his face gave nothing away as he stood up to follow her.

"Don't upset my wife again, Black," he sneered at Sirius as he passed him.

"You were there as well Snape old snake," he called, his eye catching Remus disapproving glare. "What? He started it," Sirius said and winced as he realised how childish he sounded.

Remus came over and stood where Neville had gone to talk to Sally.

"I wish you two would put it behind you and not just for Meg. We've been friends for a long time Sirius, but you have to accept that Severus is my friend too. When you two fight it upsets more than just each other, you hurt us too."

Sirius bowed his head slightly and shrugged,

"I don't know Remus. It just.." he shrugged again and left the staff room. Remus watched him go, his eyes reflecting his sadness.

Meg didn't want to be found by either Severus or Sirius so she made her way to the library.

She knew that it was the last place Severus would ever expect her to go.

She went in and wasn't surprised to that two thirds of the students in there were Ravenclaws.

She saw Senga sat by herself on the window seat, a big thick book in her lap but she was looking out the window.

"Hello." Meg crossed to her and stood there. "Not disturbing you, am I?"

Senga looked up and smiled shifting slightly to give Meg more room to sit down.

"Studying?" asked Meg her eyes taking in the dark shadows under the girls eyes.

"Yeah… Exams are getting closer and its getting scarier."

"It's not so bad." Smiled Meg. "I'm sure you'll do as well as you can."

Senga raised her eyebrows and ran a hand through her black hair.

"Where's Hannah today?" asked Meg looking around for the girl who wasn't usually far away.

"She's writing to her parents." Senga's face shut down and she turned back to the window.

"Everything okay between you two?"

"Fine." Senga sighed slightly "Her dad wrote her this morning saying he'd been given a promotion."

"Oh I bet she's pleased."

"Yes, but it means they have to move."

"Where?"

"America. She's leaving through the holidays."

"Leaving? Oh what a shame!" Meg frowned as she realised that Senga would be loosing the only friend she had in a little over two weeks.

Senga shrugged and closed the big book with a snap.

"She's rather be with her family."

"Of course." Meg nodded and struggled to think of something more helpful to say.

"Senga, I need to go shopping in Hogsmede again on Saturday, still have a lot of things to buy for the baby, would you like to come with me? Perhaps we can find something to give Hannah as a leaving present."

"Okay. Thanks." Senga nodded and looked at the woman sat beside her.

"Great!" Meg smiled at her and stood up, her earlier annoyance at Snape forgotten. "I'll see you Saturday morning about ten then?"

Senga nodded again but didn't smile.

* * *

Meg contemplated her mug of Hot Chocolate with glee. It had whipped cream on the top and was sprinkled with tiny pink and white marshmallows.

"Don't tell your uncle about this will you," Meg said, looking at where Senga was sat opposite with the same drink.

Senga shook her head and smiled at her.

"He's already going to have a fit when he sees these clothes!"

Meg reached down and once again brought out the dozen tiny baby outfits she'd bought. All in pinks, lilacs and white.

"What are you going to do if it's not a girl?" asked Senga eyeing the sugary pink outfits with doubt.

"Well… if it is a boy I guess it'll just grow up with a complex for the first several months… either that or get Filius, I mean Professor Flitwick to charm them all blue."

"Black you mean," Senga snorted. "If it's a Snape it'll have to be black."

"Who of earth would put their baby in black clothes?" Meg cried carefully folding the clothes up and putting them away again.

"The first baby shot of me I'm wearing a black velvet dress with black shoes."

"You're joking! How old where you?"

"A couple of months. It was Sanhiem I believe, and mum was taking me to my first Coven meeting."

Meg frowned as she watched Senga eat the marshmallows on the drink first.

"How many meetings have you attended?"

Senga looked up sharply and realised with a mental sigh she'd said far too much. She had no intentions of upsetting her aunt so close to the baby being due.

"I don't know. A few maybe." She shrugged and turned her attention on the second bag at Meg's feet. "What will Uncle Severus say about that?" she indicated the bag that held the brand new album of Hannah's favourite group.

"Nothing. Senga," Meg sighed "You can tell me anything you want to y'know. I won't tell your uncle unless you want me too."

Senga smiled brightly but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Nothing to tell. I can't wait to see Hannah's face when she sees this."

"You're going to miss her, aren't you?"

"No, not really," Senga said artlessly, unwilling to let anyone know how upset she was. Since her run in with Neville she'd kept herself at a distance with him, but it had been impossible to keep herself at a distance with Hannah.

Hannah had just walked right over any vague excuses or explanations why she couldn't spend time with her like she had before. Hannah had never even given any signs that she'd realised that Senga was trying to pull away, but Senga wasn't fooled and it was then she had realised just how good a friend Hannah was. And now that too, she was about to loose.

"Surely you will," Meg said watching the younger girl for signs of distress, but her brown eyes were blank and empty and her face expressionless. Meg shrugged, inwardly cursing the Snape ability to keep themselves so closed off.

"Well… I'm sure you'll write to each other. I expect she can always stay through the holidays."

Meg winced inwardly as she thought that Snape might not be so pleased to hear that.

"Will Jack and Professor Hooch be coming up for the weekend of half term?" asked Senga, she didn't really care much, but it would hopefully change the subject.

"Senga I realise you're trying to change the subject. I'm sorry if it upsets you to talk about it, I just wanted to try and help."

Senga bit her lip, damn her for being so insightful. She liked Meg, liked her a lot but she didn't want any help, nor did she want any probing around.

"You're not my mother," Senga whispered sharply, her eyes not meeting Meg's. The words had slipped from her mouth before she could stop them.

Meg's head went back and her face shoved her momentary hurt before she sighed deeply.

"No. I'm not. I'd like to say that I'm not old enough but I don't think that would be true. I don't want to be your mother, Senga. But I would like to be your friend."

"I'm sorry. I should never have said that," Senga said, deeply regretting hurting Meg like that.

"It's okay. We all say things we don't mean sometimes."

Senga's thoughts turned to Neville and she felt a twinge of guilt go through her, maybe he had never meant to hurt her, maybe it had all just been too new for him, too close to the bone… she swallowed hard shaking her head slightly.

No. She was better as she was. If you didn't have friends you couldn't get hurt.

Meg watched as Senga's face hardened and she felt a sharp pain go through her.

"Senga?"

She looked up at Meg and smiled brightly, but once again it didn't reach her eyes.

"Can we go back and look at the new broomstick again please?" asked Senga as cheerfully as she could.

Meg smiled at her and pushed away her finished drink.

"You bet."

* * *

_I have my books_

_And my poetry to protect me;_

_I am shielded in my armour,_

_Hiding in my room, safe within my womb._

_I touch no one and no one touches me._

_I am a rock,_

_I am an island._

Hannah put the last of her jumpers in the case and snapped the lock shut.

"There! All done," she said softly and turned to look at Senga perched on the window sill watching her quietly.

Hannah slid the case to the floor along with her other two cases.

"You know Jones, you don't travel light do you?" Senga quipped, using her best snobby Pandora voice.

Hannah didn't laugh, didn't even register her words.

"I'm going to miss you," she said quietly and sank down onto the case her chin resting in her hands.

"No you're not." Senga replied with a shake of her head. She got up and came and perched beside the girl, resting her chin on her hands.

"Well. I'm not going to miss your snoring."

"I do not snore." Senga objected.

"Yeah you do. Everyone does." Hannah tried to smile and failed. "I'm not sure I want to go anymore. What if I don't like it there? What if no one likes me?"

"You're joking right? How can they not like you?"

"You're the only one here," Hannah pointed out.

"I think you'd have had a lot more friends of you hadn't chosen to befriend a Malfoy," Senga said quietly.

"Nah." Hannah shook her head.

"You're a good friend Hannah. I'm really going to miss you." Senga finally gave way to the pain in her heart and the knot in her throat. Tear filled her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

She heard a sob from Hannah and slung her arm around her neck. Hannah's arm went round her waist.

"Promise you'll write to me," Hannah said her voice thick with tears.

"Of course."

"Promise you'll keep bugging the hell out of Pandora and her cronies." Her smile watery as she looked at Senga.

"Definitely." Senga chuckled and sobbed at the same time.

A knock sounded on the door and Professor Flitwick stuck his head around.

"Okay girls? Your mum and dad have arrived Hannah dear, they're with Professor Dumbledore at the moment, but I think we should get your cases downstairs ready."

Both girls got to their feet, Senga hastily wiping away the signs of tears.

Filius came in with a sad smile and levitated Hannah's bags for her and they followed him out of the room.

The castle seemed as sad as Senga felt as she walked down with Hannah. Although it was the spring holiday none of the other children had gone home for the week. Most of them were outside enjoying the early promise of summer.

All the corridors were empty, silent, and watchful as Senga and Hannah followed Professor Flitwick.

Hannah was crying freely now as she realised this would be the last time she would walk the corridors of Hogwarts.

Senga was dry eyed, but her face was pale and her bottom lip was firmly between her teeth. Her hands clenched into fists as she fought her inner emotions.

The next few minutes seemed to go by in haze as Senga watched Hannah's parents come down with Dumbledore, they greeted Hannah with pleasure, kissing and hugging her and Senga watched with a breaking heart as her friends' tears turned partially to happiness at seeing her family again.

This was what Senga had never had. And she thought she would die from knowing that she never would.

She followed them in silence out to the entrance where a carriage was waiting to take them away.

Hannah parted from her mother and came across to Senga.

"Don't forget me," she said quickly and hugged Senga to her who for a few seconds remained stiff, until her arms went around her friend and she hugged her tightly.

"Don't forget me either."

"Never!"

Senga stood back and watched as she got onto the carriage with her parents. It began to move away as Hannah leant out of the window, waving at Senga who was just standing there, her arms wrapped around herself, her heart broken.

"Write to me!" yelled Hannah.

Senga watched until the carriage disappeared and then she turned to see Dumbledore stood behind her. She jumped slightly; she thought he had already gone inside.

"Sir." She refused to look at his face and instead turned to walk in the direction of the grounds.

"Distance is nothing, Senga. She will always be your friend," he said softly but Senga heard him clearly.

She didn't look back, gave no indication that she had heard him. She walked blindly not knowing where she was going until she found herself in the gardens. She found a secluded spot between two hedges and sank down on the slightly damp grass.

Tears, hot and painful flooded down her cheeks. She hated crying and she hated feeling.

She had known that watching Hannah leave would hurt but she hadn't realised how much it would hurt.

She hated being this vulnerable. Her thoughts went back to her mother and father hugging Hannah. Pain sliced through her. She knew now what she was missing, with no likelihood of ever having.

She had never seen that kind of affection up close. She had held her uncle's hand and she had kissed his cheek, but he had never initiated closeness like Hannah's parents had done. Not even her Aunt Meg had hugged her like that and she had come the closet to being affectionate with her. But then Senga suspected that Meg would be affectionate with just about anyone.

She sank her head onto her knees, mixed feelings coursed through her. She was hurting for Hannah, hurting for affection, and she was angry. So angry with herself for allowing herself to feel like this.

She was determined never to feel this way again. No matter what it would take she would never leave herself this vulnerable again.

_And a rock feels no pain;_

_And an island never cries_

* * *

A/N:

The song lyrics are, in order:

"Queen and the Soldier" by Suzanne Vega

"I was born under a wandering star."

"I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkle

I hope that everyone enjoys this and thank you very much for reading this.

Bicton College is a famous college in the WestCountry for Agriculture, Horticulture and everything green-fingered. My brother got all his degrees and things there (y'know whatever they call all those letters behind your name.) Anyway, thought I'd change it slightly and make it magical! Neville is going to leave Hogwarts to train but he will be coming back and isn't leaving the story for good. I can't be parted from him for that long anyway!

Calvin: Thanks for your great review. It really made me smile! I'm not certain now though, if you're going to be a disappointed by the way this chapter has gone. I hope not!

Rhubarb: Hope your computer is better again. I get withdrawal symptoms if I can't use it for long. Sad huh?

Laura: I asked several people about the Maternity ring and guess what! I think our family had created it's own tradition! It started when my sister-in-law fell pregnant ten years ago. My brother bought her a Sapphire ring and she called it a Maternity Ring, I thought it was a common thing to do, but no one else has heard of it either. She owns three rings ( They have three kids) and I own one! I didn't realise it was a normal thing to do until you asked about it and I asked about. Should we patent it? HAHAHAHA!

Thanks for the lyrics, they really fit Snape don't they? Have you seen Jekyll and Hyde? Is it good? You've posted a few lyrics from this musical and they all fit spot on, I think by the sounds of the lyrics that the musical would be good!

Coesius: I was chuffed to see your name on the review bit. I know you reviewed right at the start and it makes me so happy to think you're still with me. I really enjoyed your story and thanks for leaving the link. I think you got it spot on how he'd react!

Chero-Angel: I hope that things are getting back to normal for you and everything is okay again! What's between Neville and Senga? At the moment he's the brother she's never really known…..

Wyltk: Heyhey! I'm so glad you've kept with me too, it gives me a buzz to think that there are people out there that are still reading along, several months after I started this! As for the scene with Meg and Senga, I put their scene in here especially for you, Laura and Calvin. I just hope it comes across alright. I think that while they'd get along it wouldn't be that deep. She'd see Meg as another grown up like her uncle and being his wife I think she'd be a bit unsure of what she could and couldn't tell Meg, not to mention the fact Senga isn't the type to wear her heart on her sleeve anyway. Anyway I hope you enjoy it and if you didn't… let me know why please and constructive stuff all works for me!

Abskii: Thanks for reading this far. The birth is imminent now! Can you see Snape holding his first dirty nappy? Hehehe!

Elvensorceress: Thanks for the encouragement! It means a lot to me.

Elle: I'm sorry you're having trouble with your story. I hope you manage to get it sorted soon. Hope you had a great party!

Dragon: Thanks for letting me know you're out there reading!

Lunarmouse: I think listening to all you people that my sister-in-law made up the tradition of having a Maternity Ring. I thought it was something everyone did! We haven't seen much of Odile yet but she will be coming back soon.

Grashopper: I'm glad you're still enjoying this as much as I am.

Weird you like the "Queen and the soldier" song as that's where the first quote comes from! I like that album too, one of her best yet. I also like "Undertow". Hope you had a great time in the Seychelles.

Necrosia of the Moon and Night: I'm glad you enjoy it, I love writing it!

Frini: I hadn't thought about bringing Sirius's old girl-friend into it… I think if he found someone to love and care for it would take some of his angst and make him a lot mellower. I find Sirius hard to write as he's had such a raw deal of it that I almost understand where his animosity to Snape comes from. I don't like making him seem to bitter and nasty as I don't want it to seem as if I hate him as I don't.

Hope you're keeping alright and writing hard!!!

Lan: You're famous to me! I update as quick I can because I can't keep my hands off Snape! (read that anyway you want to!) I hope you do upload a story, let me know if you do. I really ought to go through everyone who reviews here and try to read their stories as well… but time just isn't long enough. There should be more hours in a day! I really wish I could read everyone's else's work, I am trying! As for Lord of the Rings… I read the book about a million years ago when I was in school. I was the type who went to chess meetings and Dungeons and Dragons and yes, you guessed, Lord of the Ring meetings. Boy ,I don't think I ever did any real work at school, just flitted from one discussion group to another! I believe some people call these type of groups nerdy, but I disagree, I made some really good friends there and still keep in contact with them thirteen years later. But I also have to admit to liking the film version of Legolas very much!!!!!! Although Gimli isn't how I imagined him… too old and gnarled… am I waffling? Probably. Here's a lame rhyme just for you!

I like poetry, not a lot

Except for Burns… he is quite hot.

Oh and I suppose Shakespeare's the man

And of Longfellow I am a fan.

I guess I lied, I like the classics.

Just not the boring stuff of today's fanatics.

I don't want to know about a fish in a bowl

Which is what they made me read in school.

Or other weird and wonderful stuff

But of your poems; I can't get enough.

Ta da!

How lame am I? By the way, I'm sure there are some good poets out there… they just never introduced me to them in school.

Chary: Senga hasn't taken the nice well at all, not below the surface. She reminds me of a duck, calm and unruffled on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath! Did you notice Trevor just for? I'm not sure how long toads can live but I figured he'd be at least fourteen if he were still alive, giving that he was two when Neville got him for his pet… oh well! I love Neville as well, I've always felt sorry for him, he's the type that makes you want to mother him. Or at least I think he is!

Kitten: Sirius and Snape do have a lot in common don't they? Sirius is another person I always feel slightly sorry for as well. Thanks for reviewing!

Myst: Okay….grins here's a whole chapter where none of the scenes actually end up with meg and Snape getting it together, just for you! Actually now she's the size of a small tug boat it does get difficult!

Eyebright: There is more to Senga'a reaction yes… am I that transparent? Oh well…sighs Thanks for reviewing!

Elaine Lahey: Thanks so much for being so nice! I must go back one day and correct all the spelling mistakes in previous chapters before Camille was good enough to stop my attempt to kill any signs of the grammar this story!

Mione: I got my computer to remember my password…so as long as it doesn't crash…. Maybe we should get ourselves remembralls!!! You were correct about senga's reaction. As you now know!

Rugi: I hope you enjoyed Senga's reaction. In fact I hope you enjoyed the whole story!

Martha and Squirrel: Thanks for the encouragement!

Thanks again for reading.

I hope you all have a wonderful day wherever you are!


	42. Confrontation

* * *

Usual disclaimer; I don't claim to owe anything, least of all the Harry Potter universe 

Updated 2008 March.

Usual disclaimer; I don't claim to owe anything, least of all the Harry Potter universe.

And as always, a huge thanks to Camille for working so hard at beta-ing this chapter.

Oh and a warning about the chapter length. It's rather long. Sorry, but there was no easy way to break it up without either making no sense or just giving you a cliff-hanger, which I hate.

Anyway…. I really, really hope you enjoy this.

* * *

Neville was just finishing off the last row of seedlings; his back was close to breaking, and the sweat was running into his eyes.

A pair of black boots came into his line of sight as he bent over the neat row of plants.

He looked up and saw Senga standing over him, her pose very much like her uncle's, with her arms folded and her face completely blank.

"Senga!" He smiled at her and sat back on his heels wiping his dirty hands on an even dirtier cloth.

"Mr. Longbottom." A tiny smile appeared on her lips as she gazed down at him. "You have a smudge of dirt across your top lip," she pointed out quietly, "looks like you have a moustache; it's not you at all!"

He grinned and wiped it away with the back of his hand and then looked back up at her.

"Better?" he asked her.

"Much, if you were trying for a full beard," she replied and crossed to sit on the bench that ran along the side of the greenhouse.

He shrugged and stood up, his hands going to the small of his back as he stretched the ache out of his muscles.

"What can I do for you?" he asked her as he came to sit beside her.

She looked at him and shrugged.

It was two days since Hannah had left. Two days where Senga had nothing to do except kick her heels and avoid the catty smirks of her Ravenclaw roommates. Two days to do some hard thinking without emotion to hinder the results.

"Bored of the holidays, already?" he laughed and sobered when he remembered that her friend Hannah had left.

"You must be missing Hannah," he said quietly and summoned two mugs of hot chocolate.

Senga shrugged again and took the mug with a quiet word of thanks.

They sat in silence drinking the chocolate and eating a packet of biscuits Neville had brought out with a grin.

"About that time at Christmas…" She broke off waiting for him to silence her, but he merely munched on another biscuit and nodded encouragingly at her to continue.

"I… wasn't. I mean I didn't…"

"I know," he sighed. "I meant it when I said I was sorry for attacking you like that." He contemplated another biscuit, easily won over his 'inner voice' and picked it up quickly.

"Yeah … but that wasn't what I meant. I mean I didn't really believe you. Well I believed you but I…. well…" she faded off with a frown, not knowing how to say it to him.

"Go on," he urged her, offering her another biscuit. She took it and examined the chocolate chips that seemed to cling on with barely anything keeping them there. She flicked one with her finger and it flew off straight towards him. He caught it and popped it into his mouth with a grin. She couldn't help but smile back.

"I went shopping with Aunt Meg and we stopped for a drink… well, the long and short of it is I said something mean to her; she was just trying to help with Hannah leaving, and I told her she wasn't my mother. I didn't mean it and she believed me and said, 'we all say things we don't mean.'"

"Senga, what are you driving at? Usually I can follow you, but I'm a little lost here."

She looked at him and frowned darkly at him.

"I hated the thought that you just assumed I was trying to hurt you when I asked about your parents… because I was a Malfoy." She shook her head at the thought; she was no Malfoy.

"Senga, how many times must I tell you," he sighed, "it had nothing whatsoever to do with who you are, what you are…" He set his drink down and ran his hand through his already untidy hair, sending it all on end.

"I only found out the day before I was supposed to go to my grandmother's for Christmas. It didn't really sink in until after Christmas Day when I realised that I was still here and not where I usually am. You literally turned up just as it hit me. It was all I was thinking of. I can't say anything else to convince you…" He frowned at her and she was struck by the concern and honesty in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for freezing you out; I was mixed up and confused." It took a lot for her to admit that, and she saw admiration in his eyes. It gave her the courage to carry on.

She took a deep breath, everything bottled up inside her, her lips trembled as the words forced themselves past.

"I'm not a Malfoy," she said quickly and felt a rush of something flood her. She felt relief.

He looked at her and frowned.

"Pardon?" He blinked rapidly as he fought to understand where she was coming from.

"I'm not a Malfoy," she said quieter and her shoulders sagged. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone; but it's eating me up inside. It never really mattered before, it really didn't."

"Start at the beginning," he prompted and refilled their mugs with more hot chocolate.

"I didn't know I had an uncle until I saw his picture in a magazine somewhere. The resemblance between him and my mother was so strong that I knew he was related somehow. I couldn't ask mother, so I read the article, found out who he was, wrote to him, and well, he wrote back, told me who he was, and we started to write regularly. That's why I tried so hard to get out of Durmstrang and come here. He wrote and told me a couple of years ago now that Lucifer Malfoy is not my biological father," she breathed out and realised just how serious it was that she had told someone.

"But you must not tell anyone you know this." She frowned darkly at him.

"Of course not!" He blinked, shock registering in his eyes at her words. "So, if Malfoy isn't your father…."

"Someone called Tobias Holland. When Uncle Severus first told me his name, I wanted to find out who he was; but he's dead, so what does it matter now?" she shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, to you it would probably matter quite a lot who he was," he said frankly, and Senga sighed in relief. She was right to talk to him, he would understand.

"But, see the thing is…" she stopped, her fingers tracing around the top of the mug "Mother knows, according to uncle, but my father doesn't. But something has happened, and it means that he's going to find out pretty soon. The other thing is this Tobias Holland wasn't pure-blood."

"Oh." Neville stared blankly at the floor at he took digested her words. 'Oh' wasn't the best thing to come out of his mouth, but it was all that entered his slightly numb brain.

"So, not only will he find out that I'm not his, both of them will also find out I'm a half-blood."

"Is this going to be a problem?" he asked, knowing that he'd probably just asked a very stupid question.

"Of course it is!" she cried. "Being a Mudblood is no better, probably worse, than being a Muggle for them."

Neville winced at the word and sent her a dark look.

"First of all… Don't use that word. It's nothing better than a crutch for people who don't have the intelligence or courage to try and find out about someone they don't understand." He took a deep breath "And you are far too intelligent to hate something you don't understand."

She blinked at his outburst but acknowledged it with a nod and whispered, "Sorry."

"Well, don't let me hear you using it again!" He nodded sharply. "Secondly, well, there I'm at a loss as to how to help you."

"You can't," she said sadly. "I'm just…." She shook her head, feeling weak again as more tears threatened to fall.

"Just?" he prompted.

"I'm frightened," she admitted so softly that she wasn't sure she'd even said it, but he heard it all the same. He could almost feel it from her.

"What of?" He could guess but he figured she needed to say this aloud.

"How they will react. How they'll react to me. If they don't want me any more; hell knows they don't want me that much as it is. But he's gonna find out, she's gonna find out, and all hell will break loose, I know it!" Her voice rose slightly before she quickly reigned herself in and took several deep breaths to calm her voice and the rise of panic in her chest.

"Your Uncle will not let anything happen to you. That I can vouch for," he said quietly.

"I know…" she nodded.

"Do you?" he questioned her softly. "Do you really?"

She looked at him, confusion in her eyes.

"Then why don't you tell him this?" he asked quietly. "Tell him you're frightened. Tell him what you think is going to happen."

She shook her head and contemplated her boots sadly.

"It's not that easy," she whispered.

"Why not?"

"What am I going to say? He'll just think I'm being silly; which I suppose I am," she sighed as the edges of panic receded and reason set back in.

"No, not at all; there is nothing silly about being frightened, Senga. Everyone gets scared sometimes. I know I do and for not nearly as good reason as you do." He shook his head, not meaning that quite how it sounded.

"I would love to sit here and say you have nothing to worry about, but I can't do that. I have no idea what will happen when they find out. I now how I'd react, but I'm not your father, or your mother. Your uncle knows them; he knows how they'll react, and if there's anything I know about your uncle it's this: he will have worked out exactly how to handle the situation. He will not allow you to get hurt more than he can help." He ran his hand through his hair again. "I'm not doing well here… talk to him, Senga." Neville gave a shrug. "But believe me, being frightened isn't being silly. Only an idiot never gets scared, and you are far from being an idiot."

Senga blinked and set her mug down.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I never meant to off load so much onto you."

"Why not?" he asked clearly surprised. "That's what friends are for!"

She looked at him. She had two truly good friends. One of them no longer here, but already she had received an owl from Hannah, vowing that she would write once a week to Senga, and if Senga didn't write back she'd send her howlers instead. It had made Senga smile and realise that the end of her world hadn't arrived with Hannah's departure; although, it had certainly felt like it.

She smiled at him, a true smile that reached her eyes.

It had felt better saying it all out loud. She doubted very much that she would say anything to her uncle. What difference could he make? What could he say that would make it all better? He could tell her that he would never allow her parents to hurt her… but how could they not? If they turned around and said that they no longer wanted her, no longer had a place for her in their grand scheme of life, if the man she had called father for twelve years turned around and disowned her, how could her uncle stop that from hurting? How could he keep her family together if her father decided he couldn't trust his wife anymore?

Senga closed her eyes and once more felt the burden of fear settle over her heart. She had to close it all off, push it far back in her mind: if she didn't, it would drive her mad.

"Mr Longbottom?" Came a high pitched call from the doorway. "Mr. Longbottom. Professor Sprout…oh." Pandora came into view, and Senga was unable to hold back her groan.

Pandora looked from Neville to Senga and back again. A hard speculative gleam came into her eyes.

"Professor Sprout asked me to ask you if you could go to the Great Hall please, a delivery has arrived or something," Pandora smiled sweetly at Neville.

"Thank you. I'll be right there." He stood up and looked pointedly at Pandora, dismissing her with his look.

She smirked slightly and quickly left.

Senga groaned again and stood up running a hand over her face.

"Merlin forbid that she ever finds out I'm almost a Muu…." she faltered under his stern gaze.

"I always find the word 'Muggle-born' quite sufficient," he said sharply.

"You sounded just like Uncle Severus then," she sniggered at him.

His eyes rounded at her words.

"Merlin forbid!" he said in mock horror. "Look, Senga, I have to go and help with these Portlilows or Hogwarts may never be the same again. Talk to your uncle, and remember you can talk to me whenever you want. I can't promise I'll say anything intelligent, but I will listen."

Senga smiled genuinely at him.

"Thank you." She watched him walk off with a wave of his hand. "I've missed you," she whispered.

She realised then that she truly had missed him, she couldn't manage by herself. She could try and convince herself that she didn't need anyone, but she knew it would be a lie. She could try and shut herself off from everyone but eventually she would only die inside from loneliness. Life wasn't meant to be spent alone.

* * *

Pandora whispered quietly to her friends, and the entire group burst into wild laughter.

Senga looked up from her book and frowned at them. But they just looked innocently at her and went back to sniggering together. Senga slammed her book shut and got up.

"Oh Senga?" Pandora's falsely sweet voice stopped Senga from going out the door.

"What?" she spat.

"I just wondered when you'd be seeing Neville again, I mean, Mr Longbottom." The other girls sniggered, but she kept her face straight.

Senga frowned at her.

"Mr Longbottom? Why?"

"Well, you seem so attached to him," she breathed and pretended to fan herself.

Senga snorted in disgust.

"You've got a dirty little mind, Pandora, shame there's nothing else between your ears!"

"What?" Pandora twisted her face nastily at Senga. "I'm not the one who spends all of her time fawning over Mr Longbottom."

"Shut your face Pandora, before I shut it for you," Senga hissed darkly.

"Try it Malfoy, and I'll make sure you won't walk for a week." She got up slowly, her hand going for her wand.

"Be still my beating heart," drawled Senga in mock amusement. "You really frighten me Pandora. Although, yes, you do really frighten me; one day you may even pro-create and that thought is horrific! If anyone could stand to be that close to you, that is!"

Senga opened the door and, smirking at the outraged look on Pandora's face, she slid out the door and closed it behind her.

"See I told you!" Pandora said excitedly. "She never denied it did she? She has a crush on Mr Longbottom."

The other girls began murmuring as Pandora began to exaggerate what she'd seen in the greenhouse.

* * *

"Megan! Are you out of that bed yet?" Snape's dark voice drifted in from the living room.

"Yes," shouted Meg, still lying flat out on the bed, the covers tucked around her chin. She was comfortable and had no desire to leave the warmth of the bed for the chill of the early morning Quidditch pitches.

She heard movement coming from the living room and drew the covers right over her head.

"I'm in the bathroom," she called out, her voice muffled by the blankets.

"Really," came a dry smirk from above her. The covers were drawn back, and Snape smirked down at her, his hair falling forward to obscure most of his face.

"Gone are the days you could curl up and pretend to be the blankets in a heap," he smirked, his hand resting on the considerable mound that was now her belly.

"I know; but you can't blame a girl for trying can you?" She smiled at him. "Do I have to go out there?"

"It's not that cold, and it'll do you good to get some fresh air…" his eyes narrowed wickedly. "Poppy said…"

"Oh damn Poppy!" Meg snarled, "I love the woman! But you'd think she was the father the way she clucks over me!"

As the months had passed, Poppy had become more and more protective of her, even going so far as drawing up a complete menu that the house elves had been given strict instructions to follow. And they were not, under any circumstances allowed to let Meg in there and eat the wrong foods. Meg was convinced that with the amount of fruit and vegetables she was made to consume she was having a rabbit!

"Poppy has your best interests at heart," he chided her gently.

"I know," she sighed and held out her hands to him. "Hoist me up please, kind sir?" She grinned and he stood up to help her up.

She sat on the edge of the bed and had a strange feeling low in her stomach.

"Something wrong?" he asked, noticing the frown on her face.

"No." She shook her head when the feeling quickly passed. "Just hungry!"

"Well… if you'd got up when I first told you…" he drawled.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'd have the lovely prospect of a bowl of satisfying lettuce leaves for breakfast!"

He snorted and went back into the living room, his voice drifting in to her, "Your lettuce leaves will get cold if you don't hurry up!"

"Oh joy," she grumbled and shuffled into the bathroom, hearing his laughter.

She stood by the sink and contemplated her reflection carefully.

No grey hairs yet, a few laughter lines around her eyes… oh Merlin! A rush of water flooded down her legs, and she cried out in shock.

She heard Snape come rushing out of the living room as she looked down at the pool of clear water she was standing in.

"What is it?" he demanded and followed her gaze to the floor.

"Oh…." He was obviously at a loss, for once. "Well, don't worry, it'll clear up. The baby must have sat on your bladder awkwardly."

"It's not that Severus," Meg said carefully and a wave of fear mixed with excitement filled her.

"Pardon?"

"I think my water's broke," she muttered and reached across for a towel. She stood back and bent awkwardly to start mopping the floor.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" he snapped angrily. "Get up! You shouldn't be bending. Just stay there…. No, don't stay there, come into the bedroom."

Meg looked up at him and witnessed something she thought she'd never see: Severus Snape almost flustered.

She laughed and let him lead her back into the bedroom.

"What's so funny?" he demanded as he sat her on the bed and crossed to the fireplace.

"You," she said calmly and rested her hand over her belly. "Why don't I feel any pain?"

"You want to feel pain?" he asked her incredulously as he grabbed a handful of powder, threw it in the fire and shouted Poppy's name.

"No, of course not! It just seems… well, I thought I'd be rolling in agony by now," She finished talking as Poppy stepped out of the fireplace, wiping the soot from her aprons.

"If you were rolling in agony at this stage, the human race would have died off by now my dear," Poppy informed her with a big beaming smile.

Poppy took charge and instructed Snape to help get Meg on the bed.

After a rather undignified exam, Poppy announced it would be a good few hours yet and to call her when things really moved along; she would be getting a bed ready in the infirmary.

Meg watched as Poppy disappeared via the fireplace and then she looked back at where Snape was sitting beside her, looking a bit shell-shocked.

"What?" she asked him softly

He blinked at her and shook his head.

"This isn't right!"

"What isn't?" she frowned.

"This is two weeks early! I hadn't arranged for…" he saw Meg's eyes widen in anger and he scowled darkly.

"I'll have to get Lupin to cover, and I'll work out my exam rota later."

"Exactly," she spat.

"I was just commenting that's all!" he said huffily.

"You were whinging," she corrected. "The baby's coming now and you'll just have to deal with it, Severus."

He raised one black eyebrow at her but choose to let it slide. She did have a point after all.

"What do you want to do?" he asked quietly. "I have a new potions paper we can go through together. It would pass the time…"

"Excellent!" Meg smiled at him. She didn't feel a thing and with no pain came no fear. It was as if it were just another day.

She felt rather cheated.

* * *

Meg walked around in a circle for the hundredth time, one hand on the small of her back, the other holding her forehead.

"No. No," she said shakily, "there is no way the effect would be that positive so close to the spelling stage!"

Snape was standing by the bed, his robes and jacket had been abandoned a few hours earlier and he now stood in just his shirt with his sleeves rolled up.

He couldn't care less if the potion imploded on contact with the cauldron. His black, watchful eyes held anxiety in them as he watched his wife, in obvious pain, try to keep her mind centred on the potion paper they had been reading. Poppy had moved them up to the infirmary when Meg's contractions became regular

A contraction hit her, and she bent double gasping in pain.

He was in front of her in an instant; her hands gripped his arms painfully as she fought against the pain rolling down her stomach.

"Okay, okay, okay," she repeated the word over and over like a mantra till the pain subsided and she was able to stand up and look into his black eyes.

"How far apart?" she asked breathlessly.

"About five minutes," he replied. Holding her shoulders tightly, he pulled her towards him and hugged her close.

"I think we should call Poppy," he said and for an instant she heard the panic in his voice. It sent shivers down her spine, made her fear increase ten fold.

She backed away from him.

"Don't you dare get wimpy on me," she snarled at him, and he blinked in surprise. "I need you Snape, don't you make me even more scared!"

He registered immediately what she was saying and nodded, his eyes hardened, and she saw only love in their black depths.

She sighed and sat back on the bed Poppy had prepared for her.

Snape sat on the chair beside her and took a deep silent breath.

In all his life he had never felt more inept, never felt more helpless than he did now.

"I can't believe that wizards with all their abilities and skills can only use bloody gas and air like Muggles," she wailed as she lifted the mask that was attached to the bottle of gas.

"The potions or spells could..." he wisely shut up when he saw her glare at him.

"I know what the potion and spells can do," she hissed. "I was merely saying how stupid it is!" Her fingers clenched the sheets and she clamped the mask over her face, dragging in the gas that helped to blur the rolls of pain that overcame her.

He had never felt so glad to see Poppy as she came round the curtain with the Midwifery witch in tow.

"Hello, Megan," came the calm and soft voice of Helena. "How are the contractions going?"

"Painfully," she admitted.

"It won't be much longer now, and you'll have a lovely baby girl to hold," she said reassuringly, and Meg smiled serenely up at the woman, in complete trust of the young woman who was going to help her. The gas and air was beginning to kick in, and Meg felt strangely light-headed.

Helena came up beside her with something that looked suspiciously like a syringe.

"What do you think you're doing with that?" demanded Snape.

"It's a pain reliever, and it will help speed the birth along. It needs to go directly into your blood stream and this way is the quickest," she answered, talking to Meg.

"I really…" Snape began doubtfully

Meg glared at him as she let Helena inject her arm.

"I really need you to shut up," she hissed, totally missing the medi-witch sending Snape a 'don't listen to her' look.

"And if you think you are _ever_ getting your hands on me again, you can think again," she snarled at him.

"Would it help if Severus rubbed your back?" asked Poppy as she came in with a bowl of water.

Meg nodded violently, and Snape immediately slid his hand under her back and began to rub the small of her back.

She gave a moan of relief and tried to smile at him.

"I do love you…" she muttered.

He leaned over her and kissed her temple.

"I love you too."

"But I meant it when I said you are never touching me again."

* * *

Senga was sitting eating her lunch when a beaming Professor Flitwick came trotting up to her.

"Senga, my dear, would you follow me please?"

Senga stood up immediately, her eyes going to the two empty places at the staff table. She wondered….

Flitwick waited until they were outside the doors before turning to her and beaming at her again.

"Your uncle has asked to see you. Your aunt has had the baby."

Senga blinked in delight and then grew serious again.

"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Both are well… now off you go. Quick as you can!" He watched as she all but ran down the corridors to the infirmary.

He rubbed his tiny hands together and headed back to the staff table, itching to tell all the staff that Severus was now a father: a prospect that both filled him with horror and delight.

* * *

Meg couldn't drag her eyes from the tiny infant lying in her arms. The little girl's cheek resting onher chest, the tiny mouth open slightly and the even smaller eyes shut.

"Isn't she beautiful?" cooed Poppy, peering over the side of the bed. She looked up at where Snape was sitting; his hands clenched together, his eyes glued to the tiny baby in Meg's arms.

"How about a quick hold, Severus, and then I really must clean the little darling up. Helena has run a bath for you, Meg. Maybe you, Severus, can help Meg while we get baby cleaned, weighed, and dressed more comfortably."

Meg looked up from her tiny daughter and across at Snape.

His face had taken a strange rigid expression, his lips thin straight lines, and his eyebrows drawn together quite fiercely.

"Severus?" Meg held her breath slightly, unsure he would want to take the tiny creature still covered in the blood and mucus from birth.

"She's asleep," he grunted. "I wouldn't want to wake her." He stood up and pulled the chair away from the bed, his eyes still on the sleeping baby.

Meg blinked but remained quiet. She surely hadn't hoped for miracles.

"But Severus…"

Meg shook her head at where Helena had blinked in surprise at the dark man.

"No… I would really appreciate that bath." She relinquished her hold on the baby to Poppy, who was hovering, itching to get her hands on the small baby again.

Delight lit her features as she bustled off, cooing softly to the child.

"How do you feel?" came Snape's dark voice in her ear.

Meg looked up at him and grimaced.

"As if I just got run over by a freight train," she admitted.

"Can you walk?" he asked, a quick glance showed him the two witches were both cooing over the baby now.

"Yes, of course," Meg nodded and moved to slide out of the bed. She wasn't ready for the pain in her stomach or the intense feeling of exhaustion that washed over her and then remained, making her feel very light-headed.

Snape took one look at her deathly pale face and caught her to steady her.

"Don't rush; you lost a lot of blood."

"I feel it," she whispered shakily.

"Poppy will give you an Iron Replacement Potion after your bath," he said softly and very gently helped her to stand.

"I had no idea…." Meg leaned heavily on him. "I don't feel so bad at all…" she grinned up at him.

He looked down at her and frowned.

"You still have the effects of the Muggle drug in your blood, not to mention the gas and air, and I would imagine your adrenaline is still on a high. I would not be at all surprised if you don't feel this 'good' in a few hours."

"Well thank you Mister Encouragement," she said dryly.

"Just warning you," he said quietly and helped her into the soapy, warm bath.

Meg gasped as the water turned red instantly.

"What…."

"You did loose a lot of blood, Megan," he said quietly and, with his wand, cleaned the water only to see it redden again. He did this twice more until she was sat in clean warm water.

Meg sighed and closed her eyes.

Snape sat on the edge of the bath and ran a hand over his face.

He'd seen worse sights, seen people suffering far more pain than Meg had. But nothing had affected him quite as much as seeing Meg in pain.

She had not made a noise during the entire birthing, except for the occasional grunt of exertion. But he thought he could have borne it better if she'd screamed. He had been warned by Poppy several weeks ago that she might scream; she had said that some women used the screaming as a way of venting the pain. She had also said that she might well hurt him considerably if she was holding his hand during the birth. But Meg hadn't held his hand, hadn't screamed. She had gripped the sides of the bed for support and had clamped her mouth shut.

She had done it all by herself. He had thought at first that she wasn't even aware he was there, but when he took his hand away from her back, she had looked up at him, red in the face, and cursed him fluently, telling him that if he removed his hand again, she'd remove it for him permanently.

Any other time he'd have smirked at her, and returned some sharp reply, but he was unable to say a thing; watching the whole thing unfold in front of him had knocked him sideways.

He had seen their daughter as she had come out, heard her take her first hearty scream. But he had been removed from it. He had looked at the tiny baby in Meg's arms and it hadn't seemed real, as if he was were watching a play that he was taking part in.

He hadn't realised how hard on Meg it was going to be, and a small part of him would never forgive himself for being the cause of that pain. Unwillingly and unknowingly maybe, but all the same he had caused her pain.

That baby would be their first and last.

* * *

"Oh she's adorable."

That was Minerva.

"She has your eyes, Severus!"

That was Albus.

"Let's hope she doesn't have his temperament!"

That was Black. Black? Who let him in?

Snape's head jerked up from where he had been sitting beside Meg's bed, his eyes half closed: fatigue had caught up with him too.

"What's he doing here?" Snape snarled. "I didn't think they allowed animals in here!"

"Severus!" Meg's voice caught his attention, and he looked round at her.

She was looking exhausted, her face whiter than the sheets she was lying against.

He looked around and saw the baby being held by Minerva as a group of the teachers all grouped around the bed.

He looked back at Meg's anxious face, her eyes were huge and he clearly saw tears forming in them. He stood up and crossed to the group.

"My wife is exhausted. You may all return, well nearly all…" he shot Black a venomous glance, "in a few days when she has had time to adjust."

Minerva nodded and placed the baby back in her crib. Snape folded his arms, glaring at them.

Albus smiled and nodded his head. "Severus is quite right. We are too much too soon."

They backed away calling goodbye and well dones to Meg, who managed to keep smiling until the last teacher went through the curtain and then the tears fell.

"I'm sorry," she wailed as he swooped down on her and gathered her to him.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep," he muttered. "I have no idea what Poppy was thinking allowing that many people in here so soon."

"Excuse me…." A very tentative voice came from the curtains.

Snape looked up and saw Senga sticking her head around. "Can I come in yet?"

Snape opened his mouth to say no, but Meg spoke up first.

"Yes, Senga, of course, come in. Excuse me, I'm feeling really, really tired," she sighed and sank back against the sheets, taking one of Snape's hands in hers.

"Try and sleep," Snape said softly and gently stroked the hand he held. In seconds Meg's eyes were closed, and she was fast asleep.

"She's so small," whispered Senga from the side of the crib

"Quite!" Her uncle let go of Meg's hand and came to stand beside Senga as they both peered at the sleeping baby.

"What are you going to call her?"

"We have no name yet."

"How about… Avalon," she said and reached out one finger. She hovered over the baby, unsure whether to touch her.

"She's a child, not an Island," Snape snorted softly. "I imagine we'll pick something sooner or later."

"What colour are her eyes?"

"I haven't seen them myself yet, but your aunt assures me they are black."

"She's a Snape alright then," Senga said and was unaware of the slight bitter tone in her voice.

"They may not stay that colour; according to Poppy they can change in the next couple of months."

"They might be that odd colour like Aunt Meg's," Senga mused.

"Or like her brothers."

"Where is Uncle Jack?"

"I have no idea. Professor Hooch has owled him, so I have no doubt he'll be arriving soon." Snape did nothing to hide the dryness from his voice.

"I like him… he's…." Senga frowned, "I don't know… laid back, I suppose."

"Hum…." Snape raised one eyebrow.

The baby shifted slightly and opened her mouth in a big yawn.

"What does she feel like?" asked Senga. Ever since she had laid eyes on the small baby, an urge to pick her up had started to grow, until now her hands almost itched to hold her.

"Pardon?" He frowned at Senga and saw the look of sheer wonder in her eyes.

"Sit down." He pointed to the chair he had just stood up from.

He watched her obey and then he looked down at the baby in the crib: Now to get her from the crib to Senga…

He rolled up his shirt sleeves and peered down at her. How did he hold her without crushing her, or worse, making her cry which would wake Meg up? Obviously he couldn't pick her up by her neck like mother cats did with their kittens. Or could he? No, that was ludicrous.

Okay then… he frowned darkly at the sleeping child, his hands hovering over her.

He muttered under his breath and stood back. He retrieved his wand from his pocket and levitated the baby straight from the crib and over to Senga.

"How do I hold her?" asked Senga, the baby hovering in mid air, completely oblivious to its condition. Senga was holding out her hands as if she were about to catch a ball.

"Um, keep your arms straight and I'll…" He lowered the baby gently till it was lying across her hands.

"Ohhhh!" Senga wasn't ready for the feeling of holding a newborn baby and tears sprung to her eyes as she instinctively cradled the child close to her, its cheek close to hers.

"She's so warm! And soft," she cooed in delight and looked up at her uncle. "So what am I to her?"

"Cousin," he replied and sighed. At least that had gone well, Meg was asleep, the baby was still asleep and safe in Senga's arms, and not crying on the floor as he'd imagined it would be if he'd tried to pick it up and dropped it. Which was, of course ridiculous, he handled volatile potions on a daily basis and never dropped one! But then volatile potions didn't possess arms and legs that tended to waver dangerously if said child was awakened.

He looked down at his niece, who was staring transfixed at the baby. He turned and went to look for another chair.

* * *

"You look absolutely awful, sis!" Jack swooped down and kissed Meg's cheek before plopping onto the chair.

"Thanks," Meg drawled dryly and then grinned at him. She looked down at the sleeping child in her arms and then back at Jack.

"Want to hold your niece then, Jack?"

"Of course," he insisted and stood up to take the baby carefully but competently.

"Where did you get the know-how of holding babies?" asked Meg in surprise as she watched him gently cradle the child, not at all disturbing her.

"I stayed with a commune for a couple of months a couple of years before I came back. There was no end to the number of little tykes running around. My friend there had just had a baby boy… you get used to it." He shrugged. "Sleepy little thing, isn't she?"

"She only seems to wake up at night and when she wants feeding, which won't be long now."

"Nocturnal? Like her father," he snorted. "Where is he anyway?"

"Trying to sort out his schedule with Remus. She's a bit early, it's caused problems."

"None that can't be fixed I'm sure," he said and sat down as the baby began to disturb in his arms. She woke up and gave an almighty yawn before bawling loudly.

"Great Scot! Who's lungs did she inherit?" he laughed and handed the baby back to Meg, who settled it to her breast discreetly, where it began to suckle happily.

"Yours I think," she replied and yawned.

"How are you feeling? I mean really feeling?"

"Shattered, happy, sore." She shrugged slightly. "I didn't get much sleep last night, none at all actually. I couldn't help but just watch her; she's perfect."

Jack smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"Just like her mother then," he said softly.

"They would have loved her, wouldn't they?" she said and felt a sharp pain as she thought of her parents.

"Devotedly. They would have been besotted, and I know they would have been very, very proud of you!"

"I hope so." She closed her eyes as fatigue washed over her again.

"Do you want me to get Poppy. You've gone very white, kid!" He leaned forward again in concern.

"I'm okay. I get really tired still."

"Well, it was only yesterday!"

"Yeah, and it was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done," she sighed heavily. "I never thought that just sitting up would make me feel so washed out."

"Time for your Iron Potion," came the dark, slow voice of Snape from the curtain that still concealed her bed from the rest of the ward. The following day she would be moved to a smaller room off the main ward area.

"Severus!" Jack stood up and nodded at him. "Congratulations, she's beautiful."

"Thank you." Snape took his words with the grace that Jack gave them and inclined his head to him.

"I've got to go and see Hillary before I leave…. oh I nearly forgot!" He reached into the inside pocket of the black bomber jacket he was wearing and drew out a pink bear with a white tummy and big cheeks.

"If you squeeze its cheeks it plays a tune and they light up. Suppose to help her sleep or something." He held the bear out to Snape as Meg's hands were full.

Snape took it with one eyebrow raised.

"Didn't have it in black, old man," Jack grinned at him and swept out of the room, whistling softly.

"Insolent idiot," Snape said, but there was no malice in his voice.

Meg smiled at him and watched as he sat down and deposited the bear on the bedside table with one last highly doubtful look.

"Has everyone been in?" he sneered as he took in the huge amount of gifts, toys, flowers and cards that were arranged on the table, the bear just about squeezing on.

"I think so. Even a few teachers I don't think I've ever seen before… someone called Rondle?"

"Runders," he corrected. "He's assisting Vector for the year."

"Oh." The baby finished feeding and she lifted her to her shoulder and gently rubbed her back.

"Severus, we are seriously going to have to think of a name. Albus is insisting on Candice Rainbow, and says if we don't hurry up and choose, he'll do it himself."

"Stands to obtain a fortune if we call it that; besides, I refuse to call my child anything that vaguely resembles a sweet."

"Her, she's a her, Severus, not an it," Meg sighed slightly.

He frowned at her but remained silent.

"How about Ruby?" Meg mused, deciding now was not the time to nag him about his attitude. She just didn't have the stamina that kind of argument would involve.

"Naming her after a stone? Ruby is… it, _she_, doesn't look like a Ruby. I have yet to see her eyes, until I have seen her eyes, I refuse to name her."

"Well holding her might help!" Meg snapped, tired with him being so difficult.

"You're winding her."

"You could do it," Meg pointed out quietly.

"I have to teach second years in ten minutes. I refuse to let them see me with sick all down my robes."

"A quick cleaning spell would work," she persisted, watching him avoid her eyes.

"Maybe so," he said vaguely. "Did I tell you that Senga knows Longbottom is leaving now? She took it badly, I'm afraid."

His ruse to change the subject worked.

"Oh did she? What did she say?"

"Nothing really. She has pushed it to the back of her mind which means when she comes back here next year and he's not around, it will hit harder."

"Poor thing. Is she coming here after class?"

"Yes, she's seems to have developed quite the soft spot for the child."

"She's good with her." Meg smiled and brought the baby forward until she could look down into her closed eyes.

"She's asleep again. Here, you can hold her now," Meg said brightly.

"I would not like to wake her," he said quickly

"You wouldn't. And she won't be sick either," she continued a hint of exasperation colouring her voice.

"Nevertheless," he said briskly and stood up. "I have to go and prepare the classroom. I will see you after classes." He leaned over and kissed her forehead before leaving the curtained off area with a swish of his robes.

"Damn the man," hissed Meg.

Meg was still mentally fuming when Senga poked her head around the curtain.

"Senga!" Meg brightened considerably.

"Hello!" Senga came in and sat beside the bed, her eyes automatically went to the baby curled up on Meg's chest.

Meg smiled and moved, holding out the baby to Senga.

"Still no name?" grinned Senga, taking the baby and settling it on her shoulder as if she'd been doing it all her life.

"No, your uncle can be somewhat trying; every name I mention he sneers at or just does that face of his."

"Yes." Senga nodded knowingly. "I suggested Avalon but was told she isn't an Island."

Meg sat up slightly and winced as a ripple of pain went through her.

"Do you want Madam Pomfrey?" Senga asked in concern.

"No, no it's fine honestly, still a bit sore." She smiled at Senga. "I like the name Honor, but he snorted and replied that we could always give her Justice as a middle name as well."

Senga giggled and stroked the baby's soft, downy head gently. The small amount of hair she had was jet black, just like her fathers.

"How about Alice?" Senga suggested.

"Nice. I like Lucy. My mother was called Lucinda, but my father always called her Lucy." She smiled in memory.

"Lucy. That's okay." Senga sat back slightly as the baby nuzzled into her neck and gave a soft whimpering noise.

"Have you heard from Hannah?" asked Meg.

"Yes, she's coming back in the summer holidays to see her gran. I was going to ask you later, but I wondered if she could stay with us for a bit when she comes over."

"Well, it's fine by me and I know your uncle won't object. But you have to check with her parents first."

"Oh they don't mind…." Senga realised that she had let it slip that Hannah had already asked. "She asked them first… it would have been pointless asking you if they said no anyway."

"Of course," Meg grinned. "How's she settling in anyway?"

"Alright, she sounds happy." Senga frowned slightly.

"And how are you?"

"Okay," Senga blinked rapidly. "I'm going to miss helping in the greenhouses next year though."

"Oh yes, Neville…" Meg frowned "But I'm sure Professor Sprout would still want you to continue to help."

"Do you think so?" she asked doubtfully.

"I'm sure so. She told me the other week how much help you've been. They've accomplished a lot this year with your help."

"Mr Longbottom said I could carry on helping. It'll just seem strange..." she faded off and Meg felt sorry for the girl.

"I'm sorry, Senga," she said softly.

"What for?" Senga looked up at her, puzzlement on her face.

"You've had it so hard this past year, and I haven't been much help to you!"

Senga looked away and concentrated on the tiny hand that was curled into a fist on her shoulder.

"I don't need any help."

"Well, maybe not help, but I haven't really been around to talk to you much lately. I'm sorry."

"No problem," Senga murmured, and Meg could hear Hannah's influence on Senga's speech.

"I don't want you to think I've pushed you aside for her." Meg's eyes went to her daughter.

"I don't," said Senga, surprised at Meg's words.

"Just because we have her now, doesn't mean that we care any less for you. In fact, nothing would ever change how we feel for you."

Senga looked at her aunt and blinked.

"She's your daughter, of course you love her more," Senga stated baldly. "Or at least I would think you would."

"Not more, differently," Meg amended. "She's tiny, small, but I'd do anything to protect either of you."

Senga's face cleared of emotion and became as blank as she could make it.

"You don't believe it do you? You don't believe that both your uncle and I love you."

"I'm just…" she stopped as the baby in her arms began to shift restlessly, her tiny head trying very hard to lift from her shoulder. "I'm disturbing her," Senga finished.

"No, she can hear you; she's trying to see your face. That or she's hungry, again!" Meg grinned.

She held her arms out for the baby, and Senga handed her over carefully.

"I'd better go actually, I have a load of homework to go through."

"Okay, but remember I meant what I said. We do love you Senga."

Senga slipped out of the curtain, a small smile on her face.

Meg settled the baby to her and sighed as she thought about Senga.

* * *

Snape let out a silent sigh as he stood outside the door that led to the small anteroom off the infirmary. He would have come back an hour ago but he had managed to take as long as possible cleaning and preparing his classroom for the next day.

And then Albus had dropped his 'surprise' on him.

Albus, interfering old fool; but he knew it was actually standard policy. He had just forgotten.

He had a week's Paternity leave starting from today. He had a lot of work still in setting the exams that would begin at the end of May, and it was only three weeks away. And now one of those weeks would be taken up with… he felt a twinge of guilt. Ordinarily he would jump at the chance to spend a week with Megan and not have to think about school, but that was before.

The baby was now two days old and the feeling of complete ineptness had escalated. He didn't know what to do with a baby; he didn't know anything about them. He'd spent some time reading through the books that Megan had, but nothing had prepared him for the actual birth. If he closed his eyes he could still see the amount of pain she'd been in… the blood she'd lost…

He shook his head to rid himself of the images and opened the door.

The curtains around her bed were pulled back and her bed was empty. The cot beside the bed was also empty.

Concern shot through him: every time he'd come up before, there they'd been. Usually the baby curled in her arms as she stared down at it in contentment. But now, there was no sign of either of them. He looked around the small room; everything else was still there, all the gifts they'd been given.

Frowning darkly, he swept back into the main area and walked towards Poppy's office.

Poppy's office was empty too, and there was no sign of the Midwifery Witch either. All her equipment had been removed and the small area Poppy had cleared for her was once more Poppy's coffee area.

Concern changed to fear.

What if something had gone wrong?

He snorted they would have come and fetched him straight away. But what if they hadn't had the time to get him….

He turned to where the bathrooms were and went in there, knowing that if that was empty too, then something had definitely happened.

His mother had died shortly after childbirth, and while he would never say anything to Megan, it had been there at the back of his mind.

His swung the door open with a bang and made Poppy jump.

"What's up?" she asked in her sharp voice, expecting to see a student.

"Severus!" Meg was half sitting on the edge of the bath where Poppy had laid a smaller baby bath over the top. Meg had the baby cradled in her arms in the warm soapy water.

Relief washed through him as he took in the scene.

"I wondered where you were," he said, concern making his voice sharp.

Meg's smile faltered and then became falsely bright.

"Poppy has been showing me how to bathe her; she loves the water, Severus."

"Wonderful," he grated. "I'll be in your anteroom."

He turned and went out, banging the door shut behind him.

He knew he'd been hard, too hard, and completely unfeeling. He knew he'd hurt Megan with his attitude. He knew he was a bastard. Nothing changed there then.

Meg winced as the door crashed closed and blinking, looked at Poppy.

"I shouldn't worry too much dear," Poppy said gently, her eyes and face filled with concern.

"I'm not," Meg said brightly and promptly burst into tears. She lifted the baby from the bath and wrapped her in a warmed towel.

"I mean I'm not worried at all," she sobbed loudly. "I knew he didn't want her, didn't want any children. I should have realised that this would happen… but…"

"Give him time, my dear, he just needs time."

"How long? Twenty years? Just in time to send her down the aisle with a 'oh, by the way, I do love you.' Might just be a tad too late then, Poppy," she sobbed, her voice rising.

Poppy watched with concern, while inwardly cursing Snape with every hex she knew.

"I don't think he'll ever be different…." she wailed.

"Well…" Poppy disposed of the water and watched with a mixture of pride and concern as Meg carefully dressed the baby.

"I've known Severus a long time, more years than I care to admit to. If there was someone who I thought, and indeed the entire teaching staff thought, would never fall in love and get married, it was Severus." She set the bath on its edge inside the bigger bath and looked back up at Meg. "He has changed before, he can change again."

Meg set the baby on her shoulder and nodded, wiping her eyes with her other hand.

"I suppose I should go and see him."

Poppy nodded and watched Meg leave the bathroom sadly.

Meg came into the anteroom slowly, unsure if he'd be there. But he was; he was stood by the window, staring down at the grounds below them.

"Severus…" Meg winced as pain shot through her stomach area.

He turned, hearing the edge of pain in her voice.

"Should you be carrying her so soon?" he demanded and marched up to her.

"It's okay… but maybe." She held out the baby wrapped in a shawl and almost thrust her into his arms.

His arms came up, and she let go to totter to the bed before gently lowering herself down.

Severus stood in the middle of the room, the baby in both hands at arm's length.

"What…."

"Sit down, it's easier. She doesn't weigh much, but it's surprising how quickly she gets heavy; then again that could just be me." Meg watched as he blinked at the sleeping baby in his hands, his face a mask of complete and utter surprise.

He walked forward till he could sit on the chair by the bed, the baby still at arm's length.

Meg sighed and hoisted herself up on the bed, tears threatening to fall again.

"I'll have her…" She looked back and was surprised to see that he'd brought the baby closer to him. He still held her in his hands like a book, but he was peering into her face.

"When will she wake up?" he asked quietly.

"When she's hungry probably; at the moment it seems to be every two hours."

He blinked and stared at the baby. Meg smiled softly and laid her head back on the pillows. At least he was holding her now.

Snape didn't think he'd ever, ever felt anything like it. He couldn't recall a moment when he'd even held a child, let alone a baby. He had never seen much of Draco when he'd been a baby, and of course he'd never seen Senga at all before she came here. But this… was indescribable.

The baby was as light as a feather, even though he knew it was a healthy eight pounds four ounces. He brought the baby closer to him and looked with intent at the tiny screwed up eyes, the slightly puckered mouth and the even smaller button nose.

One hand had escaped the wrap of the shawl and was poking out of the side of the white wool. The fingers were long and pink with the tiniest nails he'd ever seen. He couldn't help but compare his thumb nails to hers. The baby gave a tiny mewl and her mouth opened, but her eyes remained closed. Her tongue came out as her mouth made opening and shutting motions.

"What is she doing?" he asked Meg without taking his eyes from the tiny pink tongue that seemed to be searching for something.

He got no response from Meg, and he risked a quick glance to see that she was fast asleep. The baby mewled again and he blinked quickly, trying to think what to do. He knew Meg was exhausted, and he didn't want to disturb her.

"Quiet," he said in his soft but dark voice.

The baby mewled again and the tongue became more frantic.

"You'll wake up Mega…I mean your mother…" He shook his head and closed his eyes. How ridiculous could he get? Talking to her like that, as if she could understand.

The baby shifted in his arms and the sudden fear that he would drop her made him bring the baby in even closer to him, till she was close to his chest. He moved her in his arms until he was more comfortable and could look down into her face.

Slowly and falteringly the baby opened her eyes, and he saw them for the first time. He peered down at her, a dark frown between his eyes, his mouth formed into a slight grimace.

"Your eyes are not black, are they?" he said quietly. "They're a very dark blue; like navy." He frowned and brought his face closer till his hair slipped forward and brushed against her face.

She mewled and brought her mouth round towards it, trying to get it into her mouth.

"You can't eat my hair," he snorted and pulled back up slightly.

The baby turned and he was once again caught by the way her eyes moved restlessly, never quite focussing on anything.

"You have your mother's appetite I hear," he drawled. "I believe if she could, she too would eat every two hours. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion she does." He settled back into the chair comfortably, realising that when he spoke the baby tried very hard to focus on where his voice came from.

"What shall we call you?" he mused. "I don't suppose your mother would stand for calling you 'bug.' Although, I think it rather fits. You have the look of a disgruntled Mandrake Root when it's first pulled. However, I'm sure she won't stand for it at all…."

He leaned forward again, and her eyes finally caught his. She didn't blink as she lay there staring up into his midnight black eyes.

Snape felt as if every last drop of breath had left his body and he would never breathe again.

This was his daughter. Formed from his blood and the love he had for the woman lying in the bed beside him. His daughter.

He stared down at her, their eyes locked as he saw his entire future and his past come together. Everything became clear, crystal clear. Nothing else mattered. This was what everything had led to. This was his future. Here in this room, the woman he loved to distraction and the baby in his arms that he now knew he would love forever.

"Clarity," he said out loud. "You are my Clarity."

* * *

"Clarity?" squeaked Hillary. "That's not a name, it's a situation."

"It's her name," Snape repeated from his seat beside Meg, who was discreetly feeding the baby.

"Clarity Snape?" Hillary continued. "But Meg… tell him…"

"Her name is Clarity Anna Snape," Snape all but barked.

Meg looked sharply at him; Anna had been her mother's middle name.

"Anna?" her eyes filled with tears, and she looked over at where Jack was sitting at the window, reading a magazine. He looked up briefly and shrugged at her.

"I like it. She would have loved it," he said simply and went back to his magazine

She looked back at Snape and smiled softly.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

He leaned forward so that his mouth was next to her ear.

"You are welcome," he breathed. "I would do anything for you… both."

A/N: Wow! You made it to the end and you're still breathing and conscious? Thank you!

I really hope you enjoyed it and I hope I haven't put anyone off child birth.

I actually found this rather hard to write, as I didn't want to put too many details in… yuch! But I hate the sort of things when it's all over and done with and the woman has a great figure and can do the leap frog minutes after giving birth.

It just doesn't work that way, unfortunately.

So Meg will be hobbling around and still looking like she's swallowed a watermellon for a few weeks yet. Having said all that, holding your baby for the first time is just… out of this world and is a very life-defining moment. Everything does kinda click into place (Well it did for me).

It's no bed of roses though! Sleepless nights, trying to function on four hours sleep a night when you still feel like Hell is no laughing matter. Abby is now 2 ½ and I'm still waiting for a complete night's sleep! But she's worth it!

I hope you liked the baby's name as well….

Anyway now you've all sworn to remain childless ;-)

Thank you to everyone who reads this! Thanks to everyone who leaves those reviews that just make my day!

BlueFrost: Hi! Thanks for reading.

Laura: I'm sorry! I should have made it clearer! The H word is "Hormonal". Every time Meg starts to get upset, cry, or annoyed with Snape he puts it down to her being Hormonal rather than admit the truth that she just may have a point. She hates the word which is why he teased her by saying "the H word". Sorry!

Eyebright: Thanks!

Mione: I hope you like this chapter! It sounded as if you didn't have a good time on holiday. I'm sorry, that's such a shame!

Rubberducks: You were mentioned in the film! Have you seen it yet? I won't say where you're mentioned in case you haven't! But you are officially famous!

Calvin: Neville will come back…. I have that all planned out grins evily. And if you think Snape and Neville have confrontations now…. (better shut up now or I'll give it all away!) Thanks for the lyrics they'll help later! I know what's going to happen to Senga and I can say that she will be happy, eventually, it's how she gets there that may be a bit painful… but one thing that's certain, I never write unhappy endings… too much sadness in real life to read about it as well… well now you know you don't have to carry on reading! Did I mention I have a big mouth?

Jen: It's hard when you loose friends. Sometimes it's just a progression of growing up. My best friend in Primary School, I haven't seen in ages (She's in Uni now). We're still friends but just not as close and we keep in contact through her mother but it's not the same! Our Comprehensive had a policy whereby when you went in, they made sure that they split friends up… there were four houses, a lot like Hogwarts but the names were called after famous people, like , Tremayne, Drake, etc. And then each house had two or three groups again. They even split twins up into two groups which I thought was horrendous! There was a method to their madness as you certainly made new friends but even so…. You certainly drifted from your older friends and you just never saw each other!

I remember that I went through seven years there and in my last year I discovered that two girls who I'd been friends with for seven years were in actual fact unidentical twins… I had always assumed they were cousins because they were in different houses and had looked so different! What a shock! Especially when I found out I was the ONLY one who didn't know they were twins…. Talk about slow!

Anyway, enough rambling! Thanks for staying with me! ;-)

Carmsfic: I hope you liked this chapter! Thanks for reading and being so nice!

Myst: Hope you liked it. Thanks!

Amy: See… I'm blushing now! Thank you! I try to work really hard to keep Snape in character as much as I can. The cannon Snape fascinates me! I'm glad you think it's working so far. As for Meg, I don't where she comes from… she just seems to write herself… does that sound stupid? Probably! Thanks again!

Kitten: Unhappiness makes for better happiness. What am I talking about? Hope you know what I mean! Thanks for keeping with me!

Chary: Snape holding the baby was hard to get to. I didn't think he'd jump all over her and demand his paternal rights… I also thought that in his own way he'd be just a little scared. I'll never forget my own husband who remained absolutely quiet for the last hour or two of the birth… I don't think he's ever been that dumbstruck… but when he held her… there was just something about his face… I don't know… He's absolutely amazing with her now… although she's out of nappies now, changing her was the only thing he wouldn't do… and I never forced him. Sometimes he had to, but if I was around…. It would be who changed her. Some people think he's bad for not helping there but I don't. There are some things a man can do and somethings he can't! (Which is why I guess we have the babies and they play with them!)

Abskii: Thank you… I'm not sure Snape will be holding any dirty nappies… have to wait and see.

Elvensorceress: Odile gets everything she deserves, I have it worked out how it's going to happen and I'm not completely certain that everyone reading it will like what I do… there goes my mouth again!

Frini: This chapter is even huger! (Is that a word? I don't think so!) Hope you like the name! I'm a bit unsure of everyone's response to it. But I think it fits…. Then again I'm not completely sane and you already know! ;-)

MCMish: Thanks for reading and enjoying it. Although I love reading reviews, it's second to people enjoying it. Did that make sense? Probably not! An occasional note just to let me know it's being read is great!

AUNTIEJENNY74: Thank you blushes again I hope you enjoy this one too!

Wyltk: I hope you like this chapter… thanks for reading.

Death of the Endless: Lova, I'm so glad to "read" from you again. It mean a lot when I see people coming back for more!

Penance: I was a pastel person. My poor baby was dressed in pinks and lilacs for the first year of her life! Neville's grown up hasn't he? I'm quite proud!

Lunarmouse: I'm sorry that you've had a bad time of it lately. I hope it all works out okay. Thanks for reading.

Lan: It's very cold here! 19 degrees and getting colder sobs . The heating is on and winter is here!

The ChicaChic: Everytime I read your pen name I always think of that film with Patrick Swazye (?), I can't think of the correct title but it had "Julie Newmar" in the title and they were drag queens. ( I hope I haven't offended you!) I just love that film. I thought it was exceptionally well done and as usual Stockyard Channing was great.

In fact… I want to watch it again now I've thought about it.

Rugi: Kids are very good at hiding their feelings. I now a girl whose just turned thirteen and in the last four years she lost her brother, mum and dad, to look at her you'd think she was just your normal child, but when you get close and really look, you can see the damage that's been done. It's so sad.

Moldanubikum: Another long chapter. I just hope you like it. Senga is a little lost at the moment but it will work out. She has to find out who she is first and unfortunately she's the only one that can really do that. She can't talk to either of her parents but Neville tries to help.

Korinna elly: Thanks for reading. I hope you like this next chapter.

Martha and Squirrel: Thank you. Any review is welcomed! Especially from you two.

Well…. there's not a lot left for me to waffle about except that I hope that you all keep well and happy.

Look after yourselves! (Goodness! I sound like Jerry Springer!)


	43. Discovery

Usual disclaimer: I do not own anything and am not gaining anything from doing this except a good feeling

Updated: March 2008.

Usual disclaimer: I do not own anything and am not gaining anything from doing this except a good feeling.

Thank you to Camille for getting this back to me so quickly. And for picking up my errors plenty that they be. Happy thanksgiving to you and everyone who celebrates.

A few notes before I start. Firstly, this chapter doesn't have much baby/Snape interaction although it is there. Secondly this chapter is quite long (again!) but I needed to get this whole scene out with no break as it gets some things on the move.

Thirdly… hum… forgotten! No that's it! Morgana is Senga's true name and as far as Odile's concerned, her only name. (I'm not doubting anyone's intelligence to remember, it's just if you're like me, things kinda get a bit blurry. ( Or is that after the third G & T, or is that just me?) Most probably… and lastly…. I'm really nervous about this chapter (hence the babbling)… Hope you all like it.

* * *

This was not as easy as he had first thought.

He stared down at her. She stared back.

"Go on," Meg prompted softly from beside him.

"I will," he said, his voice edged with irritation.

He lifted his hands and settled them beside the baby's head.

"No, Severus, her nappy is on her other end," Meg's voice drifted annoyingly into his ear.

"I know!" he snapped and turned to glare at her. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"Better things than watch my husband change his daughter's first nappy? No, not really." She grinned mischievously at him.

"You annoy me," he stated simply, with just a hint of irritation in his voice now.

"Of course, it's my wifely duty," she returned quickly.

He slowly turned his head to pin her with a dark gaze. His eyebrows lifted wickedly as he let his eyes drift from hers to the bed behind her head.

"I know what your wifely duties are," he drawled lazily.

Meg blushed and swatted his arm playfully.

"You wish," she snorted and walked away towards the bathroom.

"Holding out on me, Mrs Snape?" he teased her mockingly.

"Oh, definitely! Yes!" she nodded quickly. "No way you are getting within ten feet of me for at least six years!"

"But I hold you in my arms every night," he smirked, unconsciously rotating tiny gentle circles on Clarity's cheeks with his fingertips, making her coo softly.

"Holding is fine! Holding is acceptable," she retorted. "Having is… wince inducing," she grimaced.

"I have no intentions of doing anything to bring you pain, Megan," he said seriously, "If I had known…."

Meg knew instantly what he was thinking about.

"Severus! It wasn't that bad. Well, yes it was, but it's over! We have Clarity and look how beautiful she is. Besides it was hardly your fault in the first place. If I learnt to watch my own potions…" She grinned happily. "And there's a reason babies aren't found under cabbage patches! I found out what it is the moment I held her."

"Cabbage patches?" he frowned. "What on earth are you talking about? Did you steal one of those bottles of gas?" he asked suspiciously.

"No, mores the pity," she laughed. "Damn good stuff that," she sighed wistfully.

He snorted and, shaking his head, looked down at Clarity.

"Ignore your mother. As you grow, you will come to understand that she has these flights of fancy, take no notice, they soon pass."

"You do realise this is just all serious stalling on your part don't you," she said with a chuckle.

Snape gave a tiny smile to his daughter, mentally agreeing with his wife.

"Stalling?" he demanded. "I never stall!"

"Right, well, I need to go to the bathroom; I guess if you don't stall she'll be changed by the time I come back," she said airily and walked into the bathroom.

Severus stood up quickly and looked down at his daughter.

"This is between you and me," he purred down at her as he let his wand slip down his sleeve.

He smirked and cast a cleaning spell on his daughter's nappy. She cooed up at him, her arms waving in the air as her fists clenched and unclenched.

He heard movement from the bathroom and quickly hid his wand back up his sleeve, undoing her nappy enough to make it look as if he was just fastening it up.

Meg came out and saw him do the fastenings before wiping his fingers on a cloth beside him.

She blinked as she watched him pick the little girl up carefully and settle her into her cot.

He kept his face hidden behind his hair as he used the pretext of tucking her in to avoid looking directly at Meg.

"You've done it," she said happily and crossed to kiss his cheek before bending over the crib to coo at her daughter.

Snape felt a brief twinge of guilt before he dismissed it.

He hadn't been sorted into Slytherin just by accident. Besides, no harm was done and what Meg didn't know couldn't hurt her.

A knocking on the door brought both of their attentions away from the baby.

"Are we expecting anyone?" asked Meg.

Snape frowned.

"No, Senga is in class…" He went into the other room to open the door.

"Albus!" Snape saw immediately from the look on his face that he was unhappy at interrupting them.

"Severus!" He looked solemn as he unfolded his hands. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I felt you had to know."

"Come in." Snape stood to one side and let the older wizard in. He shut the door and watched as Albus went towards Meg and immediately began clucking over the child.

"Such a beautiful little girl, aren't you?" he cooed and, after getting Meg's permission, he reached into the cot, plucked her up, and held her so he could look into her eyes.

"Ah!" he said softly, "her eyes are darkening up I think."

"They're dark blue." Meg smiled. "I thought they were black they were so dark at first."

"I think they will be black, or at least a very dark blue."

"Albus." Snape's soft voice came from behind them. "You are always welcome here, but I don't think you came to discuss eye colour."

"No, alas, I didn't." He settled the baby against his chest where a tiny fist instantly found his beard to curl around and tug.

"What's wrong?" asked Meg concerned.

"I have received an Owl from your sister, Severus. She has asked for, or rather demanded, Senga's removal from the school."

Snape's eyes narrowed as he heard Albus' words.

"Did she give a reason?" he asked softly, his face completely devoid of emotion, but his eyes were hard and cold.

"No, she informed me that she will be coming here in person tomorrow to collect Senga and all her belongings."

"Have you told Senga this?" asked Meg in a shocked whisper.

Albus shook his head sadly.

"I came directly here." He stroked the back of Clarity's head gently. "Has she informed you of this decision?"

"No." Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. So, it had started and so soon; but then what else had he expected?

"Do you think she has got word from the Solicitors?" asked Meg quietly, fear had crept into her heart for Senga. She wouldn't accept that they would just allow the girl to leave.

Snape closed his eyes briefly before lowering his hand and folding his arms.

"I wouldn't think the legal wheels turned that quickly. But then I rather imagine Odile has been stalking the offices just waiting for the moment she can claim." His tone was dark and full of bitterness.

"May I ask to what you are referring?" asked Albus quietly.

Snape raised one black eyebrow and a tiny smirk lifted his lips.

"You mean to tell me there's something you don't know?" he asked darkly but without malice.

"There are a lot of things, unfortunately." Albus' smile quickly turned to a wince as Clarity tugged a little too hard.

Snape snorted and reached forward to gently untangle the tiny fist from the mass of white beard.

"You are already aware of why I was cut off from my father's estate. Well Odile doesn't match up to his high standards, so she will not inherit either; although, she wasn't aware of this." Snape didn't bother to keep the smug arrogance from his voice.

Albus blinked a few times and fixed Snape with a clear intent gaze.

"Senga?" he asked quietly. "Of course, it's Senga…"

"Yes, her true father was a half-blood, which thereby makes Senga half-blooded too."

"Is she aware of this?" Albus voice was very grave.

"Yes."

Clarity began to whimper and her tiny face screwed up as her fists started to flail around, catching Albus neatly on the chin.

"She is picking up on the mood," Albus said quietly. He gave the baby back to Meg, who snuggled her in and began to rock her to sleep.

"I will not allow Senga to leave tomorrow," Snape said, completely ignoring the fuss the baby had made.

"We may not have a choice," Meg said quietly.

"There are always choices," he snapped darkly. "Albus, did my sister give any indications as to where she is staying?" he asked dryly

"With Lucius and Narcissa," he said, stroking his fingers down his long white beard.

"Really?" one dark eyebrow rose sharply. "I was expecting her to have one foot, if not both, in Snape Manor by now."

Meg backed up and placed the now sleeping infant into the crib.

Snape went into in the living area followed by Albus and Meg. She pushed the door closed and carefully sank into one of the chairs.

"I will leave for Malfoy's place immediately," Snape said and crossed to the stand by the door, picking up his cloak.

"Wait! Severus!" Meg stood up quickly, ignoring the race of pain that went through her healing body. "You can't just go haring off, all guns blazing!"

"Pardon?" he looked at her in exasperation.

"Wouldn't it be prudent to ask Odile and Lucifer here tonight instead?" said Meg anxiously.

He looked at her as if she was out of her mind.

"With my daughter in the next room?" he asked her, his voice heavy with disapproval.

"You would be welcome to use my office, Severus. And I do think Meg has a point, getting Odile onto your territory would be an advantage," Albus said quietly.

"And closer to Senga," Snape added deeply. The long fingers of one white hand tapped impatiently against his chin.

Meg wondered just how much she could say to Severus in front of Albus. She looked between the two men, her bottom lip firmly in her teeth.

Albus sensed her discomfort and, nodding his head to himself, he moved to the door.

"Well, this is something you must talk about together, but I will be here if you need me, I have no desire to see Senga leave, not after she took such pains in getting here." He opened the door and, with a last long glance at them both, he left, shutting the door behind him.

"Severus, if she's with Lucius and Narcissa and she knows she's not going to inherit, Lucifer obviously hasn't disowned her, and we won't have a leg to stand on with Senga." Meg sighed and ran a hand through her hair, worry etched deeply on her face.

"Not necessarily. By all means, it is quiet possible she hasn't even told Lucifer," he said, his eyebrows drawn together in a deep frown. "In fact I'd be bound that she means to take Senga, return to the stone she crawled out from under, and try to keep this as quiet as she can."

"But what about the inheritance; he'll have to know some time."

Snape shrugged and crossed to sit in the chair by the fire, his cloak still wrapped around him.

"The Malfoys are rich beyond measure. Lucius may be the older child and stands to inherit the majority, but Julius Malfoy, their father, will have made certain that Lucifer won't be left cold, besides the man is, as I understand, rich in his own right. He accumulated a vast fortune in some nefarious trading. Odile isn't under any compulsion to grant him access to anything she stood to inherit."

"But what about the 'what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine?'"

"Each to their own, Megan; I highly doubt either of them played that way when they married. In fact, I know for a fact that they both were made to sign legal and binding papers that neither would put a claim on the other's inheritance at any time. My father in his views about money, and indeed other things, agreed very strongly with Julius Malfoy. Neither trusted the other and both were hell bent on keeping their property and money in their respective lines." He snorted darkly. "I think that must be the only thing my father has ever done which I agree with."

"You mean Lucifer may never find out she hasn't inherited…" Meg felt relief wash over her.

"Not if she doesn't want him to," he mused.

"Well that's something I suppose. We just have to convince them that Senga is in a strong position here and mustn't be removed, ever."

"Which is why I have to go and see Odile before she gets here. I need to know exactly which way things lie,I need to know if Lucifer knows, or if he doesn't."

"Then definitely bring them here. What better way to find out without giving away too much? If he has no idea, they'll both be here and we can, with Albus' help, ply a really strong case as to why she's academically better off here." Meg crossed to stand in front of him, her hands on her hips. "She does much better here than she did in Durmstrang; if she applied herself to potions the way she does flying she'd be teaching for me next year!"

"Yes, I know." He smirked as real pride showed in his eyes, quickly followed by irritation. "But she doesn't apply herself. She drags in third or fourth top in every class. Odile and Lucifer both know that she could be top every time. If it weren't beneath Odile, Senga would be receiving daily howlers for not being top!"

"But the fact remains she's doing better here!"

"But Odile won't be interested in her achievements outside of how well they make her look," he snorted. "She's only interested in one thing; grooming Senga to be just like her!"

"So we play to her pride," Meg replied. "We inform her how her grades have improved over the months, which they have thankfully," she added with a sigh of relief, "and how, by the end of the year, she'll be doing the best she can, which can only reflect well on Odile."

"But it's just a front with Odile," he said frowning, his mind working quickly. "But Lucifer, if he doesn't know that is, will be only looking at the surface. He's the one we have to convince, Odile is only interested in getting Senga away from me."

"Now, do we tell Senga?"

Snape's head shot up as he glared at her.

"Did you loose your brain along with all that blood?" he snapped.

Meg's face paled and then anger burned bright in her eyes.

"Don't talk to me like that," she whispered. "That was a nasty thing to say, Severus."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose again.

"I know. I am sorry." He reached forward and caught her hands in his. "It was uncalled for."

"Damn right," she agreed and then frowned at him. "You don't usually apologise so nicely, what are you leading up to?" She eyed him warily.

He stood up and loomed over her, but Meg refused to back up, instead she stared up at him. He gripped her shoulders and stared into her eyes.

"Megan, I love you," he said quietly, "and that is why the 'we' now becomes 'me.' I refuse to drag you into this. I will not ask her to come here; I will wait for her to come tomorrow. She mustn't know we're even remotely perturbed about this."

"Hold on! Hold on!" She brought one hand up to his chest and tried to move him back slightly but he didn't move. "Just back up to the 'we, me' bit and explain!"

"Exactly what I said, any interaction with Odile and Lucifer will take place strictly between them and myself, and Albus when it concerns her schooling. Having you there will only…." He stopped and frowned before narrowing his eyes.

"Will only what, Severus?" she asked dryly.

"Complicate things," he said firmly. "I already stand on shaky ground with them for marrying a half-blood. Any reminders…"

"Oh I see," Meg felt a sharp pain cut right through to her heart. "I'd make things harder just breathing the same air they do."

"Yes," he nodded, "although, I'm not certain I'd have put it quite so dramatically." He smirked.

"Don't smirk at me, Severus Snape! I'm not happy with it, not at all. I should be with you."

He frowned again before leaning his forehead against hers.

"I don't want to hurt you, but this is the way it is. They don't recognise you as family. They never will; you will be seen as nothing more than an interruption, an intrusion into what they believe is strictly family matters."

Tears filled her eyes, and Snape sighed before kissing her forehead gently.

"This has come at quite the wrong time, you haven't even got over the birth yet and here you are trying to deal with my family."

"I'm fine," she protested weakly.

"Yes, I noticed," he said dryly. "Bathing yourself usually renders you unconscious for two hours after."

"Okay, so I'm still quite tired, but I can still…"

"Megan, listen to me, for once just listen to me and do as I say." He kissed her nose. "Please."

"Okay, but if she even gets any ideas of…."

He cut her off with his mouth, swallowing the threats of blood letting that Meg declared she'd do.

* * *

Snape cast a cold, hard eye around the headmasters office and was satisfied. He was sitting to the left of Albus, who was behind his desk.

Two chairs were set on the other side of the desk, giving both Snape and Albus the ability to see both of the Malfoy's at the same time; that was if both of them turned up.

A soft knocking brought Snape's attention back to the door. Minerva showed Odile and Lucifer in and then went out, shutting the door behind her.

Snape stood alongside the headmaster; his black gaze went straight to Odile, but she was looking at Albus.

"Mr Malfoy, Mrs Malfoy, please do sit down." Albus smiled at them and waited till they were both seated before sitting back down himself.

Snape sat down, his eyes not leaving Odile's face, but she refused to make eye contact with him.

"Is she ready then?" Lucifer inquired in a soft but cold tone.

"I was quite disturbed that you should wish to remove Morgana from Hogwarts," Snape said with no emotion in his voice whatsoever.

"Her grades are not what we would wish, and while we don't want to besmirch the school's…ah… good name," Lucifer smiled coldly at Albus, showing clearly that in reality he thought nothing of the school's name, "we feel that perhaps Morgana would be better off being taught by a tutor on a one to one basis."

"I'm sorry you feel this way," Albus said clearly and swiftly, turned a ledger to face them. "You see, Morgana, has in fact make remarkable improvements since arriving here."

"Maybe so, but not quickly enough." Lucifer shook his head at Albus, ignoring the ledger.

"She is in her first year," Albus reminded them gently. "I'm confident that by the time the school year ends, as long as she doesn't have any interruptions, she will be top in most, if not all, her subjects."

"Quite a tall order to predict; even for you, Professor Dumbledore." Odile spoke for the first time, and her icy tones were clipped and tinged with contempt.

"No, no not predictions," he said, happily ignoring the tone of her voice. "I have seen enough students pass through these corridors to recognise potential when I see it."

He suddenly sat back and ran a hand down his beard.

"Tea everyone?" he asked suddenly, clapped his hands, and a full tray of tea things appeared right on top of the ledger.

Odile's lips curled as she raised one perfect eyebrow at the bone china tea set.

Snape smirked as he recognised the Castle's finest china. Only once before had he witnessed Albus bring out the best, and that was when Voldemort was once again vanquished.

"I'm concerned about her housing." Odile refused the tea with a brief shake of her head and a curl of her lips.

"We've been through this Odile. Twice," Snape said dryly, as he accepted the tea from Albus with a quite 'thank you.'

"Well, you might be happy to see your only niece in Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin." Odile pursed her lips and let her eyes meet her brother's.

The hatred and promise for vengeance that he read in her eyes didn't in the least faze him. In fact, he would have been greatly concerned if it hadn't been there.

"Morgana is highly intelligent." Albus nodded his head and sipped his tea carefully.

"Of course." Lucifer nodded. "And while it is highly unusual for a Snape and a Malfoy offspring to be placed in any other house than Slytherin, it's still better than being placed… else where."

Snape blinked slowly, his black eyes giving nothing away. Lucifer knew nothing about the Will. He looked at Odile, who was smirking at him quite evilly.

Snape decided now was the time, and he set his cup down on the tray and folded his hands in his lap.

"My thoughts exactly, Lucifer," he said softly. "Things could have been�worse, far worse."

It went unspoken between them that it was Gryffindor they were referring too. Something, that Albus knew, was wisest to let ride.

"But, of course, it goes without saying that Morgana would never have been placed in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. She is neither material, thank goodness. I think, in this instant, she has been placed correctly, over the past several months I have had the opportunity to watch her closely, and there is nothing in her character that would indicate to me that she would have been out of place in Slytherin." Snape mentally went through his list of good points in a Slytherin's character, which didn't take long. "However, her level of intelligence and understanding is what, I believe, led the hat to place her in Ravenclaw. In this house alone she will get the stimulus she requires to grow and increase in strength and knowledge. She is already a rather formidable witch."

"Indeed," Albus agreed quietly. "She has the hallmarks of a very strong witch indeed."

This was, as Snape knew full well, exactly what Lucifer wanted to hear and was, in no doubt, the argument that Odile had applied in removing her: that here she wouldn't be gaining the training needed to make her excel.

"In fact, I have given it much thought that she should in fact, after the summer holidays, receive extra tuition in the subjects she is strongest at," Albus said, and Snape gave absolutely no indication that this was news to him too.

"In which subjects?" Odile directed her question at Snape, trying to trip him up. Her plan was rapidly coming undone and, without seeming obsessive and giving something away to Lucifer, there was nothing she could do.

"Potions, Defence against the Dark Arts, Ancient Runes and Spell Casting," Snape said immediately, already knowing where her strong points lay.

"Really? Defence Against the Dark Arts and Spell Casting you say?" asked Lucifer, suitably impressed: subjects worthy of a Malfoy that would blossom into a Black Witch.

"Isn't that a little unusual for a�second year?" asked Odile suspiciously, her eyes narrowing on the older wizard. "Surly that kind of attention would come later on, nearer her O.W.L.S."

"Well, you know the saying 'the early bird,'" Albus said, pouring some more tea. "Here at Hogwarts, when we spot potential we focus in on it. We nurture our students and encourage them in any way we can. Of course ultimately the choice of her destiny lies within herself, but we will give her the instruction to discover and be able to use her power." He sipped his tea. "Given the opportunity of course," he added benignly.

Lucifer blinked silver eyes at Albus and smiled, or rather smirked.

"Excellent!" He set his cup and saucer down and picked up his white kid gloves from the table. "I see no further problem here, and I'm certain of course, with your training Severus…" he looked at him carefully, "she'll be nurtured in the correct direction."

"Naturally," Snape inclined his head slightly, his dark eyes never leaving Lucifer's.

"Excellent!" He repeated. The smile left his face and his eyes went hard and cold "Because it would be most disturbing if it transpired that we'd made the wrong decision in leaving her in your care," he was speaking to Albus, but his eyes never left Snape's. "After all, her best interests are what concerns us and if these interests were… failed in any way…" his eyes shot to Albus, "it would be most unfortunate, for everyone concerned."

"Indeed!" Albus said, giving no indication that he had registered the indirect threat. "But of course, that won't happen. Will it, Severus?"

"Certainly not. In fact, her best training is what motivated me to request her presence with me this summer," he said quietly. "I will be giving her one to one instruction on some of the … rarer spells and potions." His eyes flickered from Odile to Lucifer, his implication clear in their depths.

Lucifer nodded in silent agreement.

"This will be in Snape Manor I take it?" he asked rhetorically.

Snape looked at Odile but gave nothing away in his facial expression that he was surprised. It became crystal clear by that one comment that Odile hadn't even informed him that she'd stood to inherit in the first place.

"No, not this year," he said darkly and saw the rise of colour in her cheeks. It gave him immense satisfaction to see her almost squirm.

"Oh? Why's that?" Lucifer looked up from slipping on his gloves and frowned at Snape.

"Odile, haven't you told Lucifer yet?" he asked, his voice innocent but deadly.

"I didn't really think he'd be interested," she said coldly.

"Told me what?" asked Lucifer suspiciously. He turned to look at Odile, who had regained her composure and was smiling icily at Snape.

"I have acquired another house." Snape answered his question with just the right touch of arrogant offhandedness. "It needs some improving, and I intend to be there to supervise the changes."

"Oh really?" Lucifer smiled at the thought. "A bit of investing eh, Severus?"

"You know the saying Lucifer 'speculate to accumulate!'" he replied with a smug grin.

"Quite right!" replied the businessman in Lucifer.

"Well… hope it goes alright for you, Severus. Major work needed or just superficial?"

"Aesthetic," he replied, "previous owners were quite without taste," he said softly and in his opinion honestly, although he'd never tell Megan that.

"Right! Well we want to see Morgana before we leave. Send her up!"

Albus didn't bat an eyelid at the demanding tone Lucifer used, and instead, he stood up in one fluid but slow movement.

"I anticipated your wish to see her, so her House Master Professor Flitwick has arranged for you to meet her in his office. She should be waiting there now."

"Odile?" Lucifer stood up and looked down at his wife.

"I will join you presently Lucifer dear; I would like ten minutes to see my brother first." She smiled up at him and for one second Snape caught the real beauty of her face. A twinge of regret went through him. If only Tobias Holland hadn't died, who knows where, or even who, Odile would be now… but then again, she'd always been a nasty piece of work. His heart hardened once more, and his face and eyes closed down.

"Of course!"

Albus led Lucifer from the room. Odile waited till the door was shut and then she stood up and faced Snape.

"You evil, cunning, bastard," she spat at him, anger and hatred evident on her face.

"Evil? Possibly. Cunning? Probably. A bastard? Not at all; our father was quite married to our mother before siring me," he said calmly and coldly, no emotion showing, although his anger lay beneath the surface. But he couldn't afford to let her gain an inch.

Odile straightened up to her full height till she was almost on eye level with him.

"Don't for one moment think you can out wit me, Severus Snape!"

"Going to inherit then, are you?" he asked softly. "No, of course not, after all, it would seem that I'm not the only one to have half-blooded offspring." He shook his head and narrowed his eyes. "And a bastard as well."

Odile hissed and he saw out of his peripheral vision, her hands clench into fists. He was careful to watch for her right hand. He didn't want to have to face her wand, not just yet anyway.

"Odile, if you wish to play with fire, you have to accept that you will inevitably get burnt." His tone was soft and light, but his face was hard as rock and his eyes glittered black and bottomless, empty of emotion or reaction.

"How did you know about him?"

"Who? Tobias?" he asked and allowed a contemptible sneer to play around his lips. "You were never as good at covering your tracks as you thought you were."

"Oh, of course," she spat, "you always were a rat sniffing around, even then! You showed all the signs of being father's carbon copy!"

Snape's eyes narrowed at her words but he kept a firm hand on his emotions.

"How did you know though? How did you find out about To… him being half-blooded." Odile faltered every so slightly on Tobias' name, something which didn't go unnoticed by Snape.

"I overheard you talking one day and, unlike you, I did my homework. I knew even then he wasn't pure-blood. Although that point completely passed you, didn't it?" he sneered and let his contempt show completely now.

Odile narrowed her eyes at him and leaned forward slightly on the desk.

"You snivelling, eavesdropping…" she drew in a deep breath. "I underestimated you back then; it won't happen again. You may have won this round Severus, but don't even think the game is over yet!"

"Lucifer knows nothing does he?" Snape asked her softly, his voice deadly.

"And he never will," Odile spat.

"He need never know," Snape said his implication clear.

"I won't deceive you, Severus. I don't want Morgana within fifty miles of you, but at the moment it's out of my hands. But I will find a way, believe me, I will find a way."

"Morgana is safe with me."

"Is she?" she spat. "Lucifer may be convinced that you're still the evil killer you were, that your loyalties are intact, but I know you better!"

"Then why don't you tell him?" he returned coldly.

Odile looked him in the eye and sneered.

"I have, but you lie better than the devil," she whispered.

"You started this, Odile; you have no one to blame but yourself. Did you really think I would stand idly by while you attempted to destroy my life and my family?"

"I merely nudged things along a bit. It would have become apparent anyway, the Executors of father's Will would have found out by themselves. It's no big secret that you married un-pure blood." She lifted her head and looked down her nose at him. "You sealed your own fate the day you married her!"

"That may as well be, but it was my choice to make and I stand by it. I will always stand by it and whether you like it or not, I will be taking Morgana's care into my own hands!"

"Do you honestly think Lucifer will stand by and let you take away his only daughter?" she said angrily, her temper rising as he remained cool as ice.

"Rather a mote point as she isn't his daughter. How do you imagine he would take the news that not only was she not his child but that you've been deceiving him all these years?"

"You wouldn't dare." She leaned further forward.

Snape moved as fast as lightening. He swooped forward until his face pressed close to hers, his breath hot on her face.

"Try and take Morgana away and find out for yourself," he hissed, his most dangerous side at the fore now, all the hatred and anger he felt for her showing quite clearly on his face, even though he still held perfect control over his reactions.

"I'm warning you now, Odile, you make one more move to remove Morgana from here again, and I will personally see to it that not only does Lucifer find out, but that the Daily Prophet follows a close second! The Malfoy's won't take kindly to being deceived in such a way. You deceive one and you deceive them all."

He saw Odile swallow and fear flicker in her eyes. He was quite capable of carrying out his threats and she knew it. She also knew that he would be merciless in the way he did it.

"Would you destroy Morgana's family for your own interests?" she hissed sharply.

"No, but I would destroy it for her interests."

"She would hate you for it."

"Are you so sure?" he demanded. "Hardly the model mother figure, are you? You even forgot your own daughter's birthday. What kind of family life is that?"

"Father always forgot ours, and it never did us any harm at all," she snapped back defensively.

"Didn't it?" he queried sarcastically. "You hated our father as much as I did. That hatred was the result of the loving care he gave us." His tone dripped icy sarcasm. "What makes you think Morgana will feel any differently for you than we did for him?"

He watched as Odile blinked and something flickered through her eyes, but she carefully blanked her emotions again.

"This isn't over!" She smoothed her hands down her dress, and Snape didn't miss the tiny shake in them.

"Yes, it is," he retorted. "You said I was a carbon copy of my father don't find out if that still holds true."

"I already know," she spat back. "I had believed that marrying a half-blood had softened you somewhat. I thought that you maybe had become human, I was wrong. Father lives through you still, I see that now." She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed to the door, not taking her eyes from his once.

"Things shall remain as they are," she said with quite dignity. "I know when I've been beaten, but I do not like it. I would be watching your back from now on Severus. Blackmail has a nasty habit of backfiring."

"You would know, Odile." He didn't move from behind the desk. "But if I were you, I'd be more careful about the threats you deal out."

She sneered once more and, opening the door, stepped through to look back at him, her face cold and hard.

She didn't say anything before she closed the door, leaving Snape still staring at the door.

A flutter of wings brought Snape's eyes round to where Fawkes was preening on his stand.

"It's not over, is it Fawkes?" Snape sighed and sank down into his chair, his eyes closing and his fingers once more going to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Things have become so… dark," he whispered.

Fawkes swooped down from his perch and landed on Snape's shoulder. He nipped gently at Snape's ear until he brought his hand up and gently stroked the bird.

* * *

Snape sat in the chair by the fire, his eyes closed, and his head resting back against the chair. His long legs were crossed and his hands hung limply off the end of the armrests. He could hear Meg's vaguely off key voice gently humming a Muggle lullaby to Clarity as she tried to settle her to sleep in the bedroom.

He concentrated on the words she was singing, letting the tune drift around him.

_"Hush little baby, don't say a word,_

_Mama's gonna buy you a Mocking Bird._

_And if that Mocking Bird don't sing,_

_Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.._

He opened his eyes and, standing in one fluid movement, he crossed to lean against the doorpost leading into their bedroom.

Meg was sat on the bed, one hand rocking the crib gently, her other hand propping her chin up as she rested her elbow on her knee.

Her whole posture completely belied her gently, calm voice. Her eyes were closed, but even then he could see the dark rings under her eyes from lack of sleep. She looked completely exhausted and there was little he could do to help.

She had enough milk to keep Clarity happy, but not enough to make it possible for him to feed her with a bottle. Which meant the brunt of things was in Meg's hands and it was showing.

He watched as she opened one eye to peer down into the crib, still singing gently. Satisfied that Clarity was asleep, she stopped singing, stood up and saw him watching her. She brought a finger to her lips in a gesture for quiet and came towards him.

She stepped not more than two feet away from the crib and Clarity began crying.

Meg stopped and her shoulders sank.

"It's taken me ages…" she said with more than a hint of frustration in her voice.

She turned to sit back down.

He stepped forward and rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Go and have a bath, I'll get her to sleep."

"Sleeping potions?" she asked with a trace of her usual humour returning.

"If all else fails," he deadpanned and, leaning forward, kissed her forehead gently.

He swooped past her and leant over the crib, his black hair falling around his face.

"What's the matter with you, young lady?" he demanded, but his voice was gentle and soft. Clarity stopped crying, her eyes vainly trying to focus on the voice above her.

He heard Meg retreat into the bathroom with a grateful sigh.

Clarity was waving her chubby fists around in the air, her eyes darting around quickly.

"Here, I'm here," he said quietly and brought his face closer to hers till she focused on his eyes and held them.

He reached in and placed his hands on her upper arms, his fingers sliding around to cup the back of her neck gently. He lifted her easily and held her up for him to look at properly.

It wasn't the first time he'd picked her up, although he certainly didn't hold her as much as Megan did, but every time he picked her up her weight struck him. She was so light and so vulnerable, completely dependant, and so breakable. It frightened him at first; he was certain that just by picking her up he'd do irreparable damage. But each time he picked her up, it became easier and he became more confident.

He brought her up to his neck and his eyes closed when he felt her nuzzle into him, forcing her head as far under his chin as she could get it, her face turned into his skin, her tiny mouth against him, her breath warm.

He slid one hand under her bottom and with the other he cradled the back of her neck, his thumb playing with the soft downy hair that lay there.

He wasn't going to sing to her, that was for sure, but he did talk to her, in a gentle voice that every student in the castle would swear he just was not capable of.

"Your mother is very tired, isn't she?" he murmured his thoughts aloud as he began to walk back and forth across the room, half an ear listening to Meg running the bath.

"We have got to find a way to let her get her rest. She needs it more than I do. I will have to speak to Poppy, see if there is something that I can feed you with during the nighttimes, let her sleep. Of course if you decided to eat less… but considering you are your mother's daughter, I think that's unlikely." He paced back and forth, his eyes narrowed as his line of thought brought him back once more to his niece and Odile.

He had left the office shortly after Albus had returned, telling him that they had spoken to Senga, mainly to tell her that they wanted her to do better and that if she didn't start to improve they would remove her from Hogwarts.

Albus had said that he had seen the look of fear in her eyes, although she had remained outwardly calm. She had assured them that now she had settled down; she would work much harder and please them. They'd left shortly after, and he had come straight back up to where he knew Snape still was.

Snape had thanked him and left, coming straight down here, an inexplicable need to be in Meg and Clarity's presence.

He looked down at the baby in his arms and sighed deeply. He crossed to the crib and set her down very gently, pleased when he saw that she remained fast asleep.

He went into the bathroom and watched Meg as she lay in the water, her eyes closed, bubbles completely obscuring every inch from her chin down.

He sat on the wide shelf-like edge and stroked one long finger down her cheek.

"You shouldn't fall asleep in the bath, Megan," he whispered and saw her eyes fly open, still hazy from her dozing.

"I wasn't," she denied and sat up slightly. "So, how did it go? What's going to happen now? Is Senga staying?"

He blinked at the questions she was firing at him.

"Senga is staying here, and she is staying with us for the summer. As to how it went… not at all how I expected. Lucifer has absolutely no idea what is going on."

"So she hasn't told him that she isn't inheriting?"

"She hasn't told him that I've lost the inheritance full stop. Lucifer is obviously completely in the dark about the clause in the will."

Meg frowned up at him, surprised at his words.

"But that's good, right?"

"It would certainly appear to be in our favour," he replied cautiously. "Obviously Odile is in no hurry for Lucifer to find out anything; a few threats and she backed down."

"What did you threaten her with?"

"Informing Lucifer of Senga's lineage." He smirked as he remembered Odile's face. "I think the Daily Prophet may have slipped out as well."

"Severus Snape, you are evil." she grinned at him. "Has it worked though? Will she leave us alone now?"

"I rather think she will." He neglected to add 'for now, anyway.' He had no intention of worrying Meg with something that may or may not happen.

"Good." She smiled up at him but it faded quickly. "What is it?"

He looked down at her in surprise.

"Pardon?"

"You have that look about you; the one that tells me your miles away thinking dark thoughts."

"I have a look?" he asked doubtfully.

"Oh, relax! I've never seen it outside these rooms, so you needn't panic that the students will find a chink in your armour."

He frowned down at her and shook his head.

"Come on, what is it? Is it Odile? Is something going on that you're not telling me?"

"No," he said clearly, his eyes showing his emotions.

"Well, what then?"

"I think perhaps that you should be wearing your glasses more frequently. There is no look and there are no dark thoughts." He knew that he was deceiving her, but he wasn't about to voice his niggling doubts.

"Whatever!" She shook her head in mock exasperation. "Is it to do with Odile?"

"No, Megan." He rolled his eyes at her. "Just leave it, there is nothing wrong and there is certainly no more worry about Senga's removal from Hogwarts."

"Have you seen her yet?"

"No, I will see her tomorrow."

"How do you think she'll react?"

He shrugged his shoulders at her and sighed.

"How long is a piece of string?" he shrugged again and dipped his fingers into the water to see how hot it was.

"Twice the length from the beginning to the middle," Meg answered vaguely, her thoughts with Senga.

He looked at her in surprise and then a grin broke out on his face.

"Your brain is still intact I see!"

She looked up at him and grinned back.

"I am a clever girl, aren't I?" she asked him cheekily.

He thought of the baby lying asleep in the crib and smiled at her.

"Yes, you are."

A/N: Well there we have it. Another chapter. When is this ever going to end?

A big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this far, and a huge thank you to everyone who is kind enough to review.

BlackHedwig22: Thank you. Clarity's name came to me in a moment of… well… clarity. !

Chero-Angel: I'm glad your dad is doing better, my thoughts go with you. It's never easy on your heart. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. It means a lot.

I stalk Snape at weekends: I think that once Clarity gets mobile she'll keep him on more than just his toes… the time when everything remotely precious is raised six feet from the ground, and then when they get on their feet… well you kiss goodbye to anything you like… it just becomes baby fodder. Thanks for reviewing.

Kitten: I hope your trust isn't misplaced! Thanks for staying with me though!

Elle: It was a girl for two reasons. I never had any experience with baby boys… only girls. And somehow I just though that a girl will give him more grief when she's older. Can you imagine when she starts dating and brings them home to him…. Argh!

Dini40seven: Thank you for being so kind.

Christine: Thanks for the encouragment. It goes even further… plus the fact that I tend to ramble when I write ( and talk) means I still don't know how many more chapters it'll be.

Penance: Yeah… pain free birth! I wish too. However I do have to say that any real pain for me didn't kick in until about three hours before she was actually born (I was in labour for seven hours) yeah, the contractions hurt, but I was at my mum's with my niece and nephew (they were 7 and 5 at the time) and I was absolutely determined that I was not going to freak them out by making a big deal out of it. I think I bit through my cheek several times though! You say first child, do you have more than one? Was the second birth just as painful? Not as bad? Questions due to me considering having another baby soon. (I did tell you I was mad didn't I?) Thank you.

Grashopper: Thanks. Your mum is exceptional, I'm impressed! I know it happens but I can say with true sadness, I wasn't one of the lucky few. I think it was about four months before I got my waist back again…

Curry-Spice: Thanks for reviewing. As you've just seen he still isn't quite there yet with Clarity.

Mkawaii: Thank you very much! You flatter me! I'm sorry you lost sleep though, hope you didn't suffer because of it. Thank you!

Lunarmouse: Thanks for staying with me for so long… It's almost a year now and I know that when I first started this story I had no idea it was going to be so long… I know what you mean about your "clock" ticking. It's weird but when I was in my late teens and early twenties I just didn't want children. And then all of a sudden I hit 27 and it was wow! I would really like a baby. Now I've got her and I ain't letting go! She is my "arc", my moment of perfection. (even when she is being exceptionally naughty.) Anyway, thank you for staying with me and I'm glad you're feeling better.

Mione: Wait till the endless sleepless nights and dirty nappies and runny noses and constant feeding take their toll… the twinge in you just may well turn to fear! Only joking! I feel for you if you have a Pandora in your year, but I have to admit to basing her on someone that I've known now for a few years. She's not a child and she should know better… but there you go, that's life and it takes all sorts to make the world go round! Snape will come round to the baby soon, it's just gonna take him longer than most people. Neville, as usual will play a big part in the future, despite leaving for distant shores, I can't keep him out of it I love him too much. And thank you for your essential addition to your reviews… makes my day seeing that!

Lisa Parry: Thank you for leaving a great review. It makes my day, it really does. As for Snape, I think he has the potential for making a great father. Thank you for flattering me as well…. now I'm all red!

Eyebright: Adoption is good. Adoption is pain free. But as Meg tells Snape there is a reason we give birth, (I mean it has to be the women doesn't it? Can you honestly see a man giving birth? I think the morning sickness would be enough to render them unconscious for the next nine months! Excuse my out burst, but we've just got over the "tummy bug" in our house, kindly brought home from toddler group by my daughter. As you can guess… she was ill, I was ill but my husband was DYING!) Thanks for being so nice to me.

Rabble: I saw in WHSmiths that they've re-released the Magic Faraway tree and the other books. I don't like the new covers and I was glad I kept my old books… still, I much preferred the original Snap, Crackle and Pop ( which will mean nothing to you if your under twenty five and live outside of the UK.) so what do I know? HA! I could've done with your dad living close to me… I can count on the fingers of one hand how many nappies he changed. He's a modern man (?) in all other aspects… well… actually scrap that, I can't get him to do the dishes either! But he will wield the hoover and the duster, and he will bath her and horror of horrors, now she's out of nappies he's quite happy taking her to the loo… I asked him what the difference was and he just looked at me and said… "she would never keep still…" but then she does have him right where she wants him…. Hehehehe. Thanks for reading my endless waffle and keeping with me!

Frini: Thank you for keeping with me… you become a good friend and I'm glad your there. Oh did I tell you that you're absolutely stunning! As beautiful outside as you are inside.

Alicia: Thanks for finding my story, reading it and staying long enough to review so nicely. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Lynda: Thanks, I was quite concerned about writing about Meg giving birth, I wanted to show how Snape would react but at the same time it's not something I wanted to go into too much detail about. I don't want to be responsible for a drop in the birth rate! Thanks for reviewing.

Jo-Anne Storm: Thank you very much for your review. I love it when someone enjoy this story and takes the time to tell me so. I have everyone's futures planned… however I hadn't thought about Snape's daughter and Ron's child being friends… I think it would kill Snape off… makes me laugh! A certain type of vengeance.

BlueFrost: Thanks for reviewing. Snape is a bit slow on showing his feelings isn't he? But then I guess that is Snape.

Wyltk: Thank you for making me smile in happiness…. I haven't used their dictionary yet but I'm gonna try it and see what they say Clarity means… hopefully the same as my Websters… gulp.

Mary: Men have no idea about birth do they? My dad used to insist that it was just like shelling peas… my mum would get this pained smile that I now recognise meant "What would YOU know about it, you weren't even there but I can't possible tell her it was hell as it'll put her off for life!" dear of her…. He only used to say it to wind her up… back when I was born (too many years ago to mention) they didn't allow the fathers to be in during the birth and I think that he resented that a lot… not seeing us being born. Anyway, as usual I waffle! Thanks for reviewing.

Carms: Thank you for making me smile. I love it when people let me know they liked it.

Chary: Thanks! I couldn't see him being confident enough to reach in and pick her up and it just seemed to sit so well that he'd use magic to get her to Senga. Thanks.

Necrosia of the Moon and Night: Thank you. I think Snape will make a good dad once he get used to it… at least I hope he will.

Rugi: Nah! The end of the story is a long way off yet… remember how I waffle? That'll give you an idea… Senga needs to be alone right now… I have plans for her. Not evil ones… just plans… I just hope you like it when it finally does get done. Thanks for keeping with me.

Jen: I hope you weren't the brunt of teasing… it's cruel and I hope you weren't hurt by it.. But then some kids are evil aren't they? Some children put the fear of "god" into me…. Can't get Chucky out of my head… oh that was a doll wasn't it? Waffling again! Neville is my hero…. Thanks.

MCMish: It is hard isn't it? Being a parent should come with warnings and age restrictions and red lights flashing… am I being a bit overboard? Probably. Thanks

Fiona: Suggest a nickname? My dad deliberately gave us short names so people couldn't give us nicknames… y'know like Benjamin becomes Ben… well it backfired. He called me Ruth and I still get called Ruthie. Oh well! Thanks for reading.

Alexgray: Yeah I'd love to write my own books but I can't seem to get the courage to start… I get all these ideas and then I sit here at my keyboard and it goes again with shaky hands… oh well… who know one day maybe. I have one child and I admit to using my experience to write Meg's. I had no idea otherwise… that's also why the baby is a girl, I had a little girl and can write what girls are like… but boys are a mystery to me. Old and young! Thanks for reading.

Here and Now: Thank you very much and no, I wont be giving up just yet.

Angare: Thank you. You made me smile and I love smiling.

Coesius: I'm sorry you had a bad day when you read my last chapter… life stinks sometimes doesn't it? As for Snape and Senga having a "talk", the time is not far ahead when he's got to talk to her or loose her… damn I shouldn't have told you that… (Quote Hagrid, unquote). Thank you for putting a smile on my face!

The ChicChic: 2 hours? Blimey your mother is a miracle worker… although my midwife told me that the shorter the labour the harder the person has to work and that shorter labours can leave the person feeling even worse than someone who's been at it for hours… what does your mum reckon? I was 7 hours and felt like I'd run round the world nonstop twice. But then I'm a weakling anyway! Thanks Jj for leaving a review and making me happy.

Moldanubikum: Thank you for being so nice to me. I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter. I just hope you like this one too. It's quite a change but inevitable.

L. Jo: Thank you for reading and for reviewing. It makes me happy when others like this story too.

Annie: Thank you for making me smile.

Well… just this left. Thanks for getting this far and not falling asleep.

Have a great day wherever you are.


	44. Holidays

* * *

A/N: Updated March 2008.

A couple of things to say: Caius P. Snape and Pedimenta Snape comes from Obelix and Co. I have been in love with Asterix and Obelix since about first year in high school… which I think is now year 7 or 8, and this love has grown slowly over the nearly twenty years since I first picked up one of their books. The P in Caius P. Snape stands for Caius Preposturus and Pedimenta's full name is, of course, Impedimenta.

Oh and for the way I've portrayed the Malfoy brothers. I'm giving fair warning now that I don't think everyone is going to like it or agree with it. Explanations as to why I have them the way they are are at the end of this chapter.

Many thanks again to Camille's hard work and quickness is getting this back to me.

* * *

_May_

Snape watched the pupils with black, hard eyes.

He was just waiting for one of them to breathe out of turn and points would be removed, sarcasm given vent and his reputation would remain intact.

He sighed in pleasure when he saw a Hufflepuff, Tony Simmons, pass a note to another boy, Peter Burns, beside him.

"Simmons," he drawled softly and darkly, "would you care to inform me just what you think you are doing?"

The poor unfortunate boy looked up quickly and visibly shuddered.

Snape descended on the boy's desk and frowned down at him, his arms folded and his hair falling forward around his face.

"Well? I'm waiting, Mr Simmons."

"I don't know what you mean, sir…" The boy dried up under Snape's imposing glare.

Snape raised one eyebrow.

"Oh, really, Mr Simmons," he purred maliciously. "Give it to me, Burns!" He swept forward and, with a swish, unfolded his arms, sending his sleeves flapping backwards as he held out his hand to Peter, his eyes not leaving Tony Simmons.

He heard, rather than saw Peter swallow in fear.

The note was held out to him and Snape took it and opened it, letting his dark eyes drill into the now visibly shaking boy in front of him.

"Well, well what do we have here?" He lowered his eyes to the crude and rather rushed drawing of himself with wings sprouting out of his back and a halo, bent and twisted, hanging over on eye.

He looked up, and his eyes were harder and infinitely colder.

"Not exactly a masterpiece is it?" he drawled sarcastically. "I'm not even certain it's the right way up." He turned the drawing upside down and looked briefly at the picture before looking back at Simmons.

"Were you trying to imitate the doodling of a four year or are you this naturally talented?" He watched the boy colour up and shrink back from his angry glare.

"Perhaps you would benefit from detention this evening with Mr Filch," he said coldly and with satisfaction. "Seven o'clock. Don't be late." He screwed the paper up into a tiny ball and, turning, walked back to his desk, hearing the boy sigh.

He stopped and turned to pierce him with a black look.

"And twenty points from Hufflepuff for insolence."

The boy and the rest of his housemates groaned.

Snape went back to his desk smirking darkly. Hufflepuff was now twenty points lower than they were, and heaven knew they weren't doing that well anyway.

He sat down behind his desk and watched as once more the students began to write the essay he had set for them. He was certain that the rumours flying about "Snape getting soft now he has a baby daughter" would soon disappear now that he was back in his classroom and just as inhuman as before.

He sat watching them with black, sharp eyes, and it was with satisfaction that he saw no one else try anything.

His black eyes fell on his niece who was sat towards the centre back, her dark head bent over her work; he could see her ink stained fingers moving back and forth as she scribbled her essay. He knew that Filius had spoken to her about her extra classes. She'd given no indication either way as to how she felt about it, but he was certain that she'd much rather want to study than be removed from Hogwarts. His eyes went to the empty desk beside her and he sighed once again, this time audibly. Hannah had been gone for quite a few weeks now, and he could still see the effect it was having on Senga.

She had settled into what seemed to be a routine that suited her. She was on speaking terms with most of the first and third year Ravenclaws; the fourth years and so on were too "grown up" to speak to any of the lower years anyway. But he was aware she wasn't on speaking terms with the rest of her year, which must be hard for her. He knew that she shared a room with the four other girls in her year, but he hadn't known of any problems; or at least none that she was letting on about.

His eyes travelled to Miss Olsen and her friends who sat together, making sure that no room was left for Senga, not that she would chose to sit there anyway. He let his gaze travel round the room and sighed again as he saw, not for the first time, that she was the only one sat on her own. Everyone else had a friend, someone to sit beside.

She was so like him; but then unlike him as well. At least he'd had his friends in Malfoy, Grimes and the like. Well, "friends" was perhaps stretching it a bit far, but he had at least, someone he could talk to, plot with, scheme with and generally make the lives of James Potter and Co a misery.

Senga had no one, and it worried and concerned him, not because he wanted to see her being the life and soul of the party, like a regular Gryffindor, but because he knew the dangers of being so withdrawn.

He knew that she got on with Megan, perhaps even more so now the baby had arrived; he had spoken to her on a few occasions. But even so she needed friends her own age.

But it was just her first year; things could settle down, she could make more friends. But if she didn't…

The bell rang and he saw them all look up, their hands already packing their bags.

"Essay's finished by tonight, on my desk first thing tomorrow or five points will be taken. Get out!"

He watched as they left with audible sighs and groans of relief and general clatter.

He caught Senga's eye and indicated he wanted to see her without letting the other students realise.

She held back, packing her bag more slowly, waiting till the last chattering student left and she was alone with him.

He got up from his desk and came around to stand in front of it, leaning back folding him arms across his chest.

"Your aunt told me you would like Hannah Jones to stay for a week or so in the summer holidays."

"Yes sir, I won't let it interrupt with my extra studies though." Her voice was blank of emotion, her face averted as she finished doing up her bag.

"How do you feel about promoting most of your holiday to work?" he asked her softly. "And tell me what you feel, not what you think I want to hear." He commanded in a voice that brooked no argument.

She looked up at him and stuck her chin up slightly.

"I think it sucks," she said sharply, "but if it keeps my parents happy." She shrugged and looked back down as she hitched her bag over her shoulder and faced him, her eyes drifting to his collar and no higher.

Snape raised one black eyebrow; he had after all asked her to be honest.

"Don't you want to be the best you can?" he asked quietly.

She did meet his eyes then and he saw the puzzlement in them. He watched as she thought about what he had asked her.

"Yes." She half nodded her head, keeping it very close to her that she had no desire being "the best" in ways that would ultimately condemn her to the path her mother has chosen for her.

"You do realise that being top in all your classes, and I mean ALL your classes is the condition your parents have on letting you remain here."

"And if I'm not capable of that?" she asked, and, although she tried very hard to conceal it, he heard the self-doubt in her voice.

"Oh, you are capable, and they know this as well as I do. You don't apply yourself; you do all that is required of you to scrape B's when you could be getting A's every time. Why?" he frowned and she saw the puzzlement in his face and in his eyes.

She frowned, unsure how to answer him. It was true, she made no extra effort, only enough to keep her in the top four percent; she had thought that would be good enough. How naive of her! But what could she tell him? She was bored? He would see through that straight away. She hated studying? That might just work… She certainly couldn't tell him that she resented magic so much that even casting simple charms made her stomach churn.

"I dislike studying. I hate being cooped up in a stuffy library reading through books…"

"You must be the first Ravenclaw to dislike the library," he mused, his eyes watchful as he recognised her statement for what it was - a lie.

"Oh, I don't dislike the library actually…" She struggled to keep a balance, he knew that when she wasn't with Mr. Longbottom or Professor Sprout she was in the library.

"No?" he mocked her with a raised black eyebrow and resentment shot through her.

"No." Her chin came up as she stared back at him. "I don't hate the library, just the rather boring selection of books that is allocated for first years. I read most of those four years ago, and I was bored then." The Snape arrogance seeped into her voice.

"Is that so, Miss Malfoy?" he asked her quietly, the flare of anger burned in his eyes.

Senga recognised the mistake she had made the moment she had allowed her tongue to run away, but there was no going back and she wouldn't back down.

"Yes." She remained in eye contact with him, unaware that her fear was beginning to show in her eyes.

"If you have read these books before and found them to be less than educational, then being top of your classes wouldn't cause you to stir even remotely. Wouldn't you agree?" His voice was icy cold and hard as a diamond. His black eyes shone brightly with anger as they bored into her.

Her brain refused to connect with her tongue and her heart, instead, picked up the conversation.

"No, not really; I didn't say they weren't educational, just that I found them boring. I see little reason in being able to turn a pin cushion into a hedgehog." She didn't blink, although her eyes were close to watering and her fear was growing with every word that slipped from her mouth.

Her brain was yelling at her to shut up and beg for extra work, but she was fed-up with being a pawn in everyone's game, and her heart was over-ruling her head with frightening speed.

Snape was rigid as he stared at her. He had asked for an honest answer and he was getting one. He disliked the slight edge of insolence in her voice, but he was positive that it was a defence mechanism and nothing more. But he could see by the struggle on her face that she was being far more honest with him than she had intended to be. And it was scaring her. He had to struggle not to bark at her for being rude but he knew he had to keep this moving to arrive at the point he intended to go to: what she truly felt.

"Basic magic control," he replied quietly, a slight edge to his otherwise deceptively soft voice.

"I can control my magic," she said confidently.

"Can you?" He raised both eyebrows at her now and snorted with sarcasm. "You believe that you can control your magic. Were you controlling it the day you cast Amorphius on your fellow students in Durmstrang?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes, I thought of worse."

She watched as his eyes flashed with something she couldn't define. Her heart stopped beating in fear and her brain took its chance to reclaim control with a sickening jolt as to what she'd just done and admitted to.

"Is that so?" he said quietly; his blank voice and face gave her no indication as to what he was thinking or feeling.

She blinked rapidly and backed up one step, her resolve and her confidence crumbling before his dark gaze.

"Then perhaps extra lessons will be the ideal thing for you," he said quietly. "You can control what spells you use, but you can not control yourself. No curse should have been cast…"

"You weren't there," she whispered, even in her defeated state, resentment shone brightly. "You don't know what it was like."

"That is no excuse."

"No. It wasn't an excuse. It was a fact. I needed to get out of there and come here. I needed to do what had to be done."

Her voice hardened and her chin came back up as she found her courage again. "I would do exactly the same again despite how many pin cushions become blasted hedgehogs. I am…" she stopped and swallowed, shaking her head.

"You are what?" he demanded, standing up in one fluid movement and advancing towards her.

She backed up in sudden fear and sat down heavily on her chair, her bag clattering to the floor.

"What Senga? What are you?" he demanded, standing over her, his arms still folded across his chest.

"I am…" she swallowed again, "determined to stay here now that I'm here," she finished, although that had been far from what she was originally going to say.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said softly. "I have made it quite clear to your parents that you will be staying here to advance your education. It wouldn't be prudent to buck against it."

Senga was cornered and she hated it. She nodded at him and bit her lip.

He uncrossed his arms and dragged a chair to sit in front of her. He folded his arms on the desk and leant forward slightly.

"I am not prepared to loose you now you are here," he said quietly. "I am well aware of what your parents are really expecting of you, and I will not allow that to happen."

She stared at him; he was so changeable, so cold one moment, so hard and unreachable, and the next he was almost kind, almost loving. She was out of balance again and she so desperately needed for his words to be true. That he truly cared for her.

"But I need your co-operation." He blinked and, uncrossing his arms, leant down to retrieve her bag from the floor.

"I will do my best," she said quietly. "I will be top. I will do anything it takes to stay here; with you."

He didn't say anymore, just stood up holding out her bag to her.

She got up and took the bag, his fingers closing on hers.

"You have a lot of hard work in front of you if you wish to be top before the year is out. I will help you if you wish," he said it so quietly and softly that Senga held her breath, wondering if he'd really said it.

"Thank you," she replied. "I think I will do this by myself."

Snape smirked and let go of her fingers to rest his hand on her shoulder.

"You are a Snape, Senga." He smirked again and, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze, let go and turned towards the door. "You aunt has requested your presence for tea," he snorted dryly, changing the subject quickly.

Senga instantly brightened as she thought of the chance to play with Clarity.

She shouldered her bag and followed him out of the classroom. Her brain was no clearer, but her heart was lighter. Her aunt had made it quite clear that they both loved her. They were willing to face her mother and father to keep her here. She was more than willing to work at staying here.

She might hate magic with everything she possessed, but she wasn't above using it to save herself. As her uncle just pointed out, she was a Snape… and any means necessary was in order.

* * *

_Two weeks before end of term_

Lucifer sat at his big oak desk in his study. His grey eyes were narrowed as he sat reading the letter his brother had owled to him that morning.

He had read it at least five times, and he was nowhere nearer an answer. He picked up his quill, which was an impressive peacock feather overlaid with sheet gold and picked out with rubies and sapphires. It was the best, of course.

He drew a sheet of parchment towards him and dipped his quill into the ink pot. His hand poised over the parchment before he slapped the quill down, making a noise of disgust.

He rose to his feet, his face hard and cold. His fingers clawed over the letter and, crunching it up, he swept out of the study, the letter still clenched in his hand. He swept through the house shouting for his house elf to bring his cloak.

Odile came out from the drawing room, her face slightly puzzled.

"Something the matter, Lucifer?" she asked quietly, watching the tight look on her husband's face with care.

"That remains to be seen," he snapped and took the cloak from the house-elf without even acknowledging its presence.

"Where are you going?" she asked, beginning to follow him to the main doors of the large house.

"Lucius," he said shortly. "Don't wait dinner on me. I don't think I'll be back tonight. I have to Apparate three times." He turned to set hard grey eyes on her, but he didn't say anything else, just narrowed his eyes slightly and swept out of the manor.

Odile tapped a long finger against her chin, worry etched on her face.

"Is there anything Flevey can be getting you, Mistress?" asked the small elf from around her feet somewhere.

Odile sneered down at the creature and shook her head.

"Did I ask you to speak?" she inquired nastily. "If I require something you'll know." She swept away, her long black dress sweeping across the floor as she walked. She stopped at the stairs and, laying a hand on the banisters, she looked back the cowering house elf.

"Do none of you idiots know how to dust?" she asked coldly. "This place is a disgrace. I want every last inch cleaned before tomorrow. I have guests tomorrow and nothing must be out of place."

The house elf bobbed and curtseyed to Odile.

Odile pinned it with hard eyes as it stood there bobbing up and down.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Get on with it!" She turned and went up the stairs, her eyes narrowing as she thought over why Lucifer had suddenly decided Lucius needed a visit.

She knew that Lucifer and Lucius were certainly far more closer than she and Severus, but even so she had never known Lucifer to up and visit him that way.

She reached the stop of the stairs and summoned Flevey again. The house elf appeared with a pop.

"Has there been any messages today?" she asked.

"Four, Mistress; three for yourself and one for Master Malfoy." She bobbed again.

"When did it arrive?" she demanded.

"An hour ago, Mistress. Flevey fed Master Malfoy's owl herself."

"Master Malfoy?" Odile's eyebrows rose sharply as she dismissed the house elf.

So, Lucius had owled Lucifer first. Now why would that be?

She continued up to her rooms at the top of the house, her mind working hard. She sat down at her own desk and folded her long white hands together.

There was only one reason Lucius would invoke a response in Lucifer that way and that was if something was either terribly wrong with their father or there was other trouble in the family.

She doubted greatly it was Draco; according to Lucifer, Lucius hadn't spoken to Draco since he'd chosen a Weasley over his family honour. No, that wasn't the reason.

She frowned, and then her eyes closed as something clicked into place. Narcissa; Narcissa knew about the inheritance. She was willing to bet a hundred galleons that Narcissa had told Lucius that she was going to inherit Severus' fortune. And, in turn, Lucius had obviously mentioned something in the letter to Lucius, but then why hadn't Lucifer just asked her?

He wouldn't be surprised knowing that she hadn't volunteered that kind of information to him. So what had induced the sudden hurry to Lucius?

Her eyes narrowed even more, and she slapped one hand down on the desk. Had Severus stirred a few waves? Was he meddling?

She got up and paced to and fro; she needed a fool proof plan, she needed something watertight for Lucifer if he came back wanting answers; but then that all depended on the questions he would be asking.

She hissed violently. How she hated Severus. How she hated the perfect way his life had mapped out for him. He thought he could hide from her just how much he'd changed, but she'd seen it the moment she'd set eyes on that dumpy little witch that had wangled her way into his life. She knew he was behind this, and he'd have to pay for it!

* * *

Lucifer sat with his legs crossed and his finger steepled under his chin as he leant his elbows on the arms on the chair.

"Is there a problem, Lucifer?" Lucius looked across at his younger brother with just a hint of concern in his eyes. There was only a year between them in age and while they wouldn't win any affection awards, there was a bond between them that was strong. It wasn't motivated completely by love, nor by money. But it was motivated out of a strong sense of duty and family honour. Bonded was probably a better word to use than love, Lucius and Lucifer were bonded to each other. They always had been. Growing up with the kind of father they had, affection and endearments wasn't the way they acted to each other. It was more an unspoken bond between them, that no matter what, the other would be there if needed. There had been many times in the past that they had to rely on each other to keep the other going. Whether it had been after one of father's overly zealous training sessions for Lucius, or just one of the many beatings that Lucifer received just because he wasn't the heir and thereby not so important. To everyone who knew them and their past it was hard to comprehend that two brothers who could be so ruthlessly evil with other people, would have the capacity to care for each other.

Lucius remembered well, when Draco had become a turncoat, that Lucifer had immediately come to him, had stayed with him, not saying in words, but in actions that he was there if Lucius required him in any way. If you attacked one brother, you effectively attacked both of them. Were one was affected, the other was too.

And now it seemed as if the tables had turned, once again, and favours went the other way.

"Lucifer is there a problem?" he repeated slightly louder, leaning forward to see the grey eyes that so mirrored his own.

Lucifer looked up at his brother and his eyes narrowed.

"What exactly did Narcissa tell you of this inheritance?"

"Nothing," Lucius replied and opened the top drawer of his desk and rummaged around till he could bring out a paper.

He passed the Daily Prophet over to Lucifer who took it with a questioning look.

"Page twelve, section four, third line," Lucius added by way of explanation and sat back to watch as his brother found the appropriate article and began to read out loud.

_"Severus Snape, second child to Caius P. Snape and Pedimenta Snape has become a father for the first time by his wife Megan Kate Snape, nee Kincaid, only daughter of Ewan and Lucinda Kincaid._

_They have called their daughter Clarity Anna Snape and currently reside at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where Professor Snape is the Defence against Dark Arts master._

_Professor Snape up to this time was sole beneficiary of the late Caius P. Snape. However due to a clause in the will that has not been disclosed to the writers of this paper, Professor Snape is no longer eligible to inherit. Which means that Professor Snape looses all claims to any and all of his late father's estate; which due to sources undisclosed but substantiated, runs into the millions. Professor Snape was unavailable for comment._

_Interestingly though, the writers of this paper can state that so far, three of the main wizarding hospitals stand to gain a substantial amount of money upon Professors Snape loss. The Daily Prophet would like to take this moment to wish the best for Professor Snape and his family._

Lucifer looked up at his brother and frowned.

"Now I know why you were asking when we'd move into Snape Manor," he said curtly and slapped the paper back down onto the table.

"I don't understand why Odile has not claimed for the title. You really ought to get your solicitors onto this before those hospitals get their greedy fingers on it. As if they don't get enough out of us as it is," Lucius snorted and rested his head back against the dark green leather of his chair. He looked down his very straight long nose at his brother who was still frowning into space.

"Why has he lost it?" asked Lucifer finally looking up at his brother.

"Who? Snape? Probably by marrying that half blood! I was quite taken aback when he got married, but even more so when I learnt of her blood-lines." he sneered coldly and then his eyes narrowed as thoughtfully as his brothers. "But he's been married three years, it wouldn't have taken that long," he mused as he tapped his long elegant fingers against his chin.

"No, it wouldn't. Something else has happened that has invalidated his claim to the Will." Lucifer frowned again at his brother and sighed deeply. "I feel as if I missing something very important here. As if something is glaringly obvious and I can't see it."

"Odile hasn't mentioned it to you at all?" asked Lucius carefully.

"No. She's bitched about Severus claim on the estate since I've known her. I would have thought she'd jump at the chance to grab it out from under his nose. She never could get over his claiming it even though he was younger than her. And she never could resist a dig at her brother, she hates him. I find it rather distasteful," he added faintly.

"I suggest you find out why Severus has no claim now and don't let Odile know what you're doing."

"Are you suggesting I go behind my wife's back Lucius?" asked Lucifer and raised fine eyebrows at him.

"Are you suggesting you haven't before now?" Lucius countered and then broke into a feral, rather evil grin.

Lucifer smirked back at him and uncrossed his legs.

"Mind if I stay here while I dig about a bit old chap?" Lucifer dropped back into his more pleasantly blustering style that hid his razor sharp mind and bluffed most people into thinking he was harmless.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Lucius said, his own coolly aloft approach so different from his brother. "My house and staff are at your disposal, Lucifer. And I suppose since you're here we ought to visit father."

He stood up from behind his desk and stretched slightly; showing a weakness that he would never reveal to any other, not even Narcissa.

"Julius Bastard?" Lucifer sneered, using the childhood name that they had used.

"No, you're right of course. Waste of time. Doddering old fool can't even remember his own name let alone ours." Lucius reached into his drawer and drew out a ledger of black leather.

"I have a few contacts in here that might come in handy for you." Lucius smiled cruelly. "Some of them I've no doubt have completely forgotten that I have their names. It should be interesting if you need to call in any of these contacts. I would be more than willing to assist you if you require a little coercion."

"I'm quite adept at coercion Lucius," sneered Lucifer cruelly. "However, I wouldn't dream of stopping any fun we can have together."

"Excellent," came the cold evil reply.

* * *

_Last week of term._

Senga spotted the girls before they saw her and she backtracked down another corridor and stayed there, slightly hidden behind a stone column.

Senga felt heat burn through her cheeks. She knew she was running away, backing off; she was a coward. She had never thought the day would arrive that she wouldn't meet things face to face, that she would cower and try to hide herself away just because she was too cowardly to stand and fight.

She was glad her father and mother couldn't see her now. A Malfoy never ran. A Malfoy stood her ground no matter what.

But Senga was fed up with the whispered laughs and silly rhymes they made up, the notes left lying on her bed, saying how they'd seen her kissing Neville Longbottom in the greenhouses, or the magical spells used to cast love hearts above her head in the dormitories, with her and Neville's initials inside them.

They were never brave enough to do anything when any of the older Ravenclaws were around, but even so, they still whispered to each other and gave her sly winks and knowing nods.

Any other time and it would have given Senga enough ammunition to really give them hell. She knew she was capable of taking them all down. She'd fight them and win; she'd fight them dirty and use tricks that they hadn't even read about let alone knew how to do, but most of it, if not all, would only result in teachers finding out, then her parents. And that was something to be avoided at all costs.

So, Senga ignored it, avoided it and felt ashamed of herself for doing it; but loosing her place here wasn't worth risking just over pride.

She never spoke about it to anyone, least of all Neville, although she refused to stop going to help him and Professor Sprout.

"Lost, Miss Malfoy?" came the cheerful voice of Professor Lupin.

She jumped and banged back against the stone column before gaining her composure and looking up at him.

"No, sir."

"Just lurking behind there for fun then." He smiled at her, no malice in his eyes at all, but Senga wasn't in a receptive mood to teasing. Still feeling sore with herself for backing down like a coward, she turned on him instead.

"Well, what else would a half Snape, half Malfoy do for kicks?" she asked him icily and realised the moment the words had left her mouth that she'd mucked up.

Remus looked at her in surprise before consulting the watch in his waistcoat pocket.

The big hand pointed to the "Last class finished and nowhere to be until teatime" section.

He pocketed the watch and smiled at her, ignoring her last comment.

"We've just got time to do your end of year review. Come along Miss Malfoy, follow me!" He turned and left Senga no option but to follow him.

"End of year review?" she asked, it wasn't something she was aware of.

"Of course." He smiled and, stopping outside his office, he opened the door and showed her inside.

She sat down in the chair he indicated in front of his desk.

"We don't usually review until third year, but you're the exception, as Professor Dumbledore has told me how you will be gaining extra lessons next year. And I must add, well done on gaining first in almost all your classes."

"Almost?" echoed Senga her face paling at the thought of not being top in everything.

"Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy." He smiled gently at her. "You were second in both, gaining a B , which is, of course, excellent work." Considering Hagrid lessons were hit and miss, Remus thought it a miracle that anyone got anything over a D.

"Second?" she repeated horrified. "But what did I do wrong?" She swallowed, all other thoughts pushed to the back of her mind. She knew that if her parents had stipulated that she had to be top in everything, then they meant everything.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he said and concern flickered in his eyes. Senga was sitting right on the edge of her chair, her hands wrung together.

"No, you don't understand. I can't be second. I have to be first."

Remus frowned and shifted through the papers on his desk to collect his thoughts together.

"Being second is nothing to be ashamed of." He didn't know everything that was going on; although, it hadn't taken him long to work out something was amiss, when Albus had told him about her extra lessons. He'd objected at first, saying how that while Senga was highly intelligent, she wasn't a genius and the pressure wouldn't be worth the extra learning. She had a bright future ahead of her, but she'd never be the next magical equivalent of Einstein. But Albus had insisted that she would be given all the help she would need, which is why he'd decided to give her the review that usually started in the third year.

She blinked at him and for once her usually blank face was showing every emotion she was feeling, the most prominent being fear. It unsettled him tremendously.

"Is there anything I can do to change it? I mean can I take the exams again?" She inched further forward on her chair and Remus for one moment imagined she would fall right off.

"Well…" he clasped his hands together on the desk and shook his head gently. "The end result doesn't just rely on your exam result. It's taken from your performance over the year as well." He ran a hand through his hair.

"So, that's it then." Senga stared blankly down at the desk, her mind completely overwhelmed with her failure: She'd be going back home to her parents. At least her father wasn't aware of the truth, or at least not yet anyway. But if he did, and she supposed something like that was inevitable, what would happen to her then.

"Senga, it's not the end of the world," he said gently, becoming quite concerned now for her. "Your parents will understand." Remus sighed as he remembered exactly who her parents were. Poor kid, he thought, she doesn't stand a chance.

"Will they?" she looked up at him and, digging right to the bottom of her reserves, she mustered him a watery smile. "Yes, I suppose they will," she said and her voice hitched. She felt cold all over, and she just wanted to leave the office and try and find somewhere where she could sit and think.

"Would you like me to get your uncle for you? He is already aware of your grades and gave me no indication that he was disappointed in you; in fact, he seemed quite pleased with your result."

"He did?" Senga was surprised. She was expecting him to be angry that she hadn't managed to achieve top place of her year.

"Senga." Remus stopped and took a deep breath. "You don't have to be so hard on yourself. All anyone here expects from you is your best, whether that be top of each class or averaging a C -. It's what is _your_ best that is important; and I think you've done exceptionally well. You've had a hard time this year: moving in after the term had already started, making friends with Hannah and then having to say goodbye to her. It's all things which can be very unsettling."

Senga looked at him and felt so old sitting there. He had absolutely no idea. What he was saying applied to everyone but her. And he had no idea. He was trying so hard to make her feel better, and had she been any other person, she would have walked out of the office on cloud nine. But Senga wasn't anyone else, and it hurt her and made her feel used and old.

"Thank you, Professor Lupin," she said, careful to keep her voice blank and her face averted. Her emotions were too raw to keep them from her face fully and she knew it.

"Can I go now? I'd like to see my uncle."

"Of course, but don't get too upset, Senga. I for one, think you've done a remarkable job." He watched as she stood up and left his office, closing the door behind her quietly.

He narrowed his kind eyes and stood up, crossing to the fireplace quickly. He threw a handful of powder into the fire and called out Snape's name.

"This had better be good, Lupin! I'm trying to grade papers," barked Snape's head from amongst the flames.

"I've just had an interesting chat with your niece; her end of year review. She's a bit cut up that she hasn't managed top in every class."

"And?" drawled Snape sarcastically, careful to keep the concern from his voice.

"Damn it all Snape! She's not a robot! She seems to have this idea fixed in her head that she has to be top in everything. Can't you talk to her, explain that she only has to do her best."

"I will talk to her," Snape said shortly, his voice reflecting a tiny bit of the concern he felt.

"She's on her way down now," Lupin said and ran a hand down his face. "Look, I don't know what's going on and I know it's none of my business, but Severus, please, she's just a child. Albus seems bent on all this extra work, and I really don't see the point. She'll just get burnt out."

"Children are like sponges, Lupin, they soak up knowledge rapidly," he replied curtly.

"But even a sponge has its limits," Remus said softly, "and she'll be no different."

"I will talk to her," Snape said and, with a brief nod of his head, he disappeared and the flames became their usual colour again.

Lupin sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face before crossing back to his desk and sitting down. He really hoped that Albus and Snape knew what they were doing and that whatever the reason was, it was a good one.

* * *

Lucifer's face didn't show any emotion whatsoever, but his eyes burnt with fiery anger.

"You are certain this is correct," he hissed, and none of his usual blustering manner could be found.

"Certain Mr Malfoy, sir," said the cleric at the desk. He would have been intimidated just by the fact alone that it was a Malfoy that was questioning him, but the fury evident in the eyes of the man gave him even further reason to shake.

"Lucius," Lucifer stepped aside, his thoughts whirling as he digested the information that the cleric had just so helpfully volunteered.

Lucius stepped forward, quite disappointed that the man hadn't even tried to put up a front to them. He had been quite looking forward to persuading the man that he really did want to give them as much information as they wanted.

"Tell me again Hardbottle, just what would happen to you if your superiors found out you'd been giving out information on classified accounts?" Lucius voice dripped malice even as he smiled at the man.

"I'd be… er… I'd be fired Mr Malfoy, sir," he stammered.

"Oh dear. It would be a shame if they found out, wouldn't it?" He drummed his fingers on the desk.

"Please don't, Mr Malfoy sir. I helped you. I told you everything that was in the Will." The man visibly shrunk in his seat even more.

"I wouldn't dream of it Hardbottle, after all, if I need to come here again… ah…out of hours… who would help me?" He smiled nastily at the man and stood back before turning to where Lucifer was watching the scene with only half his mind on it.

"Lucifer. Come!" Lucius stood right in front of him to block him from the prying eyes of the cleric. He narrowed his eyes at Lucifer and, bringing his hand up to open the door behind him, he knocked his shoulder sharply, effectively bringing Lucifer back to the present. He shook himself slightly and headed out of the open door ahead of Lucius.

Hardbottle waited until ten minutes had passed before grabbing a parchment and quill and scribbling a hasty letter before attaching it to the leg of the office owl and letting it fly out of the window.

He sat back and wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead, praying fervently that he would have no more dealings like this again, and wishing to goodness he had been more discreet in his dealings with certain lady witches. Too many people could hold it against him.

"Come on, Lucifer, sit down!" Lucius was becoming impatient as he watched Lucifer pace up and down his study.

"I've been deceived," he snorted and turned sharply to face his brother.

Lucius rolled his eyes at his brother stating the obvious.

"Yes, it would appear so and I might add that you've been deceived for quite a few years."

"It's definitely Morganna, Damien looks too much like you and I."

"I agree. Do you have any idea who the father is?"

"No!" spat Lucifer and slammed his fist down on Lucius desk, making the ink pot and other items clatter violently.

"Lucifer, if you please, this is finest Oak and I really don't want it stained," Lucius said mildly and straightened everything till it was just so again.

"She's been playing me for fourteen years and like a fool I've played along."

"Lucifer, Odile is a very clever witch, if she wanted to take a lover and keep it quiet I don't doubt she'd be capable of it."

"So Morganna is not my child," Lucifer said softly, his voice icy cold.

"It actually makes sense. Little things that before I'd put down to the Snape/Malfoy genes being mixed up. I've never seen brown eyes in either side of the family. And that air about her; it does make sense," Lucius mused. "Do you think Odile knows yet?"

"She'll know about not inheriting! Now I know what all that business at Hogwarts was about. I could sense her anger with Snape but I had no idea what it was about. I just assumed it was her usual hatred of Snape. She's been angling to get Morganna away from Hogwarts from almost the first day she got there. But I've resisted it up to now. It's far easier with her over there…." He narrowed his eyes suddenly. "Odile would never have made such a fuss over Snape inheriting if she knew she didn't stand to inherit either. She wouldn't have wanted to risk me finding out about Morganna."

"Well the inheritance is a mote point really. Caius Snape made sure that none of that money would ever have reached you; except through Damien. But now of course, Damien won't inherit either. Damned annoying seeing those greedy hospitals get it all though." Lucius tapped his fingers against his chin. "But of course the question now is. What are you going to do about it? And what are you going to do about Odile?"

Lucifer shook his head as anger poured through him like hot fire.

Lucius who recognised the signs well, summoned a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

"I suggest you stay here for another night or two, if you're going to face Odile over this you're going to have be clear headed."

"I know that," snapped Lucifer angrily.

Lucius shrugged his elegant shoulders and flicked his blonde white hair out of his eyes and watched his brother refill his glass again.

"What would you do Lucius?" asked Lucifer after his fourth glass of 100 proof.

"Me?" Lucius ' smile was feral, he was still sipping his first glass and not nearly so inebriated as his brother. "I'd leave Morganna where she is; disinherited of course, just in case the law is ever changed at some future point. Kill Odile, slowly, and as for Damien, both of you live here with me. But of course, that's if I were you. With me it's a rather mote point being as my little brat is disinherited anyway. And as for Narcissa? Another affair wouldn't really make a dent on her already long list. As long as it remained private that is…" and she didn't try to foist someone else's bastard on me he added mentally.

"Kill Odile eh?" Lucifer was beginning to slur his words. "Tell me all that again when I'm sober will you?"

"Certainly." He laughed and pushed the bottle closer to Lucifer before sitting back in his seat and amusing himself with thoughts of how Odile could meet a "very unfortunate accident".

* * *

Senga sat by the fire, Clarity wrapped in a shawl in her arms.

"I won't allow two insignificant classes like that to make a difference, Senga," Snape was saying from behind his desk on the other side of the room where he was marking papers still.

"But they did say _all_," she pointed out uncertainly, looking down at the sleeping face of her cousin.

He put his quill down and looked across at her.

"I will work around it, Senga. I promise you that. You are top in the classes that they would expect you to be and that will do."

"But…"

Meg looked up from where she was reading her book opposite Senga.

"Senga, dear, you aren't going anywhere. Your uncle will sort it out, don't worry."

Senga nodded and repressed the sigh that filled her. She wasn't convinced and Snape knew it.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to read this and leave reviews.

And thank you even if you haven't reviewed. As long as someone out there enjoys it I'm pleased.

Now, Lucifer and Lucius. Hum, you might not agree with the relationship that I have portrayed them having here, but I like to think that they are the Kray twins of my story. Hehehehe! (The Krays were notorious gangster brothers in England in the fifties and sixties. They were ruthless, evil and eventually incarcerated for life. I believe that it was recently that the last twin died in prison. They were devoted to each other and I believe their mother, but that's by the board. I wanted them to be devoted to each other because I think it shows them better. It makes them more interesting to think that someone so evil could still care for their siblings. I have already alluded to this relationship when Snape told Meg that if you attacked one Malfoy you attacked the whole family. Sorry if you feel this doesn't work.

Kitten: Thanks. Things will get better sooner or later. I think.

Lunarmouse: Thank you so much! It made my day to think that you really are enjoying this. I won't apologise for the length of my chapters anymore. Unless they are very short!

As for Thankgiving, I'm British and it's not something that gets done over here. Should've been a pilgrim! But Camille, the lovely lady who beta reads this for me is American and was telling me all about the celebrations, so I figured there are a lot of Americans out there and if I'm lucky enough to have them reading this story. Then I thought I'd wish them a happy time. There are so many things different people and different cultures celebrate and I think it's great. Makes the world so interesting!

Alexgray: Thank you for the encouragement. And I'm glad you are enjoying this.

MeilinRaePR: Sorry you've been without internet. Not a happy state to be in. Thanks for coming back though! Point taken about Snape's hair.

Moldanubikum: I can't let on about Neville, it'll run it. My fingers are itching to let you know but I mustn't…. He won't leave till the end of the summer holidays…and I promise we will see him again.

Does Senga find friends? Hum…. Have to wait and see.

JhonenIsMyGod: Thank you for keeping with me. I know what you mean about keeping with a story that's long. It's one of the reasons why I try to update fairly regularly. Otherwise people come back to it and think…erm what happened again? And then just give up. So I thank you for not giving up!

Erryn: Hides face in shame. My native language is English (British English), I just make a regular habit of strangling it. Fingers work too quick and then the brain won't read the words just the sentences, if that makes sense. Thanks for the encouragement and I will watch my whining and my off's. I find too and to creeps in occasionally too! (?)

Eyebright: Thanks for reading! I wish there were some kind of sleeping potion that could be given to children. Especially Toddlers that think it's great fun to wake up at 2am and want to play for an hour. NOOOOOO! Can you see the matchsticks holding open my eyes?

Butterfly: Thank you for your very kind words! Pomona! I like it! Very interesting name and certainly suits her better than my rather lame Sally. I got quite stuck on those names I can tell you! Thanks for telling me about that. Any clues to where you found that out?

BlackHedwig: Thank you! Very much!

Dragon: Three? Congratulations. It must be fun and a lot of VERY HARD work having three little ones around. Getting me broody again! Thank you for reading and I think it's always good to have more Snape interudes… go on and write it!

Chary: Odile is going to find herself in a tight corner but she won't back down without a fight or indeed unless she takes someone with her. Thank you for reading and thanks for updating too… any more signs?

Snape's Homey G: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Durin: I could have used your imput back then! I had Dean take on Neville because he was insane and all he was ultimately interested in was her death (along with a lot of pain, which had he succeeded in doing what he set out to do (make Meg think Neville had turned on her) would have worked.

As for the wedding I find your comments quite interesting. I read a few sites on Wicca when I first started this as I didn't want to upset anyone by referring to things incorrectly (hence Odile's Book of Shadows, which doesn't come from Charmed but a website I found.)

If these are the correct words or similar to what actually happens then I'm quite chuffed! I expect that inadvertently I read something that clicked subconsciously. Nothing that smart could possible have originated from me… same for the black pensive. Although the strands of black magic in her pensive (I think) was something I haven't seen before… I had read a story once that had Snape's eyes as being Blue originally before all his dark deeds as a DE. I can't remember which one though. I just figured that was such a cool idea I'd try and use the black bit in her pensive… plus I had to have something that would eventually give it away to her and involve Jack too…. Big breath!

Reading the end of your review put me in mind of the fantastic set of Nora Roberts books "Dance upon the air" etc. They use that "So mote it be" in their spells… Is this wicca then? Are you interested in wicca? I find it quite fascinating. I had a friend once, called Paddy ( R.I.P.) who was a Druid and she had such wonderful views on life. There was never a dull moment with Paddy.

Frini: Thanks for your encouragement. Sirius will be coming back but not for, as for the others they'll be around. I've been looking forward to your next chapter…hint hint. (again). Love to you.

Lisa Parry: Odile "gets hers" soon enough, I just think people are going to be surprised at how she "gets it" and I'm not certain that everyone will like it. Oh well! Thank you for leaving me a great review! They mean so much to me.

Annie: I'm sorry you lost sleep, I hope it didn't make too much trouble. And I'm honoured that you stayed up just to read this story! Thank you. And no there's plenty more story to come.

Penance: Sorry! I misunderstood and gave you a little family ahead of time. Opps! Please forgive my error. Next time I'll engage brain before reading! HA! Thanks.

Rugi: That sentence you quoted just about sums it up doesn't it? I wanted something like that for the chapter to try and get across what was going on but couldn't find anything… and you had it all along! Family you're lumped with no matter what. Fortunately I come from an excellent family. As for Odile being unhappy without knowing why, you're again spot on and you're probably close to working out how she pays in the end. Based on your thinking here anyway. But I can't thank you enough for keeping with me and giving me so much encouragement.

TheChicChic: I will be getting to your stories I promise. Time is so limited with toddler groups, playzones and trying to do everything else when she's asleep that when I do get time on the computer I tend to write this story. But I will go I promise. And thank you for keeping up with me regardless of how lazy I am in returning the favour.

Dini40seven: Thank you so much for leaving such a great review. Now I'm beaming all over my face!

Chero: You spotted Odile's emotions, thanks for that. It does actually have quite a play on the whole thing later and I was rather hoping someone would pick it up.

I'm sorry to hear your not well now either. I hope it's not something too nasty and that you'll be better soon. Take it easy and take one day at a time. Thinking of you.

Jen: I was thinking of you when I corrected chapter 21. I was working away and I thought… there, I bet Jen picks this up. Got to correct it for Jen. Can't have anything bugging Jen. I appreciate your reviews too much to loose you. Although I'm sure there's still something that won't work quite right later on. Another noticeable lack of Neville, but like you say he's been working hard in the greenhouses and getting paid over time. I think it's wonderful when a dad is a dad. If you know what I mean. My dad was the same (and so was my brother!) first date and it was "And just what are your intentions towards my daughter?" it was terrible at the time but looking back now it makes me feel secure that he loved me enough to care. Your last comment had me giggling! Can you see Snape's face if he had to give Clarity away to Hermione and Ron's son?

Mione: Thanks! And a big thank you for the please bit. That always makes me smile. And now it's only 13 days away!

Necrosia of the Moon and Night: Have I told you how much I love your name? Hope you got your project done. And thanks for reading and reviewing!

Coesius: Another name I love. Snape is evil. I think he's still a "nasty little bugger" when the moods takes him and always will be. It's what makes him so much fun to write… the ever changing mood swings. You're not alone in having a wide taste in music… be proud of it, it shows your not narrow minded. I have everything from ZZ Top to Duran Duran (who?) with, Linkin Park, Mozart, Vivaldi, James Last, Val Donnigan ( no one dare laugh! That man was a god in his rocking chair crooning away!) Mama Cass. E.L.O., Pink, Marillion…okay I'll stop rambling now.

And thanks for reading and being okay with my long chapters.

I stalk Snape at Weekends: We are waiting patiently for book five aren't we? My husband keeps teasing me by saying it's been delayed for several years, or that they aren't going to release the DVD for COS until 2005 and that they aren't filming anymore books. Rotten devil that he is! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Well, I think that's about it, sorry if I've missed anyone. It's not deliberate!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you all have a great time wherever you are and whatever you're celebrating this time of year.


	45. Desperate Measures

Updated March 2008.

Much thanks to Camille for her hard work in beta-ing this and picking up my many and varied mistakes. Any errors remaining here are all mine!

* * *

Senga blinked as the ceiling above her came into better focus. It took a few sleepy seconds before she realised that she was no longer in her Hogwarts dormitory but in her new room at her aunt's house.

She sat up, pushing her long, tangled hair away from her eyes, and looked around her. There was nothing of her aunt's left in the room now. It only held the furniture and now her possessions. She jumped out of bed, feeling lighter than she had in several months. No more waking to being ignored completely or to subtle and not so subtle hints at her friendship with Mr Longbottom. She felt a twinge of sadness when she thought about how she would miss him, but it was with a smile that she remembered when they had said goodbye to each other….

"_So, then Senga, you'll be off home tomorrow then?" He stood in the great hall. All the students had left the day before and it was quiet and solemn. Senga had thought it would be strange being the only student left, but she much preferred it this way._

"_No, I'm staying with my uncle and aunt this summer," she said and sat down on the end bench._

"_That's where I meant," he replied and stuck his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels slightly._

"_Oh!" Senga frowned she had automatically thought of her parent's home, but if she really thought about it, it wasn't a home to her. But, neither was her Uncle's new home, not yet anyway._

"_Are you going straight to Bicton?" she asked, trying to change the subject._

"_No." He shook his head. "The new term starts at the same time as here, but until then I'll be staying with my grandmother."_

_She nodded, staring up at him. It was odd to see him without mud clinging to some part of his face or hands. Even his nails looked clean._

"_I hope you achieve what you want to," she said, suddenly at a loss as to what to say to him._

"_So formal, Senga?" he laughed, and the tension in her broke. She laughed up at him and screwed her nose up slightly._

"_Well I do!" she sniffed._

"_And I wish you the same," he replied and sat opposite her at the table, bringing a book out of the bag at his feet._

"_Look. I found this and thought you'd like it." He pushed the book across the table to her. "It'll help next year."_

_She looked down at the black bound book and couldn't stop the shudder that ran down her spine._

"_What is it?" she asked quietly. Was he giving her a spell book? She knew it was customary to receive the book that would ultimately become a Book of Shadows in your third year, but she didn't think he'd give her that._

"_Open it and see," he laughed and nudged it forward a bit more. "It won't bite, although if you use it correctly it'll get very soiled and dog-eared."_

_She opened it and looked down at the first page._

_A YEAR IN HERBOLOGY _

_The Herbologist's garden through the seasons_

_The words stared up at her in italicised gold print._

"_There's a day to a page, with notes and texts on what should be done at certain times, y'know, pruning and other such boring things." He said it quietly noting her lack of reaction with disappointment. "You can always use it as a normal diary, or you could loose it somewhere if it's too boring," he finished, shrugging his shoulders._

_Senga didn't say anything as her fingers traced over the words. She turned the page, frightened that her emotions would get the better of her. She absolutely refused to let herself down by allowing her emotions to get the better of her. _

_He had inscribed the first page for her:_

_Senga,_

_I'm not sure what to put here, but it's customary to leave some sort of message so that in fifty years time you'll be able to say, "Ah, yes! That nice Mr Longbottom… bit strange, but meant well as I recall."_

_So here's my little message: This comes from me to you, hoping that you will find the same peace that was granted to me just by helping something to grow._

_Your friend for always,_

_Neville Longbottom_

_Senga bit her lip hard as tears threatened. She didn't think she'd ever been given something as precious as the book that lay in front of her._

"_I can always change it." He screwed his face up in worry, seriously misjudging her reaction._

"_No you won't!" she shot out and looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "This is the best present…" She closed the book and hugged it to her, too moved by his thoughtfulness and the fear that he might think she didn't like it to worry too much about the tears in her eyes. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he'd seen her cry._

"_I..." She brought a hand up to clutch in her hair, hoping the pain would keep her emotions in check, "I am so going to miss you," she whispered brokenly._

"_Hey." Relief flooded through him as he realised that she really did like the book. "It's not like we'll never see each other again. I'll keep in touch, and I'll drop by to see you sometimes at your uncle's. You can't possible think that I'll be leaving your uncle alone now that I can answer back, do you?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood._

_She sniffed and grinned at him. She believed him; she would see him again. He was her friend and he was going to stay that way._

"_I'm not deserting you now I've found that smile under all the scowls and frowns," he laughed, pleased to see her smile. "You'll be okay, Senga," he added seriously. "Stick with your aunt and uncle and you'll be okay!"_

_Senga smiled and stood up, shifting the book to her side._

"_Thank you, Mr Longbottom, for everything!" She took a deep breath and leaned over. She kissed his cheek gently and stood back, blushing furiously, before she fled from the great hall her cheeks on fire._

_She stopped outside the door and pressed her free hand to her cheek, she had dared to kiss him, as if he really were her brother. She just hoped he didn't mind. She grinned to herself; well it was too late now anyway._

_She clutched the book to her chest and hurried down to her uncle's rooms._

"_Yeah. I'll be okay," she muttered as she ran._

… Senga reached for the book now and opened it to the correct day. That had been yesterday, but already she had written in the book in her best copperplate handwriting. So far it had nothing to do with gardening, but he had said it could just be a diary.

"Senga!" Her uncle's deep voice called outside the door just before he knocked. "Are you awake yet?"

"Yes! Come in!" she called out and stuffed the book underneath her pillow. She hadn't told either of them about the book, and she wasn't going to. It was hers and hers alone.

Snape opened the door and stepped inside. His face was perfectly blank although his eyes looked tired, but then Senga knew that Clarity was making her presence known through most of the night.

"Come and help with breakfast please. I will have to see about engaging a house elf, but until then we'll have to get things ourselves, and I do not want your aunt doing everything."

Senga jumped out of the bed and crossed to the chair where her clothes lay.

"I'll be right down. Where is Clarity?"

Snape watched as his niece picked up the only pair of jeans she owned as if they were gold. A smirk formed around his lips.

"Downstairs waiting for you to dance attendance on her. I am quite certain that she already knows exactly how to get what she wants."

Senga snorted and looked back at him

"I know, I know," Senga grumbled, "but Aunt Meg told me you can never show a baby too much love."

"I'll remind you of that when she's twelve and telling you exactly what to do," he snorted dryly.

"I'll be long gone by that time; charting the Bermuda Triangle or exploring Atlantis." She stood up and faced him with an armful of clothes. "You won't even remember my name."

"One can always hope," he said dryly and turned to leave. He stopped outside the door and looked back at her. "I would hope, however, that you would remember to owl us frequently." He gave her a rare smile which quickly turned to a mocking sneer. "Just to remind us of your name, of course."

Senga snorted dryly, knowing exactly what he had meant. It sent a warm feeling through her. She waited till he had closed the door behind him before letting a long, slow sigh out.

She could really belong here, really feel as if she'd come home. Being wanted was a feeling that was new to her, but it was wonderful.

* * *

"What are you doing?" screeched Meg as she grabbed the knife from his hand and thrust him away from the side.

"What does it look like?" he barked back and glared at her.

"Severus! You do not stick metal objects into things that run on electricity!" she wailed and slapped the knife down on the counter. "What's wrong with it anyway?"

He frowned down at her and pushed the offending toaster with his hand

"It won't give the bread back," he growled.

Meg sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Okay! Okay! I give up. You get your own way, do what you like to this house; re-decorate, take away every last thing that's Muggle, except the TV… if you remove the TV, I'll remove you," she warned him.

"If I disconnect that thing you call electricity, how will your box work anyway?" he asked her arrogantly, pleased with himself for finally managing to get his way. He knew perfectly well what sticking a knife into the toaster would do if he hadn't taken certain precautions beforehand. 

Megan had at first completely refused to make any changes whatsoever to the house. Snape had never begged in his life, and he wasn't starting now, especially when there were far more dignified, if not completely honest, ways to get his own way.

"Don't disconnect the telly." She shook her head. "You don't need to cut off the electricity supply, just… I don't know…"

"Why do you want to keep the box anyway? Whenever you watch it you continually talk to it, make the pictures change frequently or just moan that 'there's never anything decent on!'" he mimicked her voice softly.

She stuck her tongue out at him and out of the corner of her eye saw Senga come in and go straight to where Clarity lay in her basket on the floor.

"That is not the point," she huffed, "television is my link to the Muggle world!"

"I though that paper you insist on having delivered every morning was your link." He pointed to where the Daily Mirror lay on the kitchen table unopened.

"That's a different type of link," she stated, shifting slightly.

"I'm a reasonable person," Snape said arrogantly and sent Senga a dark look when he heard her snort.

"What?" She looked innocently up at him, "something in my throat."

"Yes, Arsenic if you don't keep quiet young lady," he growled and returned to looking at Meg, who was laughing now.

"I am a reasonable person," he shot Senga a warning look but she merely blinked at him and, picking up Clarity, went into the living room, cooing to the baby as she went. "And as such, the box will remain. I will engage the services of a house elf later on today."

"Thank you, oh great and wise one," said Meg mock seriously. "Your generosity in what I can and can't have in my OWN home is overwhelming." She bowed to him but was caught off guard when he grabbed her arms and pulled her up against him.

"Are you mocking me?" he growled, but she could see the humour edging into his eyes.

"Only slightly," she replied and, standing on tiptoes, kissed his cheek.

"Of course you can have the box thing, you can have whatever you want, and you know that." He nuzzled his face into her hair.

"As long as it's what you want," she laughed.

"Well, yes, of course, that goes without saying really," he smirked into her neck.

"OWL POST IS HERE!" came a loud shout from the living room, followed by Senga coming in with Clarity cuddled against one shoulder while her other hand held several envelopes.

Meg stepped back from Snape and took the envelopes from Senga.

"Can I take Clarity for a walk this afternoon? I want to try out that new Pram thing that Uncle Jack bought."

"She is not going in that thing," Snape snorted. "It has three wheels. It can't possibly be safe enough!"

"It's all the thing," Senga said, "according to Uncle Jack," she added under his withering gaze.

"I will make some minor adjustments to it, test it for safety and, if it passes my tests, you may take her round the garden this afternoon," he said darkly.

"I must admit, three wheels kinda reminds me of a wheelbarrow," Meg admitted and tapped the envelopes against her chin. "I was hoping for a Silver Cross, y'know, the big old fashioned prams with the suspension. Gives a baby a straight back, not all that cooped up…." she suddenly became aware of the strange looks they were both giving her. She shrugged and looked through the envelopes instead. "I know what I mean," she said quietly.

"You are, however, the only one," Snape replied dryly.

She stopped at one envelope and frowned.

"This one's for you, Senga." She turned the envelope over and a chill spread through her at the Malfoy crest on the back.

Senga saw the crest and fear lanced through her. It showed quite plainly on her face before she was able to mask her emotions.

Snape stood up and crossed to her taking Clarity from her and settled the baby in the crook of his arm, his elbow supporting her head.

It still looked odd to see him holding the baby, but thoughts like that were miles away from either Senga or Meg as they stared at the envelope.

"Right, well…" Senga reached out, took the envelope, and began to leave the room.

"Senga, do you want me to be with you?" Meg asked her quietly.

Senga looked back at Meg and the blankness on her face and in her eyes scared Meg.

"No," she shook her head, "thanks." She left the room and Meg turned to Snape.

"What do you think they want?"

"I have no idea," he mused and looked down at his sleeping daughter, "but that was Lucius Malfoy's crest. Not Lucifer's as I'm sure she knew."

"Lucius? What on Merlin's earth could he want with her?"

"Lucius and Lucifer will deal with this together. I would imagine from this that Lucifer is staying with Lucius still."

"Still? You knew he was with Lucius?" Meg frowned at him.

"Yes," he nodded his black eyes found Meg's. "Lucifer found out about the will around three weeks ago."

"How do you know this?"

"I made it my business to know," he replied. "I don't want you involved with this, Megan, leave it."

White hot anger formed in her and spilled over.

"Leave it?" Her voice was quiet but filled with anger. "Just leave it?"

"Yes, leave it," he hissed and, placing Clarity in the basket, he stalked out of the room. Meg caught up with him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Severus! How dare you treat me like one of your slower pupils," she hissed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I am not, I am protecting you," he spat back and, giving up, backed into the living room, taking her with him. He shut the door and rounded on her.

"I do not want you involved with this!"

"Well too bad mister," she snapped back, her hands on her hips as she glared at him. "I got involved the day you slid this ring on my finger, so you'd best start getting used to it!" She began to pace in front of him. "How damn arrogant of you to assume that I would just sit back like the dutiful little wife and watch someone attack the people I love," she fumed. "Just what else have you neglected to tell me?"

"Megan, this isn't some petty little affair that will involve a schoolyard scrap and then be all forgotten."

"All the more reason to trust me," she yelled. "All the more reason to actually give a damn about what I might feel or think. I don't suppose it would cross the mind of the all knowing Severus Snape that a mere woman, the little wife no less, might be able to actually contribute to this. That I just might want to help in any way I can. I love her too, Severus. You do not hold sole ownership over those feelings for Senga."

"I know I don't," he snapped his own temper rising and spilling over. "You've just given birth, woman! You were in no fit state to be given extra burdens."

"Oh, come of it, Severus! Did you really think that just because I'd had a baby that my brain stopped functioning or that my hearing stopped, or that I was completely oblivious to things around me? You may hide your feelings well, but I still knew something was going on. Not knowing is worse. You insult me by treating me like a child, Severus! We're in this for better or worse whether you damn well like it or not!"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes tightly.

"I'm not asking you, Severus. We're equals in this, and there is nothing you can do to change that." Meg took a deep breath trying to will her temper down.

"I know we are equals, but I…" He stopped and lowered his hand to stare at her, all the anger in his eyes gone to leave them empty of all emotion.

"But you what?" she sneered waiting for him to tell her that she didn't know anything about his family. The number of times he'd thrown that one at her made her temper boil back over.

"I'm not prepared to risk anything happening to you or Clarity," he spoke quietly, deeply.

Meg sighed heavily and folded her arms, all the wind taken from her sails.

"I know this, Severus, I do, and that is exactly how I feel for you, all three of you and that is why I can't just sit by and watch." She sighed again and ran her hand across her forehead.

"I'll go and make sure Senga is alright," she said and turned to leave the room before turning back quickly to kiss his cheek.

* * *

_Miss Morgana_

_I am writing on behalf of Master Lucifer Malfoy._

_It is his wish that you should be informed of a change in circumstances._

_It is with regret that he can no longer formally call you his daughter and, as such, you have no legal claim to his name or any part of his estate forthwith._

_It has come to his attention that your birth was as a result of an indiscretion on the part of Odile Malfoy, your mother._

_If you have questions pertaining to this letter, it is requested that you inquire of your mother._

_In all good wishes,_

_Malvin Mortandish_

_of_

_Mortandish and Manisters_

_Acting on behalf of_

_Lucifer Malfoy_

Senga crumpled the letter in her hand and threw it hard against the wall.

"Couldn't even tell me himself," she spat. Hurt, hot as fire, poured through her mind and into her soul.

A soft knocking on her door made Senga jump off her bed and pick up the letter. She stuffed it into her pocket and opened the door.

"Everything okay?" asked Meg as she looked at Senga carefully.

"Yes." Senga nodded, not opening the door to let Meg in. "Just checking to make sure I was still doing my studying," she lied.

Meg frowned slightly and then nodded.

"Okay," she backed away from the door, "we're here if you want us."

"Thank you," said Senga, and she shut the door, turning to lean heavily on it. She covered her mouth with one hand and closed her eyes.

She knew she'd lied to Meg, but she didn't really care. She didn't want them to know what the letter had said. It made her feel unwanted, unloved; worthless, she felt worthless. If her own father couldn't…

She stopped in her thoughts and threw herself face down on the bed. He wasn't her father, so why had she expected more?

If she was honest, deep inside herself, in some secret corner of her soul, she had been praying that it wouldn't make any difference to him at all. 

But it had made a difference, and now she knew without a shadow of a doubt.

She was no longer a Malfoy.

* * *

Meg went slowly down the stairs, her heart heavy.

She knew Senga had lied to her, could read it in her body language and in her face. She hadn't survived a few years at Hogwarts for nothing; teaching children had given her an advantage that even Senga couldn't combat.

Snape stood at the bottom of the stairs, his face showing none of the worry that she knew lay in his heart.

"I think he must have told her something. She claims it was about studying but…"

She stopped as Snape began to climb the stairs his face set.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he drew level with her.

"Going to get the truth," he replied evenly.

"You can't burst in there and drag it out of her. She'll tell us when she's ready."

"I want to know what he's said!" Snape took one more step as Meg grabbed his arm.

"No. Severus! You cannot go up there. I won't let you!" she said firmly.

"You would stop me helping my niece?" he hissed down at her, his black eyes flashing at her.

"You won't be helping her. She's got to come to us, Severus. If you force this out of her, you'll ruin any trust she has in you. Don't betray her when she needs you the most."

"I can't believe you're right."

"Think about it. When something is bothering you and I ask you, what do you do?"

"Tell you about it," he replied, turning to face her completely, he folded his arms and sneered down at her.

"Like hell you do!" she snorted. "You only tell me when you're completely ready too. Senga is the same, she's just like you. Try to pry it out her now and all she'll do is resent you for it, resent you for not trusting her enough."

"You forget that sometimes I get so worn down by your nagging and worming, woman, that I tell you just to shut you up," he glowered at her and went back down the stairs to disappear into the living room.

Meg was undaunted as she chased after him.

"Please ,Severus!" She watched him cross angrily to sit beside Clarity's basket.

"I will wait," he finally said, but his tone of voice implied that he was not at all happy with the idea.

"Thank you." Meg crossed to peer in at Clarity, who was beginning to stir.

"Oh look! She looks just like you now."

"I do not drool," he grated and, giving Meg a black glare, he swept Clarity out of the basket and up onto his shoulder.

"If you say so; I meant her eyes. They are turning black, aren't they?" Meg leaned over him to coo at her.

"Yes, I have noticed it too. I was hoping that they'd be brown like Senga's or grey like yours."

"I love your eyes," Meg said softly, one finger tracing her daughter's soft cheek while her other fingers gently stroked his ear. "I could loose myself forever in them." 

"What utter rubbish you talk," he sneered, but he raised a hand to caress her shoulder.

* * *

_Five weeks later_

Senga lay sprawled on her bed, her quill end in her mouth as she read over her letter.

_Dear Mr Longbottom_

_(Can I call you Neville yet? Considering you're not at school anymore and you do seem more like a brother than a Mister, if you understand me.)_

_Things have been okay here. Uncle Severus won't let me touch the garden as he says the neighbours might find some of the seeds that I brought home a bit too unusual to pass. So unfortunately your book has only been used as a diary. But I hope to use it better when I get back to Hogwarts with Professor Sprout. It's going to seem so weird you not being there._

_A couple of important things have happened so far; I am no longer officially a Malfoy, but I think I can still call myself Senga Malfoy. Seems my father (should I say ex-father?) found out I'm not his and decided that he might as well make it official. I know what you're thinking and yes, it did hurt, but I'm okay now and no, before you think it, I'm not talking to Uncle Severus about it, he'll just get all 'cold' about it, and I really don't see the point of dragging things over when there's nothing to be done by it anyway. To be honest, there's a kind of relief, really._

_I have no idea what mother thinks of all this. I haven't heard from her for ages._

_Anyway, Hannah came to stay, and I think we upset Uncle a bit._

_You would have enjoyed seeing him vexed so. I know Aunt Meg did; although, she tried to hide it._

_It started with breaking my bedroom window. We didn't mean for it to happen, it just did somehow. We were mucking about with this bat thing she brought (Basball, baseball? Something like that anyway) and I let it go and it flew through the window. And then we almost, (almost!) set the kitchen on fire. Don't ask how!_

_Eventually I think Uncle got so fed up with us that he let Uncle Jack take us to see moving pictures, Hannah called it a 'movie.' It was great fun and he bought us 'popcorn' and sweets. But I think Uncle got a bit fed up with Hannah going on about one of the men in the film. (I didn't see the attraction either, but I couldn't agree with Uncle could I?) I think it upset him more when Aunt Meg started to agree with Hannah._

_Clarity is really growing. She's almost five months, and she's just starting to sit up by herself; it's funny to watch, because you have to prop her up with hundreds of cushions. And when you take them away she starts to list and then falls over. But she thinks it's funny. She's got a really cute laugh and sometimes when Uncle doesn't think anyone can hear him, he sings to her. It sounds horrible! But she seems to like it. But then she is only a baby and what do they know?_

_Anyway, I'd better go, but I hope you are happy and that you do not mind me writing to you._

_Your friend,_

_Senga_

Senga signed her name with a flourish, and, before she could think better, she folded the letter up and attached it to the owl waiting patiently by the window.

"Fly Excelsior! And don't tell Uncle," she whispered, and opened her window to let it go.

She had deliberately made her letter light and flighty. If she wrote her true feelings she was certain the paper would burn with the heat of her words.

But writing at least some of it down had eased some of her pain and helped her to put some sort of closure on it. She hadn't even spoken to Hannah about it, instead choosing to bury it deep within herself. She wouldn't think about it anymore.

She'd told Neville the barest bones and that would do.

* * *

Meg sat Clarity on her knee and held the spoon to her mouth.

"Come on darling, banana mmmm lovely!"

Clarity looked at the spoon and then at her mother and closed her black eyes.

Meg sighed and set the spoon down again to place Clarity in her highchair.

"Come on Clarity, we have to take your cousin into Diagon Alley today for some clothes, so we need to hurry sweetheart."

"I think it's fairly plain she doesn't want it," murmured Snape from behind his Potions Monthly paper.

Meg glared at him and turned to Clarity again.

"Come on sweety, for mummy?"

"Oh for goodness sake!" Snape folded the paper impatiently and slapped it down on the table, which made Clarity laugh at the noise.

"Give it here!" He yanked the bowl towards him and gripped the spoon.

"Right. Open up," he ordered her and held out the spoon.

"Severus!" Meg was shocked, "you can't do it like that!"

Clarity looked from her mother to her father and then dutifully opened her mouth to take the food.

"There, easy!" Snape smirked at Meg annoyingly, "just have to show her who is the boss…"

He turned towards Meg just as Clarity blew a gigantic raspberry, sending pulped banana all over Snape's shirt.

Meg covered her mouth unable to stop her cry of laughter.

"Clarity!" Snape looked in horror at his daughter, who was clapping her hands and giggling.

"Well, seeing as you have things completely in hand here, I'll go and get ready." Meg swooped to kiss his cheek before patting Clarity gently on the back and leaving the room laughing.

"Megan!" he roared getting up, "you can't leave me…." He looked back at Clarity and narrowed his eyes.

"It seems you and I have to discuss this little thing about who's calling the shots around here, miss!" He went right up to her and bent low till his face was close to hers.

She looked up at him, still laughing, and caught his hair in her sticky hands before pulling it, tugging him down towards her till her nose pressed against his.

She laughed delightedly and patted his cheeks with her hands.

He looked deep into her black eyes and sighed.

"I'm sunk, aren't I?" he whispered before pulling away slightly and kissing the end of her nose.

A/N: It's been so long since I last posted anything that it seems like forever.

I apologise for the delay, but real life caught up with me and refused to let go!

Thank you to everyone who reads this and I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to everyone who gave me such wonderful reviews, I read them all over and over! 

I'm sorry if this chapter seems short and abrupt, but I needed to get the holidays over with and also if I waited any longer before I posted a chapter you might think that I'm given up or something, I haven't, I've just had a really busy January.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy it.

I wish everyone a great year to come.


	46. Beautiful

Updated March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer.

Many thanks to Camille who has once again worked so hard on ironing out my many and varied mistakes. Any remaining ones are all mine!

Oh and before we go any further, I just want to say that I have no legal background whatsoever and therefore the way the Malfoys proceed may not be accurate, but… let's just say it's AU. grins

* * *

"This is ridiculous," Snape muttered in Meg's ear. "I told you we should have come here sooner than this. I'd rather be mauled by a Splinter Wister than fight my way through the hordes of screaming brats!" Snape was thoroughly disgusted and making no bones about letting it show.

"Now where has she gone? Senga!" He turned and was elbowed sharply by a small boy (who undoubtedly would be one of the new first years when term started).

"Opps, sorry!" The boy smiled until his eyes reached the black, furious depths of Snape's eyes boring down into his. "Er…" The boy inched away, anxious to find his mother.

"Watch where you are going, boy," hissed Snape as he glared at the retreating boy.

"I'm here, Uncle," Senga spoke from his other side.

He glared down at her and then looked across to where Meg was stood with Clarity in some strange contraption that was tied around her, leaving Clarity "hanging" in front her of, warm woolly booted feet poking out of the cloth that held her.

"Don't drop her, Megan." He frowned, still completely unconvinced that it was safe enough.

Meg rolled her eyes and, taking Senga's arm, headed towards the Ice-Cream shop.

"We don't need to go in there," came Snape's annoyed voice from behind them.

Meg looked back at him pointedly.

"If we have to suffer you being grumpy all morning, I for one, need to be fortified with some ice-cream."

"Fine! If you feel that way, you can both get on with it yourselves. I'llmeet you both up at three thirty SHARP. If either or both of you are late, you canfind your own wayhome," he growled and stomped off.

Meg watched him go with a shrug.

"Oh well. Let him stew, we'll have fun first, shall we?"

Senga nodded, a worried frown on her face as she watched her uncle storming off, his cloak swirling around him.

"It's okay really," Meg said softly, seeing Senga's face.

"Why do you argue so much?" asked Senga quietly.

Meg was taken aback by the question.

"Senga, you do know that I love your uncle very much, and he loves me. It may seem as if all we do is argue, but we don't, not really." Meg watched Senga's face closely.

"My mother and… father never argued." She almost slipped up over the word 'father.'

"I expect they do," Meg smiled softly, remembering her own parents. "All couples have disagreements, its part of the territory, so to speak." They went into the shop and headed towards the windows. 

"Then I shall never get married," Senga announced and sat down at one of the empty tables.

"No, you misunderstand me." Meg lifted Clarity out of the sling and held her against one shoulder as she sat down. "There isn't a couple alive that don't argue sometimes. Differences of opinion, the way each person is brought up, experiences; they all have a bearing on how we look at life. And no one person is the same as the next, so people will always disagree over things. But that doesn't mean that the love for each other is any less." Meg turned Clarity to face Senga and smiled.

"I still won't be getting married," Senga announced and picked up the menu from the table.

"Time will tell." Meg laughed. "Now, do you want Double Chocolate or Turkish Delight?"

* * *

The door opened behind Meg, but she could tell by the change in Senga's attitude that someone unwelcome had walked into the shop.

"Morgana." The high imperial tone of Odile came from behind her. Meg schooled her emotions and turned to face the woman behind her with a blank face.

"M..Mother!" Senga dropped the spoon into the glass and stood up quickly, wiping her hands down her cloak. Her face went from flushed to very pale, but she didn't quite manage to hide the fear in her eyes.

Anger shot through Meg; how dare Odile treat her daughter in such a way that she would fear her. 

"Morgana, you will come with me this instant."

Meg stood up quickly, struggling to put Clarity back into the baby carrier strapped to her front.

"But I… we're…." Senga looked at Meg, begging for help.

"We're shopping for Senga's school supplies. Perhaps you would care to join us here, Odile." Meg's tone was polite but extremely cold.

Odile looked at Meg as if she'd just crawled from under a stone.

"Her name is Morgana, and she will be coming with me." Odile raised one eyebrow at Senga and stepped back slightly to let the girl pass. Meg saw Senga take one step forward, and she reached out to grip her arm.

"You do not have to go anywhere, Senga," Meg said softly. "Sit back down and finish your ice-cream."

Senga wavered, the look on her face speaking clearly that she wanted to sit back down but she was afraid of her mother's reaction.

"You have no hold over her. She is my daughter, and she will do as I say."

The other people in the shop had become aware of the situation and were watching closely to see what would happen.

Meg was aware of the interest of the others, so she opened her purse and placed enough money on the table to cover the ice-cream and a tip. She cast a brief glance towards the waitress who nodded at her it was okay.

"Come on, Senga." Meg reached out her hand and was infinitely gratefully when Senga took her hand.

To leave the shop they would have to pass by Odile, and Meg could see that she was not going to move.

"We will return home," Meg spoke to Senga. "We can come back later."

Meg looked up at Odile, her face showing her grim determination. One hand gripped Senga's and her other clutched Clarity.

Odile narrowed her eyes at Meg before looking at Senga.

"We have much to talk about, Morgana. I do not wish to do this publicly. There are things you will wish to know." Her voice was cold, low and brooked no argument.

Meg felt Senga's hand tighten on hers, and her resolve to protect her strengthened.

"I already know mother," Senga whispered. "I've known for a long time and I do not care. There is nothing that I wish to talk about now."

Odile's face went white before she once more got a grip on her emotions. White with fury, she looked at Meg.

"I refuse to let you get away with this. I am quite sure Severus is behind this plan. If you think I am going to let Morgana stay with you with the potential she holds, you are very much mistaken. She is my daughter and I will not allow you to foil my plans for her." Odile stepped closer till her face was just inches from Meg's.

"Tell Severus that I will be contacting my solicitors, and that I will want Morgana returned to me by midnight tomorrow or both of you will be residing in Azkaban for kidnapping and your daughter…" She sneered down at the now awake Clarity, "will be put up for adoption; if she is lucky." She turned on her heel and swept out of the shop.

Meg was shaken, the pure venom in her voice and the promise in her eyes told her that Odile was not making idle threats.

She had to pull it together for Senga, who had heard every word and was shaking like a leaf.

"Come on." Meg pulled Senga from the shop, unaware of the whispers and looks they were receiving.

She was bent on getting home to Severus.

"We'll floo from the Inn." Meg, still holding tight to Senga's hand, practically dragged her to the Inn.

Meg spoke quickly with the bar-tender, who lead her into a back room and handed her the floo powder.

Meg motioned Senga to go first.

"It'll be okay, Senga. I promise you we will work it out." Meg reached forward and kissed her forehead.

Senga shook her head, shock still showing in her eyes.

She threw the floo powder in and stepped forward, calling out "Fairwater," the name of their house.

Meg followed close behind, careful to keep a tight hold of Clarity.

Meg stepped out of the fireplace, brushed the soot from Clarity's blanket, and then lowered it from where she had covered the baby up.

"Severus?" she called his name.

Senga coughed and brushed the dust from her.

"I've never done that before," Senga said vaguely before crossing to sit down on the settee. "And I never want to do it again."

Part of her was still in shock at her mother's sudden appearance, but the other part was terrified that her mother would win. She hadn't realised till she'd seen her today how much she was cut in two. Part of her loved her mother, why, she couldn't say, but she knew she loved her and that was why it hurt so much. But she also hated her mother, hated how she made her feel, how she could be so cold to her and still claim that she wanted her.

But then she had made it quite plain that it wasn't so much her she wanted but, instead, her ability to do magic. Her 'potential' as she had called it.

Pain shot through her, making her curl up on the settee, her head cradled on her arm. How she hated her magic; she would give anything to be rid of her magic. Anything.

Her eyes narrowed as the vague wisps of an idea caught in her mind. Maybe there was a way she could be free of everything. She closed her eyes and thought hard.

Meg looked across worriedly at Senga.

"Severus!" She took Clarity out of her carrier and placed her down on her back, where she began to kick her legs and wave her arms happily.

Meg went to the door and across to the stairs.

"Drat the man! Where is he?" she grumbled and had begun to climb the stairs when she saw the attic door open.

"Is that you hollering like a banshee?" he growled and then realised she shouldn't even be there. "What's up? What's happened?" He came down to her, seeing the expression on her face.

"Odile was there."

Snape's face darkened instantly and he looked behind her.

"Where is Senga?" he demanded before passing her on the stairs.

"In the front room; she's quite shaken, Severus." Meg followed him back down and into the front room.

"Did she hurt you?" he demanded, looking back at Meg.

"She has threatened to take Senga away. She wants her back by midnight tomorrow or she'll have us charged with kidnapping."

Snape stared at Meg before scrunching up his face in disbelief.

"She'll do what?" he growled. "Stupid, stupid woman!" 

He crossed to where Senga was still lying with her eyes shut.

"Senga." He stopped over her and placed one hand on her back.

She opened her eyes and sat up to look at him.

"I'm okay, but I don't want to leave here," she said quietly, trying hard to keep the emotions from her face.

"You will not be going anywhere," Snape said darkly and stood up to face Meg again.

"Tell me exactly what she said," he demanded.

Clarity started to howl at the top of her voice.

Snape looked down at her and swooped down to pick her up, instantly quietening her.

Meg, at any other time, would have smirked at him, but the situation was serious and she didn't even give it another thought.

"She wanted Senga to go with her there and then, she said she had things to tell Senga, but Senga told her she already knew and that kinda tipped the balance. She said that she would be contacting her solicitors, and if Senga wasn't back with her midnight tomorrow then we'd be charged with Kidnapping." Meg shrugged, feeling helpless. She hated feeling helpless.

Snape remained perfectly still, his face a mask of concentration, his dark black eyes hard as stone as he studied Meg.

He took two steps toward her, Clarity over one shoulder, drooling down his back.

He reached out and cupped his hand over Meg's cheek.

"This will end now, Megan." He leaned forward and kissed her gently before handing Clarity to her. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, making her coo at him.

Meg frowned, realising he was up to something.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"Pre-empt her." He smirked and it was nothing short of evil. "Of course."

He turned to Senga and crossed to lay his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I will sort this out." He hesitated slightly before reaching forward and kissing the top of her head.

He muttered "Malfoy Manor" and Apparated with a soft pop.

Senga knew exactly what to do. It would "pre-empt" her mother better than anything her uncle thought he could do.

It was an idea that had been in the back of her mind for a long time now. Ever since she had seen the spell and potion in the book her mother had given her for her birthday.

But to put her plan into action, she would need to get hold of the book and some of the harder to get ingredients the potion would need.

She knew it was drastic, but desperate times called for desperate measures in her view. 

After making sure her aunt was busy with Clarity, she made her way up the stairs and whispered the password to open the door to the attic.

She crept up the steps, closing the door behind her.

She lit the lamps that her uncle had placed and stopped by the entrance to where he'd taken over the potion lab that Meg's father had set up.

She knew better of her uncle to think she could just waltz in and look around. He'd have the place so set with wards that if she didn't disarm them first, she'd set enough alarms off to alert the ministry itself.

She slid her wand from her sleeve and, using every last skill she possessed, she undid every ward he had set.

She wouldn't be able to set them back up again, but if her plan went right, she wouldn't need to. It would be too late, and anything he could say would matter little to her.

Moving quickly to his desk, she forced all the locked drawers until she finally found what she was searching for: her mother's Book of Shadows.

She used her wand to open the book and then rustled through every page until she found the section she wanted.

This was going far too easily, especially when she found every ingredient she would need in his stores. Then her fell face when she saw that things would not be as easy as she had first thought.

She would need to brew the potion before he came back, but that would be impossible. You had to wait three days before the potion was active.

She could brew the potion quite easily, but he'd figure what she was up to before the end of this day. She didn't have three days. She didn't have three hours.

Frustration filled her: frustration and desperation. 

She would find a way. Desperately she riffled through the book, searching with feverish eyes for anything that would give the same results.

And then she found it; a simple spell, irreversible.

She read through the spell twice before it sank in how dangerous the results could be.

At best it would work, and she'd never again have to worry about her parents. At worst it would kill her.

Senga sat on the floor cross legged, the book laid out on her lap, her wand clutched in her sweaty hands.

Could she do this? The spell seemed simple enough, but her mother had always told her that the simplest spells were sometimes the ones that held the greatest consequences.

She closed her eyes, indecision racing through her.

She knew that she did not want to continue on the way things were. She didn't want to go with her mother, who would insist on teaching her and moulding her. She knew her father didn't want her. Pain lanced through her as she thought of everything that had happened in the last year.

She thought of her uncle and aunt and Clarity. Senga loved the little girl with everything she was. The words of her mother cut through her, because she knew that she was capable of doing what she had threatened. Nothing must happen to Clarity, and nothing would if Senga was no longer in the picture.

The answer was simple to Senga, she would do it. If it worked, her uncle and his family would be safe, and she would have what she had yearned for. If it failed and she died, her family would still be safe and she would know no more. What was there to loose?

Nothing.

Senga lifted her head, opened her eyes and, lifting her wand, read through the spell once more, this time using every ounce of magic she had.

The moment the last word left her lips, she felt a tugging sensation in her chest. Pain raced through her veins. She cried out as her limbs lost sensation, and her wand clattered to the floor.

She slumped forward, every last feeling leaving her body until only her vision remained. She could feel the air being drawn from her lungs and her vision decreased until blackness filled her and she knew no more.

* * *

Snape raised his hand and lifted the huge dragon's head that served as the door knocker. He let it drop, and he heard the loud booming noise reverberate through the house.

Seconds later the door was opened and a very small house elf stood there.

"Is Lucifer or Lucius in?" demanded Snape, sneering down at the small creature.

"Severus!" came a falsely cheerful voice. "What a surprise! Get out of the way Drippy and let Professor Snape in." Lucius stepped into view and glowered at the elf who disappeared quickly, leaving Snape to step through the door.

"Lucius," Snape spoke coldly and curtly before stepping through the door and into the entrance hall that had so impressed Meg.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Lucius indicated for Snape to enter the small room that was his drawing room.

"I will speak with Lucifer, if he is still here," Snape said sharply and stopped inside the door.

"Lucifer?" smirked Lucius and touched the bell pull that hung beside the fireplace.

An elf appeared instantly.

"Inform Lucifer that he has a … visitor." Lucius didn't take his eyes from Snape as he spoke.

Snape returned the look with one of his coldest stares.

The elf disappeared and Lucius inclined his head at Snape, one fine white eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Drink?"

Snape shook his head in denial and folded his arms in front of him, his right hand gripping his wand inside the sleeves of his left arm.

The door opened once again and this time Lucifer came in, all show of his normal pompous joviality gone.

"Severus." Lucifer strode to the fireplace and, standing with his back to it, shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Let's get straight to the point shall we?" Lucifer spoke coldly. "You're here because of Morgana."

Snape remained quiet, merely lifted one eyebrow and waited for the other man to continue.

"I have made my decision in disinheriting Morgana, and I will be sticking with it. I realise that Odile is your sister, but it's no secret the contempt between you, so don't even try to defend her." 

"I have no intentions of defending my sister," Snape clarified with disgust. "Nothing could be further from my mind."

"Morgana will get over," continued Lucifer with just a touch of his usual pompousness returning, "not like we were even close!"

Snape refrained from grinning and merely sneered at the men: this couldn't have been easier than if he'd cast Imperious on them.

"Then you will not mind giving her care over to me on a more formal and legal basis," he stated softly.

Lucius' eyebrows shot up and he shook his head.

"My, my Severus, you have become domesticated, haven't you?" he laughed.

Snape bristled but kept his temper in and ignored the other man.

Lucifer's eyes narrowed slightly as he gave thought to Snape's proposition.

He had plans for Odile, and it would certainly make things easier if he didn't have to include the girl in his plans. And it also had the plus point that it would really put a sting in Odile's side if he not only took away every financial means but her own blood too. It would leave her perfectly open to the final stage of his plan, her ultimate demise, but then only after she'd had plenty of time to suffer and to realise that you do not mess with a Malfoy in any way whatsoever. A dark, evil grin flittered across his face as he thought. 

Yes, it would be perfect. He had no compunctions in leaving Morgana with Snape. He knew that Odile valued the girl's skill in the dark arts, but if he had read Snape correctly, then he didn't think that Snape would be rushing to encourage those skills. At the same time, he realised that while Snape would never be the way he was, he was probably more dangerous now than he'd ever been; now he had something to loose, something to defend. A man whose family was under threat was a dangerous one.

He was well aware that Snape was hiding his true feelings on this. He'd even stake a good wager on Snape doing anything to get what he wanted. 

Nothing had changed there then either, he mused, watching the darker man intently, impressed with the fact that even now, after almost an entire lifetime of knowing the man, he still couldn't read his face or his emotions. But one thing was quite clear: his determination to get the girl. He'd given that away the moment he set foot in Malfoy Manor, a place that ordinarily he avoided like the plague.

Lucifer tapped his fingers against his chin, his eyes almost closed in thought. He would have to play this very carefully, put Snape in a position where he was unable to have the upper hand. It would have to be a Stalemate between them. He just wondered how far Snape was willing to go to ensure he had the girl. Time to find out.

Lucifer turned sharply on his heel and faced the fire, his decision made. 

"Derwent!"

Snape kept his face impassive as he watched his brother-in-law react so quickly after what was so obviously an intense mental debate. He had seen the different reactions pass over Lucifer's face. He had always been able to read most of what the man was thinking, and he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would have to watch his back here. There was more at stake than just him now.

"Lucifer…" Lucius stepped forward, not liking the speed his brother seemed to have made a decision at. But he was too late as the head of a man was now in the flames looking inquiringly at Lucifer.

"Can I help?" 

"You can! I want legal adoption papers drawn up, signing Morgana Agnes Malfoy over to Severus Snape and…" Lucifer snapped his fingers impatiently and turned to Snape.

"What's the name of your wife again?" he demanded.

"Megan Kate Snape," Snape said softly, keeping his tone neutral, not allowing any signs of triumph to show. It wasn't the moment yet, it wasn't completely through yet, and he had no doubt that Lucifer would extract some sort of payment for this, but, at the moment, there was little he could think of that he wouldn't give up to get those papers.

"I..er…what? Pardon?" the man was clearly flustered at Lucifer's request.

"Adoption papers!" Lucifer snapped at him angrily. "Good Merlin, are you deaf as well as stupid? Can you not listen and obey a simple instruction?" 

"I … I heard you, but it's not that easy…" The man was close to panicking now.

"Why not?" snapped Lucifer, not about to be foiled by some snivelling nobody.

"We… we would need your wife's permission and a signed witness."

Lucifer rolled his eyes and glared at the man.

"And this is a problem how?" he demanded sharply.

"Er… is she… is Mrs Malfoy…" he licked his lips nervously. "is she there now?" 

"Does it look like it?" grated Lucifer.

"Lucifer." Lucius stepped forwards suddenly and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "What are you planning? Don't be too rash."

"It's perfect, Lucius." Lucifer looked at him and smiled evilly, his voice dropped to a whisper and neither Snape nor Derwent could hear what passed from Lucifer to Lucius, but when Lucius stood back, his own face held a remarkably similar evil smile.

Lucifer rounded on Derwent again.

"Let me see if this is right…we have my brother here who can witness my actions, Severus Snape is here so he can sign on behalf of his wife. All we need is for Odile's signature to be on those forms, is that correct?" He eyed the man in the flames carefully, who again licked his lips and nodded.

"That's correct, sir." 

"Well, it wouldn't really be too hard for Odile's signature to appear on these documents, now would it? I will have my brother lower the wards for you to floo here in half an hour's time. I expect you to have the correct forms filled out and ready for completion by our signatures. Understand?" 

"Er.. well… no.. I mean, about your wife's signature, sir." 

"Get creative, Derwent! It is, after all, what you're overpaid for! And let's face it, with your past ability at - how shall we put it - scriptive deception, it shouldn't be too hard for you, should it! I'm sure you follow me now, don't you Derwent?"

Snape watched, mildly impressed, as the head of Derwent went frighteningly pale even amongst the green flames.

"Of course sir! I will get on it right away." Derwent disappeared and Snape had a disturbing image of the man emptying his stomach before he did anything else.

"There!" Lucifer turned from the fireplace with a smug grin on his face, but it disappeared without trace when he looked at Snape.

"You know what transpires here today, Snape," he spoke coldly, his voice hard as iron.

Snape rose one eyebrow; the reverting to his last name spoke more than the words themselves.

"I do indeed, Malfoy." He smirked at the man, and it was nothing short of evil.

"Not so completely domesticated then, Snape?" Lucifer inched forward to stand side by side with his brother.

"Never said I was," Snape grinned coldly at them

"Now will you drink with us?" asked Lucius, watching the man in front of them closely. The man he had known and slightly feared years before was still there. He found it interesting the changes that had undergone in this man; he was sure that Snape wasn't even aware of all the changes. But he also knew that to stand against this man would be folly. He admired that, even if he didn't fully trust him. He would be a fool if he did, and he was no fool.

"Brandy would be acceptable," Snape replied and, slipping out of his robes, he sat down in the chair by the fire.

Derwent hovered nervously by the chair, his hands wringing together until Lucifer could stand it no more.

"Sit down!" he barked, "and stop hovering like that. I see everything is complete here. Let's get on with it then!"

Derwent paled even more and sat down, grabbing for his bag which held his quill.

Snape chuckled nastily and slid the papers towards him.

"You keep remarkable company," he murmured to both of the brothers.

Lucius smirked and shrugged slightly.

"You know what they say, 'it's not who you know but what you know about them!'"

Snape allowed himself a deeper chuckle and then settled back to read the legally binding papers that would make Senga his child by adoption.

It took less than ten minutes for everything to be signed and sealed.

Derwent put his own copies of the papers into his bag.

"One will be filed with the Ministry as soon as I get back, and the other will be kept on file as required by the Ministry. I just… what about Mrs Malfoy?" Derwent, now the whole thing was done, was eager to get away from them but curious as to how they thought they were going to get over Odile.

"That's for us to sort out, Derwent. Now get going, and I don't have to remind you to keep your mouth shut, do I?" Lucius crossed to his desk and withdraw a bag. He crossed back to Derwent and handed him the bag.

It clinked as Derwent took it, and Snape realised it was filled with money.

A gleam came into Derwent's eyes, a gleam that was easily recognised by Snape as greed.

"Thank you, Sir." Derwent clutched the bag and stepped towards the fireplace.

Lucius waited until Derwent had disappeared before turning to Snape.

"So, Severus Snape will still resort to unsavoury means to secure his wishes," he smirked at Snape.

Snape stood up and tucked the precious papers into the inside pocket of his dress coat.

"Did you really think I was so different?" drawled Snape as he slipped back into his cloak and did up the silver serpent clasp at his throat to hold it together.

Lucius laughed and gathered their own copies of the paper together.

"We will use it against you if need be though, I'm sure you understand this, don't you?" Lucifer came to stand beside his brother.

"And I'm sure you understand that I would never allow you to get that far, don't you?" Snape smirked evilly at them.

"Touche!" Lucius drawled. "I doubt we'll be seeing you again any time soon, will we?"

"I very much doubt it." Snape strode towards the door before stopping to look back at the brothers. "Odile will not be happy."

"Odile is never happy," Lucifer snapped bitterly. "But I will be dealing with her, and I don't want any interference."

"You will get none from me." Snape's face was blank, but his black eyes were hard as granite. He raised one eyebrow and stepped out of the door, needing no escort to find the front door.

Lucifer looked at Lucius and shivered slightly.

"Heartless bastard, isn't he?"

"So he would appear, so he would appear," mused Lucius. "I wouldn't trust him though; blood after all is thicker than water."

Lucifer nodded and refilled his brandy glass.

Snape looked up at the sky, which had turned an ominous shade of grey. Rain was on the way and it suited his mood.

He realised that he'd just broken abut every law the Ministry had, and he knew that if Odile contested it, there would be trouble. He no longer had the financial means to buy his way out of things and pleading ignorance might not wash.

He knew that Lucifer wasn't going to let Odile get away with her deception. This was probably his first step in some plan he had for her.

He scratched the back of his neck as rain slipped down inside his collar. He held no love for his sister, but he was also aware of a niggling feeling deep in his soul, a feeling that he might not be able to allow the Malfoys to hurt her physically.

It was a feeling that took him by surprise and, for a few minutes, he blamed Megan completely for it, before he began to think about what to do about Odile.

He shook his head and Apparated with a soft pop.

A/N: Firstly, I apologise for how long it took me to get this posted up. It's been re-written several times and still I agonise over it. So, please be gentle with me as I'm sure that it isn't going how everyone thought it would.

Herein lies my dilemma, does anyone else think, like me, that Snape can still be an evil bastard when he thinks it's necessary? Not Deatheater, all out evil, but I think that dark part that drew him to it in the beginning is still there.

I also apologise about the cliffhanger but I can't go back to Senga without making this chapter too long to upload.

Plus, as you've already guessed the end is nigh. I've noticed a pattern in this story, things seem to amble along for awhile and then all of a sudden, everything happens at once. There are still a few things to clear up but there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. 

Here's a quote for you I found on a website and can't remember which one, but applies to me daily:

Due to unforeseen technical duties the light at the end of the tunnel will not be working for the foreseeable future.

And here's another to cheer you up:

Grow your own Dope!

Plant a man!

Anyway, thank you very much to everyone who had got as far as is and is still mildly interested.

I know a few of you have started on your Spring Break (Half term hols over here in 'good ole Blighty'!) have a great time and relax!

Onto reviews:

Saloma: Thank you for enjoying this, I hope you continue to do so, and as you see Snape is far from soft. In fact he scares me.

Mille: I hope you continue enjoying it!

BlueFrost: Most babies do seem to have the entire universe (or at least the entire household) revolving around them! As for Meg and Senga, I actually find it kinda hard to write, I'm not certain that Senga would completely open up to either Meg or Snape, cause although it seems like years, she's only been there for about a year and she's never had anyone before to relate to and she isn't too sure on their motives either. I think Neville is probably the closest she's come to relating to anyone and now he's getting all green-fingered… I just hope you like the way this story goes… (bites nails nervously) and thank you for reviewing, it makes my day!

Chary: I can't actually imagine any parents acting like Lucifer and Odile, I mean there must be people out there along these lines otherwise we'd never need the NSPCC (bless them) but thankfully, I have never met anyone like this. I still find it mildly disturbing that the way these characters are acting is coming from my imagination.

I have to admit that I think Snape should have gone up there and sorted out with Senga just what was in that letter and I was surprised he let Meg talk him over (I don't mean to sound pretentious there, what I mean is I wrote it out two ways, one with Snape going up and forcing the issue so to speak, but it forced things too early for the rest of my story and would have made it difficult later, so I went with the other way where Snape listens to Meg, who I also think had a very good reason as to why he shouldn't have gone up there. Wow, that's long winded and very confusing!) I just hope you like this and thank you for reviewing, it keeps me going.

Frini: Hey! Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked this chapter, I just hope you like this one as well… it took me ages to write (as you know!) and I'm quite worried at how it's going to be taken by everyone. My nails are non existent! Thinking of you!

CurlieGirlie: Thank you for reviewing and I hope I don't ruin it by saying, yeah they do get it right in the end, bumps though they be numerous.

Moldanubikum: I hope you didn't get too far behind in your work by reading. I just hope you like this one too. Thanks!

Angare-3434: I hope your tests went well and that you enjoyed your visit to your grandparents. I love Wales, it's a very beautiful country! And the people are so dark, mysterious and passionate! Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this one.

Rugi: Thank you for liking the way Lucifer and Lucius handled it, I hate to admit that I really enjoyed writing that bit, must be the nasty side of me!

Dungeon Dweller: Thank you, I hope you continue to enjoy it!

Laura: Thank you for your review! It really gives me a high when I read reviews. I'm glad you agree with the whole infrastructure of the Malfoy family. I hope you continue to like this.

Christa: Thank you. I'm just surprised it's being rolling this long!

Ducki: Thank you for reading and reviewing, hope you continue to enjoy.

Penance: I feel sorry for Senga too but I reckon, while this may leave some kind of a scare on her (bound too really) if she gets the attention and care she needs she'll do okay. As for revenge…. Now there's something that hadn't actually occurred to me! Thanks for reviewing and giving me a tip! Hope you continue to like it.

BlackHedwig22: Thanks for reviewing, hope you still stay with it!

Kitten: I love Neville to bits, if he wasn't already spoken for I'd have him for my brother. Thanks for reviewing.

Flame of Ice: blushes thank you. I hope you continue to like it.

PsycoKittyPyro: Hoping this stops you from exploding. Thanks for being so great! Hope you continue to like it and sorry for taking so long.

Evermind: Thanks for giving up your sleep for this story, I just hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. 

Carlotta Cooper: Thanks for your review. I was sorry to read that you went through a situation similar to Meg, I have to say that I wrote this bit from experience with my mum's mum. And I have to admit that in certain areas, this story has been a bit of a purge for me. I don't think I realised it at the time, but reading back over it I can. I really appreciate your review, I think there was one reviewer who couldn't understand Meg's reaction to her mother and I did wonder for awhile whether it was just me. I hope you continue to like this story. Thanks.

Lisa Parry: Kids are great really, I think, erm check back in twenty years. Seriously, Clarity at the moment is hard to write, because babies don't get to be truly fun until they're past the "dead slug" impression (as my neighbour calls it) and crawling, climbing and generally causing havoc. I mean I can't wait to see Snape's potion lab in five years when Clarity can not only walk, talk and reach, but will probably be the most precocious child you can imagine. I hope this chapter doesn't make you even more nervous, please don't give up on it yet.

Chero-Angel: Thanks for hanging in with me! I just hope this chapter works for you too, thinking of you (remember that!), take care!

MKawaii: Thanks for your review, I hope you like this chapter too. To put your mind at rest, Lucifer has pretty much washed his hands of Senga (which you've probably gathered,) he's very cold-hearted about it, which is kinda scary and doesn't bode well for Odile fate really. Anyway I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Lan: Sorry I didn't put in a review section, That was bad of me I know, it was so long (and I've done it again!) but I couldn't not leave it again, besides I enjoy this part far too much to deny myself. Thank you and another poem is always welcome.

Martha and Squirrel: Hiya! I'm glad you're hanging in there with me. And while it may not seem it, I do know where this is going (kind of), well I least I know what will be happening to them in ten years time…. And I have to admit to being a sucker for a happy ending. Hope you like this one too.


	47. Above the law

Updated March 2008.

Usual disclaimer. I own nothing. Once again, huge thanks to Camille for all her hard work. Any errors remaining are all mine!

* * *

Snape felt old, old and worn, like a very old jumper that was falling apart at the seams. He ran a hand across his eyes, sighing deeply. He had thought everything was working out; he had thought everything was going to be okay.

He let his head fall back against the stone wall behind him. Obviously thinking wasn't his forte anymore.

Life had never been easy for him, not even with Megan by his side. After four years he still woke up occasionally in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He would be paying for his mistakes for the rest of his life, and now he had passed on the burden of punishment to Senga.

She was so young and so old at the same time. It had frightened him how quickly he had grown to love her. He had taken one look at her determined little face, so blank and carefully controlled, and he felt something inside him die. She was like Meg in some ways: to really know what either of them was thinking, he would have to see their eyes. Meg these days had nothing to hide from him; her eyes always seemed to shine with love when she looked at him. A love he still did not deserve.

But Senga, her eyes were not unlike his. They were a warmer brown than his own hard, cold, black ones, but to read the emotions in them was harder. But even so, sometimes he had looked into them and read a fear so strong that it sent chills down his spine. And sometimes he'd seen defeat in them.

He drew his head from the wall and let it fall back again, the sting from the impact not even breaking his train of thought.

He should have pushed her more, tried to get deeper into her thinking. But there again, she was a Snape, with walls built so high he doubted even she could see the top. But he should have tried harder to get through the walls. He should have done more than he did. He had failed her; when she needed him most, he had failed her.

His hand crunched over the papers in his pocket as he closed his eyes in pain. It all seemed so futile now, so bloody futile.

Severus Snape master of his own life. 

He snorted into the darkness his head once more falling back against the unyielding brick.

Severus Snape master of nothing; that seemed more in keeping now. He had been so sure, so blindingly sure that he had control over everything, when in fact the only thing that had been sure was he'd been over-confident and failed. Yet again. When she had needed him… but it told him more that she had gone to such lengths. It told him that she didn't fully trust anything or anyone, least of all him. She had felt boxed in, cornered, and in her youth and ignorance, she had turned to a decision she would have to live with for the rest of her life. Every day she lived, every day she breathed, she would be reminded of what she had done. It would remain to be seen if she could indeed stand to live like that.

His fist unclenched as he straightened from the wall.

He had failed her once, and he would live with that for the rest of his life, but he wouldn't fail her again. He would be there for her, no matter what. No matter what the cost to him, he would be there.

A movement from his left brought him whipping round sharply, his hand clenching on his wand inside his sleeve.

"Severus?" Meg came out of the side door of the hospital, her arms wrapped around her as she peered into the gloom.

He stepped forward into the light falling from the lights inside.

"Here," he said softly. "What's happened?" His voice was perfectly controlled, as was his face. Nothing showed of the internal panic that was racing through him.

"Do you want to go and see her yet? They've said we can go in now." Meg held out her small hand to him.

He narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, once more reaching out with his hand to take hers.

She felt the wetness in his palms and frowned down briefly before taking his other hand and holding them, palm outwards, towards her.

He tried to flinch back, but she held him tightly.

"Don't," she spoke softly, her head bowed as she let go one of his hands to slip her wand out. She whispered a healing charm on the bloody digs in his palms and slipped her wand back again. She looked up at him, her eyes searching for and finding his.

"Don't shut me out, Severus. We can do this. We can get through this together, there's nothing we can't fight together," she spoke quietly and once again he saw the love she had for him shining quite clearly in her eyes.

"You make things seem so simple," he said quietly, no hint of his usual sneer to be seen.

"No, things are never simple," she sighed and smiled sadly at him, "but as long as we stand together, we stand a chance. Senga stands a chance." She drew in a deep breath, not ready to deliver the blow that she knew would hurt him more than anything else.

"Senga has…." Meg stopped unable to go on. She swallowed deeply.

"I know what she has done, Megan," he said quietly, his eyes fixed on the clasp of her robe. "She's tried to strip her magic from her soul, hasn't she?"

Meg nodded, tears welling in her eyes again.

Snape nodded and looked up, his back going straight as he looked over her head into the unrelenting darkness of the hospital grounds.

He knew what she'd done, the moment he had arrived back at the house and Jack had opened the door to him, his usually cheerful face drawn and worried.

Of course, first thoughts were for Megan or Clarity, but when Jack had said no, they were fine it was Senga, something had told him deep inside that he'd been too late, too blind.

Jack had told him she'd been in his potion lab in the attic, and he'd known that it was no accident. Of course Jack, at that time, had thought she'd been experimenting and something had gone wrong. But Snape knew Senga better than that. She had tried to remedy the situation in the only way she could think of.

"Severus?" 

Meg's anxious voice cut into his thoughts, and he looked back down at her, his face no longer impassive but racked with pain and a blackness that chilled Meg to the bone.

"She's in a coma, isn't she?" he asked curtly.

Meg nodded once again and ran her hands up his arms lightly till she was holding the edges of his cloak.

"Yes, the effect of the splitting spell was too strong for her mind to handle. Her brain has switched off to try to …" Meg stopped, finding it very hard to continue.

Snape nodded and caught her hands in his.

"And do they know whether she has succeeded in what she was trying to do?"

Meg didn't stop the tears from falling as she nodded at him, her bottom lip caught in her teeth.

Snape frowned down at her, but Meg knew it wasn't at her. He was fighting his own emotions.

"Severus… you need to let…"

"Not here," he grated, his grip on her hands tightening as he fought to control the tidal wave of mind-numbing pain that was washing over him. Guilt, pain, grief, they all flooded through him, but a lifetime of with-holding emotions kept his head high and eyes dry.

"Not here, Megan. Not now." He shook his head and Meg could easily read how hard it was for him.

She nodded and stood back; he let go of her hands.

"She's going to be okay, Severus. She will wake up from this." She knew he would only let it fester inside if she didn't try and help, but she also knew how important it would be for him to keep it together while they were here.

"She'll wake, but what will she be like when she wakes?" he grated and, taking a deep breath, headed inside with her.

"They think she stands a good chance of being okay," she said quietly as they walked to deserted corridors towards the I.C. centre.

"And what level of okay are they thinking of?" he murmured.

"At best…" Meg gripped his elbow and moved closer to him, "at best they say her mind will completely recover, and she'll be like she was; although, she'll never have any ability to create magic again whatever the outcome. She might have to live with headaches for the rest of her life, but they say they have potions that can help. At worst, trying to split the magic from her soul will have shattered her mind." 

Snape stared straight ahead and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not sure Senga was banking on either outcome," he remarked dryly. They turned the corner to the room and stopped short.

The only word to describe it was a 'gaggle,' and it had appeared outside Senga's room. Remus, Jack, Flitwick, and Sirius were all standing in a huddle talking at each other, obviously arguing. Dumbledore stood to one side, his normal cheerful face solemn as he watched the group silently.

Snape's moved forward, his face darkening like thunder.

"Well, well, news does travel fast," he sneered, every wall of protection he had firmly back in place.

"Severus!" Remus moved forward, anxiety showing clearly on his face. "We just heard. How is she?"

Flitwick, Jack and Remus began talking at Snape all at once, until Albus stepped forward, one hand raised.

Everyone stopped talking, and it was clear to see Albus had control not only over his students but everyone he met.

"We are here to see if we can help," Albus spoke quietly, his watchful eyes flicking between Meg.

"I doubt that Albus, but thank you." The words were ripped from Snape's throat and it showed.

The door to Senga's room opened, and a Medi-witch came out, her face showing her surprise at seeing so many people gathered there.

"What's going on here?" she said sharply. "This isn't a gathering place, you know! If you wish to stop and talk, please do so in the visitor's room and not here in the corridor!" She bustled forward and, recognising Meg, stopped.

"Ah! Professor Snape." She indicated her head to Snape. "Please go on in." She glared round at the other men all still standing there. "Well? What are you waiting for? There's no bellboy here! Get along with you all, or I'll have the lot of you thrown out!"

Meg, at any other time, would have found it amusing to see four grown and much bigger men all shuffle off obediently at the words of the small witch.

"Right!" she humped slightly and turned back to Snape.

"Now," She smoothed her apron down, "don't go expecting too much. The poor lass has undergone a terrible shock not only to her soul but to her body as well. She'll not look much like what you remember her to look like. But all being well, things will be fine." The strict voice of the medi-witch was replaced with a soft caring tone. "Would you like me to go in with you?" she finished softly.

Snape stared down at her and bowed his head to her slightly in courtesy.

"No, thank you. We will be fine." He turned to Meg and, taking her elbow, he walked towards the door.

Snape felt as if the walk through the door lasted years, everything seemed to slow down as he entered the dimly lit room.

His black eyes searched round the room, taking in the drawn blinds at the window, the potted plant in one corner that looked like it needed a good watering, he even noticed how the chairs were placed before he let his eyes rest on the foot of the bed. The covers were neat, tucked under at the foot and both corners, and had a nice peachy colour, or it might have just been the lighting that gave them that colour. His eyes wandered up over the slim form of Senga's legs under the covers to where her hands rested above the covers, laying limply. She had always been pale, but it seemed now as if they were truly white. His eyes took in the green of the hospital gown she was dressed in, and then finally he looked at her face.

He was completely unable to stop the sharp intake of breath at the sight of her.

The world seemed to ripple and close in around him. He was aware of Meg's similar reaction, but it was as if he were behind a glass wall that prevented him from hearing anything or doing anything except stare at Senga.

And then everything came crashing back down on him, sounds came hurtling back at him and time once more started to tick.

He saw Meg rush to her side, and he slowly went round the other side to stand looking down at her.

"Oh, Severus!" Meg couldn't stop the tears from really flowing now. "Her hair, her beautiful hair and her skin!"

"Megan." Snape sat heavily in the seat, his eyes not leaving the features of his only niece. "She may not respond to us, but on some level she will be aware of us and will hear anything we say." He reached out a finger and gently lifted a lock of Senga's hair. Where it had once been black, it was now snow white, not a hint of grey, not a hint of blonde, it wasn't even silver. It was as white as freshly fallen snow, and it broke his heart.

He let the hair slip through his fingers as he reached forward to run a finger down her skin, there was no colour in her at all. Her eyebrows were white, her eyelashes were white, the fine hair that covered her skin was also white, giving her the appearance of being covered in a fine powder. Her skin itself held no colour, and her lips were only just slightly darker than her skin.

He rested his finger on her chin and sighed.

"You're beautiful, Senga. You always have been, and you always will be," he muttered and closed his eyes against the pain.

* * *

"What did you go and do that for?" came the hushed, slightly strangled voice.

Senga's white, limp hand was picked up in a larger, rougher hand and held gently.

"Didn't you know that I was here for you? Didn't you know that?" A hand reached out and stroked a lock of pure white hair from her forehead.

"I'll always be here for you." The covers were smoothed out. "No matter what."

* * *

Odile paced the floor with quick, agitated steps, her black high heels clicking like pistols shots.

"And what are you trying to say?" she hissed at the smaller man sat behind the big oak desk.

"That you can do nothing," came the cold and slightly smug reply.

Odile stopped long enough to cast him an icy cold glare, but it didn't faze the man blinking large eyes behind gold-rimmed glasses. This man worked for the Malfoys, nothing short of Voldemort could rock this man. 

"How can this be? How can they possibly get away with it! It is quite startlingly obvious that bears no resemblance to my signature!"

The man raised expensively cut suited shoulders and blinked twice. The man knew from experience that the best way to get by was to remain silent.

Odile knew her husband well enough to know that when it comes to position, the only ones who could help her would be firmly in his pocket already.

"So be it," she whispered, "he wishes to play this way…." She was startled into silence by the knocking on the office door.

"Come in," Dawson behind the desk called out, frowning slightly. He had expressly requested no interruptions when Odile Malfoy had come steaming in.

The door opened and his mousy secretary poked her head around timidly.

"I'm so sorry to bother you sir, but this has just arrived for Mrs Malfoy, and it is marked urgent."

Dawson gave a quick gesture with his hand and watched as she darted across the room to give the folded and sealed note to Odile.

The woman left the room, closing the door behind her.

Odile slid a long, blood-red nail under the seal and opened the paper.

Dawson watched her closely as she read; her blank face for one moment showed signs of shock and something else, something he couldn't quite place.

"I have to leave," she announced regally. "You may inform Mr Malfoy that he will be hearing from me shortly."

"As you wish, madam." Dawson rose quickly to his feet and headed to the door to open it for her.

Odile swept out, her face completely passive, giving nothing away.

She left the building, her back straight and her chin up. It took only minutes to round the corner of the building into a quiet dark alley that would lead to the main part of Diagon Alley.

She stopped half way down the alley. She gasped and clutched at her stomach, her heart contracted painfully as she slumped against the wall her face twisting in pain.

She let her head fall back against the wall, completely oblivious to the damp smelly surface. A silent sob was torn from her throat as she slid to the floor still clutching her stomach.

A/N: A great big thank you to everyone who has been reading this and has stayed with me. It really means a lot to me when people leave reviews, it's great to see new names amongst the reviews and I have to say that I owe a lot to those of you who have been with me from the start. It gives me a big high seeing your pennames! Thanks a million.

Now… I'm sorry that things are still hanging with Senga being in a coma, but I had to leave it there or the next chapter would have been awkward.

Another thing… yeah I'm fairly transparent so although it wasn't done deliberately I daresay that Senga's hair was probably subconsciously inspired by Rogue from X-men. I wrote the chapter and then after, when I was reading it through, Rogue came to mind, so I'm fairly sure she must have been in my subconscious.

Apologies for that!

Cynjo: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it, hope you continue to like it.

Padme Veronica Tyler: I was impressed at you learning English that way! Wish I could learn another language. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you continue to like this story.

Minafinnes: Thank you very much, it means a lot to me when people like reading this story. I hope you continue to like it.

Stephanie: Sorry I haven't updated for awhile hides in shame. I hope the wait was worth it for you. Thanks for staying with me.

TheChicaChic. Thanks for staying with me. It means a lot to keep seeing people coming back! Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Lisa Parry: Oops! I hope you're not too disappointed. I had her try to split the magic from her soul cause I was thinking that the magic in a wizard was like an extra "part" of them, like an extra limb, something that Muggle folk don't have. Something intrinsic within them that could be separated, but only at great cost.

Yes, I think you're right about the Malfoys, the history of the land owning British gentry is a bloody one – there were good families but Slavery, Potato famine and Home Rule all come to mind. I think the Malfoys are a perfect example of British Aristocracy at its very worst (magic not withstanding!). Thanks for staying with me, I love reading your reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Sarah T: I hope the wait was worth it for you. I'm sorry it's been so long! Thanks for wading through this story and still being around to review! Thank you.

Artemys: Thanks very much big grin on my face. Snape may be domesticated but he's still in shock, wait till the reality sinks in and he realises exactly what Senga has done and why she did it! I'm so gonna have some fun with this!

PsycoKittyPyro: Hope this is okay for you! Hopefully it won't take me so long next time… but then I think I said that last time… sighs… Thanks for stayong with me though!

Laura: Thanks for staying with me! I love your reviews and you're right, Snape is trying to protect Meg, but he's so used to dealing on his own that it's hard for him to rely on her. They've been a few years but they haven't anything major uptill now to deal with. But now this turns up and it's crunch time. Ordinarily Meg would have kicked his butt for you (lol) but she's still physically and emotionally tired from having Clarity. It took me about a year to get over having my daughter and then I went and fell ill with Viral Meningitis …oh well… Meg won't be getting that! Thanks for reviewing!

Eyebright: Another long wait… sorry! "It's life Jim, but not as we know it" that kept me away! Darn shame that reality is just that, reality! Hopefully I'll get the next chapter up quicker! Thanks for staying with me though.

Hawaii: I hope that you enjoy this chapter and continue to enjoy it! Thanks very much!

Penance: I wanted an all out cat fight between Meg and Odile, but unfortunately the rules of Propriety prevailed and they had to keep a semblance of respectability in public. But they may not always be in public… Thanks for staying with me.

Ducki: Migraines are hell…. I hope you don't get them frequently. Thanks for staying with me and I hope you enjoy this.

Frini: What can I say? I'm glad we're friends Frini and thanks for being an inspiration.

Lunarmouse: I'm so glad the general consensus is that Snape can still be evil. I really couldn't see he'd be that different underneath it all, especially now he has something to protect. Excellent quote by the way and I'll nick it from you for later! Thanks for keeping with me, it means a lot.

Fantome: Thank you, the best compliment, a great warning and so true! Lol

Silvershadow: Hope the wait was worth it, thanks for taking the time to review.

Steelmagnolias: I read all reviews (several times infact) and I love to hear (read) peoples two cents! Glad you've enjoyed it so far, I hope you don't get disappointed. As for the chair.. great chair.

Coesius: Chary gets me too! Do you reckon we should stage a demo and get her to update! She kills me! You make me smile nig time! Seriously though it gives me a kick when people like reading what I write. I like to write what I like to read. Thanks so much for keeping with me. I hope you continue to like this.

BlueFrost: Thanks for reviewing. I hope you enjoy this chapter, Meg and Senga will have a few more scenes together but I have to say I do find it hard to write them together.

Black Jade: Thank you very much! I'm glad it makes you feel good that is what I want for everyone who reads it. I hope you like this chapter too.

Dungeon Dweller: Thank you! I hope you like this one too.

Chary: Were your ears ( read fingers) burning earlier? Just wondering (read begging) for an update? grins. Thanks for keeping up with this story so… Odile is loosing it as she realises but I expect she has a few tricks up her sleeves.

Angare 3434: Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy this one as well!

Mione: Yup! You were spot on! Snape, besides the slightest twinge of conscience, doesn't really care much what happens to Odile. I hope you like this chapter too. Thanks again for reviewing!

Kitten: Thaks for a great review I hope you enjoy this one too.

Alex-gray: Thank you! I'm so glad you still like where this has gone or is going. I hope you like this one too.

Rugi: Thanks for always seeming to be the first one to review! I love seeing your name come up! And you were right! Senga seems old for her age but underneath she's just a frightened little girl who has to deal with things she's not ready for. Thanks for staying with me and I hope you like this as well.

And I'm sorry if I've spelled anyone's pennames wrong! I usually print out the reviews and then type my replys up but I ran out of ink and had to write everyone's reply's long hand from the screen and I can't always read my own writing! Says a lot really!

Thanks everyone for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this.

Take care of yourselves whatever you're up to!


	48. Odile plans and Jack lectures

Okay, Usual disclaimer, and I don't expect many of you will read this for weeks, if you're anything like me, your noses will b

Updated March 2008.

Okay, Usual disclaimer, and I don't expect many of you will read this for weeks, if you're anything like me, your noses will be stuck in the new book! I hope you have many happy hours reading! 

Oh and some advance warnings on several things;

Camille is taking a well earned break and I wish her well… but this hasn't been checked for the many errors that I know are lurking! Please forgive my inability to write my own language and take pity on me.

Secondly, while this chapter doesn't deal directly with Child Abuse, it is referred to and while Child Abuse is horrific in any form there's nothing in detail, I thought I'd better warn you all anyway. Oh and… there should be a warning for my waffling… this is a long chapter!

_I'm standing on the bridge_

_I'm waiting in the dark_

_I thought that you'd be here by now_

_There's nothing but the rain_

_No footsteps on the ground_

_I'm listening but there's no sound_

_Isn't anyone trying to find me_

_Wont somebody come take me home_

'_I'm with you' by Avril Lavigne_

Blackness, impenetrable blackness surrounded her, clawing its way into every pore, filling every corner of her soul.

Terror filled Senga, the kind of terror that fill nightmares. When you know that someone or something is behind you, about to get you, but your legs won't move and no matter how hard you try you can't run. And no matter how hard you try to scream nothing will come out. Not that there is anyone to hear you anyway.

Alone. Senga was totally alone in the darkness. She didn't think she had ever been any other way except always alone. There was no one for her now and she couldn't remember there ever being anyone, only the endless, bottomless blackness. She couldn't run now, couldn't move even. Blackness upon her, in her. She tried valiantly to call out, scream for help. But nothing would work. Her vocal cords numbed into silence. Pure terror was on her and she instinctively knew this was no nightmare. There was no one to find her.

* * *

Meg sat silently beside the bed, her hands folded over the unopened book that lay in her lap.

Meg sighed softly, but in the silence of the room it sounded loud and even Meg could hear the desperation in it.

Three days had passed slowly, agonisingly slowly. She and Snape had traded places, taking it in turns to sit with Senga and look after Clarity.

There was only a short time left now before the new school year would start. Things were still yet to be sorted out about what would happen once the new school year started.

There had been some talk of Snape taking an extended leave of absence, but he refused to do this, sighting not only financial reasons but also the fact that Hogwarts couldn't loose two teachers so close to the start of term.

Meg had wanted to disagree but she knew Snape well enough to know that sitting around idly would do neither him nor anyone else any good. At the moment he was at Hogwarts with Albus, while Jack and Hillary stayed with Clarity.

Meg sighed again and glanced down at her book.

A tiny noise alerted her, her head snapped up.

Senga was lying in the bed in exactly the same position as before. Everything was the same.

Meg's shoulders sank in disappointment. She wasn't sure what she had expected.

There was that tiny noise again, like a low crackling noise.

Meg frowned; surely they didn't have mice here!

She looked around her for the source of the noise, but could see nothing and then she heard it again. But this time it was a little louder and sounded more like a whining noise.

She jumped to her feet, her book sliding to the floor forgotten, and leaned over Senga.

Senga was making the whining noise deep in her throat.

"Senga!" Meg's voice came out like a croaked gasp. She stood up and slammed her hand against the bell on the wall that would alert the staff.

She looked back down at Senga and gave a cry of fright.

Senga had turned her head to look straight up at Meg. Her eyes were open, but they were no longer brown. Violet eyes stared unseeingly up at her.

Meg quickly recovered herself, mentally kicking herself for reacting like that.

"Senga. Sweetheart." Meg took one of her limp hands in hope. Senga's fingers closed around Meg's in a death grip. "Senga…"

The door opened and two nurses came in.

"What's happened?" came the clear authoritative tone of the Matron.

She took in the situation immediately and turned to the younger witch next to her.

"Inform Mr. Ranjoral that there has been a change in Miss Malfoy." The younger witch nodded and left immediately.

The Matron bustled over and leaned over to look at Senga.

"Ah!" She pursed her lips together and lifted Senga's other hand which remained limp and unresponsive in her grip.

"Is she waking up?" asked Meg hopefully. Seeing Senga's violet eyes had been extremely unsettling. Not so much the colour of them, but more the fact her eyes were so lifeless, so empty. But Meg had shrugged the feelings aside quickly.

The Nurse looked up at Meg briefly.

"We'll know more as soon as the Consultant sees her," she replied.

At that moment the door opened and the Consultant came in with a cheerful grin on his face. He was still on the young side for a Consultant and his hair was a reddish colour that looked slightly windswept. He had a kind open face with green eyes that flicked briefly at Meg before resting on Senga.

The Nurse moved to the side but Meg refused to step back, her hand still gripped firmly by Senga.

"Right then Missy…" The consultant leaned over Senga and inspected both eyes.

Meg couldn't see Senga's reaction as the young man's head blocked her view.

"And I take it you can't let go even if you tried Professor Snape?" the consultant asked softly, without looking up at her.

"No, and please call me Meg," she said vaguely, trying to peer over his shoulder at Senga. "Is she waking up?" she asked anxiously

"I believe she's moved up a level, I'm just unsure at this point in time what level that would be…" he mused half to himself as he took her other hand and tested her reflexes. Senga made no movement, nothing. She gave no indication she knew any of them were there. If it wasn't for her hold on Meg's hand and her eyes open, she would have looked exactly the same as before.

He straightened up a deep frown between his pale eyebrows.

"I wonder…" he leaned forward and covered her eyes with his hand for several minutes and then removed them quickly, her pupils, which were now just several shades darker violet than her irises, immediately shrank in size.

"What is it?" asked Meg fearfully.

"Let's see if we can talk outside Prof… Meg." He leaned forward again and very gently loosened the fingers of Senga's hand from Meg's.

Senga's hand fell back onto the covers and her eyes closed quickly.

"Oh!" Meg covered her hand with her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes.

"Please, Meg…" he indicated to the door. "She can hear us still."

Meg nodded numbly; when Senga's hand had fallen from her grip and her eyes had closed Meg had gone cold all over. She thought that had been the end; but reason kicked in at the consultants words. She was still alive and he wanted to talk out of her hearing.

Meg almost stumbled as she came round the end of the bed, but the consultant was quick and he caught her elbow holding her upright.

He didn't say a word as he guided her from the room his hand still partially holding her up.

The door clicked softly shut behind them and he briefly looked up and down the corridor before taking leading her into a room just opposite Senga's room.

It was identical to Senga's room but this bed held no occupant.

The consultant led Meg to one of the chairs and then he perched on the bed and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"What is it?" Meg's voice was barely a whisper but he heard her.

"We, that's my colleagues and I, were rather hoping that her eyes would have retained their original colouring." He stated, his eyes watching Meg carefully as she clasped and unclasped her hands.

"And their not… and that means?" Meg prompted him

"I'm not sure. To be brutally frank with you Profess… Meg, I have never actually come across a victim of this spell that has lived. It's not one of the Unforgivables for no reason," he sighed, hating to cause so much pain with words.

"But they said she would be okay; what are you saying?" Meg was getting frantic "You mean she could still…" Tears once again formed in her eyes.

"No." He shook his head and getting off the bed moved around to perch on the side closest to her. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he peered into her face intently.

"Senga is out of the woods. Her heart is strong and none of her internal organs have been damaged. But there is still a long way to go, with no certainties along the way. I'm sorry." He peered at her kindly

"What were you doing when you covered her eyes?" asked Meg. 

"I wanted to see how responsive to light she is." He scratched his head and shrugged "Her pupils responded well. But she may be unaware of her surroundings even though she opened her eyes. The body has reflexes which happened without conscious thought; like breathing, opening and closing your hand, blinking, that kind of thing. The fact that when I removed your hand from hers, her eyes closed, would indicate that she was aware, again on a very subconscious level, that you were there. And that is a good thing, a positive thing."

"So we should continue having someone with her at all times?" she asked.

He blinked several times and ran his hand through his hair again.

"I would say, yes definitely through the day and early evening. We need to implement a schedule, where she has night and day. Someone should arrive each morning, telling her it's morning and so on, and then again at night, whoever leaves her last, should make it know audibly that it's night time and time for sleep." He smiled sheepishly at her. "It's just my idea though Meg, it's not fail safe. There are no tried and proved ways…" He let it fade and watched as Meg squared her shoulders.

"Then we'd better make this the tried and proved way," she said firmly. "We'll make it work!"

"That's the ticket." He nodded.

The consultant smiled cheerfully at her, silently admiring her determination and just praying that it wouldn't be in vain.

* * *

Violet eyes opened and were directed straight towards where Neville had sat down beside the bed, talking already about his latest addition in his garden at his grandmothers.

He faltered only for a second as her eyes seemed to look straight through him.

He had been informed how her eyes would look but even though he'd been braced for it, the absolute reality of it was still shocking and slightly unnerving.

"Well, then, I suppose when you get yourself out of here you'll have to come and inspect it. It's a real beauty; just ten feet tall, still only a baby really, with big purple and yellow leaves…" his voice broke and tears ran down his face.

"Oh Senga…" he let his head fall forward till it rested on the top of the hand he was holding.

"I thought I'd seen the back of this place…." He raised his head as memories of his parents flooded his mind. He resolutely thrust them to one side.

"Of course the fruit it bears will be tasteless until it's at least 16 years old. Nice little fruits called "Drumbles", taste a little like a pear and a strawberry mixed together but not as sweet, if you know what I mean… never mind! You'll find out. You can have the very first fruit from the tree…"

Neville waffled on about his garden, telling her exactly what he'd been planting and describing how he'd persuaded his grandmother to let him have a pond installed with a little fountain and a small bridge.

* * *

Senga wasn't sure if her eyes were closed or open. Or did she even have eyes any more? It was so dark she had no idea; the terror had started to ease, beginning to recede into the darkness around and in her. Her body and mind was becoming more aware with each passing second. Hour? How long had she been here anyway? And where was she?

She could hear mumbling now. At first the silence had been overwhelming, frightening in its emptiness but it had slowly receded bringing with it slight whispers, shades of sounds that made no sense to Senga at first. But then the whispers and mumbling had grown louder till she realised it was someone or several people talking. She couldn't make out the words but they didn't frighten her, instead they seemed to comfort her, helping to ease the terrors that had at first filled her.

It started slowly at first, just a tiny pin prick of light somewhere ahead of her that was so faint she didn't believe it at first.

But it grew stronger until she was able to make out a colour; a tiny green light shimmered in front of her, urging her forward.

She tried hard to reach out for it but it was so far away and it hurt so much to move, hurt to make any effort except to stay very still in the darkness. So she stayed very still, and closed her eyes against the green. It would only be a trick anyway, there had been no one for her before, why should there be now?

* * *

Benedict Jones, known as Benjy to his friends, tugged the sleeves of his dark grey pin striped suit into place, gold cufflinks glinting at his wrists.

"Ready?" He looked across at his partner for ten years and nodded.

Steven L. DeRue handed him a folded newspaper and a black shiny briefcase.

Benedict tucked the paper under one arm and then took the pro-offered black umbrella.

"I really don't feel comfortable doing this," he said as he rested the point of his umbrella on the floor.

"Relax, you look just like 'Steed'" replied Steven, who having a Muggle mother had grown up on all the decent TV programmes, and had spent the last ten years 'educating' his partner.

"Does that make you Mrs Peel then?" grinned Benjy.

Steven grunted and refrained from replying.

Benjy twirled the umbrella on the ground and frowned.

"I didn't actually mean dressing like a Muggle though," He sighed. "I don't feel comfortable doing "this"." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Snape's reputation has gone before him, but I think even he will want to get to the bottom of this." Steven straightened his tie and slid his own newspaper under his arm.

"You don't think he knew what she was doing then?" Benjy looked at him.

"Well, that's what we're going to find out." He shrugged "Word has it though that Snape really cares for the kid."

"Exactly," Benjy clicked his neck to the side and gave a satisfied sigh as the bones clicked into place again.

"Don't do that." Steven winced. "Come on… let's get it over with."

"After you mate," Benjy grinned. "Did you keep up your insurance payments by the way?"

Steven rolled his eyes at Benjy and Apparated with a soft pop, followed by his laughing partner.

They Apparated into a very quiet alley several roads away from the Snape's home. Straightening ties once more, they stepped out into the fairly busy streets and blended quite nicely as they walked along at the brisk trot associated with all city men.

They arrived outside the semi-detached home that looked just like the other twenty or so in the street and walked up the path that lead to the door.

Benjy stretched out his hand and rang the doorbell.

The door was opened several minutes later by a bleary eyed tall man with long black hair and a surly expression.

"Yeah?" Jack rubbed at his eyes and peered at the suited men. "You've got the wrong place mate, we don't need windows here."

"Is Professor Snape in?" All the earlier signs that these two men were human had disappeared.

Jack straightened and blinking sighed.

"Merlin, I must have been asleep to think you guys were Muggles!" He sneered with distaste. "Who are you looking for?" He had heard them perfectly well but he wasn't about to let two heavy-footed ministry thugs into his sister's house when his niece lay sleeping in her cot.

"Professor Severus Snape," Benjy repeated coldly.

"Is currently not here." Jack snapped and moved to shut the door.

Steven shot his foot out and prevented the door from closing.

"You really don't want to cause us any trouble now do you, Mr Kincaid," he said smoothly. "We wish to talk to Professor Snape."

"And I already told you he wasn't here." Jack's voice took on a menacing quality to it. "I suggest you come back later, at a more reasonable time!"

"It's 9.30 in the morning, Mr Kincaid. Where else would Professor Snape be?"

"Well now, let me think…" Jack's voice became mocking. "Being his personal secretary I should know, but oh dear, he must have forgot to leave me a note. Sorry to waste your so important time, now if you'd remove your foot from the door I can get back to sleep."

"That's perfectly okay, Mr Kincaid." Benjy slid the wand through the folded edge of the newspaper so Jack could see it clearly. "We'll just come in and wait for Professor Snape to return." He grinned and Jack was reminded of the pictures of Sharks he's seen on the TV sometimes. He didn't fancy his chances against these wizards anymore than one of those sharks.

"This may ease your mind somewhat." Steven produced a slip of paper from his briefcase and held it out for Jack to see.

Jack took in the Order of Entry from the Ministry and growled.

"Just don't expect Coffee and keep your sticky fingers to yourselves. That's not a search warrant you have there! And if you wake my niece you'll wish you hadn't, Ministry Mugs or not," he grumbled and stood back to let them in.

Jack looked up as he went to close the door and saw at least three curtains twitching in the houses opposite.

"Bloody great," he grumbled and only just resisted the urge to give a two fingered wave to the neighbours before he closed the door.

Steven and Benjy exchanged glances before entering the sitting room and looking around them.

Jack scratched his t-shirt covered chest and followed them grumbling about not understanding why his sister had to live in a "Muggle neighbourhood".

"Jack?" He looked up at Hillary who was standing at the top of the stairs holding a stack of papers. "Who's that?"

"Ministry. Stay with Clarity." He swiped his hand through his hair making it stand up on end. Hillary nodded and disappeared into Clarity bedroom.

Jack went into the living room to see the two men slowing walking around and taking in every detail. Jack could almost feel the hair on the back of his neck rise in anger.

"Don't touch," he growled.

"You really don't like us do you, Mr Kincaid?" drawled Benjy, half turning to cast the younger man a questioning look.

"What's not to like?" Jack replied. "Why are you here anyway?" he shot back.

"Our business is with Professor Snape," Steven said quietly bending to take in a picture of Senga holding Clarity. Senga was beaming and looked remarkably happy. His eyebrows rose as he looked at the row of other pictures lining the sideboard. The pictures were obviously set out in order of earliest first.

Steven made the tiniest of hand movements to Benjy that went right past Jack, as it was supposed to do, but it told Benjy that something amongst the pictures had caught Steven's interest. 

Benjy took his time before he got to the pictures, but if he saw anything he gave no indication.

The front door was opened and Jack turned in the door.

"Ministry," he said curtly. "Invited themselves in."

Jack stepped to one side to allow a thunderous Snape past.

"Can I help you?" Snape's voice had dropped several degrees to just below freezing and his expression was far from accommodating. But Benjy and Steven were trained to deal with this.

"Good Morning, Professor Snape. I'm Benedict Jones and this is my partner Steven DeRue," Benjy breezed. "How are you this morning?"

"How would you imagine?" Snape drawled stepping forward to take his cloak off. "I just spent half the night up; what do you want?"

"It's because of your niece that we are here," Steven supplied and came to stand slightly behind Benjy were he could see both Jack and Snape. They didn't expect any physical trouble today but you could never tell, especially when the man involved was Snape. Jack was an entity that remained a little shadowy, not known to be violent; he had appeared rather laid back in the files they had managed to compile on him. His involvement with another Professor of Hogwarts had come as a slight surprise, especially considering the age gap between them, but then that was nothing really. They knew however, that any man could be pushed only so far, no matter how laid back they were.

"I hardly thought you were here for the hospitality," Snape drawled and draped his cloak over the chair arm. He stood opposite the men, his hair hanging around his face to slightly obscure it. His arms were folded and his hand rested on each elbow. His legs were slightly apart and his head was high as he looked down his long nose at them.

"We would like to discuss this alone." Benjy looked at Jack pointedly who raised an eyebrow at him.

Jack came forward to stand beside Snape. He drew in a deep breath and crossed his own arms.

"I'll be doing what Severus asks." The slight drawl in his voice giving away the length of time he'd spent in Australia.

If Severus was surprised he gave no indication but his eyes slid to look at Jack briefly before going back to glare at the men again.

"Go ahead." He instructed treating them exactly the same way he treated his more challenged students.

Benjy looked slightly uncomfortable for several seconds before his training kicked back in.

"An Unforgivable Spell was cast here four days ago," Steven said, his voice hard. "We are here to find out exactly what happened."

"It's taken you awhile to get here," Jack drawled.

"Not at all." Snape smiled but it wasn't a nice smile. "This isn't your first visit is it gentlemen?"

Steven looked mildly impressed before raising an eyebrow.

"I have no idea what you are referring to Professor Snape," he said calmly.

"Then it must have been someone else who entered this house just after my wife took Senga to the hospital." Snape snorted. "For a crack unit you left an inordinate amount of signs behind you." Sarcasm evident in his voice

"Like I said Professor Snape, it wasn't us," Benjy sighed with relief inwardly, it hadn't been them that had entered the house, it had been another team, and obviously they hadn't done a good job of snooping around. Although having said that, Benjy knew that with the kind of background Snape had, almost no one could get around Snape without him knowing.

"But I take it the ministry didn't find what they were looking for," Snape replied carefully

"What were they looking for Professor Snape?" asked Steven

"You tell me," Snape shot back.

"The truth Professor, just the truth," Benjy supplied walking to the sideboard. "What happened here, Professor Snape?" he looked back at Snape.

"I was not here at the time so I can only surmise," Snape replied coldly.

"Where were you?" Steven inquired

"Out."

"Where?" Benjy shot at him quickly.

"Outside," Snape replied not in the least ruffled by their questions.

"Could you be more specific please, Professor Snape, we are here only to try and get to the bottom of how this happened to your niece."

"I know how it happened," Snape replied and crossed to his cloak, he lifted it up and delved into one of the cloak pockets.

"My niece came into possession of this book and was careless." He held out Odile's Book of Shadows to the men.

"And what is that?" asked Benjy stepping forward to look closer, but he made no move to take it.

"My sister's Book of Shadows," Snape replied.

Steven looked up at Snape, unable to keep the amazement from his face.

"Are you certain?" he demanded.

"I can read, DeRue, it happens to be a compulsory part of teaching," Snape drawled sarcastically.

"I'm sure it is Professor," Steven drawled back and stepped forward to take the book from Snape's long cold fingers. He stepped back and they began to try to figure out how to get to the true contents of the book.

Snape folded his arms again and waited a smug sneer on his face. He was inwardly impressed at the speed they managed to get the book to respond to them.

"My, oh my," Benjy muttered under his breath as he flipped through the pages.

"And how did your niece get hold of this book?"

"I believe my sister gave it to her," Snape replied, fully aware of what he doing and the results of it.

"Your sister…." Benjy blinked before his blank mask fell back into place. "I see."

"I discovered the book in my niece's possession and confiscated it. I was unable to destroy it so I placed wards around it, unfortunately it would now seem I had underestimated my niece's ability." Snape resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Everything was just a mess, and while he had known that this visit was imminent it was something he could do without. 

"You realise that we will have to keep this book, don't you?" Steven said slowly, his eyes darting between the book and the man.

"Yes." Snape nodded and folded his arms. "If there is nothing else I must ask you to leave. I have pressing matters concerning my niece."

Benjy looked at Steven, and nodded.

"We will leave you in peace today Professor, but I don't think we have to tell you that we may need to talk to you again, so don't go too far."

"I don't think that will happen." He snorted dryly and walked them to the front door.

"By the way, Professor Snape, I don't suppose you know where we could find your sister?"

"You're right. I do not know. Good-day gentlemen."

He shut the door behind them and gave in to the urge to pinch his nose and sigh deeply.

* * *

"Ironic, isn't it?" Lucius stated, looking down his long straight nose at his brother.

"Yes." Lucifer nodded, turning away from the cold gaze of his brother.

"And you are feeling…" Lucius stopped and stalked slowly around Lucifer till he could one more look into his brothers face. "I believe you're feeling bad for the girl!"

Lucifer stared at his brother, his face contorted into a sneer.

"Hardly bad, Lucius…" he stopped, the sneer faltering slightly.

"Come now brother, what could you possible be feeling bad about? She was never your true daughter and it's not like she's going to die, is she?"

Lucifer shook his head and allowed his brother to place one arm around his shoulder and lead him into the warm sunshine of the terraced gardens.

"Well, don't you see how perfect this is all turning out?" Lucius stopped on the top terrace and looked out over his formal gardens with arrogant pride. He breathed in deeply through his nose and clutched his brother's shoulders tighter.

"Do you never think of Draco?" Lucifer asked the question quietly.

He felt Lucius tense slightly beside him.

"Sometimes," he admitted, knowing that it was only Lucifer he'd ever admit it to. "But I meant it when I disowned him. He is as good as dead in my eyes. He not only flouted the family name, he has thrown away everything I ever taught him. If I think of him, it's to regret."

"I looked on her as my own," Lucifer suddenly hissed and Lucius tightened his hold even more. "I believed her to be my own flesh and blood. And she isn't and now she'll be nothing more than a squib."

"Odile will pay for what she has done to you, brother. I swear it on the Malfoy honour." Lucius turned, till he could grip both of his shoulders. He looked him square in the eye. 

"She has already lost the inheritance, something she has long coveted. And if Morgana has managed to strip her magic.." He looked at Lucifer with a sudden gleam in his eyes "if her magic has gone then Odile can no longer use her. She has in fact nothing left. Now, what I propose for a starter is a little contribution to the Daily Prophet." He stood back slightly but didn't let go of Lucifer's shoulders

"A little snippet of your forthcoming divorce on the grounds of adultery, perhaps a few words on how she tried to keep the thing covered up. Any ideas on the identity of Morgana's father yet?"

"Tobias Holland," Lucifer spat.

Lucius rose an fine white eyebrow before clutching his brothers shoulders tighter.

"Really?" amusement showing clearly in his voice. "Well, well! Dead isn't he? Although I believe his parents and sisters are still alive."

"I have no plans on dragging even more players into this game," Lucifer told him firmly.

"Oh no, of course not; that little fact won't be made known by us." Lucius winked at his brother. "I do believe that Odile will fall from grace a little; if she no longer has the Malfoy name and family behind her."

"I believe her Coven are social climbers," Lucifer said. "Like most women," he added dryly.

"Excellent, excellent," Lucius confirmed. "She'll get no help from them. She'll struggle first before we finish her."

"Indeed, indeed. And we have Damien to think of still. We will bring him back here Lucius and we will mould him together."

Lucifer's eyes cleared slightly as he thought of his son. He had always intended for Damien to follow in his footsteps anyway, Morgana had always been Odile's project.

He smiled slyly at his brother and was rewarded with an equally sly smile.

"Come! Let me show you where I intend to plant that new hybrid tea rose Narcissa is always nagging about! And we can plan the wording for this article."

Lucius stood back from his brother and together they turned to walk down the stone terraced steps into the gardens.

* * *

It was almost impossible to get into Senga's room when there was no one there. But then experience had taught Odile that things were seldom impossible; just difficult.

She watched as Meg came out of the room, fatigue etched clearly on her face. Odile sneered as the woman passed right by her.

Whatever has Severus seen in her? She was far from being beautiful. Her figure still held some of the fat stored during pregnancy and her hair was in-need of a good brush. Perhaps her brothers habits were rubbing off on her, she certainly had let herself go quite a lot.

Odile straightened slightly, waiting for Meg to round the corner, before heading for the room where her daughter lay.

She opened the door and went in carefully; she knew she had to work quickly. It would only be minutes before Meg came back again.

Odile drew out her wand and looked across at Senga. A strangled gasp escaped her lips as she saw the pure white hair spilled across the pillow.

She faltered slightly before advancing on the bed and sitting down in the chair. Her face contorted as she leaned forward to look closer at her daughter. Her hand shook slightly as her wand hovered over Senga.

She uttered the spell and waited. Nothing happened. She uttered the spell again and still nothing happened.

"You ungrateful worm," she hissed and shot to her feet. "Thirteen years I looked after you! Thirteen hateful, horrendous years. Did you truly think that I wanted you?" Her lip curled as she glared down at the thin girl lying motionless. "You were a mistake, an accident. And now you're totally worthless; not even a tiny bit of magic left in you." Odile stood back from Senga, her fingers twitching around her wand.

The door opened and Odile turned her head, the wand sliding up her sleeve as Meg came back in quietly.

"I'm back again Sen…" Meg looked at Odile with shock that quickly turned to watchful anger.

"What are you doing?" she asked coldly.

Odile raised a delicate black eyebrow at her and smiled a cold tight lipped smile.

"What would you imagine? That I wouldn't come to visit my only daughter?"

Meg folded her arms, her right hand clasped firmly around her wand.

"Well I can't say it crossed my mind." Meg crossed to stand between Odile and Senga. "I think perhaps you should leave now."

Odile snorted and Meg felt an uneasy shiver go through her as she saw the striking resemblance to Severus.

"Telling me what to do?" Odile's head went up and she looked down her long nose at Meg. "I really don't think that's wise do you? A mother always has preference over the care of her daughter. You…" She looked Meg up and down with scorn, "don't look as if you can take care of yourself, let alone a sick child."

"Looks can be deceiving though, I mean, Merlin knows, at first glance you look beautiful." Meg was breaking her own rule of insults being the death of an argument, but she would fight Odile with every thing she had.

Odile threw back her head and laughed, but it was mirthless and quite icy.

"I can see my dear brother is rubbing off on you." She sneered at Meg. "Whatever he saw in a little mouse like you is beyond me…"

"I would imagine a lot of things are beyond you, well anything requiring intelligence that is." Meg kept her cool, her ability to keep her face completely expressionless was coming to advantage. "But you still haven't answered my question. What are you doing here? And don't try and give me the "the loving mother" routine, it won't wash."

"I hardly think it's any of your concern." Odile moved to look down at Senga, the sneer still playing on her face. "But there is nothing here for me anyway. I won't be coming back, so there will be no need to run off to Severus weeping like the stupid little girl you are."

"Stupid?" Meg could feel her temper rising, she knew she had to try and keep her voice low for Senga's sake, but it was proving impossible. "I'm stupid?" Meg snorted one of her 'Snape Snorts'.

"I wasn't the one who got knocked up by a half-blood. I wasn't the one stupid enough to try and kid my husband it was his. How is dear old Lucifer by the way?" Meg could see the bright spots of colour in Odile's cheeks, could see the dangerous glimmer in her eyes; but she was on a roll now and wouldn't stop even if she could. 

"Did he mind? Finding out he'd been played the fool for years? A bit of a mistake that wasn't it? I'm not so sure I'd like to give Lucifer and Lucius Malfoy the upper hand on something. They can be pretty formidable even when they aren't riled; wonder what they'll be like when they get hold of you." 

"Lucifer won't do anything, he wouldn't dare. Besides he thought he'd got his own back when he, Lucius and Severus pulled that adoption trick." Odile watched Meg's eyes closely, and saw the confusion flicker through them. 

"Oh what didn't he tell you? Surely Severus wouldn't keep something from you, at least not something as important as that." Odile's voice was deadly soft. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Severus, and yourself of course, are now Senga's adoptive parents. All three of them managed to get my signature on the adoption papers, although I knew nothing of it."

"You're lying," Meg hissed, unable to keep her mouth shut. 

"Ask him…" Odile smiled viciously at her. "Perhaps deception and lying runs in the family." She lowered her head, her eyes flashing dangerously at Meg. "I wonder what else he's forgotten to tell you." 

She moved past Meg stopping as she drew level with her shoulder. 

"And if you think Lucifer or Lucius will let Severus forget what they've done..." Her voice trailed off as she laughed evilly. "Severus has played with fire by shaking hands with the Malfoy's, but then Severus is far more deadly than they are." 

"Get out," hissed Meg, turning to stare up at her furious with her. "Get out! And don't ever come back!" 

Odile merely laughed at her. 

"What?" she sneered down at her. "Did you really think that Severus would change? Did you really think you'd make something good out of all that evil in him?" 

Meg held herself tightly, refusing to let the fragile hold on her temper go. 

"No. I never once thought I'd make any change in him. I don't have to…" She faded out as her voice failed her. 

"Hah!" Odile really laughed now. "You innocent." She began to circle Meg slowly, bringing her hand up to flick at the mess Meg's hair was in. "You simple little girl. Have you never heard of the chameleon? It can change to blend in wherever it is, but it is still a chameleon. And Severus is and always will be inherently evil, no matter what changes he appears to make. I underestimated him when I put Morgana into Hogwarts. I looked at you and thought he'd gone soft. I thought, like you do, that perhaps he wasn't as dark as I'd always thought, but now I know he was merely reflecting what he wanted me, and you, to see."

Meg lifted her head and looked directly into Odile's eyes, turning her head to break contact with Odile's fingers. 

"You don't know him at all, do you?" Odile whispered. "Or at least not as well as you thought you did." 

Meg could feel the confusion raging inside her, he had made no mention of adopting Senga, or how he'd gone about it. But it had been while he was at the Malfoy's that Meg had found Senga. But since then, why had he not said anything to her? She shook her head to try and rid herself of the doubt creeping into her mind. 

"You're right in some things. Severus is probably the most dangerous man I've ever met. There is a dark side to him, a side that I've never truly seen. But what I do know is this; he loves me and he loves Clarity and Senga." Meg spoke coldly to Odile "He loves us enough to do anything for us. He'd do anything to protect us he told me that." Meg cursed herself as she heard the doubt in her voice. She cleared her throat and spoke firmer. "I trust him." 

"Then you're more of a fool than I took you to be. Do you think that love will keep you safe? Love is the most over-rated emotion and it makes you the most vulnerable." Odile's voice was sharp and it broke the hold over Meg her voice had. 

"And how do you know this exactly?" Meg sneered back at her. "I doubt you could even spell it let alone experience it." 

"Oh I've loved…" Odile stopped, her face closed and her eyes darkened to solid black. Meg knew she'd said something she regretted and she honed in on it like a dog to a bone.

"You have?" Meg turned to face her again. "Really? Oh let me think… not Tobias Holland surely?"

Meg watched as a pinched look came onto Odile's face.

"You forget yourself!" hissed Odile. "Don't think just because you hide behind Severus' wand that you're safe!"

"Don't threaten me," Meg shot back, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"I don't threaten," Odile remarked. "And it isn't me you have to hide from," She stated softly, working once again to undermine Meg.

"What do you mean?" demanded Meg. 

"You work it out. You may stand there and spout fine words of trust and love; but when it really comes down to it, you didn't think Severus would stoop so low, you thought that was the Severus of old, the Severus who was a Death Eater, the Severus who didn't think twice about killing and maiming." 

Odile began to circle her again, bending close so her words were no more than a whisper in Meg's ears. Meg tried desperately to block out her words, to resist the slow insidious tone. It was like velvet covering steel and she knew it was how Severus worked sometimes. She'd seen it and now she was feeling it. 

"Hurts, doesn't it? To discover that the Severus who was in the Dark Lords inner circle has never really gone away." 

"But he did it to keep Senga with us," Meg said weakly, her mind becoming increasingly tangled as Odile's words ate into her like acid into wood. 

"Does it really matter why he did it?" she whispered back. "The fact that he didn't even try and fight any other way should tell you everything you need to know. It does me." 

Meg shook her head to shake the words curling around her like insidious poison. 

"I don't envy you, Megan. You love my brother, anyone can see that, and it blinds you. Makes you susceptible, vulnerable, weak." Odile stopped behind her, one long white hand rested on her shoulder as she leaned down into her ear. "You're weak in your trust in him. And he knows this. He doesn't tell you everything, does he?" Odile took a chance and placed her other hand on Meg's shoulder, squeezing gently. "He's kept other things from you, hasn't he? Told you it was to keep you safe?"

Meg closed her eyes and tried valiantly to break the spell Odile was weaving around her, but her words weren't just poison, they were right. 

"Yes, no.. I mean he didn't want to…" Meg clamped her mouth shut. "How do you know anyway?" the words were dragged from her lips. 

Odile laughed softly in her ear and let go of her shoulders to stand back, watching the effect on Meg, as her words sank in and did the damage she hoped they would. 

"Because I know my brother and I know how he thinks and how he works. He will never change, no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise." 

"No, no you're wrong. I've seen him…" 

"Have you? Have you really? So why does he still hide things. Why doesn't he tell you what he does? When did he tell you about Morgana's true father and how he let the little details slip so I wouldn't be able to inherit either? Did you know about that?" her eyes flickered to Senga before resting once more on Meg's conflicted face. 

She began to speak more softly. "You seem so nice Megan, surely you must have realised the effect the truth would have on Morgana. Did you know that Lucifer disowned her? How do you think that effected Morgana? Does Severus even care? He got what he wanted and he fought dirty to get it." 

Meg straightened and glared up at Odile. Her head told her exactly what Odile was up to and she would be damned before she'd let the woman win. But even so she couldn't help realising how Odile's words rang true. 

"Don't tell me you care because I won't believe it. You don't love her do you?" 

"You said I couldn't even spell it so I guess you must be right. I won't be back again. Morgana is all yours, for what it's worth." Odile refrained from adding that she hadn't finished with Meg yet though. She intended to attack Severus where she knew it would hurt him most. 

"You're right; you won't be coming here again," Meg spoke clearly. 

Odile was momentarily disconcerted that Meg had recovered so quick, but she consoled herself with the fact that she knew Meg was very good at hiding her inner emotions. For all her words, she knew that Meg was far from stupid and she knew that her words had struck home; she just had to wait and let Meg do the rest. 

Odile crossed to look once more down at Senga. She reached out her hand to touch the snow white hair and was surprised when her wrist was gripped strongly and forced back. She looked up to see Meg glaring at her. 

"Don't touch her," she hissed. 

Odile sneered and wrenched her wrist away from Meg. 

"You'll never be her mother," Odile said. "You see that's the weird thing about children. You can do so many things to them and they still love you, you can hurt them in so many ways, even so far as to make them bleed and they still try to win your affections. It's rather amusing to watch really." 

Meg's eyes narrowed. 

"It was you!" 

"What was me?" Odile asked coldly. 

"The Animorphus Spell." Meg watched with dawning horror as the sneering smile on her face said it all. 

Odile laughed but it was cold and cruel. 

"You bitch!" Meg didn't think, she just reacted; she lifted her hand and cracked Odile across the cheek, leaving a red hand print on her pale cheek. 

Odile looked momentarily stunned before reacting. She drew her wand and saw Meg's appear from her sleeve, pointed unerringly at Odile. 

"Don't even think about it," Meg hissed. "Get out of here, and don't ever come anywhere near me or my family again or you may find out that Severus isn't the only one who can fight dirty!" 

Odile laughed, one hand cupping her stinging cheek. 

"The worm turns," she exclaimed. "So be it." She turned and swept out of the room, her head high, and her stance regal.

Meg closed her eyes, fighting the wave of nausea and fear cramping her stomach. She'd been terrified. She knew how dangerous Odile could be and Meg wasn't in the least stupid enough to think that she could best her in a duel. Meg could fight verbally, but that was the only way she could fight. Well, that and a good old fashioned cat fight, but she wasn't a child any more and that type of fighting wouldn't cut it with someone like Odile. 

She crossed to slump in the chair next to Senga, her hand reaching out for Senga's. She felt a rush of relief go through her as Senga tightened her grip and opened her eyes.

* * *

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin arrived at the same time as Neville Longbottom.

Sirius smirked at Neville, opened his mouth to make some smart comment and received a dig in his stomach from Remus' elbow.

His smirk changed to a scowl, as Remus opened the door and poked his head in.

"Hey Meg!" His smile faded as he saw the track marks of recent tears down Meg's cheeks as she looked up at him.

"Remus." She watched as Sirius came in with Neville behind him.

Neville was looking remarkably uncomfortable, as he hovered at the end of Senga's bed.

Remus instantly saw a way of getting Meg out of there and finding out what caused the tears.

"Come on, Meg, its dinner-time. Neville here will hold the fort while we take you to lunch and then we'll come back here so you can go and see that baby of yours."

"Who Snape?" smirked Sirius. "Does he still need help feeding then?"

"Sirius!" Remus shot him a reproachful glare. "He's not even here to reply to that one."

"I can't help it." Sirius smiled disarmingly. "Snape bashing seems to be second nature."

Meg stood up sighing heavily, and let Neville take her place taking hold of Senga's hand.

"Hey, Senga. It's me Neville." He sat down and clammed up, uneasy about talking to Senga while they were stood there.

Meg stretched and patting Neville's shoulder followed Sirius and Remus out of the door.

She walked down the corridors that would lead them to the hospital canteen, flanked on either side by the two wizards.

"How's she doing?" asked Remus softly

"Better." Meg smiled at him. "She's responding to us now, holding hands, her eyes opening." 

Sirius opened the door for her and she went through, crossing to an empty table.

Remus waited till they had all given an order to the bobbing house-elf and then he looked directly at her.

"Why have you been crying? It's not bad news about Senga, is it?"

Meg blinked at him and her mouth fell open slightly.

"And you say I'm tactless," Sirius grumbled and accepted the pot of tea a house-elf brought up to them.

Meg sagged slightly and ran a hand over her eyes. She would never repeat to them what Odile had said, or the effect her words were having on her.

"I'm just tired and it got a bit much this morning. I feel…" She floundered for the right words. "I feel torn… one half of me says I should be here with Senga and the other half of me says I should be with Clarity."

"Clarity is being well looked after though," Remus pointed out. "Severus is with her now, isn't he?" He glared at Sirius snort and continued, "And Jack and Hillary have moved in for the duration, there really is nothing to worry about there. Senga needs you more at the moment. She needs help to climb out of whatever pit her mind has taken her."

Meg nodded at his words.

"My head says you're right…" She closed her eyes as the house-elf brought their food and then left again.

The doors opened and several medi-wizards and witches came in, all laughing together as they noisily made their way to a table.

She looked up at them as she sipped the tea Sirius poured for her.

"Odile came by," she said quietly as she looked back down at her plate.

Sirius frowned and Remus looked worried as her words sank in.

"What did she want?" asked Remus carefully.

"I'm not certain. But I get the impression she just wanted to check and see for herself that Senga really had stripped her magic."

"Heartless bitch!" Sirius stormed. "She always was a cold bitch though, even before she hooked up with Lucifer Malfoy. A true Snape through and through that one!" 

"That's not helping!" Remus glared at his friend and Sirius looked suitably chastened,

"Sorry. I sometimes forget you're married to him," he apologised. "You just don't fit like a Snape to me, too friendly, too nice and too honest!" He smiled at her and wondered what he'd said this time when she looked away from him, trying to hide the sudden spurt of tears in her eyes.

"We'll stay with Senga this afternoon, but what else can we do?" Remus asked quietly.

"No more than you already are!" She smiled at them both and it was genuine now. "You've done so much; it's good to know you're there." 

Sirius, feeling like a cad, slid around in his chair and put his arm around Meg's shoulder. He drew her in tight and kissed the top of her hair. She slumped against him, relishing the feeling of comfort he gave her. 

"We're always be here, won't we Remus?" Sirius looked up at Remus and frowned when he saw Remus was looking over their heads, a worried frown on his face. 

"You might wish to unhand my wife, Black," came a very cold voice from behind Sirius and Meg. "Before I remove your arm from your body!" 

Meg heard the angry tone in Snape's voice and something snapped inside her. She moved slowly away from Sirius and stood up to face Snape. 

"He was doing nothing." Meg spoke clearly, her face calm but her eyes stormy. Snape spotted it immediately and bristled, taking it all the wrong way.

"So I saw," he replied quietly.

"Good." Meg looked down at the plate of food that house-elf had brought, she wasn't hungry anyway. 

"Then you won't mind apologising to Sirius for being an ass," she said and heard Remus almost choke on his coffee. But she really couldn't care. Odile's words were coming back to haunt her and with them, some very hot anger against him.

"I beg your pardon," Snape hissed his voice filled with cold fury.

"You heard," she whispered and turned to Remus and Sirius, deciding to play with a little fire herself. She leant down and kissed Remus on the cheek and then Sirius, earning a furious choking sound from Snape, a very worried glance from Remus, and a huge smirk from Sirius, which was aimed at the silently fuming Snape.

"Thank you for what you're doing," she said quietly, refusing to look at Snape.

"Once you've finished throwing yourself at Black and Lupin, perhaps we can go home," Snape hissed his voice hard and cold.

"Oh I wasn't throwing myself at them." Meg looked up at him and visibly winced at the look of barely restrained fury etched onto his face. 

Snape's snarled and his teeth showed quite clearly as he looked down at Sirius.

Remus could sense blood being drawn if this was allowed to continue, so he jumped to his feet and stepped between Snape and Sirius.

"I think you should go home, Meg. You've had a tough morning; I certainly wouldn't like to battle Odile by myself."

The change in Snape was immediate. His anger with Meg dissolved instantly as he looked at her.

"Odile was here?" he asked quietly, concern replacing the anger in his eyes.

"Yeah. You missed her by about an hour." Meg didn't want to do this here and closed her eyes, her hand going to rub her forehead "I want to go home, Severus."

Snape took her elbow and without a backward glance at Remus or Sirius he steered her through the canteen and out of the hospital to Apparate back to their house.

Sirius watched them walk out and snorted in delight.

"I would give a thousand galleons to see his face again; when Meg told him he was an ass…"

Remus shook his head as he sat back down and set to clearing his plate, intent on getting to Meg's share before Sirius could.

* * *

"What did she want?" Snape waited till Meg had spoken to Jack and Hillary, checked in to see Clarity before he steered her into their bedroom and closed the door.

"Odile?" Meg crossed to the window and sat down on the window seat to stare out over the street.

"She didn't really say. I had to go to the bathroom and when I came back she was there; just looking at Senga. I think she just wanted to see if Senga had lost all of her magic or not."

"What did she say?" Snape folded his arms and leant back against the closed bedroom door; his black eyes watching her closely.

"I can't really remember all of it." Meg hedged and turned to look at him. "But I remember her saying something that I don't really think is possible."

"What?" he frowned, wondering what chaos his sister had caused now. If he had being feeling bad about selling her up the river to the Ministry, which he was not, he wouldn't now.

"That you would do something as stupid as join the Malfoy's in forging her signature on some adoption papers," Meg said quietly and knew instantly he had done just that by the look on his face. She screwed her face up at the barely concealed look of remembered triumph on his face.

"I only saw her name on the papers, I have no idea how it got there. I didn't see it being signed," he stated truthfully, his voice arrogant and smug.

"Oh, Severus!" she sneered. "Don't kid me, you know damn well they, or someone else forged her name."

"So what?" he hissed suddenly and launched himself away from the door to stand in front of her.

"So what?" she demanded, jumping to her feet to gain some height, although he still towered over her. "So bloody what? You may as well have made a pact with Voldemort than with them," she said heatedly.

Snape knowing where she was headed temper wise, drew his wand out and cast a silencing charm on the room. He didn't want their words being over heard and he was damn sure if she shouted at him, he'd shout right back.

"Don't be so melodramatic," he sneered and her temper broke.

"Oh, that's your answer to everything isn't it?" she shouted. "You do something highly illegal, dangerous and not to mention idiotic and you tell me I'm being melodramatic."

"I know exactly what the Malfoy's are like. I can handle them if they try and cause trouble." He sounded arrogant but it was the truth. "And I don't like being called idiotic, Megan!"

Meg rolled her eyes and stamped way from him to pace the floor. He stood watching her, his arms still folded his face dark and angry. 

"She's a bitch!" she hissed as she paced. "An absolute bitch!" 

"I know," came the icy reply. "Now tell me what she told you." 

"Only what you should have told me," she snapped back and stopped to glare at him "Were you ever going to tell me?" 

"Of course I was going to tell you," he spoke as if she was simple and it ignited her temper again. 

"Don't talk to me like that," she cried out. "You keep so much to yourself! How the hell do you think it felt, finding out from her?" she yelled. "And she knew you hadn't told me! She knew you hadn't told me anything at all." Meg threw her hands in the air; hot angry tears filled her eyes. "What ever possessed you to go to them, of all people?"

"I wasn't about to let Odile take Senga away, or to let anything happen to Clarity." He ground out between clenched teeth. 

"You could have gone to the ministry," she cried out.

He snorted and advanced on her.

"The ministry works too slow. I wasn't about to risk loosing either of them because of red tape!" He stopped inches from her.

"But surely you must know that she'd fight it. Tell the ministry it's not her signature. I believe forgery is still a crime," she drawled sarcastically at him.

Snape sneered down at her, fury still etched on his face.

"No one would believe Odile Malfoy over her brother Lucifer, or Lucius for that matter. Lucius and Lucifer have the ministry tied up very tightly between them. They know all the right people, or should I say they know all the right things about the right people."

Meg sneered in disgust. 

"It's horrendous that they're allowed to get away with it." 

"They don't do too much damage. They're not stupid enough to think they can suddenly start pushing for Anti-Muggle laws. Lucius got burnt in the last fall out from Voldemort. He doesn't try anything too rash; he only interferes if it's going to directly affect his money," Snape replied dryly.

"But even so, that doesn't make what you did right, Severus. You still broke the law between the three of you. Hell, you didn't just break it, you damn well crushed it!"

"And I'd do it again," he shot out sharply.

Meg looked at him; his black eyes cold and bottomless, the only emotion showing was anger.

"I will do what I think best to protect you all and I will not have you stand there and judge me for it, Megan," his voice was low and deadly.

"And what happens when the Malfoy's come to collect on that little favour they've done us?" she hissed at him.

"They won't," he snapped back. "The "little favour" as you put it works both ways."

"And that will stop them using it against you?" she demanded in disbelief.

"They wouldn't dare," he insisted. "And they know it. They wouldn't get the chance."

Meg shivered at the icy depth of his voice.

"_He will never change, no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise… Hurts doesn't it? To discover that the Severus who was in the Dark Lords inner circle has never really gone away."_

Odile's words echoed in her mind and Meg closed her eyes as they repeated themselves over and over in her head.

Snape watched the internal struggle on her face, already suspecting what she was thinking.

"Why don't we discuss the real issue here, Megan. Or at least one of the several issues that seem to be floating around." His voice dripped icy sarcasm.

"What?" Dhe glared at him.

"I'm getting two things thrown at me here," he snapped. "What exactly are you annoyed about; the fact that I went to Malfoy, or the fact that I hadn't told you?"

"Both funnily enough!" Meg snapped back. "That and the way you've dealt with it…" She drew in a deep breath before slowing letting it out.

"She told me you'd never really changed." She finally spoke quietly. "That the Death Eater was still in there."

Snape's lips curled in a parody of a smile, his hands tightly gripping his elbow inside his sleeves. 

"And you believe her, don't you?" he whispered and walked to the door, his head high and his back rigged.

"I don't know what to believe." Meg spoke quietly, but it was enough to stop him before he could open the door. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, his hair obscuring most of his face.

"Do you still have so little trust in me?" he asked quietly. 

"When you first told me what you'd done about Odile not inheriting; it really worried me." Her words were soft in the otherwise silent room.

Meg watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose, guilt washing over him.

"You were concerned for Senga and you were correct. She hurt more than I thought…"

"No, that's not what I mean. Do you remember telling me in the corridor on the way to the staff meeting?" she asked him slowly and watched as he turned to face her completely, his arms folding across his chest again. 

"I remember," he said quietly. It had only been brought up once by either of them since, but he remembered pushing her against the wall, holding her there; but he also remembered what she'd told him in their rooms that night.

"You were frightened that Odile would have the power over me to turn me back to what I was. You didn't really believe me when I said it wouldn't happen, but you said you'd back me come what may."

"Severus. You keep things from me; you don't tell me what's going on until after. You asked me to trust you and I want to, but how can I when you won't let me? You say you want to protect me but you're not. I don't know where you draw the line anymore."

"When it comes down to protecting what's mine, there is no line. I told you once before, but I don't think it really sank in, I will do anything, and I mean anything to protect this family," he stated firmly.

"There has to be a line, Severus. No one is above the law, not even you," she said desperately. "And that's what scares me, the fact that you didn't even bother trying to use the law, you just went straight ahead and played dirty and it doesn't even prick your conscience."

He narrowed his eyes and turned away from her to cross back to the door.

"I have no conscience. I thought you'd have worked that out by now," he said quietly, looking back at her before he opened the door. "And why should I when you already believe everything she said."

"Give me a reason not too," she whispered, not recognising the man in front of her.

"I just have. But I shouldn't need to," he replied and went out closing the door gently behind him.

A/N: Whew! I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but I really had a problem in writing this chapter, everything else seemed to take precedent. 

I still haven't got out in this chapter, everything I wanted to, but it was getting so huge that I thought I'd better stop.

Hopefully, the next chapter won't take me so long.

Camille has been away so she hasn't beta-read this for me, so I expect it's full of endless mistakes. I'm very sorry. I have tried to weed them out, but you can never see your own mistakes until it's uploaded!

Thank you for keeping with me. I just hope everyone enjoys this.

A quick note on Lucifer and Lucius, I can't decide on whether they should exact revenge on Odile or whether the ministry gets to her before they can. Which would you rather read? I'm leaning towards the Malfoy's getting to her first and it would be much more fun to write… but I'd appreciate hearing your views. Originally they were going to get to Odile and the ministry had nothing to do with it, but then Benjy and Steve just kinda appeared from nowhere and I liked them to much to not use them. ;-) either way it swings, they'll be back again. I like the two side to their characters.

Anyway, enough blabbering:

Chiyoko: Thank you. I hope you continue to like it.

Psycokitty: I've kept up! I just hope you like it!

Ducki: Sorry you're still getting migraines, life's hard! Well, I hope you got your book okay and you're enjoying it! I know I am! Thanks for reviewing!

Milee: Thanks.

Kitten: Thank you for recommending me. I feel all warm now! As for Lucifers plan for her, I do have plenty in mind, but I didn't get time this chapter.

White raven: Thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Elvenscorceress: I hope I haven't upset you! Please don't desert me just because she doesn't love her.

Calvin: Hey! Good to see your name here! Thank you for sticking with this story. I just hope you continue to like this.

Elaine Lahey: Funnily enough, my husband's aunt's hair went white when she was pregnant with her first child. Weird what the body does under pressure isn't it? As for how long this will go… I don't want it to end either… and Coronation Street is still going strong! ;-) 

Mione: No you weren't wrong, Odile is a heartless bitch, at one point I was playing with the idea of Senga's spell casting as making a way of Odile realising what she'd lost (as in her daughter, not just her magic) but I think she's too far gone and it wouldn't marry up with the way she's treated Senga over the years. I hope you like this chapter though.

Lisa Parry: You are right about the spell, but my tongue is firmly in my cheek. I admit I had trouble originally trying to justify this, but I made it an unforgivable, one that was on a level with the Killing spell. It was an idea that originally I had Dean Rider performing on Megan, but it didn't work out the way I wanted it too and it would render her useless so I changed it and felt it fitted Senga more. I hope you can forgive me! 

Moldanubikum: Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy this one and I'm sorry the Malfoy plans are being dragged out! I waffle far too much!

Hdm5680: Hides in shame! Sorry it's been another long time. I will try harder not to go so long next time!

Alexgray: I hope this chapter answered some of your questions. I bet your friend is stunning! (especially now I've watched (and drooled over!) the Twins in the matrix!).

Frini: Thanks Frini! You're always there just when I need you. Which means more than you'll ever know!

Bluefrost: Writer's block! Tell me about it. I just seem to clam up for a while.. I couldn't even begin to write… but hopefully that's the last of it! (Having said that, my creative (?) ideas were sidetracked there for awhile… I got tied up with the Elves from Rivendell for awhile! (Not literally! Mores the pity!) Thanks for sticking with me!

Chary: Thanks! Senga won't be able to completely remove herself from the wizarding world as it's up to Snape and Meg now to bring her up and no, I don't think she has thought beyond the moment. I hope you like this chapter though. Er… not to pick at you or anything, but I'm down on bended knees here, begging…. Please update!

Thanks to everyone who reads this, whether you review or not. Although I have to admit that reviews is the nectar of the gods, I just hope people continue to read this reviewing or not! And that's not a hint…. Just the truth.

Have a great day wherever you are and whatever you're doing!


	49. Freak

Updated: March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer: I own nothing except a rabid imagination. Many thanks to Camille who has betaed this chapter for me. Any remaining mistakes are all my own creation.

A/N: Just a quick note to firstly: apologise for how long it has taken me to write this chapter. Real life has burst in on me in full technicolour and proceeded to make things very difficult lately.

Secondly: This may seem a little boring but it has to be here, it kinda bridges events so I'll apologise ahead of time for the fact that nothing really exciting happens here. I'm getting to it, I promise.

Thirdly: I will try to get the next chapter up sooner.

* * *

Odile Malfoy was furious.

How dare the man she had stood beside for all those years cast her aside now?

She wasn't concerned about loosing Lucifer. How could she when she had never loved him in the beginning? No, it wasn't the fact he was divorcing her that infuriated her, it was what she stood to loose.

Respectability was everything, and she had lost it all. She was no longer in control of her own Coven. After reading the morning addition of The Daily Prophet, they had lost no time in owling her to say that "due to her present circumstances, she was needed elsewhere, and they would all understand her standing down." In all pretences, it had been done so she could spend time with Morgana, who needed her now, and for her to recover from Lucifer's "most unfortunate timing." But she knew them better than that. Back-stabbing, conniving heartless, evil bitches! It was the reason she had chosen half of them. They were evil and not without standing in society, a society that she had just been thrown out of without a backwards glance. 

She had been turned on, in much the same way she'd turned on anyone who'd crossed her over the years. But now she knew what it felt like, and it annoyed her immensely that she could see no way to salvage the situation gracefully.

Lucifer had outwitted and out manoeuvred her, and she'd be damned if she'd let him get away with it.

And now, judging by the owl she'd just received from the ministry asking for her to come forthwith and "attend an interview concerning the unfortunate state of Morgana Snape," her brother had stabbed her in the back too.

She knew that he'd informed the ministry that Morgana had found that particular spell in her Book. And she wasn't fool enough to think he'd hide the fact that she gave that book to Morgana.

A frustrated howl of rage left her throat as she paced back and forth in the room she'd rented in Knockturn Alley.

It was far below her standards, and it rankled she'd been reduced to hiding here. But, until she could find a way to think through this mess, she'd have to stay out of the Ministry's sight and also Lucifer's.

She had no doubt that he had only just started with her. And she could also see a little of Lucius' strategy behind the newspaper article as well. She was well used to the games they liked to play, and she wasn't without a little knowledge of how her husband, ex-husband, worked.

If they were going to bring her down, she'd make damn sure she took them with her, them and that lousy excuse for a brother and his precious wife.

She lifted her head an evil glint tinted her eye.

She knew she couldn't move about openly. The ministry would be watching her… unless… she narrowed her eyes as a plan began to take shape in her mind. It wouldn't be fool-proof, but it might just cover her enough to keep her out of Azkaban. And, if she could do some damage to her ex-husband and brother in the meantime, who was she to grumble?

* * *

Odile Malfoy was stunning, there was no use denying it. Benjy wondered how on earth she could be so beautiful when her brother was so… he shrugged, that wasn't getting things worked out.

"So, you're saying that you had no knowledge of how Morgana actually got hold of your book?"

"Well…" Odile looked pained and lowered her head slightly, grief shining in her eyes.

"Well… I may be able to shed some light on it." She blinked and crossed her legs demurely, not a single inch of flesh was showing. She knew she couldn't convince these men by playing to their desires. If they had been weak in that way, Lucifer would already have them under his thumb. No, that kind of ploy wouldn't work. Odile had to persuade them that she was a caring mother, with children that were just like children all the world over and enjoyed annoying each other.

"Go ahead…" Steven was at a loss as to what to call her: 'Mrs Malfoy' was no longer legally correct, but she may choose to keep that name.

"Odile, please call me Odile," she said quietly, none of the usual malice or evil showing in her eyes.

Benjy inclined his head to show acceptance and then he sat back and waited.

"My son is gifted with a high sense of humour." She looked slightly perplexed for a moment. "I can't think were he gets it from." She sighed, shaking her head slightly as if to bring her mind back on what she was saying.

Benjy repressed a snort, he couldn't think either, but then following this lady's track record, perhaps his father wasn't a Malfoy either.

"He loves to play tricks on his sister..." Odile let just the right amount time pass on the word, showing grief clearly in her eyes. "I had originally bought her a book for her to write her diary in. When I heard that Morgana had been given my Book of Shadows, I didn't believe it, until I spoke with Damien. He swapped the books around and sent her my Book of Shadows instead. Extremely reprehensible, and I will be informing his father, who will be dealing with it."

Benjy stared at her. Did she really expect him to believe that?

"You can check for yourself. Damien has already admitted it all to me." Odile negated to inform them that she had used a powerful memory charm on her son.

A tiny twinge of guilt assuaged her, but she brushed it aside. He would understand of course. He loved her and therefore he would do anything for her. The memory charm had just been a precautionary action on her part, in case he got confused later, if they tried to talk to him. She refused to remember how she hadn't even told him what she was going to do or how he'd looked fearful when she'd raised her wand at him.

Benjy sighed, and so started the game of cat and mouse. 

He was under no impression that she was telling the truth. He doubted the boy had even looked at the book, let alone sent it to his sister. But it would have to be looked in to. Damien would have to be questioned as well.

He just wished he could talk to the girl, Morgana. She could clear up so much of this. However it wouldn't clear Odile of one crime.

"You do realise that it is an offence under Section C19 of the Restricted Information Order to have in your possession any book that has Unforgivable Curses written down in indelible ink not to be registered here at the Ministry?"

"I do. Which is why it is registered," she replied coolly.

Steven looked at Benjy in surprise.

"Are you sure of that, Mrs Malfoy?" Steven spoke up. "We could find no registering of such a book."

"It comes under Snape Manor's Restricted Library," she said smoothly. "It was a book handed down to me, and as such, it is registered there."

Benjy closed his eyes briefly. They had slipped up, and it was going to get her off this time.

Steve's jaw clenched; he did not like this woman beating them on a technicality.

"Even so, the book should not have been removed from Snape Manor to your home." His voice was cool and formal.

"I didn't know it had been. We visited the manor early on last year." She shrugged slim shoulders, remembering with bitterness how she had taken Damien and Lucifer to Snape manor, still under the impression that she would inherit.

"Damien assures me he found it then and took it back with him."

Benjy was stymied again; he doubted the boy could get the book open as even they had quite a job to open it. But that wasn't something they could prove as both the Malfoy children were intelligent and skilled in their magic. Or at least one of them was now.

Steve recognised they were at a dead end and looked up at Odile with a carefully blank smile.

"Thank you for your time. I trust we can call on you again if needed."

"Of course." Odile rose and left the office quickly.

She only had a set time left to complete what she needed to do before they discovered the holes in her story. They were intelligent, she had realised that the moment she had seen them sat there, side by side. And it wouldn't take them long to realise she had been lying, if they didn't already know, which she suspected they did. They just couldn't prove it yet.

Benjy looked at Steven. "Lying."

"And we let her go," Steven groaned and sorted through the notes that his magically enhanced quill had written while they had interviewed her.

"We had no choice, but it won't take long to find the holes here. Did Snape say when Morgana received that book?"

"No," Steve replied.

"Then we have to ask him. If we can prove she's lying on that, the rest should slot into place."

"She's up to something isn't she?"

"She's a Snape who's lived with a Malfoy for too long, of course she's up to something. And I'd place good money on it being Lucifer she's going to target."

"Should be interesting."

"Of course we can always hope that they'll wipe each other out in the fight that will ensue," Benjy laughed. "Save us the trouble."

"You've been watching far too many gangster movies, haven't you?"

"Who me?" Benjy just laughed. "As long as no one else gets caught in the cross fire, I don't care what those two do to each other."

"Agreed."

* * *

Senga was so thirsty; she was certain her mouth was made of wood.

She opened her eyes and saw Snape sat beside her. He was reading aloud from a potions paper, interrupting himself ever other line by ether disagreeing with what he read or agreeing with it. More often he disagreed.

Senga opened her mouth to ask for some water, but all that came out was a grunt that hurt her throat and made her jerk.

Snape dropped the potions paper and stared at her.

"Senga." He leaned forward and then sideways, watching as her eyes followed his movements.

Senga frowned, what on earth was he doing now? Had he gone mad, had she gone mad? That certainly seemed like the most logical conclusion; and where was she anyway?

Snape pushed the bell on the wall and, leaning forward again, gripped her hand.

"Senga, you're awake at last. Do you hurt anywhere? I've sent for the doctors." Snape was aware he was the closet he had ever come to babbling and he cursed himself, but he was so relieved to see her awake at last that all coherent thought seemed to have deserted him.

Senga tried again to ask for water, but nothing came out.

The door opened and a nurse came in, and it seemed as if the whole world went mad. Senga felt like a rag doll as she was pushed and pulled in all directions by another Medi-wizard that came in. She knew he was talking to her and Snape, but the words didn't really register much. All she wanted was water.

After what seemed like an eternity she finally managed to croak the word out and soon blessed, cool water was slowly given to her.

She sighed, cleared her throat and looked at Snape.

"Where am I?" Her voice was still a little raspy, but at least her words were understandable now.

"What's the last thing you remember?" asked the Medi-wizard, before Snape could even open his mouth.

Senga racked her brains to think and in one instant everything came flooding back to her. Working the spell, feeling as if she'd died and then waking to find herself in that dark place. Shivers racked through her as she thought of the terror that had occupied her. A strangled cry left her lips as she felt once more the darkness creep into her soul again, threatening to suck her down, take her under again.

Snape pushed the doctor out of his way and stood leaning over Senga. He placed one hand on her cheek and caught her other hand in his.

"Senga, you're safe now." He kept his head moving so his eyes stayed in contact with hers as she looked about her in terror.

Her eyes locked with his, and he felt her relax under his touch. He moved slightly and, sliding his arm under her back, he moved her until he could sit on the bed. He drew her into his arms and held her close to him.

"I am here, Senga, and I am not leaving. You are safe with me."

She clutched at his jacket as hot tears rolled down her face. She felt as if one half of her was missing and she was incomplete. She would never be complete again, and it filled her with a sorrow and a terror that made her want to cry in agony.

Snape looked at the doctor over his head.

"I would like to run some more tests…"

"No." Snape's voice was deadly soft, leaving the Medi-Wizard in no doubt what would happen if he tried to go against him.

"I will leave you for awhile…" he backed up, knowing there wasn't anything he had to do that couldn't wait.

"Please inform my wife of this," Snape spoke to him as he left the room.

Senga clawed at his jacket and he tightened his grip on her.

"I'm lost!" she cried into his neck. "I can't see…"

Snape closed his eyes, a tear leaking from the corner of his eyes.

* * *

Megan stood beside Senga's bed. She was so happy and so relieved at seeing Senga out of the coma that she actually felt slightly light-headed. She knew that there was a long road ahead of them recovery wise. But Senga had made the first step, and she'd done it on her own, now they would help her the rest of the way, help her adjust to the life she would lead now.

Senga was sleeping peacefully. Snape had informed her of how she had remembered exactly what happened to her and the effect it had upon her. It had totally exhausted her, crying in Snape's arms until she had fallen asleep.

Snape moved slightly, and Meg looked up at him.

"We can take her home tomorrow," he said quietly.

Meg nodded, her eyes slipping from his to look back at Senga.

"We need to talk," Meg said softly.

"I thought we'd said all there was to say," he replied quietly, his voice showing his displeasure.

Meg sighed and closed her eyes briefly.

"Yes, of course." She nodded and stood back from the bed. "I'll go and sort things out at home." She turned and left the room.

Snape glared at the door before his shoulders slumped and he sank into the chair by the bed, his eyes unseeing as he looked at the empty chair opposite.

* * *

Meg looked up at Jack and blinked.

"What?" She was confused now.

"Hasn't Snape told you yet?" he asked her as he held open the door for her.

"Told me what?"

"Oh." Jack shrugged. "Ministry Mugs were here, wanting to know about Senga. Snape told them about the book his sister gave her and they left. But they came back earlier wanting to see him. They asked if I knew when Senga got that book, but I don't know." He grinned slightly. "I don't think they believed me; I was a bit abrupt last time."

Meg stared at him in disbelief.

"What else goes on here that I don't know about?" she asked sharply, letting the door close behind her.

"Huh?" Jack looked at her curiously.

"Nothing," she groused. "So, Severus told them Odile gave Senga the book." She mused it over in her mind. They would want to speak to Odile very badly after hearing that. Was that why they'd come back asking about when she gave Morgana the book? Meg didn't think for one moment that Odile would accept that lying down. She'd lie and wheedle her way out of it.

"Where have they gone now?" she asked, going across to where Clarity was chewing happily on a thick board book. She knelt beside her and, after giving her a huge kiss, she lifted her and held her above her head making Clarity laugh,

"Back to the ministry I suppose, they said that they'd come back later."

Meg nodded, still playing with Clarity.

"Meg… what's happening?" Jack spoke quietly. "I know things aren't right with you and Snape."

"You just had a taste of it," Meg said, still smiling. "He doesn't tell me what he's doing, and I find out second hand from everyone else. I don't like being kept in the dark."

"Now you know how it feels," he remarked wryly.

"What do you mean?" Meg looked at him carefully as she set Clarity on her hip and disentangled her hair from her tiny fists.

"Well, not that long ago you kept him firmly in the dark over something and almost died because of it."

"You think he's doing this to pay me back? Make me see how he felt?" Meg couldn't believe he would do that.

"Well, no even I don't think he's that evil. Well, yes he probably is, but not with you. No, all I'm saying is that you had your reasons for keeping things from him then, idiotic as they were, and he probably has his reasons for keeping things from you now."

"I just want to know ahead of time before he sends us all to the slaughter," she sneered. 

"What are you on about?"

Meg sighed, closing her eyes. She took Clarity into the kitchen and settled her into her highchair and gave her a rattle to play with. Clarity dropped it and began to cry.

Meg sighed again and began to get her some food.

"C'mon, Meg. What's he done?" Jack came in, watching her carefully.

Meg began to cut up slices of banana and, as she gave them to Clarity, she told Jack what had happened with Senga's being adopted by them.

"Bloody hell." Jack leaned back against the kitchen table and crossed his arms. "Holy… He's serious about looking after her, isn't he?"

Meg looked at his smiling face with incredulity, while he continued speaking.

"I mean he's a hard person to read sometimes, well, damn near impossible really, but it was obvious how much he cares for Senga."

"No, you're not hearing me." Meg shook her head at him. "Odile didn't sign the documents herself, and I had to hear it from her not him! Besides don't you think that doing something this illegal and, might I add, dangerous, is wrong?"

"No, I don't," he said firmly. "I think he did the only thing he thought to be right at the time."

"What… but… can you imagine the mess that would have entailed if Odile had tried to fight the adoption, and if Senga still had her powers, nothing would stop Odile…"

"That's not the point!" Jack shook his head, crossing to get a damp cloth for Meg when he saw Clarity had finished her banana. "But that's not what bothers you anyway, is it Meg? That's an excuse for you." He looked at her closely, holding out the cloth.

"What… what are you on about?" Meg took it and tried to wipe Clarity's mouth, who promptly wriggled and began to grizzle.

"You think that he's like he was when he was a Death Eater. You think that by doing this deal with the Malfoys, he is bad as they are, or worse." Jack spoke the words firmly, watching her jerk in response to his words.

"Well, can I just say I'm glad I'm not married to you." he said it quietly. "Snape scared the life out of me when I first met him; I wasn't his number one fan, I'm still not, but neither am I blind, and I don't live with him."

Meg shut her eyes against his harsh words and opened them instantly when she felt the wet cloth ripped form her hand. Clarity began to wipe the tray happily.

"Though perhaps that's your problem," he spoke again, but his words were softer. "Has he ever given you any inclination that he's the heartless bastard he was? And I'm not talking about snide remarks, nasty sneers and general moodiness. I mean, torturing the life out of someone?"

"Of course not," she said quickly. "And I'm not saying he'll get like that again."

"Then what are you worried about?" Jack demanded and then sighed heavily. "Look Meg, it seems to me you have to make a choice here, you can either go with the flow and trust Snape to do his best, or you can back off now and throw away everything you've worked so damn hard to get for something that's not even real."

"It's not like that."

"Yes it is," he said and, moving swiftly, he crossed to kneel in front of her, just avoiding getting wiped by Clarity.

"Meg, you know I love you, and it's because I love you that I say this; you have many great qualities but you have some huge failings as well."

"Thanks!" She blinked at him as he caught her hands in his.

"No, I mean it, Meg. You are great, but sometimes you're too 'holier than thou' for your own good."

"What do you mean?" she whispered, staring at him.

"People make mistakes, Meg, great big messy ones sometimes, and Snape is no different. He's human and I think you forget that sometimes. You put him on a pedestal, and the moment the poor man stumbles slightly, you pounce on him."

"I do not!" she said crossly.

"You do," he insisted. "What did you expect from him when his sister threatens everything he's got? Hell, I know what I'd do!" He sat back on his heels and let go of her hands.

Meg struggled with his words, half of her realised what he was saying, but half of her still had issues.

"But he knew damn well her signature was forged," she snapped at Jack. "And he didn't even tell me," she added hotly.

"Once again you're riding that damn horse of yours too high, missy!"

"I am not!" She cried at him. "How dare you!"

He stood up in one fluid movement and pointed his finger at her, leaning forward slightly his face flushed with annoyance now.

"Get over it, Megan," he said hotly. "With everything that's happened lately, I'm surprised he's even had time to draw breath, let alone give you the run down on every decision he makes!"

"Jack! This isn't about him deciding what colour shirt to wear! This is about him getting mixed up with the Malfoys again."

"That's completely unavoidable given who his sister is married to and who Senga's father is," he shot back. "But you've lost yourself here, or at least you've lost the real reason you're so'holier than thou' at the moment." 

"Oh and what would that be then, oh wise one!" she said sarcastically.

"You spout one thing, but you think and do another." He shrugged his shoulders. "I actually feel sorry for the poor bloke!"

"And why's that?" she sneered at him.

"I've realised something you've yet to stumble on."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"A person can change," he ground out. "Give him a break for goodness sake! He bent the law slightly; heavens, I've done that a few times, and I'm not one step away from wearing a mask and cloak, am I?"

"Bent it?" Meg choked out. "Bent it? Are you out of your mind? Forgery isn't bending it, it's smashing it!" Clarity let out a loud wail as she looked up at them fighting. Meg sighed and, turning to her, soothed her quietly.

"Okay, okay, so bending wasn't a good word," Jack allowed and patted Clarity's head, much like you would a dog.

"Tell me what you would do, Megan; Clarity is in danger, immediate, life threatening danger, or so you believe. You have two choices, one, go to the Ministry and hope that when you come back it won't be too late, or two, defend her yourself. What would you do?"

"That's not fair!" She shot out.

"It's perfectly fair, Megan!" He shot back. "Now answer it!" he demanded hotly.

"I'd defend her," Meg said it quietly, turning her face away from his.

"How?" 

"How?" he repeated himself.

"Alright, alright I get your point," she said quietly and closed her eyes briefly. "I'd do whatever it took to keep her safe."

"Now tell me how that is different from what Snape did."

"I'd tell him about it and not let him find it out from you," she said firmly.

Jack shrugged as he accepted her statement.

"Okay, so you do need to sort this out between you both, but don't hang the man for being human," he said quietly. "You're confusing two issues here, two very different issues: one, that he isn't telling you what's going on, and two, that you don't like the methods he chose to deal with things."

"I'm not confusing them."

"Then let go of the issue about how he went about it. You've just admitted that you'd do anything to keep her safe, now allow him the same courtesy."

Meg looked anguished as she watched him walk to the door. He turned as he went out and looked back at her.

"It's up to you, Meg." He smiled at her, but Meg got the distinct feeling he was disappointed in her.

* * *

Lucifer Malfoy stared at the younger man in disbelief.

"Tell me that again, young man, and leave nothing out or your tongue will be decorating my walls!"

The man in front of him gulped and began to wring his hands.

"She came and took him three days ago, sir," he stated, his voice stuttering. "She didn't pack anything, just said she was taking him out to show him something."

"And when did it cross your mind to inform me that she didn't return with him?"

"Mr Banks, he told me to come here this morning." The boy began to shake at the raw fury he saw in the older man.

"Banks eh?" Lucius spoke up from where he was sitting with his legs crossed, lazily turning his cane in his fingers. "You kept that incompetent butler?"

"Odile dealt with the staff, Lucifer, I never could be bothered." Lucifer cast cold eyes at his brother, who looked at him and shook his head, his lips pursed together as he tutted at him.

"Very lax brother, very lax."

Lucifer tensed and shot him a deathly glare before turning back to the boy who was starting to shake.

"Get back to Banks and inform him that… oh never mind that now." Lucifer changed his mind in mid-flight and flicked his wand with a muttered curse.

The boy's hands flew to his throat as he clawed at the invisible hands choking the life from him.

"Lucifer, how many times do I have to tell you, 'don't shoot the messenger.' He may come in handy later." Lucius shook his head and stood up. Lucifer let the spell drop from the boy, who dropped to his knees gasping in great lungfulls of air, his hands still pressed firmly around his bruised neck.

"Get out and tell Banks that he can expect a visit from me fairly soon."

The boy needed no further warnings and hurried from the room, terrified.

Lucius glided up to his brother and placed his arm around Lucifer gently.

"You need to relax brother. You are taking this far too personally."

Lucifer glared at Lucius as if he were mad.

"This is personal, Lucius, what else could it be?"

"A mere annoyance, a ripple in time; nothing more. If you continue to let your heart rule your head, you may get us both killed, and this is something I cannot allow." A muscle twitched at the side of his face as his pale eyes bored into his brother's.

"I will do no such thing," Lucifer stated, annoyed with him.

"I know you won't, because you have me to keep you from over-reacting."

"Lucius, she has my son!" Lucifer tore himself away from Lucius and turned to glare at him fully.

Lucius threw back his head and looked down his long straight nose at Lucifer, arrogance and pride mingled with authority in every line of his body and face.

"I am well aware of that, Lucifer. And that, brother dear, is exactly why you cannot afford to let your emotions think for you." Lucius narrowed his eyes and stepped closer to him. "Rely on me, Lucifer. Have I ever let you down?"

Lucifer looked at his brother and his own posture changed as he raised himself up slightly, head going back in much the same manner.

"No, you haven't," he stated.

"Then it is settled." Lucifer smiled at him. "Now then, as for Damien, it is unthinkable that she has him. I think we need to arrange for every source we have to start looking for them both; there are only so many places she can hide, and think of how enjoyable it will be to take him from her as well."

Lucifer began to grin; his teeth showed, making him look feral.

"Indeed, but I get first blood," he intoned, and the hatred seeped easily into his voice.

"Why of course!" Lucius looked slightly offended that Lucifer would think otherwise. He clapped his hands together. "Come brother, let us go hunting."

A/N: Okay so there it is. Please don't shoot me down too harshly.

I also have to apologise for not responding to everyone who has reviewed. I usually like to reply to everyone as I really, really appreciate the reviews you leave. But time is really against me and I didn't want to wait any longer before uploading this, otherwise it could be another month before it goes up.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and thank you to everyone who reads this, whether you review or not. I just hope that you all enjoy it.

Take care of yourselves wherever you are and have a great day.


	50. I am what I am

Updated: March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer

This hasn't been beta-read so I apologise before hand for the following many and varied spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. ;-)

* * *

Senga looked around her room sadly. The Quidditch posters were still on the wall, the players waving their hands and whizzing from side to side. Her Ravenclaw Scarf and tie still hung from the hook on the back of the door.

She looked up and drew the soft scarf down from the hook; she'd never wear it again. She'd never walk the halls of Hogwarts between classes. Never fly through the air on her broomstick. She dropped the scarf to the floor and turned away abruptly; tears pricking her eyes. The pain that clenched around her heart made her feel physically sick.

She crossed to her bed and sank down her head dropping forwards as she closed her eyes. She had known exactly what she was doing. Had known what the outcome would be.

She knew that if she succeeded her magic would be stripped from her. What she hadn't known was the feeling that would be left. She felt as if half of her was missing. As if half of her had been ripped clean away, leaving a raw wound that would never heal, never stop hurting. She hadn't realised that she would look like a freak. Her hands went to her white hair and she tugged it painfully, but not even that pain was enough to cover the pain inside her.

She clenched her fists at the growing pain in her chest. Both her uncle and the Medi-Wizards had explained to her that she might experience headaches, but they hadn't said anything about the lost feeling that seemed to swirl around inside her. As if she had lost something and had to search for it.

She jumped to her feet fighting the urge to cry out; still with clenched fists she looked around her room once again. The Quidditch posters stared down at her, mocking her, showing her what she'd never again have. But then she hadn't wanted it, had willing given it all up. How many times had she wished she had been born a squib or born to Muggles? She had hated her magic; and when she realised that her ability for magic had put Clarity in danger she had willing given it all up. So why did she feel this way now? Why did she feel as if it had been better if she'd died?

She rushed to the walls and began to tear the posters down ripping them to shreds and dropping them on the floor. Silent tears streamed down her face as she crossed to her desk and tore away the pile of parchments that held her homework. She picked up each text book and threw them at the wall; she shouted hex after hex as each book hit the wall and fell to the floor. Not even the slightest effect of magic working.

The door was flung open; Snape came in and stared at her as the last book fell from her fingers. She looked at him and screamed at him, rushing at him full tilt; all her emotions let loose and completely beyond her control.

She barrelled into him but he didn't even stepped backwards. Her fists came up and she tried to hit him, but he caught her wrists easily and held her tightly against him. He moved them forwards and kicked the door shut behind him.

Senga began to shake as once more she cried against him.

He didn't speak as he drew her to the bed and sat down pulling her onto his lap. He didn't whisper comforting words or meaningless phrases. He just held her until the storm passed and she sobbed quietly against him, her stiff body relaxing into him.

"Will I always feel like this?" she hic-cupped quietly.

He stared at the pile of books with dark unreadable eyes. Her head was tucked under his chin, her cheek rested on his chest.

"How do you feel?" he asked her, his voice deep and gently.

"As if half of me is missing; as if I have this hole inside me and I can't fill it and it threatens to fill me…." Her voice began to rise in panic again. He stroked the white hair back from her forehead, keeping his eyes trained on the pile of books.

"Ssh," he spoke softly. "I don't know what to tell you, Senga," he said finally.

"Why do I feel like this?" She sobbed. "I hated my magic for so long, hated how it made them look at me. I don't know what I am anymore. I don't know who I am."

Snape sighed deeply. He had no answers for her. He had nothing that would make her feel any better. He could tell her what she had done, tell her that by cleaving the magic from her soul she had effectively split herself in two and destroyed one half of her. He could tell her that she would never be the Senga she was. But what good would his words do? It would only serve to push her further into the darkness of misery.

Once again he felt utterly helpless and completely out of control.

A movement at the door brought his eyes up quickly. Meg stood there her eyes reflecting his own desolation.

"Senga," she spoke softly and crossed to kneel beside them. "I should have taken all this away from your room." She waved her hand airily over the mess. "But I didn't know how that would make you feel. I should have…" she kicked herself mentally. She had thought about clearing it all up, but she had been unsure how Senga would react to having everything stripped away; all her possessions taken away. But now she wished she had done just that.

Senga looked at her and her pale eyes showed nothing of the emotion that Meg knew was boiling under the surface.

"Would you like to re-decorate the room?" she asked her and was aware of Snape's sneer at the idea, but she didn't make eye contact with him.

Senga lifted her head and shrugged.

"We could do it whatever way you want it." Meg knew that just by offering to change the room it wouldn't really make things better. But it might help her to focus on something other than her internal pain and loss.

"I really don't think that's a good…" Senga cut off Snape by looking directly at him.

"Can I?" she asked him.

"Of course," he said instantly and nodded. "You choose what you want and we'll do it," he said quietly.

"Well, actually…" Meg began and they both looked at her. "I was thinking of going down to the local DIY shop and picking out what you want and then we can do it ourselves. It'll be a lot of hard work but it will be worth it in the end."

Snape looked at her as if she'd suddenly gone mad.

"Really?" asked Senga and then she slumped down defeated. "I can't," she whispered.

"Why not?" asked Snape carefully.

"I look like a freak," she whispered and scrubbed at her face with her hands "Everyone will stare at me."

"Well, actually I've been thinking about that. Look, come with me." Meg got to her feet and held her hand out to Senga. Senga looked at her strangely and stood up taking her hand. Meg lead her from the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

Jack was sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. He looked up when they came in and winked at Senga.

"Hi ya, kiddo," he said and went back to his paper, he had seen her face red from crying but he made no deal out of it and Meg was grateful.

"Hey, Jack," Senga replied and she sat down in the chair Meg pointed to. Meg could see Snape standing in the doorway puzzlement written all over his face.

Meg took a booklet from the side drawer and opening it laid it on the table for Senga to see.

"Which one do you think?"

Senga stared down at the pictures. There were four rows holding seven pictures of one woman, but in each picture her hair was a different colour. The word L'Oreal was emblazoned above the pictures of the happy women.

"You have a choice," Meg said and pushed Jack's feet off the other chair and sat down. He grunted, closed the paper and stood up.

He looked up at Snape and shrugged placing the paper on the table.

"I have to meet Hillary in a minute. I've moved most of our stuff out now and I've just finished up your last rice pudding but I know you don't mind." He grinned at Meg wickedly. "I won't be back here till next Monday," he added and crossed to stand looking over Senga's shoulder at the pictures.

"I'd go for the Plum Breeze," he said conversationally as he dropped a kiss on her head. "Of course any colour would look exceptional on such a good looking chap as myself."

He stood up and winked at Meg, hearing the tiny snort Senga gave.

He let the room and as he past Snape he rolled his eyes.

"Good luck," he said and swept down the hallway, grabbing his leather jacket from the hall stand and banging out the front door whistling cheerfully as he went.

Senga stared down at the pictures as Snape took the seat Jack had vacated.

"You can choose, Senga. You can keep the colour you are now or you can die it one of these colours."

Senga looked at the pictures, her eyes settling on the one that was closest to her original black.

"I could look just as I was," she said and pointed at the picture. "But my eyes…"

"Can be covered with contacts if you want." Meg said, she was aware of Snape scowling darkly at her but she ignored it.

"But you have to remember something, Senga," Meg said softly and reached out to grip her hand. "You can change your hair colour and make your eyes seem like they were. But you won't be going back to what you were. It won't change anything inside of you; it just might make it easier for you to cope."

"I want to do it," Senga said, her eyes still on the picture of the pretty woman smiling. 

"Okay then, we'll do it." Meg said suddenly. "I'll get changed and go and pick up the hair colour."

Senga stood up and left the kitchen without a look backwards. Snape waited till she had left the room and then turned to Meg.

"What do you think you will accomplish by doing this, Megan?" he demanded. "You can change what you will but she'll always be white haired underneath. How is she going to come to terms with what she'd done if she hides behind a mask?"

Meg sighed and looked at him rubbing a hand over her face.

"Senga is going to have to go to a Muggle school when she's ready to start her education again. How do you think they will react to her? Children can be extremely cruel and it won't help her to accept what has happened if she has to deal with forty children staring and jeering at her. Colouring her hair won't fool her into thinking she's back to norma… how she was…" She stopped as Clarity began to cry in the other room, she stood up and looked down at him. "I heard what she said, Severus. The pain inside her will remind her for the rest of her life what she has done. She won't need everyone else reminding her as well when they see her hair."

She moved to cross to the living room.

"Megan." She turned as he called her name. He was looking at her intently.

"She's going to be grumpy, Severus. She's just woken up." Meg shrugged and dropping her eyes from his left the room.

Snape scowled and slapped his hand down on the table. She had been right, he knew that, but it wasn't her words that had annoyed him. He had wanted to reach out to her, they had things that needed sorting out and he knew it. But there were so many things that seemed to come first. She was slowly slipping away from him. Not even at night could he talk to her. She was either fast asleep when he went to their room or she was in with Clarity and feeding her. He just needed some time when they could sit together, alone and work things through. But when would they get that.

Suddenly Meg appeared back round the doorway Clarity firmly in her arms.

"Oh by the way, the Ministry were back… again," she said and with every word he heard her disapproval loud and clear. She swept back out of the room. She was damning him again and he wasn't even sure why.

He snarled and sent the paper sliding across the table in a fit of anger.

* * *

Lucius beamed at the man at his feet. He loved it when people grovelled. It fairly made him glow. Oh how he missed the good old days when he used to do this sort of thing regularly and with no real risk of getting caught.

"I am sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Could you speak up a bit please?" he asked the man at his feet.

Lucifer was leaning against the door in front of them, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was absently flicking his wand as he stared lazily at the whimpering man at his brothers feet.

"I think he'll find that rather difficult actually, Lucius. Broken jaws are such a nuisance when it comes to speaking," he said casually and pointed his wand at the man and muttered a healing spell.

The man groaned in relief as the pain lifted from his face instantly.

"Spoil sport." Lucius grinned at his brother who merely smirked back.

"Now where were we? Ah yes. Where is Odile?"

"I told you sir, I have absolutely no idea. She left here not three days ago with your nephew in tow." The man was on all fours and trembling with fear. He had been butler to the family for more years than he cared to remember and he knew just how cruel Lucifer could be; but he knew that Lucius was by far the more dangerous of the two brothers.

"And why did it take you so long to inform us?" Lucifer asked him and the man swivelled on his knees slightly, rising to clasp his hands together in sign of submission.

"I did inform you, sir. I sent young Jones to you, as soon as she left with the young master."

"But he only saw us this morning." Lucifer said with an air of puzzlement. "How could that be Banks, when you say you sent him three days ago."

"I have no idea, sir," he replied and his face went even paler.

"Oh, curse it all brother, he doesn't know where she is," Lucifer said impatiently and raised his wand to the man.

"Go ahead, kill him and I'll have the body disposed off, he knows nothing," Lucius said and moved away with a dismissive gesture.

"NO! Wait stop!" Banks clasped his hands tighter together. "Please don't kill me. Alright I'll tell you. I heard her talking to the young master. She said she was going to take him to Knockturn Alley." His voice was high pitched and rushed as he spoke.

Lucifer smiled at him softly and came to stand beside him. He took the man's head gently in his hands and pulled him in close to him. The man gripped his legs pleadingly.

"Please don't kill me," he sobbed. "She made me swear not to let you know she had taken the boy, she said she'd kill me if I told you." He voice grew stronger as Lucifer began to stroke his sweaty hair. "But I had to tell you eventually. I knew you'd want to know. I should have told you straight away, I realise that now sir. I'll never let you down again."

"Shh, it's alright." Lucifer said and he stood back from the man. He raised his wand and the look of sheer horror on the man's face almost made him laugh.

"Avada Kedavra," he whispered, almost loving and the green light shot from his wand and hit the man full in his chest. His eyes went wide and he fell over backwards lifeless.

"You'll never let me down again, will you?" asked Lucifer quietly and took a handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped his hands off and dropped the handkerchief on top of the lifeless man.

Lucifer turned to where Lucius was placing his cloak back around his shoulders.

"We shouldn't leave any loose tongues, Lucius," he said firmly.

Lucius looked up and blinked at him.

"Of course not. I assumed that you'd want to see to Jones as well."

"What and keep all the fun to myself?" he grinned and crossed to him taking the cloak back off him. "I wouldn't be so unkind."

Lucius headed to the door with a spring in his step. He looked back at his brother and smiled.

"It's almost like old times isn't it?" he asked happily and went out.

Lucifer looked down at the dead man and shook his head. It was like old times, but at the same time it wasn't. Back then, they hadn't had to worry about disposing of bodies and leaving no trace of their presence. Then they had Snape covering their backs as well.

He moved towards the man intending on getting rid of the evidence.

Of course Snape had been a different man back then, or had he? He'd been more than willing to enter into a less than legit arrangement with them over Senga. Maybe there was hope for the old boy yet?

He filed his thoughts away in his mind, making a mental note to talk to Lucius about him. Perhaps together they could find a way of bringing him back into the fold. Who knows?

* * *

Odile stared at the contents of the vial and smiled. It would do nicely. Now all she had to do was find away of getting it into Snape and her plan would be well on its way. It was finding a way of slipping it to him unnoticed that would be difficult. She knew that if she appeared within a hundred yards of him he'd be so alert to her that she couldn't even be able to breath without him knowing. No, the only way to administer the drug to him would be through someone else. She just had to work out who. And once he it had entered into his system and he was rendered completely in her power, then she'd pay him and his little cosy set-up a little visit. Oh how she longed for that. But she couldn't allow over eagerness to spoil her plans. She had to make sure that she made no mistakes; she would only have one chance and one chance only. It had to be perfect.

Her eyes fell on Damien who was sat on the chair opposite her sipping at a glass of milk. He was so like his father.

He looked up at her and raised one eyebrow in question. So like Lucifer… in fact so like him it made her blood boil. Why had he taken after that conniving hypocrite? Why couldn't he have her eyes and her features; why didn't he have her temperament and not the cold ice that ran through his father's veins. 

"Are you alright, Mother?" he asked in his little polite voice that was still the high tone of childhood.

"Perfectly, darling, perfectly." She replied and flashed him a tight smile.

"When are you taking me to Father?" he asked her quietly.

Her smile faded as she stared at him.

"You would rather be with your Father than with me?"

Damien regarded her for a moment.

"He promised me that he and Uncle Lucius would take me fishing," he replied. "He said he would show me the spell that makes only the very best fish catch the bait."

Odile's smile returned but it was tighter and bitter.

"Well, of course you can go darling. Soon, there's something you should know first."

"What's that Mother?"

"You need to see your sister. You'd like to do that wouldn't you?"

"What Moaning Morgana?" he quipped and pushed his now empty glass away. "I don't care really."

"Did I tell you that she has been… unwell."

"No. Really?" his ears almost pricked up and a wicked smile crossed his face. "Nothing that wasn't life-threatening I hope." He grinned at her.

"Really, Damien, she is your sister, dear." Odile dragged a false smile of indulgence up.

"So what's wrong with her now?"

"She had a slight accident with her wand." She said carefully.

Damien snorted and flicked his hand through his hair in a gesture very much like his fathers.

"She's actually been very poorly Damien, darling." Odile watched him carefully as she said her next words. "She almost died."

Damien looked up at her a little shocked.

"Died? What did she do?"

"It doesn't matter really now dear."

"But is she alright?" Odile saw the flicker of concern in his eyes and it pleased her.

"She is asking to see you actually," she lied smoothly and reached across to grip his cold hand.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"Staying with your Uncle Severus; do you remember we told you that he had married?"

"Yes." He snorted as he remembered his father's comments on the Mudblood he'd married.

"Well, she's staying with him there."

"Why does she not come back here?" he demanded.

"Because with your father so busy at the moment and with the move we plan to make, it just makes it easier for her to be there and not be upset by so much upheaval here."

Damien nodded and took his hand away from hers.

"So when can I go and see her?" he asked.

Odile really smiled at him now, resisting the urge to rub her hands together.

"Whenever you want my darling." She picked up her tea and sipped it happily.

A/N: Another chapter!

I hope that you all enjoy it.

Thank you for all your reviews, it really makes my day.

Lady of the Loch: Thank you so much, you made me smile. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Anthony: Thank you blushes you made me very happy.

Elvensorceress: Thanks for the support. It came at the right time. Hope you enjoy this one too.

Coesius: You've been reviewing right from the word go and I can't thank you enough for the reviews you've left me. It gives me encouragement to keep going. As for Senga, she's a hard time of it and it'll be hard for her for awhile, but I have her entire life mapped out and I'm the happy ever after freak, so things will be fine… I think.

Elaine Lahey: I think I must have a split personality because one side of me sees exactly where Meg is coming from and even agree to a point, after all there has to be a line somewhere or the world will descend into anarchy, but another side of me also agrees with Jack. I think that Meg needs to come to terms with Snape, she thinks she's accepted him and even thought for awhile that it made no difference to her, but it does and she hasn't realised that yet.

Thank you for reviewing, it makes me glad to think you enjoy it.

Reflection of hope: Thanks. I love your name!

Chary: I will end it, I promise I will! Despite moonlighting with Captain Jack Sparrow (whose as irresistible to write about as Snape is!) I will finish this story. Jack will also be back again as I love writing him. Thanks for sticking with me, it means a lot.

AppleFreak: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Up until the point Senga woke up, no one knew how she'd be when she woke up. It could have swung either way, brain dead at worse, and as she was, minus her magic, at best. It hasn't really become apparent what kind of impact it's going to have on her and I'm still not sure either. The jury in my head is still out on that one. Thanks again though and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Snape like Bxtch: Thank you, you made me happy.

Ducki1: I'm a Starlight8 now, I'm thinking of changing it as I never really liked it much anyway! Thanks for reviewing and I hope you continue to like it.

TheChicaChic: AWWW! I hope your family didn't forget!

Moldanubikum: Well, I hope you have a really great time! I'll be thinking of you, which much jealousy!

Rugi: I will finish it I promise! I'm just really, really slow! Thanks for sticking with me.

Frini: Thank you for being my buddy! Couldn't do it without you! 

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone, but if I have, thank you.

WARNING!

Shameless Plug ahead:

I've broken my own unwritten law and started another fic. It's a Pirates of the Caribbean Story, because I found it virtually impossible to leave Captain Jack Sparrow alone (sighs unfortunately not literally). I won't beg… just hint. Thanks. ;-)

Have a great day whatever you are doing.


	51. Mutually Beneficial

Updated: March 2008.

Okay firstly and most importantly I have to beg for forgiveness. This has been horrendously overdue. I am so sorry it's taken me so long. I've been really struggling with things lately, life included. The move took it out of us, followed by all three of us getting a Virus that knocked us out. And for some reason I just couldn't get motivated enough to really sit and write this chapter. When I did start to write I think this chapter got re-written a million times! And I'm still not happy with it completely….

Secondly. This hasn't been beta-read yet as I thought I should just upload it and then put the corrected version up later.

So sorry for errors in advance.. okay onwards and please be gentle with me…

* * *

Damien looked behind him but his mother was nowhere to be seen. He stopped, momentarily struck by her sudden disappearance but before he could do anything the door was thrown open and a man he didn't recognise stood there.

"Hello?" The man frowned down at the boy stood on the doorstep. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Morgana Malfoy!" Damien looked up at him with an arrogance born from being a Malfoy.

"And you are?" Jack inquired softly, making no move to let him in. He detested snotty nosed kids and this lad was King of the pack.

"I am Damien Malfoy, Morgana's brother." He spoke slowly as if Jack was stupid and deaf and Jack had the urge to reach out and cuff the kid around the ears. 

"Are you indeed," Jack replied. He heard a movement behind him and was glad to hear the cool tones of Snape.

"Come in, Damien."

Jack stepped aside and the boy shot him a smug condescending smile as he passed him.

Damien stopped inside the door and looked around him with a curl of his lips; obviously not impressed with that he was seeing. Jack shut the door with a bang and was disturbed to see that the child didn't even move let alone jump at the sudden noise.

He caught Snape's eye over the child's head and pulled a face at him but Snape merely smirked back at him before looking down at Damien.

"Good afternoon, Uncle Severus." Damien spoke up. "May I see Morgana?" The boy's voice was childishly high but the tone of arrogant formality was far from childish.

Snape stared down at his nephew.

"Where is your mother?" he asked quietly, ignoring the question.

Damien looked perplexed for a few seconds before shrugging.

"I see." Snape frowned and arched a black eyebrow at him.

"Follow me!" He instructed the boy coldly. "And do not touch anything."

Snape's voice was several degrees below freezing and Jack shivered at his tone but it appeared to roll of Damien's back as he nodded and followed his uncle down the corridor to the kitchen.

"Morgana has not been well and you will only be able to spend a few minutes with her." Snape lead him into the kitchen and pointed to one of the chairs set around the table.

"Sit." He instructed darkly. "And do not move until I return." Snape moved to where a very curious Jack had come into the kitchen and was now leaning against the side, his arms folded across his chest.

"Watch him and keep your wand handy," he said quietly to Jack. He moved to the door and then stopped looking back over his shoulder at Damien.

"Don't trust him, Jack," he intoned and turning swept out of the kitchen.

Jack looked at the skinny child whose nose was stuck high in the air as he sat clutching a small box in his bony fingers. He gave a silent prayer of thanks for his own childhood and stood forward sliding his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, his fingers curling around the smooth wood of his wand.

By the time Snape got to the bottom of the stairs Sengawas already stood there, her face white and pinched.

"Is it Mother?" she asked him fearfully.

Snape shook his head his eyes going to her hair. Meg had just finished dying her hair and it had taken well, leaving it a deep brown with hints of black in the strands.

"Damien is here on his own."

Senga frowned at him and looked back up the stairs to where Meg was coming down wiping her hands on a towel.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Damien," Snape replied and saw her eyes go wide with surprise.

"Where's Clarity?" he asked her softly.

"Asleep in her cot." 

He nodded satisfied and reaching out took a strand of Senga's still damp hair in his fingers.

"You look lovely," he said quietly and not a little awkwardly.

"I don't feel any different." She smiled weakly at him. "You were right it doesn't change anything really…"

Snape sighed and let his hand rest on her shoulder.

"You look as you did Senga, your hair is the same…" He looked into the deep brown of the contacts that covered her eyes. "Your eyes are as they were. Looking at you no one will be any the wiser."

He drew his hand back and was surprised when she reached out and gripped his hand in hers.

"Where is he?"

"In the kitchen," he replied. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to see him."

Senga nodded, took a deep breath and letting go of his hand she moved around the bottom of the banisters and towards the kitchen.

She went in slowly, her eyes darting around nervously. She saw Jack stood by the counter and felt relief flow through her as she heard Snape and Meg move in behind her. She felt their support, not through magic, but just by the fact that they were willing to stay there with her. She looked up at Jack and caught his quick wink; it made her smile weakly at him.

She turned to where her brother sat, his eyebrows lifted when he caught her eyes.

"Damien." She said and sat down on the chair opposite and furthest from him.

"Morgana." He sounded slightly relieved. "Mother said you'd lost all your colouring, that you had white hair…"

Senga shrugged and refused to let him know what her aunt had done for her.

"Have you really lost all your magic?" he demanded and his eyes narrowed slightly "Whatever possessed you to do that you idiot?"

Senga looked at him in surprise, his voice was still cold but there was underlying tone of concern in his voice.

"What do you care anyway?" she heard herself ask and waited for one of the adults to reprimand her for being nasty but no one said anything.

"I don't." Damien shot back. "Well…" He frowned and looked down at the box in his hands. "She said you almost died. You look fine to me."

"I feel fine." She shrugged again and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Would you like a drink?" Meg asked them keeping her tone light and even. "Lemonade? Coke?"

"Coke?" Damien looked at her and arched an eyebrow. "Tea would be nice, please."

Meg blinked and shot a look at Jack who rolled his eyes at her and crossed to the sink to fill the kettle for her.

Damien looked up at Jack and frowned.

"Why do you have humans for servants? Why not use house-elves?" he asked curiously.

Jack choked and then laughed as he turned and saw the horrified look on Senga's face.

"He's not a servant!" she hissed at Damien. "He's my uncle!"

"Jack is my brother," Meg said helpfully to him. He pulled a face but didn't look embarrassed for his mistake.

"Where is…mother?" Senga caught Damien's attention again.

"I don't know," he said and once again a puzzled expression crossed his face before he shrugged it off.

Jack poured water into the tea pot as Meg added two tea-bags. She looked across at Snape who was still stood in the doorway arms folded across his chest, his face closed.

He caught her eye and she held up the mug in her hand in silent question. He shook his head his eyes sliding back to look at Damien. 

"None for me either Meg, I need to get back." Jack looked at her seeing the troubled expression in her eyes. He reached forward and kissed her cheek before letting his mouth graze past her ear.

"Trust him, Meg. He's knows that family better than anyone," he whispered and stood back from her. She looked up at him and smiled weakly before nodding.

"Well…" he raised his eyebrows and turned to Damien. "Nice meeting you." 

Jack looked faintly puzzled as Damien nodded curtly in reply and then looked back intently at his sister.

Jack moved to stand behind Senga; he dropped a kiss on her head.

"You look like a million dollars, princess," he whispered in her ear and then crossed to where Snape stood to one side to let him out.

"You know where I'll be if you need me," he said to them in general and nodding at Snape walked out the door starting to whistle.

"What's a million dollars?" Senga asked Meg turning in her seat to look at her.

Meg looked as she saw Snape step out of the room and follow Jack. She knew he had something in mind, some plan but she had no idea what.

She looked back at Senga and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"It's a lot of money and an expression that means you look stunning, Senga." Meg smiled to see the blush of pleasure stain her otherwise white cheeks.

"Senga?" snorted Damien, "What sort of name is that?

Senga rounded on him and lifted her nose in the air.

"It's my name!" she said arrogantly.

Damien shrugged again and looked around the kitchen.

Jack turned as he heard Snape call his name. He saw him coming down the hall towards him so he shut the door and waited.

Snape stopped a few feet from him his face dark and unreadable.

"I would be grateful if you could just stay with them for awhile," he said softly. "I'm going to take Damien home."

Jack lifted one eyebrow but knew better than to question him. He nodded and stepped forwards.

"Of course."

Snape nodded curtly at him and turning swept back up the hallway.

He entered the kitchen with Jack on his heels.

"I think perhaps that's long enough for one day, Damien. You may visit again another time if you so wish," Snape spoke coldly as he came in.

Senga stood up relieved that the ordeal was over.

Damien placed his cup on the table and stood up, the epitome of manners.

"Thank you for the tea, it was interesting."

Snape stepped forwards and gripped Damien's shoulder tightly.

"I'll take to your fathers. He's been looking for you," he spoke softly.

Damien looked up at Snape with delight on his face, making him look like a normal child offered a treat.

"Yes, please," he said quickly and Snape nodded. He looked up at a surprised Meg.

"Wait up for me, Megan, we need to talk," he said and then Apparated quickly taking Damien with him.

Meg blinked at the empty space and looked round at where Jack was leaning in the doorway.

"Well…" Meg was lost for words that could be said in front of Senga.

"Mother won't like that will she?" came Senga's soft voice.

"No." Meg looked down at her "I believe she won't like that at all."

* * *

Megan couldn't believe what was taking Snape so long. Clarity had been fed, played with, bathed and was back to sleep again, as was Senga.

Jack was currently lounging on the settee in front of the TV.

"I can't imagine where he is," Meg said for the hundredth time as she paced the living room floor.

Jack moved to his left slightly when she blocked his view of the telly.

"Meg! Move please, I want to see what Dirty Den is going to do…" He waved his hand at her to move.

"Jack! How can you sit there and watch that. Look, go on home, it's late, Hilary will wonder where you are."

"Hilary knows where I am; I spoke to her through the fireplace. She's fine about it and so am I. He asked me to stay till he got back and I will do, lest I bring the full fury of Snape down on me." He joked and sighed switching the telly off when he caught sight of Meg's worried face. "Look, I was joking; I'd stay here with you anyway you know that. He'll be okay, he always is."

"How long does it take to drop one small boy off?"

"One rather obnoxious brat is the words I'd have chosen," he corrected her wryly. "I've never seen a kid quite like that before. Uncanny. At his age I was climbing trees, scraping my knees and getting into all sorts of harmless trouble."

"You were normal," Meg said absently.

"Were?" he queried laughing. "What are you trying to say sis?"

Meg half smiled at him and rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

"You don't really want to know do you?"

"No probably not!"

Snape at that moment came through the living room door and Jack held out his hands.

"See what did I tell you?" he said and uncrossing his ankles stretched his lanky frame out before running both hands through his long untidy hair and getting to his feet.

He tucked his shirt back in and grinned at Snape.

"All's present and correct, Capt'n." he quipped and mock saluting to Meg he winked at Snape. "Maybe I can get to watch Eastenders at home in peace now. If Hilary has managed to work out which buttons to press on theDVD recorder that is; you know, some of you purebloods are surprisingly slow when it comes to normal everyday appliances." He shrugged as if it was one of life's great mysteries and would never be solved.

"Thank you, Jack," Snape's voice was deep but it reflected some of the tiredness he was feeling.

"You're welcome," Jack replied and sauntered out of the living room to Apparate with a soft pop home.

Meg turned to Snape and folded her arms.

"Well? Or are you going to keep me in the dark on this as well?" she asked and winced at how sharp her tone was.

He glared at her and turning left the living room switching the lights off as he went.

"Come with me and I'll tell you everything you want to know," he threw over his shoulder.

"Everything I want to know or everything you want me to know," Meg muttered as she followed him, but he heard her and looked back over his shoulder briefly before carrying on up the stairs to their room.

They both undressed in silence and it was Meg who was first to get into bed. She pulled the sheets up and sat there watching as he sat on the edge of the bed still in his trousers and shirt.

"You want to know what has been going on, don't you?" he asked her quietly not looking at her as he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt.

"You want me to tell you what I did tonight at the Malfoy's. Why it took me so long to come back home?" He turned his head and looked at her one black eyebrow rose.

Meg frowned at him and nodded, her hands clasped on the sheets.

"And if I tell you, will I be judged as being one step closer to being a Death Eater again?" anger evident in his voice.

"I never said you were like that. I never said you could be like that again!" She shot back as she stared into his cold black eyes.

"Yes, you did. Maybe in not so many words but the implication was there, Megan," he contradicted her sharply, his face intent but the deep scowl was still between his eyes.

"I admit that I couldn't understand why you went to the Malfoys, until Jack very rightly pointed out that he is after all her father, or sort of anyway." Meg spoke slowly. "But I know that you did what you felt right for her and I had no right to question that and I'm sorry for "getting on my high horse" as Jack puts it." She glared at him, angry with him even while she was apologising to him.

"There was no other way around it, the ministry would act to late, I realise that now. I judged you for doing something that I would have done had I been you." Meg drew a deep breath her fingers clenching around the sheet.

"I got confused and it needed Jack to kick me back into line." She shook her head and looked at him and sighed all the anger left her as she just felt weary.

"She called you a Chameleon," she said quietly. "And I fell for it." She shrugged "She told me that you presented an image that you wanted me and everyone else to see, an image of something you weren't. That the Severus who was part of the Dark Lord's inner circle had never really gone away. That it just needed something like this to wake him up and in those few seconds she was right. She's clever, she's evil. She knew that you were keeping things from me, how she knew I have no idea but she knew and she used it and it worked." Tears filled her eyes as she stared at the blanket. "I knew she was wrong, deep inside I knew she was wrong, knew that I could trust you with my life, with Clarity and Senga's lives and not regret it. But I was so angry that you hadn't told me about adopting Senga, and that I had to hear it from her, that she could use that against me. And then to come home and have Jack tell me about the men from the ministry; it was like the icing on the cake. As if it was underlining everything she had told me. You don't let me in on anything and I'm left feeling so unsure."

Snape sighed and lifting a hand ran it through his dark hair letting it fall to partially obscure his face.

"Believe it or not I was going to tell you about Senga and the ministry," he said quietly and all the anger had gone from his voice. "Everything happened so quickly and then it just seemed as if it was never the right time."

"Please don't keep me in the dark deliberately, Severus," she said it softly but he heard her.

"I didn't do it intentionally," he said quietly shrugging out of his shirt and letting it drop to the floor. He turned on the bed and knelt beside her staring at her intently.

"But you have to understand something, Megan. Sometimes things happen too fast for me to be able to do anything except deal with it. Like with the Malfoys, I don't always have time to sit you down and tell you what I'm going to do. I didn't even know myself that was going to happen till I got there. Same with tonight, I had no idea Damien was going to come and see Senga but it presented me with the perfect opportunity and I couldn't let it pass."

"I know that," Meg said sitting up straighter and had the grace to blush. "Well, I do now Jack pointed it out to me."

"If there is one thing I regret more than anything it's knowing you had to face Odile alone."

Meg shook her head and unclasped her hands to reach out and stroke his face.

"I can face her, I can face anything as long as I know what's going on," Meg said softly. "She was only able to use that against me because I didn't know. Had I known she would never have got that far." She frowned and her hand dropped to the sheets.

"I know I let you down," she said quietly, her eyes on his nose, unable to meet his eyes. "I know that I promised you I'd back you come what may and then I doubt you. I don't like what has happened to us, Severus. I don't like this tension between us."

"And neither do I," he said quietly and moved to sit beside her, drawing her against him wrapping his arm around her.

"You haven't let me down, Megan. I know exactly what she's like. I just wish you'd told me everything she'd said to you." He stroked his fingers up and down her bare arm. "I am what I am, Megan. I can't change any more than I already have. What you see is who I am. I am not a chameleon with you. I will admit that there are times that I do present an image for people, but my survival has depended on that more than once. But I have never presented you with anything but the truth."

"I know," Meg sighed and buried her face into his bare shoulder. Her shoulders shook and he felt the wetness of her tears on his skin.

"I took Damien to Malfoy Manor." Snape changed the subject abruptly; they could talk in circles for hours and he doubted that Meg could take much more. She was mentally exhausted not to mention still physically exhausted from pregnancy and childbirth. He knew that it took a year for a woman to recover both mentally and physically from childbirth and he knew that he hadn't been making allowances for her. Had Odile attacked Megan two years or even a year before Clarity had been born there would have been no room for doubt in Megan's mind, she would have wiped the floor with Odile. But so much had happened to her and it was one of the reasons why he tried to hold back from her slightly. He tried to protect her but it had backfired and she was quite right when she said it left her vulnerable; he had left her vulnerable and he wouldn't do that again.

"Lucifer was suitably thankful," Snape smirked slightly as he remembered his face when Snape had handed over Damien. "He insisted I stay for a drink and I agreed thinking I could find out what had been happening."

"And did you?" came her muffled voice. 

"Ministry have been snooping round there as well. They think Damien is the key to getting Odile."

"And Lucifer will allow them to get Odile first?" she lifted her head slightly so she could wipe her eyes.

"Not if he can help it. In some respects…" he faded out slowly and she looked up at him.

"What?" she asked slowly.

He looked down at her, his black eyes glittered.

"Whatever happens to Odile she has brought it on herself," he said quietly. "I won't step into to help her, but I find myself hoping that it is the ministry that gets to her first. Lucifer will be merciless and I don't care for Senga to get any more hurt than she already has." He leaned his cheek into her hand turning slightly to kiss her palm.

"We must tell her soon that we have adopted her." Meg lifted her other arm and wound it around his neck pulling him down towards her as she lay back on the bed.

Snape nodded before bringing his head down to hers his forehead resting on hers.

"We'll tell her tomorrow."

Meg bit her lip and pulled her head back from his slightly.

"Severus. Why did Damien come here? I mean why did he really come here?" She looked up into his black eyes. "Why would Odile let him come here knowing that you could take Damien away from her?"

Snape sighed and sat up disentangling himself from her.

"I don't know," he replied "Lucifer asked me the exact same question and I had no answer for him either. Lucius suggested that she wanted Damien with them because she knew her time was limited so to speak. One way or the other it's only a matter of time before she's caught."

"But you don't think that do you?" she said carefully.

"No." Severus looked down at her. "No I don't. She doesn't have any more love for Damien than she does for Senga. There were merely a means to an end and I don't think that's changed now. She's used him somehow but I'm unsure how."

"Do you think he's in danger?" she asked not liking the idea that he would be hurt in any way. She may not have liked him much but he was still a child and in need of protection.

"Not now he's with Lucifer." Severus shook his head. "That was one of the reasons I took him there. They'll find out if she's done anything to him and they'll deal with it."

"Do you think it's wise? Sending him there. Look what happened to Draco? He was disowned, what about Damien? If he turns out okay they'll disown him as well and if he doesn't turn out well we'll have helped to create another little Death Eater."

"Megan." Severus looked down at her. "You can't help everyone. You can't save the world single-handedly. Some things are out of our control and Damien is one of them. Lucifer and Lucius will send him to Hogwarts when he's old enough and while he's there and under Albus' care there is always hope."

Meg nodded and closed her eyes with a sigh.

"Why is everything always so difficult?" She moaned.

Severus lay beside her, hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I don't know."

"Life isn't fair," she moaned again.

"No it's not. But it is fairer than death," Severus pointed out.

Meg chuckled and looked at him before turning on her side and resting her chin on his chest. She trailed a fingertip up and down his chest as she thought over everything that had happened.

"Keep that up and I'll show you fair," Severus said wickedly and caught her hand in his.

Meg blinked and then looked at him slyly.

"Is that a promise or a threat?" she asked her lips curling in a smile.

"Why don't you find out?" came his dark chuckle.

* * *

Meg yawned as she entered the kitchen the following morning. She could hear Snape with Clarity in the living room. He had got up with Clarity when she had woken earlier leaving Meg to lie on for awhile which she was grateful for.

There was only a few days left till the start of term and she knew that he'd soon be out of the house for most of the day. She was beginning to miss the thought of going back to Hogwarts although she knew there was no way she'd give Clarity up.

She moved forwards and something caught her eye under the kitchen table. She bent forwards and saw the box that Damien had been holding yesterday. She didn't recall him giving it to Senga nor did she recall him saying anything about it.

"Severus?" she called not touching the box but peering at it anyway.

Snape appeared in the doorway holding Clarity in his arms. She was tugging at his hair happily.

"Look. Damien left it yesterday." She pointed at the box on the floor by the chair.

It was small about three inches by three inches and was wrapped in shiny red paper with a tiny bow on the top.

"He brought something for Senga but didn't give it to her." She said. "He must have forgotten."

"Don't touch it," Snape said firmly and held Clarity out to her.

Meg took the little girl and was instantly rewarded by a sloppy open mouthed kiss.

Meg kissed the little girl back and rested her on her hip.

He moved towards the box and crouched beside it before taking his wand out.

"It's not a Port Key." He frowned after a few minutes. "And neither does it seem to have any magic attached to it."

He bent forward and picked the box up. Undoing the bow and taking the paper off, he reached inside the box and drew out a tiny cut glass vial.

"That's pretty," Meg said as she saw the many facets of the glass reflect the light.

"Dangerous things often are," he said dryly and held the bottle up trying to see what was inside.

"I had better take this upstairs to see what it is." He stood up in one fluid motion and looked at her.

Meg nodded at him and felt a chill run down her spine.

"I don't like it," she said uneasily.

He set the bottle down on the table and moved towards her.

He kissed her forehead and was instantly caught in a pair of chubby hands.

"Da."

Meg looked at Clarity in shock and then up at Snape's black eyes.

"She called you Da," she said excitedly, all thoughts of the vial gone from her mind.

"She's too young to be talking yet." Snape dismissed it but Meg could see the gleam of pleasure in his eyes as he looked at Clarity. "Although you are going to be very advanced," he mused. "Considering who your parents are it is to be expected."

Meg snorted at him and then her smile faded as she saw the vial on the table.

"Be careful," she said looking at it.

He blinked, picked it up and went towards the door.

"Of course." 

Meg watched him disappear out the door and not for the first time wished Odile had never been born.

A/N: Ducks thrown tomatoes. Yes I know that was a lame as lame gets but it was a transitional chapter and hard to write. I needed to get that vial into Snape's hands and Damien out of the way.

I usually like to respond to everyone who is kind enough to review personally, but if I did that this time, it'd be another month before I posted.

So I would just like to say a really really BIG thank you to everyone who reviewed.

Some of your reviews actually got me thinking and have shaped the chapters to come!

It won't be that long next time…. Hides in shame… 

Thank you for reading and for staying with me despite me terrible procrastination.

Have a great day wherever you are.


	52. Possession

Updated: March 2008.

Author's Note:

Okay, okay… so you've probably forgotten what this is about. Probably don't even care anymore… bows head in shame. Apologies.

If you are going to read still a heads up that it hasn't been beta-read so there are many varied and sickening mistakes. Sorry.

Please enjoy….

* * *

Snape stared at the bottle on the desk in front of him. He had no doubts that it was a trick and no doubt that Odile was behind it; he just had no idea what it was.

"Severus?" He turned and saw Meg walking towards him. "Have you found anything yet?"

He shook his head and turned back to the bottle.

"Why don't we let the ministry have it?" she asked him.

He reached out and caught her round the waist tugging her down onto his lap.

"I think that might be wise," he replied softly. "I can find nothing on the surface but I have neither the resources nor the inclination to really look into it."

Meg reached out and picked up the tiny bottle. She tilted it and watched as the light was refracted from its cut glass surface casting rainbows around her.

"It really is very beautiful," she murmured turning it slowly. "Maybe it's not harmful at all."

"Megan, it came from Odile what else could it be except dangerous?"

"Maybe she doesn't know anything about it. Maybe it truly did come from Damien."

"And maybe I'll start wearing pink robes and handing out sweets with each assignment," he drawled sarcastically.

"Well, you have developed a sense of humour so I guess anything is possible." She grinned as she placed the bottle back onto the desk.

"Madam! I'll have you know that it's akin to high treason accusing a Snape of having anything as evil as a sense of humour," he replied caustically but his fingers dancing along her sides belied the tone of his voice.

She squirmed away from his fingers, trying to twist around. Her hands caught his and he let her hold tightly to them. She looked at him seriously.

"You know, now you say it, it's quite an interesting thought you in pink. I could have some quite nice daydreams about it."

He arched an eyebrow at her and pulled his hands from hers to grasp her waist.

"I have some wonderful daydreams about you in nothing at all," he leered wickedly at her. "Fancy making them come true?"

"Why, Severus!" She pressed a hand to her chest in mock horror. "What a thing to say to a lady!"

"That may be as well. But you're my lady and that makes it perfectly alright," he insisted and with a sly grin inched his hands under her jumper.

"If you say so," she demurred and lowered her head to his, the bottle temporarily forgotten.

* * *

Snape grinned smugly as Meg disappeared back through the doorway quite some time after she had first come in. He was relieved that they seemed to be back on an even keel again. Their marriage wasn't all sweetness and light at the best of times, and he doubted that it ever would be. But then he didn't want it any other way; she challenged him, kept him on his toes and just when he thought he knew everything there was to know about her, she'd pull a fast one and take him by surprise. But the last couple of days weren't something he ever wanted to repeat with her again. The bitterness between them was tangible and more than once he thought that he had actually lost her. He wasn't sure what he would do if she ever walked away from him. Probably follow her, for he would never be content to live life without her, not now he knew what it was like to be loved and to love in return. It was a situation he would do anything to retain and give everything to protect.

He looked down at the bottle on the table and a heavy feeling settled in his stomach as his wandering thoughts were wrenched back to the bottle.

Snape knew someone was off about the bottle. His gut instinct told him that nothing could come from Damien while his mother had any influence over him.

He was very wary about opening it and wondered if it would be best to just ignore it, hide it away somewhere and forget about it. With a sigh he remembered how well it had gone the last time he tried to hide something away here.

If there was magic involved, he couldn't afford Senga, Meg or even Clarity in a few years coming across the bottle.

The ministry was definitely the right way to go. He reached for his wand and found himself weaving a containing spell around the bottle as he opened the stopper gently.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, or even what he'd been doing until it was too late, but he let out a breath when nothing happened.

He leaned forward and peered into the bottle, trying to see what was in there.

He could see it. He could smell it and there was nothing he could do about it.

A tiny tendril of green smoke swirled up from the depths of the bottle, twisting and turning as it climbed higher towards him, growing bigger, expanding as it climbed.

His mind was screaming for him to back away, get out of the room as fast as he could, but his body would not comply and he watched helplessly as the smoke enveloped his body. Twisting it filled his nostrils, sliding into his mouth, working its way down into his lungs and into his blood.

His eyes flashed green for a few seconds before returning to their usual black.

The smoke was gone.

Snape blinked and then stared at the bottle. He frowned, replaced the stopper opened his drawer and placed the bottle inside. He closed and locked the drawer, stood up and went downstairs.

* * *

Lucius knew something was different the moment he swept through the door.

The house-elf bobbing at his side, waiting for his cloak said nothing; and there were no outward signs of anything. But still he knew something had happened. It was too quiet. He could hear no signs of Lucifer. Usually when he returned Lucifer would be somewhere downstairs; either murdering the pianoforte he insisted he played expertly, or just making a racket somewhere. But today the manor was quiet.

"Where's my brother?" he demanded icily, not looking at the house-elf as he thrust his cloak and cane at him.

"Master is in the study, Master." The house-elf croaked nervously as he hung the cloak and cane up hastily before rushing to follow Lucius as he swept towards the study. The house-elf managed to stay behind him until he reached the doors then he slipped in front and opened the door in time for Lucius to sweep through without breaking his stride. The house-elf shut the door behind him, gave a huge sigh of relief and 'popped' back to the kitchens.

"Lucifer?" Lucius' cold eyes scanned the library as he moved forwards. He stopped when he saw his brother standing by the fire, a smile on his face. Damien was sitting in one of the high-backed chairs that flanked the fireplace. He saw his uncle and stood up respectfully. He clasped his hands in front of him and waited to be addressed before he spoke.

"You found him?" Lucius arched a silver eyebrow and stepped forward to stand in front of the boy.

"Damndest thing happened Lucius!" Lucifer said cheerfully.

"Oh really?" Lucius gripped the boy's chin firmly and tilted his head from side to side studying him closely.

"Snape turned up with him this morning. Said he'd been to see Morgana."

"Really?" Lucius' eyebrows rose again but he made no further remark as he released the boy's chin.

"All that searching and he turned up just like that." Lucifer reached forward and ruffled the boy's hair.

A spark of irritation appeared in Damien's eyes but he made no move to smooth his hair down. Lucius eyed him critically.

"You're very welcome here, Damien," he said his voice one degree above freezing.

"Thank you, sir, I appreciate it."

Lucius nodded and snapped his fingers. The house-elf appeared looking wearily at him.

"Take Master Damien to his room," he said coldly.

"Yes, Master." The house-elf bowed and stood to one side waiting for the boy to move ahead of him. 

Damien looked at his father and inclined his head slightly before doing the same with Lucius. He walked towards the door, the house-elf close behind.

Lucius waited till the doors had shut behind him before he turned to Lucifer.

"Acceptable manners," he murmured.

"Impeccable," Lucifer corrected him coolly making Lucius grin slyly.

"Whatever, brother dear." He waved it aside casually. "More importantly, we have to wonder why Odile is so willing to allow Damien back in the paternal fold."

Lucifer frowned and nodded at him before crossing to plop down into the chair his son had vacated.

"I had that same thought myself right after Snape brought him in. I think Snape realises she's up to something, but I believe he is no more aware of just what she's up to than we are."

"Have you checked him for any glamour spells?"

Lucifer nodded and looked up at him with a hint of anger mixed with indignation in his eyes.

"He's had his memory affected. I don't know what or how, I can just tell. It is Damien though, no doubt about that. I can only assume she has no further need for him, for you can guarantee the only reason she took him in the first place was to further her own means."

Lucius headed to the drinks cabinet and came back with two double whiskies.

"What do you suggest about Damien? There's no way of retrieving what she's changed…" he sat opposite his brother and sipped his whisky after shrugging elegant shoulders.

"I think we should let it go unless he shows signs of directly interfering with anything we do."

"Agreed." Lucius stared down at the amber liquid. "And what of Snape, what else did he have to say for himself."

"He's sick of her tricks. That much is clear," Lucifer said. "He's aware she's playing a game but he's not certain what her end aim is."

"I think I could tell him that," Lucius grinned slyly.

"I rather fancy she's going to tear his family apart." Lucifer returned his grin. "And are we going to sit back and watch her or are we going to help an 'old friend'?"

"She's already made a start. My confident at St. Mungo's told me this morning that she's already had a run in with Snape's wife. He doesn't know what was said; just that they had both been in Morgana's room at the same time and when he saw Megan Snape afterwards she looked like she'd been through a bit."

"Odile can be a heartless bitch and a sly one to boot. I have no doubt that she tried to get her claws into her."

"Question is did it work?" Lucius mused.

"Question is do we care?" Lucifer returned.

"Not really, but it could be fun to watch Snape's world unravel around him."

"Agreed; but I still think Snape is only a few steps away from returning to his former glory," Lucifer countered.

"I'm not certain that I want Snape anywhere near his former glory. And anyway, as it stands at the moment the man is far more dangerous than he's ever been. He has something to loose now and he'll defend that to the death."

"Which is what she wants," Lucifer said tightly.

"Which is exactly what she wants. In which case, brother dear, it is our duty to make sure she fails in that too."

"And therefore, in doing so, we should be prepared to step in and help Snape or his family if required," Lucifer muttered. "Maybe a courtesy call on my daughter is due."

"You disowned her. Remember?" drawled Lucius lazily.

"Well no harm in making sure she still breaths." He shrugged. "After all I had no idea the silly chit would go and nearly kill herself."

"Better make it when that annoying toad isn't there."

"Which annoying toad?" asked Lucifer casually, "The baby or Megan's brother."

"Well ideally both of them but I suppose we'll have to settle on just having the brother out of the way."

"And Odile?"

"She can wait for a little bit longer. You can guarantee she's stewing at the moment…." He stopped and frowned. "Depending on why she sent Damien to Snape's of course. I think its best we have a little chat with Damien before too long. I have a feeling there's much more to this than meets the eyes. I don't like the fact she had quite willing given him up. She must have known that Snape would keep him away from her and give him back to you."

"Not necessarily," Lucifer countered. "She won't be aware we've spoken about anything other than to sign Morgana's papers a couple of weeks ago now. She may not realise that Snape has deigned to consort with us again."

"He hasn't, not really." Lucius reminded him. "He made it quite clear that he would allow no payback on that one."

"There's not much love lost between you two is there?" asked Lucifer quietly. "You were such good friends at school."

"We tolerated each other," Lucius corrected him. "We used each other. It was a mutually beneficially friendship. We protected each other and used each other as a sounding board; but he was never predictable and he still isn't. And while he may have rejected the Dark Lord, he has not fully rejected dark magic. It runs in his blood and will be there till he dies. He's essentially dark, and nothing will change that."

Lucifer nodded and lifted his glass sipping quietly as he mused over what Lucius had said.

"A toast," Lucius said suddenly watching his brother closely. "Revenge, wealth and Damien," he said and held out his glass.

"Revenge, wealth and family." Lucifer changed it and clinked his glass with his brothers. "To the death, brother."

"To the death," Lucius replied.

* * *

Snape stood at the bottom of the stairs listening to a child screaming. It seemed to come from the kitchen; carefully he turned the corner and walked quietly and quickly towards the open door.

Meg was stood in the middle of the room cradling the crying child. She looked up as she him stood in the door.

"Oh, Severus!" Relief was evident on her face. "Her teeth are really bothering her, could you get the potion for me. I put it on the top shelf."

"Where is Senga?" he asked and his voice seemed deeper than normal, but Meg was too taken with Clarity to look at him again or to even notice that he hadn't moved from the door.

"Senga?" She began to pace back and forth with the baby, suddenly realising Snape hadn't moved. "Severus! Please, the potion! You know how quickly it works."

Snape moved across to the cabinet and took the small vial from the top shelf.

He moved towards Meg and looked impassively down at his daughter.

"Can't you stop her crying?" he snapped suddenly.

Meg looked up at him impatiently.

"Not helping, Severus," she snapped back and took the vial from him and marched across to the chair. She sat down and struggled to get a squirming Clarity to open her mouth. She rubbed the potion onto her gums and gave a cry of pain as Clarity bit down on her finger.

"Oooh!" Meg looked up at Snape as Clarity began to quite down as the potion began to work. "I think she has another tooth almost through."

Snape narrowed his eyes at her, totally ignoring the baby in her arms.

"Where is Senga?" he repeated his earlier question.

"Senga has gone with Jack to Diagon Alley. She's going to meet Neville there as well."

Snape straightened to his full height and looked down his nose at Meg.

"Is something wrong? Have the ministry got back to you yet?" she asked frowning at the indentation of a tooth shape in her finger.

"The ministry?" Snape raised one eyebrow and folded his arms; his hands disappearing up the sleeves of his black frock coat.

"About Odile?" she frowned up at him. "Are you feeling okay? You're awfully pale."

"I am fine," He replied shortly.

"What about the bottle Damien brought Senga? Are you going to take it to them today?"

"What is with all the questions, Megan?" he suddenly inquired coldly. "Do you not trust me?"

Meg gaped up at him in surprise but he was already gliding out of the room.

"I will take the vial to them today." He threw back at her without turning or stopping.

Meg frowned as she heard him almost stomp back up the stairs. She looked down at where Clarity was trying to grab her fingers for a quick chew.

"Oh no, you don't missy." Meg smiled down at her but she was still puzzled over Snape's behaviour.

* * *

Odile blinked taken aback slightly before an evil smile played on her lips.

"Weeeelll." She drew the word out on a hiss. "I hadn't quite expected it to be you, but then maybe this is even better." 

She crossed to where Snape stood with his arms inside his sleeves, back ramrod straight, eyes staring straight ahead. She circled him slowly.

"I had expected it to be your lovely wife." She narrowed her eyes and crossed around to stand in front of him, only having to rise a little on her toes to bring her eyes level with his. She stared intently into the black depths but they were more than their usual guarded blankness. They were totally soulless.

"Excellent!" She stepped back and brought her hands together in much a similar manner to Snape's.

"This is going to be so beautiful. I think we'll start with that meddling wife of yours seeing as she was the one I had thought would open the gift."

She lowered her hands and drew her wand from her sleeve and cast a spell that made Snape's eyes glow momentarily green before once more returning to black.

"Kill your wife and child, Severus. Kill Megan and Clarity Snape," Odile said quietly and was pleased to see him nod once and Apparate with another soft pop.

She grinned and turned abruptly to face a mirror on the wall.

She stepped forward and brought one finger to her blood red lips.

"Lucifer, you're next my sweet; and how I will enjoy watching you die."

* * *

Lucifer looked at Lucius in alarm.

"What on earth has she done to him?" he began to pace the floor, one hand tapping against his chin. They had spoken to Damien and Lucifer was boiling hot over what his son had told him.

"Calm yourself brother." Lucius replied coolly. "You really do have an alarming reaction to anything that woman does don't you?"

Lucifer rounded on his brother, his eyes blazing in fury.

"Well what do you expect?" he spat back hotly, his temperament was polar opposite to his brother. While Lucius was cold as ice and hard as stone, Lucifer was more volatile and hot-tempered.

"The woman has tried her damdest to ruin my life. She's used Black Magic on my son. Do you hear me Lucius? MY SON!"

"I'm well aware of that fact Lucius and there really is no need to shout at me. I think it's quite obvious that you are unable to view things objectively."

"Of course I'm unable!" Lucifer bent forward slightly glaring down at his brother who was quite impassive. "I'm not like you Lucius; I'm not carved from stone. I have to admit that some part of me cares a great deal for Damien. He's my son, my blood!" Lucifer paused to draw breath and stood to his full height. "You may be unfamiliar with the concept of love for ones son but I am not!"

Lucius shot to his feet and took one step towards his brother who refused to give ground.

"Tread carefully Lucifer, tread very carefully." Lucius hissed from between clenched teeth; his usually pale face was white with restrained anger.

"Well dammit Lucius," Lucifer dragged a hand over his face, his eyes closed wearily.

"No." Lucius shook his head. "You of all people should know how Draco's betrayal affected me. I gave that boy everything and he threw it in my face. I bled for him Lucifer! You have no right to question my feelings over my son!"

Lucifer sighed heavily and rested a shaky hand on Lucius' shoulder.

"I apologise, brother. I know you suffered greatly when Draco turned his back on you."

"And you were there for me every step of the way, Lucifer." Lucius lifted his hand and covered his brothers. "Allow me to do the same for you now. You were right; we are unalike in so many ways which is why you need me now. I know the depth of feeling you have for Damien. I know it clouds your vision, allow me to be your eyes, allow me to plan this one out. I swear to you Odile will be yours. But let me make the finer details, you are too close to this to think straight. I am impervious to Odile's deviousness; she holds nothing over me like she does you."

"She holds nothing over me either brother," Lucifer said darkly.

"She holds your anger over you. While you have this anger clouding your mind you are likely to make a mistake. Whatever happens, the important thing is that none of this can be traced back to us! Do you understand that?"

Lucifer nodded and sighed heavily again.

"I regret the day I asked that witch to be my wife," he spat, his eyes locking with his brothers.

"I know. And believe me by the time we've finished with her she'll rue the day she crossed us."

"Is everything set up?"

Lucius smiled slyly at his brother and Lucifer laughed.

"Of course it is. I should know by now that you see to everything with ruthless efficiency." Lucifer shook his head and slid his arm around his brother's shoulders.

"Indeed I do and I can guarantee that we will have her exactly where we want her."

"And what of this vial she had Damien give to Senga?"

"I think perhaps a visit to the Snape's now might be in order. I've a mind to look at this Snape offspring anyway; it certainly begs wonder, doesn't it? To see what a Snape mudblood will look like?" Lucius grinned at his brother.

"After you Lucius, after you." Lucifer held out his hand to his brother who nodded and snatching up his silver headed cane left the room with a wicked smirk on his face.

Author's Note:

Once again I duck the rotten tomatoes thrown my way.

It's been so damn long that I'll be surprised if any of you are even interested any more.

I am so sorry. I have no excuses; except life throws you a curve every once in awhile and I think 2003 was mine. I am so glad to see the back of that year and thought that maybe this year would be better…. Okay I'm still waiting. 

If you are still reading and if you can still follow this than thank you very much. You are wonderful!

I know this is another lame chapter but I really want them just where I want them and that takes time.

Please let me know what you think and a great big thank you to those who left reviews last time :

Severus Snape is Mine, Alina11, Mintfire, Rabble, FifthOctave, Moldanubikum, Donau, Frini, Elaine Lahey, PsycoKittyPyro, Mione1, MONKChic24, EbonyFox, Rugi, Redmond, Flewover, Lady of the Loch, Tamrissa, Chary, aPPleFrrEAk.

Thank you everyone who reads this whether you review or not.

Take care and have a great day.


	53. Friends and Family

_**Updated: March 2008. This is the last of the chapters that needed re-formating and editing. It's come up as a new chapter because of changing the earlier chapters to read better. I am working on the next chapter at the moment and hope to have it up soon.**_

A/N: I know…I know… too little too late as usual! But I have my reasons (smug grin) and they are at the end of this chapter! Please read this first though…. Thanks…

No beta-reader for this one so apology in advance.

* * *

Senga actually felt light hearted for the first time in what seemed years. Her face was hurting from too much laughing and smiling and she couldn't remember the last time she'd managed to eat so much Maple and Walnut Ice Cream.

She sighed as stretched out in the chair outside the Ice Cream Parlour in Diagon Alley. Sirius, Remus and Neville were sitting opposite her discussing something good naturedly. But Senga had tuned out a long time ago when it started to bore her; now she was occupied with watching the other customers and allowing herself to relax.

The pain in her heart was still there and she was slowly beginning to realise that it may never leave her. She had lost a part of herself that may never be regained and she had to learn to live with that, but days like this made it seem possible to carry on.

A sudden thought struck her and she sat up suddenly.

"How can I even be here?" she demanded cutting into their conversation which was seeing Sirius begin to get louder as he disagreed with Remus.

"What?" Neville looked at his watch. "We're okay for another hour or so; unless you want to go into some other shops."

Senga shook her head and sighed.

"No, I mean, how can I see this place? Muggles can't see it, so why can I?"

Neville looked blank for a moment as he considered her question and found himself stumped. He looked at Remus for help but it was Sirius who answered her.

"Because you're not a Muggle," he said simply and then sighed as he leaned forward, linking his hands together on the table.

"You may have no ability to create magic anymore but that's not to say that somewhere deep inside of you there aren't strands of it still."

"So I could maybe…" She stopped as Remus shook his head sadly.

"No, Senga. There's not enough left. It's like…" He stopped as he thought of an explanation. "Well, like this in a way." He pushed his empty Sundae glass forwards. "There is ice cream still on the sides, melted and only what my tongue can't reach…" He grinned at her. "But it's still there. Not enough to be full, not even enough to get a decent taste, but particles are still there."

Sirius looked at Remus strangely.

"Ice Cream? You're using Ice Cream to explain it?" he demanded incredulously.

"Well, you think of a better example," Remus shot back.

"I get it actually," Senga said slowly. "I'll never be one or the other. I'll be in the middle so to speak."

"Well…." Remus was now at a loss for words and looked at Sirius.

"No," said Neville, "Well, yes, but it doesn't matter." He changed himself.

"And that helps?" Sirius looked at Neville sceptically.

"Senga is not a Muggle; they have no magical inclination whatsoever. She's not a squib as she can't perform any sort of magic not even badly so that pretty much leaves her in the middle and I think it's kind of special." Neville blushed red and ducked his head over his glass desperately trying to spoon the bottom of his Ice Cream out. 

"Yes, right." Remus nodded seemingly oblivious to Neville's reaction. "In fact I don't know anyone else like you. Magic can be performed on you, as we were perfectly able to Apparate with you, which means you'll still be able to go broomstick flying, albeit tandem, and have all the other benefits, you just won't be able to perform magic." He finished slowly.

Senga contemplated their words as she chased a lone walnut around the bottom of her glass. She looked up at them and saw three faces filled with concern and it filled her with warmth that she cherished.

"You know something…" she spoke slowly and quietly, head bent back over her glass but they heard her well enough. "Ever since it really sunk in whom I was, or rather who I was going to be given Mother's ambitions, I have wanted to be rid of my magic. I hated the fact that I could be used because of it, hated the fact that there was so much pressure, and I know you'll spout off about Death Head plants and I love you for it…" She shot a quick grin at Neville. "But my name made most people scared of me." She shot them a rueful glance, "and because of things I said and did." She took a deep breath and looked at them with the beginnings of true happiness in her eyes.

"But now, I can be whoever I want to be. I can do whatever I want and, in everything I accomplish, it'll be because I worked at it, not because a Spell gave it to me." Her cheeks coloured as she finished and she held her breath. Had she said that to her mother she would now be receiving a burst of her sharp tongue and scathing put-downs; but it wasn't her mother sat in front of her.

"Well, blow me down," Sirius laughed and slapped his hand gently on the table. "You have managed to discover something that most adults don't get to realise until they are well into their dotage." He laughed. "I'm proud of you."

"You can do whatever you want. Magic can be restricting…." Remus looked at Sirius who was shaking his head with disagreement. "What?"

"Who are you kidding, restricting? What was in your Ice Cream, Remus?"

"I meant, if you'd let me finish," he added pointedly but good naturedly. "That Wizards and Witches can often become lazy; take yourself as a prime example, when was the last time you ever made yourself a cup of tea, tidied your abysmally untidy house, or even did any gardening without using your wand?"

"And how is using a wand for these things restricting?" inquired Sirius archly.

"Oh, yes!" Senga sat up and nodded and she caught on quickly to the last example. "You have no idea how much fun it can be to plant something with your hands and feed it, water it, and watch it grow knowing it's only you and not magic." She looked at Neville for agreement. 

"I'm with her on this one," he laughed. "Have to be really; considering my choice of occupation."

"There; out numbered three to one. Must be your turn to buy the Hot Chocolates," Remus grinned at Sirius who held his hands up in resignation.

"I still think your choice of words was wrong, but who am I. Off I go and procure another round of Hot Chocolates. At this rate, Remus we'll have to re-enforce your broomstick." He got up and clapped a hand onto his friend's slender shoulder.

Senga snorted loudly and rescued the Walnut with her fingers and popped it into her mouth, happy and content that she had the best friends in the world.

* * *

Lucifer wrinkled his nose and looked around him in disdain.

"How… quaint," he managed as Lucius, with a similar expression on his face, raised his cane and pressed the doorbell with the end.

"Why did he choose here of all places?" Lucifer looked down at the path and wished it wouldn't be too conspicuous to levitate several inches from the ground, for Merlin only knew what kind of Muggle diseases ran rampant under his feet.

"It's too protected to just walk in," Lucius mused when there was no answer from within.

"Father?"

Lucifer turned sharply, for a few seconds he had thought it was Damien that was behind him, but no surprise showed on his face when he saw Senga stood at the bottom of the pathway with an older man behind her that he recognised as Remus Lupin.

Senga was so taken aback at seeing her father and uncle that all she could do was stare at them open-mouthed. All sorts of emotions were racing through her. Had he finally come to see how she was? Did he care after all? Senga felt a flare of hope start in her chest as she took a tentative step forwards.

"Morgana." Lucifer noticed how she had grown another couple of inches and had filled out considerably since he had last seen her. She was still slender but the gangly lankiness had gone and he could see a glimpse of the beauty she would have when she was older. Before he even knew what he was doing he found himself taking a step towards her.

"We came to see your uncle," his tone was clipped and formal as he recovered himself his back straightening.

Senga felt the flare of hope die leaving her hollow inside. She schooled her face refusing to let him see how he had hurt her. Of course he wouldn't be here for her. How stupid could she get? He'd never much cared for her before why on earth did she imagine he'd start now.

Remus placed his hand on her shoulder and she was suddenly glad of his presence. Neville and Sirius had said goodbye in Diagon Alley leaving Remus to bring her home. She took a deep breath and moved forwards taking her key from her pocket.

"I don't know if Uncle Severus is in, but Aunt Meg should be," she replied coolly and moved past them to the front door Remus close on her heels eyeing the two wizards with hard distrustful eyes.

She unlocked the door and stepped inside. She didn't care if they followed or not so she moved forwards knowing Remus was right behind her anyway.

She was suddenly stopped by a hand on her arm; she looked up and was surprised to see it was her father holding her back. His eyes were alert and his nostrils slightly flared, as if sniffing the air, as he looked down the corridor.

"Wait here," he instructed her carefully.

"Now look here!" Remus stepped forward and found himself facing Lucius' wand.

Senga stepped closer to Remus and shook her head, experience had told her that her father had realised something was wrong and she knew it would be better to do as he said.

Lucifer stepped forward and she saw his wand slide down his sleeve and into his hand.

"What's happened?" demanded Remus his own wand in his hand.

"Something is not right. I can feel dark magic here," Lucifer replied not looking back and speaking more to Lucius than them.

"Odile?" Lucius moved after his brother and the two of them walked through the corridor to the kitchen.

Lucifer came back and looked at Remus with a dark frown on his face.

"There's no one here now, but someone has been here and made rather a mess." He looked down at Senga.

"What's going on?" demanded Remus again as Senga pushed past them and went into the kitchen. The sight that greeted her made her blood run cold; she pressed a hand to her mouth as she took in the broken furniture and crockery all over the place. It looked as if a herd of elephants had stampeded through the kitchen. With a cry of dismay she saw Clarity's highchair overturned. She rushed forwards and saw with horror a fresh pool of blood on the flooring.

"Professor Lupin!" She turned quickly as all three of them came into the kitchen. Remus crossed to where the stain was. He didn't say a word just put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close.

Lucifer stepped forward and then looked back at Lucius.

"It's recent. Where would Snape take them to protect them?"

"Albus Dumbledore," Remus said instantly.

"Too far," Lucifer shook his head. "If she's been here he won't have had the time."

"Uncle Jack?" Senga said and was dismayed when her voice shook.

"Luicfer," Lucius voice was cold and hard. "Check the residue of magic in here."

Lucifer looked at him in question but did as he asked him.

"Odile hasn't been here," he said after a few minutes. "There is no magic in here which would match hers and I know hers well enough."

Senga frowned at them and looked up at Remus.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, Morgana that your mother was not directly responsible for this mess but someone else was. However, I have no doubt she was behind it." Her father spoke coldly as he looked at her. "We need to find who was responsible for this and how."

"Why are you here? Why are you doing this?" asked Remus suddenly.

Lucius sneered coldly at him.

"What's that dreadful Muggle expression; _Don't look a gift horse in the mouth_?" he shook his head slowly, his long white hair swung around his face. "It's enough for you to know that we have a vested interest in seeing Snape and his don't get harmed in anyway."

"He'll never join you again," Remus said firmly.

"Oddly enough, that's not our goal," Lucifer replied carefully.

"You want to see Mother suffer," Senga said suddenly looking directly at her father.

He lifted an eyebrow at her and smiled smugly.

"Well done. I take it you know."

"That you aren't my real father?" She knew that Remus was unaware of most of this, but it wasn't his reaction that she was watching. "I've known for a long time."

"I take it Snape told you. And did he also tell you that you are no longer a Malfoy in name either?"

Confusion showed on her face giving him the answer.

"Severus and his wife are your adoptive parents; have been for weeks. I personally signed the forms myself as did your mother."

Senga felt as if the room swayed violently as his words sunk in. He hadn't wanted her, neither of them had and they had willingly signed her away like some sorry load of baggage.

Hands held her up as the blood drained away from her head leaving her feeling feint.

"What kind of man are you?" hissed Remus angrily.

The blood came back to Senga's head as his words sank in properly.

"So Uncle Severus and Aunt Meg are my adoptive mother and father?" she asked slowly her eyes intent on her fathers.

He nodded at her, no emotion showing whatsoever on his face.

"I'm glad," she said quietly. "Parents I can be proud of." She grinned at him slowly and for several seconds it was Odile grinning at him. "Thank you, Mister Malfoy."

Remus looked down at her in surprise as Lucifer raised an eyebrow.

"I think you will be happier," he said slowly. "But this is not doing the job at hand. Take her somewhere safe and wait to hear from us. Do not contact the ministry." He commanded an angry Remus.

Remus opened his mouth to argue when Senga stepped forward.

"I want to go with you. She has my parents." Her voice was cold and hard.

Lucius barked with laughter and shook his head.

"This isn't the time for little girls." He inclined his head. "Had you not destroyed your magic I might have considered it for you certainly had a formidable gift, but as you are? You would merely get in the way."

"Well. There's really no need to argue about it all. I'll come to you," came a low dark voice from the top of the stairs.

They looked up, wands raised as one as Snape came down the stairs slowly, blood seeping from a wound on his forehead and a cut on his cheek.

"Uncle Severus!" Senga darted forward towards him and gave a cry of pain when Lucifer reacted instantly and gripped a handful of her hair yanking her back behind him.

"Stay here silly girl," he hissed. "Get her out of here, Lupin."

Remus gripped her arm and backed away towards the door. He knew he'd have to get her outside to Apparate as the only people who could do so in the house were family.

"No. She stays," Snape said coldly and lifted his hand his wand aimed directly at her.

"Uncle?" Senga looked up at him and realised that although it was her uncle stood there something wasn't right. His eyes were a cold black and his face was blank, his manner was rigid and stiff, as if he was being controlled by something they couldn't see or hear.

"What has she done to you, Snape?" Lucifer narrowed his eyes as he watched Snape closely.

"Infinite Cardarium," Snape hissed the words and Lucius only just managed to deflect the spell that would have rendered them with endless agony.

Lucifer combated with one of his own that Snape deflected easily and returned with more force. Remus dragged Senga behind him and covered her with his body as he threw curses of his own at Snape, ones meant to immobilise him and not like the ones the Malfoys were sending that were meant to do him much harm.

Senga was struggling to understand what was going on. She wrenched away from Remus and dashed back into the kitchen still aware of the angry shouts of spells being cast. It seemed as if the whole house was shaking as Snape managed to deflect or avoid every spell sent his way. Inhumane speed gave him the means to volt the stairs and cast a spell at Lucifer who was hit dead centre and fell to the floor rolling in agony.

Senga peered through the doorway, her heart thundered in her chest as she saw Snape backing towards the kitchen door still throwing curse after curse.

She looked around her and thinking quickly grabbed the first heavy object she could find and righted a chair behind the door. She jumped up onto the chair clutching the heavy frying pan just as Snape came backing into the room casting spell after spell that had now brought Remus down as well.

She lifted the pan and brought it cracking down on top of Snape's head. At first she thought it hadn't worked and then he wavered slightly and crumpled to the floor unconscious, the spell Lucius had thrown at him went hurtling over his head harmlessly.

Lucius stood in the door and looked from Senga who was still clutching the pan to Snape who was crumpled at his feet.

"Well, well, who would have thought a little girl could make a difference," he murmured and quickly cast bonds on Snape before turning and ending the spells on Lucifer and Remus. He turned back, reached down and removed Snape's wand from his now limp hand.

Remus came staggering into the kitchen followed by Lucifer who was rubbing the spot on his chest his face a grimace of remembered pain.

"Bastard got me," he spat and taking another chair sat down quickly.

Remus took the pan from Senga and helped her down.

"What do we do now?" asked Senga.

Lucius bent over the form of Snape and tilted his head back. He muttered a spell and Snape's eyes opened wide, the green haze in them clear to see.

"He's possessed," he stated simply. "We'll need something strong and pure to hold the charm when it's released."

Lucifer got up immediately and looking around suddenly spotted a glass milk bottle that had been washed and cleaned and amazingly remained unbroken.

"This will do if we seal it magically," he replied and crouched beside his brother.

Senga held Remus' hand and they watched quietly as both Lucifer and Lucius began to chant quietly, their wands pointed at Snape's face.

A green hazy smoke began to seep from his eyes, nose and mouth. Lucifer directed it with his wand into the bottle and then they sealed it with a spell.

"There, should be back to his usual nasty self," Lucius said coolly to Lucifer.

"He's quite formidable; knows more spells now than he knew back then."

"Quite," Lucius replied dryly. "Now do you see why I prefer the settled version?"

"Indeed."

"What about Meg and the baby?" demanded Remus.

"We bring him around and hope to hear that it's not too late," Lucifer replied coldly.

Senga gave a sob, in all that had happened she hadn't even begun to think that something fatal had happened to them. She had seen the blood but even that hadn't made her think anyone had been killed. She had merely thought that blood had been shed as Snape had saved them.

She looked down at her uncle, unsure how she felt to know that it was him that had tried to kill, or even maybe had succeeded in killing her aunt and Clarity. She closed her eyes and refused to believe they were dead. It had to end better than that surely.

She watched as Lucifer brought Snape round slowly. He was disorientated and groggy from the pain in his head and the after affects of the possession.

Remus still had his arm around her and for that she was grateful.

Snape looked up finally and frowned when he saw the four faces all looking at him; two with concern and two with sneering amusement.

"She caught you well, didn't she old man," Lucifer said watching as recognition flooded through Snape as he remembered everything from being possessed to just before Senga slammed him with something heavy. Guilt and worry flooded his face.

"Megan!" He staggered to his feet ignoring the hand Remus held out to him.

"Where is Aunt Meg?" Senga asked slowly, not wanting to hear the worst but needing to know.

"I don't know; she got away, just before you all came in. She managed to get away, she distracted me and Apparated."

"And Clarity?" Senga asked, holding her breath.

"With Megan," Snape said and pressed a hand to his head as blood began to seep from the cut Senga had given him.

"Where would she have gone?" Remus asked him carefully.

"I don't know; but they were unhurt. She may have gone to Jack's." He shook his head and then suddenly his face cleared as he locked eyes with Lucifer.

"I know where she is," he said and his voice was cold and hard. "Are you coming with me?"

Lucifer grinned at the dark hatred burning in Snape's eyes and nodded.

"Oh yes, Severus, yes, indeed."

Snape looked at Remus and down at Senga. He softened and not caring what anyone thought he caught Senga to him in a tight hug. He buried his face into her neck and pressed his mouth to her ear.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. Senga began to sob quietly as she wound her arms around his neck and clung to him.

"I'm going to finish this, Senga. You do know that don't you; I can't allow her to try something like this again."

"Will she go to Azkaban?" asked Senga as he set her back from him. Lucifer snorted but Snape ignored him.

"The ministry will send her to Azkaban," he replied and Senga didn't realise then that he hadn't actually answered her question. Merely told her what the ministry would do if they got her, not what he'd do if he got her.

"Take Senga to Jack's please, Remus," Snape said and looked at the man over Senga's head.

"Yes. I'll start looking for Meg if she isn't there."

"Thank you." Snape acknowledged his help with a nod and backed away from them both.

"Ready?" Snape looked at Lucifer and Lucius who merely nodded. Their faces were intent, an evil glint in their eyes that told Remus they were about to enjoy themselves.

A shiver ran down his spine as he drew Senga to the door.

"Will he be alright?" asked Senga as Remus lead her down the path intent on getting to the alleyway so they could safely Apparate in without being seen.

"Who, Severus?" Remus smiled down at her but it didn't cover the worry in his eyes "He's come across worse than your mother. He'll be fine."

Senga didn't reply but she wasn't so certain herself. Worry lines settled between her eyes.

Things had looked so good and rosy this morning and now things were worse than ever.

She just wanted it to all end, to stop.

A/N: Okay. Please accept my apologies as to why it's taken me so long but there have been reasons.

Firstly I've got some great news! I'm 14 weeks pregnant. That's the major reason why I haven't uploaded or indeed done any writing. It's only been the last couple of days that I've stopped feeling so sick and tired. I was fine in the mornings but then towards the end of the day when I normally do my typing etc I just couldn't function. I've been going to bed just after my little girl for the last seven weeks! (7.30pm!)

But things are looking up. I'm not so tired or sick and my interest is returning in my stories (At one point I couldn't even put the computer on without feeling sick! I think it was the movement of the screen or something.)

So hopefully full service should resume shortly!

Having said that, this chapter to me seems lame. I've been mulling over it and this has been drafted twice already and I'm not certain I put enough into the fight with Snape. I didn't want him to do any major damage until he confronts Odile, but at the same time I thought I'd better get something up on screen or everyone will think I've given up. I would have left an Author Note but gets snotty over them and I didn't want to give them a reason to shut down my account.

By the way can anyone explain their last comments on Author's notes. What is keyboard chat etc?

A really really big thank you to everyone who has reviewed and been encouraging me to keep going. I promise this will definitely be finished before the big event (which, by the way, is 5th of November! If you live in the UK you'll know what I mean by going up with a big bang!).

Again I'd like to respond to everyone but if I do that it'll be ages before I can pin this one up!

So thank you for reading, keeping with me and encouraging me. You're great guys!

Have a great day wherever you are.


	54. At Jack's

A/N: Usual disclaimer: I own nothing.

I hope that if anyone reads this and is still interested then you enjoy it.

I'm just sorry it's taken me so long.

* * *

They were in a triangle shape, each backed against the other, wands raised and alert, clever eyes watchful as they entered into Snape Manor. No one moved as they searched the surrounding area of the Great Hall they had entered.

"She'll use any and all means," Lucifer spoke calmly. "We stick together, for she'll use each of us against the other."

"It's just like old times," mused Lucius with dry amusement.

"Then let's use the original word," Snape spoke softly.

Lucius lifted an eyebrow as he remembered the word they had agreed on many years before. It was a word only they knew and they had used it many times at meetings; for when hooded and cloaked all the Deatheaters had looked the same.

"I'm not privy to that," Lucifer said dryly. "Too young and stupid I believe was your answer to my demands to be told, brother."

"Indeed you were." Lucius smirked but his cold eyes were watchful as they still stood in a close group.

"Listen." Lucius moved sideways, his eyes never leaving the part of the room he faced. He spoke softly, so softly that not even Snape could hear, but Lucifer heard well and snorted.

"Well, well, and here was I thinking it was something actually intelligent."

"To fifteen year olds it was," Snape smirked quietly. "Let's move forwards; the view here is rather boring."

"She's pre-empted us here," Lucifer said suddenly. "And I don't like it."

"You had plans?" Snape asked as they began to move carefully through the hall.

"Of course, nice, bloody ones that would lead right back to her and far from us," Lucius said and a hint of impatience coloured his voice. "Inconsiderate of her to ruin things."

"Damned inconsiderate," agreed Lucifer.

"Oh, but I disagree, Lucifer my dear," came a cold high voice. All three of them froze as they searched for Odile.

Part of the tapestry at the end of the hall seemed to shimmer slightly as Odile moved forwards, loosing the glamour spell that had cloaked her against the wall.

"Smoothly done," Snape said quietly. The curl of hate that had formed deep in his gut began to unfurl and grow as he watched his sister step forwards.

"Inconsiderate is what _you_ have been, Severus." She shook her head in mock sadness. "I suppose you spoiled my little game and broke the curse." She looked at her husband with unconcealed hatred that would have made a weaker man tremble.

"Of course." He smirked. "And by now you must realise that by failing in your attempt to use Snape you now have three of us to deal with."

Odile tapped long blood red nails against equally blood red lips.

"Oh, I don't think so." She battered her eyelashes at him and turned to look at Snape.

"You couldn't do it," she said firmly. "You couldn't kill me."

Snape raised one black eyebrow never letting his wand lower.

"You are labouring under a misunderstanding then," he replied smoothly. "My only regret will be that I didn't do this sooner."

She shrugged slim black covered shoulders and placed her palms together bringing the tips of her fingers to her chin. "Please tell me what you have in store for me. I'm simply _dying_ to know what to expect."

"An excellent choice of words, my dear," said Lucifer and whisked his wand up, a curse leaving his lips before his wand was even pointed at her fully.

There was no way she would have time to react and sure enough she merely stood there as the curse flew towards her and hit her directly in the stomach. She shrieked stumbling back two steps before looking at Lucifer in mock shock.

"I thought you loved me," she gasped and then began to laugh evilly as she looked down at where the curse had left a perfectly round hole in her midsection.

"Confounded woman!" Lucifer bellowed when it became apparent that it wasn't Odile stood in front of them.

Snape bent sideways to look straight through where her stomach had been to the tapestry behind her.

"That was a thirteenth century tapestry; quite irreplaceable," he drawled boredly before stepping around the enchanted form of his sister to stare in mild dismay at the large burning section of the embroidered wall hanging. "Perfectly hideous, of course, but still, it was irreplaceable."

"You knew?" asked Lucifer in surprise.

Snape turned to look at him in ill-concealed contempt.

"Did you honestly expect her to hand herself over to us like that?" he sneered and looked at where Lucius was contemplating the still laughing image of Odile.

"I did wonder," Lucius mused before stepping forward. "Quite a remarkable feat really."

The image of Odile stopped laughing and faced Lucius.

"Why, thank you, Lucius. I do believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." She half bowed and placed a hand over the hole in her stomach.

"Please excuse me for awhile. I really must change into something more comfortable; this doesn't suit me at all and I really want to impress." The enchanted image began to fade and then disappeared leaving only a feint residual of magic behind.

"Where is she, Snape?" Lucifer demanded. He was angry at being fooled so easily and angry that she was one up on them.

"Well, quite obviously she's not here!" Snape spat and rounded on them both. "She must have been alerted when the curse was lifted from me. She must have left the moment she set that spell up." Horror dawned on his face as it sank in where she really was.

"Your wife and child," Lucifer said quietly seeing the recognition on Snape's face.

"I'll kill her," Snape snarled.

* * *

Meg banged on the door with one hand while the other hand clutched a screaming Clarity to her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder worriedly and banged again frantically.

"Jack! Hilary!" She shouted loudly banging on the door again.

"Woah! Sis, what on earth is the matter?"

She heard Jack's voice come from above and she stepped back to look up at where Jack was leaning out of the bedroom window. He looked slightly disorientated and dishevelled, as if he'd just got out of bed.

"Jack, thank Merlin! Let us in, please, quickly."

"What's wrong? What's happened?" He suddenly realised the state his sister was in and without waiting for an answer he disappeared inside. She heard the sound of his feet pounding down the stairs and then the front door was wrenched open.

"Jack, thank Merlin!" She stumbled past him still clutching a screaming Clarity.

"Megan?" Jack watched as his sister closed her eyes and tried hard to comfort the baby.

"Something's happened with Severus. He's not himself; something has happened to him."

"Megan, slowly start from the beginning." Jack took her arm and led through to the sitting area.

* * *

Remus was taken aback when the door flew open and a worried looking Jack stood there. His eyes took in Senga and relief flooded his face. He reached forwards and caught the girl to him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank Merlin, you're alright," he muttered into her hair before looking up at Remus. "What happened?"

"Severus was possessed…"

"Was?" Meg appeared behind Jack. She reached forwards and brought Senga towards her. "Are you sure you're not hurt? What do you mean _was,_ Remus?" She checked over Senga who was feeling a little overwhelmed at the amount of concern coming her way.

"The Malfoys'…" Remus blew out his breath and then taking a deep breath told them exactly and concisely what had happened as they all made their way back into the house. Clarity had finally settled and was now fast asleep on the settee carefully guarded by Senga. Jack looked at Senga with pride as he heard how she had belted Snape over the head with the frying pan.

"So where have they gone to look for her?" Meg asked Remus with worry.

Remus shrugged and ran his hand through his hair in worry. "I think we definitely need to contact the ministry over this."

"Agreed," Jack said standing up. "I'll owl them straight away." Before he could move, the door to the house was blown off at the hinges, making Clarity wake up screaming.

"What the bloody…"

"A family get together how quaint," came the icy tones of Odile as she stepped into the living room, showing no signs of having just walked through the burning remains of the front of Jack's house.

"You can't possibly think you'll get away with this!" Remus cried as he drew his wand, Jack and Meg following suit very quickly. Odile lifted a hand and without even saying a word all three wands went zooming through the air to be caught in her slender hand.

"I'm past the point of caring one way or the other. As long as… shut that baby up or I will!" Odile shrieked and for one moment Meg saw her composure crack slightly. Odile raised her wand hand, with a shriek Meg lunged forwards to stop her; but she was too late and the spell left Odile's lips before she could reach her. Meg spun to see Senga throw herself in front of Clarity taking the full effect of the curse meant for Clarity. It all seemed to happen so fast after that; Meg watched in horror as Senga collapsed to the floor not moving. A murderous rage filled Meg that made her vision cloud with red. She turned and using Odile's momentary surprise at her daughter's sacrifice, she launched herself on the older woman. Taken by surprise she tried to aim her wand at Meg, but Meg was acting purely on rage now. She grabbed Odile's wrist and twisted her arm up and away from her, the curse hitting the ceiling harmlessly.

"You evil witch!" Meg shrieked and brought her other hand up in a fist, landing a solid punch to Odile's chin that made her head flip back. Meg didn't wait and brought her foot forwards to sweep Odile's feet out from under her. Using Odile's downward momentum Meg wrenched the wands from her hand and without even thinking of using one she threw them to the side. She threw herself down on the woman, taking a firm grip of her hair with one hand and repeatedly slapping her face open handed as hard as she could.

"Megan!" Hands gripped her and pulled her backwards as Remus threw a binding curse at Odile.

"You fools!" Odile cried spitting blood from her mouth. She muttered an incantation and the invisible bonds were broken immediately. "You have no idea who you're dealing with." Odile started to get to her feet when Jack stepped forward and threw an immobilising curse at her; she lifted her hand and blocked the curse effortlessly.

"I'm a black witch, I do not need my wand, foolish wand waving indeed," she laughed.

"And can you block this?" Meg asked and sank her booted foot into her stomach with all her might, making her crumple back onto the floor, coughing in pain. "I'm not a pureblood." Before Odile could stand again Meg grabbed the fire place poker and cracked it around Odile's head.

"I don't need a wand either, bitch!" She saw Odile's surprise register just before her eyes closed and she crumpled to the floor unconscious.

"Bloody hell, Megan!" Jack gripped her wrist when she pulled it back to take another swing at the now unconscious Odile.

Meg suddenly realised what she was about to do and let Jack take the poker as she stared at him.

"It's over, she's down," he said with relief taking the poker from her.

"Senga needs help…." Remus was bending over Senga; he had retrieved his wand and placed a sleeping spell on Clarity who was curled fast asleep again on the couch.

Meg's attention went straight to them but before she could even take a step towards them, there was a commotion in the doorway and Steven and Benjy came through the door with their wands raised.

"What the blazes happened here?" Steven asked taking in the bloody form of Odile Malfoy on the floor.

"She needs binding properly before she wakes up, she can use her magic without a wand," Jack said quickly. "I don't know enough about that sort of thing…"

"I do!" Snape stepped around Steven glaring down at his sister.

"We can't allow you to use black magic, Professor Snape."

"Senga needs help NOW!" Remus shouted. "She has to get to St. Mungo's!"

"We can Apparate from here. The wards, for what they were worth, are well and truly down now," Jack stated and stepped forwards with Meg.

"Take her, go!" Steven instructed Remus. Remus nodded and with a pop Apparated taking Senga's crumpled form with him.

"I thought she'd killed her, I thought she was dead." Meg's voice cracked and her knees suddenly gave out. Snape took one step forward and caught her before she hit the ground. He drew her up against him and held her tightly.

"Megan, I am so sorry," he whispered into her hair.

"We have to…" Whatever Steven was about to say was cut off by Odile's hand lifting to point towards him and the curse leaving her lips.

"_Avada…."_

"_Kavarda!"_

A green light shot through the room; Meg slipped to the floor as Snape drew his wand and pushed her downwards at the same time.

Meg peered up through her tangled hair anxiously at Snape, but he was still standing. It was so quiet and Meg knew the curse had hit, she just didn't know who had been hit.

"I do believe I've just saved his life, Lucius." came an eloquent, cultured voice.

"So it would seem, brother."

Steven turned in astonished wonder as Lucifer and Lucius Malfoy came into the room. Lucifer was putting his wand away and looking down at the dead form of his ex-wife.

"You killed her…" Steven knew he was being stupid, but the near death experience was not doing his nerves much good. And neither was the knowledge of who his saviour was.

"It was the only answer, I'm afraid, and one that I would not normally even dream of using. But you see, Odile Snape is, sorry, was extremely dangerous and was an accomplished Black Witch. Normal ministry procedures would have had no effect on her; in fact she would have had all of you wrapped up nicely between you, well nearly all of you."

Lucius shot Snape a smirk at his brothers words; they both knew full well that Snape had been going to kill her before Steven had stopped him earlier.

Steven blinked several times before looking at where Benjy was also recovering from his shock. He stepped forwards to the lifeless form of Odile and looked down at her.

"I'm not sure we can angle for self-defence," he said and looked up at Lucifer Malfoy. "Her wand was aimed at Steven."

"Of course it wasn't self-defence, you fool," Lucius snapped. "It was damned heroic, that's what it was. Good Merlin, man, he killed his own wife to save your partner's skin!"

"I think we should deal with this later. I need to take my wife and daughter to St. Mungo's. I must see Senga." Snape looked down at Meg and added, "What curse did she use on her?"

"I think… she muttered it, but I think she tried to severe her vocal cords. Severus, she aimed at Clarity and Senga threw herself in front." She pulled away from him and crossed to pick Clarity up into her arms, cradling her gently. "We must go, Severus."

"Go," Steven waved them away. "Aurors are most probably on their way as we speak anyway. It registered when the Dark Magic was cast here, the Killing Curse will have set every alarm off they have!"

"I will come with you," Lucifer spoke to Snape.

Lucius looked up sharply before a small smile quirked his lips. He stepped forwards and placed his hand on Lucifer's shoulder.

"_We_ shall go with them."

* * *

"It's over, isn't it?" Meg looked up at where Snape was stood by the waiting room window; his arms were folded, his hands clutching his elbows. He turned his head slightly, his hook nose only just showing past the curtain of black hair that hung around his face.

"If you mean Odile, then yes, it is over. Not even she can compete with death, thank Merlin." His voice was deep but blank of any emotion.

"Severus, what's troubling you?" Meg knew that it was far more than the knowledge of Senga being injured. "Are you upset that Odile is dead? I mean, I know that blood is thicker than water after all."

"If I am to be upset over Odile's death, it would only be because it was not me than dealt the blow."

Meg's eyebrows rose sharply at the icy cold tone that his words were delivered with. She uncrossed her legs and rested her elbows on the arms of the chair she was sitting in.

"Severus…"

"Megan." He turned sharply from the window and Meg could see quite clearly the harsh emotions in his face, belying is earlier blank tone. He was anguished over something.

"Severus, Senga is going to be okay. You heard them as well as I did, the spell was reversible, she'll be able to talk again just as well as she did."

Snape crossed the room and sunk to his knees at her feet. He gripped her knees tightly and closed his eyes briefly before looking back at her in sheer torment.

"Megan, have you forgotten so quickly?"

Meg racked her brains to try and about what they had argued over last, but nothing that bad jumped to mind so she merely shrugged at him.

"I was going to kill you, Megan, kill you, Clarity and Senga."

"No you weren't." Meg saw it all clearly then but she made no move to touch him.

"I have the bump on the back of my head to prove that Senga had to hit me," he retorted dryly.

"Remus told me what happened. You opened that bottle, didn't you?"

Snape sighed deeply and letting go of her knees he sank back on his legs. He brought his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I was a bloody fool," he whispered. "I don't even really remember opening it; just that it was like I was trapped inside myself. I knew exactly what I was doing, but I just couldn't stop myself."

"You didn't try to kill us, Severus, it was the spell. Lucius said it was like the Imperious Curse but much more subtle and more intense. Some people can overcome Imperious, but no one can resist this one, not even Harry Potter." She watched for his lips to curl in derision of the boy's name but he shook his head in self-disgust. "Severus, the moment I saw you, I knew it wasn't you, I knew that something was wrong. I didn't know what, but I knew it was not really you. Severus, stop beating yourself up over this; everything is just fine, just as it was meant to be."

"And if Senga wasn't such a good hit? What if you hadn't managed to get away from me?"

"What if." Meg shook her head. "What ifs' are useless, Severus. It didn't happen that way, and there is no need for you to torture yourself."

"How can you sit there so calmly and accept what I tried to do to you? You warned me that she could use me and I never believed you. How could you ever trust me again, Megan?"

"Now who's being dramatic?" She smiled softly at him to take the sting from her words. "I love you, Severus Snape, every single part of you. I trust you implicitly, I haven't always, this you know, but I do now and I always will. She used a spell that was completely beyond your control. What if it had been me to open the bottle? What would you say to me? Would you hold me responsible?"

"No, of course not," he snapped. "But that's completely beside the point. You could easily be fooled by her; you have no knowledge of how she is. I knew her, and yet she still fooled me."

"Well, congratulations, Severus, you've just discovered that you're not infallible. Don't worry though, I won't let it get further than this room, you can still fool the students."

"Don't be flippant, Megan, it's unbecoming," he retorted sharply.

"Well, then stop beating yourself up; we both discovered something today!"

"What did you discover?"

"Something you've been telling me for months. That when it comes to family, there is no line." He frowned at her, not understanding her words. She reached forwards and cupped his cheeks with her hands. "Have a look, Severus, look into my mind, I know you can do it; but it's not pretty, but I'd do it again."

Reaching out gently with his mind, he slipped easily into her memories of arriving at Jack's and then everything that occurred after. She wasn't fighting him in anyway and although she saw it too, she refused to let it affect her enough to try and push him away. She wanted him to see this now, not later in a pensieve, but now.

She felt him leave her mind, a gently calming sweep across her soul that made her sigh deeply. When she focused on his face she was surprised to see a mingled look of pride and love there.

"You are formidable in a physical fight. Remind me to remove the poker from the fireplace when we get home."

Meg tried to smile but grimaced instead. "If it hadn't been for Jack, I would have hit her again, and again. I had a red haze over my eyes; I had no idea that "seeing red" was literal, I was so angry with her. I would have killed her and felt no regret."

"You were defending your own, Megan. Most people in the same situation would have done something similar."

"Yup, I worked that one out myself, about an hour ago," she said proudly. "It's not who I am normally, I know that. I'm human, imperfect, with all the weirdness that goes with it. I guess you are too, so if you can put up knowing that I can make mistakes and get that way, I _know_ that I can forget that you make mistakes."

He smiled at her and brought her down onto his lap to hold her tightly, his lips searching for and finding her own. Several minutes passed until a cough broke them apart.

"Sorry to break things up," Remus laughed, not in the least sorry at all. "Do you know that the two Malfoy's are outside Senga's room?"

Snape helped Meg back onto the seat and then stood up before replying to Remus.

"Yes, I was aware." He stepped forwards and frowned at Remus. "I owe you an apology, Remus. Several of those curses were meant to inflict real pain."

"One of them did!" Remus replied cheerfully. "Don't worry, just caused I missed each time doesn't mean you wouldn't have been hurting too. You don't have to be sorry, Severus, I know she was your sister, but she was a real bitch. She's the true cause of every single pain you've all been through this past year or so."

"They have just informed me, that Morgana has just woken up," came Lucifer's voice from behind Remus shoulder.

They turned to look at where he was standing in the doorway looking at little shell-shocked. He blinked several times and stepped backwards to let them through.

"Have you already been in?" asked Snape as he passed him.

"Not since she awoke, I looked in earlier when she was still unconscious. I will take my leave now. I have been reliably informed that she will recover completely."

Meg watched as Lucius moved forwards slightly and placed a hand under his elbow. She knew that none of the others could see, and that it was only her position and height that let her see. She bit her lip and then stepped forwards slightly.

"Won't you wait until you have spoken to her?" she asked, ignoring the slight sneer that always seemed to grace their lips. "She would like that."

Lucifer rose one eyebrow at her, the sneer just slightly dimming.

"I suppose we can wait for a few more minutes," he said casually, feeling the silent support his brother offered.

"You can come in with us," Snape said, hiding his reluctance well. Meg had suggested it, so she must be aware of something he wasn't; he also knew that Meg was far more in touch with how Senga would feel that he was. He just hoped she was right.

"After you," Lucifer indicated his head to the closed door of her room.

Senga was sitting up staring out of the window when the door opened. She turned and her face showed her delight at seeing her Uncle and Megan come in. She grinned openly when she saw Remus; but it faltered when she saw her father and Lucius enter the room behind Remus. She was confused and not ready for the stab of pain seeing her father brought her.

"Senga." Meg descended on her and kissed her forehead, smoothing her hair away from her eyes and fussing over the covers.

Snape stooped and bestowed a kiss on her head before moving to stand silently beside her. Remus followed suit and then turned to cross to the window.

Senga watched as her father hesitated slightly, before moving forward and placing his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm pleased to see you are unaffected," he murmured and stepped back sharply.

Senga smiled shakily and then looked at her Aunt with a worried grin.

"Where's Clarity? Is she alright too?"

"She's fine." Meg reassured her and patted her hand, surprised and pleased when Senga caught her hand and didn't let go.

"Jack has her and as we speak, she is probably winding him around her little finger," Snape drawled.

A commotion from the door made everyone turn. Neville came stumbling into the room, tripped over the chair by the door and only just righted himself by grabbing hold of Lucifer. Lucifer shook him off with a snarl and brushed his arm down, glaring at the man. Neville tool no notice and hurried forwards to Senga, still a bit oblivious to how many people were in the room.

"Are you alright? I just heard from Ron, who heard it from Steven. Are you okay?" He worriedly plopped himself down on the bottom of the bed and ran a dirty hand through his hair. It was obvious he had just come from a garden somewhere, as dirt and soil clung to him in various places, falling off him to scatter over the covers.

"I'm fine, thanks." Senga grinned at his appearance. The look of worry cleared from his face and it suddenly sank him just who was in the room. He jumped to his feet again blushing fire red as he stared around him.

"She is fine and will remain that way, unless you choose to bury her in all the soil you seem to have brought with you," came Snape's drawl.

Neville looked at the bed and tried to brush it off, but just made it worse as his hands were covered still. Megan looked up at Snape and catching his eye raised her eyebrow. She silently mouthed _"She's fourteen, marry her off to him.". _Snape snorted and glared down at her, his eyes narrowing. Meg laughed and looked up to see Lucifer looking straight at her with a speculative look in his eyes. The grin fell from her lips but she refused to look away. He lifted one eyebrow and a small grin tugged at his lips before he looked down at Senga.

"I have to be leaving, some business to finish up at the ministry. I am glad you are well…" he hesitated, patted her arm cautiously and moved towards the door with Lucius beside him.

"Will I see you again?" Senga called out, her grip on Meg's hand tightened as she waited. At first she didn't think he was going to reply, but he turned in the doorway and looked straight at her. A smile graced his lips as he inclined his head.

"I rather think you may, if that is what you wish… Senga," he spoke quietly, but everyone heard him, included Senga who sighed and smiled back at him.

"I rather think it is," she replied and sighed again when he inclined his head and went out shutting the door after them.

Senga looked up at Snape and reached out to catch his hand. "Do you think I made a mistake?"

"No," Snape spoke quietly. "You are not beholden to him in anyway, Senga, neither legally nor emotionally. It is completely up to you if you choose to see him."

Senga looked at Neville and raised her eyebrows at him in question.

"He called you, Senga," he said quietly and shrugged. "You'll never know unless you try I guess."

A sudden thought occurred to Meg and she again caught Severus's eye. He seemed to know what she was thinking and nodded his head.

"We need to speak with Senga on her own," he said and looked at Remus and Neville. They nodded and after kissing and promising to visit her they left the room.

Senga looked up at Snape and sighed. "I guess she's dead then," she said flatly.

Snape squatted beside her squeezing her hand gently. "Yes, she is."

Senga looked at their joined hands and then shrugged. "And at least this way we know we're safe. I'm glad really, she would have hated Azkaban." She bit her lip before beginning to cry.

Snape sat up beside her and drew her into his arms as she cried nosily into his chest. His eyes met Meg's, she shook her head sadly and moved to sit beside them. She placed her hand on Senga's back and stroked gently, resting her own head against Snape's.

"We'll always be here for you, Senga, no matter what." Snape whispered quietly.

A/N: Wow, I don't know who is reading now and who can't be bothered anymore. I really wouldn't blame anyone for not getting this far, but if you have, then thank you very much.

I just hope that you enjoyed it.

I have one more chapter and then it's the end. I'm away for a week now, so I hope to update when I come back.


	55. Epilogue

A/N: The very, very last chapter. Proper notes at the end of this chapter.

**Epilogue**

_18 years later_

"Is it true then?"

Severus Snape resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knew he would have to face this at some point. It was obvious that it would occur somewhere along the passage of time that was his life. He'd waited for it, had even found the words he would use when the time would come. Granted, he had thought that because he had not heard them sooner that perhaps he was going to be allowed grace. How stupid of him.

All the carefully thought out words that he had planned didn't seem suitable now. Of course, they'd been planned with a different audience in mind and that audience had never shown the slightest bit of interest. But, obviously, now the axe had fallen.

"Dad?"

He looked up at the softly spoken word and sighed running both his hands through his hair. This was his child in front of him, his only son and it was like looking at himself at that age. The same long black hair, the same slightly sallow skin; although he was glad to say that the prominent nose wasn't quite as bad as his own. But all the same it was obvious he was a Snape by blood; the only hint of his mother was in his gentle nature and love of the outdoors, something he certainly hadn't inherited from him.

"What have you heard?" Snape spoke quietly; his black eyes carefully watching the young man slouched in the chair beside him.

Silas looked at his father, brushing his hair from his face so he could see him better. His eyes were unguarded and Snape could clearly see the doubt in them. It sent a shaft of pain through him; he had known that it would pain him to see his children doubt him, but he had also known it was inevitable. He had expected it with Clarity, but she'd not spoken to him and he had assumed that she had never found out. Certainly there had never been any episodes of angst with her that would have led him to believe she had just learnt her father was a murderer. Well, none except the ones that Meg had assured him were perfectly normal and she'd out-grow; which to his eternal relief she had done just so.

He lifted an eyebrow at Silas and waited for the angst to follow. He almost wished he'd accompanied Meg and Clarity to Diagon Alley now. Almost; because nothing was worse than two women shopping together, apart from maybe when Senga joined them and it was three women. Many times he had found himself lamenting the joys of marriage with Neville while Meg and Senga shopped together. He snorted, now there was a match; his Senga and Neville Longbottom, married for nearly ten years now… where had the time gone?

Silas grunted and shifted in the chair slightly bringing Snape painfully back to the issue at hand.

"Some kids were saying that you used to be a Death Eater with Voldemort."

Snape still couldn't resist the wince that name brought him and he pinched his nose again.

"It's true," he sighed and opened his mouth to recount the whole sorry story; but before he could say anything Silas sat forward and reached across to his arm.

"So how come there's no Dark Mark on your arm?"

It wasn't the question Snape had expected and it threw him. He blinked as his son scooted closer and drew the white shirt up his fathers arm, turning his arm to study the clear skin.

"Your mother and I worked on a potion several years ago now; you were still only a baby when it was perfected."

"So it's gone completely," Silas murmured and traced his finger over his father's skin.

"Not completely, it's more like a permanent glamour." Snape was still waiting for the condemnation, the question "why?" and even worse "How could you?", but they didn't come and it confused him.

"What else have you heard, Silas?" Snape's voice was low and calm, completely belying the nervous thudding of his heart.

"Not a lot, I mean, they teach all about Voldemort and the Death Eaters in History, but it's pretty bland. I asked Clarity about it and she told me most of it, but said I should ask you too."

Now Snape was completely blind-sided. Clarity knew? But she had never said anything to him. His eyebrows drew together in a frown as he suddenly realised that he didn't know everything there was to know about his family; although it seemed as if they knew him completely.

Silas picked up on his fathers confusion and drew the sleeve back down. He patted his hand and stood up to stand in front of him.

"S'alright, y'know, I won't question you about it. I just wondered that's all, 'cause I'd never seen any mark there."

Snape was convinced that if he was standing a feather could have knocked him over. How could his son be so blasé about it? He wanted to demand exactly what he was being taught in History, but in all his years as Head of Slytherin he knew exactly what was taught; so he was at a loss as to why his son and now clearly, his daughter too weren't bothered by it. They were taught the outline of the revels, the atrocities committed by the Death Eaters at Voldemort command. Why the heck weren't they more concerned that their own father was one? Surely his children had more imagination than what they were currently displaying.

Snape stood up till he towered over his fifteen year old son and frowned down at him, but before he could say anything a commotion at the front of the house announced the arrival home of the rest of his family.

"Daddy! Daddy!" A high pitched squeal made him turn in time to catch up his youngest daughter, Angharad, as she threw herself at him. He hugged her close and kissed her cheek.

"Look! Mummy bought me." She pulled back from him to wave something in his face; he laughed as he caught her arm long enough to see the miniature toy wand.

"Just don't turn me into a frog or something," Silas laughed and ruffled his sister's hair.

"Don't be stupid, Silas, it's a toy," came the slow mocking drawl of Miranda. Miranda was nine going on nineteen and, of all of his children, the one who was most like him in temperament. "Although she probably stands a better chance at casting magic than you do." She sniggered as she shot past him to peck Snape quickly on the cheek before disappearing out the French doors into the garden.

"Oy!" Silas made to follow her but Snape stopped him. He set Angahrad down and turned as Meg and Clarity came into the room discussing something, they stopped when they heard Snape's voice.

Snape suddenly found himself at a loss for words, frowning he folded his arms again. Meg crossed to sit down on the settee taking Angharad in her arms when the little girl climbed onto her lap. Clarity crossed and slumped into the chair Silas had vacated, she reached forwards for the remote control to switch on the TV.

"Clarity, please leave it off for awhile," Snape said quietly. She looked up in surprise, taking in the looks on Silas and Snape's face before comprehension dawned on her own.

"What's wrong?" Meg looked around her, aware there was a lot of tension in Snape but not knowing the cause.

"Why did you never ask?" Snape looked directly at Clarity as he lowered himself back down into his chair.

"They taught a little at school, obviously you aren't named, but I knew… I don't know how I know, I think I always did. It made no difference to me."

"Nor me," Silas spoke up quickly. "The only reason I asked was because of the mark."

"Does it not make any difference knowing the sort of things I did?" he asked completely taken aback by his children.

"Dad, you were a spy for the light. You are a hero." Clarity grinned at him.

"Superhero!" Silas laughed and brought his fist out in a Superman pose. "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Super Snape!"

Meg choked on a laugh, especially when she saw Snape's horrified face. She stood up from the settee and crossed to kiss the top of his head.

"I'll get some tea on," she murmured and left the room with Angharad still valiantly waving her toy wand around.

"It wasn't like that." Snape's voice was deep and quiet and empty of emotion. His tone caught the attention of both his children. "Listen and don't interrupt."

* * *

Snape stopped talking, aware that that Silas was now curled up at his feet, his face pale and anxious. Clarity was curled on the sofa, her face as blank as his own.

"So, you see, there was no heroism in it. It was for a redemption that will never come. An absolution I do not deserve."

Silence reigned on the Snape household as both his children digested the information given them.

"Well I bloody well think you should have been given the Order of Merlin First Class."

Snape's head shot up at the sound of Miranda from the French Doors. She had come in, unnoticed from the start and was now lounging against the door with a blade of grass between her teeth.

"I mean, let's face it, you could have turn tail and disappeared, never to be seen again."

"Miranda, I cost people their lives; that should never be praised."

"No, but your childhood sucked, didn't it? Senga won't talk about her mum much but from what she has said she was right evil old cow. It's no wonder you were a little mucked up at first."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose wondering if it was illegal to muzzle his daughter. "Please watch your language, Miranda," he sighed and rubbed his hand down his face.

"She has a point," Clarity spoke up. "You made mistakes, big horrible ones, but you faced up to them. You tried to atone for your mistakes and in doing so probably saved countless lives. No, I think you are a hero, an example, really."

"An example?" Snape snorted at his older daughter. "Have you even been listening to me this past hour?"

"Yup," Silas shook his head and stood up, stretching out his gangly frame. "What she means in her weird girl talk is that you prove that you can muck up big time and still get it right in the end."

"Triumph over adversity," Miranda piped up again and nodded her head in all her nine year olds wisdom. "You aspired to be more that your sum of mistakes."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, who let her at the _Star Trek DVD_ again?" Silas grumbled and picking up a cushion threw it at his sister. "He's not bloody Data, y'know!"

"For goodness sake, where did you kids learn your language?" Snape muttered still shocked at their accepting attitude of him.

"Uncle Jack," three voices chorused and then burst out laughing at the look of disgust on Snape's face.

Silas reached forwards and gripped Snape's forearms and tugged him out of the chair. Snape wondered briefly when he had grown so strong, he was almost a man and today he was showing the insight of one.

"Dad, you've never been anything but fair to us…"

"Strict, mind," Miranda added and came forwards to join her brother and sister in front of him. "Too strict if you ask my opinion."

"Which we didn't," Clarity informed her dryly. "We've never once doubted you loved us, even when we've done something pretty bad."

"When have you ever done anything bad?" Silas snorted. "You're the bloody golden girl!"

"I've had my moments," Clarity said carefully and looked at Snape as she spoke. He reached out a finger and drew it down her cheek in understanding.

"You'd get angry, but you always forgave me," she whispered.

"You were always sorry, you always acted in the heat of the moment and then regretted it afterwards," he said quietly.

"And you don't regret what you did?" Miranda asked him clearly, staring up at her father out of black eyes.

"Of course I do," he said quietly. "More than I can ever say."

"Then we forgive you," Miranda said simply and shrugged her shoulders. "I love you, so of course I forgive you."

Snape was unable to speak; the lump in his throat was obstructing any sounds. But his eyes told his children everything they looked for. Silas stepped forwards and wrapped his arms around his father's waist, the others followed and Snape was soon engulfed with three children. He held them as close as he could get them, his heart so full he thought it would burst.

"Silas, you oaf!" Miranda's high pitched voice broke the moment. "Get your great big size tens off my foot would you?"

"Dad, why didn't you stop at two?" Silas moaned as they broke apart and he flicked at Miranda's black braid. "Two is such a perfect number."

"Because," Miranda informed him haughtily, "if they had stopped at two, whom on earth would kick your arse at Quidditch?"

"That is so not true!" Silas yelled and made a lunge for his sister, but she was too quick and darted out of the door laughing wickedly.

"I think I'd better make sure no blood is split this time," Clarity laughed and headed out of the door after them.

Snape stood perfectly still in the middle of the room, his heart still thumping in his chest.

"Oh ye of little faith," came a soft voice from behind him as Meg's arms crept around his waist. "Did you really think it would make a difference to them?"

"It made a difference for me. I hated my father and his crimes were not so far removed from my own," he intoned quietly as he turned in her arms to hold her close.

"Yes, and there's the difference, Severus, you had a father; they have a dad."

"Have I told you lately that I'm rather fond of you?" he smirked down at his adored wife.

"Maybe, but I was thinking in the kitchen, this Superhero business could open up a whole new world of possibilities for us. You, in tights and a cape, underwear on over your tights; in tasteful black of course." Meg squealed as his fingers found her ticklish sides.

"DAD! DADDY! Make him stop!" Miranda wail came through the doors. "I won't be responsible if he doesn't stop….. DAD!"

"Go on Super Snape, you're needed!" Meg pushed him gently towards the doors leading into the garden.

Snape snorted and rolling his eyes turned to sort out his children. He may not have a perfect life, but it was as damn near perfect as it could be. And he would change nothing, absolutely nothing.

The End

A/N:

I've finally got there! I've finally reached the very, very end of this story. Only eighty years in the making. If anyone is still reading and started reading from start, thank you so much. I guess things have changed a lot since the beginning. Some of you were taking exams; you must now be in jobs, uni or progressing in other areas of life having long since got over your exams. I myself have changed a great deal… moved, had another baby and decided to homeschool my children. When I started this, my oldest wasn't even a year old and now she's just turned 8…. Where has the time gone? I've made some wonderful friends along the journey, along with my most special friend Frini. If you haven't already, you do need to read her story… it's just fantastic.

To thank everyone on here for reviewing would be nigh on impossible, but I do want you all to know (if you're still reading this!) that the comments, emails and private messages I've got on here have inspired me and given me some great moments. Thank you so much.

I doubt I'll write any more in the HP verse. Time is not what it used to be and my kids are wonderful time eaters. If I can, and you haven't, please nip over and read my POTC story. Big hint there…

Thank you so much again.

Yours in fiction.

Starlight8

Ruth


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